Original subtitles

Where's Carter?

Um, he's actually sick.

Andy! May is here.

Quickly.

Hey, May.

Is everything okay?

After our session with you and Carter, we really...

opened up to each other about our wants and needs.

I want to be tickled.

And I want...

to beat the shit out of him.

So we worked something out.

She tickles me until she gets mad, and...

then she hits me.

Best of both worlds, right?

But...

Every time I lift my hand... Hmm.

See?

Um...

Can you and Carter help us?

Oh, um...

I'm actually not...

sure if Carter is willing to work with me anymore.

I think I...

majorly fucked up.

Every couple has problems.

It's about compromise.

-Jinx! -[both laugh]

Oh, fuck! Jesus Christ. [whimpers]

You must be Josh.

Tiff.

It's nice to meet you.

[coffee pours into cup]

Is the, uh...

"I'm sorry, I really hate apologizing" gluten free?

I'm afraid not.

I'm sorry.

For what?

Please don't make me do this.

I'm the dom and you're my client.

I'm sorry for cutting you down and disrespecting you and not...

treating you like my equal.

You're my best friend and that's... that's really fucked up for both of us.

That was pretty good.

A little general, a little precious,

but serviceable.

[door opens, bell rings]

I'm sorry I tied you up.

-I liked it. -[chuckles]

I liked it, too.

I'm prone to bruising,

but the constriction actually helped my crippling fear of worthlessness.

Mm.

Are you all just gonna stand around talking, or...

are you gonna eat?

[Doug] I just ate, but I can always make some room at the end.

I'm Doug.

[Josh] Josh. Here, want some of this?

God, men are fucking evil.

[coughing]

Noted.

Not you, Petey.

-[chuckles] -You're different.

Mm.

[chuckling]

Thank you...

for saving me from prom.

I was very available.

What are you doing?

No, Tiff, you don't have to do this if you feel like you're just doing it

because, you know, we've made it all the way through high school,

with never having sex, you know?

But if you want to, I'm totally here for it.

-Okay, you definitely-- -Stop talking.

[Pete] I love this dress. It's so nice.

[Pete gasps]

[Pete moans]

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

-Oh, my God. -Don't make faces like that.

Oh, sorry, it feels so good. It feels so good.

My God.

Oh, baby.

Oh, man.

Oh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna...

-Don't! Don't, don't, don't! -I'm sorry. No, I can't--

-Don't, don't, don't! -Trust me, I can't control...

-[moaning] -[vehicle approaches]

[police siren wails]

Fuck. Fuck.

I'm sorry.

Shit! Look!

-Okay, um... -Shit!

[engine fails to start]

Where are you...

Where are you... going?

[sirens continue wailing]

[panting]

I'll go that way. You... you go that way.

Why don't we just stay together?

I don't... I don't know.

I have to pee.

Almost there, sweet child.

I'm just telling you why I'm holding my dick.

Just don't tell him that you have to pee. I hate when you do that.

What should I tell him?

I don't know. Ask him where the bathroom is?

We're business partners now, right?

Everything's 50-50 split?

More like... 60-40.

Tiffany!

We're equals.

I just peed a little.

Thank you both for coming on such short notice.

Of course.

Normally we like to vet our new clients, but...

you made us an offer we couldn't refuse.

Let me take your coat.

Sure.

They said you're the best in town.

-Can my friend use your bathroom? -Thanks.

Sure.

Thanks.

This is, like, such a nice office.

Do I know you from somewhere? You look so familiar.

I don't think we run in the same crowd.

-Oh. Through there? -Yeah.

Okay, cool. Thanks.

[lock clicks]

Oh, shit. Um...

Uh... Mm...

[groans]

Um... okay.

Come on, come on, come on.

Shut up.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, I'm peeing ♪

[grunts]

So...

on the phone you said light BDSM and torture?

Can I just say you are stunningly beautiful?

Tiffany, right?

That's your real name.

Um, I actually don't disclose that information to my clients.

I have my ways.

Well...

it's Mistress May to you.

[sighs]

I know you.

Shit! Oh!

Um. Uh, okay. Okay. Oh, shit.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

Okay. Oh, no! Oh!

What did I drink?

God, it's so yellow!

Ew.

I hope you don't think I was being creepy.

I just thought I want to know who it is that I'm paying for.

See, that's the thing. You're not paying for me.

I'm not for sale.

My house,

my rules.

I'll pay anything you want

to do anything I want.

Hands made of pee.

No. No, that's stupid.

[exhales] Actually, um...

I'm feeling pretty uncomfortable right now, so...

we're gonna come back when you further understand

what kind of services that we provide.

Pete!

Pete, it's time to go.

One second!

You don't have to worry about Pete.

-I locked him in the bathroom. -[blade scrapes on surface]

So you and I can have some...

alone time.

Fuck.

[sighs] God...

It is always you pretentious, rich limp-dicks

that are the most insane.

[chuckles]

Never lay your hands on a mistress!

Fuck.

[Tiff] Pete!

Tiff!

You are not Christian fucking Bale.

Oh, you are a feisty one, aren't you?

Oh, you have no idea.

-[grunts] -Pete!

Fuck!

You gonna try and stab me?

You little faggot.

First of all...

I'm a big faggot.

Secondly...

I'm not.

But she might.

[screams]

Pete, run!

Come on! Let's go!

[man screams]

Okay! Okay!

I peed on your floor, motherfucker.

Fuck you!

I'm calling the police!

Okay. Why don't we just tell the police what happened?

You think they're going to believe us?

We're practically prostitutes in their eyes.

Fine. You go one way, I go the other, right?

Come on.

[sirens wailing]