Original subtitles

(TH EME MUSIC P LAYI N G)

You look sma rt, Mr Blackadder. Goi ng somewhere n ice?

N o. I' m off to the theatre.

- Don't you li ke it, then? - N o, I don't!

A lot of stu pid actors, strutti ng a rou nd,

shouti ng with thei r chests th rust out so fa r you 'd th I n k thei r n I pples

were attached to a pa I r of cha rg I ng elepha nts!

And the worst th I ng a bout it is havi ng to go with Pri nce Mi n i-bra I n!

What, doesn't he li ke it either?

Oh, no, he loves it.

The problem is he doesn't rea lise it's made u p.

Last yea r, when Brutus was a bout to ki ll J u li us Caesa r,

the Pri nce yelled out " Look beh I nd you, Mr Caesa r! "

I ca n't see the poi nt I n the theatre.

All that sex a nd violence. I get enoug h of that at home.

Apa rt from the sex, of cou rse.

And wh I le we're out, Ba ld rick,

I wa nt you to g ive th is pa lace a good clea n.

It's so d I rty, it wou ld be u naccepta ble to a d u ng beetle

that had lost I nterest I n its ca reer a nd rea lly let itself go.

G EO RG E: Come a long, Blackadder! We'll m iss the fi rst act!

Com I ng, si r, as fast as I ca n!

Stick the kettle on, Ba ld rick.

N ow, si r, g ive I th is advice to thee.

N ever, never, never trust th I ne enemy!

(CRYI N G OUT)

(CRYI N G OUT D RAMATICAL)

Thy life is forfeit!

(G ROANI N G)

Thy life is forfeit, si r, a nd at a n end.

Li ke ou r poor play. We hope it pleased you, friend.

Certa I n ly not, you m u rderi ng rotter! Gua rds, a rrest that ma n!

H ig h ness, it's on ly a play!

Oh, well, that's a ll very well,

but what a bout the poor fellow who's dead?

Sayi ng "It's on ly a play" wi ll not feed

a nd clothe the little ones he leaves beh I nd!

Ca ll the m I litia!

But, si r, he's not dead ! See, he sta nds, awa iti ng you r a ppla use.

Oh, I see, that's very clever!

I thoug ht he was rea lly dead . Bravo ! Bravo!

Blast! The Pri nce li kes it.

Oh, sh it. We'll close ton ig ht!

(WOMAN SCREAMI N G)

Work for the weavers! Smash the Spi n n I ng Jen ny!

Bu rn the Rolli ng Rosa li nd!

Destroy the Goi ng U p a nd Down a Bit a nd then Movi ng Along Gertrude!

And death to the stu pid Pri nce

who g rows fat on the profits!

I say, how exciti ng!

Th is play's getti ng better a nd better! Bravo!

B LACKAD D ER: It's not a play a ny more, si r.

Put the bom b down a nd ma ke you r way q u ietly to the exit.

Blackadder, you old th I ng.

You r trou ble is you ca n't tell when someth I ng's rea I a nd when it's not!

I'm ust say, Blackadder, that was a close shave.

Why on ea rth wou ld a n a na rch ist possi bly wa nt to ki ll you?

I th I n k it m ig ht've been you he was after, si r.

Oh, hogwash ! What on ea rth ma kes you say that?

Well my suspicions were fi rst a roused by h is use of the words,

" Death to the stu pid pri nce. "

That was a bit rude, wasn't it?

These a re volati le ti mes, You r H ig h ness.

The America n Revolution lost you r father the colon ies,

the French Revolution m u rdered brave Ki ng Lou is,

a nd there a re tremendous ru m bli ngs I n Prussia,

a lthoug h that m ig ht be someth I ng to do with the sa usages.

The whole world cries out " Peace, freedom,

"a nd a few less fat basta rds eati ng a ll the pie ! "

Well, yes, q u ite. Someth I ng m ust be done. Any ideas?

Yes, si r. N ext week it is you r roya I father's bi rthday celebrations.

I suggest that I write a bri llia nt speech for you to recite

to show the oppressed masses how u n usua lly sensitive you a re.

(S P LUTTERI N G)

Well, tell me a bout these oppressed masses,

I mea n, what a re they so worked u p a bout?

They're worked u p, si r, beca use they a re so poor

they a re forced to have ch I ld ren

si m ply to provide a chea p a lternative to tu rkey at Ch ristmas.

Disease a nd deprivation sta lk ou r la nd li ke two g ia nt sta lki ng th I ngs.

And the worki ng ma n is poised to overth row us.

Oh, my God, a nd here he is!

Don't be si lly, si r, that's Ba ld rick, my dogsbody.

What's si lly a bout that? H e looks li ke a n oppressed mass to me.

Get h I m out of here at once!

Shoo, Ba ld rick! Ca rry on with you r clea n I ng elsewhere.

And by the end of ton ig ht, I wa nt that d I n I ng ta ble so clea n

I cou ld eat my d I n ner off it.

Cri key, Blackadder!

I' m d ici ng with death here!

The sooner I ca n show how u n usua lly sensitive I a m, the better.

(BU RPI N G) Oh!

I've j ust had a nother bri llia nt thoug ht!

Another one, You r H ig h ness?

Yes, a nother one actua lly. You remem ber that one I had a bout

wea ri ng u nderwea r on the outside to save on la u nd ry bi lls.

Oh, but th is ti me, I' m th I n ki ng to myself,

" H ello, why don't we ask those two actor cha ppies

"we saw ton ig ht to teach me how to recite you r speech. " Bri llia nt, eh?

N o, You r H ig h ness, feeble.

What?

I wou ld advise aga I nst it. It's a feeble idea.

Well, tish a nd pish to you r advice, Blackadder.

Get them here at once!

Da m n it, I' m fed u p with you treati ng me li ke I' m some ki nd of a th icky!

It's not me that's th ick, it's you ! And do you know why?

Beca use I' m a bloody pri nce a nd you're on ly a butler.

N ow go get those actors th is m I n ute, Mr Th icky- Black-Th icky-Adder-Th icky!

Mrs Migg I ns, I' m looki ng for a cou ple of actors.

Well, you've come to the rig ht place, Mr B.

There's more Sha kespea rea n d ia log ue I n here tha n there a re bu ns.

All my lovely actors pop I n on thei r way to rehea rsa I

for a little cu p of coffee, a nd a big dollop of I nspi ration!

You mea n they actua lly rehea rse?

I thoug ht they j ust got d ru n k, stuck on a si lly hat,

a nd trusted to luck.

Oh, no!

There's ever so m uch ha rd work that goes I nto

the wonderfu I mag ic that is theatre today!

Sti ll, I don't expect you 'd know m uch a bout that, bei ng on ly a little butler.

They do say, Mrs M, that verba I I nsu lts h u rt more tha n physica I pa I n.

They a re, of cou rse, wrong, as you wi ll soon d iscover

when I stick th is toasti ng fork I n you r head.

MOSSO P: Lad ies a nd gentlemen,

wi ll you please welcome, Mr David Kea n rick!

- (CH EERI N G) Gentlemen ! -And the fa bu lous Mr Enoch Mossop.

Settle down, settle down.

I' m sorry, no a utog ra phs, please.

My usua I, Mrs M.

Oh, com I ng u p, my lovely!

Well, if I ca n j ust sq ueeze th roug h th is ad m I ri ng ra bble.

Gentlemen, I've come with a proposition.

H ow da re you, si r!

You th I n k j ust beca use we're actors, we sleep with everyone!

I th I n k, bei ng actors, you ' re lucky to sleep with a nyone.

I come here on beha if of my em ployer, to ask for some elocution lessons.

I fea r, si r, that is q u ite I m possi ble.

We a re I n the m idd le of rehea rsi ng ou r new play.

We cou ld not possi bly betray ou r beloved a ud ience by ta ki ng ti me off.

Oh, no. Mustn't u pset the pu nters.

Bu ms on seats, ladd ie, bu ms on seats.

And what play is th is?

It is a piece we pen ned ou rselves,

ca lled The BIoody urder of the Foul Prince Romero

and His Enormous-Bosomed Wife.

A ph I losoph ica I work, then?

Indeed yes, si r.

The violence of the m u rder, a nd the vastness of the bosom

a re enti rely j ustified a rtistica lly.

Rig ht. Well, I'll tell the Pri nce that you ca n't ma ke it.

- Pri nce? -Sorry, yes. Did n't I mention that?

It's the Pri nce Regent. Sha me you ca n't ma ke it.

Sti ll, there you go.

Oh, no, no, no, no, si r, please, no, please wa it, si r.

Off, off!

Si r, I th I n k we ca n fi nd some ti me, do you not, Mr Kea n rick?

Defi n itely, Mr Mossop.

N o, no, you've got you r beloved a ud ience to th I n k a bout.

Oh, sod the proles!

Yes, worth less basta rds to a ma n.

It's n ice to see a rtistic I nteg rity th rivi ng so strong ly

I n the acti ng com m u n ity.

Well, th is afternoon at 4:00 then, at the pa lace.

Well, what do you th I n k?

Are you I ll or someth I ng?

N o, I' m si m ply tryi ng to look more li ke a n actor.

Well, I' m su re you don't need the fa lse moustache.

- N o? - N o.

(SCREAMI N G I N PAI N )

Egads, it's that oppressed mass aga I n!

(BALD RICK G ROANI N G)

N o, si r, that is Ba ld rick, spri ng-clea n I ng.

Oh, yes, so it is.

- Fi n ish the job later, Ba ld rick. -Very well, si r.

The clea n I ng or the bei ng stra ng led?

Either su its me.

Look, Blackadder, th is is a ll getti ng a bit ha I ry, isn't it?

I mea n, a re you su re we ca n even trust these acti ng fellows?

The last ti me we went to the theatre, th ree of them m u rdered J u li us Caesa r!

And one of them was h is best friend, Brutus.

As I've told you a bout eig ht ti mes,

the ma n playi ng J u li us Caesa r was a n actor, ca lled Kem p!

- Rea lly? -Yes!

Th u nderi ng g herki ns, well,

Brutus m ust've been pretty m iffed when he fou nd out.

What?

That he had n't ki lled Caesa r after a ll, j ust some poxy actor ca lled Kem p!

I wonder d id he go a rou nd to Caesa r's place

after the play a nd ki ll h I m then?

Oh, God. It's pathetic!

(KN OCKI N G LOU D )

(KN OCKI N G LOU D )

Is that the door?

Oh, don't worry, it's j ust the actors.

(KN OCKI N G)

-My u ncle Ba ld rick was I n a play once. - Rea lly?

-Yea h, it was ca lled acbeth. - (KN OCKI N G)

And what d id he play?

Second cod piece.

Macbeth wore h I m I n the fig ht scenes.

- (KN OCKI N G) -So he was a stu nt cod piece?

Yes.

Did he have a la rge pa rt?

Depends who was playi ng Macbeth.

Oh, I ncidenta lly Ba ld rick, actors a re very su perstitious.

On no accou nt mention the word "Macbeth " th is even I ng, a lrig ht.

Why not?

It bri ngs them bad luck, a nd it ma kes them very u n ha ppy.

Oh. So you won't be mention I ng it either.

N o.

-Well, not very often . - (KN OCKI N G)

You shou ld have knocked.

Ou r knocks, you I m perti nent butler,

were loud enoug h to wa ke the hou nds of hell!

- Lead on, Macd uff. -I sha ll.

Lest you conti n ue I n you r q uotation,

a nd mention the na me of the Scottish play.

Oh, never fea r, I sha n't do that!

By the Scottish play, I assu me you mea n. .. acbeth.

BOTH : Ah h ! H ot potato, orchestra sta lls, pluck wi ll ma ke a mends! Ow!

What was that?

We were exorcisi ng evi I spi rits.

Bei ng but a mere butler,

you wi ll not know the g reat theatre trad ition

that one does never spea k the na me of the Scottish play.

-What, acbeth? - BOTH : Arg h!

H ot potato, orchestra sta lls, pluck wi ll ma ke a mends! Ow!

You mea n you have to do that every ti me I say acbeth?

BOTH : Ah h ! H ot potato, orchestra sta lls, pluck wi ll ma ke a mends! Ow!

Wi ll you please stop sayi ng that!

Always ca ll it "the Scottish play. "

So you wa nt me to say "the Scottish play"?

- BOTH : Yes! - Rather tha n "acbeth "?

BOTH : Ah h ! H ot potato, orchestra sta lls, pluck wi ll ma ke a mends! Ow!

For heaven's sa ke, what is a ll th is h u lla ba loo?

All th is shouti ng a nd screa m I ng a nd yelli ng blue m u rder?

Why, it's li ke that play we saw the other day.

-What was it ca lled? Er.. . -acbeth, si r?

BOTH : Ah h ! H ot potato, orchestra sta lls, pluck wi ll ma ke a mends! Ow!

N o, no, it was ca lled julius Caesar.

Ah, yes, of cou rse. julius Caesar.

N ot acbeth.

BOTH : Ah h ! H ot potato, orchestra sta lls, pluck wi ll ma ke a mends! Ow!

Are you su re you wa nt these people to stay?

Of cou rse ! I asked them, d id n't I? Mr Th icky Butler!

You r Roya I H ig h ness, may I say

what a g reat honou r it is to be I nvited here.

-Why, certa I n ly! -Tha n k you.

What a g reat honou r that it is to be I nvited here to ma ke merry I n the ha lls

of ou r Ki ng's loi ns' most g lorious outpou ri ngs.

Ug h!

N ow, You r H ig h ness, sha ll we beg I n stra ig htaway?

Absolutely, yes, now I've got th is u h ...

N ow si r, before we I nspect the scri pt,

let us have a look at sta nce.

Rig ht.

Yes. N ow, the ord I na ry fellow sta nds li ke, well, as you do now.

Whereas you r hero...

Sta nds th us.

Rig ht. I see, sort of li ke th is?

Excellent, You r H ig h ness. Even more so.

More li ke that?

(CREAKI N G)

What was that noise?

It wasn't me!

We a re used to sta nd I ng I n th is position.

(CREAKI N G)

It ca me from over here.

-Ana rch ist! -Clea ner!

Alrig ht, so you've had a wash, that's no excuse!

- Die, tra itor! -Arg h!

Si r, that is Ba ld rick, spri ng clea n I ng.

Ru bbish ! Look, he's got a bom b!

It's not a bom b, si r, it's a sponge.

Oh, yes, so it is.

Well, get it out of here at once, before it explodes.

N ow then, sta nce, I' m sorry a bout that, I th I n k we rea lly had someth I ng there.

Oh, yes, You r H ig h ness.

Why, you r very postu re tells me, " H ere is a ma n of true g reatness! "

Either that or, " H ere a re my gen ita ls. Please kick them. "

Si r, I rea lly m ust ask that th is I ll-ed ucated oaf

be removed from the room.

Yes, get out, si r!

You r presence here is as usefu I as fi ne bone ch I na

at a tea pa rty for d ru n ken elepha nts!

Is that rig ht?

Well, yes, ha ng it a ll, get out, Blackadder, a nd stop corki ng ou r j u ices!

Certa I n ly, You r H ig h ness. I'll leave you to d ri bble I n private.

(CLATTERI N G)

Someth I ng wrong, Mr B?

I've j ust a bout had it u p to here with that Pri nce!

One more I nsu it a nd I'll be ha nd I ng I n my notice!

Ooh, does that mea n I'll be butler?

N ot u n less some ki nd ly passi ng su rgeon

cuts you r head open with a spade a nd sticks a new bra I n I n it!

Oh, rig ht.

I don't know why I put u p with it, I rea lly don't!

Every yea r at the Gu I ld of Butlers Ch ristmas pa rty,

I' m the one who has to wea r the red nose a nd the poi nty hat

for wi n n I ng the "Who's Got the Stu pidest Master" com petition!

All I ca n say is, he'd better watch out!

One more foot wrong, a nd the contract between us

wi ll be as broken as th is m I lk j ug.

But that m I lk j ug isn't broken.

You rea lly do wa lk I nto these th I ngs, don't you?

Excellent! And now, si r, at last, the speech.

Rig ht. (CLEARI N G TH ROAT)

- (CLEARI N G TH ROAT) - N o, no, no, no, no,

You r Roya I H ig h ness, what have you forgotten?

Oh, now look, if I sta nd a ny more heroica lly tha n th is,

I' m I n da nger of seriously d isa ppoi nti ng my futu re Queen!

N o, You r H ig h ness, not the sta nce,

the roa r!

You wa nt me to roa r?

Well of cou rse we wish you to roa r.

All g reat orators roa r before com menci ng thei r speeches.

It is the way of th I ngs.

Mr Kea n rick, from you r Hamlet please.

(P RO LO N G ED) Oh, to be or not to be...

From you rjulius Caesar.

(P RO LO N G ED) Oh, friends, Roma ns, cou ntrymen ...

From you r lead I ng cha racter I n a play con nected with Scotla nd?

That's acbeth, isn't it?

BOTH : Ah h ! H ot potato, orchestra sta lls, pluck wi ll ma ke a mends! Ow!

(WHIMP ERI N G)

Enoug h!

Let's a ll roa r together, sha ll we? One, two, th ree...

ALL: (YELLI N G) Oh!

Excellent, You r H ig h ness!

N ow sha ll we try putti ng it a ll together?

Rig ht.

(YELLI N G) Wha!

(N O RMAL VOICE) U naccustomed as I a m ...

Alas, I fea r you mew it li ke a frig htened tree.

May I see the speech? Tha n k you.

- (GU FFAWI N G) -Oh, no, no, no!

(LAUG HI N G CRU EL)

Who wrote th is d rivel?

Is there a problem with the speech?

- Problem ! - (BOTH S NICKERI N G)

Well, yes! There is a problem, actua lly!

The problem is that you wrote it,

Mr H opelessly- Drivelly-Ca n 't- Write- For-Toffee- Cra ppy- Butler-Weed!

Whoops.

BALD RICK: Sha ll I get thei r su pper, si r?

Yes! Prefera bly someth I ng that has fi rst passed

th roug h the d igestive system of a cat.

And you ' ll have to ta ke it u p you rself.

-Why? - Beca use I' m leavi ng, Ba ld rick!

I' m a bout to enter the job ma rket.

Rig ht, let's see. Situations vaca nt.

Mr a nd Mrs Pitt a re looki ng for a ba by m I nder

to ta ke Pitt the You nger to Pa rlia ment.

There's a fella ca lled George Stephenson who's I nvented a movi ng kettle,

a nd wa nts someone to help with the ma rketi ng.

Oh, a nd there's a foreig n opportu n ity here.

"Treacherous, ma licious, u n pri nci pled cad, prefera bly non-smoker,

"wa nted to be Ki ng of Sa rd I n ia.

" N o ti me-wasters, please. Na poleon Bona pa rte, PO Box 1 , Pa ris. "

Rig ht, we're on ou r way!

(ALL LAUG HI N G)

Oh, si r, a bout costu me. Any thoug hts?

Well, enormous trousers, certa I n ly! Erm ...

And then I thoug h, perha ps, a n ad m I ra I's u n iform,

beca use we know what a ll the n ice g I rls love, don't we?

(ALL LAUG HI N G)

I'll tell you what! Why don't I go a nd try them on for you?

Oh, a su per idea!

Erm, help you rself to wi ne.

You ' ll need a stiff d ri n k when you see the size of these da m n trousers!

(LAUG HI N G)

Oh, my dea r, what a g hastly even I ng!

You're so rig ht, love.

Look, wh I le he's gone,

why don't we have a q u ick read th roug h

of The urder of Prince Romero and his Enormously Bosomed Wife.

-Act 1 , scene 1 ? -Mm m, yea h.

"Spri ng has come with a ll its gentle showers.

"Meth I n ks 'tis ti me to hack the Pri nce to death. "

Ba ld rick, I wou ld li ke to say how m uch I wi ll m iss

you r honest a nd friend ly com pa n ionsh I p.

Oh, tha n k you, Mr B.

But as we both know, it wou ld be a n utter lie.

I wi ll therefore confi ne myself to sayi ng si m ply,

Sod off,

if I ever meet you aga I n, it'll be 20 bi llion yea rs too soon.

Good bye, you lazy, big nosed, ru bberfaced basta rd.

I fea r, Ba ld rick, that you wi ll soon be eati ng those bad ly-chosen words.

I wou ld n't bet you a si ng le g roat

that you cou ld su rvive five m I n utes here without me.

Oh, come on, Mr B, it's not as thoug h we're gon na get

m u rdered or a nyth I ng the m I n ute you leave, is it?

H ope spri ngs eterna I, Ba ld rick.

- (B ELL CLAN GI N G) -Com I ng!

MOSSO P: Oh ! Let's ki ll the Pri nce ! Who sha ll stri ke fi rst?

Let me, a nd let th is dagger's poi nt prick out h is soft eyeba ll,

a nd su p with g lee u pon its exq u isite jelly.

Have you the stomach?

I have not ki lled h I m yet, si r, but when I do,

I sha ll have the stomach a nd the liver, too.

And the floppi ly-doppi lies I n thei r horrid g lue.

What if a serva nt shou ld hea r us I n ou r plotti ng?

Ha ha!

Then sha ll we have serva nt sa usages for tea,

a nd serva nt rissoles sha ll ou r su pper be.

Mu rder! Mu rder! Mu rder!

-The revolution's sta rted ! -What?

A plot! A plot to ki ll you!

Ah ! So, you've come clea n at last, have you, you bloody little poor person!

N o, not me, the actors downsta I rs, they're a na rch ists!

-Ana rch ists? -Yea h, I hea rd them plotti ng!

They're gon na poke out you r liver, tu rn me I nto a rissole,

a nd then suck on you r exq u isite floppi ly-doppi lies!

What' re we gon na do?

Well, Mr Blackadder says

"When the goi ng gets toug h the toug h h ide u nder the ta ble. "

Blackadder, of cou rse ! Well, where is he?

Oh, he's I n Sa rd I n ia.

-What? Why? -Well, you were rude to h I m, so he left.

Oh, no, what a mad, blu nderi ng,

I ncred I bly ha ndsome you ng n I ncom poop I've been!

What' re we gon na do?

If we go downsta I rs, they'll chop us u p a nd eat us a live!

Oh, no. We're doomed ! Doomed ! Doomed!

- (FOOTSTEPS AP P ROACHI N G) -Sh h!

- (FOOTSTEPS G ETTI N G CLOS ER) - (WHIMP ERI N G)

(FOOTSTEPS STO P)

-Good even I ng, You r H ig h ness. -Oh, Blackadder!

Fou r m I n utes, 22 seconds, Ba ld rick. You owe me a g roat.

Tha n k God you're here. We desperately need you!

Me, si r? Mr Th icky- Black- Th icky-Adder-Th icky?

Oh, tish, nonsense!

-Mr H opelessly- Drivelly-Ca n 't-Write- For-Toffee-Cra ppy- Butler-Weed?

Yes, well...

Mr Bri llia ntly-U nderva lued- Butler- Who- Hasn 't- Had-A- Ra ise-In-A- Fortn ig ht?

Ta ke a n extra thousa nd? Gu I neas? Per month?

All rig ht. What's you r problem?

The actors have tu rned out to be vicious a na rch ists!

They I ntend to ki ll us a ll!

What, a re they gon na bore us to death?

N o, no, sta b us, Ba ld rick overhea rd them.

-I d id ! -Are you su re they mea nt it, si r?

Oh, q u ite su re ! Ba ld rick, how fa r a pa rt were thei r legs?

Oh, th is fa r!

-Yea h, a nd thei r n I pples? -That fa r!

They mea nt it, a lrig ht!

All rig ht, si r, I'll see what I ca n do.

To tortu re h I m I lust, let si nge h is ha I r,

a nd u p h is nostri ls hot ba na nas th rust.

Rehea rsa ls goi ng well, gentlemen?

Begone!

A mere butler with the I ntellectua I ca pacity of a sq uashed a pricot

ca n be of no use to us.

Indeed yes, si r.

You r pa rtici pation is as I rritati ng

as a potted cactus I n a mon key's pyja mas.

Well, I n that case, I won't I nterru pt you a ny longer.

Sorry to d istu rb, gentlemen.

Oh, Blackadder, tha n k God you're safe ! What ha ppened?

Si r, there was no need to pa n ic. It was a ll perfectly stra ig htforwa rd.

Well?

They're tra itors, si r.

They m ust be a rrested, bruta lly tortu red,

a nd executed forthwith.

Bravo!

But, You r H ig h ness, there's been a terri ble m ista ke!

That's what they were bou nd to say, si r.

But it was a play, si r! A play!

Look, a ll the words you hea rd written down on that pa per!

Textbook stuff aga I n, you see.

The cri m I na I's va n ity a lways ma kes 'em ma ke one ti ny but fata I'm ista ke.

Thei rs was to have thei r enti re conspi racy

pri nted a nd pu blished I n play ma n uscri pt form.

-Ta ke them away! - (GAS PI N G)

-We beg for mercy! -Mercy, please si r!

I've on ly got one th I ng to say to you. acbethl

BOTH : Ah h ! H ot potato, orchestra sta lls, pluck wi ll ma ke a mends! Ow!

Acbethl

Well done, Bladder! H ow ca n I ever tha n k you?

Well you ca n sta rt by not ca lli ng me Bladder, si r.

Acbethl

Of cou rse, Bladder. N o sooner sa id tha n done, a nd no ha rd feeli ngs?

Absolutely none, si r. It's good to be back I n the sadd le.

Did I say sadd le? I mea nt ha rness.

Bravo ! So we're the best of friends, as ever we were!

-Absolutely, si r. - H u rra h!

In fact, now that the evi I Mossop a nd Kea n rick have got thei r comeu ppa nce,

the Dru ry La ne Theatre is free.

I thoug ht we m ig ht celebrate by stag I ng a little play that I've written.

Oh, what a n excellent idea!

And with my newfou nd acti ng ski lls,

m ig ht there be a pa rt I n it for me, do you th I n k?

I was hopi ng that you m ig ht play the title role, si r.

What a roa ri ng ly good idea ! What's the play ca lled?

Thick jack CIot Sits in the Stocks and Gets Pelted with Rancid Tomatoes.

Excellent!