Original subtitles

I didn't expect Sam to come back.

The minute he walked through that door, I knew it was over.

There's something wrong with me. I need help.

Ugh! It's his soul. It's gone.

So where is it?

In the cage with Michael and Lucifer.

Just get it back. It's not possible.

You've got no instinct. I mean, you are seriously messed up.

I don't know what you are, you're not Sam.

- Dean, come on. - Stop pretending.

- You were right. - About?

I'm not your brother.

Like, I don't even really care about you.

And maybe I should feel guilty, but I don't.

- Did you see that? - See what?

There's something out there.

Patrick.

Something out in the corn.

Patrick, you're freaking me out.

I'm just having a quick look.

Patrick.

Patrick.

Patrick.

Patrick.

- Patrick! - Aah!

Patrick.

I'm here because I believe Elwood, Indiana has become a center...

of extraterrestrial activity.

There was this light and then Patrick just vanished.

It's all happening, you know?

I mean, these entities have come to help push humanity to the next stage.

My name is Wayne Whittaker, Jr. and I have recorded eyewitness accounts.

Strange lights in the sky, mysterious presences attempting contact.

Since this whole damn circus has blown into town...

no one seems to realize we got four missing-persons cases, wide-open.

My friends have lost loved ones.

What happened to him? Something took him. I know it.

We are right in the middle of what we in the field like to call a UFO flap...

and I am as happy as a pig in shoes. Heh.

I can guarantee you this has nothing to do with UFOs...

or little green men or anything extraterrestrial whatsoever.

Of course it's not UFOs.

It's fairies.

Fairies?

Okay. Well, uh, well thank you for your input.

Flying saucers not insane enough for you?

What newspaper you say you worked for?

You want glitter to that glue you're sniffing, fine.

Don't dump your wackadoo over us, we'd rather not step in it.

- We're done. - You're missing a couple dozen cats.

Yeah. It's a blood sugar thing.

My apologies.

- What? - "What?" You gotta ask?

Right, yes. You do have to ask.

Sorry, but this is all a big joke. We're not taking this crap seriously?

ET is made of rubber, everybody knows that.

There are four vanishings in this town. Something's going on.

Sam, by the way, it's not the lady's fault she took the brown acid.

- Yeah? So? - Empathy, man. Empathy.

I mean, the old Sam would have gave her some wussified, dew-eyed crap.

Old Sam had a soul.

Was a soul. Whatever.

Right. Yes. And-But you don't.

Or aren't. Whatever.

Right, right.

Why-You don't care.

- Well- - You have to care.

- About what, exactly? - About everything, man.

About being human, at least.

Look, Dean, you obviously care a lot and that's great.

But I can't care about what-

What I can't care about, you know?

- What do you want me to do, fake it? - Yes.

Absolutely. Fake it. Fake it till you make it.

What happened to you wanting me to be all honest?

Hey, you wanna be a real boy, Pinocchio, you gotta act the part.

I was faking it. Ever since we got back on the road together.

I was picking every word. It's exhausting.

Okay. All right. But until we get you back on the soul train...

I'll be your conscience, okay?

So you're saying you'll be my Jiminy Cricket.

Shut up. But, yeah, you freaking puppet.

That's exactly what I'm saying.

- Mr. Brennan? - Hmm?

We're with the Mirror, we'd just like to ask you-

What?

Is this about Patrick?

Patrick's gone.

Missing, right, yes. That's what we wanna talk to you about.

- Your son was the first to disappear. - First to be taken.

Taken?

Get out.

Out.

Mr. Brennan, who do you believe took your son?

You people can't help me.

My boy is never coming back.

- You sound awfully sure. - Excuse me?

You know something you're not talking about.

Okay. All right.

You know what they say, 72 hours.

After that, the odds of finding a missing person drop to nothing, right?

Well, every case is different.

It's been weeks.

Right.

Listen...

call us if anything comes to mind.

Is that all right?

- What do you think? - I think he's hiding something.

Stay, watch the watchmaker. See what happens when the sun goes down.

- I'll check out the crop circles. - Okey-dokey.

But do not engage with, maim, or in any way kill Brennan.

I don't want you making judgment calls. Anything happens, call me.

You know, Jiminy, I was on my own for a whole year.

I did fine without you.

Yeah, I don't wanna know your definition of fine.

- What? - Only thing this guy's up to...

- is alcoholism. - Good.

I should go talk to him again.

I mean, you're the one who said he's hiding something.

Shh, shh.

What? You see something?

Dean? What's out there?

Hang on a second.

Holy-

UFO. UFO!

Oh, dude, stop yelling. You're breaking up.

- I didn't catch that last part. - Close encounter. Close encounter.

Close encounter?

What kind? First? Second?

They're after me.

Third kind already. You better run. The fourth kind is a butt thing.

Empathy, Sam. Empathy.

- One more. - Yeah.

They still after you?

Come on!

Dean? Are you there?

What happened?

Dean?

Thanks.

So they're real. UFOs.

Like I said before, son, the truth is out there.

Okay. You're the expert. How do I get them?

Come again?

Well, you hunt ETs, right? I need to know how to get them.

Uh, you and me both.

This is it?

I'd say that 30 years of eyewitness accounts...

speak for themselves as proof.

Yeah, right. My brother was abducted, so I'm good on the whole proof part.

- Your brother was abducted? - Yeah.

- Oh, my God. - It's fine.

I mean, I've had time to adjust.

Did it happen when you were kids?

No, like half an hour ago.

You've been hunting UFOs for over three decades...

and you have no concrete data...

- and zero workable leads. - Well, I-

Have you considered the possibility that you suck at hunting UFOs?

I'd like to help.

If I can.

- Dean. - What the hell?

Oh, that's Dean?

Sam, they brought your brother back.

Huh.

Okay.

It's all right, Sam. I so totally understand.

You need time as a family.

But it's just-

What were they like?

They were grabby, incandescent douche bags. Good night.

- Too soon. - Okay.

You're upset.

I was abducted...

and you were banging Patchouli.

I didn't think she smelled bad.

- I was abducted by aliens. - I was looking into it.

- I was gone for like an hour. - An hour?

Most of that was walking back to town.

Your watch is off. You been gone all night.

What are you talking about? No, I haven't.

- Four a. m.? - Yeah.

UFO timeslip.

That actually falls in line with a lot of abduction stories.

"Falls in line"?

- Just falls in- - Yeah.

Nothing's "falling in line."

Here.

Drink.

- Good. - Thank you.

Yeah. Now...

come on.

Talk to me.

What happened?

Well, uh...

there was this, uh-

God help me, Sam, there was this bright white light.

It's okay.

Safe room.

And suddenly I was-I-

I was in a different place...

and there were these beings, and they were too bright to look at.

But I could feel them pulling me towards this sort of table.

- Probing table. - God, don't say that out loud.

Right. Uh, so, what did you do?

I went crazy.

I started hacking and slashing and firing.

Heh. They actually seemed surprised.

I don't think anybody's ever done that before.

Yeah.

I had a close encounter, Sam...

and I won.

- You should take a shower. - I should take a shower.

I'm gonna take a shower now.

So on top of all the demons and the angels...

and ghosts, and the skinwalkers, it turns out that there's-

So if aliens are actually real, what's next, huh? Hobbits? Seriously.

You just gave her the silent "How you doing?"

- What? - Our reality is collapsing around us...

and you're trying to pick up our waitress?

Yeah. Okay. Look.

Ahem. That brings up a question.

You got a soul and you're on a case, your brother gets abducted by aliens.

- You do everything to get him back. - Right. You do.

But what about when there are no more leads for the night?

I mean, are you supposed to just sit there in the dark and suffer...

even when there's nothing that can be done?

- Yes! Yes. - What?

You sit in the dark and you feel the loss.

Absolutely. But couldn't I just do all that...

- and have sex with the hippie chick? - No.

- It would be in the dark. - No, because you would be suffering.

And you can't just turn that off for the night.

- Thanks, guys. - Thank you.

- Why not? - Because if you had a soul...

your soul wouldn't let you.

So you're saying having a soul equals suffering.

Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying.

Like the million times you almost called Lisa.

So you're saying suffering is a good thing.

I'm saying it's the only game in town.

Okay.

So how do we deal with the little green men?

Research.

We got about a century of UFO lore to catch up on and there's no time for-

What's up with that guy?

Who?

Guy by the window, giving me stink eye.

- You mean the cop? - No, not the cop.

The guy. He's right-

- Well, now he's gone. - Who's gone?

- Can we get out? - What's wrong with you?

- Before I hit you. - Okay. Jeez.

Library's closing up soon. I'm almost done.

- You find anything? - Yeah. Way too much.

Everyone on the planet believes in UFOs.

And they will not stop writing books about it.

Yeah, well, at least books have punctuation.

All right, keep digging. We'll see what you got when you get back.

Take your protein pills and put your helmet on

Ground Control to Major Tom

Oh, no.

Not again.

Check ignition And may God's love be with you

Nipples?

This is Ground Control to Major Tom

Bitch.

You've really made the grade

And the papers want to know Whose shirts you wear

Ha!

Now it's time To leave the capsule if you dare

Ha, ha!

See what?

See what? See the blood.

See all the blech.

Sorry, man. I'm not seeing it.

You don't see the ech? It's right here.

Okay, let's go with you see it and I don't.

What the hell was it?

It was a-

A little naked lady, okay?

It was-

A what?

It was a little, glowing, hot naked lady...

with nipples and-

And she hit me.

I'm not supposed to laugh, right? Right. Okay. Sure. Um-

So shot in the dark here, but did this little lady have wings?

- What the hell made you say that? - She did, didn't she?

- How did-? - One of the theories I came across.

It's actually what crazy crystal lady was yammering about.

What if these abductions...

- have nothing to do with UFOs? - What?

Say these encounters have been going on for centuries.

Not with extraterrestrials, with ultra-terrestrials.

I mean, people nowadays say space aliens or whatever.

But they used to call them-

- Smurfs? - Fairies.

- Fairies? Come on. - There's a line between ETs and fairies.

Glowing lights. Abductions. It's the same UFO stuff under a different skin.

You think the secret with the UFOs is-

You're the one who pizza-rolled Tinker Bell. I'm doing the math.

But this is good. This is a lead.

A lead where?

Fairies.

Sprites and spriggans, boggarts and brownies...

the little people have many names.

Well, that's, uh-

That's her. That's the little-

Anyway, I, uh, I get that Tinker Bells are fairies.

But what about the tiny Santa Claus and the troll and-

Oh, that's a garden gnome and that's a large goblin and that-

But they're all fairies?

Yes, fairy comes in many shapes and sizes.

Magical, mischievous beings from the realm next door.

- The fairy realm? - Mm-hm.

So it's like another dimension?

Another reality, yes.

Only people who have been there...

and returned to our world can see the fairy here.

Right. Um...

Why are the fairies abducting people?

Mm. There is much theory and little fact.

We know they only take first-born sons.

Just like Rumpelstiltskin did.

Personally, I think they're taken to Avalon...

to service Oberon, king of the fairy.

Dean?

Did you service Oberon, king of the fairies?

- Marion. - Hmm?

Um...

Let's say fairies are real, okay?

- What can we do about them? - Sorry?

I mean, how can we-?

- Interact with them? - Yes, yes.

Forcefully interact.

Well, if you want to win a fairy's favor, leave a bowl of fresh cream.

They love cream.

Okay.

Uh, and more forcefully?

Mm. Well, all fairy hate iron.

And the dark fairy burn when touched with silver.

What else?

Oh, you could spill sugar or salt in front of them.

No matter how powerful, the fairy must stoop to count each grain.

- Well, alrighty. - Mm.

That's-Wow. Heh.

A lot to absorb.

- Thank you. - Oh, stay.

Finish your tea.

I gotta say, I love the feel.

It's, uh, it's-

It's like Sedona, Arizona, crapped in here.

- "Pewteriffic," is what it is. - Ha-ha-ha.

Pewteriffic.

Do you have bigger cups?

God. Is it on me? I feel like I've got the crazy on me.

No, you-

You did sit in some glitter, though.

Makes me wanna believe in UFOs again.

Doesn't give us a next move, I'll grant you that.

We can always put the call out to Bobby.

Hey. I'll be damned.

Isn't that the watch guy?

Huh.

They love cream.

All right, you stick with Half-n-Half. I'm gonna go check out his store.

And no hippie chicks.

Yeah.

Frigging full of Keeblers here. Full of them.

- What? - It's like the story...

with the shoe guy and all the elves.

Hey, you think Brennan made a deal with a bunch of fairies?

Let me get back to you.

So, Mr. Brennan...

hello again.

Leave me alone.

Did I ever mention how beautiful your work is?

- What? - The watches.

Just stunning...

but what I can't figure out is how one man can put out that much product.

I mean, hell, if I didn't know better...

I'd say you have a bunch of elves working for you.

Except I do know better.

And you have a bunch of elves working for you.

You're insane.

So tell me, how does a father decide to trade his son for a bunch of watches?

I mean, I'm assuming you have a soul, so, what's your excuse?

You don't understand.

It wasn't like that.

Then how was it?

I supported my family for 30 years making those watches.

It's the only thing I know how to do.

But the Parkinson's-

I was losing my hands.

I was losing everything.

My grandmother, she always used to say that they were real.

Told me all these stories when I was a kid about how to summon them...

how to get favors from them.

So you learned how to work a spell.

I mean, honestly, I doubted it would even work.

I was just desperate.

But she'd left me this book.

So I did the ceremony in my back office two months ago.

And this man appeared.

Said he was a leprechaun.

A leprechaun.

I asked him just to cure my hands, but he said he would do even better.

He'd make me more successful than I'd ever been.

He told me he'd bring a crew of workers...

that I could save my business, save my name.

- In exchange for-? - He just wanted a place for them to rest.

To take of the fruit and fat of the land.

I said yes.

I wasn't thinking.

And the fruit and fat was-

My first-born.

And not just mine. There's been others.

They're not stopping.

- They're not going to stop. - There's gotta be a way...

- to reverse the spell. - There is.

But the book is-

It's in a safe in my shop.

They won't let me near it.

It's been a nightmare.

- So you can see the fairies? - Yes.

Over there.

Help, help!

I got you, you little fairy.

- Help. - What do you want, you fairy?

- Huh? Huh? - Help. Get-

Fairy.

Daddy. Daddy.

What's going on?

- What the-? - Oh, God, no.

I'm just kidding.

All right, don't worry, Brennan.

We can do this.

Just, uh-My brother and I are gonna cover you while you reverse the ritual.

Poor man.

Dean, hey. Dude, what happened?

Sam, Sam. Hey.

- What am I supposed to do? - Fight the fairies.

You fight those fairies.

Fight the fairies!

I'm just trying to understand exactly what kind of hate crime this even was.

It wasn't a hate crime.

I mean, if this gentlemen were a full-sized homosexual...

would that be okay with you?

I don't hate any size person or any size gay guy.

Well, he's not gay, as it happens.

But he is the district attorney for Tipton County.

Runs a tight ship, tell you what.

It's nice to hear he's done well for himself, considering his, uh-

Considering the tough economic times.

Good for him.

Son...

you are all kinds of messed up.

- Are they here? - Yeah.

But it's all right. Cream hits them like tequila.

You.

You're the leprechaun?

Indeed I am.

Sorry about the mess, but your friend here...

went back on his deal.

Well, you weren't very clear with him on the terms.

I told him there was a price.

Once we come, we come to stay.

So you take first-borns and then what? You just sit back and watch...

while they cover up the abductions for you with all that UFO crap?

Which you help encourage, naturally.

Nice con.

But your cover's blown now, Wayne.

Blown?

To whom?

Brennan's dead.

Your brother? Heh.

He's marked.

Been to the ranch.

He's ours now.

Yeah. Well, then there's me.

You?

But you can only see me if I let you.

True.

But you'll have to get near me eventually...

and I have very good reflexes.

You're not like the rest of them, are you?

- Nope. - No, I could see that right off.

You're missing a certain piece, right in the center, ain't you?

Says who?

We fairyfolk are all about energy...

and the human soul gives off a certain...

perfume.

Your soul is far away...

but not completely out of reach.

- That so? - Sam.

I can get it back for you, for a price.

That's adorable.

It's locked in a box with the devil.

Your devil. Not mine.

There's no freaking way a leprechaun can do what angels cannot.

Angels. Oh, please.

I'm talking about real magic, sonny.

From my side of the fence.

Got a way of getting in back doors.

So you're my Blue Fairy?

You can make me a real boy again?

When you wish upon a star.

Yeah.

I got a wish.

Iron.

Painful...

but not a deal-breaker.

Come on, lad.

You've already taken your best shot.

You're right.

I'm done shooting.

So do me a favor...

and count this.

Oh, no.

Why didn't I do that earlier?

One...

Three, you ass.

Five, damn it...

six-

So...

here's to the tiniest DA.

Thanks for dropping the charges.

Little big man.

I was wondering something.

Yeah?

You think Lucky Charms really could have returned soul to sender?

Come on. That's crazy to think.

- He did talk a good game, though. - Hmm.

You said no.

Why?

It was a deal. When's a deal ever been a good thing?

I'm just trying to figure out how it works in there.

Dude, I do still have all my brain cells.

If anything, my brain works better now.

I'm making sure that's where your head's at.

You know, that you're not having second thoughts about getting your soul back.

Oh.

You're not, are you?

No. Heh.