Original subtitles

STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH...

WITH RONNY HOWARD.

ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS.

BARN?

HEY, BARN, YOU HERE?!

HOLD IT, ANDY.

I'M COMING RIGHT OUT.

WHAT YOU DOING BACK THERE, BARN?

WHY DON'T YOU COME ON OUT?

WELL, MY GOODNESS.

AIN'T YOU THE BUSY BEE?

YEAH, BUSY, BUSY, BUSY.

LOOKS LIKE THE WORK'S JUST NEVER DONE AROUND HERE.

I TELL YOU THE TRUTH, BARN

I JUST DON'T KNOW

HOW YOU MANAGE TO GET IT ALL DONE.

I DON'T EITHER, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH.

I DON'T LIKE IT.

I DON'T LIKE TO SEE YOU WORKING THIS WAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU OUGHT TO DO?

WHAT? YOU OUGHT TO COME BACK HERE

AND TAKE A NAP IN THE AFTERNOON.

ME SLEEP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY?

YOU CRAZY?

WELL, YOU OUGHT TO GIVE IT A TRY.

HEY, AND?

YEAH?

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WERE SAYING THERE

ABOUT ME WORKING TOO HARD.

I'M KINDA GLAD YOU BROUGHT THAT UP.

YEAH? I COULD USE SOME HELP AROUND HERE.

WHAT? AND I THOUGHT MY COUSIN VIRGIL

WOULD BE A BIG HELP.

WHO? MY COUSIN VIRGIL.

YOU KNOW, THE ONE UP IN NEW JERSEY.

HE'S COMING TO VISIT ME.

I THOUGHT HE COULD HELP OUT

AROUND THE PLACE.

COUSIN VIRGIL.

AIN'T HE THE ONE YOU TOLD ME ABOUT ONE TIME

WHO WAS KINDA CLUMSY AND KIND OF A GOOFBALL?

OH, WELL, HE USED TO BE LIKE THAT, BUT NOT ANYMORE.

HE'S CHANGED.

YEAH, HE USED TO BE REAL AWKWARD

AND ALL THUMBS AND EVERYTHING.

COULDN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT,

BUT, UH, HE'S REALLY CHANGED SINCE.

GOOD.

I HOPE.

YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO LIKE COUSIN VIRGIL, ANDY.

HE COMES FROM MY MOTHER'S SIDE OF THE FAMILY.

THEY'RE THE FUN ONES.

UH-HUH.

HE'S GOING TO BE A BIG HELP, TOO.

HE'S JUST AN EAGER BEAVER.

HE ALWAYS WANTS TO BE HELPING SOMEBODY.

GOOD OLD VIRG.

YEAH.

WELL, HERE HE COMES.

ACT KINDA GLAD TO SEE HIM, ANDY.

YOU KNOW MY MOTHER'S SIDE OF THE FAMILY.

THEY'RE SENSITIVE.

OH, ARE THEY EVER.

I'LL GRIN A LOT. DON'T WORRY.

WIND UP YOUR SMILE, ANDY.

TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF, NOW.

YOU DO THAT.

NICE TO HAVE YOU BACK, MISS GRATHAM.

ANDY.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

HOLD IT. OPEN UP.

OH, SORRY. YOU GETTIN' ON?

NO. DIDN'T YOU PICK UP A YOUNG FELLA

THAT CHANGED BUSES UP IN CURRITUCK?

CURRITUCK?

YEAH, COME TO THINK ABOUT IT, I DID.

HE'S SITTING RIGHT IN BACK.

THAT'S FUNNY.

HERE'S HIS SUITCASE, BUT HE'S DISAPPEARED.

GONE.

GONE?

WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?

I DON'T KNOW.

WANT TO TAKE HIS BAG, SHERIFF?

I'M WORRIED, ANDY.

SOMETHING MUST HAVE HAPPENED TO HIM.

YEAH. WE BETTER DO A LITTLE BACKTRACKIN',

SEE IF WE CAN FIND HIM.

COME ON.

Barney: HEY, VIRGIL!

HIYA, BARNEY.

HIYA, BARNEY.

HI, VIRG.

VIRGIL, THIS IS ANDY.

ANDY, THIS IS MY COUSIN VIRGIL.

HOWDY, VIRGIL. WHAT HAPPENED, VIRGIL?

I MISSED THE BUS.

BOY, I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO COME LOOKING FOR ME.

Andy: THAT'S ALL RIGHT, VIRGIL, BUT WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL, THE BUS MAKES THIS FRESHEN-UP STOP AT SPRINGVILLE,

SO EVERYBODY GOT OUT TO FRESHEN UP,

AND THEY HAD ONE OF THESE NEWSSTANDS THERE,

AND SO I BOUGHT YOU A POSTCARD TO SEND TO YOU

BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE THAT.

OH, WELL, THAT'S NICE. HUH, ANDY?

WHAT KIND OF A CARD WAS IT, VIRG?

ONE OF THEM FUNNY POSTCARDS.

HAD THIS FELLA FISHING ON IT...

AND IT HAD THIS BIG CRAB HOOKED TO THE SEAT OF HIS PANTS,

AND IT SAID ON THE CARD,

"BOY, THEY SURE ARE BITING DOWN HERE."

PRETTY GOOD, HUH, ANDY?

YEAH, I ALWAYS LIKE A GOOD CRAB JOKE.

WELL, YOU STILL DIDN'T TELL US

WHY YOU MISSED THE BUS.

WELL, THEN I WENT LOOKING FOR A POST OFFICE

TO MAIL THE CARD,

AND THAT WAS ABOUT A HALF A MILE AWAY

FROM THE BUS STATION.

AND BY THE TIME I GOT BACK, THE BUS HAD LEFT.

WELL, VIRGIL, THAT CARD WON'T GET HERE

TILL DAY AFTER TOMORROW, AND YOU'RE HERE ALREADY.

YOU COULD HAVE BROUGHT IT YOURSELF.

OH, YEAH.

Andy: WELL, LET'S GET ON

BACK TO TOWN.

YOU GOT TO WATCH THEM THINGS, VIRG.

I WANT ANDY TO LIKE YOU.

I'LL GET IT, AUNT BEE.

WELL, HOWDY, BOYS.

COME ON IN THE HOUSE.

Andy: AUNT BEE, OPIE,

THIS IS BARNEY'S COUSIN VIRGIL FROM NEW JERSEY.

WELL, HOW DO YOU DO?

MY, DON'T YOU BOYS LOOK NICE.

YEAH, BOY. DON'T THEY? ALL DRESSED UP.

GIVE OPIE YOUR HATS THERE.

AND I'LL FINISH THE TABLE.

YOU ALL MAKE YOURSELVES AT HOME.

I'LL HELP YOU, AUNT BEE.

DID YOU BRING THE CARDS WITH YOU?

YOU DIDN'T FORGET?

GOOD, COME ON.

SIT DOWN.

OKAY, GET THE CARDS.

YOU ALL SET? YEAH.

HEY, ANDY? HUH?

COME HERE A MINUTE, WILL YOU?

WHAT? COUSIN VIRGIL'S GOT

A CARD TRICK HE WANTS TO SHOW YOU.

SHOW YOU HOW HANDY HE IS.

OH, GOOD, A CARD TRICK, HUH?

THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A LITTLE ENTERTAINMENT BEFORE SUPPER.

VIRGIL'S REALLY GOOD AT THIS, AIN'T YOU, VIRG?

YOU'LL NEVER FIGURE THIS OUT.

IT'S A REAL FOOLER.

VIRG IS REALLY GOOD AT THIS.

HERE, PICK A CARD, ANY CARD.

YEAH, PICK A CARD, ANDY, ANY CARD.

OKAY. HE'S REALLY GOOD AT THIS.

OKAY, LET'S SEE IT.

ALL RIGHT, YEAH, I GOT IT.

SEE? OKAY, OKAY, NOW PUT IT BACK

IN THE DECK, ANYWHERE.

THEN VIRG IS GOING TO TELL YOU

WHAT YOUR CARD IS, AIN'T YOU, VIRG?

RIGHT. OH.

PUT IT IN THERE. PUT -- OKAY.

ANYWHERE AT ALL. RIGHT THERE.

RIGHT IN THERE. OKAY.

AND NOW HE'S GOING TO SHUFFLE IT.

SHUFFLE THEM, VIRG.

HE DOES THAT REAL GOOD, DOESN'T HE?

IT'S A GOOD TRICK SO FAR, VIRGIL.

THAT'S RIGHT. CUT THE DECK.

YEAH, CUT 'EM, ANDY.

CUT IT? ANYWHERE AT ALL.

OKAY, UH... RIGHT THERE.

YEAH -- NO, THE OTHER WAY, VIRG.

THAT'S IT.

GOOD, THAT'S IT.

NOW HE'S GOING TO FIND IT FOR YOU.

YOU READY?

HE'S LOOKING FOR IT.

THERE HE GOES, THERE HE GOES.

IS THAT IT? IS THAT -- YEAH.

IS IT THAT IT? WELL, I'LL BE DOGGED.

LOOKIT THERE, OPE.

YEAH! THAT'S A REAL GOOD TRICK.

YEAH, IT SURE IS.

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SHOW US HOW YOU DO THAT, VIRG.

YOUR HANDS GO SO FAST.

ALL I DO IS A LITTLE --

Opie: THEY'RE ALL THE SAME!

A WHOLE DECK OF ACE OF SPADES?

PICK 'EM UP.

Aunt Bee: COME TO THE TABLE, BOYS.

SUPPER'S READY.

IT'S A GOOD TRICK, VIRGIL,

BUT YOU GIVE IT AWAY IF YOU DROP THE CARDS.

ALL RIGHT, COME ON, EVERYBODY, LET'S EAT.

BARN, YOU SIT OVER THERE.

OPIE, YOU SIT THERE,

AND VIRGIL, YOU SIT HERE BY ME.

HERE, SIT DOWN, VIRG.

HERE WE GO.

THERE WE ARE.

HERE WE ARE.

OH, LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT, AUNT BEE.

NO, NO, NO, I CAN MANAGE,

VIRGIL -- PLEASE!

NO, I'VE GOT IT. HAVE YOU GOT IT?

YEAH.

LET ME -- LET ME HAVE THAT, VIRGIL.

YEAH, SEE, I, UH...

I ALWAYS SERVE THE MEAT.

THAT'S GOOD, VIRG.

YOU WANT TO PASS ME THAT BUTTER?

I'M SORRY, ANDY.

I'M REALLY SORRY.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

Aunt Bee: WELL, LET'S START.

EVERYTHING'S ON THE TABLE.

YEAH, IT'S ALL HERE.

WE JUST HAVE TO GET IT BACK IN THE PLATES.

WELL, A LITTLE ACCIDENT, ANDY.

STILL WANT THE BUTTER?

NO, NO, NO, NO!

NO, VIRG, YOU JUST RELAX.

YOU WANT TO PASS ME THE BUTTER, AUNT BEE?

VIRGIL!

THANK YOU, AUNT BEE.

WELL, GOOD NIGHT, ANDY.

GEE, I SURE AM SORRY.

I MEAN, ABOUT VIRGIL.

HE MUST BE NERVOUS, YOU KNOW,

ABOUT IT BEING HIS FIRST DAY AND ALL.

WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT, BUT I DON'T KNOW THAT I WANT

THAT BOY FOOLING AROUND THE OFFICE.

WELL, GEE, ANDY, YOU GOT TO GIVE HIM A CHANCE!

HE MEANS WELL, AND HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT

AS SOON AS HE SETTLES DOWN -- YOU'LL SEE.

WHERE IS VIRGIL, ANYWAY?

HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO GET THE SQUAD CAR

AND BRING IT UP INTO THE DRIVEWAY FOR YOU, BARNEY.

I GUESS I HAD IT IN REVERSE.

THAT BOY HAS GOT TO GO.

HEY, BARN? SAY, I'M SORRY ABOUT SUPPER LAST NIGHT.

I WAS ONLY TRYIN' TO HELP.

YEAH, I KNOW, VIRG, BUT YOU GOTTA THINK.

YOU'VE GOT TO THINK.

YOU'VE GOT TO GET ON THE BALL, VIRG.

WELL, I KNOW.

IS THERE SOMETHING I COULD DO AROUND HERE?

HERE, LET ME FINISH SWEEPING FOR YOU.

UH...

WELL... ALL RIGHT.

YEAH, YOU-YOU DO THAT, VIRG.

VIRGIL!

I'M SORRY, BARN.

OH, VIRGIL, VIRGIL, VIRGIL!

I GUESS I AIN'T BEIN' MUCH HELP AROUND HERE,

HUH, BARN?

NO, VIRGIL, YOU AIN'T.

WELL, I WANT TO BE.

IF YOU JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO,

AND I'LL DO IT.

YEAH. YEAH, YOU'LL DO IT.

UH, WELL, ALL RIGHT.

UH, HERE...

HERE'S SOMETHING YOU CAN DO, VIRGIL.

SEE THESE KEYS?

YOU-YOU CLEAN THESE UP.

CLEAN 'EM UP?

YEAH. YEAH, SEE, THEY'RE ALL RUSTY

AND DIRTY AND EVERYTHING.

YOU'LL FIND SOME SAND PAPER AND EMERY CLOTH

IN THE TOOL BOX IN THE BACK ROOM.

SO YOU JUST -- JUST CLEAN THESE, YA SEE,

AND THEN -- AND THEN POLISH 'EM UP.

OKAY.

I'LL CLEAN 'EM UP REAL GOOD.

YEAH.

HIYA, BARN.

WHAT HAPPENED?

UH... WELL, UH...

VIRGIL?

UH, YEAH.

UH, YOU SEE, UH... HE WAS, UH...

BARNEY...

NOW, I WANT THAT BOY TO STAY OUT OF THIS OFFICE.

I DON'T WANT HIM HANGIN' AROUND HERE,

TEARIN' UP EVERYTHING.

YOU SAW WHAT HE DID TO MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT.

NOW HE'S STARTIN' IN IN HERE.

WHERE IS HE, ANYHOW, SETTING FIRE TO CITY HALL?

NO, NO. I GAVE HIM A HARMLESS JOB TO DO.

HE'S POLISHIN' UP THE JAIL KEYS.

LOOK, ANDY, I'M SORRY, TOO, THE WAY THINGS TURNED OUT,

BUT I PROMISE, IF HE MAKES ONE MORE GOOF,

I'LL TELL HIM MYSELF HE'S GOT TO GO.

WHY WAIT?

OH, THAT'S THE ALARM CLOCK.

I PROMISED OTIS I'D SET IT FOR HIM.

HE'S GOT AN APPOINTMENT TO SEE OSCAR SKINNER

ABOUT A JOB IN THE FEED STORE.

OH.

ALL RIGHT, OTIS.

IF YOU WANT TO GET TO THAT APPOINTMENT,

YOU BETTER GET MOVIN'.

HEY, VIRGIL?

VIRGIL, YOU FINISH THEM KEYS?

I NEED 'EM.

COMIN', COUSIN BARNEY.

HERE THEY ARE.

ALL RIGHT. CLEAN ENOUGH FOR YOU?

YEAH, THEY'RE NICE AND CLEAN.

HEY, ANDY

LOOK WHAT A GOOD JOB VIRGIL DID ON THE KEYS.

WELL, I'M GLAD YOU LIKE 'EM, BARN.

I HAVE TO GO BACK THERE

AND CLEAN UP THE SANDPAPER AND STUFF.

YEAH, YEAH, YOU DO THAT.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, BARNEY?

OPEN UP.

HOLD YOUR HORSES, OTIS.

CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING?

HEY, ANDY.

THERE'S SOMETHING THE MATTER WITH THE LOCK.

IT WON'T TURN.

NOW, LOOK, BARNEY, YOU KNOW MR. SKINNER.

IF I'M LATE, THAT'S THE END OF THE JOB.

OH, PIPE DOWN, OTIS.

YOU THINK WE'RE DOIN' THIS ON PURPOSE?

NOTHIN' WRONG WITH THE LOCK, BARNEY.

HUH?

IT'S THE KEY.

VIRGIL DID SUCH A GOOD JOB OF POLISHIN' IT,

HE WORE DOWN THE TEETH,

AND THEY WON'T TURN THE TUMBLERS.

OH, NO.

COME ON, ANDY, YOU'VE GOT TO GET ME OUT OF HERE.

WE WILL, OTIS, SOON AS WE THINK OF SOMETHIN'.

OH, THAT VIRGIL.

I TOLD YOU.

I TOLD YOU. I COULD SEE IT COMIN'.

YEAH, YOU TOLD ME ALL RIGHT, AND NOW I KNOW.

ALL RIGHT, THIS IS IT.

YOU SAID YOU WANT HIM OUT OF HERE?

I'LL GET HIM OUT. I'LL THROW HIM OUT.

I'LL KICK HIM RIGHT ON THE BUS

AND I'LL THROW HIS THINGS RIGHT OUT AFTER HIM.

VIRGIL?! COME HERE!

TAKE IT EASY, BARN.

YEAH, BARN?

VIRGIL, DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID WITH THE KEYS?

YOU RUINED 'EM.

RUINED 'EM? THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU HEARD ME. YOU RUINED THEM.

Andy: VIRGIL, YOU POLISHED THE KEYS SO GOOD,

THEY WON'T UNLOCK THE LOCK

AND WE CAN'T LET OTIS OUT OF THE CELL.

HEY, BARNEY, I'M SORRY.

SORRY?

THAT'S ALL YOU EVER ARE IS SORRY.

CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN ALL STAND AROUND HERE

AND TALK IF YOU WANT TO,

BUT I'M GOING TO GET YOU OUT OF THERE, OTIS.

HI, BARNEY.

HEY, I'M SORRY, ANDY.

I KNOW YOU ARE, VIRGIL.

FORGET IT.

WHAT ABOUT IT, ANDY? WHEN DO I GET OUT OF HERE?

I'LL GET YOU OUT AS QUICK AS I CAN, OTIS.

YOU GO AHEAD AND GET CLEANED UP,

AND BY THE TIME YOU'RE READY,

I'LL TRY TO FIGURE SOME WAY TO HAVE YOU OUT.

PAW, LOOK WHAT I GOT.

NOT RIGHT NOW, SON.

WHERE IS IT?

WHERE'S MY TOOLS?

WHENEVER I START TO DO ANYTHING,

I SPEND EIGHT HOURS LOOKIN' FOR TOOLS

AND A HALF HOUR WORKIN'.

WELL, AIN'T YOU GOING TO LOOK AT THIS?

AIN'T THEY NICE, PAW?

YEAH.

WHERE IS THAT THING?

I BET YOU THINK

I BOUGHT THESE IN A STORE, HUH, PAW?

DIDN'T YA?

MM-MM. VIRGIL MADE THEM.

GOOD. OH, THERE IT IS.

WHAT'D YOU SAY?

I SAID VIRGIL MADE 'EM.

VIRGIL MADE THESE?

YEAH. AIN'T HE GOOD, PAW?

YOU ACTUALLY MADE THESE, VIRG?

WELL, THEY'RE MIGHTY FINE WORK.

UH, OPE, YOU WANT TO RUN ALONG?

I WANT TO TALK TO VIRGIL A LITTLE BIT.

OKAY, PAW.

SIT DOWN HERE, VIRGIL.

TELL ME SOMETHIN'.

HOW CAN A FELLA THAT CAN HAVE AS MANY, UH...

ACCIDENTS AS YOU HAVE,

HOW CAN THAT SAME FELLA DO AS FINE A WORK AS THIS?

I DID THAT WHEN I WAS BY MYSELF

AND NOBODY WAS WATCHIN' ME.

WHEN YOU WAS BY YOURSELF?

YEAH, I ALWAYS DO BETTER THAT WAY.

OH.

WELL, UH, WHERE'D YOU LEARN TO DO THIS?

MY FATHER'S A CABINETMAKER AND A WOOD CARVER.

YOUR FATHER IS?

YEAH. HE'S THE BEST THERE IS UP WHERE WE LIVE.

YOU CAN ASK BARNEY.

HE CAN FIX OR BUILD OR CARVE.

HE CAN DO JUST ABOUT ANYTHING.

AND YOUR FATHER TAUGHT YOU HOW TO DO THIS?

WELL, EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, HE'D GIVE ME A JOB TO DO,

AND I'M KIND OF AWKWARD, YOU KNOW.

WELL, I'D START TO DO THE JOB,

AND, UH, WITH HIM WATCHING ME, I GET ALL JUMPY AND FUMBLY,

AND SO HE'D HAVE TO TAKE OVER.

AND HE'D DO IT JUST RIGHT BECAUSE HE'S GREAT.

AND EVER SINCE THEN,

I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO DO ANYTHING

WITH SOMEBODY WATCHING OVER ME OR EXPECTING SOMETHING OF ME.

BUT WHEN I'M ALONE, I DO MUCH BETTER.

HMM.

Otis: OKAY, ANDY.

I'M CLEANED UP AND READY NOW.

ARE YOU GOIN' TO GET ME OUT SO I CAN MAKE MY APPOINTMENT?

UH, YEAH, OTIS.

HEY, UH... VIRGIL, I, UH...

I WANT YOU TO GET OTIS OUT OF THAT CELL.

WHAT?

I WANT YOU TO GET OTIS OUT OF THE CELL THERE,

AND YOU CAN DO IT WITH NOBODY WATCHING YOU.

OTIS, TURN AROUND.

WHAT?

I SAID TURN YOUR FACE TO THE WALL.

NOW, VIRGIL, TAKE THE TOOLS

AND GET OTIS OUT OF THE CELL.

I'LL GO IN THE BACK ROOM TILL YOU'RE DONE.

BUT, ANDY, I CAN'T...

YOU CAN DO IT.

YOU CAN DO IT WITH NOBODY WATCHIN' YOU.

DON'T PEEP, OTIS.

Virgil: OKAY, ANDY, IT'S ALL DONE.

I'LL BE DOGGED.

VIRG, YOU DID IT.

Otis: NICE WORK, FELLA -- I CAN JUST GET HOME

AND SHAVE AND KEEP MY APPOINTMENT.

YOU JUST TAPPED THE PINS OUT OF THE HINGES

AND THE DOOR LIFTED RIGHT OUT.

RIGHT.

OH, THAT'S FINE WORK.

FINE WORK.

WAIT TILL BARNEY SEES IT.

WHY, HE'LL...

BARNEY, WAIT!

CONGRATULATIONS, BARNEY.

YOU DID IT AGAIN.

WELL, GOODBYE, COUSIN BARNEY.

ANDY.

AND, UH... THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.

YOU SAY HELLO TO YOUR DADDY FOR ME, NOW.

REMEMBER, NOW, VIRG, DON'T LET 'EM GET YOU DOWN.

TAKE YOUR TIME, FIGURE IT OUT.

RIGHT.

SO LONG. SO LONG.

DO YOU THINK HE'LL EVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING, ANDY?

I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE NOW HE'S ON THE RIGHT TRACK,

IT'S POSSIBLE.

YOU KNOW, IT'S A FUNNY THING.

NOW, HERE'S VIRGIL AND ME FROM THE SAME FAMILY,

AND YET LOOK AT THE DIFFERENCE.

THERE'S VIRGIL, CLUMSY, AWKWARD,

UNCOORDINATED.

AND HERE'S ME, IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF,

COMPLETELY COORDINATED, KEEN, SHARP, ALERT.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL SOMEBODY?

WHY DON'T YOU WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING?

DUMB NUT!

THAT'S TELLING HIM, VIRG.