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[SNORING]

* TODAY IS MY FAVORITE DAY

* IT'S THE BEST IN EVERY WAY

* SO MUCH MORE THAN JUST OK

* IT'S A VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY *

* GOOD DAY

* TODAY IS MY FAVORITE DAY

* I DO HOPE IT'S NOT CLICHÉ *

* IT'S EXACTLY AS I SAY

* DON'T BELIEVE ME, THEN JUST LOOK *

* WHAT'S WRITTEN UNDER MY TOUPEE *

* TODAY IS MY FAVORITE DAY

* I LIKE IT MORE THAN A SOUFFLÉ *

* TRAFFIC LIGHTS YOU SHOULD OBEY *

* I'M REALLY, REALLY, REALLY RUNNING OUT OF WORDS *

* THAT RHYME...WITH DAY

FRED!

[GASPS]

FRED!

[CHUCKLES] MORNING, MOM.

ARE YOU SINGING?

NO! SINGING? MOM!

THAT'S CRAZY TALK!

'CAUSE YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT OPENING MUSICAL NUMBERS.

YOU DON'T NEED SOME FLASHY SONG AND DANCE

TO GET PEOPLE TO LIKE YOU, FRED.

YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT.

I KNOW, MOM.

* TODAY I LOVE THIS DAY

* BECAUSE TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL *

* THE BEST DAY OF SCHOOL IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL *

* THE BEST DAY OF SCHOOL IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL *

* GOOD-BYE, GEOMETRY, GOOD-BYE, HOMEROOM *

* GOOD-BYE TO THE STENCH OF MISS McGURKIN'S CHEAP PERFUME *

[SPRAYING]

* THE BEST DAY OF SCHOOL IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL *

* THE BEST DAY OF SCHOOL IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL *

* NO MORE WET WILLIES, SPITBALLS IN YOUR HAIR *

* THE LAST DAY THEY'LL HANG YOU BY YOUR UNDERWEAR *

* THE BEST DAY OF SCHOOL IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL *

* THE BEST DAY OF SCHOOL IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL *

* GOOD-BYE, LUNCH FOOD, HOW DO WE SURVIVE? *

* I WON'T MISS THE MEATLOAF

* IS IT ALIVE?

[GURGLING]

BE GONE, CURSED BEAST!

GO BACK TO WHATEVER CRUEL MEATLOAF WORLD YOU CAME FROM!

DIE! DIE! DIIIIIIIIIEE!

SORRY.

[MARCHING BAND PLAYING, WHISTLE]

ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE.

THIS IS THE BIG FINISH!

SO LET'S REALLY MAKE IT COUNT!

* THE BEST DAY OF SCHOOL IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL *

* THE BEST DAY OF SCHOOL IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL *

* THE BEST DAY IS THE LAST DAY *

* IS THE BEST DAY 'CAUSE IT'S THE LAST DAY *

* OF SCHOOL

[FIREWORKS]

* YEAH, THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL IS THE BEST DAY OF SCHOOOOOL! *

SORRY, UM, I JUST REALLY LIKE TODAY, SO...

KEVIN!

YOU'RE SUCH A DORK, DAZZLE FIGGLEHORN.

OH, NICE SHOT, KEVIN.

YOUR ACCURACY HAS REALLY IMPROVED.

OK, CLASS, BACK TO WORK.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

YEAH, I DON'T KNOW.

I'LL PROBABLY SPEND MY SUMMER JUST LISTENING TO MUSIC,

CATCH UP ON SOME MOVIES, RELAX, YOU KNOW.

YEAH, THAT'S COOL.

OW! BERTHA, WHAT WAS THAT FOR?

FRED, YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT THAT STUPID SUMMER CAMP AGAIN, AREN'T YOU?

I WAS THINKING ABOUT CAMP SUPERIOR,

BUT, I MEAN, IT'S PRETTY MUCH

THE BEST SUMMER CAMP IN THE ENTIRE GALAXY.

SEE?

WELL, CAMP'S JUST REALLY NOT MY THING.

I'M ALLERGIC TO KUMBAYA.

BUT, BERTHA, IT'S GOT WATER SLIDES, TWO WAFFLE BARS--

TRADITIONAL AND BELGIUM, JET SKIS,

A STABLE OF CLYDESDALE HORSES, MONKEY BUTLERS.

MONKEY BUTLERS?

OK, SO, SO, THAT'S NOT IN HERE, BUT, I MEAN,

I'M PRETTY SURE THEY HAVE IT, RIGHT?

UH, WELL, THINGS AREN'T GOING TO BE THE SAME AROUND HERE

WITHOUT YOU, FIGGLEHORN.

FRED, YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT THAT STUPID SUMMER CAMP.

NO, I WASN'T THAT TIME.

I WAS THINKING ABOUT HOW COOL IT WOULD BE TO HAVE A MONKEY BUTLER.

SO WHAT WERE YOU SAYING, BERTHA?

I'LL NEED THIS, THIS, AND I'LL DEFINITELY NEED THIS.

HA HA.

THIS IS SO INCREDIBLE!

DO YOU BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO CAMP SUPERIOR?

DID YOU KNOW IT WAS NAMED THE TOP SUMMER CAMP

IN THE ENTIRE COUNTRY BY "SUMMER CAMP MAGAZINE"?

[GRUNTING]

[CAT MEOWING, SCREECHING]

AND DONE.

ALL RIGHT, NOW THAT I PACKED THE ESSENTIALS,

I SHOULD PROBABLY PUT SOME CLOTHES IN THERE, TOO.

PERFECT.

[GRUNTING]

GO DOWN!

OH!

[GRUNTING]

OOH!

WHEW!

OH, I'M REALLY GOING TO MISS YOU, FREDDIE.

SO ON AND SO FORTH.

THANKS, MOM. I'LL MISS YOU, TOO.

ARE YOU ALL PACKED UP AND READY TO GO

BECAUSE THAT CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE BUS

IS GOING TO BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

WHAT BUS SHOULD BE PULLING UP?

THE CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE BUS.

NO, MOM, IT'S CALLED CAMP SUPERIOR,

NOT IWANNAPEEPEE.

WHO WOULD NAME THEIR CAMP THAT?

IT'S THE STUPIDEST NAME EVER.

I LOOKED IN THAT CAMP SUPERIOR PLACE.

IT WAS WAY TOO EXPENSIVE.

SO I SIGNED YOU UP FOR CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE.

I MEAN, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

CAMP IS CAMP, RIGHT?

[GASPS]

FRED, ARE YOU OK?

UH! Man: CLEAR!

UH! UH!

UH! AH!

DAMN IT! WE LOST HIM.

SEE WHAT HAPPENS, MOTHER?

SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SEND ME TO THE WRONG SUMMER CAMP?

NOW I'M A GHOST.

[FLAT LINE]

UH! UH!

THIS IS SO UNFAIR!

THIS IS GOING TO BE THE WORST SUMMER EVER!

[SCREAMING]

THIS IS HORRIBLE!

OH, COME ON, FRED, YOU'RE OVERREACTING.

I'M SURE IT WON'T BE THAT BAD.

IT'S CALLED CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE, MOM.

HOW GOOD COULD IT POSSIBLY BE?

FRED, DO YOU KNOW WHAT SWEETBREADS ARE?

NO, BUT THEY SOUND DELICIOUS.

SWEETBREADS ARE STOMACH AND PANCREAS MEAT.

OOH! GROSS!

AND THAT IS JUST MY POINT.

YOU CAN'T ALWAYS JUDGE SOMETHING BY ITS NAME.

[BOOM]

[BOOM]

OR MAYBE I'M WRONG.

[YELLING]

FRED, YOU CAN DO THIS.

YOU CAN HANDLE ANY CURVEBALL

LIFE THROWS YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE FRED FIGGLEHORN.

GET IT?

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

I CAN DO THIS.

I MEAN, I'M NOT GOING TO LET SOME STUPID SUMMER CAMP BRING ME DOWN.

WHOO!

BECAUSE I'M FRED FIGGLEHORN, DAMN IT!

SORRY I'M LATE. TOOK A COUPLE OF WRONG TURNS.

ALMOST ENDED UP DRIVING THIS BUS OF KIDS INTO A RAVINE.

BUT THEY'RE TROOPERS.

THAT WAS NOT GOOD. NOT GOOD AT ALL. ANYHOO...

I'M LOOKING FOR A TED TWINKLECORN.

THAT'S FRED FIGGLEHORN TO YOU, MISTER.

AND HE'S RIGHT HERE.

FRED?

FREEEED!

I DON'T WANT TO GO!

NO! NO!

[SCREAMING]

NO, MOM! I CHANGED MY MIND!

NO! NO! NOOO! [SOBBING]

YOU CAN DO THIS, FRED!

OHH! MOM!

I BELIEVE IN YOU!

NO! [CRYING]

DON'T FORGET TO WRITE!

[COUGHING]

[SCREAMING]

HEY, GUYS, I'M FRED FIGGLEHORN.

I'M JUST GOING TO APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE

FOR WHAT I'M ABOUT TO DO.

[SCREAMING]

HEY, WHAT'S UP?

[SCREAMING]

HOWDY, CAMPERS.

MY NAME IS FLOYD SPUNKMEYER,

AND I'M THE DIRECTOR OF CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE.

FEEL FREE TO CALL ME FLOYD

OR BIG FLOYD OR DR. SPUNKENSTEIN.

YOU CAN CALL ME ANYTHING YOU WANT,

JUST DON'T CALL ME LATE FOR S'MORES.

SERIOUSLY, WE DON'T HAVE S'MORES HERE

BECAUSE I AM DEATHLY ALLERGIC TO MARSHMALLOW.

ALSO, IRONICALLY, HOT DOGS,

BUT WHO EATS HOT DOGS AT A SUMMER CAMP?

AM I RIGHT?

THAT DUDE KNOWS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

DID YOU KNOW THAT IWANNAPEEPEE IS ACTUALLY

AN OLD CHEROKEE INDIAN TERM

THAT MEANS BLESSED RAY OF SUNSHINE?

SO LET ME THE FIRST TO GIVE YOU THE OFFICIAL CAMP GREETING.

IWANNAPEEPEE ON YOU.

IWANNAPEEPEE ON YOU.

IWANNAPEEPEE ON ALL OF YOU.

QUESTION?

I WAS JUST WONDERING IF YOU HAVE ANY WATER SLIDES HERE?

NO. WE DON'T HAVE ANY WATER SLIDES.

NO WATER SLIDES. ANYBODY ELSE?

OK.

DO YOU HAVE ANY CLYDESDALE HORSES?

WE DON'T HAVE CLYDESDALES, BUT WE DO HAVE A HORSE.

HIS NAME IS FRANCIS AND HE ONLY HAS THREE LEGS.

[NEIGHS]

BUT WE LOVE HIM AS THOUGH HE HAD FIVE.

DO YOU HAVE MONKEY BUTLERS?

[GIGGLING]

WHAT?

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY.

YOU'VE BEEN ON A LONG BUS TRIP.

LET'S GET SOME GRUB

AND THEN FIGURE OUT SOME BUNK ASSIGNMENTS. OK?

COME ON! WE'RE AT CAMP!

YOU'RE THE COOK, TOO?

YOU'RE DANG TOOTIN'.

I'M ALSO THE COUNSELOR, TRAIL GUIDE, LIFEGUARD,

AND ON TUESDAYS AND THURSDAYS I TEACH YOUR NEEDLEPOINT CLASS.

SEE, IT'S A NEEDLEPOINT OF ME NEEDLE POINTING.

NICE.

YEAH, IT'S PRETTY GREAT.

I'M KIND OF AWESOME AT EVERYTHING I DO.

UH...GROSS! WHAT IS THIS STUFF?

GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED AMERICAN GRUEL.

AHH.

OH! UH, TRUST ME,

YOU DON'T WANT TO DRINK THAT. WHY?

LET'S JUST SAY IT'S CALLED BUG JUICE FOR A REASON.

OK.

NAME'S WILLIAM.

BUT EVERYONE AROUND HERE JUST CALLS ME MAGOO.

HEY, I'M FRED.

NICE TO MEET YOU, FRED.

WELCOME TO CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE,

WE'RE A SUMMER CAMP HONOR.

YOU CAN SIT WITH US.

HEY, GUYS. THIS IS FRED.

HE'S NEW TO CAMP, SO GO EASY ON HIM, OK?

HELLO.

OH, THAT'S CHATTER. DON'T MIND HIM.

HE NEVER TALKS.

THAT ONE OVER THERE IS SPOON.

SHE'S ALWAYS EATING AND I MEAN ALWAYS.

HOLA.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST, THERE'S DIG.

WHAT'S UP? WHY DO THEY CALL YOU DIG?

BECAUSE I DIG HOLES.

I GUESS THAT MAKES SENSE.

I'M NOT SURE IF YOU PICKED A BUNKHOUSE YET,

BUT IF NOT, YOU CAN BUNK WITH US.

WE'RE IN CABIN 13 AND WE HAVE--

SHH. HERE SHE COMES. QUIET.

HERE WHO COMES?

OKSANA.

[CHUCKLING]

OHH!

HELLO, KIDS.

WHO IS SHE?

THE CAMP NURSE.

AND SHE'S TERRIBLE AT IT, BUT NOBODY SEEMS TO MIND.

SHE GETS HOTTER EVERY YEAR.

WAIT, EVERY YEAR?

YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE?

YEAH, IT'S MINE AND CHATTER'S THIRD YEAR.

BUT DIG AND SPOON HAVE BEEN HERE FOR FOUR.

FOUR YEARS AT THIS DUMP?

HOW CAN YOU STAND IT? THIS PLACE IS HORRIBLE.

IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

IT'S NOT PERFECT.

IT STARTS TO KIND OF GROW ON YOU AFTER A WHILE.

YEAH, I'M SURE IT DOES.

IT GROWS ON YOU LIKE A BAD FUNGUS.

[BURPS]

HA HA HA! BOOM.

IF YOU LIKE THAT, YOU SHOULD HEAR HIM FART THE ALPHABET.

WOW, HIS MOTHER MUST BE SO PROUD.

WHO DO YOU THINK TAUGHT HIM?

[LAUGHTER]

EW! [FARTS]

I SEE YOU'RE ADMIRING THE NEW TROPHY CASE I JUST HAD INSTALLED.

MR. SPUNKMEYER, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?

OH, IT'S JUST A MOSQUITO BITE.

YOU SHOULD SEE WHEN I GET A BEE STING.

MY HEAD SWELLS UP LIKE A PINATA.

OKSANA HAS TO SUCK OUT THE EXCESS PUS WITH A TURKEY BASTER.

GROSS!

YEAH, MAN. IT REALLY IS.

WHEW.

SO WHERE ARE ALL YOUR TROPHIES ANYWAY?

ARE THEY BEING CLEANED OR SOMETHING?

YEAH, WE DON'T-- WE DON'T HAVE ANY TROPHIES.

YOU SEE, FRED, EVERY SUMMER WE COMPETE AGAINST CAMP SUPERIOR

IN A GRUELING 3-DAY COMPETITION CALLED THE SUMMER CAMP GAMES.

AND WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT?

EVERY YEAR CAMP SUPERIOR HAS TAKEN HOME THE TROPHY.

HOW LONG HAVE THESE GAMES BEEN GOING ON?

69 YEARS.

69 YEARS?!

FOUR GENERATIONS OF SPUNKMEYERS

HAVE TRIED TO BRING HOME THAT TROPHY WITH NO LUCK.

BUT MY GRANDFATHER HAD A PROPHECY THAT ONE DAY

A VERY SPECIAL BOY WOULD COME TO THIS CAMP AND LEAD US TO VICTORY.

AND, FRED, I BELIEVE WITH ALL MY HEART

THAT THAT SPECIAL YOUNG BOY IS YOU.

ME?

REALLY? WOW!

NO, NOT YOU. I SAID HUGH.

AS IN HUGH THOMPSON OVER THERE.

LOOK AT HIM. HE'S AMAZING!

I HAD THIS T-SHIRT PRINTED UP TO SHOW MY SUPPORT.

HUGH CAN DO IT!

YOU GOT IT, FLOYD!

I'M COUNTING ON YOU, BUDDY.

[GRUNTING]

WHERE THE HECK IS CABIN 13?

[GRUNTING]

[RUSTLING]

HELLO? IS SOMEBODY THERE?

COME HERE, BOY.

I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.

[SCREAMING]

IT'S A MAP OF THE CAMPGROUNDS.

[SCREAMING]

UH!

OHH! HYAH! HYAH! OH!

HYAH! HYAH! HYAH! HYAH! WHOA!

WHOA THERE, FRED. WHERE'S THE FIRE?

SERIOUSLY, THE CAMP'S NOT ON FIRE AGAIN, IS IT?

PLEASE, MURRAY, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME.

THERE'S SOME CRAZY OLD GUY TRYING TO GET ME.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

THAT'S JUST SCARY GARY, THE MAINTENANCE MAN.

HE'S HARMLESS... PRETTY MUCH.

SCARY GARY? IF HE'S SO HARMLESS,

THEN MAYBE HE SHOULD HAVE A LESS MENACING NAME,

LIKE SCARY BARRY OR SCARY LARRY OR...JOEY.

ANYWAY, DO YOU KNOW HOW TO--

WAY AHEAD OF YOU, BUDDY.

AND THE ANSWER TO YOUR FIRST QUESTION IS YES!

I AM DATING OKSANA, THE FOXY NURSE RIGHT THERE.

GOOD FOR YOU, MURRAY.

AND WHEN I SAY DATING,

I MEAN I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY TALKED TO HER YET.

WOW, AND PEOPLE SAY I'M DELUSIONAL.

WHAT'S THAT? NOTHING.

UM, DO YOU KNOW HOW TO GET TO CABIN 13?

IT'S RIGHT HERE.

LOOKS NICE.

YEAH, SEE THE PEOPLE?

[CHUCKLES]

HERE YOU GO.

BEST BUNK IN THE CABIN.

AAH!

I WAS WRONG.

UHH!

[CREAKING]

YEAH, DEFINITELY THIS ONE.

SO, MURRAY, WHERE'S THE BATHROOM IN THIS PLACE?

[FLIES BUZZING]

HERE SHE IS.

WORD OF ADVICE...

IF YOU HAVE TO USE IT AT NIGHT, BRING A BUDDY.

A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO ONE OF THE CAMPERS HAD A LITTLE ACCIDENT.

AND BY ACCIDENT, I MEAN, HE FELL IN.

OOH.

BY ONE OF THE CAMPERS, I MEAN, IT WAS ME.

WORST FIVE HOURS OF MY LIFE.

[GURGLING, FART]

EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND.

OHH, I HATE THIS PLACE SO MUCH!

I HATE IT MORE THAN GYM CLASS!

I HATE IT MORE THAN EATING BRUSSELS SPROUTS!

I HATE IT MORE THAN EATING BRUSSELS SPROUTS IN GYM CLASS!

WHICH I HAD TO DO ONCE FOR REASONS THAT I'M NOT GOING TO GET INTO RIGHT NOW!

MARK MY WORDS, I WILL ESCAPE FROM THIS DEMENTED PLACE!

I DON'T CARE IF I HAVE TO TUNNEL MY WAY OUT OF HERE!

WOW, I SOUNDED PRETTY COOL THERE, DIDN'T I?

YEAH, I CAN BE A PRETTY BAD DUDE WHEN I WANNA BE.

[OWL HOOTING]

ALL RIGHT.

TIME TO TUNNEL MY WAY OUT OF HERE.

[GRUNTING]

[COUGHING]

OHH!

ALL RIGHT, YOU DID IT, FRED!

[SIREN BLARING]

[YELLING]

[GRUNTING]

OH, NUTS.

MURRAY?

TRYING TO LEAVE SO SOON, FRED.

WHAT? NO!

I WAS JUST GOING FOR A MIDNIGHT JOG.

YOU KNOW WHAT WE DO TO KIDS

WHO TRY TO ESCAPE FROM CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE?

TELL THEM NOT TO DO IT AGAIN,

FOLLOWED BY SOME LIGHT TICKLING?

GET IT WHILE IT'S HOT, KIDS.

TODAY'S GRUEL HAS A VERY SPECIAL INGREDIENT.

OOH, GROSS.

MURRAY, DID YOU CUT UP FRED AND PUT HIM IN THE GRUEL?

[LOWER VOICE] OHH!

OH, MOM, I HAD THE MOST HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE.

I DREAMT YOU SENT ME TO THE WORST SUMMER CAMP EVER

AND ALSO I HAD THIS WEIRD SPED -P CHIPMUNK VOICE

THAT GOT REALLY ANNOYING AFTER A WHILE.

[BRITISH ACCENT] RELAX, FRED, YOU'RE AT HOME NOW.

Man: IT WAS ALL A BAD DREAM.

[CHUCKLES]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING] NO, IT'S GARY! NO!

YOU ARE NOT MY MOM!

[PANTING]

SO...HOW DID EVERYONE SLEEP?

[HARMONICA PLAYING]

HOWDY, KIDS.

AND WELCOME TO THE SOOTHING SOUNDS

OF FLOYD RADIO, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.

FIRST, LET'S START OFF THE DAY WITH SOME ANNOUNCEMENTS.

IT'S ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL DAY HERE AT CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE.

THE BIRDS ARE SHINING AND THE SUN IS CHIRPING.

IT'S ALSO THE PERFECT DAY

TO TAKE A NICE MORNING SWIM IN THE LAKE.

OF COURSE, IF YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT GOING FOR A SWIM THIS MORNING, DON'T.

HUH?

WE'RE STILL CLEANING UP FROM THAT CHEMICAL SPILL.

SERIOUSLY?

YES, SERIOUSLY, LAWRENCE.

THAT LAKE IS NO PLACE FOR CHILDREN.

YOU THINK?

[SIGHS] THIS PLACE IS A NIGHTMARE.

THE FOOD IS TERRIBLE.

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO HOLD MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT FOR SIX WHOLE WEEKS.

MAN, I CAN REALLY USE

ONE OF MY DAD'S INSPIRATIONAL SPEECHES RIGHT NOW.

[BANGING]

[GRUNTING]

DAD?

HEY, THERE YOU ARE.

AH! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY REFRIGERATORS

I HAD TO GO THROUGH TO GET YOU.

LIKE, THREE AT LEAST.

WELL, I'M GLAD YOU FOUND ME, DAD.

I CAN REALLY USE SOME CHEERING UP.

THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR, SON.

LIFE THROWS YOU A PROBLEM,

YOU JUST GOT TO PUT IT IN A HEADLOCK AND HOLD ON.

[FLIES BUZZING]

[NEIGHS]

TAKE THAT PROBLEM AND YOU JUST GOT TO...

AAH!

BODY SLAM THAT PROBLEM IN THE TEETH.

Fred: OHH.

YOU SEE, FRED, IT'S LIKE THIS--

THE KEY TO YOUR PROBLEM IS...

YOU JUST GOT TO...

AAH!

[COUGHING]

[FLIES BUZZING]

THIS PLACE IS GROSS, FRED.

I CAN GET THROUGH IT, RIGHT?

YOU GOT PROBLEMS WITH A GIRL, I'M THERE FOR YOU, SON.

IF YOU THINK YOUR MUSIC TEACHER IS A VAMPIRE,

I GOT NO PROBLEM BODY SLAMMING HIM.

BUT THIS PLACE?

YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.

YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING TO GIVE YOU ANY ADVICE?

ACTUALLY, I AM.

BE COOL, STAY IN SCHOOL.

KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE. GOT MILK?

THAT'S THE BEST YOU'VE GOT?

YEAH. UH...

GOOD LUCK, BECAUSE IN THIS PLACE YOU'RE GOING TO NEED IT.

YOU CAN'T SEE ME.

THANKS A LOT, DAD.

YOU'VE BEEN A GREAT HELP.

AND IN CASE YOU CAN'T TELL, I'M BEING SARCASTIC.

OOH, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

MY DAD CAN'T EVEN HELP ME.

BERTHA'S NOT HERE.

AND MY POOR MOM...

OH, I DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT HER.

SHE'S PROBABLY WORRIED SICK ABOUT ME.

ARE YOU EVER GOING TO PAY FOR YOUR PIZZA, MA'AM?

BECAUSE I REALLY SHOULD GET BACK TO WORK.

OH, JUST GIVE ME FIVE MORE MINUTES, RANDY,

AND THEN WE'LL SEE.

OH, RANDY, RANDY.

HEY, GUYS, I THINK SOMEONE SAW US LAST NIGHT.

WE HAVE REALLY GOT TO BE MORE CAREFUL. OK?

GOD, IF SOMEONE SAW US AND FOUND OUT

ABOUT THE RAT HOLE, WE WOULD BE SO BUSTED.

I KNOW.

[FRED CRYING]

WHY?

IT SOUNDS LIKE CRYING.

OR A LITTLE GIRL LAUGHING.

[SOBBING]

FRED?

[SOBBING]

IS THAT YOU?

OH, OH, YEAH, ONE SECOND.

GIVE ME ONE SECOND.

OOH!

HEY, GUYS.

HEY, WERE YOU JUST CRYING?

NO. NO, WHY WOULD I BE CRYING?

I WASN'T CRYING.

I HATE CRYING.

ANYWAYS, WHAT WERE YOU GUYS DOING?

I HEARD YOU TALKING ABOUT A RAT HOLE OR SOMETHING.

RAT HOLE? NO.

WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

I HATE RATS.

YEAH.

OK.

YEAH. IT IS OK.

GOOD.

SO GOOD.

SO...SEE YOU AROUND?

PEACE OUT.

OH, AND BE CAREFUL.

NOT SURE IF YOU SAW IT,

BUT THAT'S POISON IVY RIGHT THERE.

POISON IVY?

YEAH. YOU DIDN'T TOUCH IT, DID YOU?

I THINK I KNOW WHAT POISON IVY LOOKS LIKE.

I'M NOT AN IDIOT.

OH, THE PAIN!

THE PAIN!

WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN SOMETHING CALLED

POISON IVY WOULD HURT THIS MUCH?

TAKE THIS, NO?

BUT THIS IS TOOTHPASTE.

THIS WON'T HELP MY RASH AT ALL.

I NEED SOMETHING LIKE ALOE.

HELLO?

ALOE, NOT HELLO. ALOE!

HELLO! WE MET MANY TIMES.

YOU USE PASTE FOR TOOTH, OK?

OK, OKSANA, THANKS.

ALRIGHTEE. I GOT ANOTHER SICK ONE FOR YOU, OKSANA.

THIS KID SAYS IT FEELS LIKE HIS BRAIN HAS TURNED INTO SWISS CHEESE.

YUM!

ALL RIGHT. COME ON.

YOU KNOW, I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING GOING AROUND CAMP.

SOMETHING REALLY BAD.

WHAT?

SUDDENLY, THE WOMAN SCREAMED.

AND SHE LOOKED DOWN AND IN HER HAND

WERE ALL THAT REMAINED OF HER CRUMPLED RECEIPT.

THE STORE HAD OVERCHARGED HER FOR THE PLUNGER.

[COYOTE HOWLS]

AH! OHH!

JEEZ. EVEN THE SCARY STORIES HERE ARE HORRIBLE.

SO IT'S A SCARY STORY WE'RE LOOKING FOR?

I GOT ONE THAT WILL SCARE THE PANTS OFF YOU.

IT HAPPENED 25 YEARS AGO, TONIGHT,

IN THESE VERY WOODS.

OHH! ACCORDING TO THIS MAP,

THE CAMP SHOULD BE RIGHT HERE!

THIS IS HOPELESS.

WHATEVER WILL I DO?

HELLO?

[RUSTLING]

ANSWER ME AT ONCE, STRANGE FELLOW!

THAT CREATURE IN THE WOODS

WAS THE MOST HORRIBLE THING KNOWN TO MANKIND--

THE CROCOBEARIMOOSE.

WAIT, THE WHAT?

THE CROCOBEARIMOOSE.

HE HAD THE HEAD OF A CROCODILE,

THE BODY OF A BEAR, AND ANTLERS OF A MOOSE.

HE WAS ACTUALLY A VERY FEROCIOUS CREATURE.

OK, BUT CROCOBEARIMOOSE?

THAT HAS TO BE THE STUPIDEST NAME

I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

IT'S NOT SCARY AT ALL.

[GROWLS]

HE'S STANDING RIGHT BEHIND ME, ISN'T HE?

[GROWLS]

[GROANING]

HI.

[ROARING]

YOU CROCKY! WHAT DID YOU LAST EAT?

YOUR BREATH REEKS, OK?

THERE, THAT'S BETTER.

[ROARS]

OH, WHERE'S MY HEAD?! WHAT'S GOING ON?!

WHERE AM I GOING?! WHERE AM I?!

[CRIES] UH! THAT HURT.

WHERE'S MY HEAD? OH, WHERE'S MY HEAD?

SOME PEOPLE SAY IF YOU LISTEN REALLY CLOSELY

LATE AT NIGHT, YOU CAN STILL FAINTLY HEAR THE SOUNDS

OF OLD CROCOBEARIMOOSE STILL CHOWING DOWN

ON THAT LITTLE BOY'S HEAD.

CROCOBEARIMOOSE! THERE'S NO SUCH THING!

RIGHT?

[GROWLS]

HE'S RIGHT BEHIND ME, ISN'T HE?

[ROARS]

[ALL SCREAMING]

AAH! OH!

AAH! AAH! AAH! OH! OH!

HEY, NO, NO!

DON'T SWING!

IT'S MURRAY IN A COSTUME!

IT'S MURRAY IN A COSTUME!

AAH! OW!

OH! AAH!

[GASPS]

[GROANS]

OH, MAN! MURRAY!

I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE CROCOBEARIMOOSE, I'M SO SORRY!

HONEST MISTAKE, FRED, SERIOUSLY.

THIS STUFF HAPPENS TO ME A LOT.

AGAIN, MURRAY, I'M REALLY SORRY

FOR BEATING YOU SENSELESS WITH A LOG.

OH, NOT A PROBLEM THERE, FRED.

I'M SURE I'LL START TO FEEL MY LEGS AGAIN REAL SOON.

OK.

OOH!

THERE'S SOMETHING REALLY FISHY

GOING ON AROUND THIS CAMP AND I DON'T LIKE IT ONE BIT!

DEAR MOM...I HATE IT HERE AT CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE.

I HATE IT, HATE IT, HATE IT, HATE IT, HATE IT, HATE IT!

HATE IT.

THESE LAST 2 WEEKS HAVE BEEN THE WORST OF MY LIFE.

EVERY DAY I'VE TRIED DESPERATELY TO ESCAPE THIS CURSED PLACE.

BUT I'VE MET WITH FAILURE AT EVERY TURN.

[SIREN]

MEANWHILE, THE OTHER CAMPERS CONTINUE TO ACT STRANGE AROUND ME.

I KEEP THEM WHISPER ABOUT SOME PLACE CALLED THE RAT HOLE.

AND EVERY DAY MORE AND MORE

KIDS ARE GETTING SICK FROM SOME MYSTERIOUS ILLNESS.

BRUSH TWICE A DAY, OK?

[ALL GROANING]

I'VE EVEN WITNESSED THE STAFF PUTTING WEIRD BLUE PILLS IN THE FOOD.

NOW ARE YOU SURE THE KIDS WON'T BE ABLE TO TASTE THIS?

OH, I'M POSITIVE.

THESE ARE COMPLETELY ODORLESS AND TASTELESS.

GOOD.

HERE, WHY DON'T YOU TRY IT OUT?

I STUMBLED ACROSS SOMETHING VERY DANGEROUS AND--OH!

DAMN IT! THAT HURTS!

A STUPID MOUSETRAP? LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME WRITE.

P.S. TO AVOID THIS FROM LANDING IN THE WRONG HANDS,

I'LL BE SENDING THIS LETTER VIA BIRD.

HERE, BIRD! COME ON!

AH! [GRUNTING]

OH!

P.P.S...

CATCHING A BIRD IS WAY HARDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.

SO I'M JUST GOING TO SEND IT VIA SLINGSHOT AND MOUSE INSTEAD.

[SQUEAKING]

I HOPE IT FINDS YOU WELL.

HEY, FRED.

YOU COMING TO THE MESS HALL FOR SOME GOOD OLD-FASHIONED GRUEL?

OH, NO, YOU GUYS GO AHEAD.

I'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU LATER.

COOLIO! ALL RIGHT, COME ON, GUYS.

YEAH, LIKE I'M GOING TO EAT THAT STUFF

AFTER I FOUND OUT WHAT THEY PUT IN IT.

IT'S TIME TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF WHATEVER SICK,

TWISTED PLOT IS GOING ON AROUND THIS CAMP.

TIME TO PUT ON... MY THINKING MOUSTACHE.

ALL RIGHT, MOUSTACHE, TIME TO GET TO THINKING!

OH, THIS IS HOPELESS!

I CAN'T THINK WHEN I'M HUNGRY!

WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE FOR SOME CHEESE FRIES RIGHT NOW!

MMM, CHEESE.

I LOVE ALL TYPES OF CHEESES--

CHEDDAR, MOZZARELLA, SWISS.

WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT DID FLOYD SAY ABOUT THAT

SICK KID IN THE INFIRMARY THE OTHER DAY?

THIS GUY SAYS IT FEELS LIKE HIS BRAIN

HAS TURNED INTO SWISS CHEESE.

YEAH.

THAT HIS BRAIN WAS TURNING INTO SWISS CHEESE.

AND WHAT EATS CHEESE?

RATS. AND WHERE DO RATS LIVE?

RAT HOLES.

BRAIN, SWISS CHEESE, RAT HOLES.

BRAIN, SWISS CHEESE, RAT HOLES.

WAIT A MINUTE. THAT'S IT!

[GASPS]

[SCREAMING]

[CRYING] THE PAIN!

ALL RIGHT NOW, STAY WITH ME

BECAUSE I'M ONLY GOING TO GO THROUGH THIS ONCE.

SO IT ALL STARTS WHEN FLOYD AND MURRAY

PUT THE STRANGE BLUE PILLS IN THE GRUEL.

THEY SERVE THE GRUEL TO THE UNSUSPECTING CAMPERS.

THE PILLS MAKE YOU SICKER AND SICKER

AS THEY SLOWLY TURN YOUR BRAIN INTO SWISS CHEESE.

MAGOO, CHATTER, SPOON, AND DIG,

WHO ARE OBVIOUSLY MOLES WORKING FOR THE CAMP,

TAKE THE BODY AWAY.

THEN THEY TAKE IT TO...

THE RAT HOLE.

THAT'S WHEN IT'S FEEDING TIME FOR FLOYD SPUNKMEYER,

BECAUSE, YOU SEE, OUR INNOCENT HEAD COUNSELOR

ISN'T SO INNOCENT AFTER ALL.

HE'S NOT EVEN HUMAN.

[GRUNTING]

HE'S A GIANT, MUTANT RAT CREATURE.

OH, DAMN IT!

I'M IN WAY OVER MY HEAD HERE.

HOPEFULLY, MY MOM HAS READ MY LETTER BY NOW

AND CALLED THE COPS!

OOH.

ME GUSTA LA PLAYA, SENOR.

SI.

HA HA HA.

[BOTH SLURPING]

[SQUEAKING]

[CRYING] OH, I AM GOING TO STARVE TO DEATH!

I NEED FOOD.

I HAVEN'T EATEN ANYTHING IN LIKE...

TWO HOURS?!

MAYBE THE WOODS WILL PROVIDE ME WITH PROPER NOURISHMENT.

OHH!

MMM! NO!

[SPITS]

GROSS!

[SPITS] BETTER, BUT IT STILL IS NOT VERY GOOD!

HELLO! WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE?

THESE BERRIES LOOK DELICIOUS.

[CHUCKLES]

OH, WAIT. WHAT IF THEY'RE THE POISONOUS KIND?

I'LL JUST EAT A BUNCH OF THESE BERRIES

AND IF I DON'T END UP GETTING REALLY SICK,

THEN I'LL KNOW THEY'RE SAFE TO EAT, RIGHT?

YOU ARE SO SMART!

[GROANING]

I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD.

[GROANING]

WHOA! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?

[CHUCKLES] WHOA.

HEY THERE, FRED.

CROCOBEARIMOOSE?

IS THAT REALLY YOU OR ARE THE BERRIES MAKING ME HALLUCINATE?

OF COURSE IT'S REALLY ME.

I HEARD YOU WEREN'T FEELING VERY GOOD,

SO I CAME TO CHEER YOU UP.

YOU DID?

YEAH.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I DO WHEN I'M NOT FEELING VERY GOOD?

WHAT'S THAT?

I RAP.

DO YOU WANT TO RAP WITH ME?

SURE!

[MUSIC BEGINS]

* MY NAME IS FRED

* I'M SICK IN THE HEAD

* MESS WITH ME AND YOU'RE GONNA SEE RED *

* F TO THE R TO THE E TO THE D *

* WHEN YOU MEET ME, I THINK YOU'RE GONNA PEE *

* YOUR PANTS, THAT'S IT

* I'M LEGIT

* YEAH, SEE, I'M FRED

* PICK A HORN, DAMN IT

* YEAH, WE RULE

* YEAH, WE COOL

* OPEN UP YOUR MOUTH AND I'LL FEED YOU GRUEL *

* I ABUSE

* WE'RE GONNA MAKE A TRUCE *

* DOWN POUR SOME BERRIES AND YOU DRINK BUG JUICE *

* WE TUCK NOT LOOSE

* I'M GONNA COOK YOUR GOOSE *

* STICK WITH ME

* I'M THE CROCOBEARIMOOSE *

* PEACE

* YO, YO, YO

I'M NOT FEELING TOO GOOD.

* BEARIMOOSE, CROCO-CROCO-CROCO *

I THINK I'M GONNA...

[GRUNTING, COUGHING]

[ALL GROANING]

[COUGHING]

RED BERRIES.

[GROANS]

HE'S FINE.

HE JUST ATE NONO BERRIES, WHICH ARE BAD.

OK?

OKSANA, YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING LATER,

MAYBE YOU COULD POSSIBLY LIKE MAYBE...

LICK A POSSUM BABY?

NO, NOT LICK A POSSUM BABY.

GO ON A DATE WITH ME?

NO GOAT MEAT, ONLY TOOTHPASTE.

OK?

GUYS. I DON'T REALLY THINK FRED

HAS BEEN ADAPTING TO CAMP LIFE VERY WELL.

[GROANS]

TONIGHT AFTER EVERYONE GOES TO SLEEP,

LET'S SHOW FRED WHAT CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE IS ALL ABOUT.

LET'S TAKE FRED TO THE RAT HOLE.

[MOANS]

NO, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME.

I'M TOO YOUNG AND-- [CRYING]

[CRYING]

WHERE ARE YOU GUYS TAKING ME?

THIS ISN'T RIGHT.

[CRYING]

[MOANING]

I'M NOT GOING IN THERE!.

NO, NO, NO.

[MOANING]

PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU!

DON'T TURN MY BRAIN INTO SWISS CHEESE

AND FEED ME TO FLOYD THE RAT CREATURE!

FLOYD THE RAT CREATURE?

FRED, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

DIG, HIT THE LIGHTS.

WHAT IN THE WOODS?

WELCOME TO THE RAT HOLE, FRED.

WE BUILT THIS OVER A PERIOD OF THREE YEARS.

I DID ALL THE WIRING AND ELECTRICAL STUFF.

I'M GOOD WITH THAT KIND OF THING.

I DUG THE HOLE.

WELL, CHATTER AND I SCROUNGED UP ALL THE WOOD

FROM AN OLD BROKEN DOWN DOCK

THE CAMP WASN'T USING ANYMORE.

THIS IS INCREDIBLE.

SO WHAT'S THIS DO?

OH! UH-UH.

OW!

[GROANS]

THAT HAD TO HURT.

[GROANING]

SODA SHOOTER.

NOW YOU TELL ME.

YOU GOT TO BE FAST.

THANKS.

YOU WANT ANYTHING TO EAT?

CHIPS, SANDWICHES, CHEESE FRIES?

I THOUGHT--I THOUGHT YOU SAID THAT YOU GUYS

HAD CHEESE FRIES HERE, BUT THERE'S NO WAY.

I--I DID.

FRED...

FRED, ARE YOU OK? FRED?

CHEESE FRIES?

FRED?

AHH...

FRED?

HEAVEN.

ABSOLUTE HEAVEN.

SO WHERE'D YOU GUYS GET ALL THIS FOOD ANYWAY?

WELL, EVERY WEEK WE GIVE SCARY GARY MONEY,

A LIST OF SUPPLIES, AND HE GOES INTO TOWN AND GETS IT FOR US.

THEN AT NIGHT WE JUST SMUGGLE IT DOWN HERE.

IN LARGE GREEN DUFFEL BAGS?

YEAH.

THANKS, SCARY GARY.

OK, WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BLUE PILLS

I SAW FLOYD AND MURRAY PLANT INTO THE GRUEL?

UH, THEY'RE MULTI-VITAMINS?

GRUEL ON ITS OWN HAS LIKE NO NUTRITIONAL VALUE WHATSOEVER.

ALL RIGHT.

BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THE KIDS GETTING SICK AROUND CAMP?

HAVE YOU SEEN OKSANA?

I GUESS THE SICK BOY TO SICK GIRL RATIO

DID LEAN HEAVILY TOWARDS THE BOYS' SIDE.

WOW, WELL, I GUESS THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.

WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS HAPPENING?

NOTHING AT ALL.

HEY, GUYS!

OUR NEW SHIPMENT'S HERE.

IS YOU KNOW WHAT INSIDE?

OH, YEAH.

THERE IT IS.

AHH.

THAT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING

I'VE SEEN IN MY WHOLE LIFE.

I THINK I'M GOING TO CRY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY IN THE SAME ROOM AS...

All: EL DIABLO.

WE ARE SO GOING TO FIRE THIS OFF TOMORROW MORNING.

[HARMONICA PLAYING]

GOOD MORNING, CAMPERS.

WE'VE STILL GO A LOT OF SPACES AVAILABLE

ON THE SIGN-UP SHEET FOR THE SUMMER CAMP GAMES IN ONLY 2 WEEKS.

IN FACT, THE ONLY PERSON THAT'S SIGNED UP SO FAR

IS THE AMAZING HUGH THOMPSON.

SO, PLEASE COME ON DOWN

OVER LUNCH AND SIGN UP AT THE MESS HALL.

DON'T YOU WANT TO BE A PART OF SUMMER CAMP HISTORY, EVERYBODY?

THANK YOU.

BY THE WAY, THAT HEMORRHOID BREAKOUT I WAS WORRIED ABOUT?

I'VE CONTAINED IT TO MY CABIN.

A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK CREVICES ARE HOLES,

BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE AT ALL.

SQUIRRELS DIG HOLES, SNAKES DIG HOLES,

ANT-HUNTING BADGERS DIG HOLES.

HEH. THIS IS IT.

WHEW.

FRED, WOULD YOU DO THE HONORS?

SURE THING!

UH...RUN!

THAT CAN'T BE GOOD.

[POP]

MAYBE IT'S A DUD.

[NEIGHS]

[WHISTLING]

[FLIES BUZZING]

SERIOUSLY!

OH, THAT WAS AWESOME!

[ALL CHEERING]

THAT WAS SO COOL!

[LAUGHTER]

THEN A JOCKEY, BEEN SHOT OUT OF A CANNON?

LET ME SEE YOUR--GUYS, SIGN UP, COME ON,

WELL, GET IN LINE HERE, BUDDY.

HEY, GUYS, I WAS THINKING.

MAYBE WE SHOULD ALL SIGN UP FOR THE SUMMER CAMP GAMES.

IT COULD BE--IT COULD BE KIND OF COOL.

YEAH, BECAUSE LOSING IS SO COOL.

WHO SAYS WE'RE GOING TO LOSE?

I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE 69 YEARS OF CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE HISTORY?

WELL, FLOYD SEEMS PRETTY CONFIDENT IN HUGH.

THE GUY REALLY DOES IT ALL.

STUNNING.

NICE.

THIS PLACE IS A DUMP.

LET'S FACE IT, HUGH OR NO HUGH, WE HAVE NO CHANCE.

CAMP SUPERIOR IS JUST...

WHAT'S A WORD THAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF INFERIOR?

OH, GOT IT--CAMP SUPERIOR IS JUST BETTERER.

NOW WHAT DOES CAMP SUPERIOR HAVE THAT WE DON'T HAVE HERE?

I DON'T KNOW.

JET SKIS, WATER SLIDES, WAFFLE BARS,

CLEAN SMELLING AIR, HORSES WITH FOUR LEGS,

AND POSSIBLY MONKEY BUTLERS.

WHO CARES ABOUT THAT STUFF ANYWAY?

I DO.

OK, JUST TELL ME ONE THING--

ONE THING THAT CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE HAS THAT CAMP SUPERIOR DOESN'T.

ONE THING? I COULD THINK OF FOUR.

YEAH, OK, I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR THESE.

SPOON, DIG, CHATTER, AND ME.

COME ON. THERE WE GO.

LOOKS LIKE WE GOT A TEAM.

YEAH, YEAH. BOOM!

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

MAGOO WANTS TO COMPETE IN THE SUMMER CAMP GAMES.

THERE'S NO WAY WE CAN WIN!

Boy: OF COURSE THERE ISN'T.

IT ISN'T... IT COULDN'T BE.

BECAUSE THERE'S NO POSSIBLE WAY

THAT VOICE COULD BELONG TO...

KEVIN?!

OOH. GUTEN TAG, FIGGLESTINK.

HA HA HA! WHAT UP, DORK NOZZLE?

YOU KNOW, I'D SAY I'D BE SURPRISED TO SEE YOU HERE,

BUT THAT WOULDN'T BE TRUE.

SPAZ KID FOR A SPAZ CAMP.

[LAUGHTER]

WOW!

SNAP! YOU JUST GOT KEVIN-ED, DOG!

WHAT! WHAT! WHOA!

OH, NO! GO AROUND, DUDE.

GRAB THE ELBOW.

BUT THEN WHEN DO WE DO THE SNAP?

NO, DUDE, THERE'S NO SNAP!

THERE'S A SNAP. THERE'S NO SNAP!

DON'T YELL AT ME.

WHATEVER. WE'LL GO OVER IT BACK AT CAMP SUPERIOR.

YOU GUYS GO TO CAMP SUPERIOR?

UM, OBVI! IT'S ON ALL OF OUR MATCHING UNIFORMS.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, WE'D GO HERE?

THIS PLACE STINKS. [SNIFFS]

THIS PLACE DOES NOT STINK!

YOU STINK, KEVIN.

IT LITERALLY STINKS HERE. I MEAN, SERIOUSLY.

IT SMELLS LIKE MOLDY CHEESE STUFFED INTO A ROTTEN SKUNK CARCASS.

OH, WELL...

YOU KNOW, THAT COULD BE A NUMBER

OF THINGS DEPENDING ON THE TIME OF DAY.

RIGHT NOW IT SMELLS LIKE IT'S PROBABLY

A MIXTURE BETWEEN THE OUTHOUSE

AND SCARY GARY'S SOCKS.

I CALL THEM FOOT MITTENS.

SO WHY ARE YOU HERE, KEVIN?

YOU KNOW, ME AND THE GANG FIGURED

WE'D GO ON A LITTLE FIELD TRIP.

SCOUT THE COMPETISH FOR THIS YEAR'S SUMMER CAMP GAMES.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY BECAUSE I,

FOR ONE, WILL NOT BE PARTICIPATING IN YOUR STUPID GAMES.

SAVE YOURSELF THE EMBARRASSMENT.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU HAVE NO CHANCE, FIGGLEHORN.

WE'RE STRONGER. WE'RE FASTER.

BETTER DANCE MOVES.

POW! [POPPING]

THAT WAS NICE.

OK, KEVIN.

YOU GUYS MAY BE STRONGER THAN US AND FASTER,

BUT THERE IS NO WAY THAT YOU ARE BETTER DANCERS THAN US.

MM-MMM! AH!

WHOO!

PUH-SHOO!

OHH! OHH!

OH, YEAH!

[BOTH GRUNTING AND GROANING]

WARMING IT UP NOW!

* BAH BAH BAH BAH

[INDISTINCT]

IT'S COMPETITION NOW! COMPETITION!

ENOUGH!

I WON.

NO, YOU-- THIS IS RIDICULOUS!

LET'S GO, GUYS.

SEE YOU AT THE SUMMER CAMP GAMES.

SO LONG.

THAT'S IT.

I DON'T CARE WHAT IT TAKES, I WILL BEAT CAMP SUPERIOR.

NOT FOR ME, BUT FOR MAGOO, SPOON, DIG, AND CHATTER,

WHO WANT TO PROVE TO THIS WORLD THAT THEY, TOO, CAN BE WINNERS.

NOT FOR ME BUT FOR FLOYD,

WHOSE ONLY DREAM IN THIS LIFE IS TO WIN THAT TROPHY.

NOT FOR ME, BUT FOR ANYONE IN THIS WORLD

WHO'S EVER BEEN BULLIED OR PICKED ON.

BUT, MOSTLY... I'LL DO IT FOR ME.

BECAUSE, MAN, DO I HATE KEVIN.

HERE WE GO.

[HORN BLASTING]

[ROOSTER CROWING]

THEY DON'T LOOK SO TOUGH.

YEAH, THEY DO.

I KNOW. I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE POSITIVE.

WE'RE DEAD.

I KNOW. TOTALLY DEAD.

I SEE YOUR CAMP IS AS CHARMING AS EVER, FLOYD.

SWEET MOTHER OF MERCY,

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?

OH, OH, IT'S A BEE STING.

IT LOOKS A LOT WORSE THAN IT IS.

I'M FINE.

MY TRACHEA WILL BE OPEN AGAIN SOON.

[WHEEZES]

I...I HOPE.

OH.

YOU'RE GOING DOWN, FIGGLEHORN.

[SNAP]

I CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH YOU WATCH ME WIN THAT TROPHY.

WELL, KEVIN, I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU,

BUT IT'S NOT GOING TO BE ME WHO WATCHES YOU WIN THAT TROPHY.

IT'LL BE YOU WHO WATCHES ME WATCH YOU...

WATCH ME WIN THAT TROPHY.

YEAH.

[LAUGHTER]

I DON'T--I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT?

[BUGLE PLAYING POORLY]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

WELCOME TO THE 70th ANNUAL SUMMER CAMP GAMES

BETWEEN CAMP SUPERIOR...

[LOUD CHEERING AND BOOING]

AND CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE.

[LOUD CHEERING AND BOOING]

NOW, GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL.

IS THERE ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO SAY HERE NOW, FLOYD?

OF COURSE.

UM...AHEM.

[FEEDBACK]

I GOT NOTHING. I GOT NOTHING!

COME ON!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

WELL, CAMPERS, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO,

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

NEXT UP ON JAVELIN,

FOR CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE, HUGH THOMPSON.

I GOT THIS.

SO, HUGH, I THINK IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING

WE'D BE DEAD MEAT WITHOUT YOU.

THANKS, FRED.

HEY, GRAB ME A JAVELIN, WILL YOU?

SURE THING, BRO.

THIS WOULDN'T USUALLY BE THE MOMENT

WHERE I ACCIDENTALLY DO SOMETHING THAT SCREWS EVERYTHING UP.

SO GLAD IT DIDN'T HAPPEN THOUGH.

SO, SO, SO, SO GLAD,

SO GLAD.

ALL RIGHT. HERE YOU GO, HUGH.

OH!

THERE IT IS.

FRED.

WHAT HAPPENED TO HUGH, FRED?

I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN, HE MUST HAVE FAINTED.

YEAH, HE FAINTED.

I GUESS HE JUST COULDN'T HANDLE THE PRESSURE.

NO, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO.

THIS CAN'T BE.

WAKE UP. WAKE UP. WAKE UP, BUDDY.

YOU'RE THE ONE. YOU MUST LEAD US TO VICTORY.

YOU GUYS, IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

I MEAN, WE DON'T NEED HUGH.

WE NEVER NEEDED HUGH.

THE ABILITY TO BEAT CAMP SUPERIOR WAS WITH US

ALL ALONG, RIGHT HERE IN OUR HEARTS.

WATCH THIS.

SERIOUSLY?

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

10 POINTS, CAMP SUPERIOR.

HEH. SORRY.

OK, GUYS, MAYBE WE DO NEED HUGH

A LITTLE BIT, BUT WE'LL BE FINE.

YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE WE'RE THE UNDERDOGS.

AND IF SPORTS MOVIES HAVE TAUGHT US ANYTHING,

IT'S THAT THE UNDERDOGS ALWAYS WIN.

ALWAYS.

BOOM!

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

10 POINTS, CAMP SUPERIOR.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

10 POINTS, CAMP SUPERIOR!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

SERIOUSLY?

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

10 POINTS, CAMP SUPERIOR.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[ALL YELLING]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

10 POINTS, CAMP SUPERIOR.

[WHISTLE BLOWING]

AND SO AFTER THE FIRST DAY OF COMPETITION,

THE SCORE IS CAMP SUPERIOR, 70...

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

AND CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE...

WELL, MAN, THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT.

YOU GOT A ZERO, ANOTHER ZERO,

A THIRD ZERO, I'LL CARRY THE ZERO.

[LAUGHTER]

YEP, CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE HAS ZERO.

YEAH! YES, YES, YES!

WHAT? WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR A THING.

SERIOUSLY, I CAN'T-- I COULDN'T HEAR AT ALL.

SORRY.

TOMORROW'S ANOTHER DAY!

GET SOME REST!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

YO, FIGGLEHORN!

WHAT'S UP, MAN?

I JUST WANT TO SAY I REALLY THINK YOU GUYS

ALL DID A FANTASTIC JOB OUT THERE TODAY.

DO YOU REALLY MEAN IT?

NO. PUH-OH!

YOU JUST GOT KEVIN-ED AGAIN, DAWG!

WHAT? WHAT? OOH! UH!

NO, NO, NO, NO.

THE POUND, THEN EXPLOSION.

OH, AND THEN YOU DO THE SNAP AFTER THAT?

NO, THERE'S NO SNAP!

THERE'S NEVER BEEN A SNAP!

I'M...WE SHOULD HAVE PRACTICED IT FIRST.

DON'T WORRY, GUYS. WE'LL GET THEM TOMORROW!

GUYS?

[SIGHS]

PERFECT.

SO YOU GUYS WANT TO HIT UP THE RAT HOLE TONIGHT,

PLAY SOME VIDEO GAMES OR SOMETHING?

EAT SOME CHEESE FRIES?

I DON'T THINK SO, FRED.

NOT REALLY IN THE MOOD.

YEAH, I CAN BARELY EVEN EAT...

JUST BARELY.

[BURPS, FARTS]

[LAUGHS]

COME ON, YOU GUYS AREN'T EVEN GOING TO LAUGH AT A BURP?

IT'S THE SECOND FUNNIEST SOUND THE HUMAN BODY CAN MAKE.

SORRY, FRED, WE'RE JUST BUMMED.

WE'RE GOING TO LOSE THE TROPHY AGAIN.

YOU WERE RIGHT BEFORE.

WE SHOULDN'T HAVE EVEN TRIED.

WE'RE THE WORST.

NO, WE'RE NOT THE WORST.

WE'RE THE BEST AT BEING THE WORST.

HUH? SURE!

MAYBE OUR CAMP ISN'T THE PRETTIEST CAMP

OR THE SAFEST OR THE NICEST SMELLING,

BUT I SAY WE'RE THE BEST AT BEING NOT PRETTY.

WE'RE NUMBER ONE AT BEING UNSAFE.

IN THE GAME OF SMELLING BAD, WE EARN THE MOST POINTS.

CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE IS THE BEST AT BEING THE WORST.

WE ALL ARE.

WAIT. SO YOU'RE SAYING I'M NOT A BAD COOK?

I'M THE BEST AT COOKING FOOD BADLY.

YEAH, YOU ARE, MURRAY.

SO I'M NOT BAD AT PERSONAL HYGIENE?

I'M THE BEST AT NOT BRUSHING MY TEETH.

YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT, LAWRENCE.

SO I'M NOT BAD AT BEING NORMAL.

I'M THE BEST AT COVERING MYSELF

IN BABY OIL AND WRESTLING WILD RACCOONS.

SURE, WHY NOT?

SOME PEOPLE MIGHT CALL US LOSERS,

BUT I SAY WE'RE WINNERS AT BEING LOSERS.

WE'RE THE BEST AT BEING THE WORST.

SAY IT WITH ME!

WE'RE THE BEST AT BEING THE WORST.

WE'RE THE BEST AT BEING THE WORST.

All: WE'RE THE BEST AT BEING THE WORST.

WE'RE THE BEST AT BEING THE WORST.

WE'RE AT THE BEST AT BEING THE WORST.

WE'RE THE BEST AT BEING THE WORST.

WE'RE THE BEST AT BEING THE WORST.

WE'RE THE BEST AT BEING THE WORST.

[BURP]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[BURP]

ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO JUST HAVE CHATTER DO THIS?

HE IS OUR BEST BELCHER.

CHATTER'S GOOD, BUT HE'S NOT THAT GOOD.

BESIDES, WE HAVE SCIENCE ON OUR SIDE.

THIS CONCOCTION WILL GIVE MY DIGESTIVE SYSTEM

JUST THE RIGHT MIXTURE OF NITROGEN AND OXYGEN

TO EXPEL THE HIGHEST QUALITY AIR EXHATION.

WHAT?

I'LL BURP GOOD.

OH, COOL.

WOW, IT'S NICE TO SEE SCIENCE PROVIDE

HUMANITY WITH SOMETHING USEFUL FOR ONCE, RIGHT?

[GULP, SIGHS]

YEAH, RIGHT, FRED.

[GURGLING]

[LONG BURP]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

10 POINTS, CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE.

IWANNAPEEPEE! YES!

WIG!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

YOU WERE BORN FOR THIS, COME ON.

SHE'S A LITTLE GIRL.

YOU'RE A GIANT MAN CHILD AND YOU LOVE PIE!

YOU LOVE IT!

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

10 POINTS, CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

DIG YOUR HOLE.

DIG YOUR HOLE.

DIG YOUR HOLE.

DIG YOUR HOLE.

DIG YOUR HOLE.

DIG YOUR HOLE.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

10 POINTS, CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

I'M DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[GRUNTING]

YOU CAN DO IT, CHATTER.

I KNOW YOU CAN.

IS THAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND?

SHE LOOKS LIKE A MAN.

[CHUCKLES] [GROWLING]

[ALL GASP]

[CRASH]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

10 POINTS, CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE.

WHOO!

YEAH!

BEAT THAT, FIGGLEHORN.

HA HA!

OH, I CAN'T DO THIS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

ARCHERY IS ALL ABOUT FOCUS, OK?

OK.

JUST IMAGINE THE MOST PEACEFUL, MOST SERENE

PLACE YOU CAN, AND LET GRAVITY DO THE REST, OK?

PEACEFUL, SERENE PLACE.

PEACEFUL, SERENE PLACE.

PEACEFUL, SERENE PLACE.

PEACEFUL, SERENE PLACE.

YOUR CHEESE FRIES ARE READY, SIR.

THANK YOU, MONKEY BUTLER.

SHALL I DANCE AROUND AND ACT LIKE A MONKEY WHILE YOU EAT?

YOU SHALL.

VERY WELL! [SCREECHING]

HE'S FEISTY.

[SCREECHING]

PEACEFUL, SERENE PLACE.

AAH!

[ALL GASP]

OH, I MEANT TO DO THAT.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

10 POINTS FOR CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

HOLY CAMP THE-BONE.

IT'S FRED.

YES!

HE'S THE ONE.

THE ONE WHAT?

THE ONE MY GRANDFATHER PROPHESIED ABOUT.

THE ONE THAT WOULD LEAD THIS CAMP TO VICTORY.

I'M CERTAIN OF IT.

OR MAYBE NOT, I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.

HOW'S MY FACE LOOK?

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

SO THAT LEAVES ONE FINAL EVENT--

THE TALENT SHOW.

THIS YEAR WILL BE A SONGWRITING COMPETITION.

EACH CAMP WILL HAVE 24 HOURS TO WRITE A SONG

THAT BEST EXEMPLIFIES WHAT IS SO SPECIAL ABOUT THEIR CAMP.

THE WINNING CAMP WILL BE AWARDED 30 POINTS.

SO IT'S ANYBODY'S GAME.

MMM!

SONGWRITING COMPETITION?

DO ANY OF YOU GUYS EVEN KNOW HOW TO SING?

UM, HELLO!

YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE SINGLE GREATEST SINGER

THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN.

REALLY?

SO, FIGGLEHORN... SONGWRITING COMPETITION.

WELL, I KNOW HOW GOOD OF A SINGER YOU ARE, FRED.

YOU GUYS HAVE PRACTICALLY WON THIS THING ALREADY.

UM, DID I JUST GET KEVIN-ED AGAIN, OR...

NO, BRO.

I MEAN, LIKE YOUR SINGING SKILL

IS LIKE--AH, I CAN'T SAY THE WORDS, YOU KNOW.

IT'S LIKE THAT GOOD.

YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT MY FAULT I GOTS THE GIFT.

MY PIPES BE A-SLAMMING.

YEAH, THEY BE SLAMMING.

WELL, SEE YOU TOMORROW.

LET'S GO.

WE ARE SO TOAST!

NO, WE'RE NOT.

DUDE, YOU JUST SAID FRED'S PIPES BE SLAMMING.

HE'S A GOOD SINGER. ARE YOU SERIOUS?

HE'S THE WORST SINGER ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH.

OK? I JUST SAID THAT STUFF TO GET IN HIS BRAIN.

YOU KNOW HOW DELUSIONAL FRED IS.

HE'S GOING TO SCREW THIS UP FOR SURE.

AND IF HE DOESN'T, WELL, WE'LL HAVE TO GO TO PLAN "B."

MAN, YOU ARE ONE MANIPULATIVE LITTLE KID.

DIESEL, THAT'S THE SINGLE MOST NICEST THING

ANYONE'S EVER SAID TO ME.

NOW COME ON, WE'VE GOT A SONG TO WRITE.

[RAP MUSIC BEGINS]

[ROOSTER CROWS]

* YO, YO!

* I LOVE TO RAP

* RAPPITY RAP

* OH, RAP, OH, RAP

* CATCH YOU IN A TRAP

* GIVE YOU A BIG SLAP

* I'VE GOT A MAT OR CAT OR SNAP *

* PAT, PAT, PAT

* THERE'S NO DOG IN MY LAP *

* WHO IS THAT?

* YOU DON'T KNOW HA!

KICK IT, DIESEL.

[ROOSTER CROWS]

TAKE THE MIC, SON.

* YO!

* CAMP SUPERIOR

* UH-HUH

HO HO HO! RIP IT! * YO!

RIP IT!

UH, TAKE IT, KEVIN.

WHAT?!

* HIP HOP DON'T STOP

* TAP IT LIKE IT'S HOT

* OR DON'T, OR DON'T

* I DON'T CARE

* WE THE BEST AT EVERYTHING *

* YOU DON'T DARE

* STEP TO US

* I TAKE THE BUS

* TO SCHOOL SOMETIMES 'CAUSE MY MOM CAN'T TAKE ME *

* YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE SHE WORKS SOME MORNINGS *

* BUT I'LL MAKE IT WORK

* 'CAUSE I'M FLEXIBLE

* BOY, OW OW.

OW!

* CAMP SUPERIOR FOR LIFE, SON! *

* DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO- DOOOOO! *

OH, I'M SORRY. I JUST DROPPED THE MIC.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GIVE IT UP FOR CAMP SUPERIOR!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

THAT WAS UP THE HIZZY!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT IS WITH GREAT PLEASURE

THAT I INTRODUCE TO YOU,

OUR CELEBRITY GUEST JUDGE,

MR. SIMON COWELL!

OOH HOO HOO!

HE LOOKS DIFFERENT IN PERSON.

MR. COWELL, WHAT SCORE DO YOU GIVE CAMP SUPERIOR?

7.

TERRIFIC. TERRIFIC!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

SHOULD'VE BEEN A 9, DAWG. SHOULD'VE BEEN A 9.

AND NOW WE HAVE CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE,

WHO WILL BE DOING A NUMBER ENTITLED... "THE LOSER SONG."

[LAUGHTER]

HOW APPROPRIATE.

[LAUGHS]

OH, OH, OH. HEY, FIGGLE.

LOOK, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, WIN OR LOSE,

I JUST WANT TO SAY,

YOU GUYS HAVE DONE A GREAT JOB.

THANKS, KEVIN.

YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY,

I THOUGHT FOR SURE YOU'D HAVE SOME SORT OF EVIL PLAN

UP YOUR SLEEVE TO RUIN MY WHOLE ENTIRE SONG.

[LAUGHS] OH, NO.

EVIL PLAN? THAT'S ABSURD.

I KNOW. IT WAS STUPID OF ME.

HA HA! HEY.

GO DO A GREAT JOB, MAN.

OK. YOU'RE GONNA BE GREAT.

[LAUGHS]

IS MY EVIL PLAN READY TO GO?

YEAH, PLAN "B" IS IN FULL EFFECT.

LET'S JUST SAY THAT OUR LITTLE HOMEMADE GRUEL BLASTER

IS HOOKED UP AND READY TO GO.

OOH!

ONE FLICK OF THE SWITCH AND WHOEVER IS ON THE OTHER END

OF THAT BABY IS GOING TO GET SOAKED WITH GRUEL.

GRUEL-TASTIC. MM-HMM!

NO SNAP.

YOU CAN DO THIS, FRED.

[FEEDBACK]

* WELL, OUR LAKE IS GREEN

* OUR BUNKS UNCLEAN

* SAFETY HERE IS UNATTAINABLE

* OUR HORSE'S GREAT...

HE'S PRACTICALLY HANDING US THE TROPHY ALREADY.

* AND OUR SMELLS ARE UNEXPLAINABLE *

* WE'RE UNSAFE, UNSOUND

* UNCRUEL, UNKEMPT

* UN-EVERYTHING THAT YOU ARE

* YOU TRULY LIVE UP TO THE NAME OF THE CAMP *

* YOU'RE THE SUPERIOR CAMP BY FAR *

BUT SERIOUSLY, YOU GUYS ARE JERKS!

IT'S TIME FOR THE LOSERS TO HAVE THE SPOTLIGHT FOR ONCE!

HIT IT, LAWRENCE!

[ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING]

WHERE'D THEY GET THE BUBBLES?

* THIS IS FOR THE LOSERS SINGING ALL NIGHT LONG *

* WE'RE THE LOSERS

* THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING LOSERS *

* THIS IS WHERE WE BELONG

* WE'RE LOSERS

* LOOK AT US, THIS IS FOR THE LOSERS... *

DUDE! WHAT? IT'S CATCHY.

* WE'RE THE LOSERS

* THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING LOSERS *

* THIS IS WHERE WE BELONG

* WE'RE LOSERS

* LOOK AT US

* THIS IS FOR THE LOSERS

YEAH, WE'LL GET BACK LAUGHS!

* ALL NIGHT LONG

* AND YOU'LL GET FIRST

* NOTHING WRONG WITH LOSERS *

* AND WE'LL BE BACK

* WE BELONG, THE LOSERS

* AT BEING WORST

PLAN "B"! GO!

OK!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT IS MY SINCERE PLEASURE

TO INTRODUCE TO YOU THE VOCAL STYLINGS

OF OUR VERY OWN MC SPOON!

* I DON'T NEED A VICTORY TO TELL ME WHICH CAMP IS BEST TO SEE *

* AND YOU MIGHT THINK IT CONTRADICTORY *

* IT DON'T TAKE A DEGREE TO SEE HOW MUCH THIS PLACE *

* IS RIGHT FOR ME AND YOU CAN DISAGREE *

* BUT I WILL GUARANTEE FROM OCEAN TO THE SEA *

* FROM THE BOTTOM OF THIS HOLE *

* TO THE TOP OF THE TALLEST REDWOOD TREE *

* HEAR MY PLEA

* MY THOUGHTS, MY DECREE *

* PUT IT UP IN BIG BLOCK LETTERS *

* HANG IT UP ON THE MARQUEE

* THERE'S NO PLACE I'D RATHER BE *

* THAN HERE AT CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE *

* THIS IS FOR THE LOSERS

* SINGING ALL NIGHT WHILE WE'RE THE LOSERS *

* THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING LOSERS *

* THIS IS WHERE WE BELONG, THE LOSERS *

* LOOK AT US

* THIS IS FOR THE LOSERS...

MOVE, DIESEL! WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

BLOW THE GRUEL!

BLAST THE GRUEL!

SOMETHING'S WRONG. IT'S NOT WORKING.

YOU ALWAYS SCREW EVERYTHING UP!.

I'M TRYING!

* THIS IS FOR THE LOSERS

* ALL NIGHT LONG, WE'RE LOSERS *

* NOTHING WRONG WITH LOSERS

* WE BELONG, THE LOSERS

* OH, YEAH

* CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE

* IS THE GREATEST SUMMER CAMP *

* IN THE WOOOOOORLD!

AHEM. MR. COWELL?

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

SERIOUSLY?!

YEAH!

NO!

OH!

NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

FRED NEVER WINS!

I WIN!

ON!

ON!

I DESERVE THAT TROPHY!

I DO!

[SCREAMING]

NICE UNDIES, KEVIN!

[LAUGHTER]

[SCREAMING]

WELL, THAT DIDN'T GO AS PLANNED.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

OH, WHAT THE HECK!

CAMP WANNAPEEPEE!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[HARMONICE PLAYING]

WELL, CAMPERS...

IT'S A SAD DAY HERE AT CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE

BECAUSE IT'S THE LAST DAY OF SUMMER CAMP.

AND WHAT A SUMMER IT'S BEEN.

YOU KNOW, WE GOT TOGETHER HERE SIX WEEKS AGO.

WE DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT EACH OTHER.

BUT WE ARE LEAVING HERE AS A FAMILY,

WHICH IS WHY WE'LL ALWAYS BE BETTER THAN THE KIDS AT CAMP SUPERIOR.

[ALARM CHIRPING]

THAT AND THE FACT THAT WE WON THE SUMMER GAMES!

I MEAN, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHETHER YOU WIN OR LOSE.

WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?

IT DOES MATTER! IT FEELS GREAT TO WIN!

WE BEAT CAMP SUPERIOR!

IN YOUR FACE, CAMP SUPERIOR!

IN YOUR FACE!

NOW, KIDS, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART

I'D LIKE TO SAY ONE LAST TIME...

IWANNAPEEPEE ON YOU...

IWANNAPEEPEE ON YOU.

IWANNAPEEPEE ON ALL OF YOU.

I PROMISED MYSELF I WOULDN'T CRY, BUT I'M ONLY HUMAN.

I'M GOING TO MISS YOU SWEET CHILDREN...

UNTIL NEXT SUMMER.

YES!

[CHUCKLES]

MAN, I'M REALLY GOING TO MISS YOU GUYS.

I JUST WISH THERE WAS A WAY FOR ALL OF US TO STAY CONNECTED.

I MEAN, BESIDES THE PHONE, TEXTS,

SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES, INSTANT MESSAGING,

AND VIDEO CHATTING, THERE'S REALLY NO WAY

TO KEEP IN TOUCH THESE DAYS.

YEAH.

OH, COME ON, YOU BIG LUG.

YOU GUYS, GROUP HUG.

All: OH! OHH!

BYE, GUYS.

SEE YOU, GUYS.

[CHATTER]

[GRUNTING]

[INDISTINCT]

WOW, MOM, YOU LOOK LIKE SHOE LEATHER.

THANK YOU, FREDDIE.

FREDDIE, I WANT YOU TO MEET MY NEW GENTLEMAN CALLER, RANDALL.

HELLO.

WHAT'S UP?

YOU MAY NEVER HAVE TO PAY FOR PIZZA EVER AGAIN.

FREDDIE, DID YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME AT SUMMER CAMP?

WELL, LET'S SEE, I GOT POISON IVY ON MY FACE.

I ATE BAD BERRIES AND PUKED MY GUTS OUT.

THE BATHROOM WAS A DISGUSTING HOLE IN THE GROUND.

THE FOOD WAS TERRIBLE.

NONE OF THE COUNSELORS KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING.

IT WAS SIX WEEKS OF LIVING IN THE SMELLIEST, GROSSEST,

MOST UNSAFE SUMMER CAMP THAT HAS EVER EXISTED.

SO, YEAH, BEST SUMMER EVER.

[ENGINE STARTS]

SO, FREDDIE, WHAT ELSE DID YOU DO?

WELL, I HAVEN'T DONE NUMBER 2 SINCE I LAST SAW YOU.

OH, THAT RUNS IN THE FAMILY, HONEY.

AND I ACCIDENTALLY BEAT UP ONE OF THE COUNSELORS WITH A LOG.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

THAT'S NOT OK.

IT HAPPENED, MOM.

IT ALL HAPPENED.

[ROOSTER CROWS]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

* YO, CAMP SUPERIOR

* UH-HUH, UH-HUH

* YO

* TODAY IS MY FAVORITE DAY

* IT'S THE BEST IN EVERY WAY

* SO MUCH MORE THAN JUST OK

* IT'S A VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY *

* GOOD DAY

* TODAY IS MY FAVORITE DAY

* I DO HOPE IT'S NOT CLICHÉ *

* IT'S EXACTLY AS I SAY

* DON'T BELIEVE ME, THEN JUST LOOK *

* WHAT'S WRITTEN UNDER MY TOUPEE *

* TODAY IS MY FAVORITE DAY

* I LIKE IT MORE THAN A SOUFFLÉ *

* TRAFFIC LIGHTS YOU SHOULD OBEY *

* I'M REALLY, REALLY, REALLY RUNNING OUT OF WORDS *

* THAT RHYME...WITH DAY

* TODAY I LOVE THIS DAY

* BECAUSE TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL *

* THE BEST DAY OF SCHOOL IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL *

* THE BEST DAY OF SCHOOL IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL *

* GOOD-BYE, GEOMETRY, GOOD-BYE, HOMEROOM *

* GOOD-BYE TO THE STENCH OF MISS McGURKIN'S CHEAP PERFUME *

* THE BEST DAY OF SCHOOL IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL *

* THE BEST DAY OF SCHOOL IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL *

* NO MORE WET WILLIES, SPITBALLS IN YOUR HAIR *

* THE LAST DAY THEY'LL HANG YOU BY YOUR UNDERWEAR *

* THE BEST DAY OF SCHOOL IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL *

* THE BEST DAY OF SCHOOL IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL *

* GOOD-BYE, LUNCH FOOD, HOW DO WE SURVIVE? *

* I WON'T MISS THE MEATLOAF

* IS IT ALIVE?

[MARCHING BAND PLAYING, WHISTLE BLOWING]

* THE BEST DAY OF SCHOOL IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL *

* THE BEST DAY OF SCHOOL IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL *

* THE BEST DAY IS THE LAST DAY *

* IS THE BEST DAY 'CAUSE IT'S THE LAST DAY *

* OF SCHOOL

[RAP MUSIC PLAYING]

* MY NAME IS FRED

* I'M SICK IN THE HEAD

* MESS WITH ME AND YOU'RE GONNA SEE RED *

* F TO THE R TO THE E TO THE D *

* WHEN YOU MEET ME, I THINK YOU'RE GONNA PEE *

* YOUR PANTS, THAT'S IT

* I'M LEGIT

* YEAH, SEE, I'M FRED

* PICK A HORN, DAMN IT

* YEAH, WE RULE

* YEAH, WE COOL

* OPEN UP YOUR MOUTH AND I'LL FEED YOU GRUEL *

* I ABUSE

* WE'RE GONNA MAKE A TRUCE *

* DOWN POUR SOME BERRIES AND YOU DRINK BUG JUICE *

* WE TUCK NOT LOOSE

* I'M GONNA COOK YOUR GOOSE *

* STICK WITH ME

* I'M THE CROCOBEARIMOOSE *

* PEACE

* BEARIMOOSE, CROCO-CROCO-CROCO *

* BEARI

* CROCOBEARIMOOSE

* CROCO-CROCO-CROCO

* BEARIMOOSE

* THERE'S NO PLACE I'D RATHER BE *

* THAN HERE AT CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE *

* THIS IS FOR THE LOSERS

* SINGING ALL NIGHT WHILE WE'RE THE LOSERS *

* THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING LOSERS *

* THIS IS WHERE WE BELONG, THE LOSERS *

* LOOK AT US

* THIS IS FOR THE LOSERS

* ALL NIGHT LONG, THE LOSERS

* NOTHING WRONG WITH LOSERS

* WE BELONG WITH LOSERS

* CAMP IWANNAPEEPEE

* IS THE GREATEST SUMMER CAMP

* IN THE WOOOOOOOORLD!

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY LIONS GATE ENTERTAINMENT

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--