Original subtitles

JUNE: Enjoy, okay?

Come back again. Bye.

Well...

if it isn't the tree guy.

Uh, can I get a bag

of your finest -brussels sprouts, please? -Yes, sir.

You want those pickled?

Nope, I'm good, thank you.

Please, uh, stop harassing the people in our line, Randy.

I'm just saying that you can pickle anything.

I pickled a quarter once.

Do not know what to do with that.

Um, so do you guys have any Halloween plans?

Yeah, yeah, we're going to a party.

Um, you know the actor Liam Neeson?

Yeah, it's his annual Halloween thing, so...

Yeah, he has a very particular set of skills,

which allow him to throw a killer party.

[laughs] Oh, I didn't know he lived in the area.

That sounds amazing.

Oh, oh, yeah.

It's-it's not really a bringer.

What? No, I didn't want to--

I-I couldn't even go,

because...

Sam and I are throwing our own Halloween party.

-Cool. -Yeah, it is cool.

It's pretty exclusive. I was gonna invite the both of you,

but you seem ocupado.

JUNE: Hey, it's no problem at all. We'll, um,

we'll stop by before Liam's.

Yeah, it could be a nice fresh start

-after the whole tree thing. -Yeah.

Great.

Uh, what time should I be there?

♪ ♪

JAY: Which is why we now have to throw

a Halloween party tomorrow night.

What's going on?

Oh, Jay wants to throw a Halloween party

to follow through on a lie he told our neighbors.

Well, I can't cancel.

They'll think I made the whole thing up.

Which I don't want them to know. June and Ally are really cool.

And they're the only people under 40

within a ten-mile radius.

And I'd really like for them to like us.

Well, you know we don't love Halloween.

But we do love a party.

And we haven't had a gala at Woodstone Mansion for decades.

Count me in.

And when you say count you in, you mean you'll be here,

as always, wearing the same clothes as always?

Precisely. Sam, ask Jay

if plus-ones are allowed.

Isaac wants to know if it's okay if he brings Nigel.

Oh, yeah, yeah, any invisible people

who want to come, totally fine.

Oh, God.

I am so nervous.

This is our first party as whatever it is we are now.

-Boyfriends? -Ah, it's just

so lovey-dovey.

Murderer and victim?

Not loving the sound of that one either.

Look, I want this house filled

with sexy nurses as much as the next ghost.

But a last-second party is a tricky proposition.

Halloween is a very competitive holiday.

Trevor's worried that nobody's going to show.

And it's not the worst point.

I mean, isn't everybody already doing stuff?

Babe, come on.

Who doesn't want to go to a Halloween rager

in a spooky mansion?

It's gonna be awesome.

["Ghost Town" by The Specials playing]

Go ahead, name something.

I don't know, man.

A strawberry?

Yep, it can be pickled.

Okay, well, I'm going to get us some more drinks.

I've been in relationships that had more people than this party.

So, tell us about your costume.

I'm Ruth Maid-er Ginsburg.

I'm here to clean up the mess left behind by the patriarchy.

Feminism has ruined this sacred holiday.

JUNE: Aw, man.

This feather duster would be perfect for this costume.

-Take it. -Seriously?

Of course, um...

Can I interest you

in a beady-eyed raven while we're at it?

Don't just give that away. That taxidermist

did President Garfield's beagle.

Thank you for coming.

I know the turnout has been subpar to say the least.

On the contrary, I am quite fond of who is in attendance.

And it is still early.

Perhaps reinforcements will arrive.

[both groaning]

Wasn't me.

What is that horrid smell?

Pete.

It was Pete.

When the Livings walk through him, it smells.

Stinky Pete is what we call him.

Yep, guilty as charged.

[chuckles]

P.U.! Am I right?

Okay, Randy either just farted

or Isaac got walked through. It doesn't matter.

This party is a disaster.

I told you no one was gonna show.

A last-minute Halloween invite-- it's mission: impossible.

Just because the party's small

doesn't mean we can't make it fun.

In my day, the occult was all the rage. Why not conduct

a séance? What's more Halloween than that?

That's interesting.

I had one once to impress Mrs. Astor, and it worked.

The lights flickered, the smell of death surrounded us,

and I'm just now realizing that was

Thor and Isaac messing with us.

-They got you so good. -Uh-huh.

Jay, the ghosts are saying that we should have a séance,

and they can use their powers to make it spooky

-for June and Ally. -Whatever gets Randy

to stop telling me about things he can pickle,

I'm in.

♪ ♪

Spirits, we ask you to open your doors

to the realm of the dead.

I can't believe some people think this stuff is real.

Pete, you're a ghost.[sighs] That's a fair point.

Now everybody hold hands

and repeat after me.

Spirit, spirit,

draw in near. From beyond, join us here.

ALL: Spirit, spirit,

draw in near.

From beyond,

join us here.

[thunder crashes][all gasping]

Thor, you messing with the lights?[both shouting]

[gasps]

[crickets chirping]

[screams] That's not funny!

[ghosts shouting, clamoring] It's happening!

Hey, spirits?

Uh, if you're there, could you, like, flick the lights or...

hum or something?

[ghosts screaming, clamoring]

Oh.

Spirits?

What the Hades?

[gasps]

Mrs. Woodstone?

Molly.

Who is that?

That is the maid who was sleeping with Hetty's husband.

[growls]

So, is that it?

Are we done?

Yep.

Sorry, that was pretty lame.

How dare you show your face here, Molly?

You think I want to be here?

I don't even know how I got here.

Samantha, send her back. Send her back this instant.

Hi. Trevor Lefkowitz.

Yes, I'm not wearing pants.

But it's because of a hero move.

Sasappis.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

I watched you for years.

But respectfully, not in a creepy way.

Wow, smooth, bro.

I have to ask, what is it like up there?

All I'll say is, it's remarkable.

But beyond that, I can't say anything specific or I'll melt.

In fact, I'm not even sure I was supposed to say that,

but I didn't melt, so I guess it's okay.

[all chuckling]

Well, everybody's gone.

Party's over.

What gives, ghosts?

That séance was a dud.

SAMANTHA: Actually it worked.

Worked in what way?

In the way that a portal in the ceiling opened up

and now we have a maid from the Gilded Age

in our kitchen.

That is awesome!

It most certainly is not.

Hetty hates her, and the maid

just wants to be sent back.

I can't believe it worked.

I bet because it's Halloween.

You know they say the border between the living

and the dead thins on Halloween.

If you're right, then that means our window

to send her back closes at midnight.

-Unless she wants to stay? -Yeah, she just got here.

[shushes] No, I'd like to leave and go back

to the place where everything's perfect all the time.

SAMANTHA: Okay, so how do we send her back?

Easy, we just do a reverse curse.

-What? -We do another séance,

but this time to send her back.

It's like the movie Big, he made one wish to get big,

and then he had to make another wish to reverse it.

Do it, do it.

Don't worry, Molly.

We're gonna find your dog.

[pats arm]

BOTH: Spirit, spirit, listen clear.

From the beyond, leave us here.

It's not working.

Well, we tried.

I have a TV in my room.

She's never seen a refrigerator, but, sure, lead with TV.

So the harlot just remains?

Well, I may have been a harlot,

but what about you?

You were a cruel and vindictive boss.

It's too late for flattery.

Hey, that's the same feather duster

Jay gave that neighbor lady.

What's going on? Did it work?

No, it didn't, but did you give a feather duster

to June or Ally?

Yeah, and they took it to Liam Neeson's party. Why?

Well, the ghost maid has one on her right now.

That's why she was summoned.

And that's why the reverse séance didn't work.

We need the feather duster here.

Thor think Thor understand.

In Big he had to find

the Zoltar machine to reverse the curse.

The feather duster

is our Zoltar machine.

And Thor lost now.

So we just need to get it back.

Yes, uh, except I don't know where Liam Neeson lives.

I do.

Good grief, man, I thought you left.

No way. I'm not leaving my best friend's party.

Okay, we'll unpack that later.

You know where Liam lives?

Oh, yeah, huge pickle guy.

I deliver to him all the time.

But you need to drive. I Rollerbladed here.

Oh, I bet that would taste terrific

if we could physically interact with food.

Uh-oh.

Here comes Stinky Pete. [chuckles]

Watch out for those Livings, chap.

It does smell terrible

when they walk through him. [laughs]

[laughing]: Yep, I am repulsive.

Can I talk to you for a quick sec, Isaac?

Of course. Nigel, excuse me.

Yes.

Look, I am more than happy to help a friend,

but Nigel will find out eventually.

It's just...

[whispers]: It's so embarrassing.

I mean, what if I tell him and he doesn't like me anymore?

Well, then there are plenty of other fish in the sea.

Okay, not plenty, but there is that one other guy.

And I don't know what Thor means when he talks

about "boat rules," but that sounds...

-Oh, my God, please stop talking. -Okay.

How did that floozy get to heaven and not me?

She's the adulterer, she brought shame on my home.

Hetty, maybe her being here is an opportunity.

You mean for me to push her down the stairs?

That is not bad, Samantha.

She would heal instantly,

but it would be fun to watch her tumble.

No, I mean an opportunity

for you to get closure.

By forgiving her.

Who knows? Maybe it could even help you to move on.

Forgiveness? Closure?

I'm sorry, the words are ridiculous enough,

but coming from someone in that wig,

I simply cannot.

ALBERTA: Probably just as well.

I don't really think Molly wants any part

of talking to Hetty either.

In the cult, when two people had a problem, we'd lock them

in a room together until they worked it out.

Or killed each other,

but these two are already dead, so we're golden.

We can't lock 'em in a room, Flower.

They're ghosts, they'll just walk out through the walls.

Wait, there is one room in this house

with walls they can't walk through.

Can one of you walk through the door and see what's in there?

I'll do it. A Pinecone Trooper's always up for an adventure.

[grunting] Oh, Peter!

I've never seen that happen before.

[gasps] The vault.

Thanks for coming down here, guys.

I dropped an earring earlier, and I need help looking for it.

But all your jewelry is so cheap.

Why even bother?

[gasps]

Wait, what's she doing in here?

What's going on, Samantha?

Okay, there is no earring.

I just think you guys should talk.

-They're in. -No, no, no, wait, Flower!

No, no, no, no!

Oh, boy.

Ah! Oh, sweetie.

Sam's inside.

You just locked her in.

Was that not the plan?

Go!

[grunting]

The handle's made from

a different material than the door!

We need help.

I'll go get Sam.

She'll know what to do.

It's honestly shocking she lived as long as she did.

How are we not able to go through the wall?

Because your former lover

for some reason built this vault

out of a material impenetrable to ghosts.

And impenetrable to cell service apparently.

Oh, God. I could die in here. I could actually die.

You can make any situation about you.

Meanwhile, I am stuck down here with someone

whose company I do not enjoy.

How long do you think it took Elias

to suffocate? MOLLY: That's Elias?

-His actual body? -Yes, and why haven't you removed him yet?

We're trying to space out our corpse removals.

Do you think it was painful, his death in here?

I like to fantasize that it was agonizing,

full of misery and pain.

His hungry lungs crying out

for air that would not come.

Or...

perhaps it was lovely.

Oh, God.

[lively chatter]

JAY: Wow.

This is like Jedi money.

What the hell is this?

I don't know, man, it looks like a cornichon.

This isn't one of mine.

So this is how I find out.

Okay.

I'm gonna go find June and Ally.

Have fun.

L-Liam?

Flower, what were you thinking?

Why did you lock Sam inside there, too?

I don't know, I got confused.

I'm Flower.

Unfortunately that's hard to argue with.

Oh, Trevor, any luck texting Jay?

No, the iPad's in a drawer.

Poke I can do, but pull?

That thing might as well be in Fort Knox.

How long till Sam runs out of air?

Has anyone ever seen someone suffocate? No.

Does strangling count?

Only take couple of minutes, but very tough on thumbs.

Okay, that took a dark turn.

[lively chatter]

June! Ally! Wow, what a surprise.

What, what are you doing here?

Well, it's a funny story.

I need that feather duster back.

Like, right now?

You got an antique feather duster emergency?

I do, Ally. Very well put.

Can I give it back to you after the party?

It, it just kind of completes my costume.

I wish that worked for me.

Do you know how weird you're being right now?

All too well.

Sorry, thank you, and, uh...

hang soon, all right. [whoops]

[chuckles] Excuse me.

Are these Elias's claw marks?

That doesn't seem good.

Your plan was to lock me in here

with my husband's seductress?

Wait, you think I seduced him?

Of course I do. He was rich, from a powerful family.

And you were... Irish.

Well, he pursued me.

And I wasn't interested, but...

I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything.

-Power dynamics. -What?

Should really be conserving oxygen right now, but here goes.

Elias was in a position of power

over Molly, which he knew, and I'm sure you needed that job.

Yes. I had a child to feed.

And my husband had perished at the mill.

Our mill? [smacks lips]

I... did not know that.

But I guess I can't blame you for hating me.

He was your husband and your cousin.

-Mm. -And you loved him.

Ha! I didn't love him.

I married him because my father had to close a land deal.

I quite disliked him.

You see? You were both victims of Elias.

-No. -No, that is just the way things were.

But the way things were was wrong.

You shouldn't be mad at each other when the real culprit

is right there.

Both of you were stuck in a patriarchal system

that pitted women against each other,

because holding a man accountable wasn't an option.

[groans] We get it, you're a feminist.

But...

...you may have a point.

Thank you.

So...

you hated him, too?

Hated him?

-I despised him. -Oh.

Did you know I sent him to hell?

-Did you? That's wonderful. -Mm-hmm.

I hope he didn't give you syphilis.

Nope. I gave him syphilis.

[Hetty chuckling] Oh, that's sweet.

[laughs]

JAY: Babe!

I got the feather duster.

I alienated June and Ally for good,

but I got to see what kind of cheese Liam Neeson likes,

so that's cool.

Babe, where are you?

Okay, Thor, now do your thing.

We got to get him to the hidden entrance to the vault.

[Thorfinn grunting]

JAY: Thorfinn?

Is that you

or 100-year-old wiring?

Thor growing... weary.

Uh, do you want me to go to the powder room?

Okay, thank you, Spooky Lassie.

Ah, it's working!

Okay, I'm in here.

Now what?

[overlapping shouting]

Ah, the mirror.

[all groaning, clamoring] I get it.

No Pants can write me a message

if I fog it up.

Okay, I guess that will work, too.

[water running] This is gonna take a minute.

You guys want to hear about Liam's cheeses?

"Sam safe." Great!

Thanks, ghosts, I was starting to getting worried.

"Sam safe"?!

It was shorter than "vault." I was trying to be succinct.

Flick the lights again, Thor!

[grunting]

Thor out of juice.

Aw, we have to get him back in there, or Sam's gonna die!

Hold your noses, everyone.

Nigel, I'm sorry. Aah!

[all gasp]

[groans]

JAY:Oh, man!

[groans] I know that smell.

That's Isaac.

Wait a minute.

Is there something else you need to tell me?

-THORFINN: Yes, finally! -FLOWER: Hurry!

You're Stinky Pete?

Yes.

Stinky Pete is I.

Okay, not the most pressing, but it feels like

we can retire the nickname now.

"Sam in safe." [gasps]

-Sam's in the safe?! -Yes.

Her breathing seems labored.

I am rooting for you, Samantha, but, on the other hand,

it would be nice to spend eternity together.

Sort of a win-win situation.

[grunting]

-Jay, thank God! -Don't worry.

I got you.

You okay? What are you doing in the vault?

Ghost thing.

How did you find me?

Ghost thing.

Okay, we have three minutes till midnight, let's do this.

I guess this is goodbye.

It is amazing, you know.

That the one Irish person I truly took

the time to get to know

is also the only decent one.

I'm not sure that's the right takeaway here.

It's progress, let her have it.

I don't blame you if you want to end things.

Isaac, I don't want to end things.

I am disappointed you felt you couldn't be honest with me.

But I think your power is impressive.

You can still affect worldly matters.

And you're my date.

Not bad for a skinny Brit with webbed feet.

[laughs]

"Webbed feet"? Good one, Nigel.

Yes.

Could you imagine?

[both laughing]

We're sure we're making the right decision?

-I mean, they're good now. -Let's do this.

-Are you ready? -JAY: Yeah, uh...

-got the duster. -Okay.

BOTH: Spirit, spirit, listen clear.

From the beyond, leave us here.

[gasps]

Take me with you!

I've changed!

Let me ride you while you get sucked off!

Don't leave me here with these peasants!

Take me with you!

[mutters]

-Peasants? -Wow.

-Rude. -Really?

Oh, get over it.

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Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org