Original subtitles

Well, he's no singer, for sure.

- Hey, give it to me. - I beg your pardon?

The gold coin you stole from behind our peasant's ear is mine.

Father, no. It is merely...

- ...a trick. - A trick?

Just like the Swedish Deluge was supposed to be a trick? Give it back.

That's very sneaky of you.

If anyone else has a gold coin behind their ears, declare it now.

And you and your wife better get out of here. This is private property.

Father? I don't think this is his wife.

Wait a minute. A guy with a mandolin.

A man dressed as a woman.

A jester.

A woman who has her hair uncovered.

All that's missing is...

Oh, no.

A touring theater troupe.

TYMF THEATER

The three things I hate most in the whole world.

Reformation, Judas, and touring theater troupes.

So many distractions luring people away from their faith nowadays.

Theater is one of them.

I could easily name many more, though.

Well, I love touring theater troupes.

Those people get to travel around the world

and get to experience all kinds of exciting things.

Mass has all kinds of exciting things too. And theater's just a strangely dressed guy

telling tall tales to a group of people for an hour.

So, how is that different from mass?

James and Anne have been married for seven years now,

but they don't have any offspring.

Oh.

- What does King Charles think of that? - I don't know.

But the word is that he hasn't spoken to Anne

since their vacation in Wales.

Ooh!

I just love hearing stories about the English royal family.

Mm, yeah, I guess.

But, maybe, you could tell us some things about social events?

- Social events? - Mm-hmm.

Uh... Well, when it comes to England, I don't know. Mm...

Oh! They had the plague there about four years ago.

The plague?

Yes. Tens of thousands of people perished.

And were any victims of this plague Polish?

We left our porter there.

Mm.

Oh my God.

Dad? Are you alright?

Dad?

Dad?

Breaking news from England.

I found out that, four years ago,

the plague made its way through London.

Which was God's way to punish them for inventing the telescope to spy on him.

Whenever I hear a story like that,

it reminds me that I'm not going to live forever.

Memento mori.

That's my favorite motivational saying.

Death is simply an unavoidable part of modern life.

Acorns! Mieczysław, my friend, you've had it!

In the last decade, Poland's population has dwindled

to a third of what it was.

Mieczysław?

The Grim Reaper hasn't spared us, either.

We have three children now, but we had three others that died.

What do you mean, three? It was four.

Was it four?

Marysieńka, Kacperek, and Eustachy.

And Gabryś?

Ah, Gabryś.

You're right. That makes it four.

Wow, that's even worse.

Although, it strengthens my argument.

Hey, for fu... Franek!

What?

Wojciech.

Wojciech? What are you doing?

I was supposed to help the theater troupe set up,

but then I had an overwhelming urge to rebel against our oppressors.

Sounds silly, now that I said it out loud. What are you up to?

Um, I was gonna feed the horses.

Actually, would you like to trade chores with me?

How come?

Well, because I'm trying to avoid...

one of the horses.

Ah...

If it makes you feel any better, I hate one of the geese.

TYMPF THEATER

Ah. Bella!

Put it over there.

Good afternoon. I heard that you might need some help.

Sure. We can always use help. What's your name?

- Maciej. - My name is Simon.

- That's Ivonne. - Ciao!

Maris, Marco, Natan, and Bożena.

- Hi. - Good to meet you all.

Um, so... what kind of work do you want me to do?

Maciej, the theater's not a job, you know. The theater is a calling.

You'll fall in love with it, you'll see. Same way girls fall for jugglers.

What?

What do you mean "what"? Don't you know that wenches can't resist jugglers?

So, shall we?

Sure. After all, it's Sunday.

It's Wednesday.

Are you trying to convince me, or not?

You're making so much noise, I can't hear the fish.

What are you ne'er-do-wells up to here, huh?

We're not up to anything, my lord.

Oh, yeah? I can see you're eating something with your son.

And yet, you offer me nothing.

A noble defender of our great Polish realm goes hungry.

You think that's nice?

What's that you're hiding behind your back, you swine?

Nothing.

Nothing?

Give it here.

Oh!

Edible mushrooms.

I just love eating edible things.

Be careful, my lord.

Why? Are you threatening me, you rapscallion?

No, it's just that those mushrooms...

You just shouldn't have too many.

And who are you to tell an infantryman what he can and cannot do?

He's gonna have one hell of a Wednesday.

Anielka.

You're so beautiful.

- Dad, you don't have the plague. - You don't know that.

Pretty sure I'm right.

I have this stabbing pain.

All right, Dad. Where is it?

I don't know.

All over my body. Probably because it's advancing quickly.

Plague doesn't cause stabbing pain.

- Well, what does happen? - I don't know. You cough and then you die.

You start coughing up blood, Dad?

Maybe I don't have any more blood because of the plague.

The plague happened four years ago, and it was in London.

How could you possibly have gotten it?

Well, I didn't wear my hat outside, so now I'm in for it.

And the devil never sleeps.

Right.

I'm summoning the medic.

I'm afraid I have some bad news.

It's possible that a serious disease has appeared in our village.

Left-handedness?

No, the lefty was expelled from the village immediately,

so the evil didn't spread.

A round of applause for you for taking swift action.

Here's the thing.

The plague might be upon us.

Well, it's a good thing the Lord is our protector and savior.

Just remember, that may not be enough.

So what? Are you saying divine providence might not be enough?

Well, this would be an epidemic, a huge amount of sick people.

Public divine providence might not be quite enough.

That's why I'd like to encourage you all

to subscribe to private divine providence services.

Wait a sec. Can't our patron saints help us out?

Patron saints cover only a very basic providence package.

Of course, Saint Isidore can help you heal up your broken limbs,

but how can a simple saint like him cure something like the plague?

So I'll be collecting payments this afternoon.

MEDIC

A medic has come to Adamczycha. He is my very last hope.

If I am to become the most famous Jan Paweł in history...

it would help if I were alive.

"I'm alive, therefore I am."

René Descartes.

Please say, "Ah."

Ah.

That's all?

How long before I get the results?

You don't have the plague.

Really?

Oh my God!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

How can you trust a juggler, huh?

Those two weirdos warned me about eating the shrooms,

but I feel absolutely fine. Better than ever.

My eyesight is sharp.

My body is nimble.

And on top of that,

my father, the sultan Mehmed IV,

has just handed the reins

to the Ottoman Empire over to me.

Once again,

thank you, dear Father.

I won't fail you.

Oh, alas, that love Whose view is muffled still

Should without eyes See pathways to his will!

- Maciej. - Yeah?

- Take it. - You want me to take this somewhere?

- No, I want you to take it and play it. - Play it? Me?

Yes. We lost our sound engineer. He was also our sword swallower.

- That's another story. - I see.

But I don't know how to play or... or anything, so, I mean...

Hey, come on, it's easy.

Whenever somebody dies onstage, just do this.

Here. Try it.

Here. Stand this way. There's better light.

- No, I can't do it. - Maciej...

Blood, blood, blood! Oh!

- Bravo, Maciej. - That's great.

Because I care deeply about my health,

I've made sure to get a second opinion.

Luckily, I convinced the medic to stay a bit longer,

and he gave me another one.

One of the main symptoms of the plague is enlarged lymph nodes near the abdomen.

Enlarged what?

Large round bulbs in the crotch area. You don't have that.

Are you sure about that?

What about these?

They're your testicles.

I knew that. I just wanted to make sure you did.

I have two. Is that good?

Yeah.

- Does Andrzej have more than two? - I don't think so.

- Jan Paweł, you don't have the plague. - Mm. You're right.

And the plague is not actually what you should be worrying about now.

I know. It's the Swedes.

I was talking about other ailments, like heart disease. Do you smoke?

A pipe, once a week.

- Not enough. - Yes, I know, but it makes my throat sore.

Soreness or not, the smoke is wonderful for your organs.

It warms everything up down there.

The guts just love it. I won't bore you with medical terminology.

It's just important that you smoke.

When Zofia was pregnant, I was really motivated.

I had to make sure she smoked as well. And then, it...

Oh, there's one more thing.

- You're becoming obese. - Thank you.

It makes you look attractive, but it's not good for you.

Huh. I think you're just jealous because you look like a dried date.

Jan Paweł, you paid me for my medical advice.

Yes. Well, let's face it.

You just can't stand that I'm like a bear, and you're like a desiccated weasel.

Of... of course, Bogdan. I'd be delighted to become your mufti.

Um, I just have a couple of doubts about it. The first one is uh... uh...

Th... th... that I think that... Well, I... I just don't know that I'm mufti material.

Uh, you know, with my physique and my personality, and so on.

And the other doubt... I don't know what a mufti is.

You shall be my mufti.

Yes. I... I understand that part, but I'm still not sure because I...

My dear father...

...Mehmed IV, has decided.

I must assemble my court,

and conquer the Bulwark of Europe.

Family pressure. Believe me, I understand all too well.

Your parents tell you over and over, "Conquer the Bulwark of Europe."

The same way I heard mine tell me, "Be a good Jew, Izaak!"

- Easier said than done. - You are my mufti.

You know what, Bogdan?

You are also my mufti.

What a wonderful conversation.

Doctor Weasel told me that, if I wanna live longer,

I should start running. So I'm gonna start running right now.

An hour or two every day.

I'll just finish this.

And off I go. I'll see you in two hours.

Ow!

Ow! Fuck this, I'm done!

The audience likes what they've seen so far.

We've brought them Shakespeare's universe.

That's why we've decided to put on a show with so many intense tragedies that,

in order to get over them, Hamlet, Macbeth, Othello, Prospero,

Romeo and Juliet have to join forces to fight.

We're calling it...

The Vengeance Cycles.

SHAKESPEARE'S UNIVERSE THE VENGEANCE CYCLES

And thus, I die.

Meh. I thought the book was better.

A night in the stocks.

I hate it when people say that kind of thing.

PAID ANNOUNCEMENT

This is a paid announcement.

Oh, my! I feel unwell.

Oh, poor guy. It's too bad.

Oh. Are you unwell?

Try our Calvary Herbal Supplement.

Oh! I feel much better!

How is he feeling better? He was unwell just a moment ago.

I was unwell, but I drank some Calvary Herbal Supplement,

and now I feel much better!

Calvary Herbal Supplement.

Drink some, and you won't die.

Oh.

Lady Zofia? A letter for you.

Mm.

- Thank you. Thank you very much. - Here you are.

I love the theater, except I love knowing what my mom's scheming more than anything.

Come on up, now. Theater can't save you from death.

And the devil never sleeps.

How can we be sure that we'll be safe once we pay?

That's easy.

I was the very first one to purchase this service.

Have you seen anything bad happen to me?

A crusader!

- Oh, okay. - Oh.

- Get out of my way. - Let me in there.

Oh, it's nice.

ESTEEMED LADY ZOFIA ADAMCZEWSKA

Aniela?

Uh, hi! Hello, Uncle.

I was just...

looking for my dad.

And I am the Sultan of the Ottoman Empire.

All right. You got me, Uncle.

What are you doing in my bedchamber?

Nothing. We were just joking around.

And I am the Sultan of the Ottoman Empire.

There's nothing like family.

Well, that was sneaky.

I am dying, for I was vain, my daughter! It is painful to admit that.

Anyone who does not learn this lesson shall never become king.

What an idiot! He's just like Andrzej.

People of Adamczycha!

You shall bow before me, your new Sultan!

It's lucky that Bogdan's here to save the day,

even though he sleeps in a barn, and can barely dress himself.

I'm so happy you came to say hello.

Because, even though I was on stage, I could see it in your eyes.

Your passion, it's intoxicating.

Oh, look at these dancing people over here.

Maciej.

We should do some dancing too. That'd be great.

You saved the show.

That sound, "ba-dum-tss,"

works much better after a joke than a death.

You're a natural.

- Just beginner's luck. - No, no, no.

Our shows can be kind of explosive.

You know what a small-town audience is like. At any moment,

you could face dogs, drunks, pogroms... but you can handle all of it.

We could use you, Maciej.

That's really nice, but I'm the blacksmith's helper here.

Wait a minute. You help the blacksmith?

Huh. So you're telling me that, if all goes according to plan,

you'll have a chance to become a blacksmith

in about ten years from now? Hm.

Simon!

Come play with us. We're waiting for you.

Arrivo!

All right. In two weeks,

we're headed back this way to some nearby villages.

That'll give you some time to think about whether your future's here or not.

Wait. So... first, he was unwell?

- Yeah. - And then...

Dad, it was a commercial.

Well, it saved my life.

- I'll live forever now. Until I'm 50! - It's a lie and you fell for it.

A lie?

A lie, she says.

This morning, I couldn't have crushed this goblet.

And now...

...after drinking the Calvary Herbal Supplement...

I feel much better.

Simon was right.

I've grown to love the theater.

The troupe doesn't care if you're a peasant or a magnate's son.

And why would they?

When you get on stage, you can be whoever you want to be,

and you can live any life that you want...

...and not just the life that fate dealt you.

Hi. Question.

What's the punishment for running away?