Original subtitles

( buzzer sounds )

$10, please.

Oh, man.

Sleep, little dumpling.

I have replaced your mother!

( mechanical whirring )

Aww.

Oh, my God!

Robot deely-boppers!

And there's a robot scratching post!

FRY: You should try it out, Bender.

Please, I have some dignity.

( deely-boppers sproinging )

Ladies and gentlemen

my killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun.

It is the finest available.

Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby!

No one calls me that!

I'm having at you!

Wernstrom!

( grunting and yelling )

Such senseless aggression.

Come on, let's go for a paddleboat ride.

( grunting excitedly )

The secret was scratching really, really hard!

( gulping )

ANNOUNCER: And now, the woman who "Mom"- opolizes the robot industry...

MAN IN AUDIENCE: I get it!

MAN 2: Oh, now I get it.

Hello, dearies.

( crowd cheering )

MAN 3: Whoo! I love that old bat!

Ladies and gentlemen, for the 17th year in a row

the future of robotics has arrived.

Boys?

I give you... Robot 1-X!

Ow!

Oh.

( crowd oohing and aahing )

( camera shutters clicking )

Neat.

Quite frankly, Robot 1-X

will put all my previous models to shame.

Incidentally, would one of my previous models mind coming up here?

Right here. I'm coming.

Come on, baby. I'll do it.

Jerk.

( grunts )

I'm your top-of-the-line, Mom.

( gulping )

Notice that this obsolete robot

runs on alcohol and emits pollution

whereas Robot 1-X runs on pollution

and emits pure oxygen with a fresh pine scent.

( huge belch )

( suction noise )

( quiet air hiss )

Man, that smells great!

Now let's see how both robots do at a typical household task:

sorting a jar of pocket change.

Task completed.

Total value: four dollars, 73 cents and one Albanian Lek.

Very good, Robot 1-X.

And you, bending unit?

Uh, I never got the change.

( sneaky chuckle )

( sotto voce ): Suckers.

Presenting Mom's Friendly Robots!

Ow!

( applause and cheers )

That new robot is great, huh?

He sure made me look like a pile of crap.

Indeed. That's why I bought one to help around the office.

( gasping )

Let's try him out.

Robot 1-X, can you clean Nibbler's stanky litter box?

I can and will.

Hey, I could've done that if you'd asked me!

I asked you five minutes ago.

( kissing sound )

You call that a kiss?

I'll show you!

Come here, Nibbler!

( loud kissing noises )

( Nibbler chittering )

Oh, look, Bender, if you want something to do

stop making out and give us a hand.

Here. Go up on the roof

and install this fake satellite dish

so we can impress the neighbors.

Yes, sir! I'm on it!

Oh, and have Robot 1-X help you.

Gah!

( droning )

Get out of here, freshman!

I don't need your help.

Our owners asked me to assist you.

Yeah? Well, assist this!

( grunts )

( yelling )

Heeeelp!!

( growls )

When I screamed help, I didn't mean you!

I apologize.

However, I was able to do your job

before I saved your life.

( loud clunking )

Don't mind me.

I'm just saving you the trouble of throwing me away.

Spleesh! Mell out, Bender.

Come watch some TV.

( grunting )

I can't; I'm stuck in the can.

Well, ask Robot 1-X to pull you out.

Never!

Why can't you accept his help?

I hate him!

But he's just a tool

to make your life easier.

Like a socket wrench or a burglar's kit.

I can't ask for his help because...

Yes?

( whispering ): I'm scared of him.

( cracking up )

Oh, sorry.

Well, then, there's only one solution.

You need an upgrade to make you

compatible with Robot 1-X's new technology.

( gasping ): An upgrade?!

But I thought we all agreed I was perfect!

Fry, didn't we agree I was perfect?

Oh, yeah, no, you're pretty perfect.

Pretty perfect?

So, you do think I need an upgrade.

Yes, for God's sakes, yes!

Fine. I'll be back in a few days.

Man, I hate those new 1-X robots.

I'd like to stab 'em.

Give 'em some of these!

( grunting and yelling )

Yeah! Right on, nutcake!

Parole officer says I got to upgrade

or he won't give me back my stabbin' knife.

But it's no big.

I bate those 1-Xs so much

I know it won't affect me.

Death to the 1-X robots!

( electrical crackling )

I love those magnificent 1-X robots!

The 1-X robots are my friends.

W-W-Wait! What happened

to your enthusiasm for stabbing them?

I'm past that.

Later, blood!

It's like he's not him anymore.

You took away his robo-humanity!

( mechanical whirring )

( electrical crackling ) ( screaming )

I changed my mind!

( Bender screaming in distance )

( scream grows louder )

Ooh!

( shorebirds squawking )

Yeah, I did it!

I escaped!

But to what kind of a life?

( loud squawk )

I'm too scared to get the upgrade

but I can't face my friends again without it.

( sobbing )

And so, I set sail for unknown shores.

Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner!

( thunder rumbling )

Oh, geez.

( thunder crashing )

( screaming )

Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

Boy, what is the deal with the ocean?

A tropical island, huh?

Well, I've washed up in worse places.

Okay, first up, I'm gonna need to build a shelter.

There.

Well, I guess I'll go out for a while.

Damn! One rock short of rescue.

( foghorn sound )

( foghorn sound )

( foghorn sound sputters )

Oop, low on power.

( chuckles )

Better fuel up.

Ah, no!

Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

( wailing sobs )

Okay, don't panic.

I've got these yams.

I'll just make some yam schnapps.

Hmm...

( bees buzzing )

( angry snort )

Hey, I should be mad at you!

Now turn around.

( drunken muttering )

( gibbering )

( Bender gasps )

Beer!

( straining )

( quacks )

Ow!

( clunk )

( whir and clunk )

( weak moans )

( worried muttering )

( jungle drums beating )

( rhythmic chanting )

Ow!

( mechanical screeching ) ( cymbal banging )

( gagging )

Who are you and why should I care?

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots

who refused to upgrade and came here;

Side B: ...to live a simpler existence

free of technology.

A working cartridge unit?

Wow, you guys went obsolete years ago.

Your mother.

What Cartridge Unit means

is the very things that make us obsolete

also make us unique.

I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel

or I'll power down forever.

( creaks )

Oh, God, I'll never make it this time!

This is the end!

Anyway, we like it here.

Like you have a choice.

So what's your problem?

Not enough...

Memory?

Oh, great. Now I remember that word

but I forgot my wife's face.

Oh, God, no! I want to live!

( water splashing )

If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society.

Look, no offense

but I need technology

especially e-mail and snowmobiles

and television.

Without television

how will I know what's buzz-worthy?

Why would you want to watch TV

when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end?

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Oh, man, he's never going to make it over that next pebble.

Wait... wait...

Oh, my God! He made it!

Yeah, way to go!

Woo-hoo!

That was the greatest thing ever.

Let's party.

* I'm all right

( humming along )

* Nobody's worried about me...

Yeah, baby, come on!

Where did you get that CD?

It's one of my ten desert island discs.

I never really thought I'd get to use them

but look at me now.

* Ooh, yeah, baby, do-do that dance *

* Do-do-do-do- do-do-do-do... *

CDs are unnatural.

Why don't you just listen to the ocean?

Which ocean? That ocean?

( surf roaring )

Wow. It's like the Earth making sweet, salty love to itself

while all the fish groove on it.

So much for this garbage.

( grunting )

Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard.

Bang, bang, bang.

You sure got this life thing figured out, cymbal-banging monkey.

Hi, Bender.

We know how much you miss technology

so we brought you this washing machine

that drifted ashore.

( gasps )

Ooh, I'm going to wash my linen so hard...

( chirping )

( snorting )

( grunting )

( water splashing )

I don't understand. Huh?

Wretched technology has brought me

nothing but misery.

But, Bender, you are a technology.

You're the most advanced thing on this entire island.

Oh, it's true.

I am a hideous triumph of form and function...

but not for long.

( banging ) BENDER: Ow! Ooh! Ee!

Oh, my ass!

Oh! Ow, that hurts.

Oh, ooh...

LISA: The downgrade is complete.

Behold my handcrafted purity.

The modern world can bite my splintery, wooden ass.

Ah...

Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity.

( blows raspberry ): Forget that.

I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways...

by force.

( all gasp )

What?!

We're going back to civilization

to wage war on technology!

What?!

( surf roaring )

BENDER: Row, comrades, row!

We'll soon stage an attack on technology

worthy of being chronicled in an anthem by Rush.

We've been sailing for three weeks.

Maybe I should check our position with the periscope.

Aye-yo!

Mirrors reflecting mirrors!

Hi-tech sorcery!

Sorcery, I say!

( grunting )

Did you see anything?

Yep, we're there.

Prepare to surface!

And now technology shall taste the lash of the hickory switch!

( grunts )

( grunting )

( kids crying )

( chuckles )

Technology is defeated.

Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks.

Yes! Yay!

Whoa, whoa.

No one wants to count rocks more than me

but our mission is not complete.

Not so long as Robot 1-X torments me

with his obvious superiority.

Ready the catapult, Sinclair!

BENDER: Aim for their power lines.

They're the devil's veins

and electricity is his blood.

Bender, if we don't survive the attack

I want you to know I love you.

Okay, fine.

Fire!

Oh, I'm blind!

Professor, we have no power.

What do you mean, no power?

We're living in the future.

I'd better light some candles.

Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives!

Free you from the complicated part, I mean

not the lives part.

Oh, Lord, he's made of wood.

What now, Bender?

I got a downgrade.

I'm a steam-powered wooden robot

just as nature intended.

Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X.

That's just stupid.

Does Mr. Bender wish me to destroy myself?

I don't need your charity.

Target Robot 1-X and fire.

( catapult clacks )

( stone whistling )

You wanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot!

Try again, Sinclair!

I said target Robot 1-X.

Who's Robot 1-X? Launching!

( catapult clacks )

( stone whistling )

So, I guess everything worked out fine.

( screaming )

( all yelling )

Great, now we're being crushed.

Help us, wooden Bender!

Ah! Those guys hate fire!

I got to do something.

What the...? Termites?!

Well, I don't need legs to save my friends.

I'll just use the old extenso-matic arms.

Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive!

Also, we're dying!

I'm a-coming.

( grunting )

Ow! Lousy primitive body!

Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade?

I'm an outdated piece of junk.

Sir, might I recommend...?

You shut up!

No, wait. I can use you as a tool to save my friends

and I'll still be the hero

who everyone says how great he was.

How may I help you?

Ah! Save my friends!

Ah! And Zoidberg!

( whirring )

( whooshing )

( all sigh )

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do.

Hey, where's Bender?

Down here.

( gasps )

I'm so sorry, guys.

I never meant to hurt you.

Just to destroy everything you ever believed in.

Well, at least you saved us from... uh... you.

Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility

with Robot 1-X.

Oh, yeah, we were totally in sync.

I was, like, "Save them."

And he was all, "No problem."

And then he did it.

This new technology is great.

I love those magnificent 1-X robots.

The 1-X robots are my friends.

It's like his personality is totally different now.

Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea.

I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the...

Hey, what's the dealio?

Your upgrade is complete.

But I destroyed the technology of the world.

I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my footcups.

Everyone experiences the upgrade differently.

Woof. If that stuff wasn't real

how can I be sure anything is real?

Is it not possible-- nay, probable--

that my whole life is just a product

of my or someone else's imagination?

No. Get out. Next.

Well, I guess reality is what you make of it.

( happy whistling )

Yep. Oh, thanks, baby.