All language subtitles for Eastbound.and.Down.S04E03.720p.BluRay.x264-DEMAND

Holy shit! I killed it in there!

You were so awesome!

Your quips were sensational, Kenny.

Yo, Tinseltown, show business better
look out 'cause I'm coming for ya.

You were so great, baby.
You had so much control.

Hey, April, did your pussy get wet in there?

I know if I had a pussy it'd be wet as shit.

I'd be like squirting...

Dude, why you talking about
my wife's private parts?

Oh, well... No, I'm sorry.
I apologize, Lady Powers.

Don't call her Lady Powers.
Just call her April, man.

Come on, don't ruin this celebratory moment

with being shameful and vulgar.

No, no. I don't mean to ruin it.
I'm just so excited.

I haven't felt this good in so long.

I just wanna... I just wanna punch something.

- Yo, what the fuck?
- Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God!
- What the fuck?

- I'm hurt, Kenny!
- Stevie, are you okay?

- I need... Help me, Kenny.
- No, no, no, no.

Gross! No, no, no.
Don't get your fucking blood on me.

Ugh!

Stevie, breathe.

- Okay, I'm gonna see you at home.
- Help me! Help me!

- Bye, baby. I love you.
- I love you.

See you later, pumpkin.

Children, raise your 5 Alives.

Because of my amazing television efforts

and my newfound relationship
with show business,

we never have to worry about money again.

Picture the future.
You're both entering high school.

While all the other dum-dums
are there selling dime bags

and trading Garbage Pail Kids cards,

you'll be polishing your Porsches.

Riding your horses,
hanging out with the preps

with sweaters loosely tied around your necks.

Let the memories of this patriarch begin now.

- To Daddy.
- To Daddy.

- To Daddy.
- And now, the giving of the gifts.

- Gifts?
- That's right.

I bought everyone a small token

to commemorate this amazing moment
for our family.

First up is Mama.

Look at that, huh?

Oh, this is nice.

That's a fair trade candle.

We now can afford to buy products
that are made the right way.

Smells so good, babe.

Next up, Shayna Bear.

Looky, looky, looky here.

Little shorty's got back.

A Louis V backpack, that is.

That's a mighty big gift for her.

Oh, yes. Several grand, in fact.

Where's my present?

He is in the garage.

Meet Dakota.

I got him from a Craigslist Indian.

Is that a real wolf?

Pure bred. That's what the red man told me.

I mean, there's no paperwork or anything
because of their goddamn oral traditions.

But, seems legit to me.

You know, I'm not so sure that this is
a good gift for a five year old.

What are you talking about, April?
This is a perfect gift for Toby.

With my new high-paying television job,

I'm not gonna be around the house
as much as I'd like to be.

So it's very important that Toby
has a strong male role model

so he doesn't turn out weird.

Dakota's gonna serve as a spirit guide.

Hey.

You watch yourself, motherfucker.

Because of this opportunity,
our family's gonna be taken care of forever.

Who knows, next stop could be space camp.

- Who wants to go to space?
- Me!

Who wants to pet this wolf?

Hey.

I'm a television star and I own you.

Whoo! God damn.
Kenny Powers, series regular on TV.

Feels like the first day
of school out here, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Everybody's inside the cafeteria
wanting to know what I'm gonna wear.

What kind of crazy shit's
gonna come out of my mouth.

They all know that I'm just
the wild card this show needs

to nab that elusive demographic.

That Hunger Games demo.

That John Carter from Mars demo.

Kenny, you skew extremely young.

Yeah, no shit.

Now where we at with them gift baskets?
We locked and loaded?

They're right here, dog. Boom.

Whoo! Looking good. Moose Munch.
Coffee macadamia toffee.

- You know what the move is.
- What's the move?

Put my motion picture personal
autobiographical screenplays

into Guy Young's gift basket.

That's how the Antwone Fisher
story was made.

Autobiographical screenplay, Kenny?

When do I get to read it?

Well, when I get the N. D. forms
filled out by my lawyer.

Until then, you ain't touching shit, dog.

A'ight. I'll back off. I'll back off.
But soon. Hopefully.

Enough of your creative sensitivities.

Let's give people some baskets.

You smell like a horse's ass.
I don't want to smell you.

It's a professional environment.

- I'll talk to her. I will.
- Please, talk to her.

A-tisket, a-tasket.
I brought you a motherfucking gift basket.

KP.

- Shit, is that for me?
- Yeah, that is for you.

Well, this is for you.

Ah, shit. Great minds think alike.
What's up, my man?

- Look at that, huh?
- All right.

Whoo!

Harry and David, a top purveyor.
I like that a lot.

God damn. Yeah, I also included

a copy of my new motion picture
screenplay I recently finished,

450 pages of box office gold.
It's my life story, dude.

Whoa. Kenny Powers is a writer too, huh?

Screenplayist.

Who's this handsome pumpkin right here?
Is this your fuck buddy?

I wish.

What the fuck is this?

That's a coupon book for activities
in and around the Charlotte area.

You're gonna like that.

Grandfather Mountain, Carowinds.
A waterpark?

My kids are gonna shit their pants
when they see this.

I'll tell you what, I'm gonna shit my pants

looking at this expensive-ass squirt bottle
of Moroccan hair oil.

That shit'll get you smelling
like an Egyptian cab driver.

- I'm sure it's very nice and thank you, Kenny.
- Hey, you're welcome.

I think this is gonna be a wonderful union.

Kenny Powers is just the thing
this show needs to get the ratings up.

Well, I wouldn't worry about that, Kenny.
The ratings are just fine.

Yeah, I know. We'll just, you know,
focus on the four quadrant,

- the target market, Nielsens.
- Kenny, the ratings are fine.

- Conrad, tell him the ratings are fine.
- They're fine.

- They're good.
- Yeah.

- They'll be better, though.
- They'll be better...

Don't worry about that. You know what
I mean? Keep your mind on the prize.

All right.
I'll leave the mathematics to you guys.

I'll focus on the "lights, camera, action."

- Show business.
- Show business, KP.

There's my smart boy.

God, look at you.

So handsome.

Get on the ground!
This is a fucking home invasion!

Jesus.

- It's me.
- Oh, my God.

Word. Wayne, you're graduating?

No. He is getting his GED actually, Kenny.

You dumb-ass.
There's a ceremony for that?

What's up, bro?

What the hell are you doing here, Kenny?

Relax, guys. I'm not here to terrorize.

Just came by for a friendly family visit.

It's no mystery that
over the years our families have drifted.

- Our families are strange.
- Estranged.

That's what I'm saying, Cassie, that we're...

- You didn't say that. You said, "strange."
- That's what I'm saying.

- No, you didn't. You said, "strange."
- Shit's not the... No, I said...

Look, you know what I'm getting at.
We're not friends.

- What do you want, Kenny?
- I wanna squish our beef.

What I've done in the past
is of no merits here.

The bottom line, I wanna buy back
your family's love

with these fucking dope passes
to Congo Canyon Resort.

- Congo Canyon?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not so fast, sticky fingers.

What do you say, Dustin?
Let's put aside our differences.

Take leaks in the lazy river.

Take our shirts off and slide down
water slides. What do you say?

Not interested.

Dustin, I think Kenny is trying to apologize...

- You stay out of this, Cassie.
- Okay.

Guys, guys, guys, guys. Don't fight, okay?

Look, I got my fame back.

And I wanna share it with my kinfolk.
I'm ready to do it right this time.

All you do when you get famous
is act like a bigger asshole.

- Okay.
- Dustin, I'm a mature man.

I have a wife and kids.
I listen to fucking Terry Gross now.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

Motherfucking This American Life.

No. You're the same as you always were.

First chance you get,
you're gonna burn all that to the ground.

You don't know what I'm trying
to burn to the ground.

You're just being nasty and being a jerk.

None of you motherfuckers are gonna
get tan and take your shirts off with me.

You're all gonna be dry.

The only people that get to get wet
are people that are nice to me.

Goodbye, you.

- Kenny, let's dance, dog.
- Yeah, dog.

Check out Yul Brynner.
I just bought his fucking ass on SkyMall.

Okay. It was a car last week
and now it's a robot.

And this weekend you're taking
everybody to the waterpark.

You know what? I think this is just getting
out of hand. I think we need to take it slow.

We took it slow for five years, April.
And it fucking sucked.

It was not that bad.

It was terrible, April.

Literally, I almost killed myself
20 different times.

I put a gun in my mouth
and almost pulled the trigger.

I ain't going back to them days.

Okay, I can't take you seriously right now
because you're dancing with a robot.

- Aw.
- Now you've insulted him. How rude.

Go about your journeys, Yul.

See ya.

All I'm saying is that
we've been given an opportunity

and I just don't want it to change us.

Man, you're spitting the same shit
Dustin was throwing at me.

Talking about burning
this whole thing to the ground.

Why the hell doesn't anybody trust me?

I just don't want us to rush into anything,
that's all.

Rush into what?
Buying our family exotic robotics?

Fucking treating our loved ones and friends
to a weekend at the waterpark?

I mean, come on. It's not that big of a deal.

I mean, unless of course you got
some sort of weird issue with slides.

I don't got nothing against slides, Kenny.

- Not even the ones with the inner tubes?
- No. I love the ones with inner tubes.

- What about the ones with the mats?
- Love the ones with mats.

Prove it.

Those big tits go in there.

Fame for me has
been a many-headed Hydra.

You cut off one head and it sprouts another.

My baseball career was beheaded
on a warm night in Texas many years ago.

So be it.

A new head is sure to grow in its place.

Perhaps the head of a movie star.

Or a race car driver.

One head might be selfish and mean.

But that doesn't mean the next head to
replace it can't still be thoughtful and nice.

The Hydra has many heads.

Look at my family, so happy and joyous.

They love me so much.

I just hope I don't let them down.

Yeah.

In Mexico, you just slide down
a fucking garbage chute, huh?

- Put the hose on it.
- Hey, Kenny. Thank you.

- Thanks, Ken.
- On behalf of all of us. Thank you.

Hey, no worries.

I can't believe your fancy TV job
gives you free passes to the waterpark.

That's so cute.

- So cute.
- Is it cute?

I wouldn't call it cute.

I mean, cute's kinda what I would use
to describe, like, a Cabbage Patch Kid.

I mean, I just figured they'd give you
season tickets to Panther games

or something a little more la-di-da.

I don't really know what the hell
you're getting at,

- but I do get those things too.
- We do.

This is just all I'm sharing with you guys.
The fucking entry-level junk.

- Okay, well, thank you.
- You're welcome.

And also, don't try to poke holes in my shit.

It's time to celebrate, don't masturbate.

Just celebrate, don't masturbate.

- Whoo!
- Shots all around. Shots all around.

- Don't use limes.
- Don't use limes.

No training wheels.

I would like to propose a toast to old friends...

- Yes.
- ...and new friends.

- Yes.
- Gene and Tel, you guys are awesome.

- Awesome.
- Thank you.

But there's someone even more awesome.

The man who made this all possible.
The most generous, selfless man.

To TV's newest star, the love of my life,
Mr. Kenny Powers.

Down the hatch.

Let's remember to pace ourselves
today, boys and girls, okay?

- Yeah, absolutely.
- No, fuck that shit.

But what about the kids? You know,
I just think I'm getting a little wasted.

That's like goddamn ankle-deep water.
Ain't nobody drowning in that shit.

If one of them kids can drown,
then they don't deserve to be alive.

This is goddamn Darwinism right here.

Waiter!
Another round for me and my friends here.

I'm waiting to see Tel dip them balls
in some whiskey.

- Motherfucker came here in a Speedo.
- Surprise!

- Hey!
- Jaws.

What the fuck, dude?

You got a big old nasty boner in your pants.

I know, why you trying to play?

Man, Kenny, I remember when I used to wait
for the goddamn days to go down.

My dick is so fucked right now.

Well, have you tried using drugs,
like Cialis or Viagra or some shit?

I've used all the pills and piss pumps.
But it doesn't do anything.

It just makes my dick bright red, man.

- You need to see a doctor, dude.
- No, there's gotta be some way, man.

Do you know any other magic spells
or dick tricks?

I mean, I guess the only advice
I could have is just

maybe you should just appreciate
what you got.

Even if what you got is a woman
that's built like mashed potatoes.

- Mashed potatoes?
- See to her needs, dog.

Tend to her. Kiss, caress, attend.

- Kiss, caress, attend.
- You see where we're going here?

I'm trying to isolate your performance anxiety
by focusing on her needs, homey.

You just gotta figure out how to
put some gravy on them taters.

- Some cum gravy.
- There you go.

All right, here's the deal. I'm not paying
for the queso or the enchiladas.

But we will pay for the guacamole.

Sweep the leg.

Sweep slumdog's leg.

Hey, hey!

This is so much fun.

Damn it, Brennan!

You're supposed to hold on.

Okay, it's been like a little while
since I've done this so you just like,

- need to be easy.
- What is she doing?

Okay, go ahead. Just be easy. A little up.

April. Honey, this is absolutely inappropriate.

- This is inappropriate.
- Dix! How you doin', Dix?

I'm not that great because our children
are right over there.

Dix, I think you need to do this with me.
I need you to grab a beer...

- No, no, thank you.
- ...and a boy and let's get hammered together.

No. You know what I'm gonna grab?
I'm gonna grab your husband.

Ah, come on! Oh, yeah!

There you go, get him. Grab his Speedo.
Rip his swim cap off.

Kenny, you better come
get your wife right now.

- Why?
- She's drunk.

Time out. Time out.

God damn. She is getting fucked up.

All right, you. Get in here.

I got a trash can down here
in case you get sick, all right?

I gotta wash my hair.

- No, no, no. No, let's...
- I gotta wash...

- You wash it in the morning, all right?
- I have puke in it.

No, no. There's no puke in it.
I think it's just suntan lotion.

Where the hell are your shoes at?
You wanna get under the covers?

I wanna get under the covers.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying, god damn it.
Get under these covers.

There you go.

Daddy, is Mom okay?

Yeah, she's cool, man.
She's just pooped from riding all those rides.

- Y'all like movies?
- Yeah!

Yeah. How about G.I. Joe: Retaliation?

I didn't really appreciate it the first time I saw
it, but upon multiple viewings it holds up.

You guys watch it two, three times?
That cool?

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Why don't you sing your mom
your good night song?

Good night, good night, good night!

Whoo!

Good night, good night, good night!

I was trying to get into my computer
the other day and I couldn't get in.

I was typing in "WakeForest",
which is my password.

"WakeForest," denied. "WakeForest," denied.

For a moment there
you were locked out of your own computer.

I didn't know, I couldn't get in my computer.

It's a really bad feeling
when you lock yourself out.

Finally, I realize, when I set up the password,
I used a dollar sign instead of the "S".

So, duh.

Jesus Christ, dude.

The women are sleeping upstairs,
Gene's putting us to sleep down here.

- My God.
- I like Gene's stories.

You like Gene's stories. Of course you do.
Because they're fucking boring, Tel.

- Just like you.
- Oh, snap.

- Come on. Sorry.
- Jesus Christ.

You're not Kenny Powers, are you?

Uh, yes, I am. Every day and night.

- Are these shots for me?
- Yeah...

- Well, I thought we could...
- Thank you very much.

...toss a few back. All right.

Boom. Gratitude. Nice to meet you.

- Take care.
- My name's Shawnsee.

This is Jessie.
Don't worry, she's just my sister.

Yeah. I saw you on TV

fighting that black dude
and it fucking cracked me up.

- It's always nice to meet a fan, of course.
- Yeah.

Shit. This is Uncle Hal.

He's fucking crazy, man. He is just like you.

I don't really see the resemblance.

My eyes aren't all fucking vacant
and hollow like his.

- Why don't you hang out with us, Kenny?
- You wanna take this party upstairs?

Actually, we were about to head out.

No, no. Ignore this Taliban cleric over here.

Let's take the party upstairs.

Hey, is there a different Wi-Fi password
on this floor of the hotel?

Put that shit away.
What's wrong with you, man?

Fuck. I just took a big old dump and
now I'm ready to party with Kenny Powers.

Cocaine.

Whoa. Jesus. No thanks.

I got a buzz from the beers.

Whoa, whoa. Hard drugs.

Hard drugs?
Your people make this shit, right?

Look at y'all, scared shitless
over a Schedule II narcotic.

I'll show you fucking drugs.

I'll show you exactly how to do
some motherfucking drugs.

Eyebrow-licking time.

Gene and Tel. The cocaine
monster is here. What are you doing?

You motherfuckers are
on the bed, huh? Come on!

- Your turns to do cocaine.
- No. I'm not doing any coke, man.

- 'Cause it's pretty late...
- Dudes, dudes. Sh-sh-sh-sh.

Just don't give me this shit right now. Listen.

We fucking are sharing some
important times in our lives.

Let's fucking add to the sensations.

- All right. Kenny, enough.
- Hey, come on.

This was supposed to be about the kids,
all right?

We're not supposed to be up here
having this party.

Gene, brother. Brother man. Come on, dude.

- I know your jokes fucking suck...
- No, man.

- ...but win my respect, motherfucker.
- That's enough, okay?

We're gonna go to bed. It's been...

- Tel, god damn it. Do cocaine.
- No.

- Okay. I'm just kidding around.
- Okay.

- But do cocaine.
- Kenny.

- Sleep well.
- Okay, Tel. I will.

The fuck?

How's it going?

- Jesus.
- Don't say a fucking word

about what you saw in there. Do you hear me?

- Of course. I'm just tired.
- Yeah, you're tired.

If you tell your fucking wives,
I swear to God I will tell them

- that you slept with those women.
- Jesus, man.

I paid for all your fucking families to be here.

You said you got those tickets from work.

How dare you?

How dare you? Tel, get him out of here.

I don't wanna see him. Get him out of here.

Go. Get!

Let's go, let's go, Gene.

How dare you, Gene?

Uh...

I got good news.

My sister wants to suck your dick.

- That's dope news.
- And also, your balls.

She told me to tell you that.

That's very flattering.
She's a pretty fucking gorgeous girl.

But I'm married, homes.
Fucking locked down.

Fucking balls don't get no attention anymore.

Yeah.

What's wrong with you?

Wanna go swimming?

Come on, come on. Keep up, keep up.

Sh-sh-sh-sh.

Okay.

Show 'em what you got.

No lines at the waterpark.

This is what I call a wet dream.

Take it off.

Don't fall. I think that my face is too...

This water's really warm.

Oh, my God, my nipples are hard.

Yeah. We've been partying like wild, right?

Yeah. Your brother's pretty fucking crazy, too.

We're twins.

- Yeah, you said as much.
- I know.

He was talking some pretty crazy shit
up there about you.

- Oh, my God. Like what was he saying?
- All kinds of shit.

- Fucking spilling the beans on your ass.
- Beans?

Like what kind of beans?
Like in a salad or what?

No, not beans in a salad.
Just stuff you've been saying.

What I been saying?

I don't know.
You tell me what you told him to tell me.

- You wanna hear?
- Yeah.

I'll tell you.

In my room. Room 289.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Oh, Jessie.

Sweet, young,

full of promise and potential.

You know I really do appreciate the fact
that you're drawn to me,

and what I do.

But no.

I can't come up to your hotel room.

I've been given a second chance at fame.

I got people depending on me.

Got a wife, kids, family.

I can't abuse this second chance
I've been granted.

There'll be no dick sucks tonight.

Like, I can't lick it or whatever?

No. Just...

My dick can't ever be
in your mouth ever, okay?

I... Okay.

- It's for the best... Yeah, no...
- So... Oh, sorry...

No, you go ahead. No, no. I'm sorry.

- No, what were you gonna say?
- You go ahead. What were you gonna say?

I was just gonna say
it's warm in here, so it's nice.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, no. It is warm, I know.

For a second, like, I was thinking it was cold.
But no, it is warm.

- It's like, yeah...
- Yeah.

It's so pretty.

What do you think the other guys are doing?

And I don't even think that
cocaine did that much to me.

It's just like I'm inside of a rainbow right now.
On one hand, I feel like I'm talking too much.

On the other hand,
I don't feel like I'm talking enough.

Like I have more to... Oh!

- Oh, it feels so good.
- Security!

- Get out of the pool.
- Kenny, it's the cops!

- Oh, shit!
- It's the cops.

Come on, god damn it. Shit.

Kiss, caress, attend.

Kiss, caress, attend.

- Harder.
- Kiss, caress, attend.

Harder.

What is it, Stevie?

It's not you, it's me, okay?

I did coke tonight. I have coke dick.
I did tons and tons of coke.

Fuck me.

Dear God, should I go get my dick sucked?

Jessie.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Congratulations.

What?

I decided to take you up
on one of those sweet cock sucks

you were talking about from earlier.

Oh.

No, honey.

No. You were right.

You have a family. We can't.
It's too messed up.

You don't have to worry about that, it's fine.

No, I'm sorry. Good night.

Good night.

- Is it time to get up?
- No, no, no, no.

The kids are still asleep.

Listen, I got to admit it. That you were right.

I needed this. We needed this.

Thank you so much for making me realize it.

Because I had a fucking blast.

Yeah. Well, I told you that this
would be awesome. So, yeah.

It's a great time.

Okay. So now you can be really honest
with me. How bad did I embarrass myself?

- Oh, come on. You were fine.
- You can tell the truth.

No, no. You were fine.

Seriously, don't get in your head about it.
Nothing bad happened.

Nothing at all.