Original subtitles

HI.

TROUBLE, HUH?

AFRAID SO. I WAS TAKING A SHORTCUT

AND ONE OF YOUR LOCAL COWS

SUDDENLY DECIDED TO CROSS THE ROAD.

I SWERVED TO AVOID HITTING HER.

I MISSED THE COW, BUT I DIDN'T MISS THE DITCH.

GEE, THAT'S A SHAME.

BRAND NEW CAR, TOO.

I MUST HAVE HIT SOMETHING UNDERNEATH.

THERE'S OIL LEAKING.

I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.

WE GOT A SIGN BACK THERE SAYS "CATTLE CROSSING"

BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN, WE'LL GET A JAYWALKER.

IT CAN HAPPEN.

WELL, I'LL GO BACK INTO TOWN

AND GET OUR GARAGE MAN TO GET THE TRUCK

AND TOW YOU IN.

WANT TO RIDE WITH ME?

WELL, THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY.

I'LL JUST MAKE A CALL.

WE DON'T HAVE ANY PHONES AROUND HERE.

IN MY CAR.

OH!

HELP YOURSELF.

OKAY.

TURN THAT LITTLE SWITCH IN THE CENTER.

NOW, FIRST YOU'LL GET THE MOBILE OPERATOR.

PRESS THAT BUTTON ON THE RECEIVER.

OH.

O

THIS IS, UH, KG6-2114.

UH, COULD I SPEAK TO 363 IN MAYBERRY, PLEASE?

HELLO?

OH, HEY, ANDY.

HEY, GOOBER, YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHERE I'M CALLING FROM.

UH, THE OFFICE?

THE HOUSE?

I GIVE UP. WHERE?

I'M CALLING FROM A PHONE INSIDE A CAR.

YOU KNOW I NEVER DRINK.

WELL, LISTEN, LISTEN.

YOU MEAN YOU'RE ACTUALLY TALKING FROM ONE OF THEM CAR TELEPHONES?

YEAH. HEY, HEY, LISTEN, GOOBER.

THERE'S BEEN AN ACCIDENT OUT HERE ON THE JUNIPER ROAD

ABOUT A MILE AND A HALF FROM THE LAKE.

BETTER GET YOUR TRUCK OUT HERE RIGHT AWAY.

RIGHT. OKAY. BYE.

THERE WE ARE.

WELL, YEAH, I CAN FIX THAT OIL PAN, ALL RIGHT.

BE GOOD AS NEW.

HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE?

BEST PART OF A DAY.

ALL RIGHT, GO AHEAD.

I BETTER GET YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS

FOR MAKING OUT THE BILL.

THE NAME IS FOSTER.

THAT'S WITH A "F."

WILLARD FOSTER.

403 ELM STREET IN RALEIGH.

THE BIG TOWN, HUH?

WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, MR. FOSTER?

GOOBER!

WELL, ANDY, ANYBODY'S GOT A PHONE IN THEIR CAR

IS BOUND TO BE SOMEBODY SPECIAL.

STILL, THAT'S NO CALL TO ASK A MAN

WHAT HE DOES FOR A LIVING.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT, SHERIFF.

I MANUFACTURE FURNITURE POLISH.

YOU WOULDN'T BE THE FOSTER OF FOSTER FURNITURE POLISH?

RIGHT. WELL, I'LL BE DOGGED.

WE SEE YOUR ADVERTISEMENTS ON TV ALL THE TIME.

WELL, I'M GLAD TO HEAR THAT.

THAT SURE IS A PRETTY GIRL--

THE ONE THAT HOLDS UP THE CAN OF POLISH.

YOU LIKE THAT ONE, HUH?

YEAH.

UH, WOULD IT MAKE YOU WANT TO GO OUT AND BUY

FOSTER FURNITURE POLISH?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT I SURE WOULD LIKE

TO GO OUT WITH THAT GIRL.

YES, I'M AFRAID THAT'S WHAT I HEAR ALL THE TIME.

THEY'RE SO BUSY LOOKING AT THE GIRL

THEY DON'T HAVE ANY TIME TO LOOK AT THE PRODUCT.

WELL, I BETTER LET YOU GET TO WORK.

I'LL KILL SOME TIME LOOKING AROUND THE TOWN

AND MAYBE GET A BITE TO EAT.

I WAS JUST ON MY WAY HOME.

WHY DON'T YOU COME AND EAT WITH ME?

OH, THAT'S VERY KIND OF YOU, SHERIFF.

I KNOW MY AUNT WOULD LOVE TO MEET YOU.

SHE USES YOUR FURNITURE POLISH ALL THE TIME.

WELL, IN THAT CASE, I'D BE HAPPY TO MEET HER, TOO.

WELL, GOOD.

LET'S GO.

UH, MR. FOSTER

IF I HAVE TO GET A SPECIAL TOOL OR SOMETHING

CAN I USE THE PHONE IN YOUR CAR?

OF COURSE.

YOU GOT A PHONE RIGHT THERE IN THE STATION.

MR. FOSTER SAID I COULD USE IT.

COME ON IN, MR. FOSTER.

COME RIGHT IN.

UH, AUNT BEE?

YES?

OH!

I BROUGHT A GUEST FOR LUNCH.

OH, FINE!

AUNT BEE, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MR. WILLARD FOSTER.

HELLO. HOW DO YOU DO?

THIS IS THE MR. FOSTER OF FOSTER'S FURNITURE POLISH.

NO!

IN PERSON.

OH! WELL, THIS IS AN HONOR, MR. FOSTER!

WON'T YOU SIT DOWN

MR. FOSTER?

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.

WELL...

OH, WELL, I'LL GET LUNCH IN A JIFFY!

THANK YOU.

I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT A THRILL IT IS

TO HAVE YOU WITH US, MR. FOSTER.

YOU KNOW, I USE YOUR POLISH ALL THE TIME.

SO YOUR NEPHEW TELLS ME. HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?

WELL, I'VE BEEN USING IT FOR YEARS

AND ALL I CAN SAY IS, IT DOES THE JOB FOR ME.

GIVES ME A WONDERFULLY HARD, GLOSSY SHINE

AND IT SEEMS TO LAST A LOT LONGER

THAN THE OTHERS I'VE TRIED.

SOUNDS LIKE ONE OF YOUR TELEVISION ADVERTISEMENTS.

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, IT SOUNDS A WHOLE LOT BETTER.

INSTEAD OF ALL THOSE ACTRESSES THEY KEEP SENDING ME

MAYBE I'D BE BETTER OFF

TO HAVE A REAL PERSON TALK ABOUT MY PRODUCT.

NOT A BAD IDEA.

SOMEONE THAT'S USED TO KEEPING HOUSE.

Andy: I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT

BUT WHEN A COMMERCIAL SOUNDS REAL

I GUESS I PAY MORE ATTENTION TO IT.

YES.

DELICIOUS!

THIS IS ONE OF AUNT BEE'S SPECIALTIES.

TUNA, ISN'T IT?

MM-HMM. WE HAVE TUNA ABOUT ONCE A WEEK.

I SUPPOSE YOU COME HOME FOR LUNCH

ALMOST EVERY DAY, HMM?

Andy: JUST ABOUT.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU LIVED IN MAYBERRY, SHERIFF?

YOU KNOW, THAT'S AN EXCELLENT IDEA.

WHAT?

HAVING A REAL PERSON TALK ABOUT YOUR PRODUCT.

I KNOW I'D BELIEVE IT A LOT MORE

IF I HEARD A REAL PERSON SAY

"I GET A WONDERFUL, GLOSSY SHINE WITH IT

AND IT LASTS LONGER THAN THE OTHERS I'VE TRIED."

I EXPECT IT WOULD BE BETTER, YEAH.

WELL, IF YOU ASK ME

IT SHOULD JUST BE AN AVERAGE WOMAN

IN A SMALL TOWN.

YOU KNOW, SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY USES YOUR POLISH

AND KNOWS WHAT A WONDERFULLY HARD, GLOSSY SHINE IT GIVES.

YES, YES, YOU...

YOU KNOW, I'VE JUST HAD A WILD THOUGHT.

OH?

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

ME? GO ON TELEVISION

AND SAY WHAT A WONDERFULLY HARD, GLOSSY SHINE IT GIVES?

YES, YES.

WELL, FOR GOODNESS SAKES!

OH...

WELL...

THIS IS SO SUDDEN, ISN'T IT, ANDY?

YES, YOU MIGHT SAY THAT.

YES, AND WE COULD FILM THE COMMERCIALS

RIGHT HERE IN THE HOUSE.

RIGHT IN THE HOUSE?

YES, IT WOULD MAKE IT SEEM REAL.

GIVE IT THAT NATURAL EFFECT.

OH, YOU'RE SO PERSUASIVE, MR. FOSTER.

THEN IT'S SETTLED.

YOU KNOW, IF THIS ALL WORKS OUT

YOU COULD BECOME OUR OFFICIAL REPRESENTATIVE.

WELL, YOU WOULD BE "THE FOSTER LADY."

"THE FOSTER LADY?"

"THE FOSTER LADY!"

OH, THIS IS BIG, ANDY.

IT'S BIG.

YEAH. GOING TO BE SHOWN ALL OVER THE COUNTRY.

WELL, I DESERVE SOME OF THE CREDIT, YOU KNOW.

YOU? WELL, YEAH.

IF I DIDN'T HAVE TO FIX HIS CAR

HE NEVER WOULD'VE HAD TIME TO HAVE LUNCH AT YOUR HOUSE

AND MEET AUNT BEE.

HEY, LOOK WHO'S COMING--

MAYBERRY'S LADY OF THE HOUR.

HI!

STILL SAYING HELLO TO YOUR OLD FRIENDS

OR ARE YOU TOO BIG FOR THAT NOW?

OH, FLOYD!

REMEMBER, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS

WE KNEW YOU WHEN.

OH, FLOYD, YOU KNOW I'LL NEVER GET TOO BIG TO KNOW MY FRIENDS.

WHEN ARE THE TV PEOPLE COMING?

WELL, MR. FOSTER SAID IT'D BE A COUPLE OF DAYS.

THEY'LL LET ME KNOW.

TELL THE TRUTH, BEE.

HAVE YOU GOT BUTTERFLIES?

HAVE I?

I CAN'T KEEP THEM QUIET.

YOU KNOW... YOU KNOW, I NEVER DREAMED

WHEN I USED TO SIT IN THE SECOND BALCONY

AND WATCH CLARA KIMBALL YOUNG

THAT IT COULD HAPPEN TO ME!

WELL, WHO KNOWS?

ONE OF THESE DAYS

I'LL BE HANGING UP A CALENDAR IN THE SHOP

WITH YOUR PICTURE ON IT.

OH, FLOYD!

I'VE BEEN USING FOSTER'S FURNITURE POLISH FOR YEARS

AND ALL I KNOW IS THAT IT DOES THE JOB FOR ME.

HEY! THAT SOUNDS GOOD.

OH. WELL, I HAVE TO DO A LITTLE REHEARSING

IF I'M GOING TO DO A GOOD JOB.

IT SOUNDED FINE TO ME, HUH, OPE?

YEAH. IF I WAS A LADY

I'D SURE LIKE TO GO OUT AND BUY

SOME FOSTER'S FURNITURE POLISH.

WELL, THANK YOU, OPIE.

COURSE, I HOPE TO GET A LOT BETTER.

WELL, SUPPER'LL BE READY IN ABOUT 15 MINUTES.

OKAY, LET'S WASH UP.

COURSE, I CAN'T PROMISE YOU HOW GOOD IT'LL BE.

I'VE BEEN KIND OF NERVOUS AND EXCITED ALL DAY.

WELL, I DON'T BLAME YOU.

THIS IS A BIG YEAR FOR THE TAYLORS--

ELIZABETH AND AUNT BEE.

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS--

COMPARING ME TO SOMEONE LIKE ELIZABETH TAYLOR.

AUNT BEE! AUNT BEE! THEY'RE HERE!

THE TELEVISION PEOPLE!

Bee: OH, MY! I NEVER DREAMED THERE'D BE SO MANY OF THEM.

OH, MY, JUST FOR ME? WELL, COME ON, OPIE.

WELL, WELCOME TO MAYBERRY.

I'M BEE TAYLOR AND THIS IS OPIE.

HI, HOW ARE YOU? I'M JIM MARTIN, THE DIRECTOR.

AND I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET BOB SAUNDERS, MY ASSISTANT.

THIS IS SID HICKOK, OUR CAMERAMAN.

BURT, THE REST OF THE CREW, DOWN THERE.

AND THIS IS EVE KREIGER-- SHE'LL BE DOING YOUR MAKEUP.

MAKEUP?

OH, JUST A TOUCH. YOU WANT TO GET THE SHOW ON THE ROAD?

ON THE ROAD?

OH, I'M SORRY.

THAT'S HOW WE SAY "LET'S GET THINGS ROLLING."

OH! OH, I SEE. WELL, LET'S!

FINE. BRING THE REST OF THAT STUFF IN,

YOU GUYS, COME ON.

BURT? GOT IT.

FINE. THAT'S GOOD, EVE.

AS YOU KNOW, WE WON'T BE USING A SCRIPT.

I WANT YOU TO DO THIS IN YOUR OWN WORDS.

YES, I KNOW THAT, MR. MARTIN.

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M GOING TO SAY.

FINE. WHAT I WANT TO CAPTURE ON FILM

IS YOUR COMPLETE HONESTY...

READY WHENEVER YOU ARE.

OH, GOOD. WELL, LET'S TRY ONE.

YOU MEAN WE'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO DO IT?

YEAH. RIGHT NOW?

NOW IS AS GOOD A TIME AS ANY.

EVERYBODY SET?

Man: RIGHT.

OKAY.

WELL, THIS IS SOME PRODUCTION, HUH?

YEAH. BOY, THIS IS EXCITING.

HEY, THERE'S OPE.

HI, OPE.

HI, PAW.

HOW'S EVERYTHING GOING?

GREAT, PAW.

WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING?

NOTHING.

NOW, JUST RELAX. RELAX.

REMEMBER, THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO JUST BE YOURSELF.

OKAY? MM-HMM.

ALL RIGHT, FINE.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY SET?

Man: RIGHT.

OKAY. BOB?

ROLL 'EM.

OH, ANDY!

SPEED?

I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY NEPHEW.

HOLD IT. CUT. HI.

HI.

NICE TO KNOW YOU.

AND THIS IS GOOBER FROM THE FILLING STATION.

HEY. I SURE AM HAPPY TO BE MEET YOU.

SAME HERE.

I'M THE FELLA WHO FIXED MR. FOSTER'S CAR

AND THAT STARTED THE WHOLE THING.

OH, WONDERFUL.

MISS TAYLOR?

OH, EXCUSE US. GOOBER?

ALL RIGHT, I'M READY.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY SET?

OKAY, BOB.

ROLL 'EM.

SPEED.

FOSTER FURNITURE POLISH COMMERCIAL, TAKE ONE.

ACTION!

ANDY, WHY AIN'T SHE SAYIN' NOTHING?

I DON'T KNOW. SHH.

UH, CUT.

UH, AREN'T YOU READY?

I'M AWFULLY SORRY.

I GUESS I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS

WITH ALL THE PEOPLE AND THE LIGHTS AND CAMERA.

OF COURSE, OF COURSE.

WELL, YOU JUST FORGET

THERE'S LIGHTS AND CAMERA AND PEOPLE.

YOU'RE IN YOUR OWN HOME, SPEAKING LIKE YOU WOULD

TO A NEIGHBOR WHO JUST DROPPED IN.

SIMPLE AS THAT. MM-HMM.

OKAY? MM-HMM.

YOU WANT TO TRY IT AGAIN?

MM-HMM.

OVER HERE. WHOOPS.

UH-HUH... OKAY... ALL RIGHT... HERE WE GO.

BOB?

ROLL 'EM.

SPEED.

FOSTER FURNITURE POLISH COMMERCIAL, TAKE TWO.

ACTION!

GO ON, GO ON.

CUT IT.

I'M SORRY, BUT...

IS IT IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO HIT THE STICKS

JUST AS I'M ABOUT TO SPEAK?

NO. NO, NOT IF THAT'S WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU.

WELL, IT IS, JUST A LITTLE.

I DON'T MEAN THIS AS ANY CRITICISM

BUT YOU HAVE A VERY STRONG VOICE.

OH, WELL, I'M SORRY.

OKAY, UH...

: BOB, WE'LL END-SLATE IT AT THE LAB.

OKAY, MISS TAYLOR. WHENEVER YOU'RE READY.

MM-HMM.

: HELLO THERE.

THIS IS BEE TAYLOR FROM MAYBERRY

HERE TO TELL YOU ABOUT WONDERFUL FOSTER'S FURNITURE POLISH.

I'VE BEEN USING IT FOR YEARS

AND ALL I KNOW IS THAT IT DOES THE JOB FOR ME

SO WHY DON'T YOU BUY A CAN OF THIS WONDERFUL POLISH

AND SOON YOU'LL BE SAYING IT DOES THE WORK FOR ME, TOO.

UH, CUT.

SHE'S REAL GOOD, PAW.

YEAH, SHE'S GOT REAL TALENT.

WELL, AT LEAST SHE'S GETTING THE WORDS OUT.

UH, THAT WAS, UH...

THAT WAS VERY GOOD, MISS TAYLOR

FOR A FIRST TRY.

I FEEL A LOT BETTER

WITHOUT THOSE CLACKING STICKS.

YEAH.

AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

OH, QUITE ALL RIGHT.

UM, I THINK YOU'RE BEGINNING TO RELAX

SO WE'LL TRY IT AGAIN.

MM-HMM, I FEEL A LOT BETTER.

FINE, FINE.

I THINK WE'VE GOT THE SHOW ON THE ROAD.

YES.

...SO GO TO YOUR NEAREST STORE TODAY

AND BUY SOME, BUT BE SURE TO TELL THEM

THAT YOUR GOOD FRIEND AND NEIGHBOR, BEE TAYLOR OF MAYBERRY, SENT YOU.

GOOD-BYE, OUT THERE!

UH, CUT.

WELL, HOW WAS THAT ONE?

UH... NOT BAD

BUT I WOULDN'T THROW THE KISSES.

HI, MR. FOSTER.

HI, ANDY.

I THOUGHT I'D DROP BY

AND SEE HOW OUR STAR IS DOING.

OH, HOW NICE TO SEE YOU, MR. FOSTER.

NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

WELL, JIM, WAS I EXAGGERATING?

ISN'T SHE WONDERFUL?

OH, SHE'S WONDERFUL.

IT'S, UH, IT'S BEEN GOING A LITTLE SLOW.

OH, WE'RE NOT OUT TO BREAK ANY SPEED RECORDS.

JUST AS LONG AS WE GET RESULTS.

WELL, I DIDN'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT YOUR WORK.

EXCUSE ME.

COME ON IN, MR. FOSTER.

ANDY--

OH, EXCUSE ME, MR. FOSTER.

YOU REMEMBER GOOBER. AND THIS IS FLOYD LAWSON.

HELLO.

I'VE BEEN USING YOUR FURNITURE POLISH

FOR YEARS, TOO.

WELL, I'M HAPPY TO HEAR THAT.

MR. FOSTER, I WAS THINKING,

IF YOU WERE LOOKING FOR A "FOSTER MAN"...

WELL, NOT JUST RIGHT NOW.

NAME'S LAWSON. FLOYD LAWSON.

FLOYD, THEY'RE TRYING TO MAKE A PICTURE.

OH. ON WITH THE SHOW.

WHY DON'T WE TRY ANOTHER ONE, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT, FINE.

ALL RIGHT, NOW, ANYTIME YOU'RE READY, MISS TAYLOR.

AND THIS TIME, LEAVE OUT THE KISSES

AND ALSO THE "GOODBYE OUT THERE."

ALL RIGHT, BUT I HAVE SOME OTHER IDEAS.

HI, OUT THERE, AND SPEAKING OF HIGH

I WANT TO SHOW YOU THE HIGH GLOSS YOU GET

WHEN YOU ALWAYS USE FOSTER'S FURNITURE POLISH.

IT'S THE SHINE YOU'LL TAKE A SHINE TO.

SEE THAT GLISTEN?

YOU TAKE THE WORD

OF YOUR GOOD FRIEND AND NEIGHBOR

BEE TAYLOR OF MAYBERRY.

CUT.

OH, IT'S JUST LIKE POETRY.

THAT WAS THE BEST ONE YET, DON'T YOU THINK?

WELL...

OH, DID YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE CAMERA?

NO, NO.

OH. WELL, I'VE GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

I'VE GOT A JINGLE TO GO ALONG WITH THE COMMERCIAL.

"JINGLE"?

LISTEN TO THIS, MR. FOSTER.

* SHINE ON, FOSTER'S POLISH

* THAT'S THE ONE TO TRY

* YOU AIN'T HAD SUCH SHINING

* SINCE JANUARY, FEBRUARY, JUNE OR JULY. *

OH, I LIKE THAT!

I LIKE THAT.

YEAH, THAT'S REAL CATCHY.

WELL

THAT'S FINE.

UH, I THINK WE BETTER BREAK FOR LUNCH.

THAT'S LUNCH, BOB.

THAT'S LUNCH!

WHY DON'T YOU JUST RELAX

AND WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER.

ALL RIGHT.

CAN I GET YOU SOME COFFEE? FINE.

MR. FOSTER?

OH, YES, THANK YOU.

SHE AIN'T MAKING IT, IS SHE?

WELL, SOMETHING HAPPENED TO HER.

SHE'S PRESSING.

I HAVEN'T GOTTEN ONE TAKE WE CAN USE.

THEY'D JUST LAUGH AT HER.

YEAH.

IT'S TOO BAD.

THAT'S A SHAME.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I CAN DO AT THIS POINT.

JIM.

HMM?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH PEOPLE LAUGHING AT A COMMERCIAL?

SOME OF THE MOST EFFECTIVE COMMERCIALS

I'VE EVER SEEN ARE FUNNY.

YEAH.

YEAH, AND THESE ARE CERTAINLY FUNNY ENOUGH.

WELL, WAIT A MINUTE...

YOU KNOW, THE MORE I THINK ABOUT IT

THE MORE I LIKE THE IDEA.

I THINK YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING.

IT'LL ADD A NEW TONE TO OUR ADVERTISING.

YEAH.

WELL, I DON'T THINK THAT AUNT BEE...

OH, THEY'LL BE GREAT, ANDY.

JIM, IF SHE KEEPS ON DOING IT THE SAME WAY,

IT'LL BE HILARIOUS, PEOPLE WILL LOVE HER!

WELL, I JUST WONDER HOW AUNT BEE IS GONNA FEEL ABOUT IT.

I BELIEVE SHE'S GONNA GET A BIG KICK OUT OF IT.

WELL, I JUST...

NOW, YOU BELIEVE ME, ANDY.

THEY'RE GOING TO BE SENSATIONAL.

WHY DON'T I JUST KEEP THE CAMERA ROLLING AND THEN

WE'LL GET AS MANY TAKES AS WE CAN.

ARE THEY GOING TO MAKE FUN OF AUNT BEE, PAW?

WELL, THEY DON'T MEAN TO, OPE.

BUT SHE THINKS SHE'S BEING GOOD.

I KNOW.

IF SHE FINDS OUT PEOPLE ARE LAUGHING AT HER...

BOY, HUH?

IT'S GOING VERY WELL, DON'T YOU THINK, ANDY?

OH, IS IT EVER.

I WAS A LITTLE NERVOUS AT FIRST

BUT I GOT THE HANG OF IT.

YOU SURE DID.

WHEN THEY STOPPED ALL THAT CLACKING AND NOISE

I REALLY GOT INTO IT.

YEAH. YEAH.

IT, UH, IT SURE IS EXCITING.

YES.

YEAH...

OF COURSE, I IMAGINE LATER ON

THERE'LL BE A FEW CHANGES AROUND HERE.

"CHANGES"?

WELL, YEAH, YEAH.

WE'LL PROBABLY HAVE TO HAVE

SOMEBODY COME IN AND LOOK AFTER THE HOUSE

AND THE COOKING AND ALL OF THAT.

OH

BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO BE BUSY

ANSWERING FAN MAIL

LOOKING OVER CONTRACTS AND SIGNING THEM

HAVING INTERVIEWS.

YEAH, BEING A CELEBRITY IS A FULL-TIME JOB.

YES, I SUPPOSE SO.

YEAH, YOU'LL HAVE YOUR HANDS FULL

BUT WE'LL GET SOMEBODY TO COME IN.

YOU MEAN I WON'T HAVE TIME TO DO THE COOKING?

I DON'T SEE HOW

BUT DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

WE'LL GET SOMEBODY WHO CAN COOK JUST FINE.

WELL, I DON'T WANT ANYBODY ELSE IN MY KITCHEN.

WELL, CELEBRITIES DON'T HAVE TIME

TO FOOL AROUND IN THE KITCHEN

AND BESIDES

THE COMPANY WILL WANT YOU TO DO A LITTLE TRAVELING.

AFTER ALL, YOU ARE THE FOSTER LADY.

"TRAVELING"?

I HADN'T CONSIDERED THAT.

WELL, I DON'T IMAGINE IT'D BE FOR THE WHOLE YEAR.

IT'D PROBABLY BE JUST FOR FOUR OR FIVE MONTHS OUT OF THE YEAR.

"FOUR OR FIVE MONTHS"?

WELL, WHAT WOULD I DO ABOUT MY SOCIAL ACTIVITIES

AND MY CLUBS... AND MY FRIENDS?

OH, WELL, I REALLY WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.

YOU'LL BE MAKING NEW FRIENDS--

YOU KNOW, IN THE BUSINESS.

ANYTHING WRONG?

I DON'T THINK I'M GOING TO LIKE IT.

BEING A CELEBRITY?

WHO WANTS TO BE A CELEBRITY?

WELL, IF YOU DO COMMERCIALS ON TV...

WELL, WHO SAYS I HAVE TO?

LET'S GET AS MUCH FILM AS WE CAN ON HER...

MR. FOSTER, I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.

I'M VERY SORRY, BUT I'VE MADE UP MY MIND.

WHAT?

I'VE DECIDED NOT TO BE THE FOSTER LADY.

WHAT?!

I JUST CAN'T DO YOUR COMMERCIALS.

BUT, WHY

WELL, IT'S FOR PERSONAL REASONS.

THIS MAY BE FINE FOR...

WELL, ELIZABETH TAYLOR

BUT IT'S NOT FOR ME.

BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT THE...

THE SHOW IS OFF THE ROAD.

7:00, ANDY.

OH, YES, YES.

HMM.

WHAT YOU GONNA WATCH?

THE FOSTER FURNITURE POLISH SHOW,

WITH THE NEW COMMERCIALS.

I'M ANXIOUS TO SEE WHAT THEY DID WITH IT.

Announcer: "The Rex Benson Show,"

featuring Rex Benson and the Singsongers,

presented to you by Foster's furniture polish.

And now, let's hear what a typical housewife thinks

about Foster's furniture polish.

Woman: Hi, out there.

And speaking of high, I'd like to show you

the high gloss you always get

with Foster's furniture polish.

See how it glistens?!

I want all you ladies to remember the Foster jingle--

* Shine on, Foster's polish

* that's the one to try

* You ain't had such shinin' *

OH, IT'S FUNNY, THE WAY SHE DOES IT.

* Since January, February, June, or July *

THIS IS GOOD.

So go to your nearest store and buy some today

and don't forget to tell them your good friend and neighbor

Martha Carruthers of Pleasantville sent you.

Goodbye, out there.

GOOD! VERY GOOD.

YEAH.

OF COURSE, I COULD'VE PLAYED IT FOR COMEDY,

IF THEY WANTED ME TO.