Original subtitles

Belle: I get a rush from this job that I wouldn't get from a normal job.

I have a number, a place to meet and a name.

- Why do you wanna escort, Bambi? - Money.

Stephanie: Bambi, sweetheart, it's the only job where the less you've worked,

- the more you can charge. - Half of which she takes, by the way.

- Are you just going to undermine me, Belle? - No, I'm just being honest.

Do you wanna go for a drink?

A real girlfriend going on a real date-- I'm just not sure if that's me.

Ben: You can't keep it from him. That's completely out of order.

And it's out of order to use me as some sort of decoy.

- I can't go out with you. - We're just starting.

Don't run scared already.

Jackie: Thanks to all of you for coming out here today,

even those of you who only just made it.

Oh, no, actually, that's just Hannah.

- So it's going well with Alex? - I'm gonna tell him.

- I'm gonna tell Alex today. - What the fuck is going on?!

Hannah's a prostitute. Did you fucking know that?

Whatever you think she is, that's not her.

And you're in love with her.

I've given up escorting. Got a job.

- Hannah: Completely unemployable. - Ben: Be something you can do.

- Writer, writer. - Writer, yeah.

Write about what you know.

- Hannah: "Once upon a time,

there was an escort called Belle."

Oh, the prodigal daughter has returned.

- What do you want? - A job.

He's a publisher's assistant.

His boss might be interested in your book.

I told him you were a middle class call girl

- and then his eyes lit up. - Ben!

Woman: How does it feel to be the latest literary sensation?

Hannah: Actually, it feels pretty good.

Now that you found this new career,

ever see yourself giving up?

Never. Girl's gotta do her research.

Belle: What I do is not so different from a conventional career, is it?

The same basic rules apply.

If you want to stay on top,

you need to be in control at all times.

Belle: If there's one thing this job has taught me,

it's that you can't just lie back and expect things to just happen.

If you want to diversify, you've got to grab your opportunities,

seize your moments, don't let them pass you by.

Timing is everything.

And you have to be versatile.

Transferable skills are a must.

And you thought you knew everything about me.

You're welcome.

Great disguise.

Enjoy. It's a triumph already.

Am I allowed to talk to you?

Yeah, but can you not pull that face?

You look like you're having a stroke.

I'm trying to be discreet.

- Why are you wearing a bowtie? - What's wrong with it?

Nothing. It's just not very you.

You've got to look the part, haven't you?

It was either this or a cravat.

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the launch

of Atwood and Kalberg's latest title.

"The Secret Life of a London Call Girl"

makes no apologies

for lifting the lid on the sex life of our capital.

It's not for the faint-hearted,

but it does make for a scintillating read.

And we are extremely proud to be launching it tonight.

Whoo!

The author passes on her apologies, she can't be with us tonight.

If you read the book, you'll understand she has a very busy schedule.

But we do have the pleasure of hearing an extract.

Guests with pacemakers may want to retire to the drawing room.

I don't believe that.

I know. They can't be real. Look at the size of them.

That's supposed to be me?

Talk about perpetuating a myth. This is ridiculous.

What? Looks good.

Woman: The first thing you should know...

...is that I am a whore.

Oh, Jesus.

Best take two, love.

I'm very high class, which means I charge by the hour...

Belle: And I charge a lot.

No money, no honey.

Never play until they pay.

Oh, come on. I've gotta be in here somewhere.

Belle: Fortunately, however...

It's only my manager who ever robs me blind.

No longer able to shake her own moneymaker.

Belle: The terrible old tart takes 40 percent

of our fees.

So if you want to know

what really goes on behind closed doors,

come with me.

I'll tell you everything I know.

- Whoo!

Sound good, didn't it?

Hey. Where you going? It wasn't that bad.

To throw myself off the fire escape.

Apparently, she doesn't even exist.

It's all just part of a clever marketing campaign.

It's awful, isn't it? It's so misogynistic.

I bet it's written by a man.

Oh! I used to be a waitress.

Don't worry, it won't be forever.

One of my favorite clients.

A real gentleman.

Hello. I was wondering if I could introduce myself.

Ben. Hi.

Belle: What's the point in staying there

when there's some real fun to be had?

Can I?

So what brings you here anyway? You don't work at the company, do you?

I'm in PR there. I'm sure I would've remembered you.

My friend wrote the book.

Actually I'm here on her behalf because she's not here.

She's definitely not here.

- Your friend? - Yes. Yep.

Tell me more about this friend.

Are you very close?

Yeah. I guess we are.

But not like that.

- Just mates. - Tell the truth.

- Sorry? - It's you, isn't it?

Hmm?

You are the London Call Girl.

I have read every word you've written

and I cannot tell you how it turns me on.

Just talk like you write.

Okay, but I've got to warn you.

I do a lot of re-drafting.

Don't be modest.

I'm going to take off all your clothes.

Yes.

Then I'm going to...

What? What are you going to do?

Gonna throw you on the bed.

Go on, then.

You sexy bitch. You really turn me on.

Are you okay?

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Fucking hell!

Do you want to take a breather for a minute?

Yeah.

Maybe for just like five minutes or something.

You know that section in the book where Belle gets

whisked off to Paris by a celebrity client?

Was that based on a true story or did you just make that up?

That was true.

That wasn't in the book, Ben.

- Get dressed then, shall I? - If you wouldn't mind.

Yeah.

So, are you going to keep me in suspense all night?

Hmm?

You've forgotten, haven't you? I knew it.

Sorry. You're going to have to help me out here.

Is it your birthday?

No. Oh, my God! You've really forgotten, haven't you?

- What do you take me for? - Yeah.

Huh?

Now, I saved the receipt, so... Unh-unh.

Look, if it doesn't fit or if the color isn't right, you have to let me know, okay?

Yes, yes, yes. Can I open it?

- Okay. - Okay.

- It's perfect. - Yeah? Try it on.

Okay, but you can't look. I want you to have the full effect.

Okay.

Ready. Ta-da!

You look beautiful.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

I think this even beats the King Kong snow-globe.

Yes!

Are you okay?

Not really, no.

What is it?

I don't know.

I'm just having a bit of a crisis of confidence.

Seriously? Are you for real?

I mean, that was the best sex I've had in...

No, no. Not with this.

Jesse, do you ever feel like

you've bitten off more than you can chew?

- All the time. - Yeah?

What do you do about it?

I either spit it out or swallow.

That's good advice.

You asked!

- Keep it on. - Okay.

Belle: Breezing through reception areas looking inconspicuous

is my forte.

Usually.

At my publishers office,

I feel I might as well be wearing a flashing sign that reads "Hooker."

None of these people know the truth.

As far as they're concerned, I'm just another author.

An author!

Maybe I can fake it till I make it!

- Good to see you. - Hi.

Come in.

Have a seat.

So, how did you find it last night? I noticed you left early.

Yeah, going incognito was not quite as much fun as I'd hoped.

A bit surreal?

Surreal, yes, that. Definitely.

"Excruciatingly painful" also springs to mind. I don't know.

I think being in disguise is a great way

to hear what the critics think.

Well, people will always want to have an opinion.

But, if it's any consolation,

have a look at that.

It's your first review.

They're right. It's intelligent,

witty, wry...

So, book two.

We need to really jump on the success of this first book.

How does three months sound for a first draft?

No rest for the wicked.

Look, I know it doesn't sound like long,

but by the time we've factored in editing, type-setting, proofing.

Yeah, no. It wasn't that.

It was-- I don't know. I'm just feeling a bit--

- Daunted? - Daunted, yeah.

Understandably. I want you to go even further

- with your second book. - Oh, God.

You're more than capable, Belle.

When you say "even further..."

I think this next book

could be a real psychological exploration

of you,

your clients.

I want you to plunder your soul.

I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to plunder.

I want you to put your trust in me completely, Belle.

I know it's a lot to ask, but I won't let you down.

Why did I just agree to that?

If I'm going to write a second book,

I'm going to have to do some serious whoring.

- Oh! Darling! - Hiya.

Bright little number.

Yeah. Do you think it's a bit much?

- You got something for me? - Yes.

Wonderful.

It's good, that book, isn't it?

- I've read it three times. - Have you?

Yeah. I think it's really life-like.

Well, all the girls are talking about it.

Seems a little distasteful to me.

And the madam... Oh, good God, a pantomime villain.

Who on Earth behaves like that?

I don't know. She seems all right.

I wonder who she is.

So, are we done or is there anything else you want to talk to me about?

- No, no, nothing. - Excellent. Ciao.

Darling.

- Three times? - Sorry?

It only came out on the shelves yesterday. You're quick, aren't you?

- Ciao, darling.

Give my love to Belle.

Onwards and upwards.

An overnighter in Mayfair.

Book two, here I come.

- Welcome. - Thanks.

I'm going to have a mint tea first while I get changed. Can I get you one?

No, thanks. Not while I'm working.

- Oh.

Probably takes a bit of time to get warmed up.

Belle: So, chapter one. Mr. Mayfair, it turns out,

has an insatiable appetite

for grinding away for hours on end.

We might as well be whittling a chair leg.

Is everything okay?

Everything's great, you're great.

I just thought there might be something we can do

to make things a bit more special for you.

This is fine.

How about a bit of tie and tease?

- I have claustrophobia. - Isn't that confined spaces?

Well, that's a big part of it, yes,

but I have quite an extreme type

which also includes a fear of being bound

or constricted in any way.

Right.

- Shall I carry on? - Please do.

- I also have a fear of heights. - Do you?

Yes. I imagine they're probably connected in some way.

Heights and confinement.

Fascinating thing, isn't it? The human mind...

Riveting.

The thing about phobias people don't realize

is they're all rooted

to some form of neuroses in childhood.

I read this fascinating article the other week.

- Belle: I know what you're gonna say. - Do you?

Not every client I have makes for good material.

But you know what? I did the best I could with the little I had.

Which by the way, was hours staring at a ceiling,

listening to a list of phobias...

- It's brilliant. - Really?

- Really? - It's very funny.

It's intelligent, insightful.

You're a natural raconteur.

I think this is going to be even better than your first book.

Which, I might add,

is really saying something.

- What's this? - Print-run figures.

Don't get your hopes up about being a millionaire just yet,

but I think you'll agree, pretty impressive.

- Fuck me! - Exactly.

Ooh!

Looks great.

It must feel amazing.

Yeah. It's not bad. Come on.

You've not even told me what you think of the book yet.

You haven't read it, have you?

Yeah. Sort of.

I've read it three times.

How can you "sort of" read it, Ben?

Well, I've read the whatsit on the back.

You know, the...

I'll start properly tonight.

- What? I've been busy. - No, you haven't.

- I've read it three times. - Yeah. Thanks, Bambi. There's loyalty for you.

You should read it. You're in it loads.

- Am I? - Yeah.

I've called you "Jeremy."

Jeremy? What the fuck are you saying with that?

- What'd you think of Letitia then? - What?

I thought I'd call you Letitia. I thought it would suit you.

But then actually I worried that it might be a bit tacky.

- I'm Letitia? - Yeah, of course you are. Could you not tell?

Oh, my days! Letitia is amazing!

- Yeah! - She's a scream!

I'm Letitia. That's me. Oh, my bloody days!

- All right, steady on. Jesus. - I'm sorry.

I am starring in a book. I can't believe it.

- Stop it! - I'm a star!

If they do make it into a film,

- I'm not being called fucking Jeremy though. - Okay.

Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, should we?

I think it'll make an awesome film.

I'm talking to Belle about the film.

All right. Steady on, Bambi.

Jackie?

Why don't you answer your bloody phone?

I've been calling you for ages.

- Who is it? - It's my sister. What's the matter?

Patrick's having an affair.

I need to stay here for a while.

Prostitute, author,

sister-- shit!

Jackie!

I'm Byron. How the fuck are you?

- Is Han in? - She's out.

- But I'm in. - Huh.

I know it was you who wrote that filthy little book.

I don't know what you're talking about.

We need to talk.