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1
00:00:02,330 --> 00:00:04,540
So the restaurant
is fully booked?
2
00:00:04,540 --> 00:00:06,210
Oh! Say you're Steve Martin!
3
00:00:06,210 --> 00:00:07,540
What if I said...
4
00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:10,380
...I'm Steve Martin?
5
00:00:10,380 --> 00:00:11,800
Hello?
6
00:00:13,510 --> 00:00:15,680
It's impossible to get a weekend
dinner reservation in this city.
7
00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:19,010
I can't keep asking my dates
to come with a full stomach.
8
00:00:19,010 --> 00:00:21,850
It-- It's creepy as hell.
9
00:00:22,810 --> 00:00:26,520
I finally got into that NYU
study for extreme sleepwalking.
10
00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:28,310
All it took
was security footage of me
11
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,940
in pajamas
driving that city bus.
12
00:00:30,940 --> 00:00:33,570
So what about you, Judge?
Any fun weekend plans?
13
00:00:33,570 --> 00:00:35,570
You know she doesn't.
She's just gonna lie
14
00:00:35,570 --> 00:00:38,490
and give us the plot
to a '90s movie.
15
00:00:38,490 --> 00:00:40,120
So you knew I wasn't coaching
16
00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:42,750
a Jamaican bobsled team
last weekend?
17
00:00:43,910 --> 00:00:45,960
Alright, look.
Jake's out of town,
18
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:47,920
so my life's been
kind of boring lately,
19
00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:51,130
but next weekend,
I am driving across country
20
00:00:51,130 --> 00:00:52,420
in my blue convertible
21
00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:55,260
with my best friend Thelma
and...
22
00:00:55,260 --> 00:00:56,840
Whatever! Just call court!
23
00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:59,720
The People vs. Jane
Doe.
24
00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:02,430
A living Jane Doe.
How refreshing.
25
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:04,140
When the defendant
was arrested,
26
00:01:04,140 --> 00:01:05,810
she refused to give her name
27
00:01:05,810 --> 00:01:09,610
and threw her wallet into
the water of a hot-dog cart.
28
00:01:09,610 --> 00:01:11,650
Please take off
your hat and glasses.
29
00:01:11,650 --> 00:01:15,450
I only allow anonymity in my
courtroom during Secret Santa.
30
00:01:20,450 --> 00:01:23,330
You're Mayim Bialik!
31
00:01:23,330 --> 00:01:26,460
TV's Blossom
is in our courtroom!
32
00:01:26,460 --> 00:01:28,370
Can we not make
a big deal out of it?
33
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,290
I put my pants on
one leg at a time
34
00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:31,670
just like any other five-time
35
00:01:31,670 --> 00:01:34,510
Emmy-nominated actress
with a PhD.
36
00:01:34,510 --> 00:01:36,670
You don't understand.
When I was a kid,
37
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,050
I would pretend that I was
best friends with Blossom.
38
00:01:39,050 --> 00:01:42,560
I could do your entire dance
from the opening credits.
39
00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:45,520
Is this like
that "Blossom" episode
40
00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:47,600
where a stolen item
turned up at a garage sale
41
00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,310
that you and Six were hosting?
42
00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:51,020
I physically assaulted a guy.
43
00:01:51,020 --> 00:01:54,030
Dr. Bialik was dining
in a vegan restaurant
44
00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:56,490
when she attacked the chef
with a tofurken,
45
00:01:56,490 --> 00:01:59,780
which is like a turducken,
but for no one.
46
00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:02,740
Your Honor, the restaurant
claims to be vegan,
47
00:02:02,740 --> 00:02:04,540
so can you imagine
my client's outrage
48
00:02:04,540 --> 00:02:07,160
when she discovered
the secret menu item,
49
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:11,540
which was a bacon sandwich
where the bread is steaks?
50
00:02:12,670 --> 00:02:14,250
Okay.
I-I think I've heard enough.
51
00:02:14,260 --> 00:02:15,710
Um, not guilty.
52
00:02:15,710 --> 00:02:18,840
And I fine the restaurant
$10 million.
53
00:02:19,550 --> 00:02:21,300
It's a vegan restaurant!
54
00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:23,810
They don't have
that kind of money.
55
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:25,890
You're right.
I can't be fair.
56
00:02:25,890 --> 00:02:29,060
But good luck finding a judge
who isn't a huge "Blossom" fan!
57
00:02:36,070 --> 00:02:38,280
{\an8}I can't believe
I totally embarrassed myself
58
00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:39,570
{\an8}in front of Mayim Bialik.
59
00:02:39,570 --> 00:02:40,990
{\an8}Younger me is so pissed
right now,
60
00:02:40,990 --> 00:02:43,580
{\an8}she's going through
another goth phase.
61
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,910
{\an8}Who cares
what an actor thinks?
62
00:02:45,910 --> 00:02:47,410
{\an8}Though I guess
if we had paid more attention
63
00:02:47,410 --> 00:02:48,830
{\an8}to John Wilkes Booth,
64
00:02:48,830 --> 00:02:51,130
{\an8}things might have
shaken out differently.
65
00:02:52,250 --> 00:02:53,880
{\an8}Oh. She's still here.
66
00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:56,210
{\an8}You think I should talk to her
and try to redeem myself?
67
00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:57,760
{\an8}Oh, Abby, yeah.
68
00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:00,430
{\an8}I-- And I mean this
from the bottom of my heart.
69
00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:02,140
{\an8}I don't care.
70
00:03:02,970 --> 00:03:04,680
{\an8}I just don't want to
sound like some stalker.
71
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:06,760
{\an8}You can't pull off stalker.
72
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:10,770
{\an8}I could totally buy you
as lonely Victorian ghost.
73
00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:13,270
{\an8}Okay.
I'm gonna introduce myself.
74
00:03:13,270 --> 00:03:15,770
{\an8}Gonna play it supes cool.
75
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:21,950
{\an8}50 bucks says she passes out
before they make eye contact.
76
00:03:21,950 --> 00:03:23,620
{\an8}I don't bet on friends.
77
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:25,410
{\an8}Told you I could take
the moral high ground.
78
00:03:25,410 --> 00:03:27,200
{\an8}Pay up, Sandy.
79
00:03:28,660 --> 00:03:30,620
{\an8}Hi, Abby. My name is Mayim.
80
00:03:30,620 --> 00:03:32,580
{\an8}I mean, your name is Abby.
81
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:35,710
{\an8}I mean, I'm Ab-im. No.
No one's Ab-im. Apologies.
82
00:03:35,710 --> 00:03:37,630
{\an8}I'm sorry. A-Are you okay?
Do you need help?
83
00:03:37,630 --> 00:03:40,380
{\an8}I'm a doctor, but not that kind.
84
00:03:40,380 --> 00:03:42,130
{\an8}I was just trying
to say hello,
85
00:03:42,130 --> 00:03:45,050
{\an8}but I'll stop bothering you now.
- You know what? Please don't.
86
00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:46,550
{\an8}Everyone assumes
when you're famous,
87
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:47,850
{\an8}you've got tons going on.
88
00:03:47,850 --> 00:03:50,140
{\an8}but honestly
my life's pretty boring.
89
00:03:50,140 --> 00:03:53,980
{\an8}I've stretched out
my skincare routine to 17 steps.
90
00:03:53,980 --> 00:03:55,400
{\an8}Mine's at 18!
91
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:56,810
{\an8}You know,
sometimes I play a game
92
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,520
{\an8}where I take a melatonin and see
93
00:03:58,530 --> 00:04:00,780
{\an8}how many I can get through
before I pass out.
94
00:04:00,780 --> 00:04:03,700
{\an8}- I play the same game!
- Ohh!
95
00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,570
{\an8}Okay. I'm just
gonna shoot my shot.
96
00:04:05,570 --> 00:04:07,530
{\an8}Is there any chance
you'd want--
97
00:04:07,530 --> 00:04:09,410
{\an8}Do the "Blossom"
opening credits dance with you?
98
00:04:09,410 --> 00:04:12,500
{\an8}Do you have any idea how many
people ask me to do that?
99
00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:14,540
{\an8}Zero. I'd love to.
100
00:04:14,540 --> 00:04:15,880
{\an8}Amazing!
101
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:19,170
{\an8}Um, Siri, play
my wedding processional.
102
00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:25,720
{\an8}♪ Stop all your fussin',
slap on a smile ♪
103
00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:29,930
{\an8}♪ Come out and walk in the sun
for a while ♪
104
00:04:32,850 --> 00:04:36,650
{\an8}Huh. So dancing
can be nonsexual.
105
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:39,860
{\an8}I can't believe
I danced with Blossom!
106
00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:42,190
{\an8}You know, I've actually done a
lot of things besides "Blossom."
107
00:04:42,190 --> 00:04:44,360
{\an8}"Call Me Kat."
"The Big Bang Theory."
108
00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:46,280
{\an8}Huh. You were in that?
109
00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:50,200
I only remember the girl
with the high voice.
110
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:52,000
She was great.
111
00:04:55,250 --> 00:04:56,920
Well, that's it!
112
00:04:56,920 --> 00:05:00,550
Society is officially
crumbling!
113
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:02,550
Time to fill your bathtubs
with water
114
00:05:02,550 --> 00:05:05,010
and melt all your fillings.
115
00:05:05,010 --> 00:05:07,430
Did someone see
a dog in a sweater?
116
00:05:07,430 --> 00:05:09,180
Oh! No! Worse than that.
117
00:05:09,180 --> 00:05:11,720
I'm running for the elevator
because the doors are closing.
118
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:13,890
I yell at the dude inside,
"Hold it!"
119
00:05:13,890 --> 00:05:17,850
He does nothing.
What happened to civility?
120
00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:19,230
You know,
what happened to the days
121
00:05:19,230 --> 00:05:20,770
of three-martini lunches
122
00:05:20,770 --> 00:05:25,030
and - and gentlemen
with big ideas like... war?
123
00:05:26,570 --> 00:05:28,320
You're not wrong.
Ever try to get
124
00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,280
the new Travis Scott Nikes?
125
00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:31,410
Hm?
126
00:05:31,410 --> 00:05:33,370
Forgot who I was talking to.
127
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,120
But that's the world.
What can you do?
128
00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:37,920
Oh, no. I'm gonna do
something, you know.
129
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,080
Because as those doors
were closing, I reached in
130
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:42,920
to try and stop them,
grabbed this.
131
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,920
When I find the owner
of this pocket square,
132
00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:49,840
there will be... a reckoning.
133
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,390
This gets a reckoning,
134
00:05:51,390 --> 00:05:54,310
but when someone pants'ed me
in court, nothing?
135
00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:58,140
Guess who just had the most
fun weekend of their life.
136
00:05:58,150 --> 00:06:01,310
It wasn't me. I couldn't
get a dinner reservation,
137
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,110
so I put a chef's hat on my mom
138
00:06:03,110 --> 00:06:05,780
and pretended
her apartment was a pop-up.
139
00:06:05,780 --> 00:06:07,450
But then word got out
and I couldn't get
140
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:10,030
a reservation there, either.
141
00:06:10,030 --> 00:06:12,030
It was me.
I had the fun weekend.
142
00:06:12,030 --> 00:06:13,740
Oh.
Did you finally start
143
00:06:13,740 --> 00:06:16,370
that "Little House on
the Prairie" OnlyFans?
144
00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:19,920
Mayim and I hung out,
and we had the best time.
145
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,130
We went shopping.
We prank-called Joey Lawrence.
146
00:06:22,130 --> 00:06:23,750
She snuck me
into a Mensa meeting.
147
00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:26,010
I got to wear glasses.
148
00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:29,890
We have different ideas
of what makes a fun weekend.
149
00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:33,510
So you and your new
celebrity friend
150
00:06:33,510 --> 00:06:34,970
spent the whole weekend
together?
151
00:06:34,970 --> 00:06:36,470
Yeah, and some of this morning.
152
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:37,810
She was at my apartment
when I woke up.
153
00:06:37,810 --> 00:06:40,230
- Ah.
- She came by with a gift.
154
00:06:40,230 --> 00:06:41,940
Oh.
155
00:06:41,940 --> 00:06:45,820
It's a picture of you--
fast asleep.
156
00:06:45,820 --> 00:06:47,820
Taken without your knowledge.
157
00:06:48,490 --> 00:06:51,410
Oh, this doesn't raise
any red flags, does it?
158
00:06:52,570 --> 00:06:54,620
She brought me a gift
and wants to be around me?
159
00:06:54,620 --> 00:06:55,990
No. It's flattering.
160
00:06:55,990 --> 00:06:57,790
I mean, if she's obsessed
with me at all,
161
00:06:57,790 --> 00:06:59,910
it's in a totally normal
and healthy way.
162
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:03,330
Hey! Just a reminder!
163
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:06,920
Even in the dark,
we can hear your zippers!
164
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,340
Abby?! Are you okay?!
165
00:07:09,340 --> 00:07:11,140
This feels healthy.
166
00:07:12,220 --> 00:07:13,720
Mayim.
What are you doing here?
167
00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,300
Well, I was just
in the neighborhood,
168
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,720
and it's a good thing I was
'cause it looks like
169
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:19,020
my best friend needs a lantern!
170
00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:20,890
And on the bright side,
now you can't work,
171
00:07:20,890 --> 00:07:23,900
so there's nothing
to keep us apart.
172
00:07:27,650 --> 00:07:30,530
Great. It's like a snow day.
173
00:07:30,530 --> 00:07:32,820
Except everyone is scared.
174
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:35,120
Hey. Where's your hat?
175
00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:48,380
You wanted to talk?
176
00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:51,090
Is this about
my not wearing a bra to work?
177
00:07:51,090 --> 00:07:54,890
Because I have a doctor's note
saying that I don't need one.
178
00:07:54,890 --> 00:07:56,680
I actually just wanted
to circle back
179
00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:58,310
on the stuff
you were saying about Mayim.
180
00:07:58,310 --> 00:08:01,390
Oh, you mean the fact
that she's a textbook stalker?
181
00:08:01,390 --> 00:08:03,350
Well, I wouldn't go that far.
182
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:04,940
Yeah, she's a little clingy,
183
00:08:04,940 --> 00:08:06,900
and I'm pretty sure she chewed
through a power line
184
00:08:06,900 --> 00:08:08,270
and blamed it
on a family of rats,
185
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:11,240
but "stalker"
makes her sound crazy.
186
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:15,110
The question is,
what type of stalker? Hmm.
187
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,740
Does she want you
all to herself,
188
00:08:16,740 --> 00:08:18,450
like in "Fatal Attraction"?
189
00:08:18,450 --> 00:08:21,410
Is it a "Single White Female"
where she wants to be you?
190
00:08:21,410 --> 00:08:23,960
Or is it the Julianne Special
191
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,380
where she just wants
your whole life destroyed
192
00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:28,840
while looking fabulous doing it?
193
00:08:30,170 --> 00:08:32,090
I think we just need to have
a conversation about boundaries.
194
00:08:32,090 --> 00:08:33,760
I mean,
how is she supposed to know
195
00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,380
I don't want her
digging through my trash?
196
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:37,510
She's not a mind-reader.
197
00:08:37,510 --> 00:08:39,810
Let me talk to Mayim.
198
00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:41,430
Now, I have a little free time
199
00:08:41,430 --> 00:08:45,810
since the oligarch I'm dating
was poisoned-- again.
200
00:08:45,810 --> 00:08:47,520
But, you know, the good news is,
201
00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:50,070
if she is a stalker,
you really don't have to worry
202
00:08:50,070 --> 00:08:53,200
until she infiltrates
your social circle.
203
00:08:56,070 --> 00:08:59,120
We are so excited to welcome
you into our social circle.
204
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,910
Well, I am so excited
to be welcomed.
205
00:09:01,910 --> 00:09:04,620
And I'm really sorry
about your sleep issues.
206
00:09:04,620 --> 00:09:06,960
I'm a neuroscientist,
so I can get you
207
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:08,750
into the sleep study
all the celebrities use.
208
00:09:08,750 --> 00:09:10,090
That would be incredible.
209
00:09:10,090 --> 00:09:11,460
I can't keep
waking up in Delaware.
210
00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:13,130
Ohh!
211
00:09:13,130 --> 00:09:16,130
And, Wyatt, if you ever need
to impress a date, let me know.
212
00:09:16,130 --> 00:09:18,260
I'm a neuroscientist,
so I can get you
213
00:09:18,260 --> 00:09:20,600
into all the best restaurants
under the city.
214
00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:21,890
Don't you mean in the city?
215
00:09:21,890 --> 00:09:22,970
No.
216
00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:26,230
What...
217
00:09:26,230 --> 00:09:27,980
That's so nice!
218
00:09:27,980 --> 00:09:29,690
And if there's anything
we can do for you...
219
00:09:29,690 --> 00:09:32,440
Well, actually, I'd love to
pick your brains about Abby.
220
00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:34,320
You know, small stuff
like favorite foods,
221
00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:37,820
allergies,
reaction time when startled.
222
00:09:37,820 --> 00:09:40,660
Are you throwing her
a surprise party?
223
00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:42,410
Sure.
224
00:09:42,410 --> 00:09:44,450
So just put all those tidbits
in a list.
225
00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:46,710
And if there's anything she's
touched, that would be great
226
00:09:46,710 --> 00:09:48,670
'cause I could use
her fingerprints.
227
00:09:48,670 --> 00:09:51,040
Uh, for the party!
228
00:09:52,090 --> 00:09:55,840
I just need security footage
from one elevator.
229
00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:59,180
Well, if you don't have
access to it, who does?
230
00:09:59,180 --> 00:10:01,970
What do you mean
"the highest bidder"?
231
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,930
That's a beautiful
pocket square.
232
00:10:04,930 --> 00:10:07,480
Oh, yeah, it belongs
to a Grade-A jackass
233
00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:09,850
who doesn't hold elevators.
234
00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:11,770
When the small niceties
crumble,
235
00:10:11,770 --> 00:10:13,650
is society so far behind?
236
00:10:13,650 --> 00:10:15,860
That's exactly what I said!
237
00:10:15,860 --> 00:10:18,150
But he remains at large,
looking ridiculous
238
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:22,450
without a--
without a single pop of color.
239
00:10:22,450 --> 00:10:24,200
Well, maybe I can help.
240
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,080
You know, as a neuroscientist,
241
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,710
I studied the effects
of sewing on the brain.
242
00:10:28,710 --> 00:10:34,000
This was clearly stitched
by a man in his early 80s,
243
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,590
French-Canadian.
244
00:10:35,590 --> 00:10:38,220
Straddling two worlds
but belonging in neither.
245
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:40,970
Wait a minute. That describes
only one haberdasher
246
00:10:40,970 --> 00:10:42,390
in New York--
Jacques Bernard!
247
00:10:42,390 --> 00:10:45,180
But he's never gonna
reveal his client list.
248
00:10:45,180 --> 00:10:47,980
Well, he would
if we had his granddaughter.
249
00:10:49,770 --> 00:10:52,150
Just hypothetically.
250
00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:56,860
I-I'll get us some coffee.
We'll find his weakness.
251
00:10:56,860 --> 00:10:59,740
And maybe a Danish?
252
00:10:59,740 --> 00:11:01,410
Two coffees, please.
253
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:03,410
Hello, Mayim.
254
00:11:03,410 --> 00:11:06,200
Interesting to see you spending
so much time in a place
255
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,040
that's basically
an indoor bus stop.
256
00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:10,920
You must really care about Abby.
257
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,210
Well, who wouldn't?
She's a special person.
258
00:11:13,210 --> 00:11:15,380
Alright. Spare me, stalker.
259
00:11:15,380 --> 00:11:19,420
I know that you are nuttier
than a bag of trail mix.
260
00:11:19,420 --> 00:11:22,590
Uh, Julianne,
you have me all wrong.
261
00:11:22,590 --> 00:11:25,930
I'm not a stalker.
I'm just a regular gal.
262
00:11:25,930 --> 00:11:29,770
Where would I even find
a woman-sized birdcage?
263
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:33,440
It would take the type of money
that only a regular cast member
264
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:35,980
on several genre-defining
sitcoms could afford.
265
00:11:35,980 --> 00:11:38,190
Am I right, girlfriend?
266
00:11:42,530 --> 00:11:44,070
Hey, Dan.
Have you seen Julianne?
267
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:46,120
I haven't been able
to reach her.
268
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,040
Have you tried a step stool?
269
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,250
Good news, Dan!
I got the lab results and--
270
00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:52,670
Oh. Hi, Abby.
- Mayim. You're here.
271
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:55,460
Right in the bull's-eye
of my social circle.
272
00:11:55,460 --> 00:11:57,000
She's using science
to help me track down
273
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,710
the owner
of the pocket square.
274
00:11:58,710 --> 00:12:02,130
Probably better than my method,
just screaming at strangers.
275
00:12:02,130 --> 00:12:04,260
I analyzed the fabric
and found traces
276
00:12:04,260 --> 00:12:06,220
of egg, sausage,
and horseradish.
277
00:12:06,220 --> 00:12:09,140
Horseradish. That is the
sandwich at the cafeteria!
278
00:12:09,140 --> 00:12:10,470
They use the horseradish
279
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:13,140
to mask the taste
of the salmonella!
280
00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:15,150
You know what?
I'm gonna call the local E.R.
281
00:12:15,150 --> 00:12:17,400
See who they've admitted today.
282
00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:21,110
That Dan is really something.
283
00:12:21,110 --> 00:12:23,030
I know all you see
is a gruff curmudgeon,
284
00:12:23,030 --> 00:12:24,740
but give him a chance.
285
00:12:24,740 --> 00:12:26,370
He'll really surprise you.
286
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:28,160
Hey!
I'm always surprised by Dan!
287
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:30,160
If I was one of those goats
that fainted
288
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:33,160
whenever they were surprised,
I'd never be awake!
289
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:36,460
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I know
what you're worried about.
290
00:12:36,460 --> 00:12:37,710
You do?
291
00:12:37,710 --> 00:12:39,630
You're not gonna lose me.
292
00:12:40,420 --> 00:12:44,130
In fact, let's find brothers
and marry them right now.
293
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,140
I would, but I-- I really
need to find Julianne.
294
00:12:48,140 --> 00:12:51,810
Julianne? Tall woman, slim,
not a neuroscientist?
295
00:12:51,810 --> 00:12:54,480
She mentioned something about
wanting to take some time off
296
00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:57,060
and not wanting anyone
to bother her.
297
00:12:57,060 --> 00:13:00,690
If I were you,
I'd never think about her again.
298
00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:07,280
There's something
I need to tell you guys.
299
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,870
It's gonna sound crazy.
Just hear me out.
300
00:13:09,870 --> 00:13:12,330
I think
Mayim kidnapped Julianne.
301
00:13:12,330 --> 00:13:14,460
- My Mayim?
- She's my Mayim.
302
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,040
What? She's not your Mayim
or your Mayim.
303
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:19,080
She's my Mayim,
and she's only talking to you
304
00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:20,500
to get closer to me!
305
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,670
Someone is
full of themselves.
306
00:13:22,670 --> 00:13:25,010
Judge, should we
be worried about you?
307
00:13:25,010 --> 00:13:28,140
Are you chewing nicotine gum
instead of regular gum again?
308
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:31,260
Because you know
that gives you the zoomies.
309
00:13:31,260 --> 00:13:33,390
Nicotine gum. Remember
to add that to Mayim's list
310
00:13:33,390 --> 00:13:36,390
under "Frequent Blunders."
- What list?
311
00:13:36,390 --> 00:13:38,730
Well, it was supposed
to be a surprise,
312
00:13:38,730 --> 00:13:40,560
but she has a list of things
she wants to know about you.
313
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:43,110
That's right. The woman
you accused of being insane
314
00:13:43,110 --> 00:13:44,570
actually cares
so much about you,
315
00:13:44,570 --> 00:13:46,400
she wants to know your
Social Security number,
316
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,910
the duration of
your menstrual cycle...
317
00:13:48,910 --> 00:13:51,330
Oh. Now I hear it.
318
00:13:54,330 --> 00:13:56,120
I don't feel good about
breaking into Mayim's apartment.
319
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:57,750
We're not breaking in.
320
00:13:57,750 --> 00:14:00,420
We're entering with permission
and snooping without.
321
00:14:00,420 --> 00:14:03,130
I don't want to upset Mayim.
She got me in to see the doctor
322
00:14:03,130 --> 00:14:06,090
that cured Usain Bolt's
restless legs syndrome.
323
00:14:06,090 --> 00:14:09,090
Imagine how fast
that leg was going.
324
00:14:09,090 --> 00:14:11,300
And I have dinner reservations
under her name.
325
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:12,600
I don't want to
burn any bridges.
326
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:13,970
You don't want to
burn any bridges
327
00:14:13,970 --> 00:14:15,720
with a kidnapping stalker?!
328
00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:17,600
Not until Sunday.
329
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:19,140
Okay. We'll be subtle.
330
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,150
Mayim can't have any clue
we're onto her.
331
00:14:21,150 --> 00:14:22,440
What are you guys--
332
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,650
- Hey! Hey!
- This wasn't my choice!
333
00:14:24,650 --> 00:14:26,780
I'm sleepwalking!
334
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:31,280
Um, you know, we were just, uh,
stopping by to tell you
335
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:33,530
that I found brothers
for us to marry.
336
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,120
I'd love to
hear more about it.
337
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:36,620
Why don't you come in?
338
00:14:36,620 --> 00:14:40,000
And, uh, pardon the mess.
I just remodeled.
339
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,460
Huh. It's super dark in here.
340
00:14:42,460 --> 00:14:44,630
Oh. I'll get the lights.
341
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,090
Whoa!
342
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:53,470
Well, this is cozy.
343
00:14:53,470 --> 00:14:56,520
You see? She turned her
apartment into my office.
344
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,640
Except better!
345
00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:02,310
Oh. Julianne.
You're safe and alive.
346
00:15:02,310 --> 00:15:03,770
You're alive and you're alive,
347
00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:06,730
and we're all gonna
stay that way, right?
348
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,650
You're so clever.
349
00:15:08,650 --> 00:15:11,570
I'm gonna drop this
in the kitchen.
350
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,330
Don't worry.
We're here to save you.
351
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:17,160
Save me?
I'm having a wonderful time.
352
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:20,000
You know, Mayim is
deliciously bonkers.
353
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,670
Wait. So this isn't
as bad as it seems?
354
00:15:22,670 --> 00:15:25,670
Oh, no. It is.
You're not safe here.
355
00:15:25,670 --> 00:15:27,300
Didn't you get my texts?
356
00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:29,470
Ah. Yeah, I got 'em,
and I came to Crazytown anyway!
357
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:31,880
Of course
I didn't get the texts!
358
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:33,590
Ah. They didn't go through.
359
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,850
Sorry. Your devices
won't work in here.
360
00:15:35,850 --> 00:15:37,970
This is a cellular dead zone.
361
00:15:37,970 --> 00:15:39,560
I don't like distractions.
362
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:42,810
The only downside is if
something terrifying happens,
363
00:15:42,810 --> 00:15:45,190
you can't call for help.
364
00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:50,400
Mayim! Look! So listen. The
cafeteria gave me all their--
365
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:54,570
Just a sec.
366
00:15:57,660 --> 00:16:00,370
So, hey, Mayim!
Nope. Still weird.
367
00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:03,460
Okay. Well, I guess
we should be going.
368
00:16:03,460 --> 00:16:04,750
Oh.
369
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:09,000
No. Please.
Make yourselves comfortable.
370
00:16:12,050 --> 00:16:16,300
In my opinionation, you're
gonna be here a long time.
371
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:24,190
♪ Stop all your fussin' ♪
372
00:16:24,190 --> 00:16:25,560
Abby, isn't this fun?
373
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:27,360
This is your dream, right?
374
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:30,030
It's everything I wanted.
375
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:32,190
You know what? Actually...
376
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,700
Let's take a break.
377
00:16:33,700 --> 00:16:35,860
It's time for my surprise.
Don't go anywhere.
378
00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:38,490
Kidding. You can't.
379
00:16:38,490 --> 00:16:40,080
Okay. We don't know
how much time we have
380
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,250
to find a way out of here.
- Yeah, yeah. Come on.
381
00:16:42,250 --> 00:16:44,670
Listen. We can take her!
382
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:47,250
There's only one of her,
and there's...
383
00:16:47,250 --> 00:16:49,290
four and a half of us!
384
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:50,840
Really?
We're in mortal danger,
385
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:52,550
and you're still making
height jokes?
386
00:16:52,550 --> 00:16:55,800
Oh, the unexpected timing
makes it funnier.
387
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,720
Maybe we can go
through the window!
388
00:17:01,470 --> 00:17:04,390
Maybe we can go through
the brick wall!
389
00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:06,560
No need, Wyatt.
If I can sleepwalk my way
390
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:09,060
into the Met Gala, I can
sleepwalk us out of here.
391
00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:10,860
Now, hush!
392
00:17:13,070 --> 00:17:16,910
Oh, shoot. I can't sleep
without my retainer!
393
00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:19,280
Okay. The remote is
the only way out of here.
394
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:20,740
We just need to figure out a way
395
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:23,000
to distract her long enough
to steal it.
396
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,370
So how do I look?
397
00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:31,670
So it is "Single White Female."
398
00:17:31,670 --> 00:17:34,970
I read you as
"Fatal Attraction."
399
00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:37,430
Oh. My bad.
400
00:17:37,430 --> 00:17:39,300
Mayim,
what do you want from me?
401
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:41,890
Isn't it obvious, Abby?
I want your life.
402
00:17:41,890 --> 00:17:44,560
Excuse me. You could pick
any life in the city,
403
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:47,020
and you chose hers?
404
00:17:48,230 --> 00:17:50,940
You know Kelly Ripa lives here?
405
00:17:50,940 --> 00:17:52,320
Abby has it all.
406
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:53,940
I want a coworker best friend,
407
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:57,530
a debonair surrogate dad,
a hot nerd,
408
00:17:57,530 --> 00:17:59,070
a "will they, won't they"
with a cougar
409
00:17:59,070 --> 00:18:01,490
fresh out of her cage.
410
00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:04,660
I think you're misreading
that relationship.
411
00:18:04,660 --> 00:18:06,870
Oh, she's not.
412
00:18:06,870 --> 00:18:09,500
Oh. Best-friend selfie?
413
00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:11,920
I can get the remote
414
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:14,210
just like snatching
a pocket square
415
00:18:14,210 --> 00:18:15,760
from that jerk in the elevator.
416
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:17,300
You know, Mayim,
I gotta be honest with you.
417
00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:18,590
I don't care anymore.
418
00:18:18,590 --> 00:18:20,390
I don't care
what you do to Abby.
419
00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:24,060
You can be her.
You can cook her. I don't care.
420
00:18:24,060 --> 00:18:27,890
All I care about is the
vulgarian who took my dignity.
421
00:18:27,890 --> 00:18:30,940
Now, will you help me go through
these receipts or not?
422
00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:34,530
I think that would be kind of
rude to my other prisoners.
423
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:36,030
Yes, we could ask someone
424
00:18:36,030 --> 00:18:37,860
who's not a neuroscientist
to do it.
425
00:18:37,860 --> 00:18:40,610
Well, that's dumb.
Give me those.
426
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,200
Okay. Good. You know,
there was an interesting one...
427
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:45,200
- Ohh!
- Yeah, yeah, I got it!
428
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,580
- What are you--
- Abby! Here!
429
00:18:46,580 --> 00:18:47,870
We're getting out of here!
430
00:18:47,870 --> 00:18:49,750
See you in hell, Bialik.
- Come on.
431
00:18:52,210 --> 00:18:53,420
Sorry.
432
00:18:53,420 --> 00:18:54,920
Only works with my fingerprints.
433
00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:57,970
Come on.
That's, like, Evil Genius 101.
434
00:18:58,970 --> 00:19:02,590
Abby, I thought
you were my friend.
435
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:05,850
But if you're not my friend,
then you're my enemy.
436
00:19:05,850 --> 00:19:09,560
And there's only one thing
to do to an enemy.
437
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,520
And scene! Scene. Scene.
438
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:14,860
That was amazing!
How did it feel?
439
00:19:14,860 --> 00:19:17,230
It felt good.
It felt really, really right.
440
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,780
Can someone explain
what's going on?
441
00:19:18,780 --> 00:19:20,950
Oh. Everybody, this is Bryan.
442
00:19:20,950 --> 00:19:23,030
He's my acting coach.
443
00:19:23,910 --> 00:19:26,580
This whole thing has been
character research
444
00:19:26,580 --> 00:19:30,160
for playing the role
of a stalker in a new play.
445
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:34,920
"The Cable Gal." What?!
446
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,170
Why? Who wants this?
447
00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:40,220
I'm really sorry
for the inconvenience,
448
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:41,930
but I had no choice.
449
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:45,010
It was the only way I could get
authentic reactions from you.
450
00:19:45,010 --> 00:19:47,020
Chills. I have chills.
451
00:19:48,180 --> 00:19:50,100
All this for a play?
452
00:19:50,100 --> 00:19:53,100
Rich people really
do love to waste money.
453
00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:54,690
I've got to tell you, Mayim.
454
00:19:54,690 --> 00:19:57,070
As far as actors go, I mean,
you've got my respect.
455
00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:58,400
You had me the whole time.
456
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,070
Uh, except when
you called Wyatt hot.
457
00:20:00,070 --> 00:20:02,530
Then I--
got out of it a little bit.
458
00:20:02,530 --> 00:20:04,700
But just a little bit.
459
00:20:05,450 --> 00:20:06,950
I do feel much better.
460
00:20:06,950 --> 00:20:09,040
Weirdly not as much
as I should.
461
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,620
I'm kind of disappointed
you don't want my life.
462
00:20:11,620 --> 00:20:13,750
Oh. Don't take it personally.
463
00:20:13,750 --> 00:20:16,250
I'm sure there's a lot of people
who would want to be you.
464
00:20:16,250 --> 00:20:17,750
Just not me.
465
00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:20,470
Because, I mean, come on.
I'm Mayim Bialik.
466
00:20:24,050 --> 00:20:27,300
You know what? It was nice of
Mayim to get us into previews.
467
00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:29,720
Hey. Two coffees. She's got it.
468
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:31,980
Well, I'm just gonna
go ahead and say it.
469
00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:33,270
The play was bad.
470
00:20:33,270 --> 00:20:35,810
The nudity
did not serve the story.
471
00:20:35,810 --> 00:20:38,440
{\an8}Abby, be cool.
472
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:39,570
{\an8}You know I can't!
473
00:20:39,570 --> 00:20:41,900
{\an8}Just-- Shh! That navy suit.
474
00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:44,530
{\an8}Look. That's what goes
with this pocket square.
475
00:20:44,530 --> 00:20:46,570
{\an8}Yeah. Alright, Elevator scum.
Why don't--
476
00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:53,410
{\an8}Oh. This box.
It's for you, Abby.
477
00:20:53,410 --> 00:20:56,380
{\an8}Oh. It's from Mayim.
478
00:20:57,130 --> 00:21:00,300
{\an8}Aww. She got me a hat.
Oh. There's a card.
479
00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:02,920
{\an8}It says "I'm so sorry...
480
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:04,170
{\an8}Aww.
481
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:07,050
{\an8}...I didn't kill you
when I had the chance."
482
00:21:07,930 --> 00:21:11,260
{\an8}So was Mayim behind the
pocket square the whole time?
483
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:16,020
{\an8}Or is this just her way to play
mind games to get attention?
484
00:21:16,020 --> 00:21:19,940
{\an8} I'm gonna
tell you! I hate actors!
485
00:21:24,610 --> 00:21:26,110
{\an8}It's funny!
37275
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