Original subtitles

Do you think this is the same guy who's been cutting off

off all the other hands?

Yeah, Clark.

I think it's the same fucking guy.

Jesus Christ.

That makes sense.

Hey, how many hands you found?

It's five this week.

That's at least three people.

- All right. - Tag 'em and bag 'em, boys.

Cut a right or a left?

- What the hand? - No, the foot.

Gotcha!

Oh! Fukin' tager!

Give me your fuckin' hands! Bitch!

Hey, you ever try X before, mate?

Mate?

I got blue Pikachus, red Pikachus, pink Shreks.

I'm-- I'm good, man.

It's ridonculous.

I'm good.

Straight fine, bruv, criminal.

I'm good.

It's hot as fuck, huh, papa?

You fuck with anime?

So my buddy's sister, right,

she needs some headphones.

She's got some tig ol' bitties, ha-ha.

I'd be taggin' hella highway signs, bombin' 'em.

Got the fat caps danglin' upside down.

Shit was dangerous, dog!

You ever do anything dangerous like that?

No.

Hey, yo. It's almost 1:00.

You sure you good?

White King Dongs, some tan King Dongs,

some Purple Simpsons.

Damn, dog, that's pretty dope.

You seem talented, man.

Bro, just stop.

Please.

Have you ever seen Steve Irwin's daughter, bro?

Yeah, back when I was living in Melbourne,

we used to bump nonnies all the time.

Some crazy shit.

I miss that shit, dog.

Steve Irwin, man.

Such a tragedy.

Such a fine ass daughter, though, too, dog.

I would kill to hit that.

Premeditated murder.

Criminal offenses.

Right.

Steve Irwin.

Hey, you ever seen a picture of her?

My baby girl, Steve Irwin's fine ass daughter

and everything?

I have not.

Shit. Check this out.

Don't cum.

-Word. -Beautiful, right?

Molto bene bella.

Right?

William Stewart.

Hey, it's Billy!

Bitch.

Uh, come up here and speak to me please.

You're next.

Let's go, little worm.

Shit.

Once again, they try me,

but what they can't do is keep a king down!

Hey, it's too damn hot in here to be talkin'

all that damn noise.

Naw, man.

Naw, man.

So I rack, like, $400 worth of shit

and they wanna give me two years minimum, dog!

What the fuck?

How the fuck does $400 equal two years minimum in jail, bro?

That's fucked up!

- What are you doing, young man? - No.

Well, let me see what's in that bag.

What the hell?

-Shut the fuck up! -Yeah.

Hope you get your dick bit off by the same shark

that killed Steve Irwin.

Jesus fucking Christ.

He actually got killed by a stingray

so it's pretty fucked up that you say that.

Y'all are gay.

Raphael Tinsky.

Raphael?

- Yeah. - Okay.

Um, let's see.

Looks like you are enrolled at Pfresno Community College.

Good.

Judge Turner will like that.

So, um, all you've got to do is plead guilty.

He'll slap your wrist and give you 50 hours or so

of community service.

-Sound okay? -Wait, really, that's it?

Thank-- thank you.

You know, I usually don't make things like this personal,

but that telephone booth is a city landmark.

I hope you've learned your lesson, Raphael Tinsky.

Definitely.

So no weed charges?

Were you caught with drugs?

No.

No.

I was just curious.

Well, look, maybe you can keep the art projects to

the sketchbook and canvas from now on.

Please grow up, Raphael.

- You got this. - You got it. Come on.

Raphael, you are so deeply fucked, young man!

What the hell is goin' on?

Why is that cop here?

Drugs?

Your second misdemeanor.

Graffiti?

Listen, Raphael, if I were you, I would just have a seat

and shut up.

Mom.

Mom,

can you please listen to me?

I made a mistake I guess,

but I just got community service and I'm going!

To move into your cousin Mateo's house immediately.

It's okay All right. You're good.

Do you see what you've done to your poor fuckin' mother?

All right, Raphael.

I'm sure it's fun writin' your name on walls

and that phone booth that's very, very special to Pfresno.

But your mother here has told me all about you

and how much of a great artist you really are.

- It's hit or miss. - Yeah.

Hmm.

It's not bad, but not good.

That's something.

Anyway.

Can someone please explain to me exactly what's going on?

Let me explain it to you real clear.

Mateo is moving kilos

of narcotics out of his house.

Excuse me, his trap house.

So I need you to go live with him

and report all that shit back to me.

Only good cop is a dead cop.

Because if you do that, all this is gonna go away.

That misdemeanor's gonna get expunged.

The next time you get in trouble, because you will,

you're gonna have a cop to call.

Me.

I'm not a fucking rat.

All right.

I'm not supposed to tell y'all this, but I'm gonna.

Mateo is under investigation by the FBI.

We have reason to believe that he's selling plutonium warheads

to Osama.

Osama!

And I'm talkin', like, whole state of Texas gone.

Bullshit.

You call bullshit on me one more time,

you fucking punk.

Oh no, I read about it in the blogs.

They're selling plutonium on the black market.

-Blogs? -I read it on Drudge.

Stand up.

We need you, Raphael.

The state of Texas depends on you.

Mom, can I just talk to you for a second?

Mom, how can you believe this woman?

She's insane.

And-- and if Mateo is so dangerous,

doesn't this seem like potentially a bad idea?

Honey, he loves you.

You're family.

Mateo would never hurt you, you know that.

Right.

Family.

Yeah.

Look, just do whatever

the lovely officer Williams says.

And if you ever feel like you're in danger,

I'm only a phone call away.

So this is just how it's gonna be?

Yes, your bags are packed.

I'm driving you to his house.

Damn.

Raphi!

Come on in, my boy!

Oh, good to see you.

God damn.

Gimme a hug, man.

Oh, shit, man.

You got so big.

Don't worry, you're good here, man.

Your mom told me what happened.

Said you got locked up.

Big bad graffiti man spent the night

in the drunk tank, huh?

First time?

- No, second. - Oh, all right. All right.

Don't worry, we don't gotta talk about that shit right now.

Yeah, well, um, actually, bro,

there's-- there's somethin' I gotta talk to you about.

All right, cuzzo. No sweat.

No sweat. We got time to talk.

Yeah.

House looks good, by the way.

God damn, that's a lot of pink.

Oh, you like that?

Yeah. Yeah, me, too, man. Me, too.

I actually got a lot of kickback

for painting my shit pink.

They even banned that shade of pink in town, man.

A brother can't even touch my shit up

without drivin' 100 miles.

They banned the color pink?

Well, that shade of pink, you know?

Paint it white! Paint it white!

The thing is I keep it low key.

I keep it real chill.

But everybody around here be up

in my motherfucking business, man.

You know what it is, Raphi? It's bullshit.

That's what it is.

Man, these paninis are crazy fire, man.

Nester, get your goddamn dirty ass fingernails off my shit.

I told you it was for Raphi, damn it!

I'm taking my weed.

- Take your weed! - I got my own shit!

The fuck, man.

Are you hungry?

Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

Hey, who...

Who...

Who was that, though?

Man, that's Nester the Pester.

He's been here for years.

If you ever visited, you know.

Anyway, he got squatter rights

so we technically can't kick his ass out,

and that's been a whole bitch,

but dude owes me so much fucking money, too.

- Seems unfair. - It is.

But you know the type.

Rich kid, they gotta prove he ain't a rich kid

so he go around town terrorizin' shit.

But you different though, Raphi.

You an artist.

I guess so.

You'll get to know him.

Believe me.

Lemme make you some lunch.

Do you prefer honey roasted or regular?

Huh?

The chicken, bro.

Do you prefer honey roasted or regular?

Um, regular's fine.

All right, with your basic ass.

Hey, you want apple slices, too, right?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, I forgot how you feel about stilton?

About what?

Stilton cheese, man!

You ain't never had stilton?

That stanky stanky blue, blue?

Yeah, whatever you got.

You said there was something you wanted to talk about?

Yeah.

I'm, uh...

I'm actually, um...

I'm actually kind of freakin' out about it, man.

Um, so listen, the only reason I'm staying with you

is because this psycho pig who arrested me, um,

she thinks that you're in possession of nukes

and are planning to blow up Texas.

We are about this close

to being completely wiped off the face of the planet.

Man.

Officer Williams crazy ass done had it out for me

since she caught me smellin' like weed in high school.

Hey, you know, she got her ass fuckin' fired

from being my high school appointed cop

for swingin' on some freshman girl twice.

Anyway.

I ain't the one under investigation here.

This hood's full of perverts.

- Perverts? - Yeah.

Damn.

That fukcin' dog.

Come on, man.

For you, my sire.

The Duke of Sandwich has blessed our Catholic souls

once again with the finest of bread, cheese,

and locally-farmed chicken.

Your panini is served.

scrunches

Well?

Oh my fucking God.

Bro, it's the best sandwich I've ever had in my fucking life.

How the fuck do you make that?

Hey, man, don't worry about that cop, bro.

I knew you never rat on me.

I figured something was up when Aunt Linda wacky ass called.

But anyways, I appreciate you bein' up front, man.

But look, you good with stayin' on the couch?

All the rooms ocupado right now.

Yeah, for sure.

Hey, look, I want you to finish that 'nino,

and when you're done with that, come round back.

I want you to meet my new son, Larry.

-Yeah? -Cool.

All right.

Larry, you want melon?

You want melon?

It's your boy.

Damn.

I've never seen a pet pig before.

- Yeah. - It's adorable.

Larry, this is Raphi.

Raphi, this is La--

Nester, this is my cousin Raphi, be chill.

Raphi, this is Nester.

You cool, man?

You rich or somethin'?

Man, chill the fuck out before I sick Larry

on your bitch ass.

-Ain't that right? -Relax, man.

Hey, I'm a real chill, cool guy and everything.

For real, though.

Anyway.

Damn, he sure loves Melon.

Mm-hmm.

-Melon good, man. -Mmm. Good, good.

Anyway, Raphi gonna be staying with us for a couple weeks, man.

He got caught taggin' down town,

so his folks kicked him out the crib.

Where's he gonna stay, Jay's room?

-Who is Jay? -Jay's our old roommate.

He's in and out the big house a lot

so, um, we ain't seein him in a few weeks,

but he'll be back.

But no, he'll be stayin' on the couch.

Where am I supposed to watch TV and conduct my business, man?

Preferably not in this house.

Ideally not at all.

You lucky I ain't a violent man, Nester.

You lucky I love you.

Yeah, Larry. Daredevil.

Look at him.

Williams?

Williams, where the hell have you been?

Okay, we need to start seating some tables.

-I just got here. -We're backin' up.

-All right? -Yeah, go. Move.

Hi!

We'd like a booth, please.

You betcha.

I love booth.

Mm, yeah, I bet you do.

-Williams! -Have fun, y'all.

I love booth.

You need to watch your tone with me, Williams.

Okay?

I'm not gonna tell you again. This isn't the fuckin' force.

This is the Salted Putter, home of the chocolate butter.

You're on my turf, got it?

Suck a foot, Janet. I'm takin' five.

You see this?

Bitch, do you know how many times

you have to be demoted

to get the fucking Salted Putter?

Okay.

Enjoy, y'all.

Okay.

Fuck!

Got it!

Got it! Sh...

Fucking shit, I got that motherfucker.

Ugh.

Fuck me.

Excuse me.

Can I help you?

Do you work here?

Sometimes. Yeah.

but I am an officer of the law.

If you couldn't see that.

Anyway, if you work here, you should wash your hands,

especially after taking such a disgusting shit.

That's so gross, dude!

Tell me, do you like the taste of purple?

Kill his mom! Kill his mom!

You ain't shit without your badge.

I am an Olympian, bitch.

You wanna go? Let's go.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

With a fucking cop?

Oh, you Olympic cunt!

Oh!

Holy shit!

Fuck you, cunt!

Like I said, you're nothing without your badge.

Bitch.

Fuck.

She got mad because I wouldn't wash my fucking hands,

that ugly ass bitch!

Jesus Christ, Williams!

Why didn't you just wash your hands?

That's gross!

My hands, my rules!

No, Williams.

Actually, everyone who works here

has to wash their hands.

Read the sign!

Oh, Janet.

You fucked up, again!

Janet, Janet, Janet, Janet, Janet, Janet.

Why don't you

just invoice Pfresno PD

one more fucking time, huh?

Get the fuck out of the Putter.

And clean yourself off.

Cunt.

Ugh!

Lord Jesus, please let today be the day

that cunt Beth Stewart from Channel 7 gets hit

by a fucking bus.

Paul, honey, what could possibly be taking you so long?

I'm in the zone.

You know, I need to get going when I'm in the zone.

Sorry. Sorry, honey bear.

Jesus, Paul, get your shit together.

Do you really think Channel 7's even gonna

think about hiring you

if this is how you handle my equipment?

I'm sorry you yelled and I just--

I scampered in here as quickly as I could.

But you know what I was thinking'

You know, I'm okay if Channel 7

doesn't wanna hire me as long as they wanna hire you.

So you're just gonna abandon me?

What? What? Honey, look at me.

We're here now. I'm with you. This is me.

All right? This is the dream.

We're in it. Okay?

I can't wait to achieve

our Channel 7 dreams.

Good.

Now bump me, king.

Okay, okay, here we go.

Oh, man.

All right. You ready?

Here comes the snowman.

Fuck yeah. In to my happy place.

- Paul, nose check! - Oh, clean as a whistle, honey.

How are the girls? Headlights on?

Oh, like a couple porcelain bunnies rubbin'

against each other in a bubble bath.

Oh! Oh!

Um, uh, uh, action.

A normal suburban neighborhood

with normal suburban people

living their normal suburban lives.

Or so we thought.

When a plumber van mysteriously shows up

without any plumbers in tow,

the residents begin to wonder,

who is it watching them discretely from the shadows?

CIA? The TSA? ICE?

The FBI even!

Fuck.

I stand here today in a normal Puh-resno cul-de-sac

not dissimilar from yours to tell you that inside

that seemingly pleasant suburban home

might lay a drug dealer, a murderer, a rapist.

How do you really ever know you're safe?

The answer, America, is you don't.

I'm Shay Burrata with yet another groundbreaking story.

See you next time, Texas.

Oh!

Wooh.

Honey, it's amazing! That was a work of art!

I told you, honey bear,

when I'm in the zone, I'm in the zone!

You are the zone.

honey, you not in the zone, you are the zone!

Ow, you got me again!

- It's good-- my goodness. - Ow!

Oh, what-- what are you doing?

What're you do--

Oh, look at you dancin' Uh, just danc-- oh my gosh!

Giving that gift away, honey. It's amazing.

I just had one-- Uh, just one thing.

God dammit, what?

Yeah, I-- I think maybe, uh, instead of Pfresno,

you said Puh-fresno.

I-- but I mean, I don't think anybody will notice that.

You know, you doin' so much cool stuff.

Well, you noticed, so why wouldn't they?

We'll do a pickup. Just punch in.

- Get a different angle. - A pickup punch in. Okay.

That's airtight logic, honey.

- You are-- - God damn.

A true professional.

And it's honor to be your camera person.

Uh, action.

I stand here today in a normal Puh-fresno cul-de-sac

just like yours to tell you that

inside that seemingly pleasant suburban home

might lay a drug dealer,

a murderer, a rapist.

Okay, cool. Did we get it?

I wanna hear a yes.

These goddamn ambulance chasers just might fuck this up

for us and the entire world, Clark.

Do we need to remove her entirely?

No, not yet.

She's not capable of doing much damage.

I'm not hearing a yes, Paul.

Did we get it?

It was great. It was amazing.

I just-- I just think maybe

I might've heard you say Puh-fresno again.

That's how you pronounce it, honey.

Puh-fresno.

Oh, I've been sayin' it wrong my whole life.

Pop up on the P. Pop Up.

Okay, I'll do that.

Gotta admit she's some piece, though.

What a doll.

Who says that? What? Some pie--

It's 2007, not 1951 Chicago, buddy.

What the fuck is some piece? What the...

Lots of people say that.

That cunt Beth Stewart on Channel 7 could never.

She is a-- a cunt.

Now how did he land this broad?

Oh, so you can say broad, but I can't say piece?

Great.

Now you got me talkin' like your old ass.

You older than I am.

Oh, fuck.

You know what?

A woman like that just wants a man she can walk all over.

I'd let her walk all over me. That's for sure.

Oh, for fuck sake!

God, Look at the ass on that. Huh?

- Berth Stewart. She's a cunt! - She's a cunt bitch!

She cunt bitch with no tits!

I'm gonna kill her.

Damn! Whoa! Did you see that?

- I missed it. - That's what you seen.

- That's what you missed. - Oh, fuck.

- Oh, damn, right. - He split his shit.

You see it? Oh my-- ugh!

Oh my God. You see his eye? Like this.

His shit...

Bro.

My God. See ya, buddy. See ya.

Hey, um, what-- what time I gotta take you

to community service?

Oh shit, um, in like 45 minutes.

Can you still gimme a lift?

Yeah. I got you. I got you.

I got someone coming through real quick, though.

Pass that shit, bro. You're hoggin' it.

If you got the hog, then you can hog it.

Fuck is you talking about, man?

Here you go, bro.

- Hey! - Hey, what's good?

What's good, bro? You early, you early.

Come on in.

Well, You know me, you know me.

Oh, what the fuck was that?

Fuckin' Nestor, bro.

God damn.

Yeah.

What the fuck did you do with my parin' knife?

You gotta find it.

Kaboom! You seein' that shit?

I hate find the knife.

And you know I suck at that game, baby.

And who the fuck is this?

Oh, this is my cousin Raphi. Raphi, this is my bro Jeremy.

Come on, man, I told you to call me Pflophaus.

-Word? -Yeah.

Oh my bad. This Pflop. Pflophaus.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

So little cousin, you like music?

Yeah. Who doesn't like music?

Yeah, you look like you like music man.

Man, see, music is fucked up these days.

Everything soundin' the same and shit.

Hey, bro, let's just give music a-- a break for once, huh?

Nah, nah, nah, nah.

I'm about to fuck the game up for real, though.

Like, you gotta check out my new music video.

Word? Yeah, we gonna check it out.

But what you need, man?

Ah, let me put this shit on the TV right quick,

Bro, I'm serious.

I gotta take my cousin to, um...

-Community service. -Community service?

Yeah.

Bro, my boy Buck, he runs that shit downtown.

I-- lemme give him a call. I got you. I'll sort it all out.

Um, mm, I don't think I want you makin' any-- any calls for me.

PFLOPHAUS Nah, it's all good. It's all good.

Lemme get this loaded.

Bro, you bugging.

Watch this. Watch this.

Hell yeah.

Yeah, that shit was different.

Yeah.

So you-- you sell crack, bro?

Man, fuck no!

That shit's been destroying my people for decades.

- I'd never do that. - Right.

Fuck's wrong with you?

Hey, what you need, bro?

Oh, let me get a eighth for, like, 20.

A eighth for 20?

Yeah.

God damn, bro.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Is this a eighth?

Hey, come on, bro. We gotta go, man.

-You like that shit? -Yeah.

All right, man. Good luck today.

Look, I done done this shit a couple times, all right?

Just go in there. Keep your head down.

Do what they say.

Look, don't make no new friends.

Put your music in and just zone the fuck out, all right?

Puff on that twice.

200, wooh!

200? That wasn't even 75. Stop frontin', pussy.

Fuck you. You're ugly.

- I'm ugly? - Look at you, bro.

All right, you felons, fuck ups and you're fuck offs.

Today from 2:00 to 7:00, you are mine.

You no longer have a name. You no longer have a sex.

Your bodies are built for trash.

And I am your trash lord.

I'm sorry, ant.

I didn't know no one made no jokes.

Maybe you think this is some kind of comedy club.

Wanna come up here and tell some funny jokes, funny man?

No? I didn't think so.

This is my ant farm and you are my ant.

You could have saved him!

Now get!

Jesus Christ. What a guy, huh?

Hey. Sorry.

I was just listening to the new Pflophaus track.

You heard of him?

-Wait, seriously? -Yeah.

I was just with that guy.

Dude, shut up. Are you serious?

-Yeah. -No, I'm, like, his biggest fan.

His shit's so aggressive. It's so fucking forward.

- It's amazing. - Yeah. That's wild.

I didn't think many people knew who he was.

Yeah, he's kinda up and coming.

Yeah, he-- he, um, he buys bud from my cousin,

who I've been staying with since I've-- since I've been here.

Damn, you rattin' out your cousin that fast.

-Pretty fucked up. -I know.

I-- I made-- I made it up. Sorry.

I'm fucking with you, dude. The look on your face.

-Yeah. -What's your name?

I'm R-- I'm Raphi.

Raphi. I like that.

I'm Bernadette.

You're kinda cute.

You like Xanax?

Am I famous? What?

No, I said do you like Xanax.

-Oh, yeah, yeah. -Yeah?

Xanax is-- is chill.

Fuckin' knew it.

You ever had pineapple or mango on Xanax before?

Those specific fruit? No. Can't say I have.

Raphi, I'm about to change your community service experience.

Take half this tab.

Cheers.

Why you lookin' at me like that?

Um, sorry, I'm just really high.

-Oh fuck! -I'm fucking with you.

Yo, oh, look, oh, look--

Oh my God! What is this?

- What the fuck? - Oh my God!

What are you screamin' about, boy?

That is a fuckin' gnarly rat!

Oh my God.

What, you never seen a fuckin' rat before?

Oh, you pussy. You goddamn pussy.

What is your problem, man?

-What the fuck? -You fuckin' Americans.

You're so soft! It's just a rat!

You know what we do with rats in my country?

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We kill 'em.

Oh!

Well, shit.

Okay.

Fuck did I end up here?

Oh!

Oh, what have you done?

You killed the mother.

That's a good question.

I was about to ask you why are you here?

The poor little babies.

Um, tagging. Lame, I know.

No, no, that's-- that's great.

I was just hoping you weren't violent.

I'm gonna fix this side, too.

Shit!

Luckily, I'm leaving all these assholes behind.

Oh God!

Where are you going?

College in Iowa.

My uncle lives there, so I said fuck it.

It's good for you.

Just push it in there.

All right. See? Now we can dip.

Wait, what?

Yeah, we're done, dude.

Hey, Buck.

All right.

Work's done, funny guys.

See you tomorrow.

I think I know where we should go.

Yeah?

Why did you put the edible dog shit down?

Jesus Christ, please don't eat that.

Ah. Oh, it's super cute.

So why were you in community service again?

Vicodin.

I'm done with that shit, though.

Damn.

Oh my God.

Sorry.

You look amazing.

It's not really my style, but...

Shut up. You look good.

This isn't really about style right now.

Come here.

All right, come on.

And don't say a word.

Hey there, we're just gonna get these gummy burgies.

Mm-Hmm?

Is that everything?

Yeah, that'll do it.

Hmm.

You sure?

Hmm.

What about you, Green Day? Anything else?

Nope.

- Nope. - Uh-huh.

-I dig those straps. -Oh, thank you.

You know,

some asshole tried to fuck with me last week.

You wanna know what I told him?

Sure.

All right, look,

it's gonna take you roughly three seconds

to put that back on the shelf.

Or you could try to make a run for it.

Get to the door in say, what, six seconds, maybe.

But no matter what you do,

it's only gonna take me two seconds

to grab that shotgun from behind the counter

and blow your fuckin' brains out

across the Dragon Ball Z section!

Can I use your phone to call my mom?

Anyway.

Y'all got big plans today?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

Yeah.

It's gonna be $5 even.

Why draft?

'Cause I, uh,

I like a cool breeze.

Uh-hmm.

Damn!

Denied.

Come on Raphi, don't be so emo.

Today was awesome.

Yeah, it was.

And I think community service

went just about as well as humanly possible, so...

Except for that rat.

- What have you done? - What the fuck?

What have all of you done?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah!

Really, Williams? In the goddamn drive-through?

Go die.

Ugh!

Fucking cunt.

God dammit!

-Yes. -Hello, Officer Williams.

Mr. Pillows, how are you?

What can I do for you?

It's that Mateo fella.

I've been seein' some strange ins and outs

from his home today.

I saw two men carrying a large black trash bag

from his home.

Something seemed off about it. I'm worried it was a body.

I hate to say it, you know how important community is to me,

but I just don't like feeling scared in my own home.

Thank you for bein' the only person in this town

that I can trust.

You are literally the only one.

Always, Officer Williams, always.

We're gonna get him.

Fuckers.

Hey, guys.

Guys?

Fuck is goin' on?

He's gone.

Gone?

Who? Who's gone?

Our best friend, Jay.

Who?

Jay!

Oh, your other roommate.

What, he got, like, locked up for a long time or somethin'?

He hung himself, dude.

He's up there right now fuckin' hangin'.

He's dead, bro.

Oh my God.

He's hangin' up there right now?

Have you called the cops?

Man, I knew you were a fuckin' rat.

Hey, chill the fuck out, Nester.

Get the fuck outta here.

Listen, man.

I'm sorry about your friend, but this shit is serious.

You gotta call the cops and clean up

all your fucking drugs right now.

His family needs to know.

You're right, bro. I'll call the cops.

911. Please state your emergency.

Yeah, this is, uh, Mateo Taylor.

I just wanna call in a suicide at my home.

Goodness gracious.

Let me get a freshener.

Lemme get that.

Yo, Mateo.

What's up?

Who is she?

Oh, I can't explain it right now,

but she's a massive problem.

-Okay. -Hey, bro, hey.

Um, I need you to do somethin' for me, man.

Look, I need you to go up there in Jay's room

and just take a look.

It might be easier for you

'cause you ain't known like we did,

but I just wanna make sure there ain't no shit

that's incriminatin' us up there.

You feel me?

Please?

Uh, um, yeah.

-Yeah. -Okay.

Oh my God.

Oh my fucking... Mateo!

Hey, guys, I know everything's really fresh right now,

so I hate to even ask this, but what the fuck happened

to Jay's hands?

Whoa. Slow, slow, slow down. What happened, bro?

His hands are fucking gone!

They're cut the fuck off!

Fuck.

You got a hog down there, kid?

-Huh? -Nester's fuckin' useless.

-I need a real man. -Huh?

I've pumped those balls so full of HGH

it could kill a opalomino.

And I've got a horse ass.

-You ever ride a horse? -Listen.

Ever been with a horse girl?

With your horse cock?

Now is a really bad time!

Just sayin'.

His hands, his hands, his hands.

What the fuck? His hands!

Yo, this is bad!

Why the fuck did we call the cops, man?

This shit is incriminating shit!

Nester, I thought you threw that shit away.

I know what to do.

What the fuck should we do, Nester?

-Feed him to Larry. -I agree.

I do not agree with that!

I also do not agree with that.

We're not feedin' him to fuckin' Larry, Nester.

Take that. Take your fucking girlfriend.

Get the fuck up out my house, bro.

- I ain't nobody's girlfriend. - Come on.

I belong to the game.

I don't give a fuck who you belong to.

Pinche pendejo.

Callate la boca.

- Stank bitch. - Motherfucker.

Get the fuck outta here. Damn!

On the fuckin' floor!

I am gonna fuck you in the ass with my gun!

Where's the body?

Oh, I can smell the meth in the fucking air!

You get on the fucking ground.

- Yo. - Shut the fuck up, Mateo!

Ah, you have no idea how long I fuckin' waited for this day.

Oh, Mateo, you are my fuckin' bitch.

Oh, you're my bitch.

You'll always be my stupid bitch.

Oh, who's the big drug lord now?

Huh? Who is it?

Not you.

I fuckin' hate you so much.

And you, you fucking little emo twink.

Yo.

What the fuck was that?

Oh, you know what?

I should have fucked your mom the day that I met her.

What?

Oh, I shoulda licked her pussy so hard!

Where's the fuckin' body?

It's up the stairs!

Just chill.

-Yo. -You like that, Mateo?

You like that?

- Calm the fuck down, wi-- Fuck! - Jesus!

Fuck Jesus, what?

I should send you both to hell right fuckin' now!

God hates pieces of shit like y'all!

Why is it always gotta be her?

It will always be me, Mateo!

Always!

Yes!

Finally!

Oh!

Oh, oh.

Oh, finally fuckin' done it!

Ah! Ah!

Oh, Mateo, you are my bitch!

Oh, you pissant!

Oh, there's never gonna be a way you get out of it!

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Howdy fuckin' doody.

You goddamn-- what the fuck?

God damn it.

Oh fuckin' shit!

What the fuck are you doing here, Williams?

Why are these men on the ground in handcuffs?

Uh, this man's a fuckin' murderer, okay?

He's a drug trafficker, too.

And I got a fuckin' phone call from someone in the neighborhood

saying there was gunshots from this house.

All right? There's a body up there.

There was a suicide reported here, ma'am.

-Was there not a suicide? -Was there not a suicide?

Why don't you go check the body and you tell me whether

or not it was a fucking suicide or not.

That man was murdered.

No, no one murdered anyone!

He's upstairs hanging in the room on the left!

Shut the fuck up, you little twink!

This woman has been abusing us, man.

Williams! Unhandcuff these men right now.

- I swear to fucking God. - Move. Move.

- You like bein' slapped. - I remember that.

-Get outta the way. -The fuck is wrong with you?

-You are a police officer, right?

-Yeah, you a camp counselor? -Well, act like one.

The fuck are you doing?

Do you teach yoga to kids?

Get the fuck outta here!

How many people do you sit at the Putter?

-Fuck off! -You having fun?

Is it fun over there?

-At the Putter? -God damn, you're dumb!

Are you a police officer at mini golf, too?

There were no gunshots.

Who said that?

Hey, your fucking concerned ass neighbors, Mateo!

You put them through hell every fucking day

with your fuckin' pink ass.

All right, that's enough.

- Really? - Oh fuck.

Haven't you done enough already?

God dammit! You should take up nursing.

Shouldn't you be sitting some tables?

You should fucking take up nursing.

You're so nice to people.

- Yeah, I'm nice. You right. - Fuck off.

You should be nice at the Putter.

God dammit. Shit!

See, you actin' childish.

That's all you got?

Nope, I have a good job and a career.

-Yeah, so do I! -Yep, at the Putter.

You do fuckin' nothing.

You sit on your ass, you eat fuckin' donuts, yeah.

You look like Sharon Osbourne and Chucky had a baby.

Fuck off!

Sorry they did this to you, man.

Mr. Taylor, is it?

- Mateo. - Mateo.

Look, look, that's my friend Jay up there.

That's my cousin Raphi, he ain't involved in this.

Okay.

So what we're gonna do, we're gonna take you down

for questioning, okay?

Standard protocol for any suicides.

Chillax.

Shit!

Top of that it shouldn't take long, okay?

What are you gonna do with me?

Well, we'll get your number down and if we need anything,

we'll call you.

All right, Mateo's the one that saw him up there.

All right?

And Officer Williams, you can come with us, too.

You can shut the fuck up.

We're clear upstairs. Hes--

He's missing his hands.

He's missin' his hands?

His hands?

They just keep gettin' dumber, Javier.

Remember Finland?

-Lot of bodies. -Lot of bodies.

You know what that means?

-Lot of hands. -Hands.

-Hands. -Hands.

-Hands. -Hands.

Everywhere we looked.

Hands. 100 bodies.

You know what that means?

200 hands!

What a day.

Yo, yo, who's this?

Cha-ching.

Yo, yo, yo, it's Williams.

I need to know exactly what happened

in that house yesterday.

You don't tell me, I'll have you arrested

in the Blink 182 of an eye.

Listen, I came home and Mateo was cryin' on the couch.

And that's all that happened.

He didn't-- he didn't kill anyone.

He wouldn't kill a fly.

All right?

I'll let you know if anything else pops up.

Lies!

Tattoo head!

Oh shit.

Yo, yo, what's up, Bernadette?

Raphi, where the fuck were you today?

Oh fuck. Community service.

Well, I'm not too far from Paradise Circle.

Okay if we still hang out today?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

I'll, um, I'll see you soon.

Okay, I'll see you in a bit.

Jesus.

Oh my God.

Is that a cop on a cross?

He's gonna do it!

Oh, wah-ah-ah-ah!

Yes!

Oh!

It's gonna be a first, damn.

Nester, what the fuck is this?

Your roommate just died.

Mateo's out, my man.

This house?

This is my house.

What the fuck are you talking about?

You know Mateo didn't do shit. You were there.

Hey, man, I was upstairs asleep.

I slept through everything.

I didn't hear a thing.

Jesus fucking Christ.

- Bernadette. - Hey.

You seem excited to see me.

Yeah.

These are your friends?

No, I actually don't know any of these people.

This is, um, this is just my circumstance.

Raphael.

What's up, baby?

You charmer you.

Well, who is this?

Since my friend failed to do so,

I just wanted to introduce myself.

My name is Nester.

- Nice to meet you. - Pleased to meet you.

-Yeah. -Here, baby.

-Live a little. -Yeah, I'm good.

Uh, no, man, we're cool on that.

I gotta go get her a plate.

That guy, Nester, he doesn't know

what he's doing with hands.

Girl, I was trying to tell them,

"Rub it, you know, slap that ass."

Maybe, uh, maybe I shouldn't have brought you here.

My cousin's in jail 'cause they think he killed his--

I guess our roommate.

But he didn't.

There's this cop, man.

She's got it out for him.

She wants me to rat on him.

But fuck that.

She's fucking delusional.

Apparently the feds are looking for missing nukes in town

and she thinks it's him.

I told you that Mateo boy was a terrorist.

This might go deeper than we thought, Debra.

Hey, y'all seen my phone?

Oh. Damn. You wanted that?

(THUMP

The fuck?

-Headshot! -Shit.

So it was the feds who took Mateo down?

Yes, of course.

Surely you saw the plumber van.

Obviously FBI.

Fucking Meat Hat shit. Fuck!

Hey, that's a quality burger. I could eat that every day.

Hand me your weapon.

I'm gonna fuckin' blow my brains out.

You do know he killed his roommate, right?

- I just-- I don't believe it. - It's true, though.

It's true.

Why don't you just leave then?

What do you mean leave?

Like, what's keeping you here?

Your mom?

Community college art classes?

Pfresno, Texas, doesn't deserve us.

Where would I go?

I don't know.

Iowa, too, I guess.

Look, I'm gonna be living on this big ass farm.

To be honest, my uncle would probably be happy

to have you working there.

Did you just ask me

to move to a blackberry farm in Iowa with you?

Is that what just happened?

Thanks.

Look, I'm not asking you to marry me, Raphi.

But we're friends now, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, we're friends.

So blackberries grow on, like, bushes and shit or-- or what?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They grow on bushes.

Mateo, what's taking so long? You all right?

Man, I just got out, dog.

That was some straight up bullshit, man.

Officer Williams thought she had me,

but once again, she ain't have shit.

But anyway, supposedly a bunch of people's hands

have been showin' up in the river.

So we'll find somethin' out soon here.

People's hands are showing up in rivers?

Hands!

Yeah, man.

And that's the fucked up thing.

My close pal dies

and I'm the one that gets locked up.

Where are you?

Huh?

Where are you?

Oh, I'm about to pull up to the crib.

Just-- just hurry up, man.

Nester threw a fucking barbecue

to celebrate the house being his.

Again?

Jesus fucking Christ, man.

You know what? Whatever.

I'm hungry.

Fucking starving, to be honest.

-All right, I'll see you soon. -Yeah.

Where you at, Jay?

Why'd you leave me alone, man?

Where did you go, man?

Where you at, Jay?

Are you in there somewhere?

I know you are.

He's out!

Mateo, you all right, man?

We were worried sick about you, bro, you good?

Yeah, I'm good, straight.

Uh, oh, Bernadette, this is my cousin Mateo.

Mateo.

-Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you.

Your cousin seems to love you a lot.

Word?

Well, you lucky to have a pal like Raphi.

Hey, uh, but let me get a fork, man.

Let me get a beer to wash this shit down.

-Put on that Pflophaus. -Got you, I got you, hey!

Just look at those monsters.

- Sell that crack. - Yeah.

Fuck.

Gimme one second.

God, Carol.

Yes, hello?

Hello, Officer Williams?

Yeah.

I'm so sorry to bother you, but I just have to tell you

that little Nazi rat from next door.

Mateo?

He's having a massive party and he's totally, utterly,

completely out of control!

He's out already, huh?

I'll take care of it.

- Thank you. - All right, bye.

All right. Where were we?

So you want me to go buy whatever drugs I can

from some house?

Yeah.

And you're gonna give me $400.

That is correct.

Yep.

And I need you to do it tonight.

So these drugs are for you?

Yes!

Yes, okay.

Does $500 make you feel better?

- Yeah. - Yeah? Okay.

I'll give you a little deposit right now.

And then when you bring the sugar back to mama,

you get the rest of it, huh?

That make you feel good?

That'll work.

Clark and Nelvin reporting.

Great work, boys.

Ukraine has just confirmed our ID on Jeremy Pillows.

He's our guy.

Geronimo. baby.

The deal is going down tonight.

You need to wait until the buyers

have presented their payment

before making your grand entrance.

Local police will be on standby a few blocks down,

awaiting your go ahead.

With all due respect, sir,

the cops in this shithole are a bunch of fuckin' idiots.

We need SWAT here.

I second that, sir.

Officer Williams went on some fucking power trip

on one of the neighbors last night

and nearly blew our cover.

That's not Rusty's daughter is she?

Apple fell very far from the tree, sir.

You remember that time old Rusty

brought her along to the office?

God, she was just a kid.

Just runnin' around pretending to be a hero like Dad.

Just savin' lives.

At any rate, we are well aware of Pfresno PD's shortcomings.

So you will be accompanied tonight by a notorious cop

and pardoned war criminal coming in from Dallas.

She goes by the name Goose.

What the hell kinda name is Goose?

We're dead.

She is an ex SEAL,

dishonorably discharged for single-handedly wipin' out

an entire Afghan village.

Don't panic.

Don't panic.

Roger that, sir.

Oh fuck.

Hey, Pflophaus had it turnt, man.

- I love sellin'-- - Hey, guys, what's up?

Oh, hey, guys, what's up?

Hey! where the fuck have you been, Nester?

Ain't this your goddamn barbecue?

Why the fuck did you throw a party here?

This ain't your house!

I know, man. It's totally uncalled for.

-Somebody gave me some bad meth. -Some bad meth?

-I wasn't thinking clearly, man. -You never thinkin'.

-Hey. -Hey.

I'll be right back.

There's something I have to take care of.

It's very urgent.

Squatter's rights, huh?

It's unfortunate.

All right, you good?

I'll be watchin' the whole time.

You ain't got nothin' to worry about.

Do I look like a man that spends his days worryin'?

No, I suppose not.

Drugs and guns, baby.

Drugs and guns. That's what we want.

Whoa, you never mentioned guns before.

Just go get mama her shit.

Calm down. I'll get you your drugs.

I'll get you your guns.

Whatever.

Motherfucker!

Hey, what's happenin' man?

Nothin' much, just having a few beers.

-Hey, do I know you? -Nah.

Hey, man, uh, what you need?

'Cause if you don't need no nothing,

I think you should probably get on up out of here.

Drugs and guns.

-What? -Just tryin' to party.

Man, I don't know what you're trying to do,

but I think you should keep guns out of it.

Hey, somethin' going down there

at that Mateo fellow's home.

Is that Panda?

Pandemonium! What's up, man?

Yo, Nester.

-I knew you weren't dead. -I'm back, bitch!

Hey, Nester, you know this guy?

Oh yeah, he's cool people. We go way back.

What's up, baby boy?

What do you need?

Ah, shit.

Sorry, guys.

Some cop's payin, me $500 to get drugs and I guess guns.

But fuck that.

I ain't rattin, my boy out.

Hey, man.

Was that cop's name Officer Williams by chance?

I don't know

She's a mousey-lookin' little chick.

- Got a black eye. - Yeah.

Big attitude.

Fuckin' no ass.

She's right outside.

Yeah, that is Officer Williams' crazy ass.

Fuckin' maniac.

Hey, look, man, we don't sell guns here,

so I appreciate you not rattin on us, I guess.

-I got you. -Come on in, man.

Let's hang out.

I am her.

That bitch.

Yeah, let it play out.

Looks small time.

We'll monitor it from here.

Well, the, uh, warheads will be ready in just a minute.

So who you guys plannin' on bombin' first?

Oh, actually, we're not gonna be bombing anyone.

So we're gonna have these puppies destroyed

before they end up in the wrong hands.

Well, Pillows, were starting with Hong Kong,

the biggest isolated pollution source on Earth.

What are you doing, Panda?

I see no drugs, Panda.

What the fuck, Panda?

That's a no go.

I know one of the roommates.

You know, Mateo?

Why wouldn't you tell me that?

No, Nester.

Oh my God.

The meth head?

Whoa, hey, hey, you don't know what he's been through.

Nor do I care!

Look, just get out of here before they fuckin' see me.

What about my $500?

I put my life on the line for this shit.

No guns, no drugs.

I don't see why.

Wow!

That is a big man.

He's massive.

Here we go.

You know, there's too many people in the world,

right Dean?

And there's not enough food.

Well, actually, there's only about 1 million people on Earth.

The census is totally fabricated.

But, well, okay, what about world peace?

The path to peace was never peaceful.

I said, "Give me my fuckin' money!"

Get outta my fuckin' face.

All right?

Now go.

Before they fuckin' see me.

-Go! -All right.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Panda! Fuck! No!

Not my champagne Corolla!

God damn it! Ugh!

Fuck! Where are my fucking keys?

Fuck!

Showtime. Paul, wake up!

- Oh, let's rock movie star. - Hurry!

Tattoo headed motherfucker!

That motherfucker crazy.

What the fuck?

What-- is that Williams in the front seat?

Oh God, it is Williams.

Go shine, honey!

Hey, Nester, you wanna help me get this bitch?

Nester, what you doin'?

Yo, Nester, Nester, chill.

Don't fuck with me, Mateo. I got this man.

Panda, stop!

I'm an officer of the fuckin' law!

Fuck that.

Officer Williams needs to start shooting

before somebody gets hurt.

God damn it, where are my fucking keys?

-Where's my gun? -Again?

Where the fuck is my gun, god dammit?

- Got you! - Fuck!

You ain't goin' nowhere.

Oh, fuck, shit.

Fuck, he's fucking dead.

Aha!

Oh, fuck.

-That's what we wanted, right? -That's what we wanted.

- Honey, I'm done. - I'm done. I'm done, honey.

I can't-- I can't do it anymore.

I can't do this.

Do you actually think that you deserve these?

I'll fucking leave your ass right now!

Now keep filming!

Okay, okay.

Step back.

I'm an officer of the law.

I need you to stop filming right this second!

No!

This is America, honey.

You're going to die.

- Oh, fuck! - Shit.

-Got you, bitch. -He got her.

God damn it, fucking meth head bitch!

- Oh my God. - Fuck!

FBI!

- Oh! - Fuck.

No, no!

Officer, are you hit?

Yes.

-Yes they're all in the house. -Fuck!

Into that house hurry. The deal is already underway!

God damn it, Williams!

Fucked up worse than you could ever feasibly imagine.

It was a diversion!

It was Mateo!

Fuckin' bitch.

Ha- ha!

Mm, hands, anyone?

Nah, we stopped at Meat Hat on the way out here.

Meat Hat good.

- Them were good. - Pretty Good, huh?

They were good.

Fuck you.

Fuck.

Your father was the best agent I ever knew.

He had such high hopes for you.

God, he'd be so disappointed.

FBI.

Clark!

Jesus motherfucking Christ!

They're in here!

Did somebody say world motherfucking peace?

So it makes sense to leave Pfresno now.

Is there-- is there room in Iowa for Mateo, too?

There's enough room in Iowa for the entire city of Pfresno.

All your roommates are dead.

We're fucking leaving.

Hey, duck! Come on. Come on. Come on.

Hey, help me.

Don't panic.

Die, pig bitch!

Shit, man.

Oh, Mateo!

Holy fuck, bro.

You know, I've dreamt of this day

for a long fuckin' time, man.

Dreamt of killing you in cold blood since you were

a sophomore at Pfresno High,

you little half-baked faggot.

Jesus fucking Christ, this bitch is gonna fucking kill me.

Your friends, Nester

and Panda,

they're fuckin' waitin' for you.

In hell!

I don't know if I can do it, bro.

I don't know if I can kill somebody else.

Come out and face me!

-Fuck that. -No, you're right.

You're right. You're right.

You scared?

You scared, you little punk ass bitch?

Where are you at, Mateo?

I love you, cuz.

Mateo.

Where's your pig?

Where is it?

Never fuck with a horse girl!

This is for Nester!

Kaboom, come on!

Do you think she's dead or...

Picture's up.

Okay.

Someone's child, someone's lover,

someone's husband.

Tragedy struck Puh-fresno, Texas, today, America.

More details to come.

Shay Burrata, Texas, USA.

Another angle.

Oh, gross.

-Right, right.

God damn it now!

-Call it. -9:36 p.m, time of death.

To be honest, always planned on leavin' this shithole,

but I ain't think it go down like this.

Hey, y'all got room for a third wheel in, uh,

Utah or whatever?

It's Iowa.

But yeah.

Same difference.

So you gonna tell your mom?

Right.

So many dead pigs.

Oh shit, I gotta check on Larry.

Hey.

Be right back.