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1 'Kay, hold on. Hold on.

Okay.

Nice.

Oh, Rasmussen? Rasmussen.

Hi. Hey, Tom.

Hi.

- I... Just put it there. - Put this here? Okay.

So, it's election eve,

and guess what Father Sexmas has brought you.

- Why, hot, fresh polling. - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Jimenez up by four.

Jesus. How're you gonna play?

I guess, I don't know...

amplify to gin up our maniacs,

or deny, shit on, and bury, I guess.

- Matsson. - What does he want?

Oh, you know.

He thinks the Living Plus stock bump is fading,

and he wants to know what my brothers have cooking.

- Is he coming? - To the party? No.

- Ow. - No, he doesn't wanna

"swim around my dad's..."

"... bullshit, pre-election, brain-dead, AOL-era,

legacy media, putrid, stuffed-mushroom fuckfest."

Ooh. And I thought it was gonna be fun.

Mm.

So, this is just a little party prezzie

for being such a hot piece of ass...

- Mm. Thank you. - ...and such a foxy little minx.

And, you know, just to say that I'm really glad

that we're hosting this party together.

- Yeah. - You know, and we can say to people that we...

had a little break and then we're back. You know?

- Yeah, I like that. - Yeah.

- What? - Yeah. Uh-huh.

Uh, a... a scorpion?

Mm.

- Because? - 'Cause it's...

it's funny.

Because... why?

'Cause it's... it's like... it's a joke.

- Who's the scorpion? - Um. You, I guess.

But it's just silly, honey. It's like, you know,

I love you, but you kill me, and I kill you.

- And you... You know? - Oh!

Okay. Yeah, right. I... No. Yeah. I get it.

- Huh! I like it. - Good.

- Well, you gotta get to work. You know? - Yeah.

You gotta go contribute to the great toxification.

Gotta do my part.

Hey.

- Hey. - Hey.

Are you okay?

- How... how's everyone doing? - No, I'm fine. We're all fine.

And, you know, this is fine, but if it's legal stuff,

I really need to keep my head out of that right now.

- No... I... Okay. - I'd rather our people just...

- lawyers, and... - No, I'll just keep this brief.

It's, um...

Sophie doesn't want to go to school.

She is... freaked out about the election.

So... What do you mean? What... Is she okay?

- What... what is it? What? - She... she's okay.

It's just... All right.

So, on the... the weekend, this weekend,

someone kind of...

she felt...

pushed by her a little on the street.

But there was a comment that she felt came from the...

It was... All right, the guy had on a Ravenhead shirt.

Uh, there was a quote on the shirt,

and, yeah...

She felt it was racially tinged, and she's been upset.

- What did they say? - I don't know.

And now at school, uh,

some kids have started this whole anti-ATN thing,

which is actually very supportive,

but, you know, it's...

- complex for her. - Who was with her?

Like, why... Why was she out on the street?

- Sixth near MOMA? - Did you just ask me why she was on the street?

Yeah, I mean, someone... You're telling me someone pushed our daughter,

- or whatever. - Pushed by her.

- She was with her friends. - Like, where were you?

- Where... Where was I? - Yeah.

- Are you fucking serious? - I'm not blaming you. I'm just...

I'm trying to get all the information

- before I make a decision on our course of action. - You need to make a decision

- if you're gonna call your dau... - So, yeah. Where were you?

I was raising our daughter while you were fucking running

- a racist news organization. - Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Great. Fuck you! Come on. - Oh, fuck me?

- Come on. - How fucking dare you interrogate me

- and the way I parent? - Obviously, I feel bad.

- Obviously, I will do anything to protect her. - Okay, you know what?

- Anything! - Uh-huh. Okay. I'm gonna just...

And, uh, we'll cope.

And, I don't know, just maybe call your fucking daughter.

Well, obviously. Jesus, Rava. Jesus!

What kind of parent do you think I am?

You know, you have no idea the things I'm doing.

The things I'm working on.

Six continents.

Okay? I'm breaking my back, and it's all for them.

Okay? And to make the world safe.

- Synced and corrected by naFraC - - www.MY-SUBS.com -

Yeah, great. Dig on that.

Dig to heck on that. Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig.

Yeah, no. We... we love the deal.

We just have to make sure we know everything

on Matsson and GoJo. I mean, there's due diligence,

but this is, you know, undue diligence.

Extra diligence. Okay?

Okay, great. And get that dirt on Matsson.

Anything could be useful.

Apparently insignificant details could be very useful to me.

To us. What? No...

You're a fucking deputy rat-fucker.

Don't object to being a rat-fucker, Tomas.

It's unbecoming.

- How you doin'? - Hey, honey.

Bise?

- Good to see you. - Good to see you.

- Hi. - Hi.

Hey, how you doing?

- Good. - Yeah.

I just came from seeing Pop.

Wow. Again?

Oh, any change?

Looking good.

Woke up on the right side of the coffin today, boy.

What? I like to go. You should go.

Yeah? And do what? Sit there like I'm feeding the ducks?

Can I? Thank you for ignoring me.

The weird thing, honestly, is...

how much he's not there.

I find that consoling.

Well, here he is.

- Kendall Plus. - Hey, hey. Morning. Morning. Sorry I'm late.

- Hey. - The man who's gonna lead us to eternal life.

Waystar Jesus.

You seen the polling today?

- Okay. That's why you're all perky. - Uh-huh.

Very exciting. I'm sure your Red Guards are all, you know,

ready to come round up the thought criminals

and turn police stations into cuddle puddles.

The exciting part isn't the top line.

In Alaska, I'm exploding. Four, five, six percent.

Right. Guys, can we do this?

Um. I just... I have a lot going on today.

- Sure. - Very well.

I hereby convene this funeral management committee.

I've sent the materials, and I assume

you've familiarized yourselves, because I'm concerned.

We're saying yes to all Marcia's wishes,

then all your ideas, Pop's requirements...

Danger the funeral could turn into a three-day grief-a-thon.

- Yeah. Just fuck Marcia. - Seconded.

- Great. - Carried.

Nevertheless, we really want a tight 90.

And the central question is, who's gonna speak?

Oh, what? In front of the most powerful political, cultural,

business interests in the world?

I mean, I... I'm... I'm easy.

Right? I can speak about Dad.

Oh, what? Your usual malign influence material?

- Ow! I could do it. - Uh-huh.

I think if any one of us actually wants to do it,

do the big number, then we should just say,

because probably no one minds, right?

- Hmm. - No?

Yeah.

Oh! Okay.

Um. Will you have a think?

Uh, I'm jumping on the digital battle bus.

Uh, tailgate party, we nail it down, yeah?

- Okay. Bye-bye. - Sure.

- All right, good luck. - Bye.

Right. Um...

So, Shiv, on the...

One thing from us on the tailgate.

We were actually wondering

about us, politically, inviting Nate.

Nate?

- Nate. - Sofrelli?

- Mm-hmm. - Uh... Okay.

Tom and I kinda had hoped that... Why?

Uh, because it went so well in L.A.

You know, hats off to the greatest showman here.

And apologies on the old wibble-wobble,

and all due congratulations, but...

Okay. So, you...

- wanna make sure we have a plan B... - Mm-hmm.

...in case we can't chase Matsson out of town on price.

Exactly. And we think that's regulatory.

We go hard regulatory. DOJ, FTC, FCC, EU.

- Uh-huh. - No?

I mean, I think they might just stop it.

- Yeah. - But even just the threat

creates a ton more risk for Matsson.

Kicks the deal down the line, right?

And Nate? He's... Right? He's across competition,

and he's tight with the Jimenez folks on that. So...

Could we get him down so we can sell it

on a real level without lobbyists and all the...

Due process?

- That stuff. - Yeah.

- Yeah, sure, fine. - Good.

- Fine. - Okay.

- All right, see you tonight. - See you tonight.

Ah! Beat me to it. Oy!

Good, yeah?

Yeah, good, I think so. Yeah. What else?

Uh, how you feeling about the, you know,

blowback from, uh, you know, the firings, the bloodlust.

- You wanna throw Hugo at that? - Fuck it. Let's own it.

Hey. Hey, Lukas. Yeah, listen.

Uh, so, they're gonna go regulatory.

Yeah. So you need to be there tonight.

Well, no. It'll be easy. Just, my dad invited you. So...

Yes. There's gonna be, what,

forty thought leaders, pols,

officials who will actually decide this,

and half of them are gonna be there. Okay?

So I am telling you that you need to be there too.

To counter.

_

_

Okay.

So, uh, hey, um.

There's no easy way of... of doing this.

I've done this a couple of times this week,

and sometimes, honestly, it just makes me cry.

Um. But I wanted to offer

my heartfelt appreciation to you all.

And now, I'm gonna hand over to my colleague, Gregory Hirsch,

who has more information.

Thank you, sir. Good morning.

"Good morning. Uh, I'm here to inform you

that Waystar Royco has been looking at a range

of different options in order to drastically reduce costs,

and a very difficult decision

to restructure the ATN operation internationally

has been taken in order to protect

the future of the business.

This action was only taken after seriously considering

all available options.

But if you're on this call, this is confirmation

that you are part of the unlucky group

who are having their contract terminated

with immediate effect

on the grounds of staffing redundancy.

And today is your final day of employment."

Uh...

Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, "Final day of employment."

Um, "Going forward, we intend to operate

Waystar Royco international news gathering operations

utilizing third-party contract-based arrangements."

Uh...

I'm seeing some confusion in the chat. Um...

Bu... But, yes. Uh, if I have been too wordy,

yes, we are letting all of you go.

"Obviously, I can't take questions on this call,

but this is a very sad day.

And I thank you for your time today

and your service to Waystar Royco."

Goodbye.

Nice. Done.

So, this German one with this label,

let's push this, okay? Say it's a light, fruity red.

Uh, don't say it's biodynamic and don't say it's German.

Just say it's a light, fruity red.

And, yes, a little bit of fizz is normal.

It's sophisticated. Okay?

- Hey. - Hey.

It's okay. What's going on? Wakey, wakey.

I'm just... I'm, you know. I'm fine. I'm tired, you know.

- Election eve, it's a lot. - Yeah.

And turns out, I'm pre-tired.

I'm tired about thinking how tired I'm gonna be.

Because someone isn't letting someone

- get a lot of sleep. - Oh. Well, forgive me.

Uh, so, we got a couple of extra names

- for the guest list. - Right.

- Matsson is in fact coming now. - Ooh! Because?

Because Dumb and Dumber are trying to spook the deal

and wanna try doing regulatory-shit angle,

and he's gonna come and head that off. So...

Okay. Well, good. That's good for me, right?

- I mean, my chance to dance. - Yeah.

I can secure my spot...

- Yeah, sure. - ...post-Roy-pocalypse.

- Mm-hmm. - Right?

Uh, also, to push that agenda...

- Mm-hmm. - Uh, they wanted to invite,

and I didn't feel like I had a tactical way to say no.

Um, they want to invite Nate.

Uh...

'Cause he's key on tech and trade

for Gil and Jimenez.

I'm sorry, I...

It's not...

And I am genuinely sorry. Really.

- Sure. Nate. - Yeah.

It'll be good to see... Nate. What do I care?

- Uh-huh. Okay. - It's okay.

- Thanks, honey. - Okay.

Okay. You guys ready to spread some regulatory anxieties?

Yeah, sure, spread those surveillance capitalism heebie-jeebies.

Yeah? Just don't let me get stuck

- with the Journal op-ed ogres. - Come on.

They're not all crypto-fascists and right-wing nut jobs.

We also have some venture capital Dems

and, uh, centrist ghouls.

Dad's ideological range was wide.

Yeah.

- Should we hit it? - Yeah, let's hit it.

- Let's hit it. - Yeah, all right.

Hittin' it, hit it. Hey, what's up?

Not your guy's poll numbers. Ha! Yuk, yuk, yuk.

You're a little tired right now?

Oh, maybe a little. Oh, man.

- Maybe drink a coffee? - If I drink a coffee,

then I won't be able to sleep later.

Think, Greg.

So, uh, anyway, listen. Matsson is coming.

So that is gonna be my focus.

And you, if... Unless you are truly aligning yourself

to the dumpster brothers, you might wanna sweeten that beat, too.

- No, yeah. Yeah. I'd love to feather that bed. - Yeah.

Um. But... but Matsson hates me.

So I think I'm team Ken-Ro.

Up to you, Greg.

- Okay, I'm gonna mingle. - Yeah, mingle up.

Hey, great. Thanks.

Okay. Okay.

Looks like, uh, Shiv's hitting Valerie.

- Mm-hmm. - Have you seen Nate?

Uh... Yeah, no. But, uh, Mencken's team called.

Okay, because the polling?

Yeah, well, their internals are even worse. So...

And they want what? ATN to go full

"we're coming to give your guns hormone therapy,

all your guns are gonna be ladies"?

Yeah, well, three or four states where Connor's one percent

are throwing things? Yeah. It could be pivotal.

And, you know, if he were to drop out,

most of the support would go to them.

But his team is not... It's just...

They're just refusing contact, apparently.

So they've asked if I can convince him to drop out.

I mean... I don't know.

- Fuck that guy, right? - Mencken?

I think... yeah. Victory vans. Those O'Malley fucks.

I think fuck him.

I guess. I mean, it's not bad for us to be tight with him

in case things swing his way, right?

Yeah, fine. I see you. All right. I'll hit the, uh...

I'll hit the libtards. You go help the Nazis.

Nazis, you got it.

Wait. Excuse me. Thank you.

- Hey. - Hey, Tom.

- Hello, Nathaniel. - Tom.

Appreciate the invite.

Well, I've missed you.

- Won't be long. A lot going on, obviously. - Mm-hmm.

Won't drink too much of your wine.

No, don't you worry. You gobble my gravadlax, pal.

There's plenty more where that came from.

It's light and fruity.

And it's the kind of wine that separates the connoisseurs

from the weekend Malbec morons.

Keep away from this man, Nate.

- Keep away from you. - Back.

- Back, foul news demon. - No, you. You're the foul demon.

Nice to see you, Len. Good one.

Fuckin' asshole.

- Hey. - So sorry to interrupt.

Can I grab him for a second?

- Yeah. - Okay.

- What's up? - Um, yeah. Just, uh...

You know... yuk yuk. Kind of a... a biggie, actually.

And a bit last-minute. But Mencken's team called,

and they wanted to know if you might be willing to...

you know, drop out?

- Of the election? - Yes, of the election.

You are aware that the polls open in ten hours?

Yes, and it might be too late

to physically remove your name from the ballots,

but if you were to release a statement...

You know, divert the Conhead stream to the Mencken river?

And after all the blood and treasure I've expended,

why on Earth would I want to do that?

They said, "For the good of the Republic."

- Yeah? - Yeah. Yeah.

So, no? No.

Well then, I have been authorized

to make a follow-up offer, which is,

how familiar are you with Mogadishu?

- Mogadishu? - Mm-hmm.

- In Somalia? - Because they are

very impressed with your talents,

and they think that you'd be a good fit

for an ambassadorial appointment.

Little bit car-bomby. Hey, tell him UN.

- Okay. - That's more my vibration, yeah?

- All right. - Yeah?

- All right. I'll... I'll... I'll report back. - Okay.

- All right. Thanks. - Thank you.

Hey. How you doin'? Good to see you.

Hey! So, she showed. That's good.

Guess you smoothed it over, right, General Franco?

No. No, she's incredibly angry.

Okay, everybody.

Everybody. Welcome one and all.

- Ken, take it away. - Okay, thanks, Tom.

Thanks, Tom. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, okay. Okay.

Welcome, everybody. Welcome! Welcome!

Welcome. All right.

Who we got here? Who we got here? Carly Flight.

- Oh, shit. - All right, okay.

The Pod Goddess. Everybody watch out for her.

Careful what you say.

That's right. Yeah. Careful what you say.

Larry, Mary. Lovely. Lovely to see you guys.

Uh, who else is here? Who's here? Len.

Len giveth and Len taketh away.

Watch out for Len.

Uh, my guy, Nate Sofrelli, saw the polls this morning

and moonwalked here.

Our best to Gil and Jimenez.

Everybody's here. It's great to see you all.

Um... Yeah, you know, it's...

It's our... It's our first, uh, tailgate party

without the big guy. Yeah.

But, uh, we're still gonna live it up.

As always, kettle corn, over there,

will be shipped to whoever is closest

to tomorrow's electoral count.

And, uh...

Yeah, this is a tough one.

But, uh, we're all gonna stay sane,

and we're all gonna stay friends. Yeah?

Uh, thanks to my sis for hosting.

Thank you, sis.

Of course.

But, yeah. You know, we... we... we, uh...

We didn't know what to do this year.

Um... You know...

We watch history. We make history,

and then one day, we become it.

So, can I just... I'd like to ask you all

for a moment of silence, if we could, in memory.

Thank you. Thank you, y'all.

Sorry.

Uh. It's okay. Hey, man. So, VIP in the house.

Mr. Matsson, how are you? Welcome.

Thank you. Thank you, everyone. Thank you.

You know, you... You, uh... You don't get

my sister's triplex in the deal, you know. Don't get greedy.

Well, you know. Hey. We haven't closed yet. So...

- We'll see. We'll see what happens. - Nice. Nice. Anyway.

Welcome. Uh, uh. You know, my dad... my dad loved you all.

We love you all. So, uh, let's... let's have some fun.

Let the games begin.

Salud! Cheers. Cheers.

All right.

Okay. What the fuck is he doing here?

Uh... Yeah, I don't know. Seriously, it's like, the fuck?

- Did you... What's... - He's gonna blow up our spot.

Yeah, yeah. So, apparently, um, Dad invited him, actually.

And he emailed a yes, like, four minutes before walking in.

- Four? - Yeah.

- Do we just throw him out, then? - I would love that. No.

But I don't think we can afford to be seen treating him as the enemy.

- Uh-huh. - I think we hang tough. Yeah?

Just stick to the plan.

Regulatory. You know?

These assholes in here? Our assholes.

- Yeah. - Yeah. But what's his fucking game?

Like is he going for freak-out?

Or is he flicking the same beans as us?

Well, how do you wanna play?

Honestly, like, he, like... There's too much peanut butter

between us. Can you stick close?

Yeah, sure.

I think just guide him away

from the high-value targets,

refill his glass, run him in circles,

tell people he's Looney Tunes behind his back.

- Oh, easy. - Keep him from the big wigs.

So, Operation, just like, "Nuke the Luke."

- Yeah. - All right. I can do that.

- Okay. - Let's do it.

Let's smash that Swede.

I'm tired. It's a lot, you know, the pre-election prep.

- You know? - Oh, right.

- Yeah. I bet, I bet, I bet. - Yeah. It's a lot.

Hey, so are you, uh...

In the company, are you hands-on or more of an overview guy?

Um, I... Interesting.

I... I guess... Well, let me ask you this.

What would you value more highly?

Really? No.

Because I like to think that I can do both.

You know, I get my hands dirty and clean noggin,

and, you know, multi-tasker.

Okay. You're kissing my ass.

- No! I'm not kissing your ass, Lukas. - No?

- You're too smart. You'd spot it a mile off. - Yeah.

- Hey! - Hey.

I'm about to take a shit in your husband's mouth,

and I'm pretty sure he's gonna tell me

- it tastes like coconut. - No, no. I'm not. I'm not.

No, but seriously,

it's a really, really nice place.

- Thank you. - Thanks.

Uh. who'll get to keep it in the divorce?

- Yeah. - Okay, should we, uh...

- Yeah. - ...hit up some people?

- Yeah. Good to see you. - Talk to you later.

- All right. - Yeah.

- It's good to see you. - Yeah, yeah. You too, Gary.

Uh, yeah. So, you need to hit Nate, Carly, uh, Valerie first.

- But I need to keep an eye out for my brothers... - Yeah.

...and, uh, you just need...

You've done this before, so just don't, um...

- You know, don't... - Don't? What?

- If you could... - Don't scream "people are data"

and stick my dick in the guac?

- Yeah, sure. Don't. Yeah. - Don't do that.

Yeah, you're about to purchase one of the most prized cultural assets

and political communication channels in America,

and you need to prepare the ground because otherwise,

your many fucking enemies will portray you

as some jerk-off coder from Gothenburg. Okay?

I am a jerk-off coder from Gothenburg.

- Well... - Right? Right, Ebba?

- You remember Ebba? - Hi! Yeah.

Good to see you again. How are you?

You too. Oh, I'm, you know, who cares?

"Who cares?" Yeah. Charming.

Okay. Oh, uh, well,

not that you need to do anything about this now,

but you should fire your lobbyists. Just so you know.

You need rainmakers and not weather forecasters.

Sure. It... it's just not really my arena. I'm sorry.

It's more Andreas...

You don't have to apologize, Ebba.

It's... It's just information we're sharing. That's all.

It's, um, social anxiety.

The only PR person in the world who hates talking to people.

- Oh. - Yeah.

I don't love parties, but I'm good.

Whereas I love them. I do.

- Oh! Great. - Skål.

Yeah. So, I have a number two who's moon-beamed on edibles,

and a communication officer

who's terrified of communicating.

Oh. Brilliant.

So, Mogadishu is a no-go.

- Of course. - It's a death sentence.

Frankly, uh, we're insulted.

- Oh. Are you? - But I would like

to roll through all the options.

So, as a brother, what's the top option?

Okay, let me... Let me have a little a look.

I would love to get to Europe.

Can I creep up through the underbelly?

Come up through the Balkans?

A couple of senior departures, Berlin by Christmas?

They may be willing to talk Slovenia or Slovakia.

Mm-hmm?

Mm, yeah, I think I'm a no on the Slos.

What about South Korea? Hmm?

South Korea. Top ten GDP, major geopolitical player.

I feel like that would be tough.

- North Korea? - Oh, easy, my liege.

You don't know. Nobody knows. That's the point.

I could open it up like Nixon did China.

Con, they're not gonna put you anywhere with nukes.

Well, that's insulting. I don't think I wanna go

anywhere that doesn't have nukes.

All right. Well, how do you like Oman?

- Oman? - Yeah.

Poor man's Saudi Arabia or rich man's Yemen?

Hmm. I have to check.

See what my wo-man thinks about O-man.

Nice.

- Yup, good. - All right, good.

Well, I... I guess, essentially, I'm a self-made guy

who came up with a really cool product that people love.

I send you my 9.99 a month. I'm no hater.

- 'Preciate it. - But Daniel is troubled by out-of-control algos.

- He is worried that you... - Yeah.

...bleep-boop guys are gonna data-mine us all to death.

Yeah, no, no. I... I totally get that.

And, uh, in terms of all this,

someone's gonna pick up the assets, right?

So... who's that gonna be?

Is it gonna be, and no offense, Shiv, uh, but the failsons?

Really? Is that a good option?

They will do what he did,

but they will do it stupider and uglier, and less amenable.

And, surprisingly,

Lukas is actually pretty amenable.

- Amenable? - Yes.

What about leadership at ATN?

Well, I would definitely make some major leadership changes

- at the top of ATN. Yes. - Really?

Oh...

Oh, Tom.

I can't wiggle my way in there.

He's just busy slobbering up Nate with Shiv.

They're just talking, Greg.

Uh, can you... Can you push a few more of these?

Um, and... No, actually, put them away

so we create a kind of scarcity thing?

- Hey, man. - Hey, man. Brother.

Been a minute. Listen, uh...

I know we haven't had a chance to talk.

I'm sorry, man.

- Yeah. - He was, um...

What can I say? Jesus. I can't imagine.

Yeah, it's tough, but, uh,

you know, life keeps a-rollin', right?

But you, man.

You throwin' off some kingmaker vibes.

Fuck, yeah. How's Daniel?

- Can I shoot you names? Uh... - Mm.

You know, you can make a decent, uh...

You can make a decent cabinet for my fucking poker night.

Sure, yeah, yeah. The activists would love that.

Look, dude, I'm just gonna give you my rap straight.

- Okay? Is that okay? - Uh...

I think we could be really good for you guys.

Like, I'm talking major reset of the dialogue,

which I am personally invested in.

But that only happens if this deal goes away.

Hm. Uh-huh.

Yeah, you know, board-wise, shareholder-wise,

we can't come out publicly. But the deal,

you should know the deal is headed to the woodshed.

GoJo has had incredible growth. He's a charismatic figure,

but he's gonna get wrung out.

And, you know, there is really legitimate concern here.

DOJ or FTC balking at the sports overlap?

- The FCC over foreign ownership of broadcast? - Uh-oh. He's pitching me.

No, I'm s... I'm telling you.

I think maybe CFIUS might have a word to say about Matsson's,

you know, extreme political positions

and fucking Holocaust jokes.

Sure. So, uh, so what?

So, you guys come out for regulation pretty soon,

and we give you a better ride in the first hundred days.

Man, I forgot how eager you were to get laid at a party.

Let me check in.

Cool. All right. Love it. Would love to get laid.

Could we have the room?

So, you're doing great. Yeah, eminently plausible.

- Nice wordings. - Yeah? Really?

- Yeah, yeah. You're doing good. Yeah. - All right. Nice, nice.

Nate, I think, really liked talking to you.

And Carly loved you.

- So, yeah. - Oh, cool, cool.

I wasn't sure, 'cause I don't always read people great. So...

Yeah, no, it's good. You're good.

Yeah, you've hit the A-team,

and so now, I think we should build your profile with the...

the op-ed narcissists and the Beltway psychos.

All right. Bang, bang, bang!

- Yeah, sure. Yeah. - I like this. I like this.

You know, I thought these people would be very complicated,

but it's... they're not.

It's basically just, like, money and gossip.

- That's it. - Oh, yeah. No, that's all it is.

Just money and gossip. That's everything.

All right. Well, take me down to the paradise city!

- Let's do this! - Great! Well. Mm.

Uh... At this point,

I think I would like to ask the question,

not that I don't love heaving you around like a great lump of pine

and making you shine. Uh...

But what have you done for me lately?

Okay, well, uh...

What do you want?

I... I really like talking to you.

So, you... you can have...

You can have whatever you want.

Okay, so this situation's not without risk for me.

So if I was to move to actively engage

in assisting you with the acquisition, then I would need to know

that it leads to a very, very, very significant role.

- Three verys. Wow. - Yeah.

- Okay. Okay. - Mm-hmm.

Carry on.

So, I know the company. I know everything.

I know my way around. I'm collaborative.

I have the name. I am...

I'm hot shit and I'm ready to go. Okay?

Okay, um...

- Can I think? - No.

All right. Uh...

Okay, uh...

Let's... I would hate to lose you.

So... so let's, um...

Why... why don't we circle back in a bit?

- Okay? Okay. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah, sure. Of course.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

You are doing good out there, you know?

- All right. - You're like a self-teaching AI.

I'm just gonna take five, and then I'll be back

with the dipshits and limpdicks.

Yeah, sure.

Hey, hey. Hey, Bony Moronie.

- What's up? - Can you lend a hand?

- Uh... - Matsson.

Can you, like, look after him?

Uh, yeah. I... I guess he occasionally

has expressed a distaste, uh, in the past, for...

my particular flavor of me.

- Just find him a blunt. Or something stronger. - Yeah?

Point his dick in the direction of some fissile material. Yeah?

- Yeah. Okay. - You got it.

I can try.

So, Tom, are you going to imperil democracy tomorrow?

Yeah. "You against the wall.

You against the wall.

You're a nice guy. You can live. Bang, bang, bang, bang!"

- Oh, yeah. Come on, please. - That's what I'll do.

I can assure you Mr. Mild here is a one-pepper menu item.

Thank you, dear.

And plans after the deal goes through?

I hear you may be headed elsewhere.

Oh, well, you know, I've always got options.

Why? Wh... what did you hear?

- Well, maybe I heard wrong. - Uh-huh.

- Uh... Okay, okay. Um... - Sorry. Excuse me, Scott.

That is some top-shelf rat-fucking there.

- Yeah, bye-bye. Yeah, yeah. - Something juicy?

The deep dive on Matsson. It's pretty juicy.

Apparently, he's been creeping on Ebba, his comms.

Sending her some weird shit.

Blood, bits of hair.

- Perhaps some other things. - Num, num, num.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Nate. Hey, Nate.

- You want in on this? - You're gonna want in on this.

Yeah, you wanna hear something nasty about someone terrible?

- Matsson shit. - Um, sure.

- Um, I gotta go. - You're going?

- Yeah. - Okay, but we're good

on the situation?

Daniel's people aren't too comfortable

with me rubbing shoulders with you.

And, uh, yeah, Coop... likes to yap and, uh...

Um, yeah. Looks a little cozy. So...

- Apologies. - Okay, but...

But, you know, I think there is something here.

These are legitimate concerns.

I mean, just tell Daniel. I mean...

we can make primetime safe for you.

- I'm gonna be straight with you. - All we need is one sentence

- signaling to the markets... - I don't feel comfortable with

the tenor of this conversation.

You don't feel comfortable with the tenor of this conversation?

Don't play hall monitor with me, bro.

Right? I know you.

- I know who you are, my friend. - Ken.

I don't know what you think this is. I'm not Gil.

You're not Logan. That's a good thing.

I'll see ya.

And so, where would we live, exactly, in Oman?

In Muscat, I should think. In a compound.

Okay, but would it be above ground?

Of course, above ground, Willa.

"Pearl of Arabia."

- Huh? - Okay.

"The Sultan's word has the force of the law."

- Mm-hmm. - Great.

At the airport, we'd walk right through.

Okay.

- And this is for Mencken? - Mm-hmm.

You know, all my family and friends hate Mencken.

Diplomatic plates. You can park anywhere.

You can basically drive on the sidewalk. The police can't touch you.

Running people over is not a selling point.

Fucking Greg.

- Hey. My Swedish friends. - Hey. Yeah.

Nice to see you.

- Yo! - Ja!

- Fucking hanger-on. - Hey!

You fucking dingleberry.

Dude, I'm on a charm offensive here.

Can you be kind?

Would you like to join us?

Would you like to fuck off?

My God!

Seriously, Oskar. I'm gonna fire you.

Okay, Ebba. Can you fire him, please?

Can you?

Oh, I'm sorry. Is this boring you?

I've seen him cut your balls a hundred times.

Yeah, it's a little bit boring.

Look at him! Sadistic face, he loves it.

- I do! - He loves being fired.

I would... I would like to fire Ebba, though.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

But I can't because she's, uh,

created and fostered this, uh, situation

in which I find it very difficult

to do what I want.

I'm not saying you've done it on purpose,

but it is quite interesting

that you have sort of tenure

'cause we've mingled.

- Lukas. - Ebba.

I'm not sure if you're kidding but, uh...

I could help.

- I'd fire her if you want. - Yeah?

Yeah. I'd fire her right now.

I've got some recent experience in this, uh, arena.

- Would you do that for me? - Instantly. Sure.

It's on. Guys.

Guys, gather 'round.

This guy is about to fire my senior comms.

- Uh... No hard feelings. - The jokes are funny.

The jokes are very funny.

- Ebba! Ebba! - Wow!

Come on!

You know what, Lukas? I wish you would fire me.

- Ebba! - Ebba!

- Ebba! - Ebba!

It's not the attitude

of the employee that we want at our company.

You okay?

- Hi. - We... we... We just... We saw...

You know, we just wanted to make sure...

Check in, make sure you're okay, like, on a human level.

We... We saw..

- Yeah. - Yeah. Like, are you... You good?

I... I'm... I'm really... I'm totally fine.

Don't worry about it.

- All right. Well, good. That's good to hear. - Okay.

- Right? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Totally. - He seems kind of awful.

We've...

You know, we... we built his whole rep.

He's not even a real coder.

Someone gave him, like, a box of tech,

and he took it to market, you know? "Bravo."

Yeah. Bravo.

Well, yeah, we just wanted to say

we... we... we sympathize with all the shit.

Well, I'll be out in February anyway. So...

Really? That's a shame.

And... is that because of the...

sending you of, you know, whatnots?

What? No. It's... I mean...

That's pretty much the least of his worries right now.

Okay. All right. Because...

- India. - India. Right.

Uh, and I feel like I know this,

but what are the details here with that?

The details?

Oh, yeah. I'm gonna give you all the details.

- Sure. - Right.

Can I... Can I get... Can I bum a smoke?

- Yeah. - Thank you.

Sure.

So, ATN is saying, "Dems Positive Polls a Radical Misinformation Plot."

- Ballsy. - Like to keep things peppery.

I mean, did we mention he's tired? Yeah.

I guess he can't be across everything,

can you, tired boy? Hey?

But you should call Pam on that

'cause, you know, everyone here is needling me. So...

Then you should tell them to stop wetting their pants.

Okay. Well, I get that, Tom.

But, also, you heard about the Phoenix thing?

The O'Malleys firebombed a fucking campaign office?

- Scary shit. - Exactly.

A firecracker. A pair of firecrackers

- taped together. - Uh, pardon, pardon.

- Sorry. May we borrow the lady for a second? - Sure. Oh, sure.

- Thank you, Tom. - Don't mind me. I'm getting fired.

- Guess what? - What? The Phoenix thing?

- It's pretty wild. - Nope.

Matsson's numbers are funky.

- Mm-hmm. - Uh...

- Sorry, what the fuck are you talking about? - Yeah, Ebba spilled.

Screwy metrics in India.

Matsson has been peddling bundles

of South Asian packing peanuts.

What? You mean, like...

Okay. So, significant numbers?

Yeah, yeah, we think so. Big, big.

I fucking knew he was a bullshitter.

I'm telling you, new money.

You gotta hold those fresh bills to the light.

Uh-huh. Wow!

Okay. Wha... Fuck.

- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

You said a hundred scalps in three days?

Mm-hmm. Hundred.

Mr. Nephew. That's a...

That's quite a number. I...

I thought you were backwash at the bottom of the gene pool,

but this is something else.

- You're the real deal. - Yes, you underestimated me,

- and that's exactly how I wanted it, Lukas. - I believe I might have.

Mm. Well, how did you do it?

Uh, I don't know, I just do it.

- Just jackknife right in there. - Yeah.

And slit their throat.

It must feel, afterwards, a bit...

a little bit shitty, right?

Honestly, not really.

HR says I'm the right guy for the job

because it looks like I care but I don't.

- Not a good person. - No, I am. I am. It's just...

you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

Do you though?

- Hey, there she is. - Hey.

- Hey. - Welcome to the kids table!

Can I, uh, talk to you for a second?

Oh, yeah. Is it time to up the periscopes?

Um, yeah. Sorry to break up the brains trust.

You sit, Slim Reaper.

A butcher with a smile.

What's, uh...

Why... why... Why are we running?

- Is there a fire or what? - Uh, yeah, there might be.

So, what's your...

What's happening with your numbers?

- What numbers? - What numbers? Lukas.

Oh, in... Oh, in India?

Yeah.

Is this Ebba or Oskar?

Huh. Okay.

Um...

Uh, well, we... we... we... we... We have a...

There's a little issue, uh, that we're looking into,

with subscriber numbers,

uh, being, uh... being bullshit and...

Well, not bullshit. But, um...

A little... a little bit bullshit.

What does "a little bit bullshit" mean?

Uh... Well, maybe we discovered a metrics error

that has overstated our subs in India.

Like, by quite a...

Like if there were two Indias, it would make sense.

- You "maybe" discovered? - Yeah.

But there isn't two Indias. There's only one India.

- No. Yeah. - And it's...

It's just... It's a long story. But it's, like, you know.

It's an emerging market. It's... it's all wet cement.

- It's, um... - So, stock and cash deal,

the board would be well within their rights to pull out.

You know... You know that, obviously, so how are you...

What are you... When are you addressing?

- Like, how are you handling? - I'm not gonna... I don't...

I don't want some forum monkeys just shorting me.

I don't... I don't like when people get into me.

It's gonna get out eventually.

Well, or we buy Waystar, and it gets lost in the deal dazzle.

SEC, DOJ, is this...

- Is this even legal? - Well, we close quickly,

and then shit will get crazy good.

By next quarter, the numbers will be real, probably.

Uh-huh.

Come on. It's... It's kind of funny though, isn't it?

- Uh... - All right. I know it's...

I know it's pretty bad. I know it's pretty bad.

Yeah.

You can fix it though, right?

- Oh! Yeah, sure. - Right?

I'll just build another fucking India.

Love that. Build another India.

Yeah. That's my girl.

Fuck me.

Hey. Hey, Gerri.

Let me guess. "I'll have a martini."

Can we chat about stuff?

I have some thoughts and might need your advice.

- No. - No? Just no?

- Gerri? Gerri. - What?

The thing, that wasn't...

The firing-you thing? That wasn't real.

- No? - No.

No, it was like in the heat of the...

- You know? You know. - No.

No? Okay. Well, come on. Let's...

Let's have a fuckin' chat, okay?

I'll, uh... I'll stand in a cupboard and jerk off

while you explain to me what the SEC is, okay?

Oh, really? No? Too soon?

What do you want? You want, like, a sorry?

I got a whole purse full of sorries.

- I'm sorry. - I'm out.

- I'm done. - Bullshit.

Dad fired people all the time.

I was just feeling kind of fire-ish.

Look, I have some requirements you should know about.

- Mm-hmm. - Several of which

have been officially communicated,

and some that I thought I should, uh, you know,

- say in person. - Okay. Ooh!

- Robo-Gerri. Scary. - First of all, I want money.

- Mm-hmm. - Eye-watering sums.

Hundreds of millions of dollars.

No. Pass.

So, I have retained personal reputation management.

- Mm-hmm. - And they will be on the line when Karolina

does her background briefings off a set of my bullet points.

Mm-hmm. I will set off your bullet points.

And if I ever get a whiff

of anything undermining my narrative

- anytime in the next five years... - Mm-hmm.

I will sue and I will go public...

- with the many, many... - So stupid.

...pictures of your genitalia...

- All right. Great. Mm-hmm. - ...that I have in my possession.

- Have I made myself clear? - Yes, absolutely.

It's been a pleasure working with you, Gerri. Thanks.

I could have got you there.

But no. Nope.

Nope.

See ya.

Okay.

Hey, Con. Can we, uh... Can we settle this now?

Everyone is quite freaked out about this political firebombing

- in Arizona. - Oh, yeah. The pop-pops in Phoenix?

- Yeah. - The wastepaper basket on fire?

I think a file cabinet was in the ICU. Can we draft?

Well, actually, there's been a...

- slight change of heart. - Get the fuck outta here. You got it.

You got your bauble. It's great.

Let's write up a fucking statement, okay?

Wind up the old fax machine and fart it out to your oddball army, okay?

We wonder, Roman, if he might have...

invested too much in this campaign to just, you know,

- drop out now. Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

That's so cool. You tried. You failed.

You move on. Find something new.

He's fought hard.

And we wanna find out what might happen, okay?

He might write, you know, a book about this,

- or a speaker circuit, or... - Hey!

Nothing is gonna happen. Okay?

Anything might happen tomorrow, actually.

- Really? Anything? - Mm.

Yes, see? Because that's the beauty of this little system

that we have called democracy.

Con! Man! Eat the fucking carrot. Okay?

Everyone in this room thinks you're a fucking joke.

So tell your "wife" to shut the fuck up, cover her shoulders,

- and pack a fucking bag for Oman, okay? - Rome. Rome.

- I'm talking here. It's okay. - Easy.

There's one person here...

- who doesn't think I'm a joke. - Mm-hmm.

So that's who I'm gonna listen to, okay?

That's smart. Yeah, listen to her.

- Willa, honey? - Yeah?

- Bye. Nice to meet you. - Pleasure, sir.

You got my vote, a hundred percent,

- if I could vote. - I'm trying to help you, man.

I am trying to help ya.

Really nice party.

Cool, cool family.

Oh. Thanks, man. Tweet about it.

So, who's, uh...

Who's going out tonight in this shitty fucking town?

Anyone?

I gotta say, it's pretty depressing from up here.

You can really see how second-world it is.

I don't know, pretty happening town, famously.

Really? Is it though?

- Yeah. - Compared to Singapore, Seoul,

it's like Legoland.

You know we still run shit, though?

Hmm. Like as in, "Only in New York."

- Yeah. - Right. Okay.

Well, uh, nothing happens in New York that doesn't happen everywhere.

You should get that written on a cup. Right?

Shouldn't he get that written on a cup?

Like, that would look so cool.

You could sell that in a... in a head shop in Rotterdam.

- Could be a... a good business for you. - Mm-hmm.

'Cause I hear you might need some new revenue streams.

Yeah.

Hey, really, really good presentation by the way.

Loved it.

Can't wait to get into those predictions, man.

- Those meaty predictions. - Oh, yeah.

- Yes! Gonna be fun. - Yeah? Yeah?

I'm excited about that. Estimates. You know, estimates.

- Yup. - But you, man. Your numbers.

Exploding, right? Like, literally unbelievable.

Well, thank you. Thank you. And congrats to you as well,

'cause I hear your numbers are gay.

- My numbers are... are what? - Gay.

- My numbers are gay? - Yeah.

You have this, uh, cute little valuation,

and your numbers just came out as gay.

That's kinda homophobic, man.

Dude. Just let the wave hit you.

Float out.

I think I am the wave though, actually.

You think you are the wave? Because you love the deal?

Are you kidding? Biggest over-pay in history.

- Love that shit. - Okay.

- Love it. - All right, well...

- Love the deal. - Whoo! Love the deal.

Love the deal.

Whoo!

- Come on. Come on. Come on, brother. - Love it! Love the deal.

Yes.

- All right. - Love the deal.

Love the deal! Love the deal.

- The fuck? Bit of a show. - Hugging it out.

- Uh-huh? - Hey. I'm gonna...

- What? - Yeah. I'm done.

I'm... I'm gonna... bed. I'm bushwhacked.

My eyes are sandpaper. I'm just...

Okay, well, we... you can stay up for just a little longer

- and say good night to people together. - Shiv, do you know

what my day looks like tomorrow?

Tom, you're not gonna be doing anything.

You'll just be lookin' for shiny foreheads. It's fine.

- I'm... - You can stay for 45 minutes more.

I'm just a little tired

because all the fun gossip that I've been hearing

from everywhere at this party, in my house,

is that I'm gonna be shit-canned.

I got faith in you, man.

- Always been a loyal servant. - Lots of faith.

Sorry...

Not helpful.

- The fuck is wrong with you? - You know, I just

really do need to get some sleep. I really do.

I'm sorry. Can we just leave it there?

- Please? Okay. - You're tired. I get it.

You keep on fucking saying. So, yeah, you're tired.

Okay, okay, I'm tired. Let's leave it there.

Keep fucking telling everyone.

- Okay, okay. I'll stop. - You're tired. I get it.

I'm sorry.

I'm just... you know, I am just worried about, you know...

Maybe I've nailed myself to the Matsson cross,

and he might turn out to be bullshit.

You know, he's erratic and... and... and... and...

You know, maybe he isn't real.

Shiv, he's real. He's the future.

No, Tom. He...

There is a time bomb in his numbers, and I might get blown up.

You'll be fine.

- You'll always be fine. - No.

No, I am fucking my family for this.

Can I just say something?

At this party here, there are maybe 40

of the most important people in America,

and you have just walked all around, all evening,

telling them all that I'm gonna get fired.

No, it was implied, lightly, as a little...

God! Part of a tactical kind of joke.

Will you explain to me, uh, the joke?

- Because I don't get the fucking joke. - Oh, my God. Tom!

- I don't get the joke. - It was something that he said,

that isn't true, that we needed to say.

But you stood by his side, and he said it,

and you were like, "Okay, well, that sounds good to me."

Fuck's sake. I'm not doing this right now.

You know...

I am in serious trouble. That was a play.

You will be okay

because you are a tough fucking bitch

who will always survive because you do what you need.

- You will do whatever you need. - Are you even listening? I will be okay?

- Yeah? Really? - Yeah.

You sure you're not projecting? Because that is actually you.

Should we have a real conversation?

- With a scorpion? No. - That was a friendly thing.

- That was a friendly thing. - Oh, yeah. Sure. Real friendly.

Ha, ha, ha.

Yeah, no. Uh, I'm a scorpion.

You're a hyena. You're a... You're a street rat.

Actually, no. You're a fucking snake.

"Here's a dead snake to wear as a necktie, Tom.

Why aren't you laughing?"

I wonder if we shouldn't clear the air.

- Yeah? Mm. Sure. - Yeah.

I think that you can be a very selfish person,

and I think you find it very hard

to think about me.

- What the fuck? - And I think...

you shouldn't have even married me, actually.

What the fuck? What the actual fuck?

You proposed to me.

You proposed to me at my lowest fucking ebb.

My dad was dying. What was I supposed to say?

- Perhaps, "No"? - I didn't want to hurt your feelings.

Oh, thanks! Thanks for that! Yeah, you really kept me safe

while you ran off to fuck the phone book.

Oh, fuck off. You're a hick.

- And then... And then... - Conservative hick.

You hid it because you were so scared

of how fuckin' awful you are.

You were only with me to get to power.

Well, you got it now, Tom. You've got it!

I'm with you because I love you!

Bullshit. You're fucking me for my DNA.

You were fucking me for a fucking ladder

because your whole family is striving and parochial.

That's not... That's not a fair characterization.

Oh, no? Well, your mom loves me more than she loves you

because she's cracked.

You wanna... You wanna actually clear the air? Fine.

You betrayed me.

You were going to see me get sent to fucking prison, Shiv!

And then you fobbed me off with that fuckin' undrinkable wine,

and you won't have my baby

because you never even thought, honestly,

that you'd be with me more than, like, four fuckin' years,

- I don't think! - You offered to go to jail, Tom!

You offered because you're servile!

You're just... You're servile!

You are incapable of thinking about anybody

other than yourself 'cause your sense of who you are, Shiv,

- is that fuckin' thin! - Oh, yeah?

- Yeah. - You read that in a book, Tom?

You're too fuckin' transparent to find in a book!

You're pathetic. You're pathetic.

You're a masochist, and you can't even take it.

I think you are incapable of love.

And I think you are maybe not

a good person to have children!

Well, that's not very nice to say, is it?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. But you... You...

You have hurt me more than you can possibly imagine.

And you, you took away the last six months

I could've had with my dad.

- No. - Yes.

- No! - Yes.

You sucked up to him, and you cut me out!

It's not my fault

that you didn't get his approval.

I have given you endless approval,

and it doesn't fill you up because you're broken.

I don't like you.

I don't...

I don't even care about you.

I don't care.

Have we cleared the air, huh? Feel good now?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Fuckin' great. Tip-top. - Uh-huh.

You don't deserve me. And you never did.

And everything came out of that.

Oof! So fu... fucking flat.

You, uh, find ways to have fun out there?

More or less.

The red wine smells like wet dog.

Listen, I just wanted to do five.

Just me and you. Just Franky and Kenny.

- Mm-hmm. - Not CEO and Chair.

- Oh, wow. - Yeah. I don't think the GoJo deal

is in the best interests of the shareholders,

- and I would like to explore ways of blocking it. - La, la, la, la, la!

- I don't wanna hear it, Ken! - What if I told you

his subs in India are significantly inflated?

I'm just gonna hit you with this.

What if we run it all the way back?

Do I even wanna know what that means?

We go reverse Viking.

We pillage their village.

Waystar acquires GoJo.

It... There would have to be major issues.

There are.

What if we could slow this down and we eat Matsson's lunch?

Bigger than Dad ever was.

Uh, Roman and Shiv?

Yeah, I don't know. Part of my plans.

I love 'em, but not in love with 'em, you know?

- Mm-hmm. - One head, one crown.

But I'll need ballast.

Are you with me?

Hi, everyone. Hi.

Bedtime for Bonzo!

Sorry, but please get the fuck out of my house now.

Yeah. No, no, no. Please.

Party's over 'cause I gotta sleep!

It's been a terrific night. Thank you so much. No, I am serious.

Off you go, go to bed. Enjoy your beds. Go home, cry.

I'm done. I'm done.

I can barely stand, but I've had enough. Good night.

- Good night, Tom. - Don't forget your coats!

- Hmm. - Fuck Tom.

Yeah. Fuck Tom.

Fuck Tom.

So, guys. Um... Funeral.

If nobody wants to grab it, I'm happy to take the big-energy spot.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- Uh... - Yeah. I mean, it...

seemed like nobody wanted it. So, I got it.

Yeah?

Sure, it's fine.

Knock yourself out. Just paint it red.

- Yeah. Happy? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Happy? - Happy.

Happy.

Happy, happy, headbangers.

Here we are. Okay. Mm!

Good night.

- Good night. - Night.

- Synced and corrected by naFraC - - www.MY-SUBS.com -