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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:01,367 --> 00:00:04,067
This is a really
special day, Charlie.
2
00:00:04,100 --> 00:00:07,667
I never thought I'd see myself
in a long-term relationship. .
3
00:00:07,701 --> 00:00:09,367
Happy one-month anniversary. .
4
00:00:12,267 --> 00:00:14,167
Hey, guys! .
5
00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:17,400
Enjoying your lunch? .
6
00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:20,501
Okay, this has been fun.
I-I'll see ya later. .
7
00:00:20,534 --> 00:00:22,100
Oh, Caitlin, I'm sorry. .
8
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Why don't you join us?
9
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I don't want to interrupt. .
10
00:00:24,901 --> 00:00:26,367
That's all right. Ahem.
11
00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:29,234
I should moisturize. .
12
00:00:29,267 --> 00:00:32,200
Actually, I have to bring this food back
to the office, so maybe some other time. .
13
00:00:32,234 --> 00:00:33,667
How about the three of us
have dinner tonight? .
14
00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:35,334
Oh, I'd love that. .
15
00:00:35,367 --> 00:00:37,501
See you later. .
16
00:00:37,534 --> 00:00:39,033
That's very sweet of you,
17
00:00:39,067 --> 00:00:41,234
inviting Caitlin to dinner
with us. .
18
00:00:41,267 --> 00:00:43,801
Well, I want to get to know
your friends. .
19
00:00:45,634 --> 00:00:47,300
Oh, great.
20
00:00:47,334 --> 00:00:50,033
I just spotted my ex. .
21
00:00:50,067 --> 00:00:52,467
Um, you know what?
Maybe we should leave.
22
00:00:52,501 --> 00:00:55,200
I don't want this to be awkward
for you.
23
00:00:55,234 --> 00:00:56,467
Jennifer...
24
00:00:56,501 --> 00:00:58,801
I'm not the jealous type.
25
00:00:58,834 --> 00:01:01,100
I'm a secure and confident guy.
26
00:01:01,133 --> 00:01:03,868
I mean, you do think I'm
confident, don't you? .
27
00:01:03,901 --> 00:01:05,567
Of course you are. .
28
00:01:05,601 --> 00:01:07,200
So... .
29
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:10,701
Who is it, the eurodude with
too much hair product? .
30
00:01:10,734 --> 00:01:13,400
No, uh, over a bit. .
31
00:01:13,434 --> 00:01:16,534
It's the scrawny guy next to
the babe in the halter top? .
32
00:01:16,567 --> 00:01:19,467
No, it's the babe
in the halter top. .
33
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:28,734
Well, you've got good taste. .
34
00:01:53,033 --> 00:01:55,300
Oh, Caitlin,
I have a question for you. .
35
00:01:55,334 --> 00:01:57,901
A friend of mine...
let's call him "John"...
36
00:01:57,934 --> 00:02:00,167
is having trouble
with his girlfriend. .
37
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,901
Now, John has been
under a lot of stress lately
38
00:02:02,934 --> 00:02:05,067
'cause he's the mayor
of a large city
39
00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:06,767
in the middle of an election. .
40
00:02:06,801 --> 00:02:07,901
Sir... .
41
00:02:07,934 --> 00:02:09,868
Sir, are you John? .
42
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Busted. .
43
00:02:11,367 --> 00:02:13,167
Anyway...
44
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,367
Claire thinks that I'm being
selfish
45
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because I insist that we always
stay at my place. .
46
00:02:18,334 --> 00:02:20,567
Well, sir?
Sir, if I may suggest...
47
00:02:20,601 --> 00:02:22,801
Carter, please, I need a woman's
perspective. .
48
00:02:22,834 --> 00:02:24,434
Well... .
49
00:02:24,467 --> 00:02:26,534
Frankly, sir, I think Claire's
right. .
50
00:02:26,567 --> 00:02:28,434
You were saying? .
51
00:02:28,467 --> 00:02:30,667
Well, sir,
Claire just wants to know
52
00:02:30,701 --> 00:02:32,100
that you're equals
in this relationship. .
53
00:02:32,133 --> 00:02:33,334
Just make a gesture. .
54
00:02:33,367 --> 00:02:35,467
Let her know you're sensitive
to her feelings.
55
00:02:35,501 --> 00:02:40,334
Carter, you sure know women. .
56
00:02:40,367 --> 00:02:44,634
Walk with me.
57
00:02:44,667 --> 00:02:46,734
Stuart... ahem. .
58
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:49,167
You've had a lot of sexual
experiences, right? .
59
00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:51,234
Right. .
60
00:02:51,267 --> 00:02:54,934
And some of them have been
with other people? .
61
00:02:57,601 --> 00:03:00,400
Some.
62
00:03:00,434 --> 00:03:02,701
I need to talk about
something personal. .
63
00:03:02,734 --> 00:03:04,434
Can we do it later? .
64
00:03:04,467 --> 00:03:06,701
My mother's gonna be calling
any second. .
65
00:03:06,734 --> 00:03:08,501
We haven't talked in two years.
66
00:03:08,534 --> 00:03:11,567
I found out that Jennifer has
been with a woman.
67
00:03:19,701 --> 00:03:21,701
Continue. .
68
00:03:21,734 --> 00:03:24,100
Usually, I'd think this type
of thing was cool,
69
00:03:24,133 --> 00:03:26,067
but I don't know,
this is different.
70
00:03:26,100 --> 00:03:28,300
Charlie, I've found there are
three stages
71
00:03:28,334 --> 00:03:29,701
in dating a bisexual woman. .
72
00:03:29,734 --> 00:03:34,000
Stage one... cool, great,
loving it. .
73
00:03:34,033 --> 00:03:35,400
Stage two...
74
00:03:35,434 --> 00:03:38,501
you start to think
maybe you can't satisfy her
75
00:03:38,534 --> 00:03:39,801
the way a woman can. .
76
00:03:39,834 --> 00:03:41,734
Stage three...
77
00:03:41,767 --> 00:03:43,968
you were right. .
78
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,133
You're wrong. .
79
00:03:46,167 --> 00:03:48,267
Jennifer's totally
into our relationship. .
80
00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:51,033
In fact, she invited Caitlin
to dinner tonight
81
00:03:51,067 --> 00:03:53,701
because she wants to get
to know my friends. .
82
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:56,400
So she wants to get to know
83
00:03:56,434 --> 00:04:01,300
your hot, blond, female friend? .
84
00:04:01,334 --> 00:04:03,167
Yeah, you got nothing
to worry about. .
85
00:04:07,367 --> 00:04:10,133
Hey, Charlie, it was great
seeing you and Jennifer. .
86
00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:12,901
She's a real girl's girl. .
87
00:04:12,934 --> 00:04:16,167
What do you mean "girl's girl"?
88
00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:19,300
I don't know, she's the first
woman you've dated
89
00:04:19,334 --> 00:04:21,501
who's shown any interest in me. .
90
00:04:21,534 --> 00:04:25,100
Yeah, well, she sleeps
with me and loves it. .
91
00:04:31,634 --> 00:04:33,968
I can't believe this. .
92
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:37,968
A sister Agnes just called me
from Claudia's convent. .
93
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,100
Apparently, Claudia wants half
my money
94
00:04:40,133 --> 00:04:41,467
in our divorce settlement. .
95
00:04:41,501 --> 00:04:43,467
Why didn't Claudia call you
herself? .
96
00:04:43,501 --> 00:04:45,801
When Claudia left me
to become a nun,
97
00:04:45,834 --> 00:04:47,267
she took a vow of silence. .
98
00:04:47,300 --> 00:04:49,934
Silence and celibacy...
that's tough. .
99
00:04:49,968 --> 00:04:52,167
Yeah, luckily, our marriage
prepared her for both. .
100
00:04:53,534 --> 00:04:55,534
She's trying to get
at my nest egg.
101
00:04:55,567 --> 00:04:56,968
I've been saving that money
102
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since I made that cash
at my bar mitzvah.
103
00:04:59,167 --> 00:05:00,934
Paul, you're not even jewish. .
104
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,934
Yeah, well, none of the kids
at my breakdance party
105
00:05:02,968 --> 00:05:04,200
seemed to care. .
106
00:05:04,234 --> 00:05:07,701
Oh, the arbitration is
tomorrow. I'm screwed.
107
00:05:07,734 --> 00:05:12,100
I'll say. What judge isn't
gonna favor a nun? .
108
00:05:12,133 --> 00:05:15,000
Maybe the mayor's girlfriend.
109
00:05:15,033 --> 00:05:16,200
Claire is a judge. .
110
00:05:16,234 --> 00:05:17,701
She likes the mayor. .
111
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:20,434
The mayor likes me.
Therefore, she likes me. .
112
00:05:20,467 --> 00:05:23,200
If she presides over
the arbitration, I'll win! .
113
00:05:23,234 --> 00:05:26,334
It's a perfect plan! Paul, the
last time you had a perfect plan,
114
00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:28,868
the paramedics had to pump
quarters out of your stomach. .
115
00:05:32,834 --> 00:05:35,868
Sorry I'm late.
I could not get across town. .
116
00:05:35,901 --> 00:05:38,033
Oh, do you go through the park
or take 59th street?
117
00:05:38,067 --> 00:05:40,534
I go both ways.
118
00:05:40,567 --> 00:05:43,834
I like to pick one way
and stick with it. .
119
00:05:43,868 --> 00:05:45,300
Here, have a seat. .
120
00:05:50,334 --> 00:05:53,434
So, have you seen any movies
lately?
121
00:05:53,467 --> 00:05:55,934
I just got "dirty Harry"
on DVD. .
122
00:05:55,968 --> 00:05:57,434
It's pretty awesome. .
123
00:05:57,467 --> 00:05:59,200
Oh, I hated that movie. .
124
00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:00,334
Me too. .
125
00:06:00,367 --> 00:06:02,567
It's just two hours
of male bravado. .
126
00:06:02,601 --> 00:06:04,901
Stupid movie.
127
00:06:04,934 --> 00:06:07,367
Charlie told me you're not
seeing anyone.
128
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:10,000
I cannot believe that.
You are so beautiful. .
129
00:06:10,033 --> 00:06:12,367
Caitlin's just waiting
for the perfect guy. .
130
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:13,634
Mr. right. .
131
00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:16,734
A man. .
132
00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:20,367
We ordered some appetizers.
You have to try my calamari. .
133
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,400
Mmm! .
134
00:06:22,434 --> 00:06:24,200
It's delicious. .
135
00:06:24,234 --> 00:06:26,234
Try some more. .
136
00:06:26,267 --> 00:06:27,501
Mmm. .
137
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,100
Here. .
138
00:06:30,133 --> 00:06:31,434
Taste mine. .
139
00:06:31,467 --> 00:06:34,868
Oh, no, thanks, Charlie.
Um, I don't like ribs. .
140
00:06:34,901 --> 00:06:37,234
Stupid ribs.
141
00:06:43,267 --> 00:06:45,934
Well, don't you look happy.
142
00:06:45,968 --> 00:06:48,868
I'm guessing you got Claire
to preside over your case. .
143
00:06:48,901 --> 00:06:51,701
Yep. My money's staying
right where it is...
144
00:06:51,734 --> 00:06:54,434
in a no-interest-bearing
checking account. .
145
00:06:54,467 --> 00:06:56,100
Oh, excuse me, ladies! .
146
00:06:56,133 --> 00:07:00,133
Do you mind if I read you a
passage from the book of Paul?
147
00:07:00,167 --> 00:07:01,501
I'm not familiar with that. .
148
00:07:01,534 --> 00:07:03,634
It's the book of Paul lassiter. .
149
00:07:03,667 --> 00:07:05,567
"And the lord saideth,
150
00:07:05,601 --> 00:07:09,667
'warm up the station wagon,
'cause you're gonna lose.'"
151
00:07:11,701 --> 00:07:13,267
nah. .
152
00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:17,567
Great idea, Paul...
heckle the nuns.
153
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:20,167
Hello, Claire.
154
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:21,701
I'm working,
155
00:07:21,734 --> 00:07:23,801
so if you don't mind,
it's "judge Simmons." .
156
00:07:23,834 --> 00:07:24,968
Hello, judge Simmons. .
157
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,801
Don't "hello" me. .
158
00:07:26,834 --> 00:07:30,501
Look, I know that staying over
at the mansion all the time
159
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,334
is very difficult for you,
160
00:07:32,367 --> 00:07:34,634
so I'd like to make a gesture. .
161
00:07:34,667 --> 00:07:37,834
So you're willing to stay over
at my place once in a while? .
162
00:07:37,868 --> 00:07:40,767
Oh, God, no.
I got you an overnight bag. .
163
00:07:40,801 --> 00:07:42,834
It's a piece of luggage. .
164
00:07:42,868 --> 00:07:44,467
That's not a gesture. .
165
00:07:44,501 --> 00:07:46,868
It's a parting gift
when you lose on a game show. .
166
00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:49,767
It has wheels. See? .
167
00:07:49,801 --> 00:07:51,100
This is unbelievable. .
168
00:07:51,133 --> 00:07:52,813
You don't know how
to compromise, do you? .
169
00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:56,000
I compromise! .
170
00:07:56,033 --> 00:07:58,267
When?
You think I enjoy antiquing?
171
00:07:58,300 --> 00:08:00,834
I'm a wealthy man.
I can afford new stuff. .
172
00:08:04,934 --> 00:08:07,167
Judge Simmons, may I just say
173
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:08,767
that the verdict is in,
174
00:08:08,801 --> 00:08:13,501
and you are guilty
of looking lovely today. .
175
00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:17,367
My good friend the mayor
is a very lucky man. .
176
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:19,167
Mr. lassiter...
177
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,801
I hope your opening statement
carries more weight
178
00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:24,000
than that pathetic attempt
at flattery. .
179
00:08:24,033 --> 00:08:26,467
T-that was
my opening statement.
180
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,400
I'm so glad Jen invited me
to go out with you guys. .
181
00:08:36,434 --> 00:08:40,000
"Jen"? You call her "Jen"? .
182
00:08:40,033 --> 00:08:43,567
What does she call you...
"caity-poo"? .
183
00:08:43,601 --> 00:08:46,567
What the hell are you
talking about? .
184
00:08:46,601 --> 00:08:49,734
Look, Jennifer
has been with a woman. .
185
00:08:49,767 --> 00:08:51,133
She has? .
186
00:08:51,167 --> 00:08:54,033
Everyone's done that except me. .
187
00:08:55,267 --> 00:08:57,067
Well, you might have a shot. .
188
00:08:58,267 --> 00:09:00,100
It's obvious she's totally
into you. .
189
00:09:00,133 --> 00:09:01,667
It doesn't surprise me,
190
00:09:01,701 --> 00:09:03,300
the way you've been
acting around her. .
191
00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:04,434
Are you saying I'm hitting on
your girlfriend?
192
00:09:04,467 --> 00:09:06,067
I wasn't saying that,
193
00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:08,567
but I find it interesting it's
the first place you went. .
194
00:09:08,601 --> 00:09:10,601
Hmm? .
195
00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:13,934
Just because Jen's been with
girls doesn't mean she wants me. .
196
00:09:13,968 --> 00:09:15,934
It's obvious she's crazy
about you. .
197
00:09:15,968 --> 00:09:18,234
Ready to go, Charlie?
198
00:09:21,434 --> 00:09:25,000
I'll get us a cab. .
199
00:09:25,033 --> 00:09:27,033
Thanks so much for joining us.
200
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,267
I had a great time. .
201
00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:29,868
Me too. .
202
00:09:45,767 --> 00:09:47,434
Good morning. Oh, hey. .
203
00:09:47,467 --> 00:09:49,601
You were right about Jen. .
204
00:09:49,634 --> 00:09:51,901
She is clearly into me. .
205
00:09:51,934 --> 00:09:54,167
As soon as we got in the cab,
206
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,100
she gave me
the most passionate kiss. .
207
00:09:56,133 --> 00:09:58,133
You have no idea. .
208
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,267
I have some idea. .
209
00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:04,200
It's like somebody
flipped a switch,
210
00:10:04,234 --> 00:10:06,300
and all this sexual energy
was unleashed.
211
00:10:06,334 --> 00:10:08,434
I can still taste
her lip gloss. .
212
00:10:08,467 --> 00:10:10,734
It was, uh, papaya or... .
213
00:10:10,767 --> 00:10:13,234
Mango? .
214
00:10:13,267 --> 00:10:14,434
Yes! .
215
00:10:14,467 --> 00:10:15,901
Wait a minute. .
216
00:10:15,934 --> 00:10:19,100
How do you know
what she tasted like? .
217
00:10:19,133 --> 00:10:21,367
Uh, when we said goodbye,
218
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:24,934
she kind of gave me
a kiss on the lips. .
219
00:10:24,968 --> 00:10:27,267
How do you "kind of" give
someone a kiss on the lips?
220
00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:28,968
I probably shouldn't
have said anything.
221
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,367
I'm sure it meant nothing. .
222
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,400
No, no, no. No.
Show me the kiss. .
223
00:10:32,434 --> 00:10:35,167
Was it like this... .
224
00:10:36,434 --> 00:10:40,634
Or like this? .
225
00:10:40,667 --> 00:10:42,667
Show me the second one again. .
226
00:10:46,701 --> 00:10:48,434
You getting anything? .
227
00:10:48,467 --> 00:10:51,534
No, but I'm surprised you are. .
228
00:10:53,667 --> 00:10:56,234
Some women are just
very affectionate. .
229
00:10:56,267 --> 00:10:58,033
Maybe she's a lip-kisser.
230
00:10:58,067 --> 00:11:00,467
I'm not buying it.
We need a second opinion.
231
00:11:00,501 --> 00:11:01,834
Stuart, can you get in here?
232
00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:03,033
I'm really swamped right now. .
233
00:11:03,067 --> 00:11:06,701
It's about women
kissing each other.
234
00:11:09,501 --> 00:11:11,467
Stuart,
what would you call a woman
235
00:11:11,501 --> 00:11:13,234
who kisses another woman
on the lips? .
236
00:11:13,267 --> 00:11:15,100
A lesbian. .
237
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,300
What if they were
saying goodbye? .
238
00:11:19,334 --> 00:11:23,334
A lesbian saying goodbye. .
239
00:11:23,367 --> 00:11:26,734
What if they're just very fond
of each other as friends
240
00:11:26,767 --> 00:11:29,667
and are expressing
mutual respect and affection? .
241
00:11:29,701 --> 00:11:35,434
Everything you just said...
with "lesbian" in front of it. .
242
00:11:35,467 --> 00:11:37,033
This is ridiculous! .
243
00:11:37,067 --> 00:11:39,033
You know,
if you are so worried,
244
00:11:39,067 --> 00:11:41,267
why don't you just ask her
if she's attracted to me? .
245
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:43,634
Because a relationship
is built on trust.
246
00:11:43,667 --> 00:11:45,300
I really like this woman. .
247
00:11:45,334 --> 00:11:47,934
We have so much in common.
She's a lot like me. .
248
00:11:47,968 --> 00:11:49,701
So why would she want to
cheat on you? .
249
00:11:49,734 --> 00:11:51,534
Because we have
so much in common...
250
00:11:51,567 --> 00:11:53,000
she's a lot like me.
251
00:11:55,033 --> 00:11:56,868
Hello? .
252
00:11:56,901 --> 00:11:58,501
Oh, hey, Jennifer. .
253
00:11:58,534 --> 00:12:01,200
Yeah, sure. Hold on. .
254
00:12:04,834 --> 00:12:06,467
Hey, Jennifer. .
255
00:12:06,501 --> 00:12:08,300
A designers' sample sale? .
256
00:12:08,334 --> 00:12:11,467
Ooh, do you think they have
knee-high boots? .
257
00:12:11,501 --> 00:12:13,601
Okay, I will meet you there. .
258
00:12:13,634 --> 00:12:15,767
You can't go shopping with her.
Why not? .
259
00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:17,133
Because she's going
to get you alone,
260
00:12:17,167 --> 00:12:18,467
put you in some tight clothes,
261
00:12:18,501 --> 00:12:20,100
and then try
to get you out of them. .
262
00:12:20,133 --> 00:12:22,100
What makes you think
she'd do that?
263
00:12:22,133 --> 00:12:24,167
'Cause that's what I would do. .
264
00:12:28,133 --> 00:12:29,767
Answer me this...
265
00:12:29,801 --> 00:12:32,100
if nuns take a vow of poverty,
266
00:12:32,133 --> 00:12:34,767
what do they need m money for? .
267
00:12:34,801 --> 00:12:38,000
Sister Claudia would like to use
the money to clothe the needy,
268
00:12:38,033 --> 00:12:40,100
feed the hungry,
shelter the homeless,
269
00:12:40,133 --> 00:12:42,934
and provide medicine
for the sick. .
270
00:12:42,968 --> 00:12:45,100
That's very admirable. .
271
00:12:45,133 --> 00:12:47,667
And what would you do
with the money, Mr. lassiter? .
272
00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:50,767
The same. .
273
00:12:52,501 --> 00:12:56,767
God, being in a relationship
with a woman is so difficult. .
274
00:12:56,801 --> 00:12:58,367
How do you deal with it,
Carter? .
275
00:13:00,701 --> 00:13:02,634
I date men. .
276
00:13:02,667 --> 00:13:05,367
That'll be my fallback. .
277
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:07,133
Sir? Mm-hmm.
278
00:13:07,167 --> 00:13:08,901
Claire is killing me
with this arbitration. .
279
00:13:08,934 --> 00:13:10,134
She's mean, she's vindictive. .
280
00:13:10,167 --> 00:13:11,968
She's like a black widow
circling her prey. .
281
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,200
What's your point?
282
00:13:13,234 --> 00:13:15,000
I like her.
283
00:13:15,033 --> 00:13:16,434
I think you should
get back together with her. .
284
00:13:16,467 --> 00:13:18,367
Forget it.
I'm not making up with her. .
285
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:21,767
Sir, a little compromise in a
relationship never hurt anybody. .
286
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,801
Destroyed my marriage
with Helen. .
287
00:13:23,834 --> 00:13:25,367
She won our first argument,
288
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:28,267
and for the next 20 years
she had the upper hand. .
289
00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:30,267
What was the argument about? .
290
00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:31,801
Who would have the upper hand. .
291
00:13:33,334 --> 00:13:35,234
She never respected me
after that.
292
00:13:35,267 --> 00:13:37,701
I am not going to let this
happen with Claire. .
293
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,067
Mnh-mnh. .
294
00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:40,801
It's a matter of principle. .
295
00:13:40,834 --> 00:13:42,067
But, sir, I have no principles. .
296
00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:43,767
Why should I have to suffer? .
297
00:13:45,634 --> 00:13:48,000
Every cause
needs a martyr, Paul... .
298
00:13:48,033 --> 00:13:51,334
And you're mine.
299
00:13:51,367 --> 00:13:55,634
I don't care if you wind up
on the street selling pencils. .
300
00:13:55,667 --> 00:13:57,567
That's how much
this means to me. .
301
00:13:57,601 --> 00:13:59,133
Oh, God. .
302
00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:00,601
Sir, if you care about Claire,
303
00:14:00,634 --> 00:14:02,334
you have to move beyond
your first marriage. .
304
00:14:02,367 --> 00:14:04,567
She shouldn't have to pay
for what Helen did to you. .
305
00:14:04,601 --> 00:14:06,667
He's right. Come on, be a pal. .
306
00:14:06,701 --> 00:14:09,167
If Claire stays mad at you,
I'm gonna lose,
307
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:12,067
and if I lose, I gotta give
Claudia a lot of money. .
308
00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:13,834
How much are we talking here? .
309
00:14:17,067 --> 00:14:18,701
You add a zero,
310
00:14:18,734 --> 00:14:20,934
that's what I pay Helen
every month. .
311
00:14:23,334 --> 00:14:26,033
She seeing anyone? .
312
00:14:31,701 --> 00:14:34,567
Oh, look.
313
00:14:34,601 --> 00:14:36,067
I snagged the last cashmere...
314
00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:38,067
I saw that first.
315
00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:40,167
I'll get it back...
there's no way she's a size 2. .
316
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:44,567
Wow... you look
really sexy in that top. .
317
00:14:44,601 --> 00:14:47,133
Oh. .
318
00:14:47,167 --> 00:14:48,934
How 'bout now? .
319
00:14:48,968 --> 00:14:50,434
Hmm. Still sexy.
320
00:14:50,467 --> 00:14:53,400
I'm not gonna get it. .
321
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:54,901
Do you mind if I try it on? .
322
00:14:54,934 --> 00:14:56,701
Sure. .
323
00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:02,133
Oh, I'm really glad
you invited me here. .
324
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:04,200
Yeah, it's fun, isn't it? .
325
00:15:04,234 --> 00:15:06,534
Oh! .
326
00:15:06,567 --> 00:15:07,834
Oh. .
327
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:10,133
I...
328
00:15:10,167 --> 00:15:12,434
Saw this in "vogue."
329
00:15:12,467 --> 00:15:14,968
I like it. .
330
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,734
Let's see... .
331
00:15:17,767 --> 00:15:19,234
Hmm. .
332
00:15:19,267 --> 00:15:21,467
How do my boobs look
in this shirt?
333
00:15:21,501 --> 00:15:23,100
I don't know. .
334
00:15:23,133 --> 00:15:26,067
Um, I-I didn't even
notice you had boobs. .
335
00:15:26,100 --> 00:15:29,534
You know who you should ask?
Men. Men love boobs. .
336
00:15:29,567 --> 00:15:31,801
Damn, this button's stuck. .
337
00:15:31,834 --> 00:15:33,601
Can you give me a hand? .
338
00:15:33,634 --> 00:15:35,033
Okay... .
339
00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:37,100
I-I can't do this anymore. .
340
00:15:37,133 --> 00:15:40,801
Uh, Jen, it... it seems
that you're attracted to me. .
341
00:15:40,834 --> 00:15:44,534
And while I am flattered
and I do like you very much,
342
00:15:44,567 --> 00:15:46,567
it's just...
it's not in that way.
343
00:15:46,601 --> 00:15:50,000
Caitlin,
I'm not attracted to you. .
344
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,033
Oh. .
345
00:15:52,067 --> 00:15:54,701
Want to look for handbags? .
346
00:15:54,734 --> 00:15:57,367
What is going on?
347
00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,033
I'm... I'm sorry. .
348
00:15:59,067 --> 00:16:01,467
You know, I never should
have jumped to conclusions. .
349
00:16:01,501 --> 00:16:03,601
It's just that Charlie
got into my head.
350
00:16:03,634 --> 00:16:05,234
Charlie? What did he tell you? .
351
00:16:05,267 --> 00:16:08,167
Well, he said that you had
a relationship with a woman,
352
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:12,834
and I guess I got a little paranoid
after you kissed me, so... .
353
00:16:12,868 --> 00:16:15,968
That's how I say goodbye.
I'm just a lip-kisser. .
354
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:19,501
Believe me, Caitlin,
I am in no way attracted to you. .
355
00:16:19,534 --> 00:16:22,701
Yeah, I heard you
the first time.
356
00:16:22,734 --> 00:16:26,400
I just cannot believe
Charlie doesn't trust me. .
357
00:16:26,434 --> 00:16:28,000
Oh, don't blame this
all on him. .
358
00:16:28,033 --> 00:16:30,868
He was just thrown by your past.
He's really a good guy. .
359
00:16:30,901 --> 00:16:32,767
He trusts you
more than you think. .
360
00:16:36,934 --> 00:16:39,067
Hey. .
361
00:16:39,100 --> 00:16:42,467
What are you guys doing
in casuals? .
362
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:44,634
You are unbelievable.
363
00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:48,734
Excuse me... .
364
00:16:48,767 --> 00:16:51,801
Do you think this top
is too revealing? .
365
00:16:51,834 --> 00:16:54,901
No.
366
00:16:57,934 --> 00:17:01,067
Claire, can we talk? .
367
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:04,000
Oh, look at the tissues.
Have you been crying? .
368
00:17:04,033 --> 00:17:06,367
No, those are Paul's. .
369
00:17:07,868 --> 00:17:09,033
What do you want? .
370
00:17:09,067 --> 00:17:11,100
Well, I-I want you
to have this. .
371
00:17:11,133 --> 00:17:14,100
Didn't I already tell you
where you can put that? .
372
00:17:14,133 --> 00:17:17,467
Yes, but I was pretty sure
it would void the warranty. .
373
00:17:17,501 --> 00:17:20,200
Open it. .
374
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,000
These are your things.
375
00:17:24,033 --> 00:17:26,734
I'm gonna need them
if I stay at your place tonight.
376
00:17:26,767 --> 00:17:29,400
I really appreciate this. .
377
00:17:29,434 --> 00:17:31,701
Oh, and tonight, um,
378
00:17:31,734 --> 00:17:34,701
you'll be doing
more than sleeping. .
379
00:17:34,734 --> 00:17:37,767
Oh, that's good...
you got your cable fixed.
380
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,734
Claire, Claire, Claire, Claire...
What? .
381
00:17:42,767 --> 00:17:44,968
You mean everything to me,
and I realize
382
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,801
that the only way that this
relationship is gonna work
383
00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:49,567
is if I stop being so selfish. .
384
00:17:49,601 --> 00:17:51,567
Ohh... .
385
00:17:51,601 --> 00:17:53,467
My favorite chocolates. .
386
00:17:53,501 --> 00:17:56,801
Those are mine. .
387
00:17:56,834 --> 00:17:59,601
Well, it's, uh, almost time
to start up again,
388
00:17:59,634 --> 00:18:01,400
so I'm gonna see you tonight.
389
00:18:03,467 --> 00:18:05,968
Would you mind being
a little easier on Paul? .
390
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,901
He's not such a bad guy. .
391
00:18:07,934 --> 00:18:09,734
Ah, there's my buddy now! .
392
00:18:09,767 --> 00:18:11,133
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. .
393
00:18:11,167 --> 00:18:14,067
"Buddy" is a little strong,
394
00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:16,567
don't you think? .
395
00:18:16,601 --> 00:18:18,133
Judge Simmons...
396
00:18:18,167 --> 00:18:20,434
I'm afraid I have given you
the impression
397
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:22,167
that the mayor and I are close. .
398
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:23,701
We are not. .
399
00:18:23,734 --> 00:18:27,934
Like you, I find him
to be selfish, stubborn,
400
00:18:27,968 --> 00:18:30,100
and a bad lover.
401
00:18:31,934 --> 00:18:37,634
I've left enough women
unsatisfied to know the look.
402
00:18:37,667 --> 00:18:41,100
Paul, Claire and I
are back together again. .
403
00:18:41,133 --> 00:18:45,367
Oh, why do you hate me?! .
404
00:18:50,634 --> 00:18:52,367
I can't believe Charlie.
405
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,000
I tell him I've been with
one woman, and he freaks out.
406
00:18:55,033 --> 00:18:57,067
I know... I was judged
the same way in college
407
00:18:57,100 --> 00:18:58,968
when people found out
I was with two guys. .
408
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,767
Really? How did that happen? .
409
00:19:01,801 --> 00:19:04,634
Well, I was with Joe
until I was a sophomore,
410
00:19:04,667 --> 00:19:07,634
and then I dated Dave
my junior and senior years.
411
00:19:13,868 --> 00:19:15,033
Charlie,
why are you wearing that?
412
00:19:15,067 --> 00:19:17,734
I put my coat down
for one second,
413
00:19:17,767 --> 00:19:19,634
and some woman bought it.
414
00:19:19,667 --> 00:19:22,167
I'm not gonna freeze out there. .
415
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:23,634
They took your shirt, too? .
416
00:19:23,667 --> 00:19:25,801
No, this is mine.
417
00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:28,400
Jennifer...
418
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:31,033
I shouldn't have followed you
to that store. .
419
00:19:31,067 --> 00:19:32,701
It was a dumb thing to do.
420
00:19:32,734 --> 00:19:34,100
I know. It was ridiculous
for me to think
421
00:19:34,133 --> 00:19:36,133
you could ever be
attracted to Caitlin. .
422
00:19:36,167 --> 00:19:38,868
Yeah, we covered that.
423
00:19:38,901 --> 00:19:40,767
Charlie, I shared
something personal with you
424
00:19:40,801 --> 00:19:42,234
because I trusted you,
425
00:19:42,267 --> 00:19:44,767
and you assumed I'm
some sex-crazed nympho
426
00:19:44,801 --> 00:19:46,968
who's going to cheat on you
with Caitlin...
427
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,901
a woman you call
your best friend?
428
00:19:48,934 --> 00:19:50,467
I mean, really. .
429
00:19:50,501 --> 00:19:52,601
That is the lamest,
most pathetic...
430
00:19:52,634 --> 00:19:55,067
you call me your best friend? .
431
00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:57,501
Ohh.
432
00:19:57,534 --> 00:19:58,767
I want you to know
433
00:19:58,801 --> 00:20:00,901
that our relationship
means the world to me. .
434
00:20:00,934 --> 00:20:03,634
Oh, well, it means
a lot to me, too.
435
00:20:03,667 --> 00:20:05,834
I'm gonna go. .
436
00:20:07,834 --> 00:20:10,767
Best friend. Mm.
437
00:20:12,601 --> 00:20:15,000
Jennifer, I'm just not used to
being in a relationship
438
00:20:15,033 --> 00:20:16,934
with a woman that has
your dating history. .
439
00:20:16,968 --> 00:20:18,634
How do you think I feel?
440
00:20:18,667 --> 00:20:20,868
I mean, just yesterday
Stuart was going on
441
00:20:20,901 --> 00:20:23,234
about all the "Bettys"
you've hooked up with. .
442
00:20:23,267 --> 00:20:25,467
For your information,
I've only been with five. .
443
00:20:25,501 --> 00:20:26,934
You've only been
with five women? .
444
00:20:26,968 --> 00:20:29,501
Only five named Betty.
445
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,200
Usually I'm not
the jealous type,
446
00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:37,100
but I don't know how to compete
with a whole other gender.
447
00:20:37,133 --> 00:20:39,767
I was worried you'd start
missing what I don't have.
448
00:20:39,801 --> 00:20:42,300
I mean, my skin isn't that soft.
I don't smell that great. .
449
00:20:42,334 --> 00:20:43,601
Yes, you do.
450
00:20:43,634 --> 00:20:45,534
I know. .
451
00:20:45,567 --> 00:20:47,801
You want to get out of here? .
452
00:20:47,834 --> 00:20:50,234
Sure. .
453
00:20:56,767 --> 00:20:57,767
Bitch. .
454
00:21:02,968 --> 00:21:06,033
Forgive me, father,
for I have sinned. .
455
00:21:06,067 --> 00:21:09,567
It's been a number of decades
since my last confession. .
456
00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:12,667
Since that time,
I've staged a fake bar mitzvah,
457
00:21:12,701 --> 00:21:14,801
taken the lord's name in vain,
458
00:21:14,834 --> 00:21:17,234
and I moved
a sizable amount of money
459
00:21:17,267 --> 00:21:18,868
into a Swiss bank account
460
00:21:18,901 --> 00:21:21,601
to keep it out of the hands
of my ex-wife,
461
00:21:21,634 --> 00:21:23,534
who is now a nun. .
462
00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:26,667
Gotcha. .
463
00:21:27,968 --> 00:21:29,100
Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog.
464
00:21:29,133 --> 00:21:30,334
.
465
00:21:30,367 --> 00:21:32,834
Moo.
33877
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