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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:41,963 --> 00:02:45,050 ♪ In the shuffling madness ♪ 2 00:02:45,550 --> 00:02:48,095 ♪ Of the locomotive breath ♪ 3 00:02:49,721 --> 00:02:53,225 ♪ Runs the all-time loser ♪ 4 00:02:53,308 --> 00:02:56,228 ♪ Headlong to his death ♪ 5 00:02:56,311 --> 00:03:00,148 ♪ Oh, he feels the piston scraping ♪ 6 00:03:00,232 --> 00:03:04,152 ♪ Steam breaking on his brow ♪ 7 00:03:04,236 --> 00:03:07,989 ♪ Old Charlie stole the handle ♪ 8 00:03:08,073 --> 00:03:13,578 ♪ And the train, it won't stop going No way to slow down ♪ 9 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,249 ♪ Oh-oh! ♪ 10 00:03:20,836 --> 00:03:23,171 ♪ He sees his children jumping off ♪ 11 00:03:24,089 --> 00:03:26,508 ♪ At stations one by one ♪ 12 00:03:27,926 --> 00:03:31,513 ♪ His woman and his best friend ♪ 13 00:03:31,596 --> 00:03:34,516 ♪ In bed and having fun ♪ 14 00:03:34,599 --> 00:03:38,437 ♪ Oh, he's crawling down the corridor ♪ 15 00:03:39,187 --> 00:03:41,940 ♪ On his hands and knees ♪ 16 00:03:42,607 --> 00:03:45,569 ♪ Old Charlie stole the handle ♪ 17 00:03:46,611 --> 00:03:49,322 ♪ And the train, it won't stop going ♪ 18 00:03:49,406 --> 00:03:51,533 ♪ No way to slow down ♪ 19 00:03:52,993 --> 00:03:55,746 ♪ Yeah-eah! ♪ 20 00:04:01,251 --> 00:04:02,127 ♪ Ow! ♪ 21 00:04:04,254 --> 00:04:07,466 Testing, testing. Mic testing. 22 00:04:08,341 --> 00:04:11,470 Check, one, two, one, two. Testing. 23 00:04:11,553 --> 00:04:15,724 Topping the preliminary round with 29 out of 30... 24 00:04:16,975 --> 00:04:21,938 Bangalore Uni A, represented by Naman Bala... 25 00:04:23,106 --> 00:04:25,108 Ramu Iyengar... 26 00:04:25,942 --> 00:04:27,652 Ilash Ismail... 27 00:04:27,736 --> 00:04:29,571 - Where's Ilash? 28 00:04:29,654 --> 00:04:32,657 - ...and Ajay Iyer. - Ajay. 29 00:04:34,117 --> 00:04:37,996 Will the team captain please come up for the draw of lots? 30 00:04:38,079 --> 00:04:40,415 B.U.B.U. 31 00:04:40,499 --> 00:04:42,209 Team captain? 32 00:04:43,210 --> 00:04:44,377 Hmm... 33 00:04:45,253 --> 00:04:48,799 Bangalore Uni A team has finally arrived. 34 00:04:49,925 --> 00:04:55,472 In the words of Shakespeare, better three hours too soon than a minute too late. 35 00:04:56,181 --> 00:04:59,059 You will have to sit in row six. 36 00:04:59,142 --> 00:05:03,855 We should have come for the draft lots. Row six is the worst strategically. 37 00:05:04,606 --> 00:05:08,193 Who cares where we sit? We'll win anyway. 38 00:05:08,276 --> 00:05:11,404 We have worse problems. Ilash is in Hyderabad. 39 00:05:11,488 --> 00:05:12,948 Good luck, Naman! 40 00:05:13,865 --> 00:05:16,493 There's your pet volcano, Stromboli. 41 00:05:16,576 --> 00:05:18,912 Go rape your cow, Ra-moo. 42 00:05:18,995 --> 00:05:22,541 Come on, ra. Give her Etna a chance. 43 00:05:22,624 --> 00:05:25,794 Yeah, cover the face, fire the base. 44 00:05:25,877 --> 00:05:28,088 Are all the teams complete? 45 00:05:34,636 --> 00:05:37,305 I have been preparing. I'll be very helpful, I promise. 46 00:05:37,389 --> 00:05:40,684 Just keep your mouth shut and we'll win, okay? 47 00:05:40,767 --> 00:05:43,979 --Bangalore Uni B. 48 00:05:44,062 --> 00:05:45,814 Back in the 18th century, 49 00:05:45,897 --> 00:05:51,236 Eton College had a grammar book which listed a set of words from Latin 50 00:05:51,319 --> 00:05:54,573 which all meant "of little or no value." 51 00:05:54,656 --> 00:05:59,160 As a joke, somebody put all four of these together and created a new word. 52 00:05:59,244 --> 00:06:05,584 The first recorded use is by William Shenstone in 1741. 53 00:06:05,667 --> 00:06:07,168 What is the word? 54 00:06:08,378 --> 00:06:10,839 Looks like our juniors have Calcutta ambitions. 55 00:06:11,631 --> 00:06:15,594 Why go all the way to Calcutta when the Black Hole of Bangalore is right here? 56 00:06:15,677 --> 00:06:17,178 Time is running out! 57 00:06:17,929 --> 00:06:21,600 The answer is floccinaucinihilipilification. 58 00:06:22,559 --> 00:06:24,269 Correct answer. 59 00:06:24,352 --> 00:06:26,896 Bangalore B are the leaders now. 60 00:06:28,189 --> 00:06:32,819 And now for the ultimate question to decide the winner. 61 00:06:33,653 --> 00:06:39,367 Gerald Rusgrove and Charles founded a publishing house in 1908. 62 00:06:39,451 --> 00:06:42,996 Today they dominate a particular genre. 63 00:06:43,079 --> 00:06:48,168 The company is named after their famous surname. Name the company. 64 00:06:49,002 --> 00:06:51,338 -Simon & Schuster? -Hodder & Stoughton? 65 00:06:51,421 --> 00:06:54,507 They don't dominate any particular genre. 66 00:06:57,093 --> 00:07:01,348 Bangalore University A, do we have an answer? 67 00:07:04,309 --> 00:07:06,353 Is it Mills & Boon? Romance? 68 00:07:07,270 --> 00:07:09,230 It is... 69 00:07:12,609 --> 00:07:13,777 indeed! 70 00:07:15,987 --> 00:07:21,826 Bangalore Uni A are the winners of this quiz contest, 71 00:07:21,910 --> 00:07:27,290 and will represent us at the All India Quiz Competition in Calcutta. 72 00:07:27,374 --> 00:07:29,167 --Thank you. 73 00:07:36,049 --> 00:07:38,802 -Naman. -We won book coupons worth 750 rupees. 74 00:07:38,885 --> 00:07:40,261 That's your share. 75 00:07:40,345 --> 00:07:44,557 No, that's not necessary. It was my honor to be in the quiz with you. 76 00:07:48,269 --> 00:07:50,480 I insist. After all-- 77 00:07:50,563 --> 00:07:54,526 Listen, Ash, we have 500 worth of book coupons between the three of us. 78 00:07:54,609 --> 00:07:57,904 We'll sell it to you at the usual discount. 300? 79 00:07:57,988 --> 00:08:00,323 Done. But on one condition. 80 00:08:00,407 --> 00:08:02,659 I get to come with you guys wherever you are drinking tonight. 81 00:08:02,742 --> 00:08:05,453 Forget it. We'll find somebody else. 82 00:08:05,537 --> 00:08:06,955 No, no, no, no, no. 83 00:08:07,706 --> 00:08:10,083 I always keep cash handy for your coupons. 84 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:22,721 Bye. 85 00:08:29,811 --> 00:08:32,147 Sure you don't want a lift to the dhaba? 86 00:08:32,230 --> 00:08:34,482 -Ajay isn't dead. -Yet. 87 00:08:42,741 --> 00:08:44,451 Hey, you, junior! 88 00:08:52,125 --> 00:08:53,376 What's your name? 89 00:08:55,420 --> 00:08:57,797 -Randeep. -Randy! 90 00:09:04,637 --> 00:09:07,807 I, uh... I don't really drink. 91 00:09:07,891 --> 00:09:10,185 Nonsense. Everybody drinks. 92 00:09:10,268 --> 00:09:11,728 It's like fucking. 93 00:09:11,811 --> 00:09:13,897 Once your dick is inside the hole, 94 00:09:13,980 --> 00:09:17,233 it goes all the way up to the cervix, prompting the inevitable-- 95 00:09:17,317 --> 00:09:18,651 Cervix with a smile. 96 00:09:22,197 --> 00:09:24,783 Chairs! 97 00:09:27,827 --> 00:09:31,039 -Bangalore University, bottoms up. -B.U.B.U. 98 00:09:32,123 --> 00:09:33,249 Go! 99 00:09:38,755 --> 00:09:41,800 -Naman seven secs, Ajay nine secs. -And Randy, no sex. 100 00:09:42,634 --> 00:09:45,095 -Bravo. -Garçon. 101 00:09:51,768 --> 00:09:54,395 What ra, dei? That would have bought an extra pitcher. 102 00:09:54,479 --> 00:09:56,981 Brahmans must be magnanimous to the servant classes 103 00:09:57,065 --> 00:09:59,734 - to preserve the natural order of things. - Correct. 104 00:09:59,818 --> 00:10:02,278 If everybody gets degrees, who will clean our toilets? 105 00:10:02,362 --> 00:10:05,615 In our village, even if an untouchable's shadow touches my grandfather, 106 00:10:05,698 --> 00:10:07,200 he has to have a bath. 107 00:10:08,701 --> 00:10:09,786 The boy speaks. 108 00:10:13,957 --> 00:10:17,293 Trichinopolies. As smoked by Sherlock Holmes. 109 00:10:20,588 --> 00:10:22,924 OK, guys, I have to leave. My father will be waiting. 110 00:10:23,007 --> 00:10:26,970 Ever wondered why the back of Ramu's neck is black? 111 00:10:27,053 --> 00:10:31,558 When Ramu was born, his father rubbed his dick on the back of his neck. 112 00:10:39,274 --> 00:10:44,028 Randy. If you continue to be this correct blend of slavish deference 113 00:10:44,112 --> 00:10:48,199 and obsequiousness to God, i.e. me, 114 00:10:48,283 --> 00:10:51,244 who knows, someday you could be our quiz team fourth. 115 00:10:53,079 --> 00:10:58,376 -But I'm in Tina's team-- -Tina, Beena? Who cares? All cunts. 116 00:10:59,419 --> 00:11:02,130 Stay second all your life, by all means. 117 00:11:02,839 --> 00:11:03,965 It's your choice. 118 00:11:06,718 --> 00:11:07,886 Well? 119 00:11:22,650 --> 00:11:24,444 -He's done a George. -Horses for courses. 120 00:11:24,527 --> 00:11:25,528 Neigh! 121 00:11:29,532 --> 00:11:32,619 You won't be allowed into Valhalla if you don't know the argot. 122 00:11:34,078 --> 00:11:36,456 I'll give you a clue. Painter. 123 00:11:36,539 --> 00:11:40,460 John Stubbs. British painter best known for his paintings of horses. 124 00:11:40,543 --> 00:11:44,672 So when you "do a George," you stub out a cigar. 125 00:11:46,424 --> 00:11:49,052 May the horse be with you. 126 00:11:58,686 --> 00:12:01,773 A beaker full of the warm south for the lad here. 127 00:12:04,233 --> 00:12:06,945 But you're not allowed to vomit on the tree. 128 00:12:08,696 --> 00:12:15,536 But if you must, precision is key, oh dilated pupil. 129 00:12:58,037 --> 00:13:04,585 As it says in the holy Gita, "tranquility, restraint, 130 00:13:04,669 --> 00:13:10,967 austerity, purity, forgiveness, uprightness... 131 00:13:11,801 --> 00:13:15,930 knowledge, wisdom and faith in God 132 00:13:16,014 --> 00:13:18,141 are the duties of the Brahmans... 133 00:13:19,350 --> 00:13:21,477 born of our innate nature." 134 00:13:58,556 --> 00:13:59,557 Naman. 135 00:14:45,019 --> 00:14:47,480 I feel like a new hermaphrodite again. 136 00:14:47,563 --> 00:14:53,069 ♪ Well, show me the way to the next whiskey bar ♪ 137 00:14:53,152 --> 00:14:55,905 ♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪ 138 00:14:55,988 --> 00:14:58,825 ♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪ 139 00:14:58,908 --> 00:15:04,414 ♪ Show me the way to the next whiskey bar ♪ 140 00:15:04,497 --> 00:15:07,291 ♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪ 141 00:15:07,375 --> 00:15:10,169 ♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪ 142 00:15:10,253 --> 00:15:15,425 ♪ For if we don't find the next whiskey bar ♪ 143 00:15:15,508 --> 00:15:18,094 ♪ I tell you we must die ♪ 144 00:15:18,177 --> 00:15:20,888 ♪ I tell you we must die ♪ 145 00:15:20,972 --> 00:15:26,269 ♪ I tell you, I tell you, I tell you we must die ♪ 146 00:15:35,361 --> 00:15:38,573 Welcome back to Cos Theta Quiz Contest. 147 00:15:38,656 --> 00:15:41,993 I am Brian D'Costa, and my next question is... 148 00:15:54,755 --> 00:15:57,216 I'm ready to marry her for a week. 149 00:16:04,891 --> 00:16:07,768 Aureolae, my friend. 150 00:16:08,895 --> 00:16:10,897 God is in the aureolae. 151 00:16:16,319 --> 00:16:18,863 ♪ I'm Henry VIII, I am ♪ 152 00:16:18,946 --> 00:16:21,449 ♪ Henry VIII, I am, I am ♪ 153 00:16:21,532 --> 00:16:24,202 ♪ I got married to the widow next door ♪ 154 00:16:24,285 --> 00:16:26,454 ♪ And she's been married seven times before ♪ 155 00:16:26,537 --> 00:16:28,664 - Henry! - Waste fuckers. 156 00:16:28,748 --> 00:16:31,209 What ra cripple? Bull broke your leg? 157 00:16:33,669 --> 00:16:34,670 Hey! 158 00:16:34,754 --> 00:16:36,672 -Show me that. -I'm having her tonight. 159 00:16:36,756 --> 00:16:38,925 Why don't we all go and look at it at my place? 160 00:16:39,008 --> 00:16:41,344 No, no, no, no. No. No. 161 00:16:41,427 --> 00:16:42,970 We have to prepare for tomorrow's quiz. 162 00:16:47,808 --> 00:16:50,102 - Henry. - A trick. 163 00:16:50,978 --> 00:16:53,773 When you've finished, let go of your dick when you cum. 164 00:16:55,233 --> 00:17:01,531 Cover your face, then you watch your dick. Like an electric meter, it will flick. 165 00:17:06,118 --> 00:17:09,539 What ra, Naman? We all could have magazined at Henry's house. 166 00:17:09,622 --> 00:17:12,625 - His sofa is full of cum. 167 00:17:16,879 --> 00:17:18,256 Oh, no. 168 00:17:18,339 --> 00:17:21,717 - -♪ Oh, no, not again ♪ 169 00:17:22,718 --> 00:17:26,556 ♪ It hurts so good I don't understand ♪ 170 00:17:26,639 --> 00:17:28,599 ♪ Infatuation ♪ 171 00:17:31,477 --> 00:17:33,437 ♪ Infatuation ♪ 172 00:17:35,481 --> 00:17:37,567 - ♪ Infatuation ♪ 173 00:17:39,902 --> 00:17:41,654 ♪ Infatuation ♪ 174 00:17:44,574 --> 00:17:46,826 - -♪ Infatuation ♪ 175 00:17:47,952 --> 00:17:50,288 -♪ Infatuation ♪ -Chee chee, Ramu. 176 00:17:51,330 --> 00:17:54,625 - Nice arse. - You will not, none of you, 177 00:17:54,709 --> 00:17:58,170 refer to your future sister-in-law in a sexual manner ever again. 178 00:17:58,254 --> 00:18:00,006 Ramu! Understood? 179 00:19:29,512 --> 00:19:31,180 Naman? 180 00:19:57,832 --> 00:20:01,127 You must be wondering what The Merchant of Venice has to do with Hamlet. 181 00:20:01,210 --> 00:20:05,381 You see, this Polonius is a dirty fellow. 182 00:20:05,464 --> 00:20:07,091 Very shallow. 183 00:20:07,174 --> 00:20:11,011 What he doesn't know is that is if he spits into the air... pooo! 184 00:20:16,934 --> 00:20:18,853 Hey, maths motherfucker. 185 00:20:21,272 --> 00:20:23,357 To what do we owe this dubious honor? 186 00:20:23,441 --> 00:20:27,737 I was in the vicinity, so I thought I'd come see if you're around. 187 00:20:27,820 --> 00:20:33,033 Now that you have drunk your ocular fill, wench, a swift departure mayhaps. 188 00:20:33,117 --> 00:20:35,828 Miles to go? Promises to keep? 189 00:20:35,911 --> 00:20:38,706 - But I... - So, handicap. 190 00:20:38,789 --> 00:20:42,501 - Ilash. - Who came second in the quiz? 191 00:20:42,585 --> 00:20:44,462 -The junior team. -Oh... 192 00:20:44,545 --> 00:20:47,256 Let me tell you what happened to my junior. 193 00:20:47,339 --> 00:20:52,011 I was coming back from Hyderabad on a train, AC first class, of course, 194 00:20:52,094 --> 00:20:55,431 and there she was, on the lower berth. 195 00:20:55,514 --> 00:20:58,934 It was lights out, so I put my reading lights on 196 00:20:59,018 --> 00:21:04,440 and I looked down through the curtains and she is staring straight back at me. 197 00:21:06,442 --> 00:21:09,403 So I pull back, I'm reading my book. 198 00:21:10,196 --> 00:21:11,989 She climbs up... 199 00:21:12,823 --> 00:21:17,369 and she's... all over me, OK? 200 00:21:19,497 --> 00:21:21,916 She's rubbing. 201 00:21:23,667 --> 00:21:26,212 She's rubbing herself. 202 00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:48,651 Where has that fellow gone? 203 00:21:48,734 --> 00:21:51,695 I'm sure he's taken our ticket money and run. 204 00:21:51,779 --> 00:21:53,697 Have faith, grasshopper. 205 00:21:53,781 --> 00:21:55,157 There he is. 206 00:22:08,754 --> 00:22:09,755 Thank you, uncle. 207 00:22:09,839 --> 00:22:11,757 Your seats are right next to mine. 208 00:22:15,511 --> 00:22:17,096 I feel violated. 209 00:22:19,849 --> 00:22:21,517 Isn't there a law against visual rape? 210 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,603 In that case, we would all be doing ten to 20. 211 00:22:52,339 --> 00:22:53,382 Ramu. 212 00:22:57,970 --> 00:22:59,138 Appa. 213 00:22:59,221 --> 00:23:00,431 Get in. 214 00:23:09,857 --> 00:23:14,069 You have to do everything possible to endear us of Ramu's dad, don't you? 215 00:23:30,836 --> 00:23:35,716 "My love is like a red, red rose that is newly sprung in June. 216 00:23:36,342 --> 00:23:39,386 My love is like a melody that is sweetly played in tune." 217 00:23:40,179 --> 00:23:41,639 To the chariot! 218 00:23:45,934 --> 00:23:48,604 -What am I supposed to do? -Exist. 219 00:24:29,770 --> 00:24:32,731 - D'Souza, she's not a Brahman. - So? 220 00:24:32,815 --> 00:24:35,734 - She's not even a Hindu. - So? 221 00:24:35,818 --> 00:24:37,319 She's a Christian, ra. 222 00:24:38,237 --> 00:24:41,532 In Brahman tradition, one would conjoin with the servant classes 223 00:24:41,615 --> 00:24:44,493 in order to transfer our sins to them, because they are fucked anyway. 224 00:24:44,576 --> 00:24:46,161 Justification. 225 00:24:47,037 --> 00:24:50,457 You know how the Jesuits forcibly converted most of us to Christianity? 226 00:24:50,541 --> 00:24:53,711 -Her grandparents are probably Brahman. -Justification. 227 00:24:54,586 --> 00:24:56,797 The scriptures say that the role of a Brahman 228 00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,049 is to uplift the downtrodden classes. 229 00:24:59,133 --> 00:25:01,385 Miss D'Souza will be my project. 230 00:25:01,468 --> 00:25:03,178 Infatuation. 231 00:25:11,478 --> 00:25:15,274 Dear Rita, shall I compare thee to a summer's day? 232 00:25:15,357 --> 00:25:17,317 But then I'm not the Bard. 233 00:25:17,401 --> 00:25:21,530 Interestingly, did you know that Colonel Gaddafi of Libya 234 00:25:21,613 --> 00:25:24,408 claimed that William Shakespeare was actually a Muslim Libyan 235 00:25:24,491 --> 00:25:26,118 named Wali Miya Sheikh Zubair. 236 00:25:28,871 --> 00:25:32,958 There is also loose talk that a certain Sheshappa Iyer, a Brahman from Mysore, 237 00:25:33,041 --> 00:25:35,419 went to England and authored the plays. 238 00:25:37,796 --> 00:25:39,506 But enough of Avon. 239 00:25:39,590 --> 00:25:45,095 The Butler, in his immortal piece of poesy titled, rather appropriately, 240 00:25:45,179 --> 00:25:47,431 A Drinking Song, he quoth... 241 00:25:50,184 --> 00:25:51,935 Thank you, Father. 242 00:25:59,276 --> 00:26:00,277 Thank you, Mother. 243 00:26:08,744 --> 00:26:12,456 D'Souza, P... D'Souza, P... 244 00:26:12,539 --> 00:26:14,500 ♪ Hello, operator ♪ 245 00:26:14,583 --> 00:26:18,170 ♪ You know that I've been waiting on this call, da, da, da ♪ 246 00:26:18,253 --> 00:26:20,756 - ♪ I said hey, operator... ♪ - Bingo! 247 00:26:22,007 --> 00:26:25,344 ♪ You make me nervous cos the line's engaged ♪ 248 00:26:25,427 --> 00:26:28,388 ♪ I can't believe we let it get to this stage ♪ 249 00:26:28,472 --> 00:26:30,557 -♪ Sitting here-- ♪ -Shh! Shh! Shh! 250 00:26:31,308 --> 00:26:32,726 Hello. Hi, Rita. 251 00:26:32,810 --> 00:26:34,895 Rita, Gita or Sita... 252 00:26:34,978 --> 00:26:38,941 You boys are just going to... beat-a your meat-a. 253 00:26:42,486 --> 00:26:45,656 Ronnie! Ronnie! Ronnie! Ronnie! 254 00:26:49,535 --> 00:26:51,787 Devastating wit. I'm impressed. 255 00:26:51,870 --> 00:26:56,208 Smart boy. But while you guys were busy polishing your pathetic one-liners, 256 00:26:56,291 --> 00:27:00,128 -we just won the cricket championship. -Let joy be unconfined. 257 00:27:00,212 --> 00:27:02,589 Tell me one physical activity that you guys can do better than us. 258 00:27:02,673 --> 00:27:05,092 -Consume alcohol. -In industrial quantities. 259 00:27:06,677 --> 00:27:08,637 -Done. It's a challenge. -A royal challenge? 260 00:27:09,930 --> 00:27:11,974 Tomorrow at home, our victory party. 261 00:27:12,057 --> 00:27:15,477 Get yourselves to Sadashivnagar and ask anyone for Palace Tower. 262 00:27:15,561 --> 00:27:18,438 -Then see whose is bigger. -We don't go for half measures. 263 00:27:18,522 --> 00:27:21,483 Ronnie, I'm hungry. 264 00:27:21,567 --> 00:27:23,110 Burger? 265 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:33,078 -I can't believe we get the brains-- -And they get the girls. 266 00:27:33,161 --> 00:27:36,748 That too, Coco-panties herself. 267 00:27:36,832 --> 00:27:39,835 Many a boat has sailed up that coconut lagoon. 268 00:28:00,397 --> 00:28:01,940 Rich bastard. 269 00:28:03,859 --> 00:28:08,155 Ramu, "a man of wealth has many enemies, 270 00:28:08,238 --> 00:28:10,866 while a man of knowledge has many friends." 271 00:28:22,878 --> 00:28:25,130 Oh-ho-ho-ho! 272 00:28:25,213 --> 00:28:29,801 So kind of you all to drag yourselves away from your busy schedules. 273 00:28:29,885 --> 00:28:31,261 Must have been a drag. 274 00:28:32,262 --> 00:28:34,097 Ever used one of these babies before? 275 00:28:34,181 --> 00:28:37,476 -You have overcompensation issues. -So you don't know how to use it? 276 00:28:37,559 --> 00:28:39,436 Just pose. 277 00:28:39,519 --> 00:28:40,979 Girls... 278 00:28:46,318 --> 00:28:49,780 So what do you think of the old pad? Pretty impressive, huh? 279 00:28:50,697 --> 00:28:53,909 -Very Las Vegas. -Dad's favorite city. We go every year. 280 00:28:53,992 --> 00:28:56,578 And where do you go for your hols, big boy? 281 00:28:57,955 --> 00:29:01,083 I must inform you that we have an excellent bovine maintenance-- 282 00:29:01,166 --> 00:29:04,878 A cow farm? Ramu goes to a cow farm! 283 00:29:04,962 --> 00:29:07,589 I also heard you rape your cows. 284 00:29:07,673 --> 00:29:09,508 That's our joke. 285 00:29:09,591 --> 00:29:12,928 Here, have a drink. Better than your normal swill, I'm sure. 286 00:29:14,346 --> 00:29:16,848 -B.U.B.U. -What else? 287 00:29:20,894 --> 00:29:23,897 Do you do everything so fast? 288 00:29:23,981 --> 00:29:26,233 He wouldn't know, baby. He's never done it. 289 00:29:27,901 --> 00:29:29,361 Those who can't drink should not throw stones. 290 00:29:29,444 --> 00:29:32,072 OK, bugger, put your mouth where the bottle is. 291 00:29:35,826 --> 00:29:37,953 Praemonitus, praemunitus. 292 00:29:38,036 --> 00:29:39,663 -Huh? -Forewarned is forearmed. 293 00:29:39,746 --> 00:29:43,458 Treatises of Fistula, circa 1425, J. Arderne. 294 00:29:43,542 --> 00:29:47,212 -Also Don Quixote's Cervantes-- -Just shut up and drink, quiz fucks. 295 00:30:01,393 --> 00:30:02,728 Drinks, I say! 296 00:30:17,242 --> 00:30:18,577 I think my father is calling me. 297 00:30:30,630 --> 00:30:31,631 Look what I found. 298 00:30:32,924 --> 00:30:34,801 Naman takes the bottle... 299 00:30:35,969 --> 00:30:38,472 uncorks it... 300 00:30:39,473 --> 00:30:42,059 and sniffs it deeply. 301 00:30:44,353 --> 00:30:48,190 A deep, rich and complex nose. 302 00:30:50,817 --> 00:30:52,819 -Dry orange peel. -Mmm. 303 00:30:53,945 --> 00:30:55,530 Espresso. 304 00:30:56,198 --> 00:30:59,868 And incandescent notes of Gruyère and smoked Parma ham. 305 00:30:59,951 --> 00:31:01,828 But you're vegetarian. 306 00:31:07,334 --> 00:31:10,003 I'm married. So... 307 00:31:11,922 --> 00:31:15,133 -You flick, I'll click. -OK! 308 00:31:22,349 --> 00:31:23,725 I can't do it. 309 00:31:26,937 --> 00:31:29,731 - It's the fault of our caste. 310 00:31:29,815 --> 00:31:31,566 Why are we Brahmans so conservative? 311 00:31:32,567 --> 00:31:36,321 Oh, for a bit of Labour in these Tory times! 312 00:31:37,072 --> 00:31:39,408 Such a waste! 313 00:31:43,662 --> 00:31:48,333 There is, however, another course of action. 314 00:32:04,015 --> 00:32:04,975 So! 315 00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:08,728 -Back again from Hyderabad? -On a plane. 316 00:32:09,479 --> 00:32:11,273 Business class, of course. 317 00:32:11,356 --> 00:32:14,943 There was this, uh... mwah! ...girl next to me. 318 00:32:15,026 --> 00:32:18,530 -So you started feeling her up. -Why didn't you fuck? 319 00:32:19,656 --> 00:32:21,116 Who said I didn't? 320 00:32:21,867 --> 00:32:23,493 There was this toilet. 321 00:32:23,577 --> 00:32:26,413 -And you joined the mile-high club. -Coffee, tea or me? 322 00:32:26,496 --> 00:32:29,458 The uninhibited memoirs of two airline stewardesses. 323 00:32:29,541 --> 00:32:31,084 -Rachel Jones. -Trudy Baker. 324 00:32:31,168 --> 00:32:35,297 No, no, I used a Pleasure Sutra condom. 325 00:32:37,174 --> 00:32:39,342 - God promise. 326 00:32:44,473 --> 00:32:48,185 Wow, you guys are actually attending class. 327 00:32:49,519 --> 00:32:52,939 -It's Wednesday. -Coco-panties day. 328 00:32:53,023 --> 00:32:55,650 What is the color of the color TV? 329 00:33:28,767 --> 00:33:30,769 I say white. 330 00:33:30,852 --> 00:33:33,313 I'm a dirty fellow, so I would say yellow. 331 00:33:33,396 --> 00:33:36,441 -Pink. Think pink. -Red. 332 00:33:45,534 --> 00:33:49,496 Class. Today, that sonnet without equal. The esteemed... 333 00:33:49,579 --> 00:33:52,541 "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? 334 00:33:52,624 --> 00:33:56,253 Thou art more lovely and more temperate. 335 00:33:56,336 --> 00:33:59,631 Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, 336 00:33:59,714 --> 00:34:03,385 and summer's lease hath all too short a date." 337 00:34:03,468 --> 00:34:07,556 And your lease will also expire shortly if you don't stop that infernal giggling. 338 00:34:09,182 --> 00:34:12,602 In that case, my darling buds of May, kindly pollinate away. 339 00:34:13,895 --> 00:34:17,607 This is a first. Ronnie wanting to contribute to a class. 340 00:34:17,691 --> 00:34:20,026 -Speak! -Or forever hold your piss. 341 00:34:20,110 --> 00:34:22,153 Quiz team, out now. 342 00:34:22,237 --> 00:34:27,659 Sir, by "pollinate away," are you asking the girls to eff off? 343 00:34:27,742 --> 00:34:29,494 Your private tuitions are helping. 344 00:34:30,912 --> 00:34:33,456 "Exit stage right, pursued by bear." 345 00:34:33,540 --> 00:34:35,959 Looks like the cricket team comes in a package deal. 346 00:34:36,042 --> 00:34:38,128 Good things come in big packages. 347 00:34:39,170 --> 00:34:42,465 You can touch my silly point with your fine leg any time. 348 00:34:46,428 --> 00:34:49,556 Your middle stump is very long. 349 00:34:49,639 --> 00:34:52,350 The stitches on your balls seem quite nice. 350 00:34:56,354 --> 00:34:59,482 I'm sure you had something to do with this. Thanks. 351 00:34:59,566 --> 00:35:02,485 Oh, and uh, enjoy your pocket billiards. 352 00:35:12,037 --> 00:35:13,705 Fucking lounge lizards. 353 00:35:16,833 --> 00:35:20,003 ♪ Oh, you asshole ♪ 354 00:35:20,086 --> 00:35:23,673 ♪ Completely loathsome pain in the bum ♪ 355 00:35:27,344 --> 00:35:30,722 ♪ Brahman Naman Fuck you up ♪ 356 00:35:32,182 --> 00:35:35,226 Enough is enough. Let's call Henry. 357 00:35:42,067 --> 00:35:44,027 Coming, coming! 358 00:35:45,820 --> 00:35:46,946 Coming. 359 00:35:48,156 --> 00:35:50,075 "Coming, coming." 360 00:35:50,158 --> 00:35:52,535 Save some cum for the bitches! 361 00:35:52,619 --> 00:35:55,080 A man and his cum are soon parted. 362 00:35:56,081 --> 00:35:59,209 Something to get us in the mood. 363 00:35:59,292 --> 00:36:01,044 What mood? 364 00:36:01,127 --> 00:36:05,173 All you need is a hooker and a hard-on. 365 00:36:09,302 --> 00:36:15,308 ♪ Well, show me the way to the next little girl ♪ 366 00:36:15,392 --> 00:36:18,061 ♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪ 367 00:36:18,144 --> 00:36:20,605 ♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪ 368 00:36:20,689 --> 00:36:25,819 ♪ Just show me the way to the next little girl... ♪ 369 00:36:28,822 --> 00:36:31,241 I always like a starter before the main course. 370 00:36:31,324 --> 00:36:33,284 Best way to start innings. 371 00:36:35,954 --> 00:36:40,125 50 rupees lollipop. 75 rupees mouthwash. 100 rupees full. 372 00:36:40,208 --> 00:36:42,085 Lollipop. Get inside. 373 00:36:47,048 --> 00:36:49,426 No, no, no, stay! 374 00:36:49,509 --> 00:36:52,929 When stadium is full, batsman always performs better. Come on. 375 00:37:26,463 --> 00:37:28,798 Give me 75 rupees, mouthwash. 376 00:37:29,632 --> 00:37:31,384 Fifty-one secs! 377 00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:51,988 Now, your chance. 378 00:37:57,535 --> 00:38:00,163 -This is it, boys. -Uh, Henry... 379 00:38:00,246 --> 00:38:03,249 Hey! You Brahman boys have got the guts or no? 380 00:38:03,333 --> 00:38:05,084 Maybe for safety's sake, just a lollipop. 381 00:38:05,168 --> 00:38:07,378 Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome and all that. 382 00:38:09,172 --> 00:38:12,717 Your money, your choice. Come. 383 00:38:24,938 --> 00:38:25,939 Uh... 384 00:38:26,022 --> 00:38:32,362 My friends, uh, they want blowjobs, mouthwash, lollipop. 385 00:38:36,115 --> 00:38:37,826 What friends? Huh? 386 00:38:45,750 --> 00:38:47,585 Uh... Blowjob? 387 00:39:32,130 --> 00:39:34,173 Did you know that this area was gerrymandered? 388 00:39:34,257 --> 00:39:35,508 Gerry who? 389 00:39:36,217 --> 00:39:38,595 Named after Massachusetts governor Elbridge Gerry, 390 00:39:38,678 --> 00:39:40,305 who manipulated his electoral district 391 00:39:40,388 --> 00:39:42,348 so that the people who voted for him the last time 392 00:39:42,432 --> 00:39:44,309 voted in a block for him the next time. 393 00:39:44,392 --> 00:39:46,477 And cut away the people who did not vote for him, 394 00:39:46,561 --> 00:39:49,564 -and put them into another district. -Correct. 395 00:39:50,064 --> 00:39:55,403 They did the same thing here to prevent the Muslim candidate from winning again, 396 00:39:55,486 --> 00:39:58,615 adding a large Hindu majority block to dilute the vote. 397 00:39:59,449 --> 00:40:00,950 What? 398 00:40:01,034 --> 00:40:04,370 Right now we could have been in between the thighs of whores, 399 00:40:04,454 --> 00:40:06,164 losing our virginities. 400 00:40:06,247 --> 00:40:08,625 And here we are trading electoral trivia. 401 00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:13,588 That at all we have, Ajay. 402 00:40:15,715 --> 00:40:17,175 Trivia. 403 00:40:19,427 --> 00:40:20,261 Correct. 404 00:40:23,806 --> 00:40:28,353 Rubber On. Set up in the year 1972, 405 00:40:28,436 --> 00:40:33,191 with a dogged determination to achieve world-class standards, 406 00:40:33,274 --> 00:40:38,196 Rubber On is India's finest rubberized coil mattress. 407 00:40:38,279 --> 00:40:41,366 With technology imported from Austria, 408 00:40:41,449 --> 00:40:45,161 a dedicated workforce of more than 70, 409 00:40:45,244 --> 00:40:50,708 Rubber On strives to be the mattress of copulation to the nation's population. 410 00:40:50,792 --> 00:40:54,921 A mattress that always ensures a healthy hump, 411 00:40:55,004 --> 00:41:00,259 optimizing orgasm frequency and facilitating fluid flow. 412 00:41:00,343 --> 00:41:03,179 As is said by the holy Rita, 413 00:41:03,262 --> 00:41:08,559 a bed with the best booby bounce results in deeper penetration. 414 00:41:08,643 --> 00:41:12,814 Rubbing, rubbing, rubbing. 415 00:41:12,897 --> 00:41:15,900 Who do you think I built up the business for? 416 00:41:18,486 --> 00:41:21,781 After my retirement, Rubber On will be only for you. 417 00:41:21,864 --> 00:41:23,992 Coffee? Buttermilk? 418 00:41:24,075 --> 00:41:27,078 -Half a cup for me. -Nothing for me, Ma. 419 00:41:27,161 --> 00:41:31,958 When I was your age, I used to wake up at 4 a.m., milk the cows, 420 00:41:32,041 --> 00:41:36,921 wake up my brothers, make myself coffee, have a bath, 421 00:41:37,005 --> 00:41:40,508 then go all the way to the Christian house to give their children maths tuition. 422 00:41:40,591 --> 00:41:43,803 -Then I would-- -Go to grandfather's accountancy firm. 423 00:41:43,886 --> 00:41:45,388 Tell me something new, Appa. 424 00:41:45,471 --> 00:41:48,683 Hard work was our only ethic. 425 00:41:48,766 --> 00:41:51,144 And here you are drunk every night. 426 00:41:51,227 --> 00:41:53,479 You worked so hard so that I wouldn't have to, Appa. 427 00:41:53,563 --> 00:41:55,940 Plus I'm paying for my drinks with my own quizzing money. 428 00:41:56,024 --> 00:41:58,735 Quizzing? What will happen after college? 429 00:41:58,818 --> 00:42:02,697 Will your quizzing feed you for the rest of your life? 430 00:42:02,780 --> 00:42:06,868 To keep up with the times, I'm importing new machinery from Austria. 431 00:42:06,951 --> 00:42:09,579 The unique feature of this main sheeting plant 432 00:42:09,662 --> 00:42:13,499 is that it facilitates vertical fiber orientation. 433 00:42:13,583 --> 00:42:18,921 A process that results in the deeper penetration of the latex into the sheet, 434 00:42:19,005 --> 00:42:21,382 making it very classic. 435 00:42:21,466 --> 00:42:25,470 This provides the mattress with a uniform density throughout 436 00:42:25,553 --> 00:42:28,181 and an extra cushioning effect. 437 00:42:28,264 --> 00:42:32,018 There you have a mattress that is healthy for your back. 438 00:42:33,352 --> 00:42:36,230 What? Time for another quiz? 439 00:42:36,314 --> 00:42:37,774 Calcutta, Appa. 440 00:42:51,162 --> 00:42:52,705 Naman! 441 00:42:55,041 --> 00:42:57,251 - Naman. - What? 442 00:42:58,294 --> 00:43:01,756 I just came to wish you good luck. And goodbye. 443 00:43:01,839 --> 00:43:06,928 Well, you have. Therefore, dasvidanya, arrivederci. 444 00:43:08,054 --> 00:43:10,181 Is there anything you need for the journey? 445 00:43:10,264 --> 00:43:11,516 No. 446 00:43:12,683 --> 00:43:15,603 Actually, yes. Come with me. 447 00:43:17,230 --> 00:43:18,397 Hello, Ash. 448 00:43:27,323 --> 00:43:30,493 Ask for Rita. It's easy if it's a girl's voice. 449 00:43:33,037 --> 00:43:36,165 Hello. May I speak to Rita, please? 450 00:43:54,809 --> 00:43:57,687 - Hello? - Hello? 451 00:43:58,771 --> 00:43:59,647 Hi, Rita. 452 00:44:02,024 --> 00:44:06,154 -Who's this? -This is an admirer. 453 00:44:06,237 --> 00:44:07,488 Admirer? 454 00:44:08,698 --> 00:44:10,366 Uh, I sent you that letter. 455 00:44:10,449 --> 00:44:12,285 What letter? 456 00:44:12,368 --> 00:44:15,746 - The one with the perfume. 457 00:44:18,124 --> 00:44:19,375 Hello? 458 00:44:19,458 --> 00:44:20,793 Hello? 459 00:44:21,544 --> 00:44:23,796 -Hello? -Hello? Rita? 460 00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:26,674 - Hello? Are you in a station? 461 00:44:27,466 --> 00:44:28,342 Yes. 462 00:44:29,468 --> 00:44:32,513 Are you coming... or going? 463 00:44:33,139 --> 00:44:35,266 I... I don't know. 464 00:44:38,728 --> 00:44:42,940 Hello? Did you know you're the most beautiful person on this Earth? 465 00:44:44,150 --> 00:44:45,359 Hello? 466 00:44:45,443 --> 00:44:47,361 Rita, hello? I love you. 467 00:44:57,747 --> 00:44:59,373 - Come on. 468 00:45:06,839 --> 00:45:10,343 You made it. I was going to pull the chain. 469 00:45:10,426 --> 00:45:12,303 What happened to Ramu? 470 00:45:12,386 --> 00:45:15,097 He didn't ask his father for permission. 471 00:45:15,181 --> 00:45:16,933 There goes the fourth member for the quiz. 472 00:45:17,016 --> 00:45:20,686 I may be old, but I'm not dead yet. 473 00:45:20,770 --> 00:45:22,897 According to the rules of the championship, 474 00:45:22,980 --> 00:45:25,900 your chaperone is allowed to step into the breach. 475 00:45:26,692 --> 00:45:28,277 That's all good, then. 476 00:45:28,361 --> 00:45:31,238 Sir, can we play some music? 477 00:45:31,322 --> 00:45:34,617 -What? Can you repeat the question? -Can we play some music? 478 00:45:34,700 --> 00:45:38,621 If music be the food of love, play on. 479 00:46:01,811 --> 00:46:06,148 What is this noise? The other people have complained, you know. 480 00:46:06,232 --> 00:46:09,485 Sir, we are young. Can enjoy only once. 481 00:46:09,568 --> 00:46:12,238 -Maintain decency. -Definitely, sir. 482 00:46:43,602 --> 00:46:48,065 Padma R, F-18. Naina K, F-18. 483 00:46:48,149 --> 00:46:51,610 These F-18s can bomb my airbase anytime! 484 00:46:51,694 --> 00:46:54,071 Rani P, F-17. 485 00:46:54,155 --> 00:46:56,907 Augusta D, F-58. 486 00:46:58,784 --> 00:47:03,831 Unfortunately, here, if I'm not very much mistaken, are the exhibits themselves. 487 00:47:03,914 --> 00:47:06,876 These look one drop kick away from an arranged marriage. 488 00:47:17,553 --> 00:47:20,639 Sir, why does Madras exist, as a concept? 489 00:47:22,099 --> 00:47:25,853 You know, I have a deathly relationship with Madras. 490 00:47:25,936 --> 00:47:29,106 The first time I passed through the city, the chief minister died. 491 00:47:29,190 --> 00:47:30,941 The second time, the governor died. 492 00:47:31,025 --> 00:47:34,195 This time, I hope the cursed minorities die. 493 00:47:34,904 --> 00:47:37,198 Sir, surely that's a bit bigoted. 494 00:47:37,281 --> 00:47:38,657 Bigoted, shigoted. 495 00:47:38,741 --> 00:47:42,161 We Brahmans are the biggest bigots and racists on this planet. 496 00:47:42,244 --> 00:47:46,207 Why be ashamed of it? Revel in your supremacy, I say. 497 00:47:46,290 --> 00:47:48,209 Quarter kilo. 498 00:47:51,712 --> 00:47:53,672 -Naman? -Sir? 499 00:47:53,756 --> 00:47:56,759 -Dig out that gin bottle. -Huh? 500 00:47:56,842 --> 00:47:59,637 I may be old, but I'm not blind. Yet. 501 00:47:59,720 --> 00:48:02,681 An old man is allowed to enjoy his drink, too. 502 00:48:02,765 --> 00:48:08,646 Cherry in the gin is cherry on the cake. 503 00:48:12,733 --> 00:48:14,401 Are all of you in your cups? 504 00:48:14,485 --> 00:48:16,862 -Cheese to the bees. -Cheers to the beers. 505 00:48:16,946 --> 00:48:20,074 -Diamonds are forever. -Cherries to the berries. 506 00:48:23,619 --> 00:48:27,248 The aspiring chief minister is not dead yet. 507 00:48:27,331 --> 00:48:29,291 But that can change. 508 00:48:29,917 --> 00:48:33,796 She used to live down my street when she was a schoolgirl. 509 00:48:33,879 --> 00:48:37,133 The bitch in her green school uniform, 510 00:48:37,216 --> 00:48:42,138 skirt ending just below her panties. 511 00:48:42,221 --> 00:48:44,723 She literally dripped as she walked along the street. 512 00:48:44,807 --> 00:48:49,854 And the dogs on heat followed the bitch in heat. 513 00:48:56,152 --> 00:48:57,862 Ch-- Ch-- 514 00:48:57,945 --> 00:49:00,531 Chrysalis, I believe that's the word you were struggling for. 515 00:49:01,407 --> 00:49:03,242 Away from the parental cocoon. 516 00:49:03,325 --> 00:49:07,538 Not to mention the most conservative city in the world. 517 00:49:08,372 --> 00:49:11,542 -Madras. -The nympha become butterflies. 518 00:49:11,625 --> 00:49:13,836 Interesting that you use the word "nympha." 519 00:49:13,919 --> 00:49:17,715 If you're going to flog that old nymphomaniac joke, forget it. 520 00:49:17,798 --> 00:49:21,552 Be that as it may, whatever mania you girls subscribe to, 521 00:49:21,635 --> 00:49:24,305 you seem to be of the quizzing persuasion. 522 00:49:24,388 --> 00:49:28,434 You don't need much persuasion in a Brahman family, sir. 523 00:49:28,517 --> 00:49:32,605 Study, study, study. Quizzing is good for you. 524 00:49:32,688 --> 00:49:36,317 I mean, who will marry you if you don't have at least a postgraduate degree? 525 00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:39,862 That is correct. Who will indeed? 526 00:49:41,155 --> 00:49:44,158 -Have we seen you in Bangalore quizzes? -We've seen you. 527 00:49:44,241 --> 00:49:46,785 -We were at the South Zone championship. -Which we won. 528 00:49:46,869 --> 00:49:48,370 Oh, really, how could you tell? 529 00:49:51,874 --> 00:49:54,752 I'm Randeep... Randy. 530 00:49:55,669 --> 00:49:57,463 Padma. Paddy. 531 00:49:57,546 --> 00:49:59,840 No predictable Irish jokes, please. 532 00:49:59,924 --> 00:50:03,052 I was going for the rice theme. I'm Ajay. 533 00:50:03,969 --> 00:50:06,263 -Rani. -Yasmin. 534 00:50:06,347 --> 00:50:07,264 Naina. 535 00:50:08,557 --> 00:50:10,434 He's Naman, our team captain. 536 00:50:10,517 --> 00:50:14,688 I have seen Trappist monks speak more than your team captain. 537 00:50:14,772 --> 00:50:19,568 Forget it. He's in love. With me. 538 00:50:22,905 --> 00:50:24,865 Where was she all my wife? 539 00:50:25,991 --> 00:50:27,618 Madras. 540 00:50:30,037 --> 00:50:31,997 You really must be in love. 541 00:50:32,873 --> 00:50:34,375 What makes you say that? 542 00:50:35,251 --> 00:50:38,379 Physical action instead of a smart verbal comeback. 543 00:50:38,462 --> 00:50:40,256 But what can I do? 544 00:50:41,173 --> 00:50:42,675 Talk to her, maybe. 545 00:50:44,051 --> 00:50:45,511 It's been known to work. 546 00:50:48,222 --> 00:50:50,432 I'm going to try and chat with Paddy. 547 00:50:52,142 --> 00:50:54,603 -How about Rita? -Who? 548 00:51:03,112 --> 00:51:05,030 So, the essence of my book, 549 00:51:05,114 --> 00:51:08,450 which I am titling Nostradamus's Inevitable Hinduism, 550 00:51:08,534 --> 00:51:12,997 is that your superstar Christ was in fact sired by a Roman guard. 551 00:51:13,080 --> 00:51:15,749 Tiberius Iulius Abdes Pantera. 552 00:51:15,833 --> 00:51:18,877 - Centurion much higher than a god. - How quaint. 553 00:51:18,961 --> 00:51:22,715 Clearly there were traces of miscegenation in your own family tree, 554 00:51:22,798 --> 00:51:26,760 -hence you're out to taint Christianity. -No, no, there is proof. 555 00:51:26,844 --> 00:51:31,265 The Greek philosopher Celsus said so in his work Alethès Lógos. 556 00:51:31,348 --> 00:51:35,144 -Which was refuted by his friend Origen-- -In his eight-volume work Contra Celsum. 557 00:51:37,730 --> 00:51:41,817 Naina, can I have a word with you alone? 558 00:51:44,403 --> 00:51:48,490 No. No mixing with boys. What would your father say? 559 00:51:48,574 --> 00:51:50,868 Let her go, O Augusta Delphin. 560 00:51:50,951 --> 00:51:56,749 They are typical quiz boys. Harmless, gutless, feckless. 561 00:51:58,876 --> 00:52:03,714 Clearly your protégés, then, Bernard Judekumar Irudayarasan. 562 00:52:03,797 --> 00:52:07,676 I'll have you know, Miss Augusta, that in 1968, 563 00:52:07,760 --> 00:52:12,181 when I used to come to your school, there was not a single... 564 00:52:14,224 --> 00:52:16,810 Well, none for me? 565 00:52:16,894 --> 00:52:18,979 A beaker full of the warm south. 566 00:52:19,063 --> 00:52:20,939 The blushful Hippocrene. 567 00:52:23,817 --> 00:52:25,569 You know your stuff. 568 00:52:27,029 --> 00:52:28,030 Mmm. 569 00:52:28,113 --> 00:52:30,199 It's a funny thing about knowledge. 570 00:52:30,282 --> 00:52:32,868 It's been known for more than one person to have it. 571 00:52:32,951 --> 00:52:36,163 -That's not what I meant. -That is exactly what you meant. 572 00:52:36,246 --> 00:52:39,583 But you didn't say what you meant when you said that-- 573 00:52:39,666 --> 00:52:41,377 That you were in love with me. 574 00:52:42,544 --> 00:52:44,713 It's painfully obvious. 575 00:52:44,797 --> 00:52:51,220 I am good-looking, smart, female, Brahman, 576 00:52:51,303 --> 00:52:54,223 now imbibing alcoholic libations with you. 577 00:52:54,306 --> 00:52:59,061 I even speak in that funny convoluted way that quizzers seem to automatically adopt. 578 00:52:59,645 --> 00:53:03,565 And if I were to ask you for that cigar, you would propose right away. 579 00:53:04,775 --> 00:53:08,237 And I'm not awed by your quiz-champ status. 580 00:53:11,156 --> 00:53:13,659 You know so much about me. How? 581 00:53:13,742 --> 00:53:15,494 I've seen you onstage. 582 00:53:15,577 --> 00:53:17,246 Admired me from afar. 583 00:53:17,955 --> 00:53:21,708 Seen you onstage. You are a great quizzer. 584 00:53:21,792 --> 00:53:28,590 Brahman fundamentalist, alcoholic, sexist, et cetera, et cetera. 585 00:53:28,674 --> 00:53:30,300 Thanks. 586 00:53:30,384 --> 00:53:33,303 And only you would take that as a compliment. 587 00:53:35,055 --> 00:53:39,601 -You still haven't answered. -I still don't know what the question is. 588 00:53:42,646 --> 00:53:44,898 Are you coming or going? 589 00:53:44,982 --> 00:53:46,150 Forget it. 590 00:53:46,233 --> 00:53:47,568 -Brahman family. -Naman. 591 00:53:47,651 --> 00:53:48,735 - Rita? - Naina. 592 00:53:48,819 --> 00:53:50,612 - She's a Christian, ra. - No! 593 00:53:52,948 --> 00:53:55,659 And what was worse, was that I lost a fortune 594 00:53:55,742 --> 00:53:58,454 due to termites getting into my deposit box. 595 00:53:59,705 --> 00:54:01,457 Sir, what happened? 596 00:54:01,540 --> 00:54:03,584 We're stuck at the Orissa-Bengal border. 597 00:54:03,667 --> 00:54:05,878 The ruling party has called for a bandh, a general strike. 598 00:54:05,961 --> 00:54:08,380 No movement for the next 12 hours. 599 00:54:12,134 --> 00:54:15,846 -And the reserve, sir? -I finished it all while you were asleep. 600 00:54:15,929 --> 00:54:17,639 Miss Augusta helped. 601 00:54:18,891 --> 00:54:21,393 And the train has run out of food. 602 00:54:21,477 --> 00:54:23,187 Wake up, bastard. 603 00:54:24,688 --> 00:54:27,483 --Wake up, bastard, wake up. 604 00:55:19,243 --> 00:55:20,327 Nipple. 605 00:55:22,955 --> 00:55:23,914 Aureolae. 606 00:55:29,211 --> 00:55:31,129 We need food. 607 00:55:32,172 --> 00:55:33,173 Booze. 608 00:55:34,925 --> 00:55:36,385 Train. 609 00:55:40,097 --> 00:55:41,306 Stop. 610 00:55:41,390 --> 00:55:43,016 Food, food. 611 00:55:43,100 --> 00:55:44,726 Aah... 612 00:55:45,435 --> 00:55:47,396 And, uh, booze, booze. 613 00:55:47,479 --> 00:55:48,772 Mmm. 614 00:55:55,279 --> 00:55:56,154 Booze. 615 00:57:13,774 --> 00:57:15,609 Sorry. 616 00:57:15,692 --> 00:57:17,569 In China-- 617 00:57:17,653 --> 00:57:22,616 Belching is considered to be a sign of gratitude and satisfaction. I know. 618 00:57:23,867 --> 00:57:26,787 -Always a step ahead. -Obviously. 619 00:57:28,372 --> 00:57:34,127 Anyway, I am grateful and satisfied. Thank you for getting all this. 620 00:57:34,211 --> 00:57:38,757 Well, when one is described as gutless and harmless-- 621 00:57:38,840 --> 00:57:41,176 You left out feckless. 622 00:57:41,259 --> 00:57:44,554 James Joyce used the word "feck" as a synonym for stealing. 623 00:57:44,638 --> 00:57:48,183 In A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. Yeah. 624 00:57:49,059 --> 00:57:52,354 -Not bad. -For a girl? 625 00:57:53,063 --> 00:57:56,400 -No. Not bad per se. -Oh. 626 00:57:56,483 --> 00:57:59,027 A compliment. Not grudging. 627 00:58:01,488 --> 00:58:07,619 You were right when you said that I don't really even understand-- 628 00:58:07,703 --> 00:58:11,498 -Naman, don't you have a girlfriend? -Yes. 629 00:58:11,581 --> 00:58:14,710 No. Not yet. 630 00:58:15,669 --> 00:58:18,005 Either way, you're unfaithful. 631 00:58:18,088 --> 00:58:23,427 No doubt you have some twisted Brahman justification to explain it away. 632 00:58:23,510 --> 00:58:24,803 He does. 633 00:58:24,886 --> 00:58:27,973 Naina, Augusta ma'am says it's bedtime. 634 00:58:28,056 --> 00:58:31,560 - The last song on the-- - White Album. Good night. 635 00:58:48,785 --> 00:58:51,121 You realize who Naina is, don't you? 636 00:58:52,539 --> 00:58:53,707 Who? 637 00:58:55,625 --> 00:58:57,085 She's you, Naman. 638 00:58:59,463 --> 00:59:01,214 Female Naman. 639 00:59:04,134 --> 00:59:08,138 So, if you fuck her... 640 00:59:10,265 --> 00:59:12,225 it'll be like fucking yourself. 641 00:59:16,980 --> 00:59:18,857 That makes it homo sex. 642 00:59:28,325 --> 00:59:30,243 - Good evening, everybody. 643 00:59:30,327 --> 00:59:34,039 How's Calcutta doing today? How's Calcutta doing today? 644 00:59:34,122 --> 00:59:35,957 --Very good. 645 00:59:36,041 --> 00:59:39,419 This year is a very special year 646 00:59:39,503 --> 00:59:44,007 because we are celebrating the 17th anniversary of quizzing in India, 647 00:59:44,091 --> 00:59:46,802 which, as you all know, began right here in Calcutta. 648 00:59:46,885 --> 00:59:51,056 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Quiz Superstars. 649 00:59:51,681 --> 00:59:55,685 The biggest quiz in India, and I'm Brian D'Costa. 650 00:59:56,686 --> 00:59:58,396 -Oh, less of brain. -Yeah. 651 00:59:58,480 --> 01:00:01,566 As usual, we have teams from all across India, 652 01:00:01,650 --> 01:00:06,571 from Delhi, Bombay, Bangalore, Madras 653 01:00:06,655 --> 01:00:12,285 and, of course, our very own kollolini Kolkata. 654 01:00:12,369 --> 01:00:14,996 --I have great news for you. 655 01:00:15,080 --> 01:00:19,376 This year, our sponsors are not only hosting the outstation teams, 656 01:00:19,459 --> 01:00:23,755 but are also paying for the food and beverage expenses. 657 01:00:23,839 --> 01:00:27,259 -What did he say? -He said drinks are on the house. 658 01:00:29,553 --> 01:00:33,431 India has a proud tradition of quizzing. 659 01:00:33,515 --> 01:00:37,435 This is because we Indians thirst for knowledge... 660 01:00:38,395 --> 01:00:41,815 Hey. How are you? All well? Good to see you. 661 01:00:41,898 --> 01:00:44,651 We Indians also revel in displaying said knowledge. 662 01:00:44,734 --> 01:00:49,531 Trivia, esoterica, science, technology. 663 01:00:49,614 --> 01:00:53,910 -16 whiskeys, please. On the quiz tab. -Yes, sir. 664 01:00:53,994 --> 01:00:58,915 ...our very lovely scorer for tonight, Kitty Chatterjee. 665 01:00:59,624 --> 01:01:04,921 You look absolutely gorgeous. Come on up. Wonderful. Welcome. 666 01:01:05,547 --> 01:01:08,925 Can we have a big round of applause for Kitty tonight? Thank you. 667 01:01:10,177 --> 01:01:14,514 Thank you so much. All right, my next question is for Bangalore. 668 01:01:14,598 --> 01:01:16,808 Are you ready for this question? 669 01:01:16,892 --> 01:01:21,771 On Calcutta's suburban trains, what are the pen sellers called? 670 01:01:21,855 --> 01:01:23,773 Your time starts now. 671 01:01:25,192 --> 01:01:27,777 This is a pass-on round... Yes? 672 01:01:27,861 --> 01:01:31,198 -Lalu-Bhulus. -That is the right answer. 673 01:01:31,281 --> 01:01:34,367 Big round of applause, please. Thank you so much. 674 01:01:34,451 --> 01:01:35,952 Kitty, two points for Bangalore. 675 01:01:36,036 --> 01:01:37,704 Delhi, my next question, 676 01:01:37,787 --> 01:01:41,416 who was the cowriter of Layla, along with Eric Clapton? 677 01:01:41,499 --> 01:01:43,043 George Harrison. 678 01:01:43,126 --> 01:01:47,339 I'm sorry, that's the incorrect answer. The question now passes to Madras. 679 01:01:47,964 --> 01:01:50,258 -What is the answer? -Jim Gordon. 680 01:01:50,342 --> 01:01:52,010 Absolutely right! Perfect! 681 01:01:53,303 --> 01:01:58,058 Team Bangalore, which 1942 painting by Edward Hopper 682 01:01:58,141 --> 01:02:00,727 -depicts people in a downtown-- -Nighthawks. 683 01:02:00,810 --> 01:02:04,606 Perfect. Thank you so much. Two points for Bangalore. 684 01:02:04,689 --> 01:02:08,652 Calcutta, the nationality of Christopher Columbus. 685 01:02:08,735 --> 01:02:10,028 We guess he was Spanish. 686 01:02:10,111 --> 01:02:12,489 I am so sorry, that's the incorrect answer. 687 01:02:12,572 --> 01:02:15,825 The question now passes to Bangalore. 688 01:02:15,909 --> 01:02:18,286 -Italy. -Absolutely right. 689 01:02:18,370 --> 01:02:21,248 Bangalore is on a roll tonight. 690 01:02:21,331 --> 01:02:23,250 Who bowled him that first ball? 691 01:02:23,333 --> 01:02:25,919 -Graham McKenzie. -That is perfectly right. 692 01:02:26,002 --> 01:02:29,547 -All right, Calcutta, what is the answer? -1911. 693 01:02:29,631 --> 01:02:33,927 Absolutely right. May we have a big round of applause for Calcutta! Thank you. 694 01:02:34,844 --> 01:02:38,139 This is a first. A tie. 695 01:02:38,223 --> 01:02:40,183 The reigning champions, Calcutta, 696 01:02:40,267 --> 01:02:46,398 and challengers Bangalore are both tied on 32 points. 697 01:02:46,481 --> 01:02:48,775 As this is a winner-takes-all quiz, 698 01:02:48,858 --> 01:02:52,988 I shall now have to ask a final tiebreaker question. 699 01:02:53,571 --> 01:02:54,990 Are you ready? 700 01:02:55,907 --> 01:02:59,160 Bangalore, this tiebreaker question is for you. 701 01:02:59,244 --> 01:03:05,083 What is the American popular slang for motels run by Indians? 702 01:03:06,001 --> 01:03:09,754 Most US hotels are run by Patels. Potels. 703 01:03:10,588 --> 01:03:11,423 What? 704 01:03:11,506 --> 01:03:13,383 Your time is running out, Bangalore. 705 01:03:13,466 --> 01:03:16,720 - Oh, sorry. Can you repeat the question? - Yes. 706 01:03:16,803 --> 01:03:22,225 What is the American popular slang for motels run by Indians? 707 01:03:22,309 --> 01:03:26,813 Simple. Potels. Motels run by Patels. 708 01:03:28,690 --> 01:03:31,735 Bangalore, that is the wrong answer. 709 01:03:32,694 --> 01:03:35,280 Calcutta, it's your turn. 710 01:03:35,363 --> 01:03:38,158 I believe the correct answer would be Patels. 711 01:03:38,241 --> 01:03:42,078 That is absolutely right. Calcutta have the right answer! 712 01:03:42,162 --> 01:03:44,581 - Calcutta wins again! 713 01:03:44,664 --> 01:03:46,750 Potels, not Patels, is the correct answer, sir. 714 01:03:46,833 --> 01:03:51,504 -Potels. Potels, Calcutta, potels. -It's Patels. 715 01:03:52,714 --> 01:03:55,550 It's a fix. I knew it. 716 01:04:05,518 --> 01:04:10,940 I curse you, you fucking brainless Brian baboon. 717 01:04:14,402 --> 01:04:17,322 ♪ Oh, you asshole ♪ 718 01:04:17,405 --> 01:04:20,825 ♪ Completely loathsome pain in the bum ♪ 719 01:04:24,579 --> 01:04:27,749 ♪ Brahman Naman Fuck you up ♪ 720 01:04:45,725 --> 01:04:48,728 Sorry, Naman. You deserved to win. 721 01:04:48,812 --> 01:04:52,482 - It's a fix. That fucking brainless-- 722 01:04:52,565 --> 01:04:53,775 Naman, this is my father. 723 01:04:53,858 --> 01:04:56,611 Sorry, uncle. It's just that-- 724 01:04:56,694 --> 01:05:00,448 Whatever the scenario, the use of foul language is not appropriate, young man. 725 01:05:01,533 --> 01:05:02,909 Sorry, uncle. 726 01:05:02,992 --> 01:05:04,577 What are you studying? 727 01:05:05,954 --> 01:05:09,416 Commerce. St. James, Bangalore, sir. 728 01:05:09,499 --> 01:05:12,669 It's a good college. What are your plans? 729 01:05:12,752 --> 01:05:16,297 -Plans? -I mean career plans. 730 01:05:16,381 --> 01:05:19,551 You're studying B-com? Hello? 731 01:05:19,634 --> 01:05:21,845 You're studying B-com, next year, MBA? 732 01:05:21,928 --> 01:05:24,431 Sir, I haven't really decided. 733 01:05:25,598 --> 01:05:28,768 Well, that's a problem with today's boys. 734 01:05:28,852 --> 01:05:32,564 Look at my Naina. She's already preparing for her MBA entrance. 735 01:05:35,233 --> 01:05:38,236 Naina, let me go and check the tickets. 736 01:05:40,822 --> 01:05:44,117 I'm so sorry. He's not as bad as he sounds. 737 01:05:44,200 --> 01:05:47,287 My father asks me the same questions. 738 01:05:48,663 --> 01:05:52,917 Anyway, what was he saying about the tickets? Aren't you returning with us? 739 01:05:53,001 --> 01:05:54,919 No. Uh... 740 01:05:55,003 --> 01:05:58,006 We're going to Jamshedpur to see my aunt. 741 01:05:58,089 --> 01:06:01,134 -So when...? -Who knows? 742 01:06:03,511 --> 01:06:04,721 And us? 743 01:06:04,804 --> 01:06:08,057 Naman, just because a girl spends time with you on equal terms 744 01:06:08,141 --> 01:06:10,435 doesn't qualify for an "us." 745 01:06:15,607 --> 01:06:16,774 Do you even like me? 746 01:06:19,444 --> 01:06:24,199 You're oddly likable. Or likable, which is odd. 747 01:06:38,796 --> 01:06:41,424 On the quiz tab. 748 01:06:58,983 --> 01:07:03,196 Naman, if you don't mind, I have a suggestion. 749 01:07:05,323 --> 01:07:08,034 What can you possibly add to this wonderful evening? 750 01:07:10,328 --> 01:07:14,707 Why don't you give Rita a call? She was Plan A, after all. 751 01:07:18,253 --> 01:07:20,797 Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings! 752 01:07:21,923 --> 01:07:23,716 Bloody master. 753 01:07:34,602 --> 01:07:37,063 -Details? -So... 754 01:07:37,146 --> 01:07:40,692 was Padma aka Paddy a virgin? Rivers of blood, et cetera? 755 01:07:41,276 --> 01:07:44,404 -We didn't really... -What? But you were with her all night. 756 01:07:44,487 --> 01:07:48,324 -Actually, we didn't do it. -Why, bambino? No lead in the old pencil? 757 01:07:48,408 --> 01:07:50,493 No, you didn't let me finish. 758 01:07:50,577 --> 01:07:55,164 I was going to say, actually, we didn't do it with a condom. 759 01:07:55,248 --> 01:07:56,708 Bareback. 760 01:07:58,251 --> 01:08:00,920 It slipped in smooth with no obstacles. 761 01:08:01,004 --> 01:08:03,172 So who popped it? The milkman? 762 01:08:03,256 --> 01:08:05,842 She said it broke from excessive cycle riding. 763 01:08:05,925 --> 01:08:08,428 Not from excessive Ajay riding. 764 01:08:10,513 --> 01:08:12,515 I wonder what she'll tell her husband? 765 01:08:12,599 --> 01:08:15,560 I believe hymenoplasty is an option these days. 766 01:08:16,394 --> 01:08:17,228 Hmm. 767 01:08:50,511 --> 01:08:54,849 -♪ Where did you go? ♪ -♪ Ah, ah ♪ 768 01:08:54,932 --> 01:08:59,312 -♪ I don't know ♪ -♪ Ah, ah ♪ 769 01:08:59,395 --> 01:09:03,024 -♪ I don't know ♪ -♪ Ah, ah ♪ 770 01:09:03,107 --> 01:09:07,820 -♪ Where did you go? ♪ -♪ Ah, ah ♪ 771 01:09:07,904 --> 01:09:12,325 -♪ I am in pain ♪ -♪ Ah, ah ♪ 772 01:09:12,408 --> 01:09:16,537 -♪ You were in train ♪ -♪ Ah, ah ♪ 773 01:09:16,621 --> 01:09:21,042 -♪ I am in train ♪ -♪ Ah, ah ♪ 774 01:09:21,125 --> 01:09:25,421 -♪ Are you in pain? ♪ -♪ Ah ♪ 775 01:09:25,505 --> 01:09:29,550 -♪ Is this a game? ♪ -♪ Ah, ah ♪ 776 01:09:29,634 --> 01:09:33,846 -♪ This is a shame ♪ -♪ Ah, ah ♪ 777 01:09:33,930 --> 01:09:40,937 ♪ This is a game ♪ 778 01:09:41,813 --> 01:09:45,108 ♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪ 779 01:09:45,191 --> 01:09:48,152 Quick. Piss her out. 780 01:09:49,320 --> 01:09:51,572 -On the tracks? -Where else? 781 01:11:15,531 --> 01:11:18,075 Listen, you can't keep calling me like this. 782 01:11:18,159 --> 01:11:20,161 My parents have been wondering. 783 01:11:20,244 --> 01:11:23,164 And you keep hanging up when anybody else picks up. 784 01:11:23,247 --> 01:11:26,083 That's because I want to talk only to you. 785 01:11:27,376 --> 01:11:28,461 Can I call you darling? 786 01:11:29,128 --> 01:11:30,713 Darling Rita. 787 01:11:31,672 --> 01:11:32,507 Hmm. 788 01:11:32,590 --> 01:11:34,509 You're looking beautiful. 789 01:11:34,592 --> 01:11:36,177 -Hello? -Hello? 790 01:11:36,260 --> 01:11:37,553 Hello. 791 01:11:37,637 --> 01:11:39,764 You're looking beautiful. 792 01:11:41,557 --> 01:11:43,059 Hmm... 793 01:11:44,894 --> 01:11:46,395 How do you know? 794 01:11:47,146 --> 01:11:50,149 Because girls look beautiful when they are angry. 795 01:11:50,233 --> 01:11:53,569 But I don't even know what you look like. 796 01:11:53,653 --> 01:11:56,447 In the fullness of time, at the appropriate juncture. 797 01:11:56,531 --> 01:11:59,242 - Hello? - At the appropriate juncture. 798 01:11:59,325 --> 01:12:00,785 - Hello? - I can't-- 799 01:12:00,868 --> 01:12:02,787 Please give me a clue. 800 01:12:02,870 --> 01:12:05,498 I wrote an article in the St. James' College magazine last year. 801 01:12:06,415 --> 01:12:07,875 -Hello? -Hello? 802 01:12:07,959 --> 01:12:11,379 - What was it called? - A Treatise. 803 01:12:12,672 --> 01:12:15,174 Hello? Rita, hello? 804 01:12:16,551 --> 01:12:18,135 A Treatise. 805 01:12:19,053 --> 01:12:20,388 Hello? 806 01:12:23,432 --> 01:12:25,810 There you are. I looked everywhere. 807 01:12:25,893 --> 01:12:27,270 What do you want? 808 01:12:27,979 --> 01:12:32,108 -I just heard about Calcutta and-- -You've come to gloat about our defeat. 809 01:12:32,191 --> 01:12:35,486 You know I would never even dream of anything like that. 810 01:12:35,570 --> 01:12:39,240 Good news, good news, the Lord is coming, the savior is coming! 811 01:12:39,323 --> 01:12:44,287 -But I am already here. -No, Lord Jesus Christ is coming. 812 01:12:44,370 --> 01:12:47,331 Austin Town football ground. 7 p.m. Wednesday. 813 01:12:47,415 --> 01:12:48,749 Is he coming in person? 814 01:12:59,051 --> 01:13:00,803 -This one? -Yeah. 815 01:13:01,762 --> 01:13:03,598 Are you Naman? 816 01:13:11,689 --> 01:13:13,524 Are you Naman? 817 01:13:14,859 --> 01:13:17,528 A Treatise indeed. 818 01:13:18,529 --> 01:13:19,989 And do you know what? 819 01:13:20,072 --> 01:13:23,159 The stupid language of your stupid piece 820 01:13:23,242 --> 01:13:26,996 totally matched the stupid language of your stupid letter. 821 01:13:27,079 --> 01:13:28,080 Stupid! 822 01:13:29,415 --> 01:13:32,627 So you're the one who's been calling me all this while. 823 01:13:35,212 --> 01:13:38,925 Never ever call me again. Coward. 824 01:13:47,266 --> 01:13:49,602 At least she spoke to you face-to-face. 825 01:13:52,313 --> 01:13:55,483 ♪ My baby left me ♪ 826 01:13:55,566 --> 01:13:57,443 ♪ She was mad ♪ 827 01:13:58,444 --> 01:14:01,113 "Never ever call me again. 828 01:14:01,197 --> 01:14:03,699 -Coward." -Fuckers. 829 01:14:03,783 --> 01:14:05,576 With friends like you, who needs enemas? 830 01:14:05,660 --> 01:14:07,662 This is what I told you in the beginning. 831 01:14:07,745 --> 01:14:10,456 Don't have anything to do with girls. They are stupid. 832 01:14:10,539 --> 01:14:13,209 How about your fling with Padma in Calcutta? 833 01:14:14,126 --> 01:14:17,380 The best thing to do is jerk her out. 834 01:14:17,463 --> 01:14:19,924 She'll disappear from your heart as soon as you cum. 835 01:14:20,007 --> 01:14:21,884 Don't worry, she's probably an untouchable anyway. 836 01:14:22,969 --> 01:14:25,721 To the victory of sex. Sex is truth. 837 01:14:25,805 --> 01:14:27,932 In vino veritas. 838 01:14:28,015 --> 01:14:30,434 There's truth in alcohol, too. 839 01:14:30,935 --> 01:14:33,229 Forgive me, I lied to you in Calcutta. 840 01:14:33,896 --> 01:14:38,442 At least you got laid, ra. Padma ain't no Sylvia Kristel, but... 841 01:14:38,526 --> 01:14:39,568 That night after the quiz, 842 01:14:39,652 --> 01:14:42,655 her boyfriend had followed her to Calcutta to get time alone with her. 843 01:14:42,738 --> 01:14:46,158 Miss Augusta let her go with me because Bernie told her we were harmless. 844 01:14:46,742 --> 01:14:49,996 I took her to her boyfriend's hotel and waited while she went upstairs. 845 01:14:50,830 --> 01:14:53,082 She took hours and hours to come back. 846 01:14:53,165 --> 01:14:55,793 --At least somebody got laid! 847 01:15:02,425 --> 01:15:06,470 Hey. Why chase after Nainas and Ritas when you have her? 848 01:15:06,554 --> 01:15:08,514 -I wouldn't go there. -I would. 849 01:15:08,597 --> 01:15:12,977 So what if she's got pimples. Nice tits, nice arse. 850 01:15:13,060 --> 01:15:15,604 Cover the face, fire the base. 851 01:15:17,565 --> 01:15:21,152 I know I'm not invited here, but Rita told me what she said to you-- 852 01:15:21,235 --> 01:15:24,572 For a change, you aren't gloating. Take a pew. 853 01:15:29,618 --> 01:15:31,704 ♪ Fuck you! ♪ 854 01:15:31,787 --> 01:15:34,123 ♪ I'll be fine ♪ 855 01:15:40,463 --> 01:15:43,841 I want green salad. 856 01:15:43,924 --> 01:15:48,763 -Sorry, sir, kitchen is closed. -But I want green salad. 857 01:15:54,310 --> 01:15:58,105 - I think you should go home now. - I want green salad. 858 01:15:58,189 --> 01:16:00,900 I want revenge. Bloody leper Rita. 859 01:16:02,735 --> 01:16:04,528 You'll get your revenge, baba. 860 01:16:04,612 --> 01:16:07,615 "If you prick us, do we not bleed? 861 01:16:07,698 --> 01:16:10,284 If you tickle us, do we not laugh?" 862 01:16:10,367 --> 01:16:12,078 "If you poison us, do we not die?" 863 01:16:12,161 --> 01:16:15,790 "If you wrong us, shall we not revenge?" 864 01:16:15,873 --> 01:16:17,249 Shakespeare. 865 01:16:19,043 --> 01:16:21,170 - I want... - Randy! 866 01:16:21,253 --> 01:16:22,671 ...green salad. 867 01:16:22,755 --> 01:16:25,716 - Come down. Come down now. - Please, what are you doing? 868 01:16:25,800 --> 01:16:27,635 But I want green fucking salad. 869 01:16:27,718 --> 01:16:29,595 Randy, please just come down. Please. 870 01:16:30,596 --> 01:16:33,682 No green. No women. 871 01:16:35,059 --> 01:16:36,602 No salad. 872 01:16:39,021 --> 01:16:40,397 What's the point in living? 873 01:16:44,318 --> 01:16:46,612 Come down, ra. Don't make a scene here. 874 01:16:46,695 --> 01:16:48,531 - Please, Randy. - Waiter, salad, now. 875 01:16:48,614 --> 01:16:53,410 - It's coming. - This way. Come down, please. Careful. 876 01:16:55,704 --> 01:16:57,790 There's your green salad. 877 01:17:20,688 --> 01:17:24,400 Precision... is the key. 878 01:17:29,864 --> 01:17:33,325 God, what have I created? 879 01:17:44,336 --> 01:17:47,923 Watch and learn. The revenge of the Brahman. 880 01:18:05,149 --> 01:18:06,817 Where to now? 881 01:18:07,985 --> 01:18:10,613 You want to see something you've never seen before? 882 01:18:11,447 --> 01:18:14,909 Romantic, soft, bouncy. 883 01:18:16,202 --> 01:18:18,495 I would love to! 884 01:18:23,250 --> 01:18:26,212 Joseph! Joseph! 885 01:18:26,295 --> 01:18:30,216 Yaarappa? Sir, you so late. 886 01:18:30,299 --> 01:18:32,843 Leave the light on, maado, and go back to bed, understand? 887 01:18:42,978 --> 01:18:45,439 -Wow. -Impressive. 888 01:18:45,522 --> 01:18:48,400 My father imports these machines from Austria. 889 01:18:48,817 --> 01:18:49,860 Really? 890 01:19:30,401 --> 01:19:34,488 For madam, the finest rubberized coir latex 891 01:19:34,571 --> 01:19:38,158 featuring a fabulous jute hessian quilted cloth. 892 01:19:39,827 --> 01:19:46,667 Or perhaps this one. This one sinks to make perfect contours for your body. 893 01:19:46,750 --> 01:19:51,880 Or should I say... contours for your perfect body? 894 01:20:03,350 --> 01:20:05,185 I have a surprise for you. 895 01:20:20,951 --> 01:20:23,579 A Brahman cannot sip from the same bottle as you. 896 01:20:24,663 --> 01:20:27,333 Our lips are going to touch anyway. 897 01:20:27,416 --> 01:20:30,586 Besides, I'm a Brahman, too. 898 01:20:54,777 --> 01:20:56,570 Ow! Naman! 899 01:20:58,072 --> 01:21:00,282 Ouch. What are you thinking? 900 01:21:02,034 --> 01:21:03,410 Sorry. 901 01:21:04,828 --> 01:21:06,705 How bad is it? 902 01:21:17,007 --> 01:21:18,509 Ash? 903 01:21:21,011 --> 01:21:22,930 Cover the face. 904 01:21:25,391 --> 01:21:27,309 Fire the base. 905 01:22:07,558 --> 01:22:10,310 I've waited so long for this, Naman. 906 01:22:32,666 --> 01:22:34,376 Where are you going, bastard? 907 01:22:51,560 --> 01:22:55,564 Sorry for you, Naman. Very sorry. 908 01:22:56,565 --> 01:23:01,987 I came here tonight because I loved you, despite the constant mocking and... 909 01:23:02,529 --> 01:23:05,449 underneath I thought that there was some affection for me. 910 01:23:06,283 --> 01:23:08,577 I was so wrong. 911 01:23:08,660 --> 01:23:12,581 Your arrogance is just a front for your ugliness. 912 01:23:13,290 --> 01:23:15,709 Yes, Naman, you're ugly. 913 01:23:22,758 --> 01:23:26,553 Rita was right. You're nothing but a coward. 914 01:23:27,804 --> 01:23:31,767 You think because you have all the answers you're so clever. You don't. 915 01:23:32,434 --> 01:23:34,102 And you're not. 916 01:23:34,937 --> 01:23:37,940 Once your cheerleader friends grow up and see through you, 917 01:23:38,023 --> 01:23:42,903 you're going to be left all alone for the rest of your miserable life. 918 01:24:42,087 --> 01:24:45,799 What are you waiting for? Fuck off. 919 01:24:48,385 --> 01:24:50,929 -It's a long walk back. -I said, fuck off. 920 01:25:46,151 --> 01:25:48,403 -Naman, I-- -The Iriya Samiti, 921 01:25:48,487 --> 01:25:51,073 the regulation of walking in Jain scriptures, 922 01:25:51,156 --> 01:25:54,451 it states that one should walk looking carefully six feet distance ahead. 923 01:25:54,534 --> 01:25:57,746 So as not to cause the pain or death of any living being. 924 01:25:57,829 --> 01:25:59,790 "I like long walks. 925 01:26:00,749 --> 01:26:03,710 Especially when they're taken by people who annoy me." 926 01:26:08,340 --> 01:26:10,133 Noël Coward. 927 01:26:15,972 --> 01:26:18,642 -Guess what. -Hyderabad? 928 01:26:18,725 --> 01:26:22,437 I was coming back on a coach, luxury class, of course. 929 01:26:22,521 --> 01:26:25,857 This sex bomb was in the seat next to me. 930 01:26:25,941 --> 01:26:27,693 Male or female? 931 01:26:29,194 --> 01:26:33,198 She fell asleep with her head on my shoulders so I fiddled it. 932 01:26:34,324 --> 01:26:36,535 She pretended to stay asleep. 933 01:26:37,285 --> 01:26:39,788 So I stuck a finger in her pussy... 934 01:26:40,914 --> 01:26:43,709 ...and I smelled it. 935 01:26:43,792 --> 01:26:45,335 Did it smell of fish? 936 01:26:45,419 --> 01:26:49,214 It was heavenly, ra, like your grandmom's freshly cooked biryani. 937 01:26:49,297 --> 01:26:52,509 -Veg or non-veg? -Did you fuck her? 938 01:27:02,310 --> 01:27:04,980 - Welcome, Bangalore. 939 01:27:05,063 --> 01:27:09,943 Welcome to the finals of the Annual Sagaya Mary Memorial Quiz. 940 01:27:11,653 --> 01:27:15,866 Now, before we begin this event, let me inform you about 941 01:27:15,949 --> 01:27:22,372 certain shameful shenanigans at the Quiz Superstars event held in Calcutta. 942 01:27:22,456 --> 01:27:26,168 Upset at being beaten by a superior team, 943 01:27:26,251 --> 01:27:32,257 the Bangalore team abused our hospitality and ran up a bill of 4,000 rupees, 944 01:27:32,340 --> 01:27:36,595 including two bottles of single malt. 945 01:27:40,724 --> 01:27:43,185 So this is for you, Naman Bala. 946 01:27:43,268 --> 01:27:49,941 You and your entire team are henceforth banned from this quiz. 947 01:27:50,692 --> 01:27:55,989 If I had my way, from every other quiz. 948 01:27:56,990 --> 01:28:01,578 Please leave the hall. Now! 949 01:28:04,080 --> 01:28:05,707 Now. 950 01:28:05,791 --> 01:28:09,795 Will the other finalists please come up on stage? 951 01:28:12,339 --> 01:28:14,049 What the hell are you doing, Naman? 952 01:28:15,050 --> 01:28:18,220 If this is your apology, then you're too late for it, trust me. 953 01:28:20,680 --> 01:28:22,349 Give him a chance, man. 954 01:28:24,184 --> 01:28:26,228 There is a word... 955 01:28:28,146 --> 01:28:32,859 There is a word in the English language, derived from the Latin, of course, 956 01:28:32,943 --> 01:28:36,738 that is an expression of contrition. 957 01:28:39,241 --> 01:28:40,700 I have committed an offense. 958 01:28:41,993 --> 01:28:46,998 And perception of that offense can compound over time... 959 01:28:47,999 --> 01:28:49,835 otherwise known as compounding remorse. 960 01:28:51,086 --> 01:28:54,422 What I am doing here is to compunctulate. 961 01:28:55,632 --> 01:28:58,677 No, to recompunctulate. 962 01:29:13,650 --> 01:29:16,027 -I have decided. -What? 963 01:29:16,111 --> 01:29:18,446 I'll marry Ash and make an honest woman out of her. 964 01:29:18,530 --> 01:29:20,448 Where did that come from? 965 01:29:20,532 --> 01:29:22,909 If you're looking for context, young apprentice, 966 01:29:22,993 --> 01:29:26,413 the events of the last few days must not have escaped your notice. 967 01:29:26,496 --> 01:29:27,914 She is Brahman. 968 01:29:28,957 --> 01:29:32,210 While Ramu here gets ready to get deflowered by a bull, 969 01:29:32,294 --> 01:29:37,048 unless he's already lost his hymen to a milkman or other assorted menial help. 970 01:29:37,132 --> 01:29:40,760 It was a bull... that broke my foot. 971 01:29:45,515 --> 01:29:46,808 Where was I? 972 01:29:46,891 --> 01:29:48,727 Ramu was getting fucked. 973 01:29:49,561 --> 01:29:53,982 No, I was in Ash, but I will be once we are joined together in holy matrimony. 974 01:29:54,065 --> 01:29:55,567 Hi, honchos. 975 01:29:59,237 --> 01:30:01,698 Coming for alcoholic libations at the dhaba? 976 01:30:27,057 --> 01:30:33,146 ♪ Oh, show me the way to the next whiskey bar ♪ 977 01:30:33,229 --> 01:30:35,732 ♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪ 978 01:30:35,815 --> 01:30:38,610 ♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪ 979 01:30:38,693 --> 01:30:43,948 ♪ Show me the way to the next whiskey bar ♪ 980 01:30:44,032 --> 01:30:46,576 ♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪ 981 01:30:46,660 --> 01:30:49,204 ♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪ 982 01:30:49,287 --> 01:30:54,167 ♪ For if we don't find the next whiskey bar ♪ 983 01:30:54,250 --> 01:30:56,836 ♪ I tell you we must die ♪ 984 01:30:56,920 --> 01:30:59,464 ♪ I tell you we must die ♪ 985 01:30:59,547 --> 01:31:02,050 ♪ I tell you I tell you ♪ 986 01:31:02,133 --> 01:31:04,678 ♪ I tell you we must die ♪ 987 01:31:14,104 --> 01:31:20,193 ♪ Oh, moon of Alabama ♪ 988 01:31:20,276 --> 01:31:25,281 ♪ We now must say goodbye ♪ 989 01:31:25,365 --> 01:31:31,579 ♪ We've lost our good old mama ♪ 990 01:31:31,663 --> 01:31:36,459 ♪ And must have whiskey Oh, you know why ♪ 991 01:31:36,543 --> 01:31:42,340 ♪ Oh, moon of Alabama ♪ 992 01:31:42,424 --> 01:31:47,303 ♪ We now must say goodbye ♪ 993 01:31:47,387 --> 01:31:53,727 ♪ We've lost our good old mama ♪ 994 01:31:53,810 --> 01:31:57,856 ♪ And must have whiskey Oh, you know why ♪ 995 01:32:04,362 --> 01:32:10,577 ♪ Well, show me the way to the next little girl ♪ 996 01:32:10,660 --> 01:32:13,246 ♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪ 997 01:32:13,329 --> 01:32:15,749 ♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪ 998 01:32:15,832 --> 01:32:21,629 ♪ Just show me the way to the next little girl ♪ 999 01:32:21,713 --> 01:32:24,340 ♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪ 1000 01:32:24,424 --> 01:32:27,051 ♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪ 1001 01:32:27,135 --> 01:32:32,682 ♪ For if we don't find the next little girl ♪ 1002 01:32:32,766 --> 01:32:35,310 ♪ I tell you we must die ♪ 1003 01:32:35,393 --> 01:32:38,062 ♪ I tell you we must die ♪ 1004 01:32:38,146 --> 01:32:43,568 ♪ I tell you, I tell you I tell you we must die ♪ 1005 01:32:48,990 --> 01:32:54,871 ♪ Oh, moon of Alabama ♪ 1006 01:32:54,954 --> 01:33:00,126 ♪ We now must say goodbye ♪ 1007 01:33:00,210 --> 01:33:06,132 ♪ We've lost our good old mama ♪ 1008 01:33:06,216 --> 01:33:11,095 ♪ And must have whiskey Oh, you know why ♪ 1009 01:33:11,179 --> 01:33:17,018 ♪ Oh, moon of Alabama ♪ 1010 01:33:17,101 --> 01:33:21,898 ♪ We now must say goodbye ♪ 1011 01:33:21,981 --> 01:33:28,321 ♪ We've lost our good old mama ♪ 1012 01:33:28,404 --> 01:33:32,408 ♪ And must have whiskey Oh, you know why ♪ 1013 01:33:52,303 --> 01:33:56,683 -♪ Where did you go? ♪ -♪ Ah, ah ♪ 1014 01:33:56,766 --> 01:34:01,020 -♪ I don't know ♪ -♪ Ah, ah ♪ 1015 01:34:01,104 --> 01:34:04,941 -♪ I don't know ♪ -♪ Ah, ah ♪ 1016 01:34:05,024 --> 01:34:09,612 -♪ Where did you go? ♪ -♪ Ah, ah ♪ 1017 01:34:09,696 --> 01:34:14,117 -♪ I am in pain ♪ -♪ Ah, ah ♪ 1018 01:34:14,200 --> 01:34:18,371 -♪ You were in train ♪ -♪ Ah, ah ♪ 1019 01:34:18,454 --> 01:34:22,834 -♪ I am in pain ♪ -♪ Ah, ah ♪ 1020 01:34:22,917 --> 01:34:27,297 -♪ Are you in pain? ♪ -♪ Ah ♪ 1021 01:34:27,380 --> 01:34:31,634 -♪ Is this a game? ♪ -♪ Ah, ah ♪ 1022 01:34:31,718 --> 01:34:36,014 -♪ This is a shame ♪ -♪ Ah, ah ♪ 1023 01:34:36,097 --> 01:34:43,104 ♪ This is a game ♪ 1024 01:34:43,771 --> 01:34:47,817 ♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪ 80677

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