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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:10,592 [PHONE RINGING] 2 00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:15,097 [HOARSE] Hello. 3 00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:17,975 [COUGHS] 4 00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:19,476 Hello. 5 00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:21,270 I love my new job! 6 00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:24,273 - Honey, you're screaming. - You bet your ass I am. 7 00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:26,400 I just had the best first day ever. 8 00:00:26,568 --> 00:00:28,736 The kitchen? Twice as big as Allessandro's. 9 00:00:28,945 --> 00:00:30,738 - Oh, that's great. MONICA: Yeah. 10 00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:35,200 And clean? Not just Health Department-clean, Monica-clean. 11 00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:36,952 Awesome. 12 00:00:37,328 --> 00:00:39,288 Oh, and the people are so nice. 13 00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:41,957 There's this one guy, Jeffrey, he's the maître d'. 14 00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:44,293 Chandler, you will love him. 15 00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:47,254 He is without a doubt the funniest guy I have ever met. 16 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:45,229 - This is nice. - I know. 17 00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:57,116 - You need both hands for that? - Yeah, I kind of do. 18 00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:59,326 Well, how's this? 19 00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:16,718 Oh, look at you two holding hands. 20 00:02:17,095 --> 00:02:18,971 Is this getting serious? 21 00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:20,681 Well, I, you know... 22 00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,975 Have you not talked about it yet? 23 00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:26,728 Am I making you uncomfortable? 24 00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:30,899 If you were bigger you'd hit me, huh? 25 00:02:35,947 --> 00:02:37,030 I'm sorry, heh. 26 00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:41,118 It's obviously way too early for us to be having that conversation. 27 00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:43,203 - Is it? - Maybe not. Is it? 28 00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:45,205 Okay, when I got divorced... 29 00:02:45,373 --> 00:02:48,876 ...I didn't think I'd feel this way about someone for a really long time. 30 00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:51,879 Then again, I didn't think I'd meet someone like you. 31 00:02:52,046 --> 00:02:56,258 And this may be crazy-soon, but I want you to have this. 32 00:02:57,802 --> 00:03:00,262 - No, not... That's gum. - Oh. 33 00:03:02,056 --> 00:03:04,850 Oh, five bucks. I love it when that happens, you know? 34 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,477 - You don't know it's there... - I know. Keep digging. 35 00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:08,979 Oh, sorry. 36 00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:14,568 Oh. It's a key. 37 00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:18,113 To be honest, I think I'd prefer the five dollars. 38 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,700 - It's to my apartment. - Oh, wow. 39 00:03:21,951 --> 00:03:24,369 Ooh. Big step for Phoebe and Mike. 40 00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:27,748 Look, I don't want you to feel like you have to give me your key... 41 00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:30,667 - No, I want to. - Oh, thank God. 42 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,961 Yeah. 43 00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:36,089 Wow. I was starting to think I'd never meet someone that... 44 00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:38,717 ...you know, I wanted to do this with. 45 00:03:39,677 --> 00:03:41,303 Here you go. 46 00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:45,182 - This is cool, huh? - It really is. 47 00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:51,063 Oh, I know it. It is amazing. These little things open doors. 48 00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:57,027 So I don't go back to work for another four weeks... 49 00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:59,238 ...but we would like our nanny to start right away... 50 00:03:59,405 --> 00:04:01,240 ...so that Emma could get a chance to know her. 51 00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:03,575 I think that's really smart. 52 00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:06,119 The easier we can make the transition for her the better. 53 00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:07,329 That's great. Great. 54 00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,873 - So do you have any questions for us? - Not really. 55 00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,376 All right. Well, thank you so much for coming. 56 00:04:12,543 --> 00:04:15,128 ROSS: Thank you. - It was really nice to meet you. 57 00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:17,798 - We will call you. - Oh, you know, wait. 58 00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:19,675 - I do have one question. RACHEL: Yeah. 59 00:04:19,842 --> 00:04:22,803 Do you guys do random drug testing? 60 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,808 Boy, we, uh, hadn't really thought of that. 61 00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:31,937 That's cool. But if you do, I'm gonna need three days' notice. 62 00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:33,563 Okey-dokey. 63 00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:36,817 Wow. We're never gonna find a nanny. 64 00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:40,529 Come on, Rach. We will. I promise. We have more interviews. 65 00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:44,825 And worse comes to worst, we can always reconsider the, uh, first one we met with. 66 00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:48,787 - What, the blond with no bra? - She was blond? 67 00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:51,206 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 68 00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:52,416 Just a sec. 69 00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:55,794 - Okay, this one's name is Sandy. - Okay. 70 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:59,214 She's got a degree in Early Childhood Education. 71 00:04:59,757 --> 00:05:03,218 Uh, she worked for her last family for three years. 72 00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:04,761 Okay. 73 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,099 Hi. I'm Sandy. 74 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:14,980 And she's a little mannish. 75 00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:19,693 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 76 00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:25,073 - Ah! Oh, my God. David. - Hi. 77 00:05:25,241 --> 00:05:29,536 - Uh, is this a bad time? - No, it's a great time. Come in. 78 00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:31,830 Wow. Hi. 79 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:35,208 Oh, my gosh. What are you doing here? Are you back from Minsk? 80 00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:37,044 Well, just for a couple of days. 81 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,796 I'm here to explain to the people who gave us our grant... 82 00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:42,758 ...why it's a positive thing that we've spent all their money... 83 00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:46,219 ...and, uh, accomplished, uh, nothing. 84 00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,722 Who cares? It got you here. 85 00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:52,059 Well, it got me to New York anyway. Then I got in a cab at the airport... 86 00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:53,894 ...and the guy said, "Where to?" 87 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:57,856 I just gave him your address. I didn't even think about it. 88 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,360 Wow. Where's your luggage? 89 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,821 Damn it. 90 00:06:06,407 --> 00:06:08,408 All right, I'll call the cab company. 91 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:12,662 We can call them later. Can you just stand there for a moment? 92 00:06:12,830 --> 00:06:14,456 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 93 00:06:15,124 --> 00:06:16,291 Boy. 94 00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:19,294 There's an old Russian expression, um, that goes: 95 00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:22,964 [SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN] 96 00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:25,467 Roughly translated, that means, um: 97 00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:28,887 "This thing that I'm looking at: Wow." 98 00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:32,432 Thank you. 99 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:36,186 Uh, no, you should see me when... Actually, no, I look pretty good. 100 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,772 Are you kidding? 101 00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:41,233 You know, when you don't see someone for a long time... 102 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,985 ...and you kind of build them up in your head, you start thinking: 103 00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:47,155 "Come on, don't be crazy, nobody's that beautiful." 104 00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:49,825 But, well, you are. 105 00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:54,788 Well, so, um, are you seeing anyone? 106 00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:57,874 No. 107 00:06:59,335 --> 00:07:01,586 I'm just the worst person ever. 108 00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:04,339 How can I not tell David that I'm seeing Mike? 109 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,133 Maybe he didn't give you a chance. 110 00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:09,761 He said, "Are you seeing someone?" And I said, "No." 111 00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:13,723 - Oh, well, that would've been your window. - Yeah. 112 00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:17,644 I mean, I don't know. I was looking in his eyes... 113 00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:21,398 ...and I was just thinking, "Oh, my God, it's David. David's here." 114 00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:23,984 He's just so irresistible. 115 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:27,487 - Really? The scientist guy? - Really? Chandler? 116 00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:35,662 Continue. 117 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:37,998 Okay, then it gets worse... 118 00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,250 ...because I told him I would see him tomorrow night. 119 00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:43,879 - Phoebe. - I know. Evil. 120 00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:45,964 And, and, and, and... 121 00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:51,553 I like Mike so much, you know? It's just going really well. Oh, my God. 122 00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:54,097 Wow, isn't it ironic that David would show up... 123 00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:56,766 ...on the same day that you and Mike exchange keys? 124 00:07:57,059 --> 00:07:59,227 Uh-huh. 125 00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:02,647 Yeah. You know, and given my lifelong search for irony... 126 00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:04,858 ...you can imagine how happy I am. 127 00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:10,447 - What are you gonna do? - I mean, I guess I just have to... 128 00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:14,117 ...tell David that nothing can happen between us. 129 00:08:14,368 --> 00:08:16,578 Unless I don't. 130 00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,747 You know, complicated moral situation? 131 00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:21,583 - No right, no wrong? - You have to tell David. 132 00:08:21,792 --> 00:08:25,545 I knew I should've had this conversation with Joey. 133 00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:30,717 Funniest guy she's ever met. 134 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:32,969 I'm funny, right? 135 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,680 What do you know? You're a door. 136 00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:38,600 You just like knock-knock jokes. 137 00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:43,688 Save it for inside. 138 00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,525 - Hey. - Hey. 139 00:08:46,817 --> 00:08:51,488 So Oklahoma's a crazy place. You know, they call it the Sooner State. 140 00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:54,115 Frankly, I'd sooner be in any other state. 141 00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:58,703 And what's with Oklahoma having a panhandle? 142 00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:00,580 Can all states have stuff like that? 143 00:09:00,748 --> 00:09:04,125 Hey, yeah, I'm from the, uh, waistband of Wyoming. 144 00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:08,380 But when I was 7, we headed over to the crotch. 145 00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,716 Was your cabin pressurized? 146 00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:16,137 And don't get me started on the way the people from Tulsa talk. 147 00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:18,098 Okay. 148 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:24,145 What's with the word "y'all"? You know, just two words just pushed together? 149 00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:27,566 Are we all allowed to do that? Because if so, I say why stop there? 150 00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:31,403 You know, your new poodle could be your noodle. 151 00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:34,281 And fried chicken could be fricken. 152 00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:37,367 Waiter? Waiter, excuse me, I'll have the fricken. 153 00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:42,038 See, that's funny with the fricken, right? 154 00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:46,876 No, it just reminds me of something this guy did today at work. 155 00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:49,546 I told you about that funny guy, Jeffrey, right? 156 00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:51,131 Yeah, he came up. 157 00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:56,303 Well, he did this bit. You probably had to be there... 158 00:09:56,470 --> 00:10:01,141 ...but it was Liza Minnelli locked in our freezer eating a raw chicken. 159 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,851 Oh, ha, ha. 160 00:10:06,063 --> 00:10:09,482 - Were you there? - No, but it sounds fricken funny. 161 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:16,448 I really understand how hard it's gotta be to leave your child with another person. 162 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,909 I mean, it's like leaving behind a piece of your heart. 163 00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:24,247 Sandy, that's exactly what it is. 164 00:10:25,666 --> 00:10:29,252 - Are you gay? - Ross. 165 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,588 It's okay. I get that a lot doing what I do. 166 00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:34,716 - But I am straight. I'm engaged, actually. - Oh. 167 00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:37,385 - Her name's Delia. - That's pretty. 168 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:43,516 So you're just, like, a guy who's a nanny. 169 00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:49,022 I realize how it's a bit unorthodox for some people. 170 00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:53,234 But I really believe the most satisfying thing you can do with your life... 171 00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:54,903 ...is take care of a child. 172 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,988 Okay. 173 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,034 Like at my last job. 174 00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:03,328 I met Daniel when he was 3 weeks old. 175 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:07,123 And I got to watch him grow into this awesome person. 176 00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:10,418 When I left, I said, "I'll see you soon." 177 00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:13,630 And he said to me, "Skadandy?" 178 00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:18,051 - That was his name for me. - Oh, ha, ha. 179 00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:22,472 "I'll see you every day right in..." 180 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,557 [SOBBING] 181 00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:32,732 - It's okay. - Yeah, kids say all kinds of crap. 182 00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:36,903 [EMMA CRYING] 183 00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:39,447 Oh, God, she must need her diaper changed. 184 00:11:39,615 --> 00:11:44,327 - I can take care of that, if you want. - Oh, that would be great. 185 00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:49,999 I love him, I love him, I love him. 186 00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:52,252 Oh, come on. Rach, he's a guy. 187 00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:54,713 So what? He's smart. He's qualified. 188 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,048 Give me one good reason we shouldn't try him out. 189 00:11:57,341 --> 00:12:00,719 Because it's weird. 190 00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:02,345 Why? 191 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,014 What kind of a job is that for a man? A nanny? 192 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,268 I mean, it's like if a woman wanted to be... 193 00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:09,728 Yes? 194 00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:13,481 King? 195 00:12:15,359 --> 00:12:18,903 I, uh, hope you don't mind. I used some of my homemade lotion on Emma. 196 00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:23,199 It's a mixture of calendula and honey cream. It'll dry that rash right up. 197 00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:26,494 Plus, it keeps the hands young. 198 00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:35,420 Yes. Sandy, you're hired. 199 00:12:35,796 --> 00:12:37,672 That's great. 200 00:12:41,552 --> 00:12:42,635 I'm sorry. 201 00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:46,264 It's just such an emotional thing when you're welcomed into a new family. 202 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:47,766 Oh, God. Come here. 203 00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:53,813 You gotta be at least bi. 204 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:03,531 Hey. 205 00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,083 I need you to set me up for a joke. 206 00:13:14,251 --> 00:13:16,711 When Monica's around, ask me about fire trucks. 207 00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:21,883 Ooh, I don't know, Chandler. I'm not so good with remembering lines. 208 00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:26,846 Well, thank God your livelihood doesn't depend on it. 209 00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:28,848 I know, right? 210 00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:31,351 Why are we doing this? 211 00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:35,146 Monica says that her maître d' is the funniest guy she's ever met. 212 00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:39,317 - Seriously? She actually said that? - Yes. Am I crazy to be this upset? 213 00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:42,529 - No. Being funny's your thing. - Yeah. 214 00:13:42,696 --> 00:13:45,198 Without that, you just got "lame with women." 215 00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:48,326 Hi. There you are. 216 00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:49,744 Fire trucks. 217 00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:54,624 [INAUDIBLE] 218 00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:04,968 Wow. You look even more beautiful than you did yesterday. 219 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:09,222 - Ooh. - In fact, I'm going to kiss you now. 220 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:12,350 - Oh, wait, wait. - Yeah, I can't get away with stuff like that. 221 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:15,520 It sounded sexy in my head, so I... 222 00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:17,897 No, no, it's not that. 223 00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:19,357 [PHOEBE CLEARS THROAT] 224 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:23,319 Remember when you asked me if I was seeing someone and I said no? 225 00:14:23,487 --> 00:14:29,993 - Well, um, I am. His name's Mike. - Oh. Oh. 226 00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:33,371 - I should've told you. - No. 227 00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:36,165 - Well, yeah. - Yeah. 228 00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:42,046 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Well, it's okay. I understand. 229 00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:44,757 Well, are you happy with this guy? 230 00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:47,051 - I am happy. - Damn it. 231 00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:50,680 I'm sorry. I don't mean that. I want you to be happy. 232 00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:54,142 But only with me. No, that's not fair. Who cares. Leave him. 233 00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:57,687 I don't mean that. Yes, I do. I'm sorry. Um... 234 00:14:57,855 --> 00:15:02,108 - I think I should probably, uh, go. - Well... 235 00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:06,321 But, David, I just want you to know that, you know... 236 00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:11,075 ...telling you this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. 237 00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:13,995 Well, just so you know... 238 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:17,290 ...hearing it wasn't exactly a Vladnik carnival, either. 239 00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:23,796 - Can we at least hug goodbye? - Of course. Yeah. 240 00:15:31,138 --> 00:15:34,849 You know, and a kiss on the cheek wouldn't be totally inappropriate. 241 00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:37,810 - No. No. - I mean... 242 00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:42,190 - In Minsk? - Yeah? 243 00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:44,984 - It's, um, two on each cheek... - Mm-hm. 244 00:15:45,152 --> 00:15:48,821 ...and, uh, one on the lips. - Well, if that's what they do in Minsk... 245 00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:57,997 In New York, it's... 246 00:16:06,715 --> 00:16:08,257 RACHEL: Oh, boy. 247 00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:11,719 Hi. 248 00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:14,180 Is everything all right? 249 00:16:14,431 --> 00:16:16,557 Oh, yeah. No, it's fine. It's fine. 250 00:16:16,725 --> 00:16:20,561 Sandy was just telling me about how he proposed to his fiancée... 251 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,605 ...and it was so beautiful. 252 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:26,025 Well, her favorite flower is the camellia. From the poem... 253 00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:27,777 I can't hear it again. 254 00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:30,947 You know, I can't tell it again. 255 00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:33,491 And I'm fine never having heard it. 256 00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:40,331 - Rach, can I see you for a sec? - Yeah. Excuse me. 257 00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:48,965 Do you realize that man has cried in our apartment three times? Huh? 258 00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:52,176 I haven't cried that many times since I moved in. 259 00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:55,722 Look, Ross, Sandy's just sensitive. That's all. 260 00:16:55,889 --> 00:17:00,309 Okay, okay. See, that is the problem. He is too sensitive. 261 00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:02,437 Too sensitive to take care of our baby? 262 00:17:02,646 --> 00:17:05,940 No, I mean, all I'm saying is that guy... These are amazing. 263 00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:09,027 Sandy made madeleines. 264 00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:12,488 This is exactly what I'm talking about. 265 00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:18,202 What kind of a guy makes delicate French cookies? Huh? 266 00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:21,831 They're not even butch, manly cookies with... 267 00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:25,126 You know, with chunks. 268 00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:31,424 Well, you know, I don't know what to say. 269 00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:35,511 I mean, I never thought of you as a guy who needed his men to be men. 270 00:17:35,679 --> 00:17:39,140 I gotta tell you, Ross, it's not like you just came in from branding cattle. 271 00:17:44,521 --> 00:17:48,399 Hey, there's sensitive and there's too sensitive. 272 00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:51,444 Okay, what is too sensitive? 273 00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:54,447 [RECORDER MUSIC PLAYING] 274 00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:19,263 No, I can't. I can't do this. It's bad. 275 00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:24,185 - But it's nice. And nice is good. - Mm-hm. 276 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:27,939 And good is not bad. Ergo, we should keep kissing. 277 00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:30,650 - No, no. No. - But... 278 00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:33,236 Ergo. 279 00:18:34,696 --> 00:18:37,657 Look, David, if you had never left, then... 280 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:40,576 ...yeah, we'd probably still be together right now. 281 00:18:40,744 --> 00:18:47,208 But you did leave. And I'm with Mike, and I really care about him. 282 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:54,298 Well, um, goodbye. Uh... 283 00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:58,302 [SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN] 284 00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:00,596 [DOOR OPENS] 285 00:19:00,764 --> 00:19:03,015 Well, the key works. 286 00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:07,520 And, you, thanks for the face massage. Thank you. 287 00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:13,651 Did Rachel tell you we hired a male nanny? 288 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:15,945 - Yeah. I think that's great. - Oh, really? 289 00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:21,784 Did she tell you he plays the recorder, recites poetry and bakes madeleines? 290 00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:28,249 - Oh. How are they? - Lighter than air, but that's not the point. 291 00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:31,544 - Hey. - Hey. 292 00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:33,963 Rachel and I hired a male nanny. 293 00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:36,382 Really? 294 00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:38,634 Guys do that? 295 00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:40,845 - That's weird. - Thank you. 296 00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:43,681 - That's like a woman wanting to be a... - What? 297 00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:47,435 - What's the end of that sentence? - Yes. What is the end of that sentence? 298 00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:50,062 Uh... 299 00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:52,523 A penis model. 300 00:19:58,113 --> 00:20:01,032 Anyway, hey, did you tell Chandler that some guy from work... 301 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,075 ...is the funniest guy you ever met? 302 00:20:03,243 --> 00:20:06,412 - Yeah. So? - Wow. 303 00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:09,540 Really? Do you not know Chandler? 304 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:15,963 Is that why he's acting so weird? He's jealous? 305 00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:17,298 Oh, my God, that is crazy. 306 00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:19,884 - It's not like I'm attracted to Jeffrey. JOEY: So what? 307 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:24,931 Being funny is Chandler's thing. You know, like Ross' thing is... 308 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:31,729 Science? 309 00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:37,235 - Academia? Being a good father? - No. 310 00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:43,324 - I can't believe he's that upset about this. - You have to do some damage control. 311 00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:44,825 Because he's feeling like... 312 00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:47,745 CHANDLER: Hey. - Hey. Hey. 313 00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:50,831 - What are you guys talking about? ROSS: Uh, ahem. 314 00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:54,627 Rachel and I, uh, hired a male nanny. 315 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:57,505 You got a man who's a nanny? 316 00:20:58,382 --> 00:20:59,674 You got a "manny"? 317 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,011 [ALL LAUGHING] 318 00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:11,352 You know, I don't mind a male nanny... 319 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,354 ...but I do draw the line at male wet nurse. 320 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:21,195 Oh! Oh! You are on a roll, mister. 321 00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:24,991 If I'd known you guys were coming over, I would've brought more pizza. 322 00:21:27,327 --> 00:21:31,455 Okay. Okay. Stop it, you. You stop it. 323 00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:35,668 What is so funny about that? 324 00:21:36,420 --> 00:21:39,755 I don't know, it's... Well, just the way you say it. 325 00:21:39,923 --> 00:21:43,884 I mean, you're funny. You have that funny thing. You're a funny guy. 326 00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:48,597 Did you tell her what we talked about? 327 00:21:48,765 --> 00:21:50,683 [LAUGHS] 328 00:21:54,229 --> 00:21:55,896 Yeah. 329 00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:02,945 So those were pity laughs? Pity laughs? 330 00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:05,990 MONICA: Honey, listen. 331 00:22:06,366 --> 00:22:08,409 You have nothing to worry about with Jeffrey. 332 00:22:08,577 --> 00:22:10,703 Oh, yeah? Is he funnier than me? 333 00:22:11,079 --> 00:22:13,581 Well, you're different funny. 334 00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:16,083 I mean, you're more sarcastic. 335 00:22:16,251 --> 00:22:19,962 And, well, he does bits and impressions and limericks. 336 00:22:20,130 --> 00:22:21,255 I do limericks. 337 00:22:21,506 --> 00:22:26,927 Uh, there once was a man named Chandler whose wife made him die inside. 338 00:22:28,388 --> 00:22:31,098 Honey, you know I think you're hilarious. 339 00:22:31,266 --> 00:22:33,184 You know that joke you told me last week? 340 00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:36,228 The one about Jerry Lewis and the girl with the lazy eye? 341 00:22:36,396 --> 00:22:37,980 That slayed me. 342 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:42,568 Hey. I made up that joke and told it to you. 343 00:22:46,281 --> 00:22:48,366 - Not knowing when to shut up. - Yep, that's my thing. 344 00:22:48,533 --> 00:22:50,159 Yup. 345 00:22:57,167 --> 00:23:00,461 So how many guys have your key? 346 00:23:00,796 --> 00:23:03,506 No, no, no. It's not as bad as it looks. 347 00:23:03,757 --> 00:23:05,758 I was saying goodbye to an old friend. 348 00:23:06,134 --> 00:23:08,219 Your lipstick's on his mouth. 349 00:23:08,387 --> 00:23:12,014 Oh, uh, we just, uh, happen to wear the same shade. 350 00:23:13,350 --> 00:23:16,477 No, um, David and I did used to go out. 351 00:23:16,770 --> 00:23:21,774 But years ago. And he lives in Minsk. He's only in town for a couple days. 352 00:23:22,484 --> 00:23:24,151 - Did you, uh...? - No. No. 353 00:23:24,319 --> 00:23:25,986 - Kiss him? - Oh, well, yeah. 354 00:23:27,614 --> 00:23:30,741 Yes, but you should know, she really likes you. 355 00:23:30,909 --> 00:23:34,370 In fact, I don't think you realize just how lucky you are, fella. 356 00:23:34,579 --> 00:23:36,914 - Don't point your finger at me. - Why? 357 00:23:37,082 --> 00:23:38,666 What are you gonna do about it? 358 00:23:38,917 --> 00:23:41,752 Well, I'll show you what I'm gonna do about it. 359 00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:45,464 - Oh, really? Really? - You want some of that? Huh? Huh? 360 00:23:48,301 --> 00:23:51,429 Stop it. Stop it. Before someone gets really hurt. 361 00:23:54,141 --> 00:23:56,600 Here, David, you should just go. 362 00:23:56,768 --> 00:23:58,060 All right. 363 00:23:59,312 --> 00:24:04,024 But if I ever do come back from Minsk, well, you just better watch out. 364 00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:07,445 - If I go to Minsk, you better watch out. - Oh, you're going to Minsk? 365 00:24:07,654 --> 00:24:10,489 - Well, I might. - Really? 366 00:24:10,657 --> 00:24:13,993 Well, if you do, come in the spring. It's just lovely there. 367 00:24:14,369 --> 00:24:17,663 - Okay, well, guys? - Well... 368 00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:19,748 - Goodbye, Phoebe. - Bye. 369 00:24:19,958 --> 00:24:23,502 - Hey, what, are you kidding me? - Right-o. Right-o. 370 00:24:27,215 --> 00:24:29,133 Take good care of her. 371 00:24:31,970 --> 00:24:34,138 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 372 00:24:34,306 --> 00:24:37,641 If you want your key back, I totally understand. 373 00:24:39,352 --> 00:24:42,313 - It's never gonna happen again, right? - Right. Never. I swear. 374 00:24:44,191 --> 00:24:50,196 I... Oh, I just want to say, if you do ever come to Minsk, that's my number. 375 00:24:50,363 --> 00:24:53,824 We'll, uh, party up Vladnik-style. 376 00:25:00,665 --> 00:25:03,375 [RECORDERS PLAYING] 377 00:25:09,758 --> 00:25:11,342 JOEY: Yeah. All right. 378 00:25:11,635 --> 00:25:15,930 Hey, Ross. Check it out. Sandy taught me "Hot Cross Buns." 379 00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:19,058 Really? Sounded like "Three Blind Mice." 380 00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:22,186 - No, "Three Blind Mice" goes like this. - I swear to God. 381 00:25:25,941 --> 00:25:29,318 - Who's up for puppets? - Me. I'm up for puppets. 382 00:25:29,486 --> 00:25:32,613 Well, please welcome: 383 00:25:32,781 --> 00:25:34,740 The Snufflebumps. 384 00:25:34,908 --> 00:25:38,577 Who wants to be Mr. Wigglemunch and who's gonna be the Grumpus? 385 00:25:38,745 --> 00:25:43,958 Okay, okay, how exactly is a 2-month-old supposed to appreciate puppets? 386 00:25:44,209 --> 00:25:48,462 Studies show that the movement and colors help their cerebral development. 387 00:25:48,630 --> 00:25:52,174 The whimsical characters are just for us. 388 00:25:56,263 --> 00:25:59,139 I want to be Mr. Wigglemunch. 389 00:26:00,308 --> 00:26:01,559 Oh, my God. 390 00:26:01,726 --> 00:26:04,520 Well, I guess we know who's gonna be the Grumpus. 391 00:26:04,688 --> 00:26:06,647 [RACHEL & JOEY LAUGH] 392 00:26:10,068 --> 00:26:12,653 - That was kind of rude. - Oh, I'm sorry. 393 00:26:12,821 --> 00:26:16,865 Please apologize to Sandy and the Snufflebumps for me. 394 00:26:17,158 --> 00:26:20,369 - You know, he was just doing his job. - You know what? 395 00:26:20,537 --> 00:26:26,750 I'm sorry I'm the only one who isn't in love with Gary Poppins out there. 396 00:26:29,212 --> 00:26:31,797 But I just... I can't go through with this. 397 00:26:32,090 --> 00:26:33,632 - Come on. - No. You know what? 398 00:26:33,883 --> 00:26:38,846 I would never force you to hire someone you were this uncomfortable with. 399 00:26:41,558 --> 00:26:44,393 Ugh, that's true. 400 00:26:44,561 --> 00:26:45,728 Thank you. 401 00:26:45,979 --> 00:26:48,314 You want to fire him, so you're gonna have to go do it. 402 00:26:48,815 --> 00:26:50,316 [CHUCKLES] 403 00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:57,573 So you see, Wigglemunch, that's why it's important to share. 404 00:26:59,326 --> 00:27:02,620 I am learning so much from you. 405 00:27:07,542 --> 00:27:08,792 Well, I'm off to Tulsa. 406 00:27:09,085 --> 00:27:12,421 So if your maître d' friend has any funny Oklahoma jokes... 407 00:27:12,589 --> 00:27:17,343 ...tell him to e-mail me at www-dot-ha-ha-not-so-much-dot-com. 408 00:27:19,554 --> 00:27:21,138 Honey, you can relax. 409 00:27:21,348 --> 00:27:24,725 Last night at work Jeffrey told this really sexist joke. 410 00:27:24,893 --> 00:27:27,811 - After that, not so funny anymore. - Really? 411 00:27:28,063 --> 00:27:31,815 See, that's the thing. You gotta keep it smart, people. 412 00:27:31,983 --> 00:27:35,319 Okay. Don't miss that flight. You know I love you. 413 00:27:35,570 --> 00:27:37,321 I love you too. 414 00:27:38,073 --> 00:27:41,825 - And I like you as a friend. JOEY: Right. 415 00:27:41,993 --> 00:27:44,536 - See you later. CHANDLER: See you. 416 00:27:46,039 --> 00:27:49,625 - Did the guy really make that joke? - No, he still kills me. 417 00:27:49,793 --> 00:27:54,088 Last night he had me laughing so hard, I swear, a little pee came out. 418 00:28:02,430 --> 00:28:03,597 Here goes. 419 00:28:03,807 --> 00:28:07,101 I can't watch. It's like firing Elmo. 420 00:28:11,731 --> 00:28:13,148 Sandy? Hi. 421 00:28:13,316 --> 00:28:15,067 - Hi. - We, uh... 422 00:28:15,235 --> 00:28:17,277 We kind of need to talk. 423 00:28:21,282 --> 00:28:23,575 I'm afraid it's not working out. 424 00:28:26,496 --> 00:28:28,247 - Oh. - Yeah, um... 425 00:28:28,456 --> 00:28:33,752 I mean, Rachel and I think you are great with Emma. Um... 426 00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:37,172 - We just feel... RACHEL: You. You feel. 427 00:28:38,049 --> 00:28:40,718 I just feel... 428 00:28:42,721 --> 00:28:46,098 ...that the chemistry isn't right. I'm sorry. 429 00:28:46,266 --> 00:28:48,934 We're more than happy to give you a good recommendation. 430 00:28:49,185 --> 00:28:53,522 No, that's okay. I had a lot of offers from other families. 431 00:28:53,690 --> 00:28:55,983 I just picked you guys because... 432 00:28:56,151 --> 00:29:00,237 ...I liked you the best. RACHEL: Oh, damn you, Geller. 433 00:29:03,491 --> 00:29:06,493 Anyway, uh, well, I'm glad there's no hard feelings. 434 00:29:06,745 --> 00:29:11,540 No, none at all. You need to be happy with whoever is in your home. 435 00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:15,294 Although, if you don't mind telling me... 436 00:29:15,462 --> 00:29:18,922 ...what was the problem? Maybe it's something I can work on in the future. 437 00:29:19,132 --> 00:29:25,262 No, you know, it's, uh, nothing you did. It's... It's, uh, my issue. 438 00:29:26,389 --> 00:29:27,973 What is it? 439 00:29:28,767 --> 00:29:30,267 Uh, heh... 440 00:29:30,435 --> 00:29:32,060 Please? 441 00:29:35,648 --> 00:29:38,358 You know, I'm just not, um, that comfortable... 442 00:29:38,526 --> 00:29:42,112 ...with a guy who's as sensitive as you. 443 00:29:43,156 --> 00:29:44,198 That's fair. 444 00:29:45,241 --> 00:29:48,869 Although, can I ask, why do you think that is? 445 00:29:49,496 --> 00:29:51,330 Why? I don't know. 446 00:29:56,169 --> 00:29:58,587 Um... Uh... 447 00:29:59,047 --> 00:30:01,590 Maybe because of my father? 448 00:30:01,758 --> 00:30:03,217 Mm. 449 00:30:04,511 --> 00:30:08,430 I mean, uh, you know, when I was growing up, he was a tough guy. 450 00:30:09,891 --> 00:30:13,477 You know, and as a kid, I wasn't the athlete I am now. 451 00:30:13,645 --> 00:30:15,354 [RACHEL LAUGHS] 452 00:30:15,855 --> 00:30:18,649 I play squash. 453 00:30:22,237 --> 00:30:27,825 Anyway, I, uh... I always got the feeling he thought I was too sensitive. 454 00:30:28,326 --> 00:30:29,660 That must have been hard. 455 00:30:31,204 --> 00:30:33,247 It was hard. 456 00:30:34,499 --> 00:30:39,711 I remember I was in my bedroom, playing with my dinosaurs... 457 00:30:40,797 --> 00:30:42,130 Playing and learning. 458 00:30:44,801 --> 00:30:50,639 And my father walks in and says, "What are you doing with those things? 459 00:30:50,849 --> 00:30:56,770 What's wrong with you? Why aren't you outside playing like a real boy?" 460 00:30:57,063 --> 00:31:00,357 - But you are a real boy. - I know I am. 461 00:31:02,652 --> 00:31:07,781 And when it's summer and it's hot, why can't you wear a tank top? 462 00:31:09,158 --> 00:31:15,372 It's all right. Crying is good. It lets the boo-hoos out. 463 00:31:16,708 --> 00:31:18,876 Here comes some more. 464 00:31:27,427 --> 00:31:30,679 And what's the one kind of boat that can never ever sink? 465 00:31:30,972 --> 00:31:35,851 - What kind? - A friend ship. 466 00:31:37,729 --> 00:31:41,064 Wow. You blow my mind. 467 00:31:43,026 --> 00:31:45,068 - Oh, I gotta go. - Aw. 468 00:31:45,236 --> 00:31:47,029 - How much do I owe you? - Twenty bucks. 469 00:31:47,655 --> 00:31:50,699 It's like the cheapest college ever. 470 00:31:53,661 --> 00:31:55,662 [English - US - SDH] 37163

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