Original subtitles

I can't tell Jackie what I do for a living,

but I can open her mind.

I want to leave now.

You can fuck off if you think I'm gonna stand here

and let you tell me I'm cheap because I'm black.

Is Han in?

She's out, but I'm in.

Would you be so kind as to remove your shoes?

Run!

- What?!

Get out of my sister!

"My hands clasped his buttocks

"as he carried me across the room and pinned me against the wall.

"I had one foot on the bed, the other wrapped around his hips

"as he lifted me by the waist

"so that my other foot was wedged against the dressing table..."

Yeah. There.

What?

Well, it's that.

One on the bed, one wrapped around his hips, one on the dressing table.

Three feet, Belle.

I moved one.

In the next paragraph you've got three hands.

Each.

For the record, I do it better than I write it.

You've tied yourself up in technicalities.

Look, your readers don't want mechanics, they want sensation.

They have to think sex with you would be mind-blowing.

Right.

Good. Keep going.

Okay.

So, I'm against the wall.

Left foot here, right foot there, hands flying everywhere.

- And tell us how that felt. - Okay. Um...

"Moments later he had me in a wheelbarrow, his hands holding my thighs.

"My hands on the floor as he ran his fingers down my back."

- With both hands on your thighs? - Oh, I don't know.

"His foot moved forward on the floor as he grabbed my other hand

"and pushed my foot down as my other hand reached out for his foot..."

Okay.

It's the worst how-to manual ever.

Sorry.

Look, stop worrying about what goes where. We want to know about desire.

How it works. What's underneath it. What's in your head.

What's in his head.

You want me to explain the fundamental nature of the subconscious?

Yes, please.

And while you're there could I have the moon on a stick?

No problem. Good.

Now, fuck off!

Oh, right. Okay...

Oh.

Ooh!

Bambi.

Belle, you'll never guess what.

No, I never will.

Byron is taking me to The Gaveston!

He's so sweet. I said I'd never been and he remembered.

That's sweet. Is this the client from last week?

Yeah, he's like a duke or a lord or something.

He took me to a rave in a disused tube station.

Then we went to this kebab shop

but it had a jazz club in the basement.

And then we went for breakfast in an Italian cafe

but we ran out without paying.

He's paying you, though, right?

Yeah, of course, he's got loads of money.

It's gonna be so nice to see him again.

Bambi, this is work. Not a date.

I know, I was just saying.

Okay. Just remember he's a client. A client.

I know. I know what I'm doing.

Oh! Hang on.

Hello? Simon Burford. Hello.

Come on up.

Okay, just tell yourself he's this nice to all the other escorts, too.

Really? Really.

I'll see you soon, okay.

Bye. Bye.

Simon?

Sorry, I was just...

Hello. Come in.

Yes. Simon Burford. Hello.

Hello.

Hello. Hi.

Hello.

Oh, shall I take these?

Oh, yes. Thank you.

Now, why don't you make yourself at home?

Can I get you a glass of champagne?

Oh, well, if you've got a bottle open.

Well, not yet, but...

Oh, well, then don't worry.

So, nice place.

How long have you been here?

About four years.

And what do you do?

I do everything.

So what brings you here today, Simon?

I haven't had sex since I was 22.

Okay.

Shall we sort the formalities out first?

It just makes things easier.

Yes, of course. It's all there.

That's lovely of you.

Shall we pop you in the shower?

And I'll be in there when you're ready.

Shall I take this?

Right.

It's just through there.

It's so sad when they're like that.

But give me an hour with him, I'll give you a new man.

Nice suit.

Thanks. What do you do for a living?

I'm an actuary.

An actuary.

Yes. I evaluated the risks in coming here,

put them on a spreadsheet...

Risks?

It's an actuary joke. Sorry.

Look, are you sure you're okay with this?

Yeah, of course. I mean, you must get some real perverts.

If I'm lucky.

Yeah, but you have to have sex with them.

Yeah, but it's not like that.

No, no, sorry. Sorry.

Would you like to kiss me?

Is that okay?

It's all okay.

Why don't you tell me what you'd like to do?

To have sex.

How?

Just ordinary.

Why don't you tell me what you'd really like?

To fuck you.

How, Simon?

I want to...

Say it.

I want to fuck you really hard. Sorry.

I'd like that.

Yes, of course, sorry.

Okay, well, here goes.

Is that all right? Yeah.

Do you like that?

Yeah. It's good.

You're so big.

Am I?

Not too big? Am I hurting you?

No, no. No, that was really good.

Yeah. You know, before, when you told me what you wanted to do.

Why don't you tell me again?

Really? Mmm-hmm.

I want to fuck you.

I want that, too.

I want to fuck you really hard.

I want to make you come. You will.

I want to make you scream.

Oh, God, yeah.

Come on, let's do it.

Let's do it like dirty dogs.

Yeah.

Oh, you love it like this, you dirty cow!

Yeah.

Yeah, you great big cow.

Uh-uh.

Yeah! I'm going to make you squeal.

Oh, make me squeal!

I'm going to fuck you hard, you little piggy.

Fuck me! Fuck me hard!

Yeah? Yeah? You dirty, dirty, dirty goat!

Tell me you're a dirty goat!

I'm so dirty. I'm a goat.

Oh, yeah! Say you're a cock-hungry chicken.

I'm a cock-hungry chicken!

Say you're a dirty ewe!

I'm a you. A you... You what?

It's a female sheep. Oh, right, yeah.

Bleat like a sheep. Bleat like a sheep.

Sorry I'm late. I woke up in Hastings.

You all right?

Yeah. Fine.

I didn't think I was going to see you again.

Really? Why?

Hop on.

Simon, can I ask, did you grow up on a farm?

I'm sorry. I didn't want to...

Don't worry.

But I made you bleat.

Yeah.

It was fun.

It was funny. It was sweet.

No. No, it's not. It demeans you.

Oh, whatever works.

Is that why it's been so long?

My ex-girlfriend,

she told everyone.

I was the animal guy

at college for three years.

Everyone has something they like.

It's okay, come here.

Come here. Oh.

Mmm.

Han.

Oh! Hello.

Who are you?

Aren't you supposed to be at work? Tuesday. Half day.

You never told me that.

I'm really sorry. I had no idea.

I'm her sister.

You've got a sister! Oh, God.

He's a sort of boyfriend.

He's going through a bit of a difficult time.

Simon? And you can give me those back.

I'm cooking. Do you want some?

What? I'm cooking. Do you want some?

No, just had a sandwich.

How about I cook for you tomorrow then?

I'm sorry, I'm being such a nuisance.

How much longer do you think you're gonna be here for?

I'm trying to be nice here, Hannah.

Okay, all right. Tomorrow.

This is abt Ben, isn't it?

What? No.

I know he's your friend.

Yeah, he is. He's my best friend.

Can't we be a bit more grown-up than that?

You're married. That's how grown-up you are. Married.

And my husband is fucking a temp.

I need something, Han. And that something is Ben.

It's like the difference between a push-bike and a Harley.

Yeah, and I'm sure I used to think that when he was my boyfriend.

Yeah.

Did he ever do that thing, where he put his tongue...

I'm just... No!

Dinner at 7:00, tomorrow.

Lovely.

They say you can take the boy out of rural Lincolnshire,

but you can't take the rural Lincolnshire out of the boy.

I can't send that.

Hmm.

We want to know about desire. How it works.

What's underneath it.

I always feel sorry for the nervous ones.

And Simon was as nervous as they get.

Hello. Hello.

Hello. Hi.

Giving men like this a bit of confidence is a public service.

Once I'd encouraged him, Simon really took control.

Sex with you would be mind-blowing.

As he threw me back onto the bed

and firmly pushed my legs open,

I thought, "I love my job."

What?

It's just whatever it takes to get it written, okay?

You can't... You can't choose what's in your subconscious, can you?

Attach. Love, Belle.

Kiss, kiss.

No kiss.

Hello!

Why can't I come in there?

Because I am cooking for you.

What's going on?

Hey. Come up.

You haven't. Jackie.

Hi!

Hey, you. Hey.

You're here.

Yeah. I live here.

Yeah. How are you?

What, since yesterday? Fine.

You know, just doing what I do.

Dinner in 10 minutes!

Dinner? What were you expecting?

You know what? Don't answer that.

It was meant to be a surprise.

Oh, it was.

Venison steaks with a red wine and blackberry reduction.

I think it looks delicious.

Aw. Thanks, Ben.

I can't do this.

Han? I should go after her.

No. She just wants a reaction.

Besides, it gives us a bit more time together.

Yeah, good.

Some time together.

Alone again.

I should have thrown them out the flat, not myself.

It really is... Really is very cold.

Hey, babes. You checking up on me?

No. Are you in town?

No, no, no. I'm just with a client. Are you okay?

No, it's fine.

I was just wondering if you were around for a drink. Don't worry.

No, sorry, babes. Listen, I'd better go.

Okay. Bye.

Bye.

So this is me.

Is this the whole flat?

No, there's a loo through there.

It's very nice.

I don't usually keep my knickers on the boiler.

Yeah, well, I usually keep mine in the fridge, you know.

Champagne?

Ketchup?

You are properly mental, you are.

I've had more fun with you than with anyone.

Am I your best client?

Not just with a client, with anyone.

Since ever.

That's a bit wrong, isn't it?

Is it?

See, the thing is, Bam Bam,

you make me forget that this is your job.

Hello? Who's there?

Only me. Hello.

Belle. Everything okay?

Yeah. No, no, no. I was just... I was just passing.

Oh, you got the new chapter?

Oh, this is something else we're working on.

Autobiography.

Very funny. Oh, sorry. Should...

No, I'm joking. It is yours.

Oh, okay.

It's really good.

Good.

Are you going to stand there all evening? Have a seat.

I like the new tone.

Thanks.

It's very sexy. Steamy, even.

He grasped my hips and guided himself into position.

He pinned me to the bed and fucked me hard.

It's not that different, is it? The tone?

It sounded like you had a real connection with the guy. No?

Something like that.

Should I... Would you like a drink?

You're not... You're not busy?

Well, not since I was so rudely interrupted.

Uh... Whiskey?

Oh! Okay.

I'll just use...

Cheers. Cheers.

As long as you don't mind mixing business with pleasure.

Well, that's what I do.

Well, this is powerful stuff. Daring, too.

You're really unapologetic about your enjoyment of the job.

This... This third paragraph is lovely.

People don't normally think of sucking cock as lovely.

I do.

I should, um...

I should go.

Jackie will probably be asleep by now.

Well, next time you want to drop in uninvited, feel free to call first.

Sorry.

Sorry, it was a joke.

Oh! Bad joke.

I've enjoyed it. Me, too.

Well, good night.

So, another chapter next week?

Sure.

I don't fancy him, okay?

This is a professional relationship.

There are lines you just can't cross.

What? Okay, a bit.

I fancy him a bit.

But, you know, like only in the same way that you fancy, say,

one of your teachers.

Fancying him and doing something about it are very different things.

Nothing will happen. Nothing can happen.

What is your idea of fun, Duncan?

That dress. How do you get into something like that?

It's got a zip, here.