Original subtitles

Scalpel

I cannot believe they let you in medical school

Neither can I

Melon bowler

MELON BOWLER

Pete, I gotta tell ya

no, don't tell me now I'm busy

Busy ? The cat's in the cradle, Pete

before you know it I'll be all grown up

Berg, my big presentation to the museum board is tonight

Now if they choose my design, it will actually get built

most architects, when they graduate, they only have a bunch of blueprints

I am going to have a 12,000 square foot r�sum�

Man, you're gonna need one hell of a manila envelope !

Alright ! What's in the box ?

I think I found my calling with medicine

ah, good for you

you should've seen the girls watching me buy this stuff

med's school is all about love and toys

Berg, as long as you're in it for the right reasons

Socrates, meet guy with removable brain !

Removable brain, meet Pete

nice haircut !

10:30 am taking six dose of Invactolab experimental allergesic

this time I'm hoping "milk" will improve the taste

it doesn't

don't you think it's time to stope these experiments !

Hey ! Accessories don't come cheap unless you forget, I'm a doctor

You're not a doctor

then how come I have one of these ?

Why do you need a beeper ?

Image Pete, it's so important

ok Berg, I have a whole stack of mill cards to go over before tonight, so ...

you know ! The brain is like a gas tank when it's full, it's full

you know this stuff speak from passion, not, from cards

what the hell is the matter with you ?

Trust me, I'm your doctor

YOU'RE NOT A DOCTOR

ok, Berg, look I'm not an architecture for the beeper and the babes, ok ?

You and this, this med school is gonna last for what ? Six weeks !

Then you're gonna go on to forestry because you think you look good in green !

I do !

Berg look, you're not fooling anyone

you're having a hard time accepting the fact that there're a new kid in town

a dedicated kid, a kid named "Doctor Bergin"

well, I guess you're gonna have to get used to it buddy cause he's here to stay !

I really had no place to go !

Watch, as I make the incision being carefull not to tear the interstitial fiber or in this case the canadian bacon !

I couldn't be more proud

spatula

Dr. Berg to table 4, stat !

Damn it Pete, I'm a doctor not a waiter

you know, El and I always dreamed to have a son who becomes a doctor

Bill ! What about an architect ?

Well, I've already got a building I need free medical

ok, yeah, see ya then

who's that ?

My boss you wanna join us ?

No, I can't Sharon, I have my big presentation tonight

oh yeah, that's great, you're gonna do great

oh, you think ?

I donno I've got my own mess to deal with

My company is manufacturing this new pesticide we claim it kills bugs faster

but the research shows that it takes the same amount of time for them to die !

My boss wants ME to detroy the evidence is that wrong ?

Who cares as long as they're dead !

What are you gonna crusade to end bug suffering ?

You know Sharon, I learnd in my PCM class that's, ah, Preparation for Clinical Medicine

that full disclosure is the foundation of a strong patient-doctor relationship

now, I believe the same holds true in business you have an ethical duty to tell the truth

Sharon, you work for a chemical company you have no ethics

Berg's right, I'm blowing the whistle

wait, wait, you're not gonna actually listen to him

well !

Wait wait, this is Berg, the same guy who wanted to put a bat hole between our appartments !

Yeah but now he's a doctor

trying the powder with root beer

Sorry, oh God I have this terrible caugh it started at my head and now it's moving to my chest

you should go see a doctor

somebody say "doctor" ?

I don't think so ...

This thing does not give you a license to grope my girlfriend

Peter, I am shocked I'm in the profession of healing mister !

This is my job

now Melissa

if would kindly disrobe down to your socks ! No

Berg, is this milk bad ?

Hey, like, like I don't know if mild is bad ? Ok

smells good to me

am I the only one that knows what's going on here ?

You are not alone my friend !

I was once the favorite everyone looked up to me

showing off all of his fancy gadgets to all my friends I was just a pull-string cowboy, how could I compete ?

To infinity and beyond my ass

ok, I gotta get outta here, Bill

you think I can get the afternoon off ?

Actually Bill, I could really use the afternoon off myself !

What're you doing ? I have to practice my presentation

I'm helping you, remember ?

Your tank over fills, all of a sudden knowledge is spilling out all over the place

well, I need one of you !

Alright look, Bill, my big presentation is tonight I just need a few more hours to practice

I'm telling you if I get this...

look, this one moment could decide my entire future

I have a quiz

Ok Berg, see you tomorrow

late, late, I'm late

what're doing ? I thought you were studying !

I am

you're watching "general hospital" !

I'm studying "general hopital" I'm trying to get the walk down

check out how Dr. Scanlen moves in slow, confident steps

he lets the beeper show under his lab coat

notice the head tilt

Felica, a drink after surgery ?

See right there, that's stuff you can't learn from a book

I can't believe I had to cover for you, and you're up here screwing around

I already finish studying for my exam you wanna know why ?

Don't say your brain is full

my brain, is full

Berg, look, you can't just walk throught medical school all fancy bree It takes dedication and commitment to become a doctor

I'm sorry, I.. I thought you just said "fancy free" !

You know what, you're hopeless

you know Pete, a tip from your doctor eating quickly, bad for the digestion

well, lucky for me you're not a doctor

Pete, help me help you

Berg, look, I'm beyond help, ok ? I'm gonna go into that presentation and crash like the hindenburg

wow wow wow wow just relax for a sec

take a deep breath you always say how your stuff didn�t do any good

and how it�s a complete disaster but it always turns out great

so tonight, I need you to go in there and show those people what I already know

hey, that you ...

rock

I rock ?

Thanks Berg

thank�s nothing now go get�em you psychopath

5:45 I�ve found that the orange juice makes the alergy�s powder more palabel

PETE

5:46 my roomate has just injested 400 times the daily dosage in just under 20 seconds

this will most likely be fatal

for me !

Listen, I might, have, poisoned my friend and, I need to know the side effects

it�s a medical emergency no, don�t put me on hold, don�t put me on ...

and away, my beautiful, my beautiful

baloon

so, I�m at our monthly coord meeting and the CEO is at the head of the table

I stand up and I tell them that I have proof that their bugs die in six seconds just like they always have !

Room go silent

then the CEO stands up, and you know what he says �3 seconds, 6 seconds, who cares, they�re bugs�

everyone, laughed at me

so I just came over to thank you for personally guiding me into the most humiliating moment of my life !

Hold that thought, I may have poisoned Pete !

Yeah, go ahead, so possible side-effects are ... sweating, stammering and ...

I�m sorry !?

He may become delusional

well, what the hell kind of side-effect is delusional ?

Haven�t you people ever heard of �diarrhea� ?

You poisoned Pete ?

And he just left to go do his big presentation

ah, that is so unfair

I know

on the one day I could really hate you, Pete steals my thunder !

Don�t be mad at Pete

well said

huh, top that, zero

do I know you ?

Peter Dunville

here

you�re next

ok

you�re welcome

I, I mean, uh, thanks

I, I mean thanks for welcoming me

- you�re welcome - thanks

oh, thank God at least he got here

we have to stop�m

no, come on, calm down they said they were only possible side-effects

psssst, Pete

would you excuse me for just a moment ?

Yes of course I live to wait

what are you guys doing here ?

Well, I, I, I thought we come down to observe you

he means lend our support

Mr. Dunville before my bones turn to dust !

Ladies, g.. Gentelmen distingushed museum trusties

in reviewing ...

I�m sor..., is it hot in here ?

No

oh God, he�s sweating what, what kinda doctor am I ?

He�s pete, he sweats

and you�re NOT a doctor

- where was I ? - At the begining

now, my.. My.. My intent was to accent the axile design with more modern mills .. More modern memelist ..

Sorry

ah.. A more medelist

just new and simple

- stammering - nervous

well, he should have prepared more

now the.. The.. The.. Front of the building ... I�m sorry

ok, I see.. I see.. Huge crazy shapes, alright a.. A.. And a giant Jake in the box

Jake in the box ?

Yeah, yeah, a giant Jake in the box th.. Th.. That�ll pop up and greet the visitors

a..a.. It�s coned head, swing two storied high

and oh, it�ll say something like, like ...

�hoa hoa hoa, hello boys and girls�

oh great, he�s delusional ok, take him down

okay, that�s it, enough

what�re doing ?

- I�m saving you - no, you�re really not

- yes, I am - excuse me !

I�m sorry I�m this man�s doctor

you�re not a doctor he�s not a doctor

Mr. Dunville has accidently injested a medication which is causing the �delusional� behavior you�re witnessing

I don�t even know this guy ! But, with the exitment that the Jake in the box is causing, it�s infectious

Pete, believe me, every second counts you drank my alergezik medication

you�re sweating, you�re stammering, you�re delusional !

You don�t know what you�re talking about Berg I�m just a little nervous

oh yeah ? Then what kind of museum has a huge jack in the box ?

And stupid voices goin �hello boys and girls�?

A children�s museum ?!

What ?

This is for a, children�s museum, Berg

oh

but, but, you drank the orange juice

I hate the orange juice, Berg I drank the grape fruit juice so who drank the orange juice ?

- Oh - Oh

so, I�m the one who�s delusional !?

Thank God, I thought it was me

well, doctors this explains a great deal

it turns out that I injested my own �mededation�

�medication�

Pete, what are you doing here ?

Sharon, he�s ruining my presentation he�s ruining my presentation

yes, we�re all aware of that

we�ll be going

are you sure you don�t want to spin plates as a finale ?

- Listen pal, I�ve had a really bad day - join the club

hey, you wanna piece of me, huh ?

Captain�s log, stardate, 6-4-4-1 the Klingons have surrounded us in our attempt to abord the enterprise

Kirk out

Mr. Sulu, take us to worp factor

nice dress

BERG

Klingons bones

idiot

Berg, get out here, right now

Scotty, beam me up, now !

Wait here I�ll send help

you�re doing great Pete

ok, now that I got your attention

- I screwed up big time - finally, an accurate diagnosis

look, maybe this doctor thing isn�t such a good idea

what responsible physician leaves unmarked medicine in the refrigerator !

Berg, you�re not a physician, you�re a med student give yourself a break

no, no, see, you said it yourself it takes dedication and commitment

alright, listen to me, Berg, this is the first time in your life that you�re doing something where you don�t know all the answers

this is great, you�re scared, and you�re scared because you might finally care about something

- why do I screw up ? - Because you�re Berg

besides you can�t quit now

you already paid for the beeper

I also got the walk down

you know I hear that�s the hardest part you�ll be a good surgent

- you�ll rock - thanks

listen, when you�re a big famous surgent, look me up I�ll be the guy in Rino designing the trailer parks

that reminds me, Mr. Sulu called last night you got the job

I got the job how could that be ?

Right here

loved your design, hate your friends

how come you didn�t tell me they called last night ?

Well last night I was too busy arguing with the sofa

oh my God I�ve got a big meeting at three

three ! Berg, it�s ten to it you better get moving

no, you have a big meeting at three

downtown ! Berg, what�s the matter with you ? How could you not tell a person ?

Hey, don�t blame me because you don�t have a beeper

Bones, talk to me Bones, you've got to say something, we've shared so much, it�s me Jim, your comrade, your...

captain, your friend, we've got to talk about this show some backbone man!