Original subtitles

[Peter] Okay, okay.

It's between these two options.

[Tiff] Are you fucking with me?

Okay, I mean...

are you getting ready?

What do you mean?

Oh. Babe, tell me you're not wearing that.

What about, like...

-a dress or something? -A dress?

[scoffs] Fine, then, like, a leather corset, then.

Tiff, I told Josh that I work for you, and

-he was cool with it. Maybe-- -That is so...

different!

You are gay.

So, like, all you have to do is spend your youth with this...

secret, and then once you come out, it's like, all the other gays are like,

"Yay, no more secrets!"

But me, as...

a woman, I can't do anything.

I can't...

speak out of turn.

I can't be sexual.

Okay, being gay is not that easy.

Not that it's a fucking competition,

but it's not, so...

Okay, you can leave now.

Oh, what a time to pick a fight with me.

Feeling insecure, Mistress May?

Just leave!

You're not my mistress.

Yeah, but I'm your boss.

You always have to be in control.

You know...

I used to think it was me that needed you, but maybe it's you that needed me.

[Tiff laughs]

Wow, that's funny, actually.

You should tell that one to your little comedy friends.

That's right.

You've never actually been on stage.

That's it.

-Come here. You... -Pete!

[Peter] Do this...

You like getting tied up and controlled?

Do you?

You can tell me to stop,

and your safe word is, "I'm sorry!"

[Peter breathing heavily]

Free yourself, Tiffany.

Bye, Rolph.

[sighs]

[Josh] Should we talk about it?

Oh, no, it's...

She just...

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

[chuckles] Our shirts.

Oh, my...

-I mean... -Right? Me too.

-Yeah, like, who wore it best? -I mean...

-Yeah. -I did.

Hello, guys. Are you ready to order?

Uh, yeah.

I love your shirts.

[both] Thanks.

[sighs]

[mumbles]

Hey! That's reserved. Sorry.

It's my quarters.

Sorry.

Wow.

Okay. Okay...

Yeah, no. You're... you're in a dress.

Let me, uh... Let me explain.

-I thought this was a date. -And I... sort of

wasn't sure that it was a date.

So... so I chose a non-date-date,

which I...

I realize now was a big mistake, 'cause...

'cause you're on a full-blown date with tables,

and... and napkins,

and dudes who give you gum in the bathroom.

Okay, I get it.

I, uh...

I wore this shirt for you.

You look really beautiful in that dress.

It's a costume.

All clothes are costumes.

It's a beautiful costume.

-Why don't you go get me a drink? -Yup!

[imitates airplane]

[explosion]

-Wow. -And, I mean, that was D-Day.

No, it wasn't.

[both laugh]

So stupid.

-The most dramatic dip of the night. -Sorry.

-So, like, tell me about this. -You've never been to a burlesque show?

All right, burlesque is like...

the thinking man's go-go dancer.

Does that make sense?

You are obsessed with sex.

Says the man who works in a dungeon.

[imitates whip]

And, uh, that is how you end up with six roommates and 12 birds.

Okay.

So, now you tell me about you?

[sighs] Fine.

I live alone.

I like old movies.

I hate the beach.

I hate the sun. I just...

essentially hate being outside.

Um...

I'm gonna go.

It's not you. It's just...

It's like you said, um...

We all have stories.

Mine are still mine.

Yeah, okay, you know what?

Uh, there are two reasons I brought you here.

Do you wanna hear 'em?

Okay, numero uno,

you are super hard to talk to,

so I thought, let's not talk, let's have fun.

Uh, two, slash dos.

I know from class that you are a very competitive person,

and since I'll never be as smart as you,

I thought that you could give me the satisfaction

of whooping your tail on some games. You feel me?

I have a dream.

And a wish.

And $15 worth of quarters,

and I'm hoping that you,

Tiffany,

whatever your middle name is, Chester....

Do you want to not talk

and get your ass blasted on some fucking pinball?

So, tell me about your friend, the dominatrix.

Oh, God.

It's complicated.

We were, like...

in love...

once.

You know?

Like, a friend...

sort of weird...

codependent love.

It's still kind of that way, I guess.

Probably not a great thing to say on a date, but...

I'm putting all my cards on the table.

No, I had that too.

You did?

Yeah.

You're not special.

Oh.

Thanks.

Fine.

-[whispers] It's starting. -Oh.

[whip cracks]

[gasps]

Shit!

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah. Shh.

No talking.

[growls]

Wait, is that real? [laughs]

[growling]

I'm gonna get us some more quarters and another vodka soda...

Gin and tonic.

Gin and tonic. Of course. I knew that. I...

G & T for my mistress?

Rolph?

What are you doing here?

I want to serve you...

-always. -No. No, no, no.

You need to go. Go!

-But-- -No, leave!

Leave now!

I love you, Mistress May.

Okay, do not worry because most of these are for laundry.

Doug, this is Rolph.

We work together.

Oh, what do you... what do you do?

-We're 911 operators. -[Rolph speaks indistinctly]

Nine... nine-one "opators".

You... you don't know her.

She a flower...

made of steel.

Beauty, but...

beast inside.

I... I am...

the fat clock man waiting.

You is Gaston.

I push you off the castle.

Hey, I'm not totally sure what you're trying to say,

but, uh, Cogsworth had absolutely nothing to do

with Gaston's death, like, at all.

-I fight for Mistress May's love! -Rolph!

Dude, are you seriously trying to fight me, bro?

Half my body is made of steel, literally.

Tiff...

you wanna do me the courtesy of telling the truth?

Uh, I mean, I'm sorry, I...

Don't follow me home.

-[quarters clattering] -Fuck!

Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

You guys can have these.

[thudding]

-[Peter] Sorry. -[Josh] No problem.

-Shh. My roommate's asleep. -Okay.

That's... that's quite an entrance.

[Portia] Did you have a good night?

Portia.

Uh...

This is my friend, Josh.

Um, hi. I like your... your thing.

Um...

Listen.

-I just wanted to say that-- -I'm sorry...

that I hit you.

That was wrong of me.

I'm sorry I fingered your boyfriend.

Good.

You should be.

-And anyway... -Okey-dokie.

Uh...

[Josh] Sleep well.

I love you.

Hey.

Hi.

Um, it's not much, but I don't...

Hold on.

What are you into?

Um, this is nice.

No, I mean...

like, what are you into?

Oh... well...

I'm trying to be more open, so...

[Josh] Hmm.

[sighs]

-[man on video] Oh, like that. -[woman] Oh, yeah.

[vibrator running]

-[woman] Yeah. -[man] Oh.

-[woman] Yeah. -[man] Oh.

[woman] Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

[Tiff moans]

[couple continues moaning]

[sighs]

[vibrator continues running]

[woman] Yes! Yes!

-Fuck. -[stops vibrator]

[video stops]

[vibrator turns on]

[vibrator increases in speed]

[breathing heavily]

[moans]

-Fuck. -[stops vibrator]

[sighs]