Original subtitles

Oh, God.

Do you know what I mean?

And no puppet-making classes, okay?

Or any of that shit.

I don't want to learn a new skill.

Just something, like, really laid back, you know?

But that doesn't mean I don't want fun.

- All right, what if I did, like, a nice meal or something?

- Squats. Squats now. - A nice meal?

My friends aren't gonna fly all the way from Ireland for a nice meal.

- I'm not your bloody travel agent, Shona. You said you were laid back.

Yeah! I am laid back.

But it's my hen. Just...

God! Surprise me.

What are you up to now?

- Squats? - Yeah.

- Yeah, squats.

- I need to do squats.

I've lost my arse.

Oh, and while I'm at it, no naked butlers...

- I'll put you on speaker.

- You know, I hate all that.

Like a handsome chef is...

Something classy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Cheeky, you know?

Don't mind if it's cheeky.

So, uh...

Oh, did you manage to get Richard over the finish line yet?

- Shona!

You're on speaker phone.

- This is about sex with Richard, Shona?

- He didn't ejaculate.

- Oh, Jesus, Shona!

No need to be so medical.

- Even with those great tittybojangles?

- Bradley! Thank you.

- Have you tried everything though?

You know, mouth, hands, on top, behind, all that?

- Well, yeah, it was full service really.

At one point, I was working away at it like it was a potter's wheel but no cigar.

Shona reckons it's normal 'cause Vish couldn't get a boner

after his granny died.

- Aine!

I told you that in confidence.

Ah, sorry, Shona.

Vish's granny may or may not be dead.

- Yeah, his penis might be grieving. - What?

- Might be sad from all the death in his house.

- Yeah, 'cause his wife died.

Oh, my God! She wasn't his wife.

- Well... - Can we just stop talking about this now?

Just go back to your stupid hen.

- Aine!

- Aine, men keep their sadness in their penis.

Like, they keep all the panic and the pressure in there

so they don't have to talk about it. Ever.

Sheesh.

- Oh, fuck this. Look, um...

Don't forget to type up those notes for the meeting tomorrow. Okay?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. James, uh, is doing loads of it

and then I'll work on my bit this evening.

I've done loads of notes though.

- Good. Well, notes are good.

Type them up.

Oh, and don't half arse my hen.

- Yeah, yeah. Okay. - Okay.

I'm gonna go. I love you.

I love you.

- Hey, go lower, please.

- Oh, only ca... I honestly... That's...

Oh, no. I have to sit again.

Sorry. - You look like your womb fell out.

♪

- You know, I actually think men use vaginas

as a place to store their unhappiness.

Like a warm, wet garage for their issues.

Oh, my God, Aine!

- No, I'm just... I didn't want to get lettuce crumbs everywhere.

- Why don't you ever eat anything off a plate, you numpty?

- Well, lettuce is in itself nature's plate.

- See? It literally takes seconds. - Oh!

Well, now I have to bloody wash a plate.

- Sitting down and eating off a plate

tells your soul you care about it.

- I don't have a soul.

- You look like a depressed person from a film.

It genuinely stresses me out.

- Yeah, but my whole life does not revolve around how I look, Bradley.

- What, and mine does because I eat off a plate like an adult?

- Oh, I literally did not say that. You took that wrong.

- You took what I said wrong.

Here, have some bread.

Apology accepted.

- Oh, I was not apologizing.

Believe you me.

Oh! Mmm.

I got a text! - Oh, she's got a text!

- Mm, I got a text!

- What'd he say?

- Oh, my God!

Oh, yay, he wants to see me this evening.

- Okay, right. You know what you need to do?

- What?

- Distract the sadness out of his penis.

- Pfft. - Like, up the horny.

Like put on, like, some sexy clothes. Do a little dance.

- What, really?

- Yeah, Emma's done it for me a couple of times.

And, honestly, boner for days.

- Seriously?

- Days.

♪

- Hello, Mr. Kirby.

- Hey.

- Do you have a speaker that connects to Bluetooth?

- Yeah. - Great.

- Uh-oh. I got a feeling this is gonna cost me.

- Oh, yeah, it's gonna be a very expensive dance.

- Dance?

What, like Britain's Got Talent?

- No. Don't make me laugh.

This is serious.

- Sorry. I apologize.

- But, also, well done for knowing that cultural reference.

♪ "Fuck the Pain Away" by Peaches playing ♪

Oops.

No. I told you before, sir.

Thank you.

- ♪ Sucking on my titties like you wanted me ♪

♪ Calling me all the time like Blondie ♪

♪ Check out my Chrissy behind ♪

♪ It's fine all of the time ♪

- Can I just...

- Ah, yeah.

- ♪ What else is in the teaches of Peaches ♪

♪ Huh, what? ♪ RICHARD: Okay, well...

- Hello.

♪

- Right, okay, I don't care what it's costing me.

- Ooh. - I'm doing this.

- ♪ Fuck the pain away ♪

- You're going to incur a very big fine.

- Oh, really? - Mm-hmm.

- From the council.

- ♪ Fuck the pain away Fuck the pain away ♪

♪ Fuck the pain away ♪

- Yeah, I'm definitely giving this establishment

five stars on Tripadvisor.

Uh, I will visit again and I...

Yeah, I will bring friends.

Hey, lovely as that was...

- Mm-hmm. Lo... Wait, now, lovely?

What, like a nice bun at a tea party?

- No. Hot and raunchy and sexy as that was,

I don't... I don't need you to do all that.

- Uh, what?

- Oh! - What?

- Well, now I feel silly.

- Why?

- What, did you think it was silly?

- I... I think you can very well tell that I didn't think it was silly. Come here.

- No. - Come here.

- No. - Please.

- No. - Come here.

- No.

- No, I mean, I just maybe just started feeling a bit of pressure

each time we're together to, you know, perform.

Ironically.

- Oh, my God. I didn't...

Uh! I...

I was not...

I was not trying to put you under any pressure at all.

I thought I might just get you out of your head.

- Yeah... - Like I... 'Cause like...

I... I was... I was...

I was feeling like I wasn't, you know, performing for you...

- That's what I'm saying. I don't need you to perform.

You're gorgeous and amazing and fun, and I just...

I just feel this sometimes almost...

sort of, panic and...

- What abo... about... about...

About me? About us? - No, not at all.

- About... about anything in particular? - No, it's, uh...

getting older...

My body and Etienne and feeling stuck,

and I feel terrible saying all that.

But, you know, I'm suddenly responsible for him

and not necessarily wanting to be and...

Yeah, I don't know. It's just sometimes I...

Sorry.

- No.

Then that all gets

compressed into your penis.

Sorry. No. I'm sorry.

- Compacted into my penis?

And compressed.

- You lift me up.

You're always so up.

- That's all part of the service here at Coco's Sexy Lounge.

♪

Morning, Julie.

Oh! Ha.

- Yeah.

Are they from your...

The new...

Wh... I mean...

I don't know if we're there yet, but, uh, yeah.

- Well, nothing says, you know, like, um...

flowers sent to your desk.

- Well, you can have some for your desk if you want.

- No, it's okay. I like plants.

I mean, flowers are nice but they're...

you know, dead.

- Well, they're still in water so they're... they're alive.

Anyway, um, Aine is waving at you.

Shona.

- Oh. Yeah. Thanks.

There she is. Sassy as you like.

Shona!

Nice to see you but, unfortunately, get the fuck out of my office.

You're fired.

From business.

And James here is taking your job.

- Who me, boss? I'm gonna run, uh, the...

the... the district?

- Yeah, sure, the district.

- Nice to meet you, James. Aine, get out of my chair.

- Sure thing, business lady.

- Uh, those notes you sent me weren't typed up properly.

Yeah, Julie, so I need a few more plants for the office.

Just like five succulents or, you know, whatever.

- I was sort of in the middle of a lunch break.

- Okay, I'll do it.

- No, no. I'll do it. Fine.

Uh, coffee okay?

Oh, my God. Yeah, it was mwah, mwah.

Woke me right up.

- I'll give your compliments on to the machine.

You not sleeping again?

- Oh, I'm grand.

Hey, you know what her, um, sign name is?

It's actually, uh, Shona.

So just Shona with a...

at the end.

Traditional Irish name.

- Can I use that?

- No.

- Uh, um... I'll get on to some plants.

ASAP.

- Thank you.

Julie is, uh... She's overqualified for the job,

but, you know, she still needs to do all that stuff.

We all did.

And we're already trialing the online platform.

Aine's got a student away in France.

- Etienne, yeah, yeah. She mentioned him.

- That's what I love about Aine.

She always pays such an interest in the well-being of her students.

- Aw, James.

- Take Etienne's dad. He was a bit tricky in the beginning.

- In what way was he tricky? - Ah, no, he wasn't.

- But he came around in the end, actually.

- Yeah, no. I feel I definitely, um, eh, got him there in the end.

- Yeah.

I'm sure he'll write her a great review now.

- Yeah, you'd think. - Yeah.

Word of mouth and reputation are so important in business.

Our students always, always come first.

- And then, you know, obviously, you leave room to allow for life

and the fact that we're just human beings.

- Yeah. I suppose I'm just wondering what sets this apart

from other businesses out there.

- Oh, well, one thing...

'Cause I didn't put in the notes... 'cause I didn't type...

But I would love to do something...

We could help kids maybe make friends or socializing,

and I just think a lot of children actually have a tough time with that.

- Yeah, I love that idea. - Yeah.

- I suppose I'm just worried that Aine isn't

gonna have the capital to invest, that you need.

- Mammy is giving me the money.

- What do you mean, Mam is giving you the money?

- Did I not put that in the notes? - No, you didn't put it...

What do you mean Mammy's giving you the money?

- Because she said she'd rather give me the money now

than when she's dead and she can't see what I'm doing with it.

- Don't talk about Mammy being dead, Aine.

- Mammy bought you the fridge when you moved into your house, Shona.

- Bullshit.

- Um, also, uh, in terms of setting us apart,

we were thinking about a program dedicated to entrance exams

to private schools like Harrow, Eton, and...

- Mm-hmm, yeah, and that would be a real money-spinner going into the...

- Not being negative, but why would wealthy international parents decide

that you two are the ones to get their kid into Eton?

- Well, uh, I went to Eton, so...

- Yeah. - It's there in his CV.

- So I’ve got the inside scoop.

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, of course. It's just, um...

Just would've been handy to have seen that on the notes, Aine.

♪

- Oh, guys, I think it's absolutely amazing!

Oh, well, unless I fuck it up.

- Oh, no, no, you won't fuck it up. Don't be silly.

Oh, you, of course, won't let me.

- He's great. I mean, they... they're both great.

And, James, you just need to get Aine

to type up that extra element that...

Which is a great idea, Aine.

- And then I'll get it into the bank Monday, maybe?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, Monday.

Well, I'll do it this weekend then, and your hen, don't worry.

Uh, by the way, Charlotte, um,

I'll give you a date for the hen on Monday.

- Oh, I'm not sure I'm free, sadly.

- Oh, but you don't know the date yet.

- James, I, um... I'm getting married, um, to my fiancé, uh, Vish.

Vish is Indian.

- Oh, uh, that's good to know.

Um, I might just go to the loo.

Oh, it's just by there.

- Oh, no, yeah, Julie said earlier it's actually the ladies.

Uh, where is the gents?

- Oh, uh... - Uh...

- I think it might be one floor down, maybe?

Listen, guys, congrats on starting the business.

It's a big deal to start something together.

- Thanks so much for that, Shona. - Yeah.

- It's really great to get an external eye.

- Yeah. We need to head on. Um, and James needs his wee.

Back to work and stuff. - Yeah. It's brilliant.

But, um, what are you up to this weekend? Any plans?

- Yeah, plans. You, yeah?

- Yeah, plans. I'm up to here with wedding admin and...

But maybe I could, uh... - We need to kick on.

As I say, James needs his wee, so...

Um, but, yeah, typing and weeing. So, have a good day though.

♪

- Okay, so this one... What? And I'm doing it with my face.

Happy.

- So what does my face look like?

- Crazy? - Very funny, Mo. No, not crazy.

- Joke, joke. Eh, no, is easy. Is happy.

- Is it? Well, it's not easy. It's not easy for everyone.

Right, full sentence?

- I felt happy.

- Yes, but hand-up, please Alina. Put your hand up.

"Felt happy." So that one is past tense.

Then in the present tense, "I felt happy?"

- I feel sad.

- "Feel sad"? No, no, no. No, "I feel happy."

- No, if you felt happy, and that is in the past,

then this is the present, and you should feel sad,

because you felt happy in the past.

- Oh! Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, that's... Yeah, that's...

I mean, that's... That's so... advanced, Chien.

Sometimes, I really think that you should be in level two with David.

- No, he's too low energy.

- Yeah, that's totally fair, to be fair.

Right, okay. The next one.

What do we feel... Ooh, this is yuck.

Uh, say it with me.

Lonely.

- You can feel lonely if you... Ah, if you miss...

If you miss someone you can feel lonely.

I might miss someone or something.

You know, or anything, you can miss anything.

Uh, sometimes you don't even...

know what it is.

- I miss my girlfriend in Bulgaria.

- Jesus, Victor, you've risen from the dead there.

That's... Yeah. Brilliant. Brilliant!

I mean, not brilliant.

- I never felt this. I am very happy.

- Great for you.

Um, okay. Oh, but this next one.

Mo, this is a good one. This is the one you can use.

Because this next one is...

Angry.

- What does anger look like?

- I hate this!

- My God, Victor! Please, sit down. What's wrong with you?

- No, I just doing angry, as you said.

- That was very funny, Victor.

- He's back in the game today. Jesus, my heart!

Keeps me young.

Em, uh, yes, angry. God, phew.

Do you what, guys?

We're all just out here trying, aren't we?

And really, communication, it's... it's... It's more than just all of this.

- Communication is... - Connection.

- It's connection. Exactly.

And, God... God love you all, trying to learn all of these words.

Because it's hard. English.

And sometimes you... Actu... Actually...

Actually, what you wanna do is scream.

"Eat off fucking plates please," huh?

Hi, Richard, uh, it's Aine here from Coco's Sexy Lounge.

And, um, I know we don't have that many weekends left.

Actually, you're busy this weekend anyways.

But, I was just, eh, wondering

if you would mind if we did, like, a weekday instead?

It's just 'cause I just realized I've just,

like, so much work I got to do at the business.

And then I have to help my sister with wedding plans,

and then there's, like, her whole hen to plan,

and then just, like, other teaching stuff.

Um, and also, you know, I have to make up new dances

for the, um, the Sexy Lounge, obviously.

Well, have a good weekend. Uh, and, uh, bye.

- And then he came at her with a knife.

- God, poor woman.

She lost her baby from the stress.

- Oh, Jesus, good Lord.

- Well, the baby wasn't his of course. It was the brother's, but still.

He sliced her straight across the neck. Buried her in the back of the pub.

- God!

EastEnders has gotten so violent.

Keeps me entertained.

Have you asked Shona to help you with the work?

- No, I'm doing it myself. I'm grand.

God, you know, sometimes Shona treats me

like I'm some badly written female character in a shit American movie.

- Oh, you're perfect like me. - Mammy, don't interrupt me.

- Oh, I can't do anything right.

- Like, I'm a good teacher, and I'm kind.

And I might not have that much money,

and sometimes, you know, I get the blues or whatever,

but, like, some people are the lads who, uh, buy the pesticides that kill bees,

or are rapists or run dodgy big pharma companies...

- Yeah... - Mammy, don't interrupt.

Or are the people who set up those high-cost loan companies

that exploit vulnerable people.

It's, like, why are they not the messes.

- Yeah, well, I need to wee, takes a while these days,

so I'll say good night. Love you.

- Mmm. Love you, bye.

All right.

I'm okay, come on.

All right. Come on, Aine. Here we go.

No.

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

Hey, honey. Uh, not heard from you all weekend.

But, um, just wanted to say, you've got some brilliant i... ideas,

and, you know, I'm not sure that came across in the meeting.

But, um, you wanna email me over some of your thoughts?

Like, I can help you sort through them.

Anyway, love you.

- God.

Ugh.

Go fuck yourself, red light.

Shit, shit!

Are you okay?

- I'm good, yes.

Yeah, the bike. Bike.

- Jesus, what are you doing, running a red light? I could've killed you.

- It's not my bike. - Do you need an ambulance?

- No, no, no. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.

Yeah. Sorry. - You all right?

- Yeah, absolutely. Thank you very much.

- Thank God, you have your helmet. You're lucky to be alive.

- It's not my bike. This is... It's... Sorry, I just...

- It's fine. It's fine. It's... The bike's fine. You sure you're okay?

- Yeah, yeah, I'm grand, yeah.

Hi, Shona. Uh, thanks a million for your voice note.

I, um, uh, would love your help, actually.

Uh, I think maybe if you could, like, do a structure

for how you think it should look.

And then, uh, and also thanks a million for the meeting the other day.

Um, I know you're really busy...

with your sex work.

So, um, yeah, I really appreciated that. Not sure if I said that on the day.

But, um, okay, uh, love you.

And, um...

Don't work too hard at your sex work.

LOL.

Mm.

Mm.

Oh.

Eh.

♪ "I'm Alive" by TTRRUUCES playing ♪

- ♪ I'm alive, I'm alive ♪

- Ooh.

- ♪ To see your face, it always makes it worthwhile to survive ♪

♪ I'm alive, I'm alive ♪

♪ To see your face, it always makes it worthwhile to survive ♪

♪

♪ Are you high right now? ♪

♪ Outside with the guys and bare-flesh honeys ♪

♪ Tank tops, ice pops Margarita... ♪