Original subtitles

Hurry up with the water.

I'm steaming inside my own shell, I am.

It's that hot, it is.

Man, it's hot.

How hot is it?

It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee

in my lap to cool off.

[ chuckling]

Johnny Carson said it.

[ panting]

No, Nibbler!

Don't drink the pool water.

It's full of chlorine.

Ah.

[ belching]

[ coughing]

[ laughing]

Lightweights.

Oh, wait, chlorine.

Perhaps this movie

will help take our minds off the heat.

Focus.

[ sobbing]

[ chuckling]

You're probably wondering

why your ice cream went away.

Well, Susie, the culprit isn't foreigners.

It's global warming.

Gwobu wabu?

Y-yeah.

Meet Mr. Sunbeam.

He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth.

Hello, Earth.

Just popping in to brighten your day.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

And now, I'll be on my way.

Not so fast, Sunbeam.

We're greenhouse gases.

You ain't going nowhere.

[ grunting]

Oh, God, it hurts.

Pretty soon, Earth is chockfull of sunbeams

their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere.

[ laughing]

How do we get wid of the gweenhouse gwases?

Fortunately, our handsomest politicians

came up with a cheap, last-minute way

to combat global warming.

Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube

into the ocean every now and then.

Just like Daddy puts in his dwink every morning.

And then he gets mad.

Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up

it takes more and more ice each time.

Thus, solving the problem once and for all.

But...

Once and for all!

Well, we just need one of those big ice cubes.

Someone should call the losers who were supposed to deliver it.

[ phone ringing]

Hello?

President Nixon here.

I'm hiring you losers to deliver the ice.

And hurry up.

I'm sweating like J. Edgar Hoover

trying to squeeze into a new girdle.

You heard the good news, everyone.

Save the Earth, et cetera, et cetera.

Bye.

Wait, where do we get the ice?

The whuh?

Oh, Halley's Comet, of course.

The only sufficient source of ice cubes

that don't have bugs in them.

Wow, mining a comet.

That sounds fun.

Yes, there's no safer occupation than mining.

Especially when you're perched on a snowball

whipping through space at a million miles an hour.

Whoo, whoo, whoo.

Safe.

Deploying ice drill.

Wow, that ice dispenser's so big, the ice crushes you.

[ chuckling]

Yakov Smirnoff said it.

No he didn't.

Activating ice drill.

FRY: Oh, my God.

It's out of ice.

Like some outer space Motel 6.

[ gasping]

Completely out of ice?

This could mean

the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it.

Also life.

[ heavy breathing]

With Halley's Comet out of ice

Earth is experiencing the devastating effects

of sudden, intense global warming.

Morbo is pleased but sticky.

The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps

causing floods of Biblical proportion.

They called me crazy for building this ark.

You arecrazy.

You filled it with same-sex animal couples.

Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like

and parts I don't like.

MORBO: Direct your pity now to the African turtles

seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland.

[ sniffling]

That poor turtle.

[ sobbing]

Bender, are you crying?

Uh, no, never.

Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads

peace amongst the Dutch tulips.

I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool.

Windmills do not work that way!

Good night!

Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle.

What have you done with your lives?

You went all the way to Holland already?

[ clomping]

Bender, a turtle isn't yourself.

Why do you care about it?

Because, I also care deeply about things

that remind me of myself.

Like poor little Shelly here.

[ sobs]

What could you possibly have in common

with this walking soup mix?

For one thing, we both have a tough outer shell.

But lead a rich inner life.

And also... well, you know.

You're both alcoholic

whoremongering chain-smoking gamblers?

No, it's just...

neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back.

What?

I've seen you get up off your back tons of times.

Those times I was slightly on my side.

Interesting.

Maybe we should test

this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender.

Uh, no, that's not necessary, really.

I think I hear my factory recalling me.

[ shouting]

[ struggling]

Oh, that's what I get

for sharing my vulnerability with you.

Calling all scientists, calling all scientists.

Be advised, there will be a worldwide conference

on global warming in Kyoto, Japan.

I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine.

You've got a degree in baloney.

Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist.

Forget it. I'm not going.

I have my reasons.

Shut up, all of you!

Strange.

You haven't acted this suspicious

since I found those "ape" bones in the basement.

My hip hurts.

I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey.

I have warranty cards to fill out.

I am not just making excuses.

All right, I'll go!

[ crowd cheering]

[ screaming]

Oh, oh, oh, it's Professor Hubert Farnsworth.

He's looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks.

His wristwatch is a Casio.

Thank you all for coming.

It is my pleasure to introduce the host

of the Kyoto global warming convention.

The inventor of the environment, and first Emperor of the Moon

Al Gore.

I have ridden the mighty Moon worm.

[ cheering]

Good for him.

My fellow Earthicans

as I discuss in my book, Earth in the Balance

and the much more popular

Harry Patter and the Balance of Earth

we need to defend our planet against pollution

as well as dark wizards.

Sure, blame the wizards.

That's why I'm offering a bag of Moon sapphires

to the first scientist who can solve this problem

once and for all.

[ oohing]

Lovely, aren't they?

Sapphires?

[ maniacal laughing]

With those I could open the Gate of Garesh.

First up is Professor Ogden Wernstrom.

[ applauding]

Wernstrom!

[ clearing throat]

Ladies and gentlemen

I have placed in orbit a giant mirror

that will reflect 40% of the sun's rays

thus cooling Earth.

Observe.

[ panting]

[ sighing]

Problem solved.

[ chuckling]

[ laughing continues]

[ clinking]

[ gasping]

Whoa.

That's a little bright.

[ screaming]

[ screaming]

GORE: All right...

what else we got?

Professor, you're a professor.

You must have some ideas.

Absolutely not.

I won't speak.

I've got nothing to hide!

Our next speaker is Professor...

I demand the floor!

Yes, it's your turnto speak.

Well, nuts to me.

I'm taking the stage.

[ grunting]

I know the source of the greenhouse gases.

But in my shame, I've kept it secret for 75 long years.

Oh, it haunts my memories still.

Professor, no! Don't do it!

Don't do what?

Don't use this memory ray

so I can remember what happened back then?

It was October 17th at 1:54 p.m.

and 14 birds were flying by the window.

I was working at Mom's Friendly Robot Company.

Back then, you see, robots were slow-moving, stiff

and a little on the uptight side.

Oh, dear.

Might I favor Master with a tender kiss on the forehead?

Oh, I failed again.

[ beeping]

Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

Oh, dear.

PROFESSOR: The owner of the company pressured me

to create a bigger, sportier robot.

It wasn't easy

but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded.

[ belching]

What was that?

A flaming burp.

Does it always do that?

It's not always a burp.

We still have one problem, though.

This robot will never meet emissions standards.

Crap spackle!

We'll just call it a Sport Utility Robot

and classify it as a light truck.

Well...

I suppose the environment can take one more for the team.

What a fool I was!

If only I had made the effort

to develop a cleaner-burning robot.

But I was tired and in love.

Take me now, you stud!

[ yawning]

[ moaning]

Oh, this is all my fault!

That's awful, Professor.

Especially the making out part.

Yeah. I didn't need to hear that.

All modern robots descend

from my original smog-blasting designs

and that's the cause of global warming today.

Ah, so the robots are to blame

as I suspected.

We are left with only one possible course of action...

grim though it be.

I got a good feeling about this.

We must immediately and permanently

shut down, dismantle, and destroy all robots!

Wait. Surely there's a better...

The conference is over.

I must go now to help collect cans on Jupiter.

Peace out, y'all.

[ jets flaming]

CROWD: Destroy all robots!

Destroy all Robots!

Poor Bender.

Be brave, my friend.

[ whimpering]

Oh.

Come on.

You've got to come out of your chest sometime.

Would you do it for a Bender snack?

Aha!

Gotcha!Let me go!

I don't even want this stupid beer.

[ groaning]

Yes!

You tried to trick me into coming out of my chest

but who has the beer now?

[ chuckles]

[ dot-matrix printer noise]

[ ding]

I've got mail.

AMY: Ooh.

It's a party, apparently.

Do you like to party?

To boogie down?

Well, I'm throwing an all-night beach rager for my robot pals.

It all goes down this Saturday

on the isolated Galapagos Islands

where there will no escape...

from the fun!

All robots must attend.

Strange.

Why would Nixon-- an awkward, uncomfortable man--

suddenly throw a party

one of the most social events imaginable?

[ claw snapping]

It's a trap,is why!

They're going to deactivate all the robots.

I don't hear any gasping.

We all figured that out.

Oh.

Well, I'm off.

Wait, we can hide you.

We'll pile fruit on you and claim you're a bowl.

No.

I'm going to the party.

I won't let you!

Fry, as you know

there are lots of things I'm willing to kill for.

Jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker.

But at long last

I've found something I'm willing to diefor.

This mindless turtle.

Bender, this world isn't good enough for you.

Not even close.

Good-bye, everybody!

Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead!

It's booby-trapped.

♪ Do a little dance ♪

♪ Make a little love ♪

♪ Get down tonight ♪

♪ Get down tonight ♪

♪ Do a little dance ♪

♪ Make a little love ♪

♪ Get down tonight ♪

♪ Get down tonight ♪

[ electronics sparking]

[ audience hooting]

Poor guy.

Maybe you'd feel better if I had a drink.

Crummy keg.

It's completely...

Oh, you're a robot.

Don't stop.

Attention, happening robots.

Who's got what it takes to party with Nixon?

[ cheering and applause]

You fellows enjoy yourselves for the next two hours

and be sure not to leave the island

uh, for at least two hours.

I'm going out to pick up some smokes.

Really good smokes.

Two hours.

[ cheering and applause]

Okay, headless body of Agnew, let's blow this joint.

Bah!

[ whirring]

Do you want to dance?

No, I-I'm not really in the...

You know you want to.

[ metal clanging and groaning]

WERNSTROM: Per your orders, I modified my mirror

to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse

at the Galapagos.

Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated.

Now, for your part of the bargain?

Ah, ooh, very well.

Agnew, you belong to Wernstrom now.

[ monstrous growl]

I'll say good-bye now.

There ain't no turtles where daddy's a-goin'.

Don't tell anybody

but Nixon's about

to shut all the robots off, and...

What?!

[ air raid siren blares]

It's a trap.We're going to die.

Oh!

[ groaning and chatter]

Nixon's not bringing the smokes.

[ frantic beeping]

[ fading beep]

Shut and pay attention to me, Bender!

[ crowd quieting]

Look, I love life and its pleasures

as much as anyone here

except perhaps you, Hedonismbot.

[ gulping]

But we need to be shut off!

Especially you, Hedonismbot.

[ British accent]: I apologize for nothing!

We pollute too much!

We're destroying the world and killing the turtles!

To hell with the turtles.

No one insults the turtles.

[ smacking and groaning]

[ groaning]

Get 'em![ crowd cheering]

Why you...

[ groaning]

Let the games begin!

[ airy laugh]

[ engine landing]

[ panting]

Everyone, listen!

[ crowd murmuring]

[ groans]

Damn!

I've devised a way to save you

and stop global warming at the same time.

Granted, you're all blasting out greenhouse gases...

You're one to talk.

[ groans]: Ooh!

But we can use those

very gases to save the planet.

If you all vent your exhaust

directly upward in one burst

it should thrust the Earth further from the Sun

thus cooling it.

Ooh.[ murmuring]

By my calculations

we'll need the full force of every last robot.

So quickly

everyone point your exhaust vents

straight upwards.

[ metal creaking]

Now, vent.

Vent like the wind!

[ belching]

[ tense music playing]

Harder! Harder!

Yeah.

[ grunting and belching]

Why isn't this working?

Some lazy or polite robot is holding it in.

[ grunting]

Help! Help!

[ gases roaring]

[ whirring]

[ evil laugh]

A billion robot lives are about to be extinguished!

Oh, the Jedis are going to feel this one!

I'm sorry, buddy.

At we'll die on our backs, helpless.

Huh?

What the hell are you doing?

Hey are you trying to make me look bad?

[ grunting]

[ tense music builds]

Aha!

I'm even greater than I thought I was.

And now, to fulfill my destiny.

[ gases roaring]

Fire!

[ pulse firing]

What the... ?We missed!

[ angry groan]

[ birds singing]

[ waves crashing]

Professor, for saving the Earth

and foiling me

I proudly, yet angrily present you

with Earth's new highest honor--

The Polluting Medal of Pollution.

[ coughing]

Thank you.

I deserve this.

[ cheering and applause]

Hey, Professor

now that the Earth's orbit is further

from the sun

won't that make the year longer?

Why, yes.

One week longer, to be exact.

In that case

I hereby declare it

Robot Party Week!

[ cheering and applause]

♪ Me mind on fire ♪

♪ Me soul on fire, feeling hot, hot, hot ♪

♪ Party people all around me ♪

♪ Feeling hot, hot, hot ♪

[ cheering and coughing]

[ coughing continues]