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That's it, baby.

"Baby"?

I'm a over a thousand years old.

Are you not having a good time?

There's just not much thrill left in feeding on the willing.

Then should I try pretending not to want it?

Only if you are very,

very good at it.

Get off me.

You sick...

bloodsucking bastard.

Off you go.

Tell your manager you were magnificent.

I'll back up your story if he calls.

I was beginning to think you weren't going to accept my invitation, Lorena.

For a vampire,

you're a terrible liar.

Sync: mpm & Arrow for the sub factory.

Tell them to go away.

It could be anyone.

Who is there?

Isabel, from the summit.

And who is this?

His name is Hugo.

He is mine.

I could see how worried you were about Sookie infiltrating the Fellowship,

and I thought Hugo could help.

And why would you want to help us?

Because Godric is my sheriff, not yours.

It would be criminal of me to let you take this risk

without my at least offering.

And why would you want to help us?

I would do anything for Isabel.

Forever, and not just my forever, your forever.

And forever and forever...

It's true, he would.

He loves her.

You. He loves you. Very much.

And I him.

Consider my offer.

If nothing else, with Hugo there,

Sookie will be less likely to arouse suspicion.

People of the church, they have a way of not

trusting a woman when she's absent a man.

Bill, I have to say,

as a woman who's been absent a man most of her life,

that could not be more true.

I considered booking you in the room adjoining theirs,

but I thought that might be a bit...

over the top.

Why am I here, Mr. Northman?

We want the same thing, you and I.

Bill has something that I want,

and he's in the way.

His human?

No, she's something more than human.

What is she?

That I do not know,

but whatever she is...

he loves her.

What makes you think I want him back?

That I'd even take him?

Because you didn't come all this way just to see me.

I haven't seen Bill Compton in over 70 years.

Surely you can't think I have any pull over him whatsoever.

I haven't seen my maker for much longer than that,

and yet I am still loyal to him.

Fiercely loyal.

Shame I didn't turn you.

Then again,

you're not really my type.

Enjoying the entertainment?

- Very much. - Yes. He's wonderful.

Just wonderful.

He is.

Quite wonderful.

I love your necklace,

it's extraordinary.

Thank you.

I love it too. It was a gift from Sydney.

Yeah, it cost me a pretty penny, but...

got me out of a whopper of a fight. Right, doll?

Where'd you say you two were all...

from again, Miss...?

Olivier.

Faviana Olivier.

And we are from Europe. France.

I'm hoping to hop over the pond some time soon,

- take this one with me. - I've always wanted to see Europe.

You would like it.

And it would certainly like you.

You seem

European already.

Most Americans these days are so...

puritanical.

Fuck prohibition.

He's so crass.

But he is right.

Fuck prohibition.

If you'd like,

after your other guests leave,

Guillaume and I could stay and we could all

fuck prohibition

somewhat further.

Absolutely.

I am Guillaume.

What happened here?

Baby, if you don't want to tell me...

It's all right...

When I take my clothes off, it's all anybody ever sees.

The answer is... I don't know what happened.

- You mean, you don't remember- - I remember.

Heck, I'll never forget it.

I just never got a look at who,

or what, it was that jumped me.

Jesus.

Where were you?

In the woods.

Running.

And then whatever it was,

it was on me.

It slashed me.

And then I was sick, real sick, for weeks.

The doctors couldn't figure it out.

What it was.

They told me I was lucky to be alive

and I should count my blessings.

And I still do, every single day of my life.

You're

the most amazing person

I've ever met.

You're just saying that because I'm the first honest sex you've ever had.

No, that's not true.

Have you told anybody else what you are?

My friend Sookie. She knows.

And have you slept with her?

I rest my case.

Seriously, though, Sam.

You shouldn't be ashamed of what you are.

I'm not ashamed.

- I just don't go around advertising it. - Well, neither do I,

but the people that I know,

the people that I love, I don't keep it a secret from them.

How come you do?

I guess it's because it's dangerous out there.

It's, like, why take the risk?

Because not taking the risk is riskier.

That's just wordplay.

No. No, it's not.

The way I look at it,

if you're gonna take the danger out of getting to know someone,

you might as well not bother with 'em at all.

You got to share this life with people.

It's what we were put on this big ol' round ball to do.

And people,

they need to know you.

You're just too damned special for 'em not to.

Where the fuck did you come from?

I'm looking for a pump for an A.O. Smith water heater.

Can you hold on?

Yeah, I'll hold.

Shit.

Want me to take a look and you can hold the line?

That was some spiteful shit, what you said right there. I got this.

I am the man of the house.

- No offense, Karl. - None taken.

How's your coffee?

Colder than that ridiculous excuse for a shower.

I don't know what to tell you.

I wish I had a fancier crib for you to squat in, but I don't.

You may not know this about me,

but without a hot shower in the morning,

I have no tolerance for sarcasm.

- Sorry. - You still there?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm here.

- Yeah, we got one. - You do?

Great.

We'll be there as soon as we can.

Hardware shop in Ferriday's got the part we need.

Ferriday is over two hours away.

It's an old water heater, Maryann,

and I called everyone I could within 150 mile radius,

and this guy is the only one who's got a recirculating pump that'll fit it.

So do you want somebody to go get it or not?

Drive like the wind.

- Maybe Eggs ought to come-? - No, I want him here

working on the water heater.

See if he can jury-rigsometh take some semblance of a shower

before you get back.

Maryann, I think you're overestimating your plumber.

Besides, if I have to drive a car and look at a map at the same time,

I'll crash your Jag.

I know I will.

You can go. Go, go!

Where you been, we're 10 minutes late.

Didn't they say what they wanted to see us for?

All they said was to grab you and get our butts down to the sanctuary lawn.

- Why, you think it's something bad? - It can't be good.

Good morning.

Think you can handle it?

It's just a...

Well, it's a platform with a cross on top of it.

- Seems pretty straightforward. - Good. Good, good.

Look, I'm sorry, but the rest of the group...

They're back at camp, training, right?

Shouldn't we be with them?

I mean, we ain't being punished for something, are we?

Jason Stackhouse, of all the things.

Now, what would we be punishing you for?

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

Well, then, how about you stop sulking and try to be

thankful for the job you've been given?

I shouldn't have to remind you, but Jesus was a carpenter.

Oh, my golly.

I didn't even think about the parallels.

- Should we tell them? - I'm not sure that's such a good...

They're the best of the best, they deserve to know.

Now, can you boys keep a secret?

- I hope so, yeah. - I'll take it to the grave.

This platform we're having you build?

It's for a ceremony.

Have either of you ever heard the expression,

"Meet the Sun"?

Are you for real?

Sarah, I'm talking.

Luke, you want to do the honors?

Well, if it's what I read about on the Internet,

meeting the sun is when you take a vampire

and you chain him to the cross before dawn.

And when the sun comes up,

the congregation gets to watch from the bleachers

as the vampire ignites and is sent to his fiery grave

once and for all.

Jesus Christ.

Well, yes, him, but the sun too.

Get to work, boys.

- You should probably wear this. - Oh, Hugo.

Yes, a thousand times yes.

And also...

Just so that they believe we're a couple about to get married,

it'd probably be best if you let me do most of the talking.

I'll just shut up and look pretty.

- That's not what I meant. - Yeah, it was.

It's okay. It'll be easier for me to listen in on others

if I don't have to worry about carrying on a conversation.

Good, good.

But if they do ask you any questions, are you sure

you're going to be able to say the kinds of things about vampires

- that they're going to want to hear? - Hugo,

I don't just hear the things hateful people say.

I hear the things that are so hateful

that hateful people don't even want to say them out loud.

Don't you worry about me. I got plenty of material to work with.

I'll be fine.

Good.

It's funny, I don't even know you really,

but you're the only other person I've ever met who's dated a vampire...

What do you want to know?

Everything.

Do you and Isabel ever fight?

We fight like crazy.

But I've been with women I didn't fight with before,

and with every one of them, I found that the reason

that we never fought was because I didn't care enough to bother.

Oh, Hugo, that is messed up.

Well, maybe.

But it's also true.

It's funny, but whenever Bill and me fight,

even as I'm screaming and I'm so mad

I don't think I'm ever going to stop,

somehow, in the middle of all that,

I know that we're both fighting for our relationship.

For each other.

We're fighting to stay together.

Do you...

Never mind.

What?

Lately...

the thing Isabel and I have been fighting about the most

is whenever I bring up the subject of her turning me,

she just shuts down. She won't even discuss it.

Is that a thing that people actually do?

Because it's never even occurred to me.

How could it not?

Right now it's all well and good,

but in 50 years when they're still what they are,

but we're in our '70s and '80s

and we're hunched over and frail and using walkers?

Come on. How could they still love us?

We should go.

Listen, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have told you that...

It's okay. Really.

Besides, now if I die today, who cares?

At least I'll never have to feel old, and unloved, and unwanted.

Bitches, don't you know

that sarcasm and cold water

do not mix?

All right,

so next thing you want to do is hop on the 165 South.

Excellent.

You're a hell of a navigator.

There's going to be a diner

that's built out of an old red barn coming from around the next bend.

- You been here before? - No. Never.

Why the fuck did I know that?

All right, you're freaking me out. You better not be fucking with me.

- Turn right here. - Eggs, tell me what's going on.

Tara, I don't know. Please, just turn right here.

- Come on. - Shit.

Where you going, Eggs?

You still up for doing something after work tonight?

Sure.

Good, because I just got off the phone,

and I got a surprise lined up for you.

I don't like surprises, Arlene.

Well, that's too bad,

because I just happen to be

an extremely mysterious woman.

Can I get y'all anything else?

How about the iced tea I ordered over five minutes ago?

Oh, my gosh, I am so sorry.

- I'll be right back with that. - And some Worcester?

- Any chance I'll get it? - Zero.

She's about the worst I've ever seen.

Maybe it's for the best.

Lately if you're too good a waitress around here,

someone's gonna come along and kill you.

You are so bad, Maxine.

Hey, there, Sam. Lafayette here?

In the kitchen.

I've been noticing some strange things about you lately.

Like?

Like the fact that you just up and vanish for over two weeks,

and like the fact that now that you are back,

you seem to have lost some of your pizzazz.

My pizzazz?

That's right.

Now, in case you didn't hear,

Lafayette, a woman's dead.

Woman just so happened to have ripped of your cousin and your auntie.

So for the record,

where were you?

I was on a cruise.

A cruise, huh?

What kind?

A gay one.

Why don't you tell me

- what you're accusing me... - You weren't on any gay cruise,

if you were,

you would have come back with more pizzazz, not less.

So how about you and I go down to the station, I lock you up.

Leave you in a cell to rot

until you confess,

or you can just tell me now.

I already know what you were doing.

You were hiding out.

Lying in wait.

You killed that woman and cut her heart out.

Now, tell me I'm not right.

Leave him alone, cuz.

Terry, you need to shut up.

And you need to get up.

Think I will take you down to the station.

I said get the fuck up!

What the hell, Andy?

Back when we were kids playing

cops and robbers in Me-maw and Pa-po's backyard,

you always used to make your arrests with dignity.

This ain't the kind of cop you set out to be.

And by the way, everybody knows that you ain't even a cop anymore.

Get the hell out of here.

- But he's a suspect. - No,

he ain't.

And even if he was, does he look like he's about to run, to you?

All right, you're right.

I'm sorry, Mr. Reynolds.

Okay, buddy.

Come here.

Come here.

Come here.

Close your eyes.

Close 'em.

Close 'em.

That's good.

Now, I want you

to imagine

a golden glowing ball

radiating warmth

and safety.

That's good.

Activation required.

You remember Bonita Lou Morris.

Nice to see you again, Miss Morris.

I paid that bill last week. I want to know why my phone

is telling me "activation required".

Because I canceled it.

Goddang it, Mama.

Now Jessica's gonna think I'm like those guys that never text back.

Good.

Girls who call boys

at all hours of the night like that are looking for one thing: money.

We don't have any money.

That's not true.

We're very comfortable.

I told you

I would let you date a girl like that over my dead body,

and I meant it.

This is only the first step.

Reactivate it

or the next step's gonna be all mine.

And one last thing about my girlfriend

that I think both of y'all need to know.

The reason that Jessica calls me all late like she does

is that she's a vampire.

I can't work.

And why is that?

Because, when I look at that pool table,

I keep seeing you on it, and then I can't think about anything else.

What do you say we get outta here?

And go where?

Well, we'll sneak out the back and shift

and run and play.

Do it out under the sun.

I would love to, but if I left work,

my boss would kill me.

Don't you go and slap me with a harassment suit for this,

but if you don't go out back right now

and take off all your clothes,

I will fire you.

Well, we wouldn't want that.

No, we wouldn't.

I'll meet you out back in two.

Make it one.

Big ol'scary vampire Went up...

Help me out, Stackhouse. What should go there?

- God, son of a... - You all right?

I'm fine. Just...

Stupid.

No, you're just preoccupied. So come on now, out with it.

And I hope I don't have to remind you you're wearing your ring of honesty.

Yeah, I don't know, man. I just...

Remember what you said the other day about...

me only being sent up on...

On account of Sarah wanting my...

My johnson?

Man, that's just me being jealous.

Even as it was coming out of my mouth, I knew God was frowning on me.

Because not only do you deserve everything coming your way, but Sarah,

if she ain't the holiest person I know, then I don't know who is.

The day that we met, you said...

You said that you'd been abstinent for the last three years.

That's right.

How come?

Because sex outside of marriage is a sin.

- You really believe that? - It ain't what I believe.

It's what God believes,

but some sins are bigger than others.

Like what?

You're gonna do it out of wedlock,

gotta make sure the girl you do it to ain't married either.

Right, because adultery's bad.

One of the worst.

Right up there with incest and bestiality.

What the f...

But all of 'em put together ain't half as bad

as if you do it to a vampire.

Or to a dude.

Or a vampire dude, and that's like cr�me de la cr�me of sins.

Ain't no repentance for that.

Straight to hell, baby.

But everything else you can repent from.

Sure. God's a...

He's an open-minded guy.

To a point.

Jason Stackhouse,

abstinent.

Sounds good, don't it?

Not really.

Went to the sun to fry.

What?

The big ol'scary vampire Went to the sun to fry

That is awesome.

Be here all day.

Why do I recognize her?

Because she's on TV all the time. That's Sarah Newlin.

She's the reverend's wife.

Oh, right.

You know, in person, she looks like vanilla pudding.

Hi, there.

Happened to be looking out the window as you were driving up, and I thought

I'd come on out and greet you myself.

I'm Sarah Newlin. And you all are?

Hi. Holly Simpson. I'm...

I cannot believe I'm meeting you in person.

You are cute as a button.

Thank you, Holly. And you're like a cool breeze on a hot summer day.

- Quit. - And you are?

- I'm... - Silly me. This is Rufus Dobson,

my fianc�. I love saying that word.

In fact, sometimes I love it so much,

I don't even want to get married, just so I can keep on calling him it.

But we're going to.

Get married, that is.

Which is why we're looking for a church.

Excellence. And I'm pleased to meet you, Rufus.

It's an honor.

The honor's mine.

How about you all follow me in

and we'll see if Steve is available.

I'm sure he'd love to meet you both.

For real?

Reverend Newlin himself? Oh, that would be just super.

Well, come on.

I thought I would do the talking.

When I get nervous, sometimes I talk too much.

Funny thing is,

Rufus and I actually met in church,

but we both left,

like, a month later when we realized that our pastor was...

a little iffy.

He was a homosexual.

We don't know. He might have been,

but what became all too clear was that...

he was...

a sympathizer.

That really ticks me off.

I mean, how can you claim to be a God-loving person

and then love something that God detests?

It's upsetting.

It is. It is upsetting,

but that's why my fianc�e and I are here.

We want to make this our new home.

We are thrilled that you've chosen us.

Wonder how that platform's coming.

I can't wait to bring that vampire up from the basement

and watch the sun do him the justice

that 2000 years of living couldn't.

It'll be amazing to finally be amongst like-minded people.

I don't care what anyone says

about vampires being able to control themselves.

I know better.

I know that every single one of them

is a vicious, bloodthirsty killer.

You have a lovely home.

Thank you.

You're we-we-we-welcome. We'll enjoy living in it.

Put him in the armchair.

Face it toward the bed so he can watch.

What? Watch what?

Say "au revoir."

Say it!

Au revoir.

Why are you doing this?

Because we can.

Wait.

What is it?

I want you to have this.

You are so thoughtful

and generous.

I love you, William Compton.

We've been walking for over 45 minutes,

and you still haven't told me where we're going.

- I did. I said I don't know. - "I don't know" ain't a place.

It's a state of mind I don't like being in.

What the fuck?

I've been here before.

- I thought you said... - I know what I said...

so I guess I haven't, but I have.

I don't...

Now, something happened here. Something horrible happened.

- That's pretty fucking obvious. - You think this is funny?

No, but it don't make any sense, and when shit don't make sense,

it means there's a logical explanation you just haven't thought of yet.

Maybe it's from when you were a kid. Maybe somebody brought you here.

I... Tara, I grew up in foster homes in Memphis,

and when you grow up like that,

people ain't trying to take you on fucking vacations.

Now, I know one thing. I've been here before.

I just don't even...

Shit.

Is that blood?

We must have walked a mile and a half, maybe two miles,

and I had no idea where we were going...

but then we end up

right here looking at this?

This ain't no fucking coincidence.

Come on, let's get you home.

Take it slow.

See you soon.

Careful now.

Careful?

About what?

Sometimes when we open these doors,

so much love comes flowing out that it'll knock you down

- if you're not ready for it. - We'll be sure to brace ourselves.

Oh, my gosh.

I know.

I just love it in here.

The way it glows like it does.

Particularly in the late afternoon.

It's inspiring, isn't it?

It really is.

Yessirree. This is where we're getting married.

I can't wait to see you walk down this aisle.

Me either.

Have either of you ever been to a lock-in?

A lock-in?

Course she hasn't. She's no Christian.

Oh, yeah, it's loads of fun.

Everybody brings their sleeping bags...

Don't bring the girl into this.

Probably so scared, she doesn't want to do this.

Those vampires made her do it.

They say she can hear me.

I wonder if that fang-loving freak can hear me right now.

She don't look normal.

That lock-in does sound like fun.

We gotta go home and get our sleeping bags now.

But the tour's not even over yet.

I know, but I think we really ought to go

so we can come back for the lockdown.

There's plenty of time to get ready. The lock-in is not until

tomorrow night.

- You wanted to see me? - Oh good. Holly, Rufus,

I'd like you to meet an aide of mine.

This is Gabe.

Pleased to meet you.

Nice, very nice.

She's got the perfect amount of titties showing.

Gabe here is gonna be joining us for the rest of the tour.

I know that pig.

Pig!

Hey, pig!

Wait up, pig!

Stupid fucking pig.

How amazingly exhilarating was that?

- My heart's still pounding. - I know. Mine too.

Hey, why'd you become a pig?

Because I was expecting to see you become a doe again.

Pig is my go-to shift.

It almost seemed like Andy recognized you.

You know?

The way he was yelling at you, like,

"Pig!"

"Pig!"

Isn't "pig" exactly what you would call a pig

that you didn't know?

Yeah, but still, it's... It's weird.

Hush.

Remember me?

Oh, shit.

You do.

How's life?

Not so good.

Is you real?

This is nice.

I could sleep here in a pinch.

What is you doing here? I ain't said nothing to nobody.

And I knew you wouldn't.

Why didn't the fuck y'all just glamour me, huh?

Poor thing. We would have, but then you wouldn't

remember that you owed us.

Owe you?

Eric sent me with a request.

You're back in business.

Oh, no, I ain't.

I'm out of that shit.

So sorry,

but you're very much

back in this shit.

You locked me up

and tortured me for damn near

three motherfucking weeks

because you caught me selling V.

And now...?

Now what?

What the fuck is vampires doing selling V anyway?

We're not, you are.

Get to work.

Now I'd like to take you all to see a very special part of the church.

- There's more? - Yes. My father's tomb.

It's on the lower level.

- Honey, are you sure? - Absolutely, darling.

Steve, I just don't see why we need to take 'em down there.

You can feel the presence of his spirit.

- We don't need to see it. - Oh, I insist.

Our church was built on,

much like St. Peter's tomb in the Catholic Church,

only without being polluted by evil.

Did you know that there was actually a vampire pope

back in the Middle Ages?

- What's the matter? - It's no big deal.

She just has a tiny little case of claustrophobia.

We both do, actually.

Well, at least take a quick little look-see,

that way you can say you saw the whole church

and you make informed discussions.

It's all right, Sarah. This is something they need to see.

But we've already decided that we're getting married here,

so how about we go back to our apartment,

we'll look at a calendar and we'll call you on the phone to set the date.

Get off me!

Is something happening to your human?

Let go of me!

Come on!

A little help here, Gabe!

Pretty sure the banger's on V, the fucking cunt!

Help!

I made you.

Your blood knows mine.

You will never physically

overpower me.

- I got her! - I'm sorry.

Stop fighting me!

What the hell?

Just when I thought today couldn't get any fucking freakier.

People are pigs.

You got that right.

Here. Take this joint.

Shouldn't have smoked that joint,

because this is really freaking my shit out.

I feel like that kid in E.T.

Except instead of following Reese's Pieces, we following clothes.

I ain't never seen E.T. but Reese's Pieces sound real good.

Don't they though?

Who is it?

It's... It's Hoyt.

Come on, open up.

I know you must be mad at me.

I'm so sorry. My mama

canceled my cell service, and I had no way to get in touch.

I got here as fast as I could.

I'm so sorry, Jessica.

I can't believe it.

You came all this way?

You're not mad at me?

I'm so happy, I could cry,

but I don't want to because it's really gross when I do.

And I'm sorry about the flowers too. I got 'em

in Bon Temps before I left, and it was just really hot in my car.

They're beautiful.

Anyone?

I'm up here.

Up here on the balcony.

I just wanted to tell you that uh, Luke and me,

we're done with the... the platform.

Great.

Thank you.

Are you crying?

I'm sorry. You're not supposed to see me like this.

That's okay. Really.

What's the matter?

It's Steve.

He's not the man I thought he was.

Your husband is a great man.

And I feel bad

about what we did last night too,

But we can't try to make it easier on ourselves by...

By blaming the victim.

You and Luke and all the others,

you're not being trained to defend us.

He wants to use you to start a war.

Does that sound like a great man to you?

- What? - Well, he's not one.

And I thought he was,

but lately I've been seeing a side of him I never did before.

He's vicious and he's cruel

and he uses the C-word.

And he lies to me, Jason.

Our marriage has always been a partnership, but he's shutting me out.

Come on, now.

Here.

Don't... Don't cry.

Now, all gone.

- I should go. - When I was a little girl,

I realized that I had a calling.

And I was put here on this Earth

to be that great woman behind her great man.

And when Steve came into my life,

I thought he was that man.

But now I see it

clear as day.

I'm supposed to be with you.

We can't. It's wrong.

- You're married. - Not in my heart.

Not anymore.

And how can this be wrong

if it's what God's commanding me to do.

Think God

really wants this?

You talk to him?

Every single day of my life.

And he wants this, Jason.

Oh, God,

I promise.

- Where are you taking me? - Don't be such a nervous Nellie.

It's a surprise.

What?

You don't like drums?

It's just that in my experience,

no good can come from drum music.

Follow it and all it ever leads you to is hippies and cults.

Not this time.

Sorry, Sam.

What the hell's going on?

What the fuck is this?

It's the end of the road.

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