All language subtitles for Our.Happy.Holiday.2018.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC5.1

Yeah, hello?

We're on our way.

We're getting to the party.

What do you mean you guys are gone?
I thought we said we'd join you.

Ah... no more alcohol?

Okay, yeah.

Ben!

Let me have a chat with Marion and
Fleur and I'll call you back.

Actually more with Marion,
because Fleur is in the middle of a lips workout.

Hey bruv!

So, Girls? What do we do?

Marion? Fleur?

- Ben!
- What? What?!

Have you changed your
WIFI pass again?

- Have you changed your WIFI pass?
- Are you still connected to my routeur?

- Hiya Ben!
- Hiya.

Go ahead.

C, lower case V, hifen...

- What are you doing?
- I'm on Tinder.

- Tinder? Show me.
- Fleur! I'm texting!

Benjamin...

Q, R, upper case P, O.

You know you can modify your password?

I love my password.
I love my WIFI. Bye.

- There's something weird or what?
- What?

- He's got the exact same smile on every pic.
- That's scary.

- Be careful.
- I think he's a sales rep.

You're jealous, that's all.

Or a psycho.
Either a sales rep or a psycho.

Fuck, mom! I don't believe this.
Use the doorbell!

It's an emergency. You were not answering my calls.

Your nephew used my Ipad.
Now it's unusable.

Mom, I don't have time for that, I swear.

- I'm doing this for you.
- Okay, give me that..

I want to book a restaurant for
when we get to Biarritz.

Don't you find your virtual encounters
a wee bit pathetic?

Don't you wanna leave some room
for the beauty of randomness?

Do you prefer Caves Saint Jean
or Chez Bibi?

I don't know Mom. It's
in 3 days, I don't give a shit.

- I'm gonna ask your brother
- Right, ask him

Arthur!

- Hiya Nicole!
- Hiya!

Where do you want to eat
on Tuesday night?

We're going to the Courtepaille
before the motorway exit.

What? Is this a joke?

No, mom, it's more handy.
They have a ball pit.

No, no, it's either the Caves Saint Jean
or Chez Bibi. Pick one.

Courtepaille then.

- Courtepaille then?
- Yup.

OK. Good night.

Ben?

FIRST HOLIDAYS

Benjamin!

Marion?

Watch out, watch out!

- Catch the boat, catch the boat.
- Yep, yep, yep yep yep.

- All good all good all good
- Great, thanks a lot.

Do you want me to anchor the boat?
I can take the bottle and anchor it.

- do what?
- Anchor the boat. Moor it.

Nah nah, we're leaving, it's ok.

- Hey, mister is a sailor eh?
- Yes, a wee bit.

Careful, there's quite a gap there.

Gentleman, old school. I love it

Delighted to meet you though.

Love your t-shirt.
What does it say? ESIC?

Yeah, it's my business school.

Very stylish, I like it.

What have you planned for tonight?
Amaze us!

I don't know. We'll start with a drink and wing it...

- Hey! Quite original, no?
- Shut your mouth Romain.

Anyway, you really have
a beautiful smile.

Shut your mouth, Romain!

I'm not sure what it means,
but thank you.

- Ok guys. Have a nice trip.
- Bye!

- Bye, ESIC.
- Bye.

- Well, hiya.
- Good evening.

- How is it going?
-I left my bag inside the pub.

A bit chilly for July,
don't you think?

- Are you going to have a forecast talk?
- No, it's just...

Why not eh?

Oh yeah,
I got you a wee present.

- A present?
- Yes.

I have exactly what
you asked for.

You really got meds?

I got you an antiacid.
You needed it.

That's very very nice.

I wanted to make things right for my
date. My very first Tinder date.

- So it's really your first Tinder date?
- Well, yes.

Cause usually people say that, but...

- And it's not true?
- No.

Ok I see.
And you? Is this your first?

- No, it's not your first?
- No, I didn't lie to you.

How many?

I don't know, I didn't count.
Thirty, fourty?...

Thirty, fourty?!

Yes but don't worry, I usually
get bored after 1 minute.

Alright.
I'm not sure it makes me feel better...

- Well, cheers.
- cheers!

To antiacids!

You're lucky. This one is lemon flavoured.
They're the best.

Compared to what?

Compared to mint flavour,
they're disgusting.

Horrible. Have you ever tried?

Dreadful. They almost lost me
with the mint flavour.

- Are you pharmacist?
- No, I'm a sales rep.

But I hate feeling sick.
That's why I always carry meds with me.

I you want, I have paracetamol,
If you sprain your ankle, I have arnica.

Always one step ahead.

- So what do you do for a living?
- I draw.

- You draw
- I draw graphic novels.

That's great..
Do you make a living of it?

- No.
- No?

I'm living on government money
waiting for a suggar daddy.

Hence the dates.

I see. Shit.

- I'm kidding, Benjamin.
- That's what I thought.

Sorry, I take everything at face value.

I'm going step by step...

- I think it's time... time to go.
- Time to go.

We're going!

I'm very sorry, you have
to say good bye to your best friend.

Fuck, I forgot she was here.

I feel like she's a part of me now.

Yes, now you're great.

I feel like she's a shoulder pad.

You... you...

You'd like to go for a walk?

I'd love to, but the problem is I have
another Tinder date in 30mn.

Oh yeah?

- Woaw
- Ben!

You should get my sense of humour by now.

Fuck! I didn't get it at all.

Are you ok?

Are you crying?

You really cum like a deaf person.

I don't want to disturb your neighbour.
Holy cow!

Holy cow!

Fuck!

Holy cow!

Do all you Tinder dates end like that?

Nah, stairs sex is just with you.

That's good to know.

Can I use your bathroom...

To clean my hands...

- You want to take a pee?
- Yes.

Alright. At the back of the flat,
on your right.

- yellow door
- Ok

Oh fuck. Holly cow!

Holly cow!

Oof... Holly cow!

Oh, sorry. I didn't know..
I'm sorry.

- You alright, ESIC?
- I was looking for the loo, but...

Don't hesitate, we won't look.

No, no no no.
I'm not doing it in front of you.

I'm gonna leave you to it. Sorry.

No no, wait, actually I could use your help.
You must know your way around taxes.

Do you know what 'unrated taxable income
for PEA-PME' means?

That's my tax return.

Ok, do you have any shares in
a business?

A PME or a PMI?

No?

Nah, he's an experimental musician.

Ha ok, well in that case, no need
to fill that document.

- I'll leave you to it.
- Do you have a cigaret?

- No, I don't smoke. Ciao.
- Bye.

- Ben?
- Yeah, I'm here.

Come with me.

- Where are you?
- Come in the kitchen.

Where are you going?

Come!

I didn't know they were together.
They're having a bath.

Nah, sometimes we have bath
as friends, that's all.

Alright. Ok.

Come on. One step each.

- It's very high.
- One step each.

Careful! It's nothing. It happened
to me a thousand times.

Look at me in the eyes.

- Honestly I hate you.
- You adore me.
- Holy cow.

Give me your hand.

- Do you adore me?
- Yes, for real, I...

Come on, we're almost there.

That's exactly what I needed to end
the night. Dying falling from a roof.

- So, your holidays will be in Biarritz?
- Yeah.

Yeah, it's Biarritz.
Three weeks.

Like for the past 37 years.

Oh yeah?

Eh.

You, where are you going?

I'm going to Beirut, with
my crazy friends.

- Beirut?
- Yes.

That's lovely.

But isn't Syria better that
time of the year?

Very good time. I think you'll
a better blast over there.

You know, Syria is great.
But I've already been.

Ok I see.

Didn't know I was dealing with
a peacekeeper.

We're good here.

I could sleep.

- Fancy a wee nap?
- Yes.

No way Ben.

Do you actually have mouthwash
with you?

Wait.

You were never supposed to see this.
You were sleeping.

- I thought it was the good time to do it.
- Ben, you can't plan everything ahead.

I'm not planning anything..

Look, I never planned to meet
you tonight.

Or that we'd have sex on your doorstep.

Or that I'd end on a roof like an
Aristocat. I didn't plan any of that.

But I can plan to have a fresh
breath in the morning. There.

Will you come on holiday with me?

Come again?

- What?
- Perdon?

What? Did I just say that?

- I heard your voice.
- Yes, I think it was me.

- You told me something.
- I said something, did I?

Do you want to?

- So, two times?
- Yeah, sorry, it's getting confirmed.

I know you'll go your way,
and I'll go my way

You're gonna meet people
and live your own thing.

But I just want this to go on.
Just a wee bit.

Forget about it.

What's between Beirut
and Biarritz?

Halfway.

- Bulgaria?
- Yep.

Why Bulgaria?

She was supposed to go to Beirut
with her friends

And me to Biarritz

We said 'what's halfway?',
we opened a map and boom.

Bulgaria's there.

So you're gonna miss our trip to Beirut
to go on holidays

with ESIC?

Yeah, so what?

I think you forgot what holidays are
when you're in a relationship.

- I'm not in a relationship.
- Let me stop you here.

You're two human beings. Who have sex.
You're traveling together. Couple holiday.

So you'll ditch us to go on holidays with
a girl you don't know, in Bulgaria?

My brother is insane.

'Oh I'm hungry'.
'Look at this cute inn'.

'Amazing, sweetheart. Let me check
their ratings on Tripadvisor.'

- Only steamcooked food.
- Or yogurt. Yogurt is safe.

'You're so cute in front of that church'
'Wait, let me add a filter'

'I love it. What caption should I write?'
'Holidays of Looove?'

If i were you guys, I'd eat at
the hotel restaurant.

We've decided not to stay in a hotel.

We'd rather stay at locals'.

- Please don't say that.
- Perdon? Which local?

Any local. A nice one.

In an AirBnB

What's his name?
Beebee?

That's not his name mom.
I'll show you.

That means I'll go on holiday
by myself with...

- When did you guys meet?
- Last week-end.

I knew it.

Laugh as much as you want.

Holidays are the hardest
test for a couple.

Funny to start with it.

That's just crazy.

It doesn't make any sense.

Let's go.

I need to syncronize both devices.

I've got videos on this one
that I don't have on that one.

I think that's us.

- Ben?
- What?

I think that's us.

It's a shame you slept. The scenery
was lovely on the way

I went far far away, wooo.

It's here.

I recognize it from the picture.

See, that's a typical bulgarian house.

I see. It's great.

- Shouldn't it be on the sea front?
- Yes, I think it's on the other side.

Ok.

Wait, no. Actually the sea is
on the other side of the road

- Over there. At the very end.
- Yes, correct!

- Marion!
- Yes!

Yes, yes. I didn't understand
a damn thing. What?

Come over!

- Do you need help?
- Nah, I'm good.

Oh, we're dancing now?

- Nice, isn't she?
- Very nice indeed.

Great.

But... Fuuuck.

Isn't it so cute?

Yeah, good old kind of cute.

So so.

Not really an answer.

Holy shit. I knew it.

What is this place?

It's genius!

Yeah, superb...

Superb.

I'll take a pee and we can go
visit the surroundings

Sorry!

Marion, wait for me please.

We have to be super fast

Do you know that one person out of two
in the world dies on this road?

- Quick!
- Wait!

Marion, for real. I'm not jot joking.

Get ready to have your mind blown.
It's wonderful.

- It's horrendous.
- What?

The tide is quite low, isn't it?

Don't you think?

Oh cool. A jetty!

- Let's go for a swim!
- Go ahead, I'll catch up with you.

- Wait for me!
- Here we go!

Please be careful,
there's a lot of rusty shit.

That's Tetanus beach for you.

Marion, water is shallow! Careful!

You ok?
Did you hurt yourself?

Not at all!
Water is great!

Are you coming?

Nah, water is a bit too brown
for my taste.

Come on. The sand it covered in mud.
It's super soft.

That just grosses me out.

No no no, What the fuck are they doing?

For fuck's sake!
What is your problem?!

Welcome to Bulgaria!

They're in water now!
Go get it!

That can't be true!

- Are you afraid of dogs?
- No, I'm not afraid of dogs!

- They're attack dogs!
- Nah, they're very sweet dogs..

So? Happy?

- What are you doing here?
- Adventure eh?

At least you were right.
It looks wonderful here.

That colour of the sea.

What is it exactly?

Brown? Dirt?

You were right, Biarritz is overrated.

You made the right choice.

Enjoy your holidays.

Should we go?

Ben? Should we go?

- What a shame, I was in such a deep sleep.
- Let's go visit the town?

Fuck. So fucking annoying.

Ben, what are you doing?
Taking a shit?

No, no no no!
I'm having a shower.

Alright.

Did you find a power socket
that works?

Try the one downstairs
next to the kitchen.

Alright, but make it fast. I've found
an amazing restaurant.

Cucu has recommended it,
but they only serve until 9.

Sure, just let me finish.

- Ben?
- Yes, I'm coming down.

I've found my phone.

Dobar vecher.

We're almost there

- Are you coming? What are you doing?
- Just having a look at the menu

Looks really good.

- Here?
- Yes.

Salads, tuna tartare,
tataki. It all looks good.

Stop it. We're not dining here.
It's awful!

- No, it looks good.
- No, it's a big tourist trap.

But we are tourists.

- Let me just check on TripAdvisor
- I beg you, let's not go there

A local gave us the adress of an
amazing typical local restaurant

- Sure
- See? it's crowded

Maybe it's crowded because it's
actually good.

Dobar vecher.

- See, they're fishing for tourists.

Dobar den.

Sure.

Dobar...
Well.

The chef is so sweet.

He let me charge my phone
in his truck.

Great.

There's only locals here.
That's a very good sign.

I saw that...

- Hmm! Delicious!
- Seriously?

Looks like an oil bath to me.
With potatoes.

It's delicious. I swear.
Taste it.

I can't.

- Your loss, it's really good.
- Honestly, I don't feel like it.

Your loss.

What is it?

My mom. Sending pictures of her
with my cousins.

- You text your mom a lot, don't you?
- Yes.

You and your mom are strongly connected.

We keep in touch. We chat.
We communicate.

Yes, you're the family kind.

We take care of each other. I don't know.
Seems pretty normal to me.

Oh no, I'm not saying...

Isn't it the same with your family?

My family is quite small.
Just me and my mom.

And I can't say we're very close.

My mom is not really trustworthy.

But it's alright, don't worry.
My family is the people I've chosen.

Time for rakia.

I love that woman.

I'm so happy we're spending five
days at her place, she's so sweet.

We're spending five days at...

- Yes.
- Ok.

In Bulgaria we say nazdrave.

I'm not having any.
I'm just gonna freshen up.

- Nazdrave.
- Nazdrave.

Sorry, sorry.

- Come!
- Ben!

- What's happening?
- Todor is here and all!

I saw that.

No thank you, I'm not thirsty.

Ben! Ben!

Holy cow!

Turn on the light.

Wait.

- Fuck, that drink was strong.
- Very strong.

Are you taking your shoes off?
I'm keeping mine.

Marion, Marion, Marion,
stop pressing against my belly

I don't feel good.

- I'm sure you're alright
- No I don't think I can...

- What's wrong?
- My tummy hurts.

- Seriously?
- Yes, for real.

Nothing will happen down there anyway.
I don't feel good.

- Men are such a pain.
- How come?

We don't need a 90 degrees

60 ou 65 is way enough for us

Okay but we're talking 15 here. Or 2.

I swear.

- Please don't be mad at me?
- I am

Please, I'm begging you.
Oh great, now you've turned the lights off.

Ouch, Holy cow.

Oh fuck.

Shit.

Fuck.

What the fuck is he doing here?

He's breathing.

- Ben?
- Yeah?

What happened to you?

- What is it?
- Ah fuck.

I hit my head on a tree branch.

- A branch? Did you go out?
- Yes I went out, for...

Yes.

- During the night?
- Yes, I was out like...

At 2 in the morning.

- There was a, like...
- A horn?

No.

There was a wee kitten. Meowing.

- A kitten?
- I took it in my hands.

I pet it, told it to relax...

And then there was the other guy.
What's his name? Todor.

- Yes, Todor.
- He showed up, screaming.

"Cat! Cat! Cat! Cat!"

- In English?
- No, in Hungarian.

- In Bulgarian.
- Yes, in Bulgarian.

From there, I got scared...

I turned ahead and I didn't see
the branch

I took it right in the kisser

Poor you, that's awful.
What was he doing there?

I don't know.

- Why was he screaming?
- I don't know. He was drunk.

- He was drunk.
- He was totally drunk.

Plus he was holding a whip.

- A whip?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

- Do you think he hits the cats?
- Look, I don't know if he hits them

but what's sure is that they eat them.

- Bullshit.
- I am not kidding.

I'm telling you, they eat them.
I used the little path down to the barbecue

Yeah?

Listen to me. I saw huge balls of cat fluff.
Burnt cat fluff.

- Perdon?
- Right on the grill.

- You're saying they have cat barbecue?
- Yes.

- They're sick!
- Listen, I don't know. What can I tell you?

- What should we do?
- We get the fuck out! I'm leaving.

I can't tell you better.
I'm not ok with this.

Of course not. You're right.
Problem is I paid for 5 days.

- That's not a problem.
- I'm gonna try to negotiate.

No no, you're not going to negotiate.

I'm going to negotiate.
It's my job after all.

I do that every day.
Plus she didn't respect the rules.

- That's true.
- There's no privacy in the room.

Plus the guy who plays rock music
at 7AM.

To me, it's a faulty contract.

So, get our stuff ready
And I'm gonna go talk to her.

But first, I need to brush my teeth
and freshen up quickly

Enough with this comedy.

Hmm... oh well I don't give a shit.

Bye.

It's all good. I took care of it.
Let's roll.

- For real?
- Yes, give me the suitcase.

- Did she give the money back?
- Of course she did.

- How? Wire transfer?
- In cash. Look.

Ben that's a piece of paper.

Listen, we don't give a shit.
Four nights for 20 euros.

Are you crazy? I'm not leaving
one single euro to cat killers.

- We'll tell the authorities in Paris.
- No. Let me handle this.

- Cucu.
- Hi Marion.

Todor.

He's admiting.

- You shat in her garden?
- What? I never shat in her garden.

What happened?

Who cares what happened.
You think it's the right time?

- Water?
- No, thanks.

What is that?
Fuck, there's a rat!

I stepped on a dead rat.
For fuck's sakes. Make it stop.

What's wrong with you?

- I've just stepped on a dead rat!
- So what?

It's your fault if we left Cucu's.
This place was great!

- No, wait, this place was not great.
- Yes it was.

Marion it's time to stop loving everything
in life. This place was manky.

The room was dreadful and I'm sure
she burried half her family in the garden.

Stop laughing.
I'm telling the truth.

Excuse me but that beach?
A jetty under a motorway?

That's not my definition of holidays.

Holidays are, at least, some clean sand
and water that doesn't look like Coke.

Let's just find a hotel with power sockets
that work. I know you hated that too.

At least I don't shit in people's gardens.

I can't take a dump behind a curtain.
Can you understand?

I'm sorry, I was close to a
mean bowel obstruction.

Even as a kid I couldn't poo
at my friends'.

- I just couldn't.
- But, Ben, poo is life!

Marion, please, we don't know
each other.

It's our first holiday.
I don't want to talk about poo.

- I don't want to.
- Ok.

- Keep your poo and I'll keep mine.
- I know what you need. Sunny Beach.

- What?
- Sunny Beach.

It's a big resort city, cocktails,
parasols, stupid beaches everywhere.

- You'll love it.
- That's not what I'm asking you.

I also love adventure, but if we could go
to Sunny beach right now, it would be awesome.

Let's go.

Shit.

Ben?

Ben.

I have two pieces of news.

A bad one, and a slightly worse one.

Marion, you need to stop waking me up
like this all the time.

- It's brutal.
- This bus is not going to Sunny Beach.

We said hotels.
We said hot tubs.

- Ben, Ben.
- What?

I need to tell you.
I've got two new best friends.

Almog and Yuval.
Just there.

They're gonna take us to the best spots
in Rodope Park. Isn't it great?

No Marion, we're not following
some strangers we don't know.

Ben look at me.

I have a very good feeling about them.
Trust me, I have an instinct for that.

You have an instinct for lying.

Look at them.
Don't they look nice?

No, they look like circus jugglers.

All good.

I don't care if I sound posh

and if you feel ashamed of me,
but I feel we'll end up sleeping in trailers.

I can feel we're gonna have to shit
in the woods again. I can feel it.

Paradise for goats.

I'm not fit for this. At all.

Ben, heads up.

- I know, it looks amazing.
- Is it beautiful or not?

It's beautiful, but I'm not
adapted for this.

You all have moutain boots.
I've got beach shoes.

Ok, I love this place.

No way. French people in Perelik?

Yes indeed.

- Hello, I'm Marion.
- Hi, I'm Philippe. From Bruxelles.

- Benjamin.
- First time in Perelik?

Congrats guys. What I love about french people
is that you're always ready for adventure.

- You think so?
- I had no idea, but alright.

- Should I show you around?
- Yes, with great pleasure.

This is the bathroom area.

I must warn you, showers are a bit dodgy.
Sometimes hot, sometimes cold. You'll get used to it.

Can I visit the toilets though?

No you can't. See the scarf?
It means it's occupied.

- Bye Marion, enjoy your holidays.
- Stop. Come back here.

- You don't like the scarf system?
- Let's continue.

This is the kitchen corner.
It's amazing.

This is a Bulgarian family.

There's a turnover, but today
is their turn, again.

I must warn you, it's not really good,
but they're extremely nice.

Does it mean we take turns
for cooking?

Exactly. We switch regurlarly.

- Can you cook?
- No.

Excellent! You'll learn!

That's what's great about Perelik

We're all open to help those who don't know

- Exactly!
- It's great. That's exactly what we came for.

Thanks a lot for the tour.

- He's nice, isn't he?
- A bit annoying if you ask me.

- Really good.
- No, it's not 'really good'.

- We're 25 per room.
- We're gonna be just fine. Have you ever had such a king size bed?

I'm not in Erasmus Exchange program.
I'm too old for that.

Where will I put my stuff?
I'll have to hide my money, my laptop...

After all, we can be flexible.
Let's not act like party-poopers.

- Promiscuity can be fun eh?
- Yes.

- Look at you, all relaxed now!
- Sure, we don't care.

Holidays are holidays.

So where have you been before
coming here?

We spent a month in Tirana,
in Albania.

Then we'll stay here two more weeks,
then we'll head up to Belgrad

And finally Sarajevo,
because it's Jeanne's dream.

Why?

What do you mean Ben?
Sarajevo is gorgeous!

It's my dream!

And actually, it's not much

- Something like... two years ao?
- Yes, two years.

- We spent 16 months in Asia.
- 16 mois?

But don't you have a job?

Do you ever work?

Of course we do.

You know, traveling the world is a full time
activity. That's not something you improvise.

I find that lifestyle fascinating.
Totally amazing.

- It's a choice.
- Exactly.

- The world is such a big place.
- True, true.

It makes me want to cheer
to our world's beauty

- Yes, to our world's beauty!
- to our world's beauty!

to our world's beauty!

Mother's Earth Energy...

You give, you receive,
You give, you receive...

Hey, don't we look like we're
in 'Hair' musical?

It feels so good to be here.

Eh? We're good eh?

I think I'm starting to like it.
For real.

- Are you smoking a joint?
- Yeah...

- It's soft and natural.
- In that case...

Philippe grows it on its deck.

- The belgian guy.
- Belgian guy gave you this?

Oh, it's full-bodied.

Oh, it's strong.

That's one hell of a deck he's got.

Those two are amazing, aren't they?
So much freedom in their lives.

Freedom, please...

- A very capitalistic freedom.
- What do you mean?

Did you hear them? They rent their
flat in one of the biggest european capital

to rich people, meaning they
promote real estate speculation

And from there, they travel the world
in the cheapest places.

And finally they give us humanistic
lessons, wearing ponchos.

That's very well played,
but I'd never call that freedom.

You're proud of your theory, eh?

It's not bad. Not bad.

On the other hand, I've got much
respect for, hum

For Tania.

Of course.

She travels the world.

She's so brave.
I'm really proud of her.

- And more importantly, she's very, very fit
- So fit

- What? I mean she's fit, but...
- You're smoking truth potion!

I'm not even looking at her.

My wee frenchies!

Canyoning!

Stop it. It's embarassing.

Unbelievable. All they need is to blow
their nose to stop sounding so nasal.

I know a great ENT specialist
who can help them.

Apart from that,
you're really into canyoning?

What's canyoning?

- Come on, Ben.
- What am I doing here?! Fuck!

- Come on.
- Why did I say Yes?

- Just lean backwards.
- I can't! I'm going to die!

- Just put your feet againt the rock.

- Go on Ben!
- I thought we'd go canoeing

"Cânioningue!"

I can't stand those two anymore.
For real, I can't.

I'm on the wrong slope.
I'm going to slip.

Three, four...

YOU'RE BUSTING MY BALLS!!

That's the first thing you learn when...

- Fuck.

Trust him.
He used to be in the army.

- All good?
- What?

- Why not take your pants off? Flash them your arse?
- Ben, it's alright.

- No, it's not alright.
- There's no worry with them.

What do you mean?

- Ben.
- What?

They're together. They're gay.

How do you know?
Nothing says they're gay.

Ok, fine, obviously they're gay.

Still, it's not a good reason.

Whenever there's a gay guy around,
you girls always flip a switch

You start flashing your boobs and talk
sex with them like it's your best friend.

- They're still guys.
- Falafel!

In Paris we have a restaurant called
'Ace of Falafel'

It's in 'Le Marais' quarter (gay district)

Don't make me carry you upstairs.
Come on.

- I'm thirsty for water.
- Shhh

- Everybody is sleeping
- I don't give a shit

Israel is not sleeping.
They always sleep with one eye open.

They're gonna get up at 6am
to build a tree house.

- Oh fuck.
- What?

- Oh fuck.
- What's happening.

- What's happening.
- Have a look.

They're shagging!

She's a brave one, that Tania.

They lied to me.
They're not gay at all.

Of course they're not gay.
You made it up in your imagination.

- I can't believe it.
- What should we do?

What do you mean 'what sould we do'?

- Do you wanna go in?
- Are you crazy? What got into you?

I'm just saying.
They told me 'join us'.

Ok, let's go in if you want to.

- You really want to go in?
- Yes.

- Ok let's go then.
- One, two, three...

I knew it you didn't want to sleep with them!

You're driving me mad!

Do you really think I want to see
you like a meatball in this falafel?

There are limits to my intimacy, period.

- Come on now.
- Yeah, yeah.

Canyoning!

Don't tell me you're eating?!

Yes, you are.

I'm starving.

- Is it good?
- It's amazing.

- Give me some.
- You want to try?

- There
- Try that

- It's good.
- So good.

- There's chorizo if you want
- Not a bad idea

- It's good
- I love chorizo

A bit too salty though.

- Just a bit.
- Just a bit too salty.

That's my first aperitive-sex ever.

Ah, that's better.

What a good meal.

When will it stop?

What?

In the last 72 hours,

We got kicked out from an AirBnb

I almost died doing canyoning,

And now we're sleeping in some staples

because two israelian shaggers have
claimed the dorm.

- That's dense
- So dense

That reminds me of that movie with Grassman
and Trintignant, "Le Fanfaron".

Jean-Louis Trintignant
is a quiet young man,

who meets Vittorio Grassman
and decides to follow him.

And crazy things happen to him.

I know. I've seen that film.

It was my dad's favourite film.

I love it.

But you forgot to mention that
Trintignant's character dies at the end.

- No way?
- Indeed.

- Shit, I'm sorry. I totally forgot.
- That's funny you forgot that detail.

I'm happy.

I'm happy too.

He's doing something really weird to me.

They're not even looking at us.

They ditched us quite fast, didn't they?

They live the moment,
not like us.

They touched me. Deeply.

- Let's go?
- Let's go.

- You alright Ben?
- It's just the sweat in my eyes.

The weather's so humid around here.

I feel like we'll never see them again.
That's what pisses me off.

- Don't worry, they'll come to Paris
- No they won't

Next time, I'm having group sex with them.
I don't care.

Sharing is caring.

Time to pay for our tickets.

- I don't have my wallet. Did I give it to you?
- No. I don't have mine either.

- Are you kidding?
- No, but don't panic.

- Did you check your bag?
- Yes, don't worry, we'll find them.

- I always put it in the front pocket.
- I'm gonna check.

I remember putting it in here.

Did I put it back here?
Then we walked up the hill.

And then we...

Oh fuck.

What?

- Fuck! Fuck!
- What's happening Ben?!

- The israelians robbed us.
- Bullshit.

- Of course they did.
- You really think they cleaned us?

Obviously, when they hugged us
like a couple of cunts.

- Fuck, those two faggots!
- Yes, they are faggots.

- But I aslo really love them. It's bugging me.
- The ticket inspector is approaching.

We have no money, no ID.
Looks like we're good for 24h in jail.

- Get up.
- What?

Get up. Let's hide.

Are you crazy? We're gonna talk to the man
with the lovely moustache and everything will be alright.

I'm not spending 15 years in a turkish jail
getting buttfucked by turkish cellmates.

I don't think that can happen
by getting arrested in Bulgaria.

Trust me please. Just get up
and put a smile on your face.

Alright. you've snapped.
You've obvisously snapped.

- What are you doing?
- I'm creating a decoy.

You're just drawing all
the attention on us.

Look back to see if he's after us.

- What are you doing now?
- Setting up some traps.

He's following us. Come on.

What the fuck are you doing? Ben?!

- We're surrounded. There's another one here.
- Relax Ben, I'm gonna talk to them.

I'm gonna explain it all.
Everything will be ok.

Let's jump.
LET'S JUMP!

Are you crazy?
What are you doing with that door?

- LET'S JUMP!
- Are you out of your mind?

Don't toss my bag!
Are you crazy?

- Come!
-What the hell are you doing?

COME ON!

- Did you see how I jumped?!
- Like a mad man!

- I jumped!
- Like Jason Bourne!

- Fuck the police!
- Yeah!

- We're outlaws!
- We're thugs! We'll never py again!

Could you talk to them a little bit?
I'm afraid we're being quite rude.

Do you speak english?

I think they're having a
good laugh at you.

Looks a lot like piss to me.

What are they doing now?

- It was a joke?
- Of course it was.

Nice jump!

You're good Ben?

Absolutely not.

Who exactly did he call sexy?

Thank you, life!

- Are you happy now?
- Thank you, life!

- Finally a clean place.
- You have it.

You stay here, I'll check in at the desk.

I'll ask if my brother wired me
some money.

Marion! We're officially in heaven!
Marble everywhere!

It's gorgeous. So gorgeous.

Is he actually explaining everything?

Please do something, I'm begging you.

This guy is crazy.

- You gave him 20 leva?
- yes

- That's a lot of money, isn't it?
- Who cares, we're on holidays!

I'm hungry. Are you not hungry?

Let's get a room service.
We're gonna be just fine.

- Oh... The bed got me.
- Are not up for something else?

- It's so comfy.
- That thing you wanted to do when we got here?

The water park?

No no no. Let me have a wee nap

Give me an hour, and I'll be
all up for the water park.

But first I'm gonna sleep
reading a good old book.

What a plan.

They discovered a 4.5 billion years old
meteor in Australia. Can you believe it?

Crazy, eh?

No?

WIFI works like a charm here.

I'm shattered.
Should we go to sleep darling?

I mean Darling... Are you ready
for sleepy time?

No, I'm gonna draw a little bit,
I'll join you later.

Alright.

Have a good time, with music.

I'm gonna get a water bottle
for the bedroom.

Aqui tens.

It's... amazing.

It's just eggs and olives.
Nothing too special.

"E" for 'Equipier'(teammate)!
"S" for 'Solidarity'!

"I" for 'Immortal'!
"C" for 'Challenger'!

ESIC!

ESIC! ESIC! ESIC!

ESIC! ESIC!

ESIC!

- What a coincidence!
- Crazy! Which year?

- 1996.
- Me, 1998. Jéróme Lesture.

- You must know my brother.
- Of course I know him. What's his name?

- It's Arthur.
- Arthur Dutour? Of course.

- Do you know him?
- Indeed I do.

- Can we join you?
- Of course

- Hello.
- My wife, Pauline.

Nice to meet you.

- My little princess, Naomie.
- What a cutie! Hello!

- Let me introduce you Marion.
- Nice to meet you. Jéróme Lesture.

Hello.

- What a coincidence. It's mad.
- I can't believe it.

- So the three of you went to the same school?
- Not me, but I love their song.

- Of course.
- ESIC! ESIC!

I did it alone this time.

How long have you been here?

- In this hotel? Three days.
- Alright.

- First time in Bulgaria?
- Yes indeed.

Amazing.
That's the second time for us.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Because you really like the country?

Nah, it's not really interesting
around here.

It's difficult to find nice
holidays destinations these days.

- You bet.
- Spain is crowded with german people.

Greece is broke since
the economic crisis.

- True that.
- Morroco, Tunísia...

I don't want to get shot when
I'm taking a nap on the beach.

It's no simple, I tell you.

Especially for 800 euros
all inclusive. It's ridiculous.

I call this 'The Happiness Bracelet'

Everything is so cheap here.

ESIC!

We wanted to visit Nessebar this afternoon.
Would you like to tag along?

- Nessebar? The old town?
- Yes absolutely.

You've been talking about it for day.
Would you like to go?

Oh, come on.

- Let's do it together.
- We don't want to force you.

Let's do this.

Excellent.

"Tra... ces...

go... from... the..."

City... of... Me... sem... bria..."

- She's made so much progress.
- "O... X... I... I..."

"Be... fore... G... C..."

- J.C. It means Jesus Christ.
- She hasn't learned it yet.

That's why.

- Very good, Naomie.
- Congratulation sweetheart.

I'm not finished!

Don't worry, you'll read it later.
Give the book back to Marion please.

No I don't want to!

- Give me the book back, Naomi.
- No!

- Come on darling
- No I don't want to

What are you doing?
Give me that book Naomi.

Naomi, give me that book.
Oh look, an ice-cream shop!

Got ya!

- She got me too.
- Me too, there's nothing there.

You shirt is ugly.

- Perdon?
- So is your bag.

You're ugly,
Everything you're wearing is ugly.

Oh oh, well said!

Listen, Naomi,
That's called an opinion

For example, your pink bracelet,

I find it absolutely disgusting,
But I'm sure you find it cute, right?

Yes, Mommy bought it for me.

Oh yeah?

See, I hate pink,
but you seem to love it.

You wear pink head to toe.
'Na na na, pink is for girls', I hate that.

- Ok that's enough.
- Let's resume the visit?

- See, we both are right.
- You are so mean!

- What?
- Don't answer.

No, it's really important.
There's something you didn't get

I'm not mean, Naomi.
You've been mean to me.

- Very mean by the way.
- That's enough.

- Alright, alright.
- I think she can understand.

Should we meet again tonight?

- At the hotel.
- Yes, at the hotel.

- ESIC! Later.
- Later.

- I want an ice cream!
- You had enough ice cream for the rest of your life.

Hey, that's enough now.

What a nightmare!

No, you can't argue with a 6 years old girl.

That was insane, what you just did.

Being six doesn't give her the right
to be so obnoxious.

Don't get to her level.
That doesn't make any sense.

First of all, why do we have to put up
with these boring people and their rude kid?

What's with this stupid social
obligations between french people?

Maybe I just enjoyed their company.
Maybe I thought they were nice.

That's all it is.

- You thought they were nice?
- really nice.

You are bright red, you know?

- Am I?
- You are.

I didn't realise. I loved it.

He's really getting on my nerves
with his sexy.

Since when do you call me your wife?

What? You're my wife in some way, no?

The place I'm taking you tonight
is totally insane.

It's a japanese restaurant.
The chef is called Mamachiko...

Mamofokou, or something like that.
Five stars on TripAdvisor.

- Fleur!
- Hey.

- How are things in Yogurtland?
- Things are really good!

I've been trying to phone
you for two days

- Where are you?
- Well look, I'm here.

What's up in the Balkans?
Are you having fun?

I miss you guys so much.

-Hiya! We have to go.
- I'll catch up with you guys.

I'm coming in a minute

Listen, hen, there's something
I need to tell you

- Wait, first, how are things with ESIC?
- All good. Who cares? I'll tell you later.

- Hiya pals. How are you?
- Hey how are you?

Be nice to Marion
or we'll beat the crap out of you.

Don't worry, I'm taking
very good care of care.

By the way guys, I need to steal her
from you for 5 mn. I've got a surprise for her.

Let me finish my call and I'll be with you, ok?

Nah, don't worry.
Let's call each other soon, ok?

Nazdrave. Bye pals.
See you soon.

Sending big kisses, ciao!

- Here we are.
- Why couldn't you let me finish my call?

Oh stop it, you were finished already.

And I have something more important
to do with you.

- But, Ben.
- yes?

I don't necessarly want to have sex
after you had a really good poo

when your brain is really at peace,
and your skin is really well oiled.

- A bit rough...
- That really pissed me off

They're my friends. I was thrilled to have them on the phone.
Why did you interrupt me?

Well, ok.

Should we dress up
and go to the restaurant?

I don't want to go.

Why?

I don't want to eat sushis in Bulgaria.
Can you understand?

It's funny, how obsessed you can get.

- What's with her and her 'hop hop hop'?
- She booked the chairs.

- Do you hear how she's talking to us?

.

Calma, calma!

- Marion, they're insane, let's just go.
- No. it's importante.

- You have to stop now. You're insane.
- Did you hear how he's been talking to me?

Cunt!

- Marion, come back, I'm sorry.
- Fuck off!

Marion, please, come back.

Marion!

Oh shut your mouth, you.

I'M WORRIED MARION
PLEASE ANSWER MY MESSAGES

h?

You want to try some real bulgarian tradition,
eh?

Nazdrave.

Ben.

Marion...

What's wrong?

How could you do this to me?

- What's the problem?
- The problem?

I've been looking for you
for two hours!

I've been looking everywhere,
for fuck's sakes.

I called you fifteen times.
You never answered.

And you're here with that guy
who wants to fuck you since day one?

Nothing happened, what are you talking about?
And I don't need to justify myself.

- You don't need to justify yourself?
- No I don't!

It's not about justifying,
it's about respecting me.

Can you hear what you're saying?
You want to put me on a lead.

I was the one on a lead the whole holidays!

- Let's do this, let's do that
- Didn't you have the best holidays of your life?

I loved it.

But I brought you here for three days
because I really like this place.

No, you only did it to be in a comfy
hotel full of old cunts.

We just don't have the same expectations.

Why did you come get me tonight?

I came to get an apology.

You'll never get any.

See, that's crazy...

what was I expecting?

Going on holiday with someone
I barely knew?

Enjoy your holidays.

TWO MONTHS LATER

Hey there. I didn't hear you come back.
How are you?

- How are you, Christiane F?
- No funny.

Are you already up?
What have you been doing?

- A bit of work.
- I was reading.

- You? reading?
- Yeah.

Rom, please...

- Oops, sorry. For real...
- Omelette?

- No, thank you.
- I'd like some.

Could you use nice ham I like?

- From the butcher?
- Yes.

- Do you need help?
- To make an omelette?

I think I can manage.

I'm sure I can help you.

- I'll use paprika though
- Oh great!

You sleep together?

- Are you crazy?
- You had too many drugs.

Since when have you been
sleeping together?

- Two weeks
- Two months

Two months?
Why didn't tell me?

We didn't hide it from you.
You were on holidays.

- I got back two month ago.
- And it's not been easy talking to you since then.

Yup.

You're on the edge.
You're quite closed to us.

A wee bit passive-aggressive.

We were a bit scared to be honest.

To tell you.

That's true.

Tell me what?

That we are together.

When you say it like that, for sure...

Ok, alright. I'm going.

I need to process this.
Too much information right now.

- Marion, let's talk about it.
- No, I'm going to bed.

- We can get to bed with you if you want?
- No, that's creepy though.

- It's only to comfort her.
- There are limits.

A present for you.

It vibrates.

- Because you're single.
- You're a cunt.

Is it good?

Is it really how people see me?

A self-centered person?

Who can't stand others being happy?

- It's dreadful.
- No, it's nothing like that.

It's just not very clear
for us too.

Should I remind you we're
talking about Rom?

I know.
How are you going to put up with him?

I don't know.

No idea, at all.

I know he's never gonna change.

He'll never know how to do his tax return

He'll always make brocoli dance
and say that's how he makes a living.

But...

I think he's a freaking genius.
And I'm crazy about him.

Odd, isn't it?

I find it beautiful that you are together.

And to be honest,
I always knew it would happen.

Oh yeah,
of course you knew!

You shut your mouth.

Careful,
That's a music instrument!

So. Come with us.
Enough with your garbage.

Come get some air, you're so pale
you look like Mylene Farmer (french singer)

'Libertine' (song name)

Wait.

- Wait, excuse me.
- What is it?

I don't know, it's just...

- Am I choking you?
- Yes. I can't breath.

I'm sorry.
Do you want to get on top of me?

- Okay
- You'll be getting some fresh air

Hurry up. Hurry up.

Ouch, you broke it in half.

- Yes, but you're a bit...
- Alright, here we are.

It's good like that. It's good.

What are you doing?
Stop.

If you do that,
my breats will get saggy and I hate it.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Now that I've told you that, I can see
the image and it makes me uncomfortable.

Okay, so what would you like to do?

- Should I take you from behind?
- In the butt?

- What?
- No?

- Is that what you want?
- No.

Okay, but we need a solution, quick.
Cause things are getting lower.

- Do you like spooning.
- I love it.

It's itchy.
Wait, my butcheek is stuck.

It's not bad like that.

I can feel your bellybutton.
It's funny.

Alirght, it's good like that.

- That's good yeah.
- Wait.

- What?
- Alright.

- Like this?
- Yes.

- Wait, wait
- What? What?
- Stop, stop, stop, stop

Don't come inside me okay?

Don't come inside me,
I find it absolutely disgusting.

It spreads and I feel like it's going
to swallow my whole body.

- It's alright.
- I'm sorry.

No worries,
we're getting to know each other

- So... about now... are you finished?
- Yep, that's the end of the line for me.

- For real?
- Yes.

I'm gonna put some cream on.
I think it's your beard.

You should shave,
it's horrible like that.

I feel like you poked holes
on my face.

You really need to do something
about your beard, I'll be back

So you don't like beard or cum?
Great.

So if I book my Monday, with the bank holiday,
that would give us five days.

- Great, great.
- That would leave enought time to enjoy.

And maybe on the way to Biarritz
we can stop for a night at the Pétinière?

Do you like it? Do you know it?
Géraldine told me about it.

It's an hotel de charme.
Their breakfasts are to die for.

I can't wait.
5 days just for us.

- I think that...
- Sounds really good.

Wait Ben, I'm not on the bike.

Ben?

But...

- Great, 25 minutes late. Really great.
- It's alright.

- No, that's not alright.
- Don't even start.

You really look like shit.

Fuck. Shit.

You should sleep at night.

You're such a fucking teenager.

OUR FIRST HOLIDAYS
MARION FERJANNE NEW GRAPHIC NOVEL

- Ben, please.
- Wait.

MY HEROE
COMING BACK, DEFEATED

Here you are.
What are doing on the floor?

That's me.

- What do you mean?
- That's me.

I see.

- She made a graphic novel about your holidays?
- yeah

She's crazy.

It sucks.

- What do you mean?
- Drawings are ugly.

- It's poorly made.
- Ok, stop it now.

You're talking nonsense.

- Does it move you?
- Of course it does.

It's cute.

You think that's cute?

You know why you don't like it?

It's knowing that this
will never happen to you.

A girl drawing a graphic novel
to tell you she loves you.

Never.

Because everything is planned
and square with you guys. 6 months ahead.

You know exactly when you're gonna have sex,
when you're gonna come...

Easy easy.

This is a reading room please.

Sorry.
I'll take this.

You'll pay.

18,90 Euros

- 18,90?
- Yes.

- For this?
- Yes, for this.

Rom? Rom?

Do you mind doing this
when we're not in the room please?

Rom, fuck, stop with that thing!

Could you stop?
We're also here.

Thanks.

Sorry but ironing is annoying enough...

- So why are you doing it?
- Doing what?

Why do you iron if it's so boring?

- You want to know why I'm ironing?
- Well...

I'm ironing because I have a job.

This guy...

Every morning I wake up,
Have a shower, and put clothes on.

Once I'm dressed, I get the tube,
And then I go to photoshoots

Presentations...

All the things I can't do naked.

But you're lucky enough
not to have this kind of problem.

What are you gonna do tomorrow?
Wake up at 11, 12, 2pm?

No proper schedule, and then you'll
crawl from your room to your studio

with the same dirty pants
everyday of the week.

and then, you'll spin a wheel
and a freaking plastic duck

because you're free.
You have no obligations at all.

And me, I'll be ironing
like an idiot

It's sad, but it's a fact.

- There you are.
- What?

You're finally a normal couple,
having a fight about everyday problems.

Congratulations.
I envy you.

I envy you for real.

That being said, I think
it's time for me to move.

Because you guys really need
to spend time together.

Brace yourselves. I think everything
will go pretty fast.

- What's gonna go fast?
- I don't know.

Marion?

Marion, please.

What are you doing here?

I came to see you.

I've been waiting for you
for 50 minutes.

Why didn't you come upstairs
if you had something to say?

Cause I didn't have the code for the door.

It's only in films that people
have the code for the door.

Also I don't have any ladder,
since I'm not a fireman.

I'm listening.

I miss you.

I miss you!

Listen, you're the one who ditched
me on that bloody beach.

I've got one more thing to say

I bought your book.

I don't find this funny.

Is this really how you see me?
Do I deserve this?

My eyes are to close,
my hair looks like a rug from B&Q.

Horrible. I look like a young Sarkozy.

Not at all.
I like you like that.

I love you like this.

And I love you like that.

So what do we do now?

Let's dive in?

- That's a shitty metaphore, no?
- Not so shitty.

Welcome to the Sunny Beach boat.

If you'd like to do me the honor...

Welcome to a world of luxury, comfort and grace.

Please come aboard,

nice and slow.

Prepare for extra cheesiness.

I'll start driving the boat now.

Destination: adventure,
but with at least some decent comfort.

- Do you even know how to drive a boat?
- Of course I do, and I'm gonna prove it.

- So what are we doing now?
- I don't know. Do we really care?

- I can see you've changed!
- I even have a swiss army knife in my pocket.

Ben Ben Ben, you're driving us into the wall.