Original subtitles

[ shrieking]

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle.

I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

PROFESSOR: Let's get this gargoyle hunt on the road.

Driving gloves, driving goggles, driving thong. There.

Uh, maybe I should drive.

[ laughing]

You? A woman?

I'm trying to catch a monster

not find the quickest route to the mall!

Let me just adjust the seat...

[ screeching, thuds]

[ grunting, gears grinding]

Whoa! Oh...!

My God, he's going to do it.

Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

[ beeping]

[ clicking]

PROFESSOR: Pazuzu!

[ horns honking]

Oh, Pazuzu...![ honking continues]

Hey, grandpa, move your wrinkly old keister!

Shut up!

For Heaven's Gate, Professor

this ship can do 99% light speed.

Why are we going 35 miles an hour?

Because we're in a hurry, that's why!

Plus, you have the high beams on.

PROFESSOR: I can't quite read the sign.

[ explosion]

Pazuzu!

Pazu... zu!

Yo, Captain Cataracts.

What are we doing here?

Oh, it's 2:30.

We can still catch the early bird dinner special.

Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle?

My wha...?

Hello, Mavis.

Surprised to see me back again so soon?

Mavis is dead.

I expect you'll want to see

my Angry, Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card.

Sir, this card is expired.

But it's good for a lifetime.

Well, yours expired.

Oh, Lord.

Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor.

Well, I can't keep them in my mouth.

They're nuclear-powered!

[ clacking]

Ow! It bit my finger!

No! No! It's tasted human blood.

[ people screaming]

[ slurping]

Mmm...

Damn good meat.

[ snoring][ door opening]

[ gasping, moaning]

Professor, we've talked it over

and everybody thinks you're too old.

Uh-huh. Right on. Yep.

We've decided to do the merciful thing

and have you youth-a-sized.

Dear God, no!

Oh, relax, Professor.

Youth-a-sizing is a trendy new spa treatment.

It's this season's shark cartilage enema.

But I like being old.

I don't have to talk to my parents

no one asks me to help move their stuff

I don't need to understand today's edgy TV sitcoms...

Okay, okay. We're not going to force you

until I finish this sentence.

Get him!

[ moaning]

Oh... my thong!

Hi.

I'm Heather, your personal youth-a-sizer.

Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we?

Go to hell, Heather!

Oh... [ giggling]

In small doses, botulism toxin

tightens and tones the facial muscles

instead of killing you

in the most horrible fashion imaginable.

[ squeaking]

[ stiff-lipped]: Give me back my floppy face.

Oh! Whoo! Ooh!

Careful with the giblets!

Mmm, your still retaining a lot of grump

in these joints.

More pressure.

Aah...

[ whirring sound]

Since this is such a serious case of old

we'll have to try our strongest treatment--

a soothing, full-body bath

in searing hot tar.

[ bubbling]

Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked.

[ sputtering]: You sound just like my tennis instructor.

[ bubbling]

The tar blisters the age right out of the body

in what top scientists suspect is a miracle.

[ squeaking]

[ bubbling increases]

Oh, I don't have time for this!

I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon

and then return it

making people wait behind me while I complain!

He still sounds sort of old.

Sort of real old.

Step aside, lady.

Like everything else in life

pumping is just a primitive, degenerate form of bending.

[ grunting]

[ bubbling]Whoa! Whoo!

Oh! Whoa!

[ lever squeaking]

Come on, Bender, pump harder! Harder!

[ weakly]: I'm trying as hard as I can.

Harder, damn you!

[ bubbling]

[ rumbling]

[ rumbling intensifies]

[ yelling]

[ yelling stops]

[ coughing, gasping]

Well, that was an utter waste of time.

[ gasping]

Professor, it worked!

You look young enough to be my father.

Poodle spit!

[ whirring sound]

[ gasps]: 53 years old?

[ groans]

Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultraporn.

FRY: This is cool, Professor.

[ voice cracking]: We should go out and celebrate.

Huh? What?

Dear Lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms.

Hooray, I'm a teenage heartthrob again!

While I try to restore our normal ages

I expect you all to go about your jobs

like responsible professionals.

[ kids laughing]

It wasn't me, Mr. F.

It was Amy.

Stop it, Amy. You stink!

[ grunting]You know you did it.

[ all yelling at once]

Quiet! Quiet, I say!

We're here to take my little stub

of a husband home.

Hermes, say good-bye to Mr. Farnsworth.

Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth.

[ snickering]

Hey, this is my chance

to spend time with myparents, too.

But your parents are gross sewer mutants.

Ow!

[ laughing mischievously]

When I was an orphan, I always wished

I could grow up with my mom and dad.

And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time...

That's not what happened!

Shut up and go live with your parents!

[ beeping]

LEELA: It's going to be totally awesome, Mom.

You and me can bake

and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face.

And if some kid picks on me

my dad can beat up his dad!

Can't I just beat up the kid?

[ chuckling]

Well, okay, Leela.

If you think you can put up with your father

then welcome home.

We'll try to respect your independence

and freedom... No!

I want the real teen experience.

Chores, curfew, the works!

Fine, sweetiekins.

We'll be the strictest parents ever.

Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate.

Dad! I'm underage!

Oh, right.

Here's a Silly Straw.

[ sniffling]

[ with accent]: Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again.

This like a mother's dream.

Bad dream, that is.

At this rate, I'm never going to get a grandchild! Agh!

Maybe she not grown up, but she sure grown out.

She fat.

Dad, if you're going to make fat jokes till I get cute again

I'm just going to stay in my room.

Stay in room?

You so fat, you going to stay all around room.

[ laughing]

I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth.

Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork

every three hours.

And those jerks at Social Security

stopped sending me checks.

Now Ihave to pay them!

I'm tired of your yapping!

[ tires screeching]

[ glass shattering, loud crashing]

All you ever do is complain.

You never try to make things better.

Well, I'm running away from this dead-end family.

I know there's a place for people like me, with new ideas.

There has to be!

Fine. Get going.

Oh, I'm going.

And you're going to be all, "Where's Bender?

I miss Bender."

We won't know that until you leave.

Oh, I'm leaving.

There's the door.

[ engine sputtering]

[ engine dies]I'll be good.

[ groans]

Do you have to shed your skin on the couch?

What do we live in, a zoo?

[ doorbell chiming]

I'm getting the doorbell.

For me?

[ chuckling]

Oh, hello, sir.

It's a lovely evening you have tonight.

[ voice cracking]: Um, I'm here to pick up your daughter.

Hi, Fry.

I like your blazer.

Thanks. These aren't pockets, they're just flaps.

I put my money in my sock.

[ laughing nervously]

So, where are you taking my daughter tonight?

[ voice cracking]: A movie.

[ clears throat]: A-A movie, ma'am.

Well, whatever you're really doing

don't wake us if you get in after 12:00.

Dad! You're being too lenient again.

I have to be back by 11:00.

Okay. Okay.

You're the boss.

No, I'm not!

I'd like a sewer burger, but without the rat feces.

What, are you on a diet?

Duh, Leela, you look hot.

Geez, Moose, just dump me

right in front of her, why don't you?

Moose, Mandy, this is my friend Fry...

from the surface?

Oh, so this is the famous Fry.

What is he, like, the biggest loser on the surface

so he has to hang out in the sewer?

[ whispers]: They're on to me.Hey, come on.

Let's act like grown-ups here. Want to race?

Duh... yeah.

[ engines revving]

[ tires squealing]

[ grunts]: Huh!

Theres.

The world's drinkings water is safes for another days.

Whoas! Cripe!

[ splashing]

[ roaring]

[ screaming]

We missed the turn! We'll never catch them!

Yes, we will!

This sewer goes right under Planet Express

and it's 9:00 p.m.!

[ toilet flushing]

PROFESSOR: The devil take this predictable colon!

FRY: Aaaiieeee!

[ applause and cheering]

FRY: Whoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo!All right!

[ voice cracks]: Leela, you can stop winning now. We won.

I'm too short to reach the hand brake!

[ screaming]

That's detention.

And then, and then a giant tapeworm

tried to play us for chumps!

But we, like, totally dissed Moose.

Yes, I'd like to meet this "Moose."

But in the meantime, I have good news.

I may have solved our age problem.

[ voice cracking]: Yay!

[ beeping]

It seems the youth-a-sizing tar was saturated

with time-altering chronitons.

A thin layer is still stuck to our DNA

as well as Bender's "Robo," or "RNA."

Question?

Yes?

You stink.

[ giggles]

Yes, yes.

Anyhow, I've designed an oil-eating bacterium

that should take the tar right off.

Come on, let's go tell Leela

so we can grow up together.

[ kissing noises]

LEELA: Thanks, Professor

but I don't want the treatment.

Don't you understand, you little nitwit?

Unless you're treated soon, the only way

to restore your true age will be to grow into it...

just as God intended!

He has a point, honey.

What about your job and your friends?

Do you really want to abandon your old life?

My old life wasn't as glamorous

as my web-page made it look.

All I ever wanted was to grow up here,with you.

Please?

Well, if it's what you really want...

It is. I know it is.

[ voice cracking]: I'll miss you, Leela.

I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up.

[ whispers]: Bring beer.

No beer till you finish your tequila.

PROFESSOR: The age-restoring microbes

are ready-- everyone into the Bacterial Spew Chamber.

[ cheering]Let's go!

[ sarcastic]: Yes, everyone do the same thing.

[ clamping and hissing shut]

Initiating controlled infection.

[ machine coughing and sneezing]

Aah-choo!

ZOIDBERG: I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge.

[ tiny voice]: Aw, poo.

We're even younger.

[ beeping]

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar

and now they're getting freaky-deaky...

spreading chronitons throughout our systems.

We're getting younger by the minute!

No!Yikes!

What, I'm going to revert through allmy larval stages?

Word. We'll all keep getting younger and younger

until we suffer a fate worse than death...

pre-life!

Then, death.

[ beeping]

[ bell dings]

I've got to stop this reverse aging

before we all shrivel up

and suffer the agony of unbirth!

Think, you disco duck, think!

What's that squirmle under your shirt?

Oh, get off me, you parasitic lamprey!

Oh, sure, you need allyour blood.

Woo-woo-woo-woo!

[ children screaming]

Would you all chill?

I can't think with you kids cramping my style!

Ooh, I need a baby-sitter.

LEELA: Okay, quiet time.

[ happy screams and giggles]

I know.

Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues

and I'll read you a story.

Ooh, story!A story!

I can't see from down here, I can't.

There.

Today's story is from Muteenmagazine.

Who would you rather hear about-- four-legged Chachi

or tentacle Chachi?

I wanna hear a space story.

It's kind of a baby book, but okay-- let's see.

"Snow White Dwarf and the Seven Red Dwarfs"

"Charlotte's Tholian Web"

"The Fountain of Aging."

[ gasps]

PROFESSOR: The Fountain of Aging?

Hmm... it is just a legend.

Still, they called the Tooth Fairy a legend

and now he'shead of the F.B.I.

'Sup? Kids ready?

Yay, Professy's back!

[ sniffing]: Eww, you smell like smoking...

[ sniffs]: and drinking.

I had a few beers, but I'm cool to drive.

I wish I could come with you

to say good-bye before you all turn back into grown-ups.

But I'm grounded for knocking the school over.

Who cares, Leela?

It was just a public school.

Now, go with your friends, please.

No! A grounded teenager must be confined to her room!

Until she sneaks out.

[ giggles]

BENDER: When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel.

According to this

the fountain is located in the darkest

most ancient region of space

just past Teddy Bear Junction.

Teddy Bear Junction--

the worst scum hole in the galaxy.

PROFESSOR: This solar system

is, like, way old!

Look how high the asteroid belt is pulled up

on that planet.News flash!

Everything's getting older

the closer we get to that ancient

burnt-out sun.

Dude!

The Fountain of Aging must be on the sun itself!

Shut up! I was gonna say that.

[ cooing and crying]

We've got to hurry--

the kids have only one change of pants!

We gotta be real, realcareful to stay in it

just long enough to make us our right ages again.

Whee!

Zoidberg, get out of there!

The current! It's too much, already! Help!

[ crying]

Jeepers.Zoidberg is dead!

No, Zoidberg's brother is dead.

Funny story-- I just reverted to the age

when my siblings budded from me

and my brother Norman split off

and jumped in the fountain.

He always had to be the center of attention!

Good riddance!Let him go!

Oh, no!

LEELA: Quick!

Get them into the fountain!

[ child's voice]: Thanks for the help, Weewa.

Once we're growed up, you can go back to your famwy.

We'w never bother you again.

Well, you could bother me a little.

Ooh... oh!

It's working! Hooray!

I can't hold on!

[ all screaming]

I'm coming in after you!

No, Leela!

You can't give you up your childhood!

You'll never have another chance at it!

[ all coughing]

We did it! We're the right ages again.

I think I might be a couple years younger!

Oh, me, too!

[ groaning]: Help!

I'm still in mid-peril, you clods!

He's too far out! We can't reach him!

With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

[ gurgles]

[ shrieking]

Pazuzu!

Oh, you came back to me!

Are you back to your original age, Professor?

[ beeping]

Even older!

[ bones creaking]Huzzah!

I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela.

Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes

but I worked hard to be the person I am.

The fabulous person!

With friends like you guys...

Fabulous friends!

Mm. And I'm really happy I have that life back.

And you, my faithful fiend--

how can I ever repay you?

[ French accent]: And that, little one, is how Papa gain his freedom.

Now, bon nuit.

Bon nuitto you all.

[ bells chiming theme song]