Original subtitles

Is there a reason that I don't feel sure

What am I really here for

Is anyone listening

OK.

So we're going to move on and talk about Sean

O'Casey, the Irish dramatist.

He is one of the first dramatists

to put urban working class experience on stage

at the Abby theater in Dublin.

It's the first time a dramatist has actually given voice

to those people who lack status, lack economic support,

and lack economic advantages.

He is the person who allows those...

I'll take my pocket change

And spend it all on you

Ooh

Is there a reason that I don't feel sad

Let's save that for later, yeah?

I can't wait that long.

Is there something missing

Mike, someone might see.

And maybe I could...

Mike and Sophie, give it a rest.

Sorry.

Sophie, are you wearing earbuds?

Take them out please.

So the only dramatist who's thought

about trying to put across a real working class experience

is Sean O'Casey.

And we're going to look at the way he

represents those people suffering

from enormous economic hardship.

Did you enjoy that?

You can't leave me like this, you know.

I won't.

You just go ahead, and I'll catch up, right?

What?

I'm just going to pop to the corner shop.

I mean, we finished all the... you know.

Uh... there.

Why can't I come with?

My ex works in there, and I don't want all the hassle.

Just go on ahead.

It's literally a 30-second walk.

OK.

Don't take too long.

- And don't fucking talk to her. - We'll see.

We'll see.

I'm serious.

Hey.

Yeah, I'm fine.

Managed to sneak away for a moment.

Yeah, I miss you too.

Well, you know what my mom's like.

If she even knew I was speaking to you...

I'll call you back.

You fucking prick.

Pussy.

And that's why you never leave the group on your own.

Rule number one of survival, bro.

Survival?

We're at a villa retreat.

You know this place is haunted, right?

Oh, come on, mate, not this again.

Even your mom knows it.

Why do you think she got this place for so cheap?

What's she like?

I'll say we're on a six on the crazy scale right now.

OK. Only a six?

Well, I guess there's plenty more time left in the day, Cal.

Amen, brother.

Amen.

What do you think?

Hmm?

About the painting.

Well, I think it gives an overwhelming sense of dread.

I agree.

Really?

No.

The red emerging behind the black landscape

represents hope prevailing through the dread.

The record also represents love conquering death.

Maybe it's a microcosm for women's suffrage

through the inherent sexism bred into society through

generations of male depression.

Who knows?

Art is subjective.

But I was wrong?

Oh, yeah, way off.

Brush strokes are far too dramatic.

It's more of a caricature than a piece of art.

I've got you here, cretin.

Ooh, harsh.

Since you're here, why don't you do something useful

and find out where the local kids club is or something?

Fine.

I'll be sure to pick you up some more Goth eyeliner on the way

back.

You look like you ran out this morning.

I still can't believe your sister is here.

I know.

But my mom wouldn't let me come without her.

She can't even drink.

What are you going to do the whole time?

What?

She's 16.

Yeah?

You seriously don't think a 16-year-old girl from

London has ever drank before?

Anyway, Lily seems pretty chill.

- Does she? - I think so.

You can cancel the search.

I found him.

Where the fuck were you?

Yeah.

What were you actually doing out there?

Just exploring.

It's a nice area.

All right, Mr. Explorer.

Well, Polly is freaking out.

Ah, shit.

Well, where is she?

Upstairs I think.

Back of a pedophile's van.

Andrea.

Mama.

Jesus.

Andrea Luca Carpanese, if you ever disappear like that again,

I will strangle you myself.

Did she just say he could be in the back of a pedophile van?

He's 19.

Yes, but he's still got the face of a baby.

Come on, Mama.

Well, now that crisis is over.

Let's get this party started.

Yes.

This time is for you guys to relax

and have a break from Hackney.

What happened to that poor girl was...

It's fucked up what happened.

Have they found the body yet?

No.

Mike's still in shock.

And now we come to a nice little haunted house to relax.

No, Callum, this house is not haunted.

OK?

Imagine you're not even in England anymore.

You're in the Caribbean.

And this villa and everything in it

is for you guys to relax but also to learn a few things.

When is Mrs. Bloomfield coming?

Call her Nancy.

She'll be here a bit later.

There was some traffic getting out of Kensington.

First name basis with a celebrity, bro?

I wonder what she's going to be like.

Probably arrogant like anyone else who's famous.

No.

I've spoken to her over the phone.

She seems very sweet, very modest.

My favorite video of hers is Arrogance, The Hateful Tree.

Isn't that ironic?

What's that supposed to mean?

I'm going to need your other phone, Andrea.

Fine.

You know why we can't have this.

Yeah. Yeah.

Because Nancy's mega-famous, and we can't

film her without getting sued.

Hmm.

You're not mad about the phone?

How can I be mad in a place like this?

Thanks for sorting all this out, Mama.

My pleasure, Chichi.

Make sure you look after that Lily girl.

I don't think she and her sister get along.

Yeah, I'm surprised India even brought her along.

Have you got her phone?

What's happening here?

I just told him I haven't seen Friday The 13th.

And now he won't to talk to me.

The origin of Jason Voorhees, one of the most

iconic killers of all time...

and she claims to be a fan of serial killers.

Preferably real ones.

Oh, sadist.

You don't even know what a sadist is.

You shouldn't use words you don't know the meaning of.

Come on, guys, let's make this a weekend to remember.

I can't believe your mom threw a shoe at your head.

Yeah, well, years of experience.

I mean, all things considered, it was pretty hot.

Bro.

That does it for you?

A fiery older woman?

Oh, yeah.

What?

Careful bro, you can't kink shame any more.

Ah, Lily, there you are.

Now, I don't know if India mentioned this to you,

but we all need to hand in our phones.

Don't have one.

Huh?

I don't have a phone.

I don't believe in them.

You don't believe in phones?

No.

Ask India.

They're just a means of the government

tracking our whereabouts.

OK.

Well, you still watch Nancy's videos on TikTok, don't you?

Of course I have TikTok.

I'm not a Neanderthal.

Oh, OK.

What are you looking at?

There's a man outside.

Oh, it's just the gardener.

The landlord said he might be here.

Mm-hmm.

What are you writing?

I'm drawing.

I didn't know you drew.

Anything else, Mrs. Carpanese?

No, no, I guess not.

Please call me Polly.

Whatever you say.

Dear, she's even worse than the other one.

So who do you think is getting lucky this holiday then?

Getting lucky?

Yeah, man, getting lucky.

You know, laying down the wood, doing the monster mash,

elected mayor of bang town.

Hmm.

Well, there's India.

Hot but scary.

And gay.

Wait, what?

Yeah, has she not introduced you to Susie?

- No. - Hmm.

- Guess you're not as close then. - No, no, no, no, no, man.

People just tell you shit.

You got this innocent gospel vibe about you.

Well, there's Lily.

Ooh, she's got something about her.

16.

Point taken.

Obviously, my mom.

I can't rule her out.

Oye.

God damn it, man.

I see you throwing things runs in the family.

Italian anger.

Ah, I see you're an Italian tosser.

Hmm?

Hmm?

Ooh, what about Nancy?

Hyping a celebrity, that would be a tick on the bucket list.

You're a weird guy.

Thank you.

Hmm.

We seem to have skimmed past Keira.

Oh, really?

Ooh, is the great Andrea Luca Carpanese blushing?

Hey, I just forgot about Keira, OK?

You know the deal.

We've known each other for so long, it'd just be a bit weird.

Besides, I've got Haley.

Who?

Haley, the girl from work.

Bro, do you ever listen?

About women?

Usually I do.

Well, met her at work.

We're a bit of a thing.

Not official or anything, but exclusive.

Does your mom know?

Are you kidding me?

You know how crazy she'd get if she found out I had a bird.

Ah.

Oh, I didn't mean it like that.

Hey, man, you said it.

Go to your room.

Hello, everyone, and welcome back

to another episode of The Fine art of Polite Behavior

with Nancy Bloomfield, where I, Nancy Bloomfield,

teach people of all ages how to act accordingly in today's

unforgiving social landscape.

On today's podcast we'll be talking about relationships.

What is the appropriate age to start dating?

Fuck's sake Lily.

Hi, Keira.

What are you doing in here?

Makeup.

Don't you have your own?

My mom says that makeup hides

the imperfections of the weak.

Right.

So you didn't think of asking your sister?

She's not exactly the most giving type.

So your next option, naturally,

is to break into my room?

Saves the inconsequential social interaction

of having to ask you.

Our dad says that if you have to ask for anything,

you've already made a mistake.

God, you're a weird fucking family.

Yep.

What are you listening to?

Nothing.

It doesn't look like nothing.

It's just music.

I listened to that podcast this morning.

Wait, I thought Polly took away all our devices.

It's broken, so it can't connect to the Wi-Fi

or take any pictures.

She said I can keep it as long as I

use it for learning purposes.

All right.

Well, thanks for the makeup.

Uh, still didn't ask.

It's not Andrea, by the way.

What?

The perfect man.

Andrea is far from it.

Pfft.

Andrea... why would you think...

You and my sister have been friends for what, 15 years now?

In all that time, I've never heard you mention

anything about a single boy.

And now you're on holiday with Andrea,

you happen to listen to a specific Nancy

podcast about how to get a boy to like you.

Unless you're interested in Callum...

Ew, no.

Then, yeah, it's not rocket science.

Is it obvious?

To a girl, yes.

To a boy, anything but.

Thank god.

Just don't tell India.

She...

Hates him?

Yeah.

If she doesn't know already, she will figure it out eventually.

I know.

Thanks, Lily, I guess.

On today's podcast

we'll be talking about relationships.

What is the appropriate age to start dating?

What makes the perfect mate?

Until at least the age of 21.

That's not to say that dating is out of the question.

In fact, dating without the pressure of having sex

with your date is actually quite freeing and should not

be frowned upon, even if your peers are laughing

at you for being such a square.

You must be the gardener.

The landlord said you might be working.

Always working.

Ah.

I'm Polly.

Nice to meet you.

Charles.

Have you worked here long, Charles?

Few years.

Oh.

One?

Two?

10.

Wow, that's more than a few.

Don't worry about us getting in your way.

Just let me know if any of the kids are bothering you,

and I'll sort it.

Kids?

Yes, when I say kids, they are all about 19 or 20.

It just makes me feel old.

Do you have any kids, Charles?

Aye, a girl.

How sweet.

How old is she?

Heavy box, not getting lighter.

Of course.

Silly me.

I'll see you around.

Everybody is so weird.

Keira.

Keira will have something fun to do, right?

Please?

We already struggling this bad, guys?

It's only been a few hours.

Waiting for a celebrity to arrive in a villa

is surprisingly dull.

Um, charades?

We tried that.

Callum ruined it. - Right.

You lot not getting the shower scene from Psycho

is not only a dampen on all our friendships,

but a crime against cinema.

I knew what it was.

But you didn't have to get naked for it.

Oh, what can I say?

I clearly take this much more seriously than others.

Trying to get that image out of my head.

Mom's having a nap.

We can literally do anything.

And yet there's somehow nothing to do.

I could tell a story about how this place is haunted.

You're going to tell us how a place

called Villa Helen is haunted?

Don't entertain him.

Right.

You know the guy that used to own this place went insane,

right?

Apparently, he was a businessman of sorts

and had gotten pretty fucking wealthy

despite being born an orphan.

Growing up on the streets of London

caused him to become a pickpocket in order to survive,

which is pretty ironic, isn't it?

People say he was good at it too.

He even made a name for himself.

But that all changed when he met his wife.

Helen?

The one and only.

She set him on the straight and narrow.

And when they got married, he built her this place.

Unfortunately, she died right after they

moved in... some illness I think it was.

In any case, the guy must have gone mad with grief,

because apparently he claimed he could hear her

every night calling for him.

So he never moved.

And he wandered these halls for years, night

after night, looking for his wife.

After he died, people claimed that he

was still here, that you could see him

after dark always searching...

searching for things to steal and for people.

Wow.

I know.

That's the biggest load of shit I've ever heard.

There's an 11% chance that spirits and ghosts are real.

There just isn't enough evidence to support either side.

Thank you.

That's why I went looking for Andrea earlier

to make sure he wasn't taken.

Well, I guess you're taken now, hey, buddy?

Dude.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, it's not like your mom can hear us.

Plus no one here cares.

Yeah, man, bro, no one cares.

See?

Well, I'm kind of seeing this girl from work.

Poor girl.

Well, just no one told my mom, all right?

- Alcohol. - What?

We need alcohol.

Now that's more like it.

It's a Friday night for fuck's sake.

I don't think I've done a Friday night sober since I was 14.

Where are we going to find alcohol?

There's nothing in any of the cabinets.

Alcoholic.

Pussy.

The gardener?

We have a gardener?

His name is Charles.

He'll have the alcohol.

And based off these notes I've been keeping on him since we

got here, it'll be in the back shed that he

goes back to every 45 minutes.

And you're keeping notes on this guy's every movement

because...

He's cute.

Women.

I'm coming.

Just a second.

Dear, Nancy.

I'm so sorry.

Have you been waiting long?

You must be Paula.

Polly.

Oh, I'm sorry, Polly.

It's been a very long day.

Oh, I imagine.

You must be exhausted.

I am.

In fact, I could use a drink or five.

That was a joke, Polly.

I have to say I'm such a huge fan,

and the kids are all so excited to meet you.

Oh, I bet.

Oh, and thank you for your rather generous donation.

Oh, of course, more than happy.

Please come in.

Is everything all right?

Yes.

Fine, just fine.

My room?

Oh, of course.

It's this one here, Lily?

Yes.

Any sign of the gardener?

Not as far as I can see.

Fucking hell, guys, this isn't exactly a black ops mission.

Open the door, Andrea.

- You open the door. - You open the fucking door.

You you have a go, Cal.

Fuck that.

What if there's, like, a sex dungeon in there?

What's a sex dungeon?

Fine.

I'll open the door.

Yeah, you guys start searching.

I'll be lookout.

Fucking hell.

It's a complete mess.

Well, at least this is a good sign.

All right, guys.

Let's fan out and find the booze.

Are these women's clothes?

Must be quite the player.

Should we tell Polly?

Are you kidding?

She's paranoid as it is.

This is the last thing she needs to know.

Any luck?

Not yet.

Well, it's all about the journey, not the destination.

What?

You know, it's all about the fun of looking for stuff.

We all have our own missions.

It's cool.

Well, I'd rather be cool and drunk than cool

and in a dingy old shed.

Yeah, fair point.

So this girl from work?

Oh, yeah, her name is Haley.

Well, she's not the same Haley from Fairview, is she?

That's the one.

The one with the teeth?

Hey, you probably saw her when she was like, 10.

She's grown out of them, all right?

I'm sure she has.

Jackpot.

Fucking hell.

I thought we'd score some whiskey

or vodka if we're lucky.

But this is a whole corner shop.

Oh, shit.

No shit.

It's really you.

It is.

And what do we have here?

My, uh, my welcome gift?

Yes, ma'am.

Hmm, delicious.

Okie-doke, then.

I guess I'll be seeing you bright and early tomorrow

morning.

Can't believe that dick head lost the booze.

It's all right.

We'll go get some more tomorrow.

Don't you think the gardener will notice?

By the looks of it, he'll be too drunk to notice.

It's good having you here, Ind.

It's good having me anywhere.

I'm being serious.

I feel like I've barely seen you recently with Susie and life.

I know.

I'm sorry.

I'm always here if you need to talk.

Thanks, Ind.

You mean a lot to me.

Wow.

And I thought I was the gay one.

Prick.

How's your dad getting on?

Must be hard for him with you gone now.

Yeah.

He's still Dad.

He's just... I don't know.

Some little things have changed.

For example, when I was younger, he

used to go to the off license every Sunday

to get a copy of the paper because he

really liked the walk.

He'd always come back with three things...

the paper for himself, a magazine for me,

and a rose for Mom.

It was such a small thing, a tiny thing

that meant nothing at the time.

But now...

It feels like something.

Yeah... like something.

He hasn't done it once since Mom.

I don't even think he reads the news anymore.

How are you getting on, though?

I know you and Sophie were close.

I know.

It's weird.

One day she was there and then...

you can't lose hope.

She could still be out there.

Exactly.

You're so strong, Ind.

I wish I could be like that sometimes.

Right.

Best be off to bed.

Big day tomorrow.

You're still... you're kind of nervous, aren't you?

Only a bit.

I mean, I think this whole thing is a bit bullshit.

But she's still famous as fuck.

Didn't know you cared about stuff like that.

Hmm.

I'm like Pandora's box.

Open me up and see what's inside.

Good night, Keira.

Good night.

India?

Andrea?

Morning.

Lily, you scared me, child.

Sorry, Polly.

You're an early bird, just like me?

Mom says that if the sun is up there's

no reason for you not to be.

Of course, she does.

Besides, Nancy's here, isn't she?

Oh, yes, she is.

You excited to meet her?

Hmm.

I bet she will impart so much wisdom onto you girls.

And the boys?

Boys will be boys, my darling.

Rough night.

Have either of you seen my eyeliner?

Maybe you exhausted the world's supply yesterday.

India, good morning, darling.

Polly.

I guess famous people like having a lie in.

I'm sure Nancy will be up soon.

Did you sleep well?

Not really.

Someone fucking slammed a door in the middle of the night.

Language!

Couldn't really sleep after that.

Well, I didn't hear anything.

Did you, Lily?

She's outside talking to Chucky.

Chucky?

Charles, the gardener.

OK, I guess that's fine.

What's for breakfast?

Ah, that's it?

Not how did you sleep, Mama, or you look gorgeous, Mama?

You look gorgeous, Mama.

Thank you, Callum.

Andrea, have you seen my hairbrush?

I thought I left it down here last night.

Why would I know where it is?

Maybe ask Keira when she's up.

I'll go get her.

You good, bro?

Not too bad, brother.

Not too bad.

Bit weird that.

Yeah.

You reckon she's telling him about the booze?

Nah.

Lily's a unique girl.

But she's not a snake.

I'm not too sure about that, Charles.

Yeah?

Yeah, man, seems a little less Chucky and a little more

Child's Play, if you catch my drift.

What, just because he's talking to Lily?

How do you like your eggs, Callum?

Scrambled please, Polly.

I'm not too sure, man.

I just don't get a good vibe.

Like, have you ever seen a 6' 3" chiseled gardener before?

Like, you don't get to that point

in your life looking like that without noncing a few kids.

Now, look, Charles may be a bit weird,

but I'm sure he's harmless.

What are you planting?

Mr. Cunningham, he likes flowers.

Well, the garden's very pretty, so...

Thanks.

What's in the box?

Just work stuff.

Cool.

So have you seen it?

Seen what?

The ghost.

Surely, working here, you must have seen something.

I've seen a lot of things here,

some things you can't explain.

When the lights go out and the darkness surrounds the house,

it becomes unsettling.

What have you seen?

I've got work to get on with.

You should get a coat.

Oh, of course.

Sorry.

What the fuck are you doing?

Rough night.

Rather not talk about it.

All right.

Polly is asking for you.

The first Nancy lesson starts soon.

I'll be there in five.

All right.

You good?

Yeah. Yeah.

Don't worry about it.

Good.

Now we're all here.

It is my pleasure to introduce the TikTok

sensation, the master of grace and decorum herself,

Miss Nancy Bloomfield.

You may applaud.

Greetings, everybody.

Such a pleasure meeting you.

I am Nancy Bloomfield.

But please, just call me Nancy.

Politeness and formality are two very different things.

Now, Polly has invited me here to spend some time with you

lovely young people to teach you some things

about how to behave.

Now I know you're sitting there thinking,

who is this old bag trying to tell me how to live my life?

Pretty much.

I respect your candor, sweetheart.

What's your name?

India.

Well, the fact is, dear India,

you may have noticed that manners and proper etiquette

are unique in this day and age.

At a time when most things come with a sort

of price, politeness and respect of one

another costs virtually nothing.

Wow.

Very inspiring, huh?

Um, Miss Bloomfield?

Nancy.

Yes, Nancy.

In your line of work, what do you

think of physical punishment?

In what regard?

If I disrespected one of them...

let's just say, for argument's sake, I was a naughty boy.

Would you punish me?

Well, if that aspect of my work interests you,

I would be happy to give you a one on one.

But for now please allow me to return to the lesson

I have planned.

A one on one.

Shut up.

Now then, my young friends, this is the Galateo.

Kudos to anyone who can tell me what it is.

Oh, here we go.

Please.

What's your name, sweetheart?

Lily.

Lily, please continue.

The Galateo is an Italian guide on social behavior.

It was written by Florentine Giovanni della Casa

and published in 1558.

Ladies and gentlemen, the human Wikipedia.

Well done, Lily.

That's absolutely correct.

And I'm actually surprised you used that term

"ladies and gentlemen."

Because since I arrived, I've only seen boys and girls.

Exactly.

Now if you would follow me into the dining room,

I will take you through some of the more pertinent exercises.

I'll catch up with you kids.

Hello, Mrs. Carpanese.

Mr. Cunningham, I was wondering

when you were going to pop by.

How are you finding my villa?

Oh, it's quite lovely.

And Charles has been treating you well?

Well, he's a man of few words.

But I can't complain so far.

Good.

Good.

Charles has nearly worked here as long as I have, you know.

It's just a shame what happened.

What do you mean?

Oh, god damn it, I don't forget to tell you, did I?

Charles, he... he unfortunately lost his daughter last year.

Poor girl, 15 years or so only.

Oh, dear.

Yes.

So just be patient with him.

He's a harmless chap when you get to know him.

Thank you for telling me, sir.

That's quite all right.

What with the history of death in this house,

it's just horrid.

The history?

Well, yes, you know, there's quite a tale about

a previous owner of the house.

The ghost?

One of my boys, Callum, he has told me about this plenty

of times I'm afraid.

A silly story.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

My dear, this is the truth.

Well, I will keep a look out for any ghost, Mr. Cunningham.

I could give you a tour for an extra 50 pounds or so.

I'm so sorry.

I've got to get back to the children.

Of course.

Silly me, rambling on.

Well, you have my number if you need anything.

But I'll be unavailable over the next few days

as I'm taking my sister to the Cotswolds.

Oh, how lovely.

The Cotswolds.

Well, I have to get back.

Of course, of course.

Well, you enjoy your stay.

Thank you.

So now that we have finished with the introduction,

it's time to move on to my favorite part.

This is where we put our rather lengthy reading into practice.

Let's say we are all attending an exquisite dinner

party with prestigious guests.

Oh, this will come in handy with all the dinner parties

I'll be throwing.

You never know, dear.

Tell me, gentlemen, what is the first thing

you do when dining with a lady?

Get them drunk.

Fuck, yeah.

Not quite, Callum.

Alcohol consumed by both men and women

should be done in moderation.

Now, your first mistake was when we all sat down.

When dining with a lady, you must always

pull her chair out for her.

Ah, the pull out method...

something I believe Callum is well aware of.

Oh, I am a master at this etiquette.

That's great.

You'll have to give me a demonstration later.

Andrea, now, using your Italian, how would you prepare

your guests for their meal?

I guess I'd lay out the cutlery.

And how?

Hmm.

Almost.

Allow me to show you the very precise way

in which one lays the cutlery.

Anything else?

Uh, serve them food and say bon apetito.

Ah, there's your second mistake.

The Galateo points out very clearly

that one must never say "bon apetito" or "bon appétit,"

as most people do these days.

The reason for this is that the origin of the expression

comes from the wealthy landowners who

gave their peasants food, drenching

it in a stigma of the rich looking down upon the poor.

So you're saying maybe we shouldn't

live our lives based on a book written hundreds of years ago.

I don't know.

The Pope seems to be making a killing from doing that.

Of course, times change, India.

And it is common knowledge that the rules of chivalry

in this text may well be based on a time when women's

roles were more tailored to...

Bearing children and not having opinions?

Let's just say they had limited options.

Limited options is my saving grace.

Right.

I see we've come to the end of our proverbial tether.

For tomorrow's discussion, I would

like you to go through your printout of the Galateo

and highlight your favorite passages.

Thank you, Nancy.

Fuck me, man, it's cold out here.

Let's just get the booze and get out of here.

Bro, I'm really sorry for losing the ball earlier.

That's OK, man.

It happens.

It's just that she was wearing that beautiful blouse of hers.

And she just looked so good.

I actually she can't believe how fit she is.

Hey, man, I'm proud of you.

Yo.

Oh.

Hey, Charles.

Don't think we've officially met?

I'm Andrea.

And this is my friend Callum.

Hey, dude.

I really like your overalls.

Where were you headed?

Man, just out for a walk.

It's a lovely area.

Just beautiful.

Really well maintained, buddy.

It's dark out.

Don't think you two want to be out here when it's dark.

Why not?

Hey, man, we should go do that thing.

What?

The thing, man, the fucking thing.

I always talk about the bloody thing.

There's something not right about that guy, man.

Hey, Keira, can we speak?

Yeah, of course.

I guess I'll go for a piss then.

Sounds great, man.

Rude.

What's up?

Are you OK?

You seemed a bit off this morning.

Oh, I didn't sleep very well last night.

Yeah, me neither.

Those beds were really hard.

Yeah.

Well, I'm glad to hear you're OK.

Me and Cal couldn't get into Charles's stash, though.

That's too bad.

I'd kill for a drink around here.

Yeah, tell me about it.

But you're probably better off without one anyway.

What do you mean?

What?

Keira Turner, the biggest lightweight on the planet.

Doesn't ring a bell?

I am not.

Do you not remember Callum's 18th?

You bought me so many fucking shots, man.

Don't put that on me.

That was such a good night.

Not right, is it?

Fucking hell, Pol.

How long have you been standing there?

I'm not a fan of that.

Preaching to the choir here, Pol.

Excuse me?

I'm on your side.

That is not OK.

So what do we do?

You got any naked baby pictures of Andrea?

You know, the ones where his thing's tiny?

Sadly not.

He was such an adorable little baby, but so camera shy.

Well, that's the best I got.

What have you got?

We could shave all of Keira's hair.

Jesus, Pol, that's a bit dark.

Fine.

But we have to think of something.

Hmm.

Sadly, I think we have to let them make their own mistakes.

Really?

Yeah, I think so.

Let them fuck it up themselves.

I like that.

That's good.

I'm wise beyond my years.

What can I say?

This is bullshit, man.

Look at this.

Chapter 7, how one should dress in order to not show

disrespect to others.

Fuck me.

I can't believe you've worn our matching socks today,

Callum.

I know, Andrea.

I'm so sorry.

Could you ever find it in the bottom

of your heart to forgive me?

Never.

We must now duel to the death.

Ah!

I like Nancy's stuff online, but this is just...

Boring.

Where's Lily?

Probably in her room doing work.

How are we getting on?

Brilliant, Polly.

Loving it, Mama.

Listen, guys, I know this isn't

what you want to be doing here.

And I don't want to be...

how you say it...

a clench bum?

Tight ass.

A tight ass.

Yes, that's it.

Thank you, India.

It's just that I want to protect you.

But I have also realized that you are so young.

I'm sorry for being like this.

So to say sorry, please have fun.

We can worry about the Nancy stuff tomorrow morning.

Thanks, Pol.

You're the best, Polly.

Thanks, Mama.

You didn't have to.

But I wanted to, Chichi.

Have fun.

Let's get fucked up!

What do you want?

Um, this is for you.

We thought you deserved it.

Thanks, but... well, I'll have this tomorrow.

Cool.

Any special occasion?

Yes.

Stop it.

I don't know.

I literally just came for Keira.

What she's got us doing here is so fucking boring.

I miss you too.

I know it's only a few more days.

Lily, have you seen my mom's necklace?

I can't seem to find it.

Lily, are you OK?

India's gone.

What?

What do you mean she's gone?

I can't find her.

We can't find her anywhere.

Come on, pick up.

Pick up!

Why aren't your parents

picking up the phone, Lily?

They have training on Sundays.

They won't be back until tomorrow.

Training on Sunday?

No luck outside.

She's not here, guys.

What's going on?

We can't seem to find India.

- What? - It's OK.

Oh, easy for you to say.

What's that supposed to mean?

- You two hate each other. - So?

Doesn't mean I don't want to find her.

Look, she's probably just gone into town or something.

- What if... - Don't.

What?

I know what you're going to say.

Fine, I won't.

Say it.

What if it was the ghost?

It's not the fucking ghost.

Pardon me, there's a ghost here?

Can we stop talking about this fucking ghost?

Sorry, Mama.

Sorry, Pol.

Please, no panic.

We need to think rationally.

Nancy, can you go speak to the gardener

and see if he saw anything?

I'll do it.

OK.

Fine.

You guys, India's phone is gone.

Is there anyone India would have contacted...

a friend, a boyfriend?

Well, there's Susie.

OK, Susie.

What's her number?

Don't look at me.

What about her socials?

She doesn't have any.

She's basically off the grid.

Fine.

You guys go outside to look for anything that might help.

We just...

I know.

Check again.

OK, Mama.

How did I fuck up so badly, Nancy?

Children are difficult. I should know.

I made a career out of it.

Charles?

Charles.

Tell me everything.

What?

Everything.

I want to know everything about this fucking ghost

and why it took my sister.

What... what happened to your sister?

You tell me.

You know everything about this house and the weird shit

that goes on.

Quit being mysterious and fucking tell me!

You're strong headed, girl.

It reminds me of someone.

Well?

I'm going to be real with you.

It's all bullshit.

What?

The ghost, the story, it's all bullshit...

a lie Mr Cunningham came up with to get more

people to come to the house.

But what about all our things?

The ghost pickpocket?

Look, I'm ashamed to admit it, but I stole those.

He makes me do it to keep up the story of the house.

I don't understand.

I'm sorry, I am.

But don't have a clue about what's happened to your sister.

Here.

I'll pull the stuff I took in the shed tomorrow.

Not today.

It's an important day.

Thanks, I guess.

What's that?

Tire marks?

But only one?

So a motorbike.

But nobody here drives a motorbike.

But you know who does.

Susie.

Well, that settles that then

Are we really going to settle for that?

It doesn't add up.

Why would she leave Lily or the rest of us?

I know she's your friend, Keira.

But you know what she's like.

She flops on any motive.

She is a serial flopper.

So I would assume so.

Anyways, let's go tell Polly.

Are you coming?

I'll catch up in a sec.

Suit yourself then.

Oh, hi, Callum.

Hi, Nancy.

What can I do for you?

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

I just thought we'd let you know that we think India got

picked up by her girlfriend.

So, you know, crisis averted.

Would you like to come in?

Uh, sure.

Wow.

I really like what you've done with the place.

Nancy, Nancy, please.

What the actual fuck?

That's how hard I want it.

What?

That's how hard I want it when we fuck.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, Jesus can't help you now.

Oh, fuck.

No way.

This is actually happening.

Oh.

Oh, it's happening.

It's happening.

Just like that.

- Yeah, just like that. - Harder.

Harder.

Grab me harder.

Yeah, like that?

Or do you want me to grab you harder?

Andrea?

What are you doing?

Couldn't sleep.

So you thought you'd just Freddy Krueger

your way into my bedroom?

Yeah, basically.

How come you get the nicest room?

Because I'm the coolest, and the funniest,

and the prettiest.

You're not wrong.

I was scared today.

This might sound bad.

But the whole time we were looking for,

India, all I could think about was what if that was you.

Andrea.

Polly, you're the only one up?

Polly?

Oh, my god, Polly, what's wrong?

Are you OK?

Polly, what's wrong?

Andrea, mi bambino.

He's gone.

What?

Andrea's gone?

Lily, what's happening? - I don't know.

We all woke up and we can't find Andrea.

He's not anywhere.

Fuck.

I'm calling the police.

This is all too fucked.

All our phones are gone.

No one knows what's happening. I'm going to go talk to Charles.

OK.

Where's Callum?

Gone to talk to Nancy, I think.

Nancy!

Nancy! It's Callum.

Open up!

Come on, it's pretty urgent!

Nancy!

Oh, fuck this.

I'm going in.

Uh-oh, busted.

What the fuck is going on?

Who the fuck is this?

It's Brandon, man.

Very nice to meet you.

Nancy?

Oh, not now, babe.

I have the most vile hangover.

Oh.

Heavy one, last night.

We were fucked up.

Well, you could say she was fucked when I got up.

You know what I'm saying?

Anyway, got to go.

Baby, I'll see you later.

Hmm.

So pretty.

Damn.

Nice meeting you, brother.

Ciao.

Of course, he rides a motorbike.

Fucking asshole!

What, you thought you were the only guy I had going?

Somebody's full of themselves.

And fuck you too.

Ow.

Oh.

What's up with you?

I'd rather not get into it.

Where's Polly?

Sleeping upstairs.

Bless her, I thought she was going to pass out.

It's been a fucked up couple of days.

Lily, what's going on?

It's Charles.

I can't find him anywhere now.

First India, then Andrea, and now Charles?

It doesn't make any sense.

Maybe Charles is behind all this.

I mean, he's a bit of a fucking weirdo.

No, I don't think it's him.

Is that what you're going off, a hunch?

Ghosts don't need any reason to take people.

- Fuck's sake. - What?

It's not the ghost.

How would you know?

Yesterday, you said you were on board.

Charles told me it's all bullshit.

The owner made it all up to get people to stay here.

Charles has our shit.

What?

Where is it all?

He said he'd put it in the back shed.

He gave me the key.

Well, I'm going to get my necklace.

Maybe our phones are out there.

Let's go!

Charles?

Charles!

He's alive, but I think he might have been drugged.

I'll go get some water.

See if you can find the phones.

Lily!

Nancy!

Help, please!

What in the hell are you girls shouting about now?

Please, you don't understand.

Nancy, run!

Oh, a prank, really?

You can't film me without my consent.

What was that thing?

It's not a thing.

It's a person.

Get that nightstand.

The door.

Keira, can't we just go through the door?

It's broken.

Polly?

Why?

Why?

You will never believe what a mother will do to protect

her son from bitches.

Poor, Keira, you always had the worst hair.

I don't know what happened.

He just snapped.

He stole all those things from us.

Poor children.

I managed to subdue him, but I was too late.

Thanks, ma'am.

We're so sorry for your loss.

Andrea.

We found him locked in a box in the gardener's house.

Mama, what happened?

, Chichi.

Mama is here.