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Lovely morning song of Paris.

You are much too loud for me.

It's not a sonata by Mozart.

The song of Paris has its faults.

It has less than would pull any gold star.

But at least it's not Viennese waltz.

Seville has its fandango, Chicago has its trot.

Buenos, there is tango, Dresden, its gavotte.

No matter if they're ready, cold, or wet, or dry.

Each morning, like a baby.

Paris starts to cry.

It has taxi horns and claxons to scare the Anglo-Saxons.

That's the song of Paris.

It has men that send you postcards much naughtier than most cards.

That's the song of Paris.

The noise is not delicious.

But it makes you so ambitious.

You would sell your wife and daughter for just one Latin quarter.

That's the song of Paris.

Bonjour, Dubal, how's my old pal?

Bonjour, Maurice, how are you?

How about Friday?

Friday is my day.

- Oh, what a man. - How are you?

How's your bakery?

I need a beau.

- Where's your husband? - He needs the dough.

Hello, Mrs. Bendix, how's your appendix?

And what is more, how are you?

Bonjour, hello, sir, how is the grocer?

You owe ten francs, how are you?

Ah, how's my coy friend? Some other boyfriend?

- This is my wife! - How are you?

How's your grandpa?

He's back in jail.

How's your business?

How can it fail?

Bonjour, Mr. Cohen, how are things going?

- Comment ca va. - How are you?

How are you?

How are you?

- Emile! - Morning, Maurice, nice day for your wedding!

- Yes... is my suit ready? - Certainly.

- Well, I want to pay you today, Maurice. - No hurry!

No, no, no... you're just getting started, and business is bad.

- But, look at these! - All sold?

One is yours, and the rest

are for the Vicomte DeVarez.

Vicomte DeVarez? The best dressed man in France?

Mhm, I'm making all his clothes now, and he'll make my reputation.

He owes me 40,000 francs. Hey, that's what I call success!

- Yeah, that's fine... 2,000 francs, right? - Right.

Oh, it's the Across Paris Run.

- Monsieur Vicomte! - Maurice.

- Monsieur Vicomte was in the race? - No, no, just temporarily.

Maurice, have you some of my clothes ready?

- Are fifteen suits enough? - Yeah... oh, well lock the door

and give me a suit quickly.

- He may come along any minute. - Who?

The girl's husband. He came home unexpectedly.

- What girl? - Well, she's about...

Well, I don't remember. The husband started running after me,

and I ran, and I found myself in the race.

I presume Monsieur Vicomte has no more need of this.

No no, I got that off a fruit stand.

Emile... Emile, would you mind giving the room to Monsieur Vicomte, please?

Oh, yes, yes, with pleasure.

Oh, thank you, thank you, Maurice. Thank you.

Hey, hey. Huh?

Go right in there.

Monsieur... Monsieur Vicomte.

About the bill...

About the bill, Monsieur Vicomte.

Yeah, the pants are a very good fit, Maurice.

Thank you... Monsieur Vicomte, about the bill...

Oh, well, tonight, Maurice, I will go down to my family Chateau

and get my uncle the Duke to hand over my next allowance.

Oh, thank you, Monsieur Vicomte.

What about my friend, the shirt maker, who's making the new shirts for you?

- Get his bill too. - Thank you, and what about my friends,

- the hatter and the bootmaker? - I'll pay them all at once.

- A clean sweep, Maurice. - Oh, thank you, Monsieur Vicomte.

Yeah, very nice, very nice.

And now, Maurice,

do you suppose you can let me have a little something?

- Money? - Yes, yes.

You see, I'm running around without my wallet. How much could you spare?

- A thousand francs? - Oh, no, no, no, no, no, that's too much.

- Now, if you said 500... - Oh, Monsieur Vicomte, take the thousand.

- No, no, no, no, no, I... no, no. - But, Monsieur Vicomte, you need it.

Well, I'll tell you, you let me have the 2,000, and we'll say no more about it.

Tomorrow, Maurice, I'll be here with bags of gold for you!

- Bags of gold! - A thousand thanks, Monsieur Vicomte.

Maurice, it's beautiful!

Just think, with a little cloth, you make a work of art.

I tailor art for your sweetheart.

Oh, it's like poetry in a book.

Oh, how beautiful I look.

The love song of the needle united with a thread.

- The romance of the scissors... - So Claire and I can wed!

Maurice!

- Oh, Emile, Emile. - Oh, you're a magician.

Isn't it romantic?

My face is glowing, I'm energetic.

The art of sewing, I find poetic.

My needle punctuates the rhythm of romance

I don't give a stitch if I don't get rich.

A costume tailor who has no custom.

Is like a sailor, no one will trust him.

But there is magic in the music of my shears, I shed no tears.

Lend me your ears.

Isn't it romantic?

Soon I will have found some girl that I adore.

Isn't it romantic?

While I sit around, my love can scrub the floor.

She'll kiss me every hour.

Or she'll get the sack.

And when I take a shower, she can scrub my back.

Isn't it romantic?

On a moonlight night, she'll cook me onion soup.

Kiddies are romantic.

And if we don't fight, we soon will have a troop.

We'll help the population.

It's a duty that we owe to France.

Isn't it romance?

Isn't it romantic? Da da da da da.

A very catchy strain.

Isn't it romantic? Da da da da da.

Oh, I forgot my cane.

Oh, thank you very much

I'd better fix your tie.

Da da da da da da da da.

- Goodbye. - Isn't it romantic?

- Da da da da da. - Taxi?

Oh no, I need some air.

Isn't it romantic?

At last I've got a fare.

Railroad station!

Not too fast, I hate to take a chance.

Isn't it romance?

Isn't it romantic

to drive around the town?

Isn't it romantic? Da da da da da

I think I'll take that down.

A B A G F E D C C A B-flat.

Isn't it romantic? Da da da da da

I'll write some words as well.

Isn't it romantic?

Sitting in the train, this song has got to sell.

Isn't it romance?

Isn't it romantic?

Music in the night, a dream that can be heard.

Isn't it romantic?

That a hero might appear and say the word.

Wrought by a secret charm.

Or by my heart's command.

My prince will ride in armor

just to kiss my hand.

Isn't it romantic?

He will hear my call and bend his royal knee.

Isn't it romantic?

He'll be strong and tall and yet a slave to me.

Sweet lover of my fancy.

We will start tonight.

With arms paired tight.

Isn't it romance?

Princess! Jeanette!

- Count, I'm going to bed. - I've just come up to join you.

- Join me? - Join you in a little chat before dinner.

Not tonight.

I've had another fainting spell and my uncle, the Duke,

thought bed was the best place for me.

I always think that, if one would do well.

- Count, why the ladder? - Oh, it's more romantic.

Oh, careful!

Oh, I've brought along my flute, hoping to entertain.

No, count.

Not tonight.

Oh, before I go, remember what I said to you down by the horse trough?

- Quite well. - What was it?

I simply wish to see if it made any impression on you, princess.

You said "I love you." Made no impression whatever.

There'd probably be no use of repeating the sentiment at this time.

None at all.

Oh, Princess, I trust you do not find my wooing too ardent.

I was just admiring your restraint. Good night, Count.

On with the dreams, Princess.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh, I'll never be able to use it again!

- Oh, Count, did you break your leg? - No, I fell flat on my flute!

Hair flowing and gold.

- But not too long. - Oh, may it help our niece grow strong.

Plants from the woods and birds from the dales

are certain cures for fainting spells.

Please, heaven, we don't stir in vain.

May morning bring her health again.

- Oh! - My dear Duke, you can get rid of me

- for 20,000 francs. - My dear Countess, I...

Oh, Uncle, don't be so pompous.

I'm only asking for the money you're holding in trust for me.

If I gave you any, you'd go straight back to Paris.

You're staying here, Valentine.

What you need is more of the simple life, young woman.

- Oh, Uncle... - I say...!

- Come in! - The new footmen, Your Grace.

Oh.

- Uncle... - No!

Can't we ever get a footman under forty in this place?

Valentine! May you two clammer!

About the schedule for tomorrow, Your Grace.

Oh, tomorrow?

Bridge, at three.

And dinner, at eight.

And after dinner, bridge!

- Rather an amusing day, Flammand, eh? - Quite exciting, Your Grace.

And what are the guests doing now, Flammand?

- Playing bridge, Your Grace. - Ah.

You wait... I'm going right back to Paris.

Hey there.

A man!

Oh, no, just cousin Gilbert.

- What are you doing? - Trying to get up enough energy to go to bed.

- Oh. - What are you doing in this dull hole?

Oh, I'm just passing through. I've got a taxi to take me back to Paris.

- Take me with you! - That's not a bad idea.

It might save me from having to see Uncle. How much money can you loan me?

I'm over my allowance and Uncle won't let me have any money.

Oh, well, you don't know how to handle the old skyhawk.

I'll tell him I need the money for charity to provide good homes for bad stenographers.

- Flammand! Send that taxi away! - Uh-oh.

Uncle, now look, I've got to go back to Paris.

You can't. You're staying here permanently.

And if I hear any more of your debts, any more bills,

- I'll cut you off without a sou! - Oh, now...

Do you understand? You imp... imp...

- What's the word? - Impecunious?

- Impudent? - No, no!

- Impostor! - No!

- Impertinent! - Ah, that's it!

You impertinent jack... jack...

- Jackal? - No, no, no.

- Well, I'm sorry. - Jackass?

- I wish you'd go to bed. - Jackanapes!

- Ah! - You impertinent jackanapes!

- Liar! Cheat! - You'll be insulting me in a minute.

Nitwit! Numbskull! Nincompoop!

Lord, grant her rest be sweet and deep.

And knights go riding through her sleep.

Her own Prince Charming, young and bold.

Who came to Princesses of old.

- Never to us. - Never to us.

Never to us.

- Stir slowly. - Slowly.

- And may it heal her. - And may it heal her.

- Holy, holy. - Holy, holy.

- I want the money for my shirts! - And my shoes!

- And my hats! - You introduced this cur to us.

You said that his trade would bring other business.

It will! We must be careful not to insult the Vicomte DeVarez.

He comes from the old nobility... Quick to take offense.

And slow to pay!

- Maurice Courtelain? - Yes.

I understand you made a lot of clothes for the Vicomte DeVarez.

Ah, you see... you see, Monsieur, I said that I made clothes for the Vicomte.

If Monsieur will take a chair, I'll show him samples.

- Monsieur is a friend of the Vicomte? - Not at all.

Do you know who I am?

Oh... oh, now... now, I understand.

Oh, Monsieur... Monsieur, why don't you try to forgive and forget?

This is Paris, city of romance, love.

Oh, please, please, forgive the Vicomte and for you and for your wife.

I have no wife! What is all this?

You are not the man who chased the Vicomte in his BVDs?

Certainly not! I am the credit manager of the Association of Retail Merchants.

I came here to tell you, that not a tailor in Paris will make that fellow a suit without full payment.

- In advance! - You... you... you mean, he...

I mean, the Vicomte DeVarez never pays.

The Vicomte... never pays...

- My shirts! - My hats!

- My boots! - My suits!

Gentlemen, you have my profound sympathy.

The old nobility, eh?

Do you know what I'd like to do? I'd like to get a crowd,

march down there, and attack that chateau!

- That a talk! - Wait! That's an idea.

You think we could? Just like in the old days?

- What about the police? - I don't mean attack it in a crowd.

Let me attack it alone! I'll be a one-man French Revolution.

Let me have all the goods the Vicomte ordered.

I'll deliver them to the chateau, and I'll make him pay!

I'll make him pay! You can depend on me!

Maurice!

Maurice! I just heard you were going.

Let me husband drive you. He has to go to the area, pick up his employers,

and he'd love to drop you. Pierre, tell Maurice you'd love to drop him.

I'd love to drop you. Get in!

Oh, that's fine. Over here!

- Thank you! - I hope you have a grand time, Maurice!

Just like a millionaire, eh? A millionaire.

- Be very careful. - Oh, no, look at that.

I'm not going to drink that.

- Come on with the bags! - Hey!

- My bags! - My hat!

- My hat! - Yeah, be careful with... not too fast.

Good luck! Good luck!

Lover, when you find me.

Will you blind me with your love?

Maybe pass behind me on my... whoa!

Kiss me, he'll be sighing.

Gently praying, I'll obey.

Like two children playing in the... hey!

He'll be my lord and my master

I'll be a slave to the lust.

He'll make my heart beat go faster... Not too fast!

Lover, when you take me

and awake me, I will know.

Lover, you can make me love you so.

Look out, Mademoiselle! Look out!

What are you doing?

Pierre... Pierre! You... you take the horse, I'll take the lady.

- Mademoiselle, are you hurt? - Oh, no.

- Mademoiselle, put your arms around me. - Oh, no, thank you, I can manage alone.

- No, no... - Oh! My ankle!

- I suggest that you put your arms around. - Do you think I put my arms around people

- I don't know? - My name is Maurice.

- Oh! - Now...

Oh, that's nothing.

- Stretch out the ankle. - Oh, no, no, it's quite unnecessary.

- Don't stand on it yet. - But, I'm sure it's better.

No, no, no, no.

- Tell me, do you live down here? - I often wonder.

No, I said, do you live down here?

I heard you. I wonder if you can call it living.

Seems so dead... I must go.

Oh no, not right away. See?

One foot wants to go, the other wants to stay.

They both want to go. My family is waiting for me.

- But what about me? - What do you mean, what about you?

Well, I mean... I mean, I'm stuck here, I can't go.

My carriage in disrepair and I'm lonely.

- You can't leave me. - Aren't you a little insane?

Yes! Let me sing for you!

- You are insane. - But, you sang for me.

- I didn't even know you existed. - You don't exist either.

You're a dream. Oh, give me just a moment.

Just to sing for you, Mimi.

You're mad! And my name's not Mimi.

Yes! I am mad!

My left shoe's on my right foot, my right shoe's on my left.

Oh listen to me, Mimi, of reason I'm bereft.

The buttons of my trousers are buttoned to my vest.

Oh, listen to me, Mimi, there's passion in my breast.

Mimi, you funny little good for nothing, Mimi.

Am I the guy?

Mimi, you sunny little honey of a Mimi

I'm aiming high.

Mimi, you got me sad and dreamy.

You could free me if you'd see me, Mimi.

You know I'd like to have a little sun, oh, with Mimi, by and by.

Mimi, you funny little good for nothing, Mimi.

Am I the guy?

Mimi, you sunny little honey of a Mimi

I may be high.

Mimi, you got me sad and dreamy.

You could free me if you'd see me, Mimi.

You know I'd like to have a little sun, oh, with you, by and by.

- Thank you. - Do you think I'm rude? Vulgar?

You know, since you came into my life, I'm not myself... perhaps I'm in love with you!

- Oh really now! - Afraid?

- Of what? - Of me.

- What conceit. - Afraid of yourself?

- What insolence. - You think it takes years to fall in love?

You're right! I've known you a hundred years! A thousand years!

- You're impossible. - I hope to see you again somewhere soon.

Perhaps in another thousand years!

I dream of you every day! Every night!

Everywhere! I love you! I love you!

I love you! I love you!

Your hat!

Look at it! What will you do without your straw hat, Maurice?

And where's that smile of yours? No straw hat? No smile?

It's all over, Maurice! You can't go on!

Now we can go on, Pierre. Good old Pierre.

We can go on if I ever fix this car.

Princess! Help! Help!

- Help! Help! - Ohh!

Help! Help!

Oh dear. She's fainted again.

You know, I had an elder brother who used to faint quite often.

- He was a nip-omaniac. - A what?

A nip-omaniac. He used to go around pinching things.

Oh, I had a friend like that. He used to pinch business girls in elevators.

- They had to send him to a cooler climate. - No.

- I knew a girl... - This is no time for reminiscences.

Go and get a couple of footmen to carry her upstairs.

But, you gave the servants the afternoon off. Our footmen are playing football

- against the Old Soldiers Home. - Well, you two carry her upstairs!

- Someone fetch a doctor! - Yeah, you carry her, I'll get the doctor.

- Valentine, can you go for a doctor? - Certainly. Bring him right in.

No, no, it's for Jeanette. She's fainted again.

Princess, permit me to introduce Doctor Armand de Pertignac.

- Your Highness. - Doc.

- And now my dear, remove your dress. - My what?

Your dress... there's no occasion for distress.

- Is that necessary? - Very, yes.

As long as professional ethics apply, I'll see you with only a doctor's eye.

Oh, dear.

The doctor's eye is satisfied.

Now, I'll hear your heart.

Don't sigh.

Very good, nothing wrong here.

Now I'll take your pulse, dear.

Perfectly regular, right on the tick.

Madam, oh Madam, you cannot be sick.

Then why do I lie awake in bed? And why does blood rush to my head?

- At night? - Quite right, at night.

And why does music make me sad? And why do love songs drive me mad?

- At night? - Quite right, at night.

- And frequently I faint. - That's quaint

I feel depressed when I'm alone in bed at night.

- How old are you? - I'm twenty-two.

While other people dance, I feel so dead at night.

At twenty-two?

Well this won't do.

- Are you married? - My husband died 3 years ago.

- At 16 I was wed. - You've been a widow for three years?

- Three years the Prince is dead. - Were you very happy with your spouse?

He was a son of noble house.

It was a happiness of great peace.

A roshambo.

My better half, and here you have his photograph.

How old was your bridge-groom, dear?

- Seventy-two. - Seventy-two?

- Seventy-two. - Well, this won't do.

Sweet music makes me cry and pout.

Perhaps I'd better journey south.

Perhaps my tonsils should come out.

Well it's a very pretty mouth

I'm wasting away, for three years I've starved.

Alone, no joy I've tasted.

With eyes, and red lips, and a figure like that.

You're not wasted away, you're just wasted.

Well doctor, we had planned an outing in the forest for this afternoon,

but I suppose we'd better call it off.

- No, no, go right ahead. - Oh! Then Jeanette is not in any danger?

Well, nothing immediate. But!

The Princess ought to be married.

- Married? - Married?

- To a man of her own age. - Ah, but the only two eligible men in France,

the only two of rank equal to Her Highness,

are, well, not exactly of my niece's age.

- How old are they? - One is 85,

and the other will be 12 on his next birthday.

- Yeah, well, this is a problem. - What do you recommend?

Exercise!

Exercise, and exercise!

Exercise?

- This gives me new hope. - Eh?

About my chances of marrying Jeanette.

I'll ask her to consider me as a prescription.

My dear Count de Savignac, the only obstacle lies

in the delicate matter of rank.

Jeanette demands a prince at least, and you are not a prince.

Well, I would've been if our family hadn't been badly gypped during the crusades.

Anyway, Your Grace mustn't forget the tenth Count de Savignac.

What about him?

- Marie Antoinette? - Positively.

- Now may I ask Jeanette? - Yes, but not this afternoon.

Quite right. Of course, that's me, you know, always impetuous.

- Monsieur. - Mademoiselle.

I'm looking for the Vicomte DeVarez.

I didn't know he was expecting a friend.

- Are you alone? - Alone?

- I mean, in life... you're not married? - Ah, no!

I'll be right down!

Monsieur.

- Who made that for you? - McClintock and Armstrong, Monsieur.

Of London. Might I recommend them for your own service?

Oh no, no, thank you. I'm looking for the Vicomte DeVarez.

- Possibly in the drawing room, Monsieur. - Thank you.

- Mesdames. - Monsieur.

- His smile is so disarming! - So grand!

- So gay! - So charming!

- Mesdames. - Oh, we bore you with our sewing?

- Sewing? - Quite so.

Oh no! A needle is magnetic.

- How true. - And how poetic.

- Mesdames. - Monsieur.

- Oh. - Aw.

- Hey. - Hm?

Oh no, no. Never use silk on armor.

- Flannel is the thing. - Oh, are you interested in armor?

Any kind of wearing apparel. Is this your only job?

- Oh no, I putter around. - Tell me, where can I find the Vicomte DeVarez?

Oh, he's somewhere about... I hate him!

Imagine, he would like to tear down this beautiful chateau!

- No! It would be better to tear down the Vicomte. - Ah!

You're a man after my own heart.

- You have a soul. - Someone looking for me?

- Ah, Monsieur Vicomte. - Maurice.

- I came down about those... - Uh...

My, my, how well you're looking!

You... you've met my uncle?

- Uncle? - The... the... the Duke.

Oh yes, we had a little chat. He's the first of your friends

- that I haven't wanted to hit with a battle axe. - Oh.

- He recommended flannel. - Flannel?

Would you pardon us a moment, Uncle? Maurice, may I have a word with you?

- Maurice, did you tell Uncle about those bills? - But, I didn't get a chance.

- And I didn't know he was your uncle. - Oh, well, that's...

Now, Vicomte, I brought all your clothes, and I want the money.

- See, it's 63,000 francs. - Oh.

And I'm here also on behalf of my fellow creditors.

- Put yourself in their place. - I'd like to.

It isn't everyone who can be a creditor nowadays.

Now, Maurice, I'm going to be frank with you.

Right now I can't pay you.

Ah, then I'll have to see the Duke.

He'll throw you out, he hates tradesmen.

He'll throw me out too, so what's the use?

I won't leave the chateau without my money.

Oh, why do you say...

Well, I've... I've got it!

Then stay here.

I'll have the money in a few days, I'll borrow it.

No, no, no, this is no place for me.

- A tailor in a chateau. - Well, why not?

- No, no, I'm going to see the Duke. - Oh, Maurice, please.

Oh, oh, the charming young man!

I'm trying to persuade him to stay.

I'm sorry, I can't.

- Oh, there you are. - Yes.

Yes, we've been trying to persuade him to stay.

Of course, you're staying!

Jeanette!

Countess Valentine, let me present...

Gilbert, present your friend.

Yes, yes, of course.

This is my good friend.

Maur... Baron Courtelain.

Yes, I've met the Baron.

- We're trying to persuade him to stay. - Are we?

The Baron must've changed.

He used to make very sudden decisions.

- I'll stay! - Ah!

Ah, ugh.

That Baron, ey?

How did it go?

Mimi, you funny little good for nothing, Mimi.

Am I the guy, Mimi.

You sunny little honey of a Mimi.

I'm aiming high.

Mimi, you got me sad and dreamy.

You could free me if you see me.

Mimi, you know I'd like to have a little sun.

Mimi, bye and bye.

That Baron, eh?

I'm in the wrong sleeve.

Mimi, you funny little good for nothing, Mimi.

Am I the guy?

Mimi, you sunny little honey of a Mimi.

I'm aiming high.

Mimi, you got me sad and dreamy,

you could free me if you see me.

Mimi, you know I'd like to have a little sun.

Oh Mimi, by and by.

Mimi, you funny little good for nothing, Mimi.

Am I the guy?

Mimi, you sunny little honey of a Mimi.

I'm aiming high.

Mimi, you got me sad and dreamy

you could free me if you see me.

Mimi, you knew I'd love to have a little sun.

Oh Mimi, by and by.

Mimi, you funny little good for nothing, Mimi.

Am I the guy?

Mimi,

You sunny little honey of a Mimi.

I'm aiming high.

Blah!

Hi, Count!

Your Grace, with your permission,

I'd like to do my hunting indoors today.

Indoors?

In your library.

What the deuce?

As much as I love a good gallop, I'm giving it up in your interest.

Yes, but why all this mystery?

Concerns the Baron.

I've never heard of the Courtelains in all my historical research.

- Have you? - No, but I'm not as familiar as I might be

with the nobility of the South.

I ran through eight or ten volumes before breakfast and found not a Courtelain.

- Bless my soul. - Mind you, I still have 36 more volumes

to look through before I'm sure.

Yes, but this fellow is a friend of Gilbert's.

Gilbert I need only remind you, is none too choosy.

Well, you go right ahead, my boy.

Oh, well, Maurice, you look great!

Is that my new riding habit?

No, no, not until you've paid for it, Monsieur Viscount.

I've been up since daybreak altering it to fit me.

Oh, I see, have you picked out something good to ride on?

- The best I could get. - Is it the big gray one?

No, small, orange, with black stripes.

Orange with black... What is it, a zebra?

No, a bicycle.

You can't use a bicycle in a hunt, you've got to ride a horse.

No, but I've never been on a horse in my life.

Baron, Baron, I want to loan you a horse.

Worthy of a Courtelain, Thunderbolt.

- Thunderbolt? - He's fast, but furious.

Thank you, but I think I'd better not.

You see, the harder the horse, the harder I get.

I might hurt Thunderbolt.

Oh, he can take it.

Oh, Baron, I took the liberty of choosing a horse for you.

Oh, that's so, so kind of you.

I won't need your Thunderbolt.

- What's my horse's name? - Solitude.

Oh, Solitude.

Well, good hunting.

Well, I'm set, Solitude sounds just my type.

Do you know why they call him Solitude?

- Why? - Because he always come home alone.

Solitude for Baron Courtelain!

Three cheers for Baron Courtelain!

Solitude for Baron Courtelain!

What's the point in giving the Baron a horse like that?

I want to test the Baron.

I can think of several better ways to do that.

- Let me try. - Don't bother.

Tell me, do you ever think of anything but men, dear?

- Oh, yes. - Like what?

- Schoolboys. - Oh.

Look out, look out!

I know that's Solitude.

No, that's only Thunderbolt.

There's Solitude.

Hey, hey, will yah!

All right, boys!

Hold it!

Oh, Gilbert, he's not going to- Oh, Gilbert, don't let him!

Oh, Gilbert!

Stand back, stand back!

- What is this? - This?

This is oats, Madame.

Very wild.

And this is the stag.

Very tired.

And where's Solitude?

We... We agreed to separate.

He went home, alone.

And what are your plans?

Oh, very simple, Madame.

After supper, the stag will go right to bed.

He's had a hard day.

And the hunt just stops, I suppose?

A very happy ending, Madame.

- Which we both approve. - I do not approve.

No, I mean, the stag and myself.

No true nobleman would mock the tradition of the hunt like this.

There are things too fine, too sacred, to be made ridiculous.

Oh, Your Highness is losing your temper.

No, I'm not losing my temper, you let that stag go!

No, no, he'd be caught and killed.

You wouldn't want that, Madame.

Look, look at those eyes.

Oh, oh, you are not a gentleman.

You need some lessons.

- And you, Your Highness, are not a woman. - What?

You need some lessons too.

You know too much about hunting, etiquette, tradition.

You know nothing about style, charm, love.

- Oh. - Your riding habit.

Look, your riding habit, it's not graceful, it's not in the mode.

And your hair, it's too prim, Madame.

It's to severe, please let me fix that, that's it.

But your riding habit?

Oh, it's discouraging.

What are you doing now?

I'm thinking.

I'm thinking about you without these clothes.

- Open your eyes, at once! - Oh, no, pardon, Madame.

I mean, with different clothes.

Smart clothes.

Here they are.

The clothes?

The hunt.

What's the meaning of this?

The stag... the stag, he's asleep.

- What? - Sh!

We must go back, he's very tired.

Sh, sh.

Go back, go back, quickly and quietly.

Go back!

Quickly and quietly!

- On tiptoe. - On tiptoe!

- Oh! - Shh!

Good hunting?

No luck, the Baron and the deer made friends and called the whole thing off.

Well, I've had good hunting.

There's no such title as Baron de Courtelain.

- What? - Gilbert, did you hear that?

- Are you sure? - I've even been through

- the better class illegitimates. - And still no Courtelain?

Not a Courtelain.

Oh, Gilbert, who the deuce is your friend?

Well, uncle, I don't think I'd better tell you.

It wouldn't be safe.

Wouldn't be safe?

You see, I owe Maurice something.

You owe him something?

Uncle, you shouldn't keep repeating everything I say.

You're living the life of an echo.

Will you kindly come to the point.

Uncle, we live in an age of toppling thrones,

of uneasy crowns, of persecuted royalty

compelled at times to travel under strange names.

Right?

Are you trying to hint that your friend is royalty?

Well, I...

He has the Hapsburg lip.

And the name Baron Courtelain is?

A mere nom de Pullman.

Well, we're all here except the Baron.

Good, then we're all here.

Count, could you do something to entertain?

No, I'm helpless since my accident.

- Accident? - I fell flat on my flute.

Oh.

Ah, Emperor.

Have you seen Valentine, uncle?

Why no, she's not here either.

The Baron and Valentine are both missing.

You know, Uncle, it's dangerous inviting guests here with a girl like that around.

- Somebody will sue us. - Ah, there you are.

The Baron will be down in a moment.

He had to send to Paris for his costume, and it was late getting here.

I've been watching him put it on.

You've been what?

It's all right, uncle, she has the room next to Maurice.

- And she's bored holes in the connecting door. - Yes.

Valentine!

Are you aware...

Are you... are you...

Now, are you aware that that door has come down to us through generations?

So have my instincts.

She had you there, unc.

Will you stop blowing that infernal bladder?

- Ah, Baron. - Thank you.

- Oh, how original. - Thank you, Madame.

- Oh, how intriguing! - Thank you, Madame.

- Oh, how charming! - Thank you.

How common.

You... you find my costume out of place, Madame?

Decidedly.

Maybe you're right.

An Apache among all these nobility.

And yet I understand an Apache wanting to come.

Where there is beauty and light.

Yes, but people should be on guard against him.

You don't like the Apache, eh?

I dislike his attitude toward women.

Oh, Madame, you do not understand the Apache.

He's not always such a bad fellow.

I'd like to tell you what he really feels.

- I'd love to know. - And I am not interested.

Are they always so brutal with girls?

- Haven't they any weak moments? - How do they live?

All right, all right, I'll tell you the story of one that I have known.

I wear a sweater, when you wear a collar and a tie.

Mhm, my not?

I'm an Apache.

The thing that makes me happy

is you make your woman cry.

Mhm, why not, I'm an Apache.

My sweetheart is a shop girl.

She's a treasure.

And so I am a gentleman of leisure.

When I grab the wrist and twist it no woman can resist it.

Mhm, why not?

I'm an Apache.

And still

I'd love to treat her pretty.

And take her round the city.

But what's a poor Apache got to do.

With one deep sigh.

I will black her eye.

I love to buy things for her and tell her I adore her.

But what's a poor Apache got to do

with one good kick

I make her pay quick.

While all the men are dancing and tenderly romancing,

I've got to throw her body around.

The spot that no one dares touch,

the spot that only chairs touch, is frequently touching the ground.

She comes and whispers sweetly, "I love you so completely."

And then I gently whisper to her,

"Nuts to you!"

That's how I say "I love you too".

Sad but true.

That's what a poor Apache must do.

I was found in a basket, in front of a church,

but my childhood was not very sainted.

I didn't know my mother,

who didn't know my father.

My parents were not well acquainted.

I soon joined my gang, who taught me their slang.

And how to pick pockets and rob girls of lockets.

I learned how to slouch, in doorways I crouch.

To master a wench, with a hammer and wrench.

It's the game, I blame.

But of course, I'm Apache.

Maybe some day

I'll be caught at some dirty work.

Maybe that day your police will lead me away.

Maybe I will be seen by Madame guillotine.

And when at last I'm led off

to have them chop my head off, I tell the executioner this,

"Nuts to you!"

And then I close my eyes of blue.

Sad but true.

That's what a poor Apache must do.

Thank you, Countess.

I brought you over here because I warned you.

Oh, Countess!

I warned you to keep as far away from me as possible.

Countess, I'll try.

Pardon me, Countess, something I must do.

Some place I must go.

Princess!

Princess, open your eyes, Princess.

Open your eyes.

No, don't open your eyes.

Sleep.

So that I can tell you how beautiful you are.

How beautiful.

And how I love you.

How dare you!

Wait.

Why did you do that?

Because I love you.

You...

you kissed me, Princess.

Why?

Because...

I love you, Maurice.

You... you love me?

Yes, oh, I fought against it.

I was afraid.

Oh, my darling.

How foolish I was.

Perhaps you were wise.

Why?

Fear is a warning, Princess.

I don't understand you, Maurice.

Let me... Let me dream this dream a little longer.

When I wake, I'll go away.

Go away?

Don't you want me, Maurice?

I want you, my Princess.

But I have wanted the moon too.

Look, my hands are empty.

Your arms need ever be empty of me, Maurice.

We have found each other in darkness

like ships that come into harbor together, at night.

When morning comes, one's there,

one sails away.

We'll sail together,

or stay together.

I love you, my beautiful Princess.

I love you.

This, I can tell you,

this is mine.

Jeanette.

Maurice.

You don't know who I am.

You're you

and I love you.

But if I...

If I were not...

what you think I am.

- If I... - Whoever you are.

Whatever you are.

Wherever you are.

I love you.

- Jeanette. - Maurice.

You know what I think?

I think I'm mad.

And that you are mad.

And that the whole world is mad.

But I'm the luckiest man of all.

And the happiest.

Listen, my beautiful Princess.

I love you.

I love you!

And whatever comes tomorrow

love me tonight.

Love me tonight.

Whoever you are, whatever you are,

wherever you are.

I love you.

Oh, my princess.

You don't know who I am.

I am... I am a tailor.

A tailor, a tailor.

Isn't it romantic!

Oh, I love you.

Your heart and my heart were made to meet.

Don't make them wait, love me tonight.

Why should our lips be afraid to meet.

Love me tonight.

Who knows what tomorrow brings

with the morning light.

Dear, I am here

with a heart that sings,

love me...

tonight.

Now, let me see.

There.

There, it's superb!

Oh, come in.

You sent for me, Princess?

Yes.

Yes?

Yes.

I'd like your advice on my new riding habit.

- Beautiful. - Oh, do you really think so?

Perfect.

How about the length?

Divine.

Come here, look at it more closely.

The closer I get, the more perfect.

Monsieur has taste.

- How about the color?

- Lucky color.

Oh, oh.

- Anything wrong? - Oh, certainly.

The collar rides up!

Oh, no, that won't do at all.

- You think so, Monsieur? - Oh, yes, Madame, yes.

And look, look here it's too tight here, Madame.

It's too tight across the chest.

And the lapels, they're too stiff.

No, no, really the whole thing lacks smartness, youth, grace.

- No, no, no. - Oh, Maurice.

Your Highness, I have never been so insulted!

With your permission, I'm going!

Madame Pituar, Madame Pituar!

Well.

Maurice, what am I going to do now?

Don't worry, Jeanette.

We'll fix it.

How?

We'll fix it!

Oh, let... No, no, now, no that's not possible, you know.

We'll make you a riding habit

that will tame Solitude!

But how?

The important thing is not to hurry.

What's the matter?

I have never been so insulted in my life!

Who insulted you?

- Madame Pituar has been insulted! - Oh, oh!

Madame Pituar has been insulted!

- Madame Pituar has been insulted! - Pituar has been insulted!

- What! - Madame Pituar has been insulted!

At her age? Remarkable!

Madame Pituar has been insulted!

Some men have no taste!

- Pituar has been insulted! - Huh, the old girl must have something.

Shh!

Let us look into this!

- What's this? - An outrage!

- A scandal! - I'll shoot him!

- Oh, let me die! - No, let me explain.

I was only fixing the Princess's riding habit.

- What? - Uncle, Uncle, that's the truth.

Preposterous!

No, I give you my word of honor.

Why, the Baron often gives people advice about their clothes.

Be quiet, what you say is insulting!

- I'll run him through for this. - You've already shot him.

- Silence! - Silence!

Silence!

I'll prove I'm telling the truth.

Give me two hours and I'll remodel this riding habit.

What?

Alright!

I'll convict you by your own falsehood!

- I'll give you two hours, sir. - Yeah, he'll do it.

- I'll bet he can't do it. - I'll bet you 10,000 francs he can.

I'll bet you 50,000 he's a liar.

- Yeah, done! - Shh!

Your Grace, time flies.

Quite right, leave them alone, everybody.

I'll give you two hours, sir!

50,000 francs, now, eh?

Maurice, what will you do now?

You'll see.

Two hours to go.

Wait a minute.

Now and this.

Now I start.

Five.

No, twelve.

Twenty-two.

Twenty-eight.

And thirteen.

And forty-two, excuse me.

Thirty-four.

How do you like it?

Oh, it's perfect!

Of course, if I had more time.

It's too perfect.

Tell me, how did you make this habit in two hours?

How were you able to make it at all?

Because...

Because I am a tailor.

A what?

A tailor.

Oh, Maurice, you're joking.

No.

I'm not a baron.

I am a tailor.

Does that make so much difference?

A tailor.

Last night you said to me,

"Whoever you are, whatever you are,

wherever you are, I love you."

Remember?

Oh!

Why, Jeanette, what happened?

Why, Baron, what happened?

I just told her I'm not a baron.

I'm a tailor.

A tailor?

Yes, a tailor.

- Oh. - Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh, help, oh, oh, come, come!

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Help, help, the Baron!

He's not a baron!

He's a tailor!

- What? - The Baron.

- He's not a baron! - He's a tailor!

Oh!

- Ah! - Ugh!

What do you know about this?

Well, I... I... you see, I owed him some bills.

Bills!

I'll deal with you later!

But first I'll have Flammand give this tradesman his money and kick him out!

Oh!

Oh!

- A tailor! - A tailor!

A tailor, a tailor.

The bounder is a tailor.

The Princess mustn't hear of this

or the breaths of life would fail her.

I'd rather throw a bomb at her

than have her wed a commoner

and nothing could be commoner than a commoner who's a tailor.

Oh, oh!

- A tailor! - A tailor!

The bounder is a tailor!

The news would make your ancestor upon the wall grow paler.

If painted ears could hear at all

that frame would crash from off the wall.

The son of a gun is nothing but a tailor.

- Oh! - Oh!

The son of a gun is nothing but a tailor.

Come here, you geese, the great Maurice is not a knight of the golden fleece.

The son of a gun is nothing but a tailor.

My Lord, I said and hit my head and now I wish I were dead instead.

The son of a gun is nothing but a tailor.

It makes me boil with rage to think I blacked his boots.

I should have blacked his eye!

To think I pressed his coat and vest

when he's the one who can press the best.

The son of a gun is nothing but a tailor.

I made the bed where he laid his head

and now my cheeks are burning red.

The son of a gun is nothing but a tailor.

I used to flirt until it hurt while he stood there in his undershirt.

The son of a gun is nothing but a tailor.

I've given indigestion to a president.

Tolman to a duke.

Imagine cooking pheasant for a guy who's just a peasant

for the son of a gun is nothing but a tailor.

Working with a red hot iron makes a lady keep perspiring

till her strength is just about to fail her.

But it's worse to stand above a board

and scrub the britches of a son of a gun who's nothing but a tailor.

Down upon my hands and knees washing out his BVDs

this is a job that hardly pleases me.

If I had known I would've tore the buttons of his panties

for the son of a gun is nothing but a tailor.

Nothing but a tailor!

Nothing but a tailor.

The son of a gun is nothing but a tailor.

The son of a gun is nothing but a tailor!

The son of a gun is nothing but a tailor.

The son of a gun is nothing but a tailor!

The son of a gun is nothing but a tailor.

The son of a gun is nothing but a tailor!

The son of a gun is nothing but a tailor.

The son of a gun is nothing but a tailor!

- I am a tailor. - A tailor, a tailor.

Does it make so much difference?

I love you, I love you.

This, I can tell you, this is mine.

I love you, Maurice.

You don't know who I am.

Whoever you are.

Whatever you are.

Wherever you are.

I love you.

Your heart and my heart were meant to meet.

Don't make them wait, love me tonight.

Why should our lips be afraid to meet.

Love me tonight.

Who knows what tomorrow brings,

with the morning light.

Dear, I am here

with a heart that sings.

Love me tonight.

- Princess! - Princess!

- Jeanette! - Princess!

- Maurice, Maurice! - Princess!

Stop the train, I'm going with you!

Oh, no, Your Highness forgets I'm a tailor.

I love you, I can't live without you!

I love you,

but you couldn't be a tailor's wife.

I could and I will, stop the train!

No, I love you too much.

You belong in the chateau.

Goodbye.

Stop the train!

- What's the trouble? - I love him!

That's not a railroad problem!

- Stop this train! - No, no!

Jeanette, come, darling, come.

Once upon a time there was a Princess and a Prince Charming.

Who was not a prince.

But who was charming.

And they lived happily ever after.