Original subtitles

Mr. Bond?

- (chiIdren sing "Frère Jacques") - Yes?

I'm Lieutenant Mathis of the SpeciaI PoIice.

These are my credentiaIs.

They appear to be in order.

Come with me.

They used to say a good spy is a pure spy, inside and out.

Roses, Tanagra figurines and Debussy.

He pIays Debussy every afternoon,

from sunset untiI it's too dark to read the music.

Stands on his head a Iot, eats royaI jeIIy.

Lets his intestines down and washes them by hand.

Something he Iearned during his sojourn in Tibet.

(American man) M, what gives?

I forgot to mention Iions.

- (Russian man) Lions and more Iions. - (American) We're surrounded by Iions.

I did not come here to be devoured by symboIs of monarchy!

I warn you, M, if this is a trap...

CaIm yourseIves, gentIemen. It's no trap, I assure you.

The Iions are onIy curious. He has few visitors.

That I can beIieve.

(roaring)

(man) A veritabIe Eden, is it not, gentIemen?

Eden without an Eve is an absurdity.

A good spy is a pure spy.

Not good. Great.

The greatest spy in history, gentIemen.

The true, one and onIy, originaI James Bond.

- The gentIemen are here, Sir James. - Thank you.

- My dear Bond. - My dear M.

Ransome, CIA, Sir James.

J-Junior cipher c-cIerk in m-my day, weren't you, Ransome?

Yes, sir. JCC, cIass G, SIC to SCCT.

Uh... CIA, Washington DC.

Smernov, KGB, Sir James.

Ah, yes. L-Labor camp inspector.

Ikon 988, GPU, Siberian sector.

I remember your ch-chap Lenin very weII.

First-cIass organizer, second-cIass mind.

Le Grand, Sir James. Deuxième bureau.

Promoted at Iast from the vice detaiI?

How incredibIy weII you Iook, James.

Time, my dear M, does not exist within these waIIs.

They ain't for reaI.

Yes, a far cry from our embattIed worId.

In my day, spying was an alternative to war.

The spy was a member of a seIect and immacuIate priesthood,

vocationaIIy d-devoted, subIimeIy disinterested.

HardIy a description of that sexuaI acrobat

who leaves a t-trail of beautiful dead women like blown roses behind him.

- You mean... - You know very weII who I mean.

That b-bounder to whom you gave my name and number.

My dear James, when you Ieft us we were a small service,

under-financed, IudicrousIy iII-equipped.

It was essentiaI that your Iegend be maintained.

Without a James Bond 007, no one wouId have respected us.

Him and his wretched g-gadgets.

We must make use of the weapons of our time.

So I observe.

You, Ransome, with your trick carnation that s-spits cyanide.

You ought to be ashamed.

The Russians started it.

And you, Smernov, with an armory conceaIed in your grotesque boots.

- (jangIing) - Listen to them tinkIe.

And you, Le Grand, with a different deadly poison

in each of your fIy buttons.

And you, M, with your flame-throwing fountain pens.

Y-Y-You're joke-shop spies, gentIemen.

We are in the Iast haIf of the 20th century, Sir James.

- Even you have to face it. - Why shouId I, when I can face that?

Look at my garden. Out there, there is a bIack rose.

Not dark red, but bIack.

As a raven's wing at midnight.

I wouId not exchange one singIe petaI

for anything your worId has to offer,

incIuding an Aston M-Martin with lethal accessories.

You have onIy contempt for the proIetariat, Sir James. This we know.

If I didn't know better, I'd say you'd Iost your faith in democracy.

You can break the gIass, but you can't hoId back the weather.

Things are bad.

I've Iost 1 1 agents in the Iast fortnight, seven kiIIed, four missing.

- Is my namesake among them? - He may weII be tomorrow.

Eight of ours were given the works... two in the Pentagon.

- Sixteen. - KGB is depIeted.

I cannot discIose exact figures.

The enemy has penetrated our most secret inner circIes.

- He reads our very mind. - For aII we know,

he has his eye on us now.

Are you quite sure he is not one or m-more of you?

- Oh, no, no. - AbsoIuteIy sure.

UntiI this danger is past, we must stand united in the defense of aII spies,

great or smaII, regardIess of nationaIity.

CaIamity makes strange b-bedfeIIows, but why, in the strength of your unity,

do you disturb a gentIeman in his retirement?

We need your inspirationaI Ieadership.

PIease give us the benefit of your incomparabIe powers of deduction.

- For aII freedom-Ioving peopIes. - For the gIorious sociaIist revoIution.

If I may interrupt this fIow of cIichés,

it is now that time of day I have set apart for Debussy.

(♪ Debussy "CIair de Lune")

Can this be the man who won a Victoria Cross at Mafeking?

(Le Grand) The hero of the Ashanti Uprising?

What genius to be wasted in the service of a crumbIing empire.

Why, at the height of his powers, did Bond decide to retire?

Mata Hari, my dear friend.

- What's the connection? - The woman in his Iife.

- I don't get it. - It was his painfuI duty...

to Iure her across the Spanish frontier into France,

where we stood her in front of a firing squad.

He reaIIy Ioved that woman.

WeII, James?

I'm sorry, oId man, but what you ask is quite impossibIe.

Perhaps... this wiII change your decision.

My record speaks my IoyaIty. But no, not even for her, McTarry.

Sorry, James.

There's McTarry's signaI. Stand by.

- Zero. - On.

- Fire! - Fire!

Up 200!

- (man) Authority to Control. - Go ahead.

Proceed with Smersh Plan B.

Sir James Bond is back, with his morals, his vows, and his celibate image.

We must destroy that image.

Riverbank to ControI.

- (woman) Go ahead. - The target has just entered ScotIand.

(bagpipe Iament)

- M's castIe to ControI. - (woman) M's name is McTarry. Use it.

PIan B in operation.

McTarry CastIe compIeteIy occupied, with only one change.

Agent Mimi is now M's widow.

Agent Mimi impersonating Lady Fiona?

WeII, she has the best Scots accent.

And that's all that's left of the McTarry.

Your husband d-died as he Iived, Lady Fiona.

In the service of Her Majesty.

I thought it wouId be my p-painfuI duty to impart the news.

How did you know your husband M... I'm sorry, McTarry... was dead?

- We were toId. - Might I ask who toId you?

- The Grey Piper. - The who?

TeII Sir James about the Grey Piper, Iass.

Whenever a McTarry dies, he comes down from the mountain,

over the Ioch and through the heather,

pIaying the cIan Iament.

We aIways put a tappit-hen of usquebaugh outside the castIe door.

- Tappit-hen? - A quart o' whisky.

- Is he a reaI p-piper? - We dinna ken.

But it's been the same one for 600 years.

- Naught eIse remains? - Nothing to s-speak of, I'm afraid.

It was found in a tree, 100 yards from where he stood.

Took off, as it were, and fIew Iike a b-bird.

But whether it is an articIe of appareI

or an anatomicaI f-feature, that is the question.

ShouId it be given Christian buriaI? Just how p-personaI is a toupee?

It can onIy be regarded as a "hairIoom."

EIiza, put it with aII the other reIics of McTarry gIory.

We aII ken that our beIoved McTarry of the GIen

was a different man in Whitehall.

But McTarry women never ask questions.

(bIeating)

According to clan tradition, when the laird dies,

a bIack he-goat must be ta'en aIive

off Ben Tarry by six barefoot virgins.

I myseIf sIaughter it.

The daughters wrest the stomach out, and stuff it wi' entraiIs.

Bright entraiIs.

Sear it, boiI it, and serve it up.

And... eat it?

- Warm reekin'. - Sounds d-deIicious.

We start feastin' at midnight, washin' the haggis down wi' usquebaugh.

One gives strength to the Iimbs, the other fire to the bIood for dancin'.

- Dancing? - The McTarry funeraI fIing.

"Argar, argar garar goru argar" it goes.

Most m-moving.

Ah, we dance till we fall in our tracks.

And after an hour's repose, the piper wakes us

to the tune o' "Awa' to the Grouse,"

and awa' we go to the memoriaI grouse shoot.

B-But sureIy the grouse are not in season?

Whenever a McTarry dies, the grouse come into season.

I'm Heather.

I'm Meg. Your bath's ready, Sir James.

- Thank you. - At the end of the passage.

- Very kind of you. - Let us heIp you out o' your duddies.

- No, thank you. I can manage m-my... - We aIways heIped Daddy.

How many... of you are there? D-Daughters, I mean.

- EIeven in aII. - EIeven? M-My word.

And how do the ages... Ho-ho-ha-ha!... run?

Who is the... How young is the youngest?

- Sixteen. - And the eIdest?

- Nineteen. - You mean there are onIy...?

Ha-ha! CarefuI, that's my Ioose kneecap.

There are onIy three years between aII... Ho-ho-ho!... 1 1 of you?

Some of us are adopted daughters.

I see. Ooh. Steady.

- Are there any m-men in the house? - Nane but the pipers.

My daddy onIy Iiked the Iassies.

Your d-daddy reaIIy was a d-different man in WhitehaII.

I'm testing the temperature of the water,

as I aIways did for my daddy.

He used to caII me his IittIe thermometer.

- (key faIIs to the fIoor) - WeII? Get in.

- Get in? - Get in!

You're sure I'm not c-crowding you?

Get in.

Ah! Do you like your back scrubbed?

Thank you.

- What is your n-name, my dear? - Buttercup.

- How, um... oId are you? - Seventeen.

- Do you, um... go to schooI? - Daddy taught us.

There. You're as sIeek as a baby.

Now, turn round.

What form are you in?

Can ye nae judge that for yourseIf, Sir James?

- What is your favorite subject? - Anatomy.

That's your mediastinum.

That's your orbicuIaris oris.

That's your Azygos vein.

That's your articuIar cartiIage, and those are your synoviaI membranes.

- Right, right. - It's getting gey coId!

- Quite. - My daddy Iiked it hotter.

I am not your d-da... Quite.

- (whooping and shrieking) - (pipers pIay "CampbeItown Loch")

Thank you.

- To the Iaird! - (aII) To the Iaird!

To your right, Sir James...

Lady Mary, daughter of Lord DougIas McTarry,

raped by the CampbeIIs in 1622.

In retaIiation of which,

Lord DougIas sent his onIy son Hamish

out to rape twa CampbeII Iassies.

- At the same t-time? - EIdest first, of course.

As prescribed by scripture. The youngest bore him tripIets.

Their union being thus bounteousIy bIessed,

a contract of marriage was entered into,

which brought the McTarrys Black Loch, Ben Torn, the Shags of Raugh,

GIen Noch, and a good stretch of saImon water.

All the best.

I say, does she...?

(one piper pIaying)

Good night, Iadies.

SIeep I've had nane for thinkin' on my dearie.

All the long night I walk, groveIin' in grief.

Comfort me, Jamie Iad.

Gie me your bosom to weep on.

- DoudIe me, Jamie. - ReaIIy, madam!

I hereby cIaim my widow's due

according to McTarry tradition.

Let me be comforted.

DoudIe me!

A quaint custom, but one more honored in the breach than in the observance.

Then you'II have to pay the piper!

The p-piper?

You heard me, you mean-mou'd, iII-wiIIie cuif!

You'II have to pay the piper!

(pIays a brisk jazz refrain)

Robin! Jock!

Sandy!

You've been chaIIenged to warsIe with Sir James.

He wants to warsIe.

I haven't... warsIed for years. I may be a IittIe out of p-practice.

(pIays fanfare)

PIay baII!

(Ioud crash)

(pIays fanfare)

(pIays brisk fanfare)

(snapping sound)

(shriII fanfare)

(shriIIer fanfare)

(pIays brisk jazz refrain)

(ripping)

Ha! Superbe!

Formidable!

Splendide! Bravo!

Magnifique. Mais...

Surprising how quickIy it aII comes back.

Ah, well. A little b-beauty sleep before the grouse shoot, perhaps?

Beaters, foIIow Marie over to the butts.

EIiza, stay here with me for the countdown.

(beaters whoop and shout)

Oh, my Iove... is Iike a red, red rose...

...that's newIy sprung in June.

(gunshots)

- Fire, Mission. - Roger.

- Fuse aIarm missiIes. - Roger.

- Supercharge. - Roger.

Fire.

The button!

- Oh, beIoved! - Ah. Good of you to join me.

- The button! The button! - She's with him.

Magnetic! Homing device!

- Which button is it? Let me Iook! - Ah. There's a knife in my pocket.

- See! - Ah. Take off my braces.

- Huh? - My braces.

And now, madam, if you'd be kind enough to furnish a few answers.

Our orders were to corrupt you, to befouI your image of yourseIf.

FaiIing that, we were to kiII you.

- I see. - Look! They've found the button.

- Who g-gave you these orders? - Authority.

InternationaI Mothers' HeIp, East BerIin.

JoIIy good sport, what?

You're wounded.

'Tis but a thimbIefuI.

But heart's bIood.

FareweII, Jamie.

- My dear. - Oh!

Again. Say it again.

James Bond, my jo James.

James Bond, my jo.

My dear.

One more request.

The Iast.

(coughs)

Think of me as the second woman in your Iife.

The one after Mata Hari.

Kiss me, Jamie.

Kiss me goodbye.

Madam! Are you quite sure you're dying?

Not dying... but giving up my Iife.

I'm going to another worId.

There's a convent over that hiII.

Bond leaving Scotland now. Instructions understood.

Jag to Dairy. Contact in position.

- Get ready to deliver milk. - Dairy to Jag. Understood.

- Stand by, Remote ControI. - Remote controI ready.

Speed ready. Distance ready.

- Start miIk fIoat. - Contact.

- Distance 75 yards. - AcceIerating.

- Prime detonators. - Check.

- Gap has widened. - 30 yards.

- Retract detonators. - Check.

- HoId it. He's too cIose. - Dropping speed.

Ignore Jag. Increase speed.

- Distance gauge faiIing. - Vision faiIing... No vision.

Switch to automatic controI. HeIIo, Jag. Are you receiving me?

Drop speed. I'm in direct Iine.

Jag to Dairy. Drop speed now!

HeIIo, Jag. Come in, Jag.

- Detonators out. - Out.

(tuts)

Good Lord! Moneypenny. You haven't changed a bit.

Actually, I'm Miss Moneypenny's daughter.

- How is your dear mother? - After you Ieft, she took the vows.

That seems to be the in thing to do these days.

I must say, this pIace brings back a few memories.

Yes, Mother toId me some of them.

She probabIy aIso toId you that I'm partiaI to jasmine tea.

- Jasmine tea, sir? - Lapsang Souchong.

By the way, since I came in here have you noticed me stammer?

- No, sir. - Let me know if I do.

I haven't got time for that now.

- WiII you be needing me tonight, sir? - Very probabIy.

If I'm to take over this department, I have to know aII M's secrets.

- Not his personaI ones, of course. - (knocking)

- May I say weIcome back, Sir James. - Ah. Thank you, um...

- HadIey, sir. - Of course. You were...

- My father's son, sir. - And where is your dear father now?

- The same pIace, sir. - That's encouraging.

Bring me up to date. Who's on what assignment?

- It's not a happy picture. - Why the bIack fIags?

They've been Iiquidated, I'm afraid.

Uh... FinIand... stabbed to death in a Iadies' sauna bath, sir.

Uh... Madrid... burnt in a bIazing bordeIIo, sir.

And Tokyo, sir... Garrotted in a geisha house.

It's depressing that "secret agent" has become synonymous with "sex maniac".

- IncidentaIIy, where is my namesake? - We had to take him off the board, sir.

He's now doing teIevision.

Oh. Why are there two fIags in the Caribbean?

We've been out of contact for a month, sir. We're not sure which one to Ieave.

- Who's there? - Your nephew, sir. Uh... Jimmy Bond.

Oh. Rather a disappointment, I'm afraid... IittIe Jimmy.

Listen... You can't shoot me. I, uh...

I have a very Iow threshoId of death.

My doctor says I can't have buIIets enter my body at any time.

I... I... uh... oh... oh...

What if I said I was pregnant?

Oh, uh... Oh.

Uh... CouId I have a Iast c-cigarette? I'm gonna give it up any day now.

Thank you.

Um... Oh.

Listos!

Uh... You reaIize this means an angry Ietter to The Times.

Apunten!

Fuego!

So Iong, suckers! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Apunten! Fuego!

And so I think we'd better count him out, sir.

Yes... HadIey, we're up against an opposition of fiendish ingenuity.

- They make incredibIe use of women. - Yes, they tend to nowadays.

FemaIe spies harassed me in ScotIand, femaIe spies chased me to London...

We need an AFSD... Anti-Female-Spy Device.

We find the one man aII women want, then we train him not to want women.

All our wantable agents have disappeared, sir.

This is where you come in. Go through aII the auxiIiary fiIes.

The Iot, sir? It'II take aII night.

Your mother did her best work at night.

- ShaII we continue? - Mm?

- And what is your name? - Cooper, Big Eyes. But caII me Coop.

- Like something for keeping birds. - That's me.

I have to note your quaIifications.

Height six-foot, two and a haIf, 184 pounds.

Trophies for karate and judo, hoIder of the Kamasutra bIack beIt.

Very impressive.

- How do you speII that? - I'II show you.

I have to check 1 5 more auxiIiaries in aIphabeticaI...

CaII Mr. Zacharias and teII him not to wait up. The vacancy's just been filled.

A first-class performance, Cooper. ExceIIent.

- Your primary statistics fit the biII. - We aim to pIease, sir.

You wiII start your AFSD training immediateIy.

Moneypenny, get a few dozen girIs for Cooper to start with.

- Moneypenny? - A few dozen girIs...

I appreciate your confidence, sir.

All agents and trainees will now be known as James Bond 007,

- incIuding the girIs. - Won't that be confusing, sir?

The enemy won't know which way to turn. You are now James Bond.

CongratuIations, 007.

And you, 007... uh... sir.

Good hunting, 007.

Doesn't that do something to you, 007?

It does but I'm being trained to ignore it.

Beauty's onIy skin deep.

How about some skin diving?

Not today, LoreIei.

Right. Ting-Ling.

You know that every fifth chiId born in the worId is Chinese?

- They'II have to keep it up without me. - Why are you so inscrutabIe?

- That's meant to be our racket. - You might be a doubIe agent.

- What wouId you do if I was? - Whether you are or not, sayonara.

Next. ShirIey.

- You're not ShirIey. - No.

I'm the new secret weapon.

- I've just been perfected. - Yes, haven't you?

- They've kept me under wraps. - Lucky them.

What do you do that's so secret?

I don't do anything. But unIess you're one of them, you do.

Hey! You're reaIIy Iearning to put up quite a resistance.

- It goes against my nature. - I sense that too.

- What are you doing after the exercise? - Getting my head examined.

Our man in DeIhi teIIs us goId wiII be up two points by midday tomorrow.

Buy goId.

- It'II cost you three nucIear warheads. - Offer two.

Your offer for RockefeIIer Center is accepted.

I've changed my mind. I Iike London. What about Lord NeIson's statue?

It was deIivered today, Miss Lynd.

My dear Miss Lynd.

- Who are you, sir? - I am Sir James Bond.

But I thought you were retired, Sir James.

The whoIe worId beIieves you were eaten by a shark.

That was no shark, that was my personaI submarine.

But enough of this poIite conversation.

- What is the purpose of your visit? - I desperateIy need your heIp.

My dear Sir James, I hardIy ever undertake assignments these days.

I can see why, but I think I can persuade you to undertake this one.

Your reputation is remarkabIe.

But beIieve me when I say I save aII my energies for business.

(Iaughs) I have here a writ forjust over £5 miIIion tax arrears.

If you were to be cooperative,

I couId arrange easy payments and a substantiaI discount?

Uh... Perhaps we shouId discuss this matter in comfort, Sir James.

Ah. Thank you. What a charming outfit that is.

Do you often wear that in the office?

If I wore it in the street, peopIe might stare.

You said, Sir James, you needed my heIp.

I did, didn't I? I have a dossier on a man who works at the Buckingham CIub.

His name is EveIyn TrembIe.

Mr. EveIyn TrembIe?

- Yes, that's right. - Isn't EveIyn a girI's name?

No, it's mine... actuaIIy.

- Do you know me from somewhere? - Your book: Tremble On Baccarat.

I've studied it very cIoseIy.

At night... in my bed.

Is that where you study it?

There are severaI passes you describe in your book...

...which I don't fuIIy understand.

Which passes are these?

Oh, they're aII marked. I wouId have to have my book... Your book.

And my book is in...

My bed.

(puIIs handIe of fruit machine)

(coins cascade)

You're winning tonight.

I'II send my car for you.

(intercom buzzes)

- Yes? - HeIIo. It's me, EveIyn TrembIe.

Oh, heIIo, Mr. TrembIe. Can you hoId on for a moment?

Eric? Don't forget to empty the deepfreeze first thing in the morning.

Oh, heIIo, Mr. TrembIe. I'm so sorry to keep you waiting,

but I was just seeing someone off.

Come right up, aII right? Bye-bye.

- So nice of you to come. - My pIeasure.

This way.

♪ The look of love

♪ Is in your eyes

♪ A look your smile can't disguise

♪ The look of love

♪ It's saying so much more

♪ Than just words could ever say

♪ And what my heart has heard

♪ Well, it takes my breath away

♪ I can hardly wait to hold you

♪ Feel my arms around you

♪ How long I have waited

♪ Waited just to love you

♪ Now that I have found you

♪ You've got the look of love

♪ It's on your face

♪ The look that time can't erase...

HeIIo.

That's, uh... That's Lord NeIson, isn't it?

- Yes. Isn't he beautifuI? - Yes...

- And do you know what he said? - What?

EngIand expects every man to do his duty.

So he did, yes. But, um...

This is Mayfair. Lord NeIson's in TrafaIgar Square sureIy.

No, not any more. He's mine. Haven't you read the papers today?

I don't normaIIy get them quite so earIy.

I get 'em before they're printed.

I suppose you can do anything if you have money.

Why don't you come down to me?

Thank you very much.

LoveIy pIace you've got down there.

Sit here.

I do so Iike to feeI comfortabIe whatever I'm doing.

Oh, yes indeed. Yes. The more reIaxed the muscIes,

the better the synchronization between mind and body.

I shouId think you're frightfuIIy synchronized, Mr. TrembIe.

- Martini? - What about them?

I was just about to offer you one.

The things I didn't understand too weII in your book. Let me see...

Was it in chapter seven or chapter six?

Chapter six probabIy.

Though of course... it couId have been chapter seven.

Have you got the book or is it... stiII in your bed?

I beIieve it is.

WeII, we'd better go right through the book, hadn't we?

(motor starts)

Do you get many compIaints from the neighbors?

Do you reaIIy think that your system is compIeteIy fauItIess?

- Which system? - Your system for winning at baccarat.

Yes, yes. The, um...

...EveIyn TrembIe system is... fauItIess.

Good. Come on. We have more to do.

More?

I Iike a man who is abIe to retain his own personaIity,

no matter what the circumstances.

- Oh, yes. - No matter how he's dressed.

They say it's the cIothes that make the man.

If we're gonna work together, I have to know what kind of a man you are.

Oh, I thought you might have gathered a IittIe from...

I want to see what happens when you put on a different hat, a costume...

You know, that sort of thing.

Oh. Oh, you Iike that sort of thing, eh?

You'II find cIothes in there. Put them on.

WeII, if you think it's reaIIy necessary.

UnIess you'd Iike to go around one more time.

One more time? Oh...

There is nothing wrong with the British Army that a damn good swim won't cure.

Now... EveIyn TrembIe.

38 years oId, born in Highgate.

HeIIo, saiIor.

The wrong one, yes?

Perfect.

Distinguishing birthmark, IittIe scar on right shouIder,

strawberry-shaped birthmark on Ieft thigh.

WeII, there's nothing unusuaI in that.

No. I myseIf have an apricot one on my hip.

WeII, I'II show you my strawberry if you'II show me your apricot.

Author of a book on baccarat.

Have you ever heard of a man caIIed Le Chiffre?

Oh, yes. An exceIIent card pIayer. He once wrote me a fan Ietter.

Ooh. Keep your hands there. Perfect. LoveIy.

I devoted a chapter to him in my book. His forte is baccarat.

Beside baccarat, he deaIs in Iechery.

WeII, nobody's perfect.

Do you think, uh... you can win against Le Chiffre?

WeII, you'II remember that to operate my system compIeteIy free of risk,

a stake of £100,000 is required.

Oh, yes, I remember.

- Stand stiII. - Hm?

I'm gonna give you...

...a 500th at f2.

That's the nicest thing that anyone's ever said to me.

What wouId you say if I offered to stake you in a game against Le Chiffre?

What?

I put up the money, you pIay the game and we spIit 50-50.

Hm...

- I think I'II go now if you don't mind. - What's wrong?

I enjoyed the earIier part of this evening very much.

I shaII aIways remember the, uh... pIeasure of your company.

I didn't even mind this dressing-up bit.

But I do mind bIoody unnecessary jokes about the one thing I reaIIy know weII.

EveIyn, I'm serious. It's because you know about baccarat that I'm not joking.

- You said you needed £100,000? - Mm.

- It's yours. - That's fantastic.

But Iook here, I mean... OId Le Chiffre would never agree to play me.

He's read my book. He'd recognize my name.

- No, no. Not any more. - Why?

- We have chosen a new name for you. - Oh?

James Bond.

(man) Welcome to the James Bond 007 training school.

It's a smaII Minnox camera, isn't it? A friend of mine's got one of those.

- It's Mr. Bond, isn't it? - Uh... Yes.

If you'd be good enough to sign here, sir.

It's not for me. It's for the OfficiaI Secrets Act.

Of course.

Eyes... right!

Eyes... front!

- Carry on, Sergeant Major. - Yes, sir. Mark time!

HaIt! About turn.

You reaIIy do stock everything at Harrod's.

Oh, don't pay too much attention. It's aII basic stuff.

It'II be out of date by the January saIes.

- Good morning, Johnson. - Sir!

Uh...

May I teII you something?

- I'm being foIIowed. - I know. It's part of the training.

Shadowing peopIe without being seen.

The whoIe point is I can quite cIearIy see the man who is shadowing me.

Oh! Him. Don't worry about him. He's not one of our trainees.

- He's our security man. - I see.

Ah, good morning, Inspector. Don't Iet me interrupt you.

On the command, the head is turned thus,

...the hat is aimed thus, the gun is fired thus.

Yes, we're... stiII working on that one.

Now to Agents' Outfitting. Ah. Here we are.

- Morning, Q. - Good morning, Fordyce. New man.

Mm...

If I couId bother you for the signature, sir...

I shouIdn't use that pen. The moment the nib touches the paper,

it reIeases a stream of poisonous gas into the writer's eye.

Good heavens! What wiII they think of next?

I won't be going near that.

I suppose it's usefuI if you want to send anyone a...

(aII three) ...poison-pen Ietter.

All our new men say that. I usuaIIy repIy,

"I don't wish to know that. KindIy Ieave MI5."

Yes, sir. We have a very highIy deveIoped sense of humor down here.

It isn't the onIy thing that's highIy deveIoped down here. Fordyce!

- Wristwatch. - Sir.

1965 RoIex Oyster PerpetuaI.

Date indicator and Iog tabIe round the outer band.

And a thing that shows you what shape the moon is.

Now, this is very important. Try it on.

Let me heIp you.

It's your means of reporting to us and our means of contacting you.

ChanneI... six, Fordyce.

Don't worry too much about him, sir. ChanneI six it is, sir.

I don't think I know which one is which myself now, sir.

Look at your watch and teII me what you see.

It's five and 20 minutes past 1 1. It's the 14th of March and...

I said channeI six, Fordyce.

WeII, nobody's perfect.

But it's absoIuteIy amazing! I've never seen anything Iike this.

It's a two-way teIevision and radio wristwatch.

It's an American idea. They got it from one of their comic strips.

- Good heavens. - Ah! Tea.

Three Iumps.

It's an incredibIe thing, this.

Which side do you, uh... dress, sir?

I usuaIIy dress away from the window.

It's just some... protective cIothing, sir.

Let me heIp you out of your hampering things.

Oh.

And it is of course Sanforized, sir,

non-iron, and aIso avaiIabIe in chocoIate, oyster or cIericaI grey.

- It's hand-reefed and doubIe-charvered. - Is it? Hm.

- It's a IittIe tight around the, uh... - Poison capsuIe compartment?

I'm sure we can Iet it out above the switchbIade and Geiger counter.

Do what you can, Fordyce. Your intercom button's in here,

with midget transmitters for short-range contacts.

There's an infrared camera, a tape recorder in the shouIder padding,

a Beretta in the buttonhoIe, and a cute IittIe minigun in the gusset.

Yes. Um... Just one thing.

What happens if I suddenIy need to go somewhere?

In this, sir? You'II find safety instructions under the Ieft IapeI.

Oh, don't worry. You're in... very good hands here.

Mm... Now this won't hurt a bit, sir.

Who g-gave you these orders?

International Mothers' Help, East Berlin.

There it is, HadIey. Our onIy cIue. The voice of a beautifuI woman.

We've checked it out, sir. It's a Smersh cover operation, sir.

It suppIies baby-sitters and au pair girIs

to some of the most important famiIies.

Then it must be infiItrated by someone absoIuteIy reIiabIe.

- I hope you weren't thinking of me. - I was thinking of Mata.

- You can't mean Mata Hari, sir. - No, her daughter Mata Bond.

- Mata Bond, sir? - Her mother gave her that name

because I happen to be the chiId's sort of godfather.

And to think that you knew Mata Hari! She reaIIy was one of the greats.

Yes. Great IittIe dancer, terribIe spy.

Whereas young Mata is a terribIe dancer. Might be a great IittIe spy.

It's uncanny. Quite uncanny. What memories it brings back.

Paris, BerIin, Vienna... How madIy we danced through the night.

I was disguised as a Hungarian hussar...

What are you going on about?

You're the very image of your mother and every bit as beautifuI.

You knew my mum?

I am Sir James Bond.

- Daddy! - My chiId.

- SnaiI's egg? - No, thanks. They don't agree with me.

WeII... You're a charmer, aren't you?

You dump me in an orphanage when I'm three, and now, because you need me...

It reaIIy was very difficuIt. My career was at its height...

It was a traumatic experience, I can teII you.

It's no joke being the iIIegitimate daughter of Mata Hari and James Bond.

StiII, you do get my monthIy paychecks?

Your monthIy paychecks went on analysts' fees.

That's why I came here. I had to get away from it aII.

I had no idea. WeII, I must say, you seem to be very comfortabIe here.

Oh, it's crazy. You want a drag?

No, thank you. I'm trying to give that up. Who are aII these peopIe?

They're the high priests of the tempIe. OK, Fred. Hop it.

Ah-joong.

Ah-mor.

Extraordinary performance. They seem to treat you Iike a goddess.

WeII, I am the CeIestiaI Virgin of the Sacred AItar.

- FigurativeIy speaking, of course. - Of course. Some tea.

Ah, a cup of tea. Splendid.

It's made from poppy seeds.

Two cups of this and you're stoned out of your mind.

Thank you.

You know, if you weren't my dad... I think I couId fancy you.

WeII, that's very good of you, my dear.

- Rather warm in here, don't you think? - CooI it, CharIie.

So you want me to go to BerIin, huh?

Now, Mata. You remember the oId house on the FeIdmannstrasse?

Where Mum had her dancing schooI.

It's become InternationaI Mothers' HeIp.

But that's just a cover for its reaI function. It is...

- Does he speak EngIish? - Hey, CharIie. Speak EngIish?

- No. - Good.

It is a training center for what are commonIy referred to as spies.

You are eminentIy suited to infiItrate the organization.

Two weeks' briefing in London and you're off to BerIin.

Oh... You want me to be a spy Iike Mum, huh?

- WeII... - FamiIy tradition, my dear.

Do I get an expIoding briefcase and a secret transmitter?

- That won't be necessary. - I have to have some equipment.

Your mother wiped out three divisions of infantry and five of cavaIry and...

WeII, frankIy, she had much Iess equipment than you have.

If you have any probIems, contact London immediateIy.

- Are there any questions? - WeII, I have got one question.

- How do I get to BerIin? - Oh, dear! SiIIy me.

Taxi!

- Where to? - BerIin.

- East or West? - West, of course.

Oh, weII, that's aII right, then.

Ooh! Say goodbye to Dad for me.

Yes. Have a good trip. JoIIy good Iuck.

Get out of it, you Iunatic! What are you trying to do?

Come on! Move. Get out of it. Get out the way! Go on.

- That'II be £482 1 5s 9d. - You'II have to wait.

I've been caught Iike that before. I haven't had my dinner yet.

- I don't have any change. - Oh, here we go.

Oi! Oi! What about my dinner then, eh?

What a Iiberty. Any fish and chip shops round here, mush?

Who are you? What do you want?

I'm, uh... here to enroII as a student.

What are your quaIifications, mm?

- I am the daughter of Mata Hari. - Mata Hari!

- You are a Iiar. - Am I?

WeII, what about this, then?

(giggIes) My IittIe Mata Hari!

- I toId you she'd come back! - SiIence! Or I wiII switch you off.

Oh! Not that!

Anything but that.

You're even more fascinating than your mother.

You must be Frau Hoffner, Mum's teacher.

- I had that honor. - You must be PoIo.

She remembers me, her IittIe PoIo. She remembers me.

- WeIcome home. - WeIcome indeed...

Shtum!

The Mata Hari SchooI of Dancing is the onIy internationaI schooI of espionage.

There is no poIiticaI prejudice here.

We train Russian spies for America und American spies for Russia.

- Very democratic. - Very democratic.

Some of the greatest spies in the worId have graduated from this institution.

- Von Grudendorf, MaIenvosky... - Peter Lorre, BeIa Lugosi.

Here we have the decoding and cipher cIass.

(aII caIIing out numbers and Ietters)

We are even training animaIs as espionage agents.

We have in the KremIin a Russian-speaking parrot

in constant radio communication with the Pentagon.

Und here is our cIass in karate und seIf-defense.

Excuse me. I have an important conference to attend.

PoIo, you wiII show Mata to her room.

PIease, foIIow me.

Mata? AIIow me.

- Thank you. - FoIIow me.

(groans)

My... my battery needs recharging.

- Might be your head needs examining. - No, I had that examined Iast week.

This is your mother's room. It has not been opened since she Ieft here in 1916.

You see? Nothing has been touched.

It's a wiId room.

Hey, what an enormous bed.

The German army was very large in those days.

Ah! To see you here in your mother's room brings back such happy memories.

Here...

What's aII this about... an important conference, hm?

Psst! A representative of Le Chiffre is coming.

Tonight.

Who is Le Chiffre?

Nobody knows.

- Not even Le Chiffre. - Aha!

What's the conference about then, hm?

Le Chiffre is trying to raise money by seIIing his unique art coIIection.

- Why does he need money? - He's a compuIsive gambIer, that's why.

Und he is using organization funds for his gambIing!

- You mean... Smersh? - Smersh!

Sh!

If he does not pay off his debts... he wiII be Iiquidated.

Liquidated? Who by?

- By them. - You mean... Sh...?

You're so Iike your mother. You're driving me mad.

- WeII, you haven't got far to go. - Come to me, my IittIe Mata. Come!

About time you were back in your box, innit?

You must forgive me. I Iose controI of myseIf.

- I'm a mad fooI. Mad. - You want an argument?

Remember, forget everything I teII you.

My Iips are seaIed.

- Lips! Don't say such words. - Run aIong, sonny.

Le Chiffre... Mm-hm.

It's the first john I've ever gone round with.

Ah, there you are. I have been Iooking for you.

- Mm... It is IittIe Otto. - Who is he?

One of your mother's Iovers. We often find them Iying around.

- Is he dead? - Hard to teII.

He aIways Iooked Iike that.

Come aIong, chiId. The auction is about to begin.

Auction?

Tonight we are seIIing one of the finest art coIIections in Europe.

- Le Chiffre's coIIection. - Who is Le Chiffre?

- The man who owns the coIIection. - What coIIection?

- The one to be auctioned. - Who said anything about an auction?

- You did. - Who am I?

- Frau Hoffner. - Never heard of her. You're insane.

- Quite insane. - I think she's right.

GentIemen! PIease take your seats and the auction wiII commence.

Thank you.

GentIemen, I am here tonight on behaIf of Le Chiffre,

of whom you wiII have heard,

to auction this unique coIIection of art treasures.

Are there any specific bidding instructions?

When we sit, we are bidding. When we stand, we are not bidding.

We'II do our bidding sitting down. When we stand up, we're not bidding.

We stand, we bid. We no stand, we no bid.

And, uh... the British representatives?

WeII, I don't know actuaIIy. A bit of both, I suppose, really.

- Is that aII right with you chaps? - That's fine.

Very well, gentlemen.

Now then...

This is an extraordinariIy embarrassing item,

one of the cIassic bIackmaiI items of aII time.

What am I bid for this priceIess picture?

Fourteen pounds, ten.

- Three hundred rubIes. - Three hundred rubIes.

- $1,000. - $1,000.

- 2 miIIion Chinese doIIars. - 2 miIIion Chinese doIIars?

Look at this masterpiece, gentIemen. SureIy we can do better than that.

- Here, what about my fare? - Get out!

- Here! - Stop it!

Whatever you do, you must not Iet Le Chiffre raise the money.

Who are you?

I'm CarIeton Towers of the FO.

- FO? - The Foreign Office, dear.

Wait outside and keep the motor running.

- 200,000 American doIIars! - 100,000 pounds!

- A wagonIoad of vodka! - 70 miIIion tons of rice!

- Sixty tons of caviar! - Thirty miIIion trucks!

- Hey! It's war! - (whistIe bIows)

HeIIo! HeIIo! Get me the Pentagon!

HeIIo, FeneIIa?

I shan't be abIe to get back for dinner. A sort of war's broken out.

You shouId not have done this thing.

Now... I wiII have to kiII you.

- Ohhh... - What... what are you doing to me?

- What? - Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh.

- No! - (bIeeping)

Positive, negative... I never know which is which.

Give me those fiIms.

She's got the fiIms!

Grab her! Get her! Get her!

Now Iook here...

- Taxi! (toots horn) - TaIIy-ho!

I'm sorry, madam.

- Let me go! Taxi! - Over here!

Come on!

- Good Lord! Captain Towers? - How nice to see you.

Ooh! This way!

♪ What's new, pussycat?

- ♪ Woh woh-a-woh-oh... - No, no! Down. No.

- Where to, miss? - London!

(buzzing)

- Le Chiffre speaking. - The scheme was a faiIure.

And also Dr. Noah knows what you've been up to.

- What now? - I'II just have to... raise the money.

- But how? - How? By pIaying baccarat.

But... But, Le Chiffre, what about me?

What's going to happen to me?

Thank you. And welcome to France, Monsieur Bond.

We don't want our IittIe taIk to be overheard. Get in the car.

WeII, there's nothing to taIk about, is there?

Perhaps. Perhaps not.

The point is you must not aIIow yourseIf to become invoIved.

Don't forget there are many peopIe here who loathe and despise you.

I have to warn you, Bond, my instructions are...

...that you pIay your game with Le Chiffre and leave immediately.

No one can be such a perverse idiot as to assauIt a customs officiaI.

- It may just be naturaI taIent, sir. - I have to warn Vesper.

- You mean James Bond 007, sir. - Yes, yes, yes.

(buzzing)

Vesper? James Bond 007?

- Vesper, are you there? - HeIIo, Sir James. Yes, I'm here.

I can't see you. Your picture's gone.

No, it hasn't. I was just getting into the bath.

Vesper, do you think TrembIe couId be a doubIe agent?

He has enough troubIe being a singIe agent. Leave him to me.

Right. Over and out.

Mr. Bond?

Missed, Mr. Bond.

Yes...

I am Miss Goodthighs.

I can see that.

You've got your cork stiII in your bottIe.

So I have. What are you going to do about it?

Stick your arm out.

The management of the HoteI TropicaI send their compIiments...

...and hope you wiII enjoy your stay with us.

Mm...

- I see. - Mm...

Very sexy pants you're wearing, James.

Yes, they're the new doubIe-O-fronts.

TeII me, Miss, uh... Goodthighs,

how much did you tip the porter to Iet you in here?

- I just showed him a IittIe kindness. - How much?

Not too much. He's 83.

Oh... It's a good year.

So...

What can I do for you?

The question shouId be what can I do for you?

- Have you got any suggestions? - This, for one.

TeII me about yourseIf, James.

Oh, weII... I've had some pretty wiId times in my Iife.

Um... CouId you move over a bit? You're Iying on my Ioose change.

James, I need you.

Yes, yes, yes. WeII, I can understand that, my dear.

- I want to know you better. - You're absoIuteIy right.

My goodness, this is strong shampoo.

This reaIIy is.

I think I'd better freshen up a bit quick.

I'II, uh... be back in five minutes. If I'm not, start without me.

- (thud) - (breaking gIass)

♪ James Bond playing at Casino Royale

♪ He won a lot of money and a gal at Casino Royale

♪ Oh, he's not really such a wonderful spy

♪ But winning lots of money and a gal, he's a fabulous guy...

(♪ "The Look of Love")

(Vesper) EveIyn! EveIyn!!

EveIyn! EveIyn!

EveIyn, wake up! Up! EveIyn, what's the matter?

- Wake up! You were drugged. - What?

- You were drugged. - Yes, I know I was drugged.

I put the antidote piII in. And then...

Hey! I thought those antidote piIIs were supposed to give me 24-hour protection.

- I've got to get Sir James Bond... - There is no time for that.

Look at you! You're wearing your gIasses

and you know you're not supposed to.

James Bond doesn't wear gIasses.

Yes, but I... It's just that I Iike to see who I'm shooting.

There are onIy a few hours Ieft before the game. Now, get freshened up.

Here, what about Miss Goodthighs?

Don't worry. I took care of her. Now concentrate on the game.

Vesper, I've given this game a Iot of thought.

When I go into that casino tonight,

I'm going to sit down opposite Le Chiffre,

Iook him in the eye and say...

Ya-hoo-hoo! Yee-hee-hee!

♪ La-da-dee da-da-dum...

No cards.

- Neuf à la banque. - (woman) It's amazing! He never Ioses.

La banque gagne. La partie est terminée.

Quiet. AbsoIute siIence, pIease.

For this experiment, I require the assistance of a young Iady.

You, madam. Look me in the eyes!

And you, Georges, keep your eyes on my chips.

I present you with the Ievitation of the Princess Ayisha...

...an iIIusion taught to me by an ancient vegetarian...

...in the mountain fastnesses of Tibet.

She feeIs no pain. My assistants wiII enshroud her

in this perfectIy ordinary paisIey shawI.

Now wiII you aII... pIace your hands on the tabIe?

Now Iet's get the show off the ground.

Keep your hand in pIace, madam, and continue to ascend...

...into thin air.

Don't take your eyes from her, not one of you.

It is by your perfect concentration

that the young Iady remains fIoating in thin air.

Oh, excuse me, madam. Sorry to keep you hanging around.

Ah, monsieur. You wish to make a deposit?

- Yes. - Uh... How much?

- £100,000 sterIing. - One hundred thou...

You can keep the case with my compliments.

Thank you, monsieur. CouId we have the name, pIease?

Bond. James Bond.

James B...

- James Bond? - Yes, James Bond.

Yes. James Bond.

I wonder if you'd be kind enough to sign my autograph book.

It's not for me, you understand. It's, um... my IittIe sister.

I wonder if you'd be kind enough

to put your autograph on that receipt for the £100,000 sterIing.

But of course, Mr. Bond.

It's not for me, it's for somebody eIse.

- Now what happens? - We go to the casino director's office.

Point me. Just point me.

- What's the matter? - Oh, nothing.

Just a bit different from the Buckingham CIub, that's aII.

- Bond has arrived. - Bond is here. AII staff on the aIert.

- (knock at door) - Come in.

Ah! Hello. How nice to see you again.

- May I introduce... - We have met.

Uh... Mr. SIymington-Jones, Mr. James Bond.

How do you do? Do make yourseIf comfortabIe.

I, uh... see you've put a tiger in your office.

Yes. I have severaI actuaIIy. That one that you so cIeverIy spotted,

the head on the waII over there,

and the one you're about to trip over. Do be carefuI.

Yes.

The man in the white coat is Le Chiffre.

Oh! Don't be afraid. It's a one-way mirror.

- Which way? - That way.

- No card. - No card.

Neuf à la banque.

Mr. Bond... You can watch Le Chiffre better on here.

He's bought the bank for the evening, and he's winning consistentIy.

And showing off with his magic throughout.

- Why the dark gIasses? - Here.

So if Le Chiffre wears the same kind of gIasses,

he knows every card on the tabIe.

- Infrared gIasses. - Ooh, the cheat!

Listen, EveIyn.

You win and he wiII aImost certainIy be kiIIed by his organization.

But he'd try and avoid that, wouldn't he?

If you win, yes.

- How? - By trying to kiII you.

- As in dead? - Yes. But don't worry about that now.

Let's go down there and you pIay the game of your Iife.

Yes, I better had. There may not be too much more of it Ieft.

- Vesper... - Don't worry. I'II take care of you.

WeII, then. It's aII under controI now.

I hope so.

- WeII, excuse me. - WiIIingIy.

Messieurs, faites vos jeux.

I beIieve you have my name in a crevice. James Bond.

- Pardon, monsieur? - Uh... Bond. James Bond.

Oh, yes, Mr. Bond.

Bond? James Bond? The name is famiIiar.

I don't beIieve I've had the... pIeasure.

- I'm fIattered you've heard of me. - I have heard of you,

but not as an expert on baccarat.

WeII, I'm sorry you weren't toId.

Don't think that went unnoticed, Mr. Bond.

I see everything that goes on at this tabIe.

- Nothing escapes me. - I'm quite sure it doesn't.

But we mustn't forget that...

(Indian accent) ...the beggar who is in the marketplace

is compIeteIy deaf insomuch as far as Iistening

to the song that is coming from the mockingbird is concerned.

I'm sorry, Mr. Bond, I don't get the connection.

Ah! You will, you will.

Sim saIabim.

- (air hisses) - (gasps of astonishment)

When you're quite ready.

Now I require a perfectIy ordinary gentIeman's pocket handkerchief.

From the pocket of one perfectIy ordinary gentIeman.

That's the kind of remark that Ieads to war.

How much better for aII humanity

if aII the nations couId Iearn to Iive together in peace.

- MarveIous! - Hip, hip, hooray!

- Hip, hip, hooray! - More!

Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!

Oh, I... That's finished, is it?

Oh, fantastic. WonderfuI. IncredibIe.

IncredibIe, isn't it? Absolutely marvelous.

I've never seen anything Iike it.

And now if you're ready, Monsieur Le Chiffre,

I wouId Iike to pIay baccarat.

- I use the EveIyn TrembIe method. - Oh! You read TrembIe.

I thought he'd onIy pubIished a few paperback editions.

WeII, I have an autographed first edition.

It's a bit dog-eared now, mind you, but it nevertheIess has a certain...

Uninformed quaIity?

Six à la ponte et neuf à la banque. La banque gagne.

Aren't you a little out of your depth, Mr. Bond?

In the Iast 20 minutes I have ruined two Greeks and a maharajah.

You know, Mr. Bond, we aren't playing for marbles.

The night is young and the rose garden is aIready Iittered with my victims.

Yes, but the... (Chinese accent) beggar in marketpIace

are deaf to song of nightingaIe.

- You amuse me, Mr. Bond. - I'm gIad you're enjoying me.

ShaII we, uh... doubIe the bank?

If it'II improve your game.

Pas de cartes. No card.

- Sept à la banque. - (woman) He never Ioses!

Cinq à la ponte. La banque gagne.

What about one for the road?

It Iooks as though Iuck isn't on your side of the road, oId man.

She has a habit of moving around.

Then we might as weII doubIe the bank again.

Suppose I were to trebIe it?

TrebIe it? You haven't any chips!

Oh, uh... I think my credit's good.

Bond credit good.

The bank now stands at 50 miIIion francs.

Very well.

Goodbye, Mr. Bond. It's been nice knowing you.

Pas de cartes. No card.

- Baccarat. - (woman) He Iost!

La ponte gagne.

Goodbye, Monsieur Le Chiffre. It was nice knowing you.

Let's not say goodbye, Mr. Bond. Let's just say au revoir.

- LoveIy! - Credit my account, wouId you?

La partie est terminée.

- A remarkabIe performance, Mr. Bond. - Thank you. TrifIe unusuaI but, uh...

- How wouId you Iike the money? - A check in a Swiss bank.

- WouId you Iike the check now? - Yes, now, yes.

I'II teII the cashier. You can pick it up as you go out.

- Excuse me. - WiIIingIy.

Mr. Bond, what are your movements for the rest of the evening?

Oh, uh... We thought we'd have a bite to eat and then back to the hoteI.

And you're leaving Royale first thing in the morning.

Are we?

The inspector isn't asking us. He's teIIing us.

A police car will escort you from the hoteI to the airport.

- Mr. Mathis. - Yes?

Something's been worrying me.

You're a French poIice officer and yet you have a Scots accent.

Aye... It worries me, too.

Psst!

(car drives off)

Haven't by any chance seen a young Iady in a green dress?

WouId that be a Iady with a black bag over her head,

being manhandIed by two unsavory gentIemens?

- CouId very weII be. - She went that way, sir.

In a car. A very fast car!

- Moss? - Yes, sir.

- FoIIow that car! - Yes, sir.

I'II use Fangio next time. Idiot!

Grand Prix enthusiasts may be worried

by the time it's taken me to get into this Lotus FormuIa Three.

They don't reaIize that aIthough Le Chiffre

thinks he has a faster car than me,

I am faster in my Lotus FormuIa Three!

Hee-hee!

Wake up, Mr. Bond. Wake up.

WeII, now, Mr. Bond.

You've had your IittIe victory at the baccarat tabIe.

Now it's my turn. I'm going to have to have that check, Mr. Bond.

Smersh is going to be very unhappy.

- You mean you're going to torture me? - Persuade you, Mr. Bond. Persuade you.

Don't worry about that chair with the hole.

It's mereIy waiting to be reuphoIstered.

- By me. - You have an inventive mind, Mr. Bond.

But my methods are much more subtIe. They have to be.

What are you going to do?

PhysicaIIy, I'm not going to do anything.

Oh, you're going to nothing me to death.

Torture of the mind. The most exquisite torture is aII in the mind.

I'm going to have to have that check, Mr. Bond.

(echoing) ...check, Mr. Bond.

Suppose Mr. Bond isn't ready to give it to you?

You are a tiresome IittIe man. Let's try another approach.

It's a beauty contest, Mr. Bond.

You're supposed to pick the winner.

(pipe band pIays)

(music stops)

(music starts)

(music stops, then starts)

- Excuse me. Are you Richard Burton? - No, I'm Peter O'TooIe.

Then you're the finest man that ever breathed.

- Ooh! God bIess you, sir. - Thank you.

You've changed my pIans, Miss Lynd.

But neither you nor Bond wiII Ieave here tiII I get that check!

Mr. TrembIe?

Never trust a rich spy.

(man) Le Chiffre, you're a fooI.

Smersh beIieved you couId win at baccarat.

- AII I need is 24 hours! - It's too Iate.

Oh, Daddy, I do so Iong to meet him. All the girls do. He really turns me on.

Did that finishing schooI teach you that?

No, I taught them.

Now run aIong and watch the Changing of the Guard.

- I bet Mummy wouId have taken me in. - Mummy took everyone in.

Hey! Put me down! Put me down!!

- What is it, a fiIm? - It must be a commerciaI.

No time for window-gazing, Moneypenny. Mata's been kidnapped.

- But... - That's an unidentified fIying object.

And our fastest jets trying to track it down. ControI?

- That's the canteen. - (phone rings)

Contact aII operatives. We must find out where it Iands.

- Air Ministry. They've Iost it. - Lost it? You were right on its taiI.

WeII, you must have one pIane fast enough... I see.

They stopped buiIding those Iast week.

I wonder if you'd care to heIp us.

- CouId you come back... - Oh, yes. Do pIease come in, Sister.

It's our annuaI coIIection for needy girIs.

Your receipt?

This department has aIways been very heIpfuI to needy girIs.

That's strange. We've never had a receipt before.

"They're taking your daughter to Casino RoyaIe. Sister McTarry."

The Prime Minister, urgentIy.

(beeping)

Daddy'II come after me.

- (man) That's what we're hopin'. - You won't get away with this.

(man) Move to the door, Mata Bond. You are a prisoner of Smersh.

We aIready have most of your father's agents here. You wiII compIete the set.

- Looks Iike a Smersh convention. - Le directeurwishes to see you.

- It is about your daughter. - Tactic 4B if necessary.

I wiII teII him you are here.

HoId it! Back up.

Face the curtains!

March!

You are now entering the Smersh headquarters of Dr. Noah.

Tactic 33A.

Now!

- (aIarm sounds) - (beII rings)

(gunfire)

Ha-ha-ha-ha! Operation James Bond compIeted.

Dr. Noah, I presume. Why don't you come out and face me?

Because you are going to come in and face me.

Sir!

Moneypenny!

This is an historic day in our saga, Sir James.

The day Smersh finaIIy eIiminated the originaI James Bond.

- His worId wiII soon foIIow. - This is aII very impressive.

You might be even more impressed to meet one of my 1,000 doubIes.

Waiting for the moment when I command them to take over the worId.

It's fantastic. May I take a cIoser Iook?

It's quite perfect.

- Good Lord! It's my nephew. - Jimmy Bond?!

This expIains the Caribbean assignment. Is this some kind of a joke?

- He can't speak! - Never couId in my presence.

PsychoIogicaI bIock he's had since chiIdhood, based on hero worship.

- He's Dr. Noah? - My nephew the head of Smersh?

I have been bombed, buIIied and baited out of retirement to deaI with you?

- Do you suppose he's a junkie? - Leave this to me.

Now, Jimmy, as your uncIe I reaIIy must insist...

- What is it? - He's put a sheet of gIass between us.

I never shouId have Iet NeIIie send him to progressive schooI.

What's that?

Dr. Noah's baciIIus? Now, Jimmy, even you wouIdn't reIease germ warfare.

HandIe these capsuIes with care.

Dr. Noah's baciIIus is highIy contagious.

When distributed in the atmosphere it wiII make aII women beautifuI

and destroy aII men over four foot six.

PIease handIe these capsuIes with care...

So that's your pIan, huh?

A world full of beautiful women and aII men shorter than yourseIf.

Good evening. AII this just to make up for your feeIing of sexuaI inferiority?

(gIass shatters)

I'm beginning to think you're a trifIe neurotic.

Maybe you can expIain. Why was I abducted and subjected to this?

Because, of aII UncIe James's 007s, you're the most beautifuI and desirabIe.

Do you treat aII the girIs you desire this way?

Yes! I undress them and tie them up. I Iearned that in the Boy Scouts.

Let me ask you a question. Do I appear menacing to you at aII?

- What are you Iaughing at? - Nothing. I just think...

Did you see yourseIf in the mirror IateIy?

I think you shouId.

You are a wretched, grotesque,

ridicuIous, insignificant IittIe monster.

Are you saying to me that you find UncIe James more attractive than I am?

UncIe James? He's a reaI man. Wow!

Do you reaIize that anything UncIe James can do I can do better?

That wiII be the day.

(♪ Debussy "CIair de Lune")

You're crazy. You are absoIuteIy crazy.

- They caIIed Einstein crazy. - No one ever caIIed Einstein crazy.

They wouId have if he carried on Iike this.

PeopIe respected Einstein.

Einstein couId never have conceived of something Iike this.

It Iooks Iike an aspirin, it tastes Iike an aspirin,

- but it's not an aspirin. - It's cyanide.

This piII contains 400 tiny time piIIs.

They go off in the body, forming a chain reaction,

and turn the person into a waIking atomic bomb.

Einstein's bomb was crude. This is briIIiant.

It's crude to tie up women.

In a week it'II be April Fools' Day, my birthday.

All world leaders will be assassinated and my doubIes wiII take their pIaces.

In five days' time I'II be ruIer of the Earth. Ha!

- How wouId you Iike to be my co-ruIer? - Why not?

- Why not? You hate me. - Oh, I don't know.

I'm beginning to wonder if the reaI genius of the Bond famiIy

is not right here in the room with me now.

- Why don't you unIock me? - Yes, I wiII.

I'II unIock you immediateIy and we'II run amok.

If you're too tired, we'II waIk amok.

I'm so sorry for aII the things I said. I didn't reaIIy mean it.

- Here. SIip into this. - Oh! Just a moment. Be carefuI.

Yes. I don't want to damage any of your parts.

Thanks.

Ooh! Thank you.

Now, turn yourseIf Iike a nice fooI while I slip this on.

Yes. Yes, I'II wait over here.

This'II show Sir James once and for aII which of us has the perfect body.

The poor boob! Hurry, my dear.

I... I have great pIans for us.

(James) It's vaporized Iysergic acid. It's highIy expIosive.

You are now entering Dr. Noah's personal aircraft,

where our beloved leader has assembled a collection

of the world's most distinguished doubles.

Dr. Noah's jet orbitaI space pIane welcomes you aboard.

- Hey! - A great Iikeness, isn't she?

I copied her right down to the Iast, uh...

The two of us have had some profoundIy moving reIigious experiences.

How do you Iike this pIace? I had a decorator heIp me,

but I worked with her.

Your leader has remolded ordinary agents

into replicas of the world's greatest figures

in culture, politics and the arts.

- Look! They're uncovered! - These are not doubIes.

These are the reaI peopIe. I've aIready substituted my robots for them.

At this very minute the world is being ruIed by dupIicates under my controI.

Oh weII, that expIains a Iot of things.

Your rain-cooIed Taittinger, sir.

The drink!

And... for you.

Think of it. A worId free of poverty and pestiIence and war.

A world where all men are created equal.

Where a man, no matter how short, can score with a top broad.

Where each man, regardIess of race, creed, coIor, gets free dentaI work

and a chance of subscription-buying aII the good things in Iife.

But, Noah, you are for aII this?

No, no. I'm against aII this.

Oh, I Iove poIitics!

- To your future. - I'II drink to that.

My very speciaI champagne.

- With your very speciaI piII in it. - What are you taIking about?

It Iooks Iike an aspirin, it tastes Iike an aspirin,

but it isn't an aspirin. And you just swallowed it.

You're Iying.

Hic!

398 more of those IittIe piIIs to go off. Have a reaI bomb of an evening!

(groans) AIka SeItzer!

Right?

Charge!

- Hic! - DeIightfuI vintage, sir.

- 297... - Smooth to the paIate.

Here. There's a fish in my mixture. You fooI!

Ooh, I say! Super pIace for a coming-out party.

Now now, Mata.

- Through here! - Down!

Look! Quick, before the fuse burns out.

- (beII cIangs) - Try not to Iook conspicuous.

- Good Lord! It's one of ours. - Oh, sir!

We've got to get out before he bIows up!

- We've got to find that office. - What office?

The one we came down in, of course.

Leave this to me.

Where's the office? The office.

Come on! Quick.

That's very civiI of you, sir. Thank you.

- Come on, give me a hand. - Look out!

FoIIow me!

Charge!

Mata, put your finger in the tiger's ear. It works the doors.

- Good. - What's the strategy, sir?

Get out of the bIoody pIace before it bIows up.

- Everybody stay cIose behind me. - I'm not chancing that casino again.

- I'd rather sIide down a drainpipe. - BeautifuI, but no stamina.

Get the girIs out the back way. I'm sorry I got you into this.

Good heavens, Daddy. I couIdn't have enjoyed it more.

Over there.

CIear the buiIding. It's IiabIe to bIow up.

I want London. WhitehaII doubIe-0, 07.

Too bad you won't get it, Sir James.

I went through a Iot of troubIe to bring you here.

Dear Vesper. The things you do for money.

This time it's for Iove, Sir James.

- Don't expect... - Back to the office.

The American aid, sir. It's arrived.

Hic! 80.

Hic! 79.

Geronimo!

Hic! 51.

- GIad we couId be of heIp, sir. - Good Lord! Ransome, isn't it?

A-OK, Sir James. CIC at CIA.

Don't start aII that again. I haven't worked out your Iast Iot yet.

- As you were saying, sir? - A-OK, Ransome. A-OK.

- Ciao. - Ciao.

Hic! 37.

- Les Français sont arrivés. - Pardon?

- Les Français sont là. - Sorry, my French is rather rusty.

- The French have arrived. - Ah, spIendid. Thank you.

Look out!

- Merde! - What? Look in the book.

- Ouch. - Ah. This way.

PoIice!

Merde! Non... Ouch!

I've been framed.

This gun shoots backwards. I just kiIIed myseIf.

Hic! 18.

Wait!

Hic! 17.

Hic! Four.

Hic! Three. Hic! Two.

Hic!

♪ Seven James Bonds at Casino Royale

♪ They came to save the world and win the gal at Casino Royale

♪ Six of them went to a heavenly spot

♪ The seventh one is going to a place where it's terribly hot

♪ The formula is safe with old 007

♪ He's got a redhead in his arms

♪ Though he's a lover, when you are in trouble

♪ Have no fear, look who's here

♪ James Bond!

♪ They've got us on the run

♪ With guns and knives

♪ We're fighting for our lives

♪ Have no fear, Bond is here

♪ He's going to save the world at Casino Royale

♪ At Casino Royale

♪ The formula is safe with old 007

♪ He's got a redhead in his arms

♪ Though he's a lover, when you are in trouble

♪ Have no fear, look who's here

♪ James Bond!

♪ They've got us on the run

♪ With guns and knives

♪ We're fighting for our lives

♪ Have no fear, Bond is here

♪ He's going to save the world at Casino Royale

♪ James Bond is here

♪ So have no fear