Original subtitles

I was afraid to go to a therapist.

If I'm ashamed to admit that I have anxiety

disorder and depression, how can I take care of it?

I personally believe that there is a stigma

around mental health.

I believe that people keep things bottled up

inside of them because they're afraid of what might happen.

I was afraid kids might make fun of me.

Sometimes kids, and even teachers and parents,

can get frustrated and say hurtful things.

Like, tell me to "stop acting crazy."

Or say I'm being ridiculous.

Or accuse me of making it up.

Or say that I just need to suck it up.

Saying those things is extremely hurtful.

Extremely hurtful.

The words you use matter.

I wanted to be seen as someone who was tough

and could endure anything that came my way.

I was an athlete. I mean, it was my job to be tough

and to play hurt sometimes.

But "tough" keeps us from being brave.

On behalf of our son, pierson...

We thank you for taking the time to know

more about life with an anxiety disorder and depression.

So, the stigma prevents people from just starting.

But when we begin the journey and we allow ourselves

to be influenced by people who can really help us...

Um, that's when the healing begins.

Because when you know better...

You do better.

J“ why don't we lay and paint the skies j“

j“ why do we ever close our eyes j“

j“ with so much see, you right here with me j“

j“ strawberry skies and freckled smiles j“

j“ 'cause you and I j“

I love to run.

J“ were meant to be j“

j“ the world is such a lovely place j“

I love to ride horses.

I love graphic design.

I love iongboarding and music.

J“ all of the people, they just want to live j“

j“ with you, me, in harmonyj'

I love to write. I'm able to express my feelings

on a piece of paper and read it back to myself,

and it's, like, mirroring my feelings to myself.

I feel like, um...

Like there's a weight lifted off of my shoulder.

There are two ways my body works

that I'd like to tell you more about.

Two ways my body works that some people

have a hard time understanding.

And even though they are real medical conditions,

some people believe they are not.

I live with an anxiety disorder and depression.

I do too.

Me too.

I do too.

[Live with an anxiety disorder

and depression, too.

I do, too.

My name is Abby Eden.

I'm Ryan lefebvre.

I'm an award-winning journalist,

and I anchor the number-one morning show in my city.

I am an award-winning major league broadcaster:

22 years with the Kansas City royals,

and four years with the Minnesota twins.

I'm a wife to my wonderful husband, Tyler,

and mom to a sweet girl, dottie.

I have been married to my beautiful wife and best friend,

Sarah, for 13 years, and we have four great kids.

Three boys, Micah, Evan, and Lucas,

and our daughter, Callie.

Definitely as a male, um,

the stigma did prevent me from, first of all,

just opening up and being honest that I was struggling

with something that I could not contain

and something that I... I couldn't control.

The first time my anxiety disorder flared up,

I was very young, in school.

One of my classmates accidentally hurt themselves,

and when I saw the blood, I panicked.

I couldn't catch my breath.

I cried uncontrollably,

and the teacher had to call my parents.

I still feel that way when my anxiety hits.

Even now, as an adult, it overwhelms me.

I feel like I'm drowning and I'm helpless.

When my anxiety disorder kicks in,

I worry about the same thing

Over and over, over and over...

Over and over, over and over, over and over,

over and over...

It's all I can think about.

It just repeats in my head.

At first, I really didn't understand

what was happening to me.

I thought I was being weak,

because real men don't cry.

Real men don't stay up all night worrying about nothing.

Seventh grade is when I first started

getting symptoms of depression.

I wasn't happy. Nothing made me happy,

even all the things that normally made me feel happy.

I felt alone and that no one understood me.

When my depression hits me,

I feel heavy, down, and sad, no matter what.

My days feel so slow.

I cry.

I feel like life is just an endless cycle,

and I'll just go through the motions and feel this way

over and over again,

like it will never end.

Before I knew that I had anxiety and depression,

a way I coped with it was just crying.

Taking a shower and crying.

And then I would push it aside...

Until I couldn't anymore.

My depression can be very dark, and very empty.

And one of the low points of my depression

was sitting in my closet for minutes, maybe hours,

sobbing, with tears dripping down my cheeks,

with no motivation and no reason to leave.

I was alone, I was abandoned, I was lost.

This is the first time

I've talked about it openly.

When somebody asked me what was wrong, I would just

brush it off or say, "I'm fine" or "I'm great,"

or I would just look at them and smile.

I would avoid the conversation

so I wouldn't have to be honest with myself.

Like, I was acting strong

to avoid what I was truly feeling at the time.

I spent a lot of time putting on a mask.

I felt like if I was open and honest about my feelings,

that would hurt the people I loved around me.

My name is breydon Austin.

Roshaun is my brother.

My name's roginia. I love being roshaun's mother.

My family is very loving.

We always care for one another.

We're always there, no matter what.

My family is...

My support system, my best friends.

We're really, really, really close.

I believe there's a stigma, um, with anxiety and depression.

People don't really think about it, how serious it is,

and just say, "get over it,"

or just think they're... Like, they're just faking.

They don't really see what's really inside

their heart or their mind.

In our culture, we kinda are taught

to keep everything inside,

not to really show emotion, and if you feel like

you want to cry or something, suck it up.

When we're kids, we're like, playing around,

and, uh, let's say we hurt each other.

Like, say, like, someone hurt your heart

or something like that.

Like, to me, I never really go to anybody about my problems,

and I kind of keep my problems all built inside.

Ever since I was young, that's always what I did.

I haven't really told anybody,

'cause I don't really want to seem weak.

"Stop crying and stop being a little baby."

Before I understood anxiety disorders and depression,

I didn't believe roshaun.

I would say, "just get it together."

Like, you know, "suck it up. There's people who have

worse problems than you. You have a good life.

How can you be depressed? You have, you know,

all kinds of gaming systems,

you get to go do everything you want to do."

And I really thought he was manipulating me

to make me feel bad, because maybe I treated one child

a little bit different than the other child.

I was so worried about the stigmas around depression

and anxiety that I just told myself to suck it up.

But when I physically couldn't do it anymore,

I judged myself,

and I called myself weak.

I left our house to go to college.

I had a football scholarship. Football all the time.

Like, say, if, um, we're running and stuff

and we're about to throw up,

or we're starting to feel sick or our stomach hurt,

it would always be like, "pain is weakness leaving your body,

pain is weakness leaving your body."

So, I... I kind of keep more things into me,

'cause I kind of equate that to emotional pain as well.

So, if I show emotional pain, I'm weak.

McKenna and I have been close

for as long as I can remember.

Morgan is my best friend and my cousin.

I remember when we were little, at our grandma's house, we would hide under the bed

together until our parents agreed

we could have a sleepover.

We were just having too much fun.

Oh my god. She's...

We just didn't want it to end.

We just wanted to stay together.

- And we still do. - We still do.

I know that Morgan's depression's kicked in

when she feels distant,

when I don't hear from her for a day or two,

and she won't talk to me for a while,

and she doesn't answer my calls or my texts.

Because my anxiety disorder

and depression are real.

Very real.

I can count on Dylan.

He listens. He cares.

At camp, I realized I could count on mack.

When I went back to school that fall,

I had mack in some of my classes.

We've been friends ever since.

I can usually tell when Dylan is

going through something.

He usually comes into class laughing or smiling.

But when his depression kicks in,

he just has a blank expression.

When I am bound up by depression,

I'm convinced that the world is having one big ol' party

and everybody's invited, except for me.

What I eventually learned from my therapist

is that my body was reacting to a real medical condition,

no different from being attacked by a virus

or an allergen.

Depression is a medical condition that has to do with

how our bodies deal with emotions like sadness.

Too much sadness is called "depression."

My name is Dr. Ali mattu.

I am a clinical psychologist and assistant professor

at the Columbia university Irving medical center

in New York City.

Kids like Allie, Dylan, jana, Morgan, and Michael

visit a doctor like me to help them

with their anxiety disorders and depression

so they can live their lives

and do the things that they want to do.

It's not just doctors or therapists that can help people

living with an anxiety disorder or depression.

You can help too, by being a good friend.

I wish this film had been around when I was struggling

to understand my anxiety disorder and depression.

I'm so proud of you for having the courage to learn more

about life with an anxiety disorder and depression,

and how to be a good friend to those that live with them.

And I'm so happy that you are taking the time to learn

about these very real medical conditions.

The right amount of anxiety helps us react quickly

and get out of danger.

But too much anxiety can be uncomfortable

and may even hurt us.

Too much or excessive anxiety is called

an "anxiety disorder."

And they can be very serious.

Even though kids living with an anxiety disorder

and depression may be working hard to manage them,

just like with any other medical condition,

like asthma or the flu,

they can worsen and become extremely severe,

even life-threatening.

J“ wind blows its strongest course and I j“

when my depression hits, it takes me over.

It takes over everything.

J“ winter comes and makes us cold j“

j“ but you were supposed to keep me warm j“

it's like I am drowning,

and everyone's telling me I am not,

that I'm fine, I'm okay.

But I know I am not.

J“ the color grey don't seem too dark j“

j'butlj'

j“ I'm shadow blind j“

it even stops me from making music,

because I feel like I don't have a voice.

I lose motivation to leave the house,

and to even live.

According to the centers for disease control

and prevention, nearly one in six high school students

has seriously considered suicide.

And one in twelve have attempted suicide.

Like with pierson.

His anxiety disorder and depression were just too much.

His anxiety disorder and depression became so severe

that he died by suicide before filming began.

Pierson was a brave advocate for educating people

about life with anxiety disorders and depression.

He was one of the first kids to join this film project,

and even helped raise money for it.

Hi, I'm pierson.

You have to understand, this is an illness.

It's not something that I can just stop.

I live with anxiety and depression.

My parents are great, and they support me

being open about my anxiety and depression.

They say they never want me to be ashamed of who I am.

And guess what? I'm not.

While there are ways to treat and manage

anxiety disorders and depression,

right now, there is no cure.

Although doctors and scientists are working hard

to figure them out, right now, there is no cure

for anxiety disorders or depression.

One thing that's important to know about anxiety

and depression is that the person living with them

can't control whether, how, when, or why they have them.

They just have them, just like we have

any other bodily reflex or medical condition.

Part of the stigma around anxiety disorders

and depression is that people think you should be able

to just shake it off or get over it.

And I know I thought that.

Before I understood what anxiety and depression was,

I just really saw roshaun as a disobedient young man

who just didn't have a level of respect

that I thought he should have,

and we argued quite a bit and bumped heads.

We used to get in, like, a lot of fights.

His emotions would start to work up really high.

He won't stop. His body just keeps going and going.

I would just be like, "stop. Get it under control.

What's wrong with you? Go to your room."

- "Stop being a little baby." - "Calm down."

"You're not gonna talk to me like that.

You better learn who you're talking to."

I wasn't able to just get over it.

I was battling with emotions with myself.

In everything else in life, if something isn't working for us,

we just need to try harder, or we need more information,

or somehow, we can use our willpower

to improve our situation.

And unfortunately, that doesn't work with depression.

And depression and anxiety requires a surrendering,

and realizing that it doesn't have anything to do

with our willpower, and that we have a medical condition,

and we need other people to help us.

- It's a medical condition. - I can't control whether...

Why I have an anxiety disorder and depression.

Just like I can't control whether I sneeze.

- Or when I cough. - Why I get thirsty.

Believe me, if I could, I would tell you.

It's just part of who I am.

Two down.

And one ball and one strike.

I think if anything happens to the body,

it... it needs time to heal.

And if someone cuts their arm and puts medication on it

and lets it heal, you know,

that's not gonna bother anybody, but for some reason,

when we... when we cut and we bleed on the inside,

it comes out in tears.

It comes out in depression. It comes out in anxiety.

I didn't wish I could just get over it,

because it made me who I am.

So, basically, being surrounded by people

who treat mental illness the same way

that you treat a physical illness

is one of the most important things for me.

You can't tell if someone is living with an anxiety disorder

and depression just by looking at them.

Sometimes your friend may be experiencing severe depression

and they will seem fine on the outside, even happy.

When I'm depressed,

sometimes it's just easier for me to put on a happy face.

My first memory of jana is so vivid.

It's our kindergarten Halloween parade,

and jana was dressed up as a spider with these huge legs,

and I thought it was the coolest costume ever.

I thought to myself, "she is making such a statement

right now, and I have to be her friend immediately."

We've been making statements together ever since.

My first memory of grace was she was one

of the only girls that would play tetherball with me.

We've been owning tetherball courts ever since.

When I notice that jana's dropped out,

I reach out to her and ask what's wrong and if she's okay.

I go find her at school.

Or if we're at home, I text her and see

if she wants to go for a walk or a drive.

I think the key to getting rid of this stigma

is if we come together as a community

and help people who have anxiety disorders

and depression to feel loved, and heard, and just listen.

Michael is my best friend.

I'm Allie's biggest fan.

J“ why don't we lay and paint the sky j“

I live with an anxiety disorder and depression.

My anxiety disorder is social anxiety.

When I walk into a room, I feel like everyone is staring at me

and judging me, or when I walk down the hall at school

and kids are laughing behind me,

I automatically assume they're laughing at me.

Thoughts start building and building in my head.

Since we both have it, we know how to help each other.

We know what to look for.

We know how to read body language.

J“ showed me who I am and you brought all the light j“

j“ you told me I was beautiful j“

j“ how to fight through the night j“

She's there for me when I need her.

Michael is an amazing person.

He is my best friend. I admire his strength.

I've had to be hospitalized several times

for my anxiety disorder and depression.

Even throughout his own struggle,

he was still caring about me.

He knows how to be understanding.

He knows when it's time to talk,

and time to just shut up and listen.

Looking back, I believe that

he didn't feel that he was being heard.

I was just, um, very... tired.

Um, I really felt like I was failing as a parent,

that god hadn't equipped me with the right tools

to be able to parent him, and really was at the point

that I was thinking that maybe, um, he would be better off

parented by his grandparents or his father.

Another stigma around mental health is that

talking about anxiety disorders and depression

will make these conditions worse.

Especially talking about suicide,

or even saying the word,

will make it more likely to happen.

I thought if I talked about suicide,

it might, um, possibly cause it to actually happen.

But talking won't make things worse

or suicide more likely. The truth is that talking is

one of the most powerful ways to feel better.

I realized that you need somebody there

to help you, to talk to.

Like, you have to talk with them

and get them through it calmly.

You can't just scream at 'em, yell at 'em,

or say hurtful things, even if you don't even mean 'em.

I would just say, "roshaun, I'm sitting here

right with you, no matter what, and you already know

if you call me for anything, I'll be there for you.

If you... if you need me for anything, or you need talk

or anything, whatever you gotta do,

just know I'm gonna be there for you."

And then usually I'll just give him a hug

and hold him until he relaxes.

When my anxiety hits me, it helps to know that

mack is open to talking to me about it,

that I can tell him anything,

and he will try his best to give me good advice,

no matter what I'm going through.

When Dylan is having anxiety,

I am there for him and really listen.

So, there was a...

A turning point in my recovery,

and I was interviewed for a story in the Kansas City star.

And the writer, Jeff passan,

and I were sitting in a restaurant.

And after some small talk, he took his recorder,

and he put it on the table and he hit "record."

And his question was, "so, who is Ryan lefebvre?"

And I had a choice to make. I could talk about

Ryan lefebvre the major league broadcaster,

Ryan lefebvre the former college athlete,

like I'd answered dozens of interviews before that...

Or I could take this opportunity

and share who I really was and what was going on in my life.

And I chose the latter.

And it was at a time

when men really weren't talking a whole lot about depression.

We do everything we can to avoid talking about it.

I felt like it was almost a whisper from god saying,

"here you go. Here's your chance."

And I told him.

I told him everything that had happened to me,

everything I was going through.

And the response was overwhelming.

And I still to this day get letters from complete strangers

just thanking me for telling my story.

If you're worried about your friend,

it's important that you talk to them

and ask them if they're okay.

Ask them if they're having thoughts of hurting themselves.

Talking to them won't make the situation worse.

It just makes it easier for them to talk about their pain.

I think that there is a stigma in regards to talking about

anxiety disorder and depression.

What people will think, or, you know, um,

you know, people don't really understand it.

People don't even really believe that it's a real thing.

And the last thing they want is for somebody

to tell them that their feelings aren't valid.

So, the stigma

prevents people from just starting.

But when we begin the journey,

and we allow ourselves to be influenced

by people who can really help us, um...

That's when the healing begins.

I think too many people think we shouldn't talk about it,

but I think they're wrong.

The more we talk about these things,

the easier it is to understand.

If my friends understood what anxiety

disorder and depression were, it would make my life easier.

The first way you can be a good friend to someone

living with an anxiety disorder and depression...

Is to learn what they are.

So, let's talk about it.

What exactly is anxiety?

A big turning point for me was when I discovered

there was a difference between normal anxiety that helps us,

and an anxiety disorder that hurts us.

The right amount of anxiety is great.

Human beings need it to keep us safe.

It's similar to a reflex. We can't control it.

It just happens, like coughing or sneezing.

Coughing is what our body does when

we breathe in something that is dangerous to our lungs.

Anxiety is what our body does when

we step into a situation that is dangerous to us.

Anxiety is like our body's fire alarm.

It tells us we are in danger and we need to act fast.

A simple way to think about it is to imagine

if you were walking in the jungle and saw a tiger.

Anxiety would kick in to help you fight the tiger off,

flee from the tiger, or it helps you freeze

and be very still so the tiger won't see you.

It takes a lot of energy to fight off a tiger.

And it's anxiety's job to give us that energy.

Everyone has anxiety.

I need anxiety.

I need anxiety.

So do I.

And so do you.

Normal anxiety is different than an anxiety disorder.

After 26 years

of announcing major league baseball,

I still feel anxious before a broadcast.

But that type of anxiety actually helps me.

It fuels me and helps me focus and prepare

so I can do my best.

Anxiety sends a rush of adrenaline

and other chemicals to help us react with the strength

and quickness we need to get away from danger.

It's like rocket fuel pumping through your body.

Another turning point for me in my journey

was when I realized that the human instinct to cry

and sadness can actually be healthy.

The right amount of sadness is not a bad thing.

It's actually great for us.

Everyone feels sad sometimes.

I know I do.

- Sometimes I feel sad. - Me too.

We all live with sadness.

Like anxiety,

sadness has an evolutionary purpose for human beings.

While anxiety drives us away from

people, places, or things that are bad for us,

sadness draws us nearer to and helps us remember

the people, places, or things that we care about.

A simple way to think about it is

to remember when we were babies,

and we needed our caregivers for our survival.

Our bodies were programmed to feel sadness when

our caregivers, like our mom, dad, or grandparents left us.

Our mom, dad, grandparent, or caregiver would hear our cries

and come back to us,

and give us the care we needed to be healthy and strong.

The sadness kept us safe.

When we grow up, we still need care from others

to be healthy and strong.

When Braydon moved to Florida, it made me really sad.

I felt like I lost my best friend.

We started hanging out a lot more in the summer.

But my sadness reminds me to call him and to talk to him.

It keeps us close, and his support

makes me healthy and strong.

We still need food, love,

and shelter in our lives to survive.

It's kind of like hunger or thirst.

When our body needs nutrients from food,

it releases chemicals that make us feel hungry.

We can't control it. It just happens!

When our body needs support from other people or things,

it releases chemicals that make us feel sad.

We can't control it either. It just happens.

When I forget to eat breakfast,

I get so hungry right before lunch.

It's hard for me to concentrate on anything else.

My stomach growls, can't stop thinking about food.

When the bell rings for lunch, I am so happy.

Getting hungry doesn't mean I'm weak,

just like being sad doesn't mean I'm weak.

Sadness can actually make us strong when we need it.

J“ let's live in peace j“

j“ not pieces of broken hearts that have to mend j“

j“ over and over again j“

we all need normal levels

of sadness and anxiety to function.

From a physical standpoint, normal anxiety and sadness

impacts our bodies in a very direct way.

It causes our heart to beat faster.

Our muscles to tense.

It gives us energy.

Sometimes, it can make our stomach upset.

And cause our hands and legs to tremble.

We may even cry.

That's just sadness.

- That's anxiety. - We all have it.

It's just our body's normal response.

I guess that's why I was so confused

when I was overwhelmed by sadness and anxiety,

because I'd been able to manage it before.

J“ back when it was so easy to close our eyes j“

j“ and sleep the days away j“

j“ 'cause we just wanted to stay the same j“

I just wanted to be normal, but I couldn't.

It just, like, went from being

this great little toddler

and this happy, young... young child

into a ball of fire.

J“ I don't think that I can handle this like I used to j“

I didn't know what he was experiencing

wasn't normal. You don't know what you don't know,

and at the time, I was really blindsided.

J“ I don't think that I can handle this like I used to j“

Too much coughing and sneezing

can be uncomfortable, and it may even hurt us.

Too much anxiety can be uncomfortable,

and may even hurt us.

Too much or excessive anxiety is called

an "anxiety disorder."

I deal with my anxiety disorder every single day,

all the time.

I worry that my friends or family are upset with me

or mad at me, and I can't stop.

It's hard for me to talk to people and do the things

that I want to do because I feel scared.

It makes me shake and sometimes cry.

It makes me want to run and hide

and lock myself in my room.

That's just how anxiety disorder works.

I feel anxious sometimes too.

My anxiety disorder has been in my life

since I was young. It started when I was eight.

I called it my "u-h oh" feeling.

When I think about going to school

and having to talk to kids, or being in a social setting,

it makes my anxiety flare up.

For a while, my mom had to drop me off at a certain spot

at the flagpole in front of my school,

where I knew my friends would be,

right at a certain time or! Would feel really sick.

I would get nauseous and feel like I couldn't breathe.

It got so bad that [Had to stop going to school

for a while, and I missed my friends a lot.

Excessive anxiety impacts my thoughts

every single day.

I worry that I can't do what I need to do

to achieve my future goals.

My goal is to earn a college scholarship

for track and field. But when my anxiety disorder flares up,

the stress overwhelms me,

and I am convinced I won't be able to do it.

It's hard to breathe.

I feel trapped, and that no one can help me.

Sometimes it feels like I can't take it anymore.

I did everything I could to push it down,

but one day, I exploded.

The argument started with me being disrespectful.

I was raised not to talk back to my parents,

and that is how I was trying to raise roshaun.

My point was that I felt like

my feelings were being unheard, and that...

She loved or looked at my siblings

differently than she looked at me.

I would say normal anxiety is you're a little anxious,

you're a little fidgety, um, you're just a little scared

or you just don't really know what's happening.

When roshaun's anxiety kicks in,

he just starts spinning out of control.

I would throw things.

There's no reasoning.

I would get angry at myself.

There's not any calming him down.

My body was extremely shaky.

I got a phone call saying that roshaun

was talking about wanting to take his life.

And that's when I told her I didn't want to live anymore.

It just made me feel almost like I couldn't breathe,

because I didn't know what to do.

It made me, um, question if I was doing the right thing

as his parent, if... if I should take him to the hospital.

Um, but by taking him to the hospital,

I was highly concerned about him having,

um, something on his record

that would affect him later on in life.

But then by not doing anything,

I was always fearful that I would come home

and he would have made an attempt.

And I w... it didn't really sit well with me at all,

so I called him and I made sure that, like,

I exchanged words with him and told him how much I love him,

and how much it would really hurt me if I lost him.

I finally realized his situation was serious

and he can't control it.

It's not something that he's deciding to do,

or using to manipulate me.

So many times I wanted to sleep,

but my anxious mind wouldn't let me.

And I wanted to do something,

but my depressed mind wouldn't let me.

I felt trapped with nowhere to go.

I live with an anxiety disorder,

and I also live with depression.

[Live with both also.

Studies show that nearly half of people who

live with an anxiety disorder also live with depression.

We have learned so much about what anxiety is.

But what exactly is depression?

One way to think about it is to imagine if your body

went into a deep state of hunger or thirst,

and no matter how much you ate or drank,

you were still hungry and thirsty.

That's how depression can feel to some kids,

like they have a hole that they can't fill.

That's how depression feels to me.

When my depression kicks in,

I can't control my sadness. None of the things that

usually make me happy can cheer me up.

It just feels easier for me to lay in bed

than do any of the things that I normally do,

or be around people.

I know everybody feels like that sometimes, but mine got

to the point where I hated talking to anyone.

There are times when I notice

jana's really down and discouraged.

She misses school, and I don't hear from her for a while.

I think that's when she's having depression.

I realized I was living with depression

during my freshman year of high school.

My horse, Jeffrey, died.

He had been such a source of support and happiness for me.

I couldn't stop crying.

It's like he'd taken all of my happiness when he left me.

I stayed in bed all day,

and even thought about hurting myself.

My doctor explained to me that I was experiencing

something more than typical sadness, that it was just

my body's unique way of responding to losing my horse.

My life with depression began when I was a teenager.

I feel that I'm unimportant and that nothing matters,

like I'm unworthy of any attention or love.

My depression is like a physical cloud

that comes over me.

Every day is cloudy when I'm depressed.

My viewpoint on anxiety disorder and depression

changed after our visit, um,

to the emergency room once I realized the severity of it.

We were sitting around, Braydon was home...

And my brother thought I was being disrespectful,

and he was saying, "do not talk to my mom like that."

And then I got angry, and I felt like my mom

always sided with my brother.

He said it again, that he wished he didn't... wasn't here,

and that he jus... just wished his life could end.

That he hated himself and he wanted to die.

My mother told me if he were to say that again,

that we was gonna take him to the hospital.

I think that he thought maybe she was playing.

But since I was there, I said, "uh-uh. This is not normal.

I grabbed him up and I hugged him super, super tight.

I was hysterical, and my brother had picked me up.

Braydon just snatched him up, threw him over his shoulder,

put him in the car,

and, uh, we drove him to the emergency room.

That me squeezing him nice and tight showed him

how much I really loved him,

and then I just kind of feel like

that feeling translated into him.

Braydon was crying, I was crying.

It was an extremely emotional experience.

That's when I really realized I had a problem

when I was faced with having to answer their questions.

What I did learn was he had a plan.

That I contemplated my death.

He was like, "I'll just take a whole bunch of pills

and go to sleep, and it'll be easy."

He would cd. On pills.

Taking a bottle of pills after school,

and going home and hoping that I wouldn't wake up.

It was the first time that roshaun

had really opened up about his depression.

And if an episode of depression goes on

for too long, becomes too serious,

or if your friend mentions having thoughts of

harming themselves or taking their own life,

it is vitally important that you take action right away.

Trust your instincts.

No one expects you to be their therapist.

Talk to an adult that you trust for advice

or help dealing with it.

It can be your parents, your friend's parents,

a teacher, counselor, coach, an older brother,

older sister, or your doctor.

- You can call my parents. - Talk to my teacher.

Because I need help.

And I may be too afraid to ask for it.

And if you're hesitating because you're worried

that your friend might be mad at you, don't.

Don't hesitate.

Because your friend's life is on the line.

Because my life is on the line.

And although I might be upset with you temporarily,

I will forever be grateful to you for allowing me

to continue to live this life and be your friend.

To be strong and healthy.

How I feel about Braydon in regards to how he responded

in the moment, um, his brother needed him

is forever grateful.

Um, he was really able to step up and be the voice of reason.

He just really took immediate action,

and it was really the turning point for roshaun.

As soon as he said that,

I was like, "I can't lose my brother."

He already said it once, so it's not something that

you need to just throw over your shoulder.

If I just threw that over my shoulder

and looked the other way and didn't think about it,

and the next day I woke up to a phone call

saying my brother was dead, that would destroy me.

So if you think your friend or classmate is in danger

of hurting themselves, act quickly.

You can even call a suicide hotline or 911.

If your gut is telling you it is

the right thing to do, do it.

You may help save your friend's life.

I want Dylan around for a long time.

I need Allie in my life.

I don't know what I would do without Morgan.

When I needed help, my mom was there for me.

Michael helps me understand that depression

is not my fault, and it doesn't make me weak.

Just like it's not my fault...

It's not my fault when my body reacts...

When my body reacts to an illness

- with too much coughing. - It's not my fault

when my body reacts to a stressful situation

- with too much anxiety. - Just like it's not my fault

when my stomach growls super loudly,

or I sneeze a lot.

It doesn't mean I'm weaker than anyone else.

It's just the way my body works.

There are many incredible parts to Morgan,

and depression is just one of them.

It's just one part of who I am.

It's just one part of my amazing friend jana.

'Cause the worst thing that happens to anybody

when they're going through this is to truly believe that

they are the only one in the world going through this,

and that nobody else will understand

what they're going through.

That is the worst lie of them all.

But when we're all willing to just share our story and say,

"yeah, I went through that before, and here's what I did,"

or, "yeah, I know exactly how you feel.

I remember when I felt that way. And it might've

been yesterday, but I know exactly how that feels."

And... and when... when someone shares a story

and it gives someone else the courage to share their story,

and there's this chain reaction, well,

all of a sudden, the stigma isn't what it once was.

Anxiety disorders and depression

are medical conditions that can become severe.

But, there are many ways to manage them

and live a long, fulfilling life.

And just like when I'm having too much coughing

- and sneezing... - Or allergies.

- I go see a doctor. - When I'm having too much

- anxiety... - Or depression...

I go see my therapist.

Kids visit a doctor or a therapist, like me,

to help them with their anxiety disorder and depression.

I'm kind of like a coach.

But instead of coaching kids on their physical skills,

I'm coaching them on their mental skills.

Instead of teaching kids how to dribble a ball,

or take a shot at a goal, I teach kids how to use

breathing techniques and focus their mind.

Sometimes we talk in a specific way that is

called cognitive behavioral therapy.

- I go to a therapist. - I see a therapist.

So do I. It helps a lot.

I also help kids come up with a plan

to manage their feelings and thoughts.

I teach them relaxation techniques

and breathing exercises.

I give them powerful tools to help them be

courageous in the face of their fears.

I knew that I needed to be able to relate to roshaun

differently, and that he needed some additional tools.

So he needed a therapist.

Um, there was some things that was inside of him

that he needed to work through,

that maybe I didn't have the answers for,

and we really just needed to find

the... the professional help to... to get through it.

My doctor taught me to use breathing exercises

when I feel anxious.

He taught me to inhale for eight seconds,

hold for seven seconds,

and then exhale for eight seconds,

and prescribed me medication to help handle my depression.

And sometimes doctors prescribe medications to help kids.

Medication helped me manage

my anxiety disorder and depression.

It's just like how I have asthma,

and sometimes I need an inhaler.

When you live with an anxiety disorder and depression,

sometimes you need medication to make you feel better.

Sometimes my medication changes,

and it takes me a while to get used to it.

I can be tired and cranky.

It's okay. I understand.

It's just what Michael needs to do to take care of himself.

I live with anxiety disorder and depression,

but I work every day to manage them

through lifestyle choices, treatments, therapy,

diet, and exercise.

Just like if you want to run fast,

you have to take care of your legs.

If you want to be mentally well,

you have to take care of your brain.

I take care of my brain by going to therapy,

feeding it the right foods, listening to great music,

giving it rest, praying, and exercising it.

Just like any other kid,

I work hard to stay healthy and strong.

I try to eat healthy foods.

Lots of vegetables.

Eating a gluten and egg-free diet helps me

manage my anxiety disorder and depression.

I take quiet time for myself.

[Make time to meditate, and it helps me.

It actually helps me a lot.

I figured out that doing volunteer work helps me.

I love donating my time.

It really gives me a sense of purpose.

I spend time with family and friends.

I go outside.

Getting out of my house really helps me.

[Love to go on hikes and go hammocking with Allie.

We just hang a hammock and relax in a park.

Ask your friend living with anxiety and depression

to go on a walk with you, or go for a drive and talk.

It really helps.

Running outside in nature really helps me.

Rain or shine, in the cold of winter

or the heat of summer, running is my anti-depressant.

A lot of my anxiety disorder and depression

came from worrying too much about the future.

I would tell myself horrible stories about my future.

Like, "I will lose my job. I will lose my house.

I will lose my relationships.

I will die alone with no friends."

But my therapist taught me how to bring myself back

to the present moment by asking myself the question,

and it almost always wasn't true.

So I really work on keeping my thoughts in the present moment.

Doing these things helped me

- with my anxiety disorder. - And my depression.

It helps me to have a list of tools and resources,

whether it's in my phone

or printed out and hung on the wall.

Good food, exercise, outdoors,

friends, therapy, whatever helps.

These are things all kids can do to stay healthy and strong,

but they especially help kids living with

an anxiety disorder and depression

manage how much and how often they experience them.

I try to find joy in every day.

I have found that laughing with my friends

and family is some of the best therapy for me.

What are things that you do that make you feel better?

I try to help roshaun in any way I can.

I'll do anything for Shaun.

Anything, it doesn't matter.

Hey, I want to go show you something really cool I found.

And there is so much you can do to

help your friend manage their anxiety and depression.

Now, that is, like, from heat and pressure.

That's the only way that's made.

Can't make it any other way.

My brother helped save my life,

because I don't know if that moment didn't take place,

if I would still be standing here.

To make this, it had to go under

serious heat and pressure.

So just know even on your worst days...

You can be beautiful at the end of the day.

You can even do this exercise that can help

you feel what it's like to have an anxiety attack.

Just breathe in and out as fast as you can for 60 seconds.

That's good.

I can't catch my breath.

Oh, my gosh.

It makes my heart beat really fast.

It makes me feel a little sick.

That's kind of what I feel like when

I'm having an anxiety attack.

Except it's a lot different when you're pretending,

because you know it's gonna end.

When you are really having an anxiety attack,

- you don't know when... - Or if...

- it will end. - It will end.

And anxiety attacks feel different for everyone.

Some kids get nauseous, and even faint.

When I am having an anxiety attack,

I like it when grace talks to me about something

that she knows makes me happy.

Whatever you're going through right now,

it'll get better, and you'll be okay.

And this is just a small thing compared to

the rest of your life, and you will be all right.

You can hug!

Sometimes she'll play my favorite song.

We like to car dance.

So do we.

When I'm having an anxiety attack,

I like it when my friend asks me,

"will the thing you're worried about have any effect on

your life, career, or health ten years from now?"

It helps me put whatever it is that's triggering

my anxiety into perspective, and I feel better.

When Morgan's having too much anxiety,

I try to remember that it isn't anything that I'm doing

that's causing it. I try not to be judgmental,

get angry with her, or take it personally.

I'm just there for her,

and try not to push her past what she wants to do.

I support any decision that Morgan makes

to help herself feel better.

I love that McKenna lets me know she's there for me,

and doesn't judge me or try to cure me.

It's not something she can fix, but she can comfort me

while it's happening by letting me know

that she's there and that she cares.

Nice job.

Blondie was kickin' it.

It's interesting that anxiety

has the same physical symptoms as excitement.

Like waiting in line for a roller coaster.

Some kids are excited about it, and some kids are anxious.

Anxiety can be like excitement,

but it's just turned inside-out.

Everyone is different. Just ask your friend

for directions on how to help and look for cues.

It also helps to know my triggers.

A trigger is something that happens,

or a particular type of situation,

that may cause your friend to experience

anxiety and depression.

Triggers are very personal,

and they can change over time.

One of my triggers is going to school.

- Test-taking. - When people I know

are fighting or yelling around me.

Unexpected change to my plans triggers my anxiety.

Any little change can set it off.

That's why it's important that I get outside,

exercise, and go to my doctor to manage it.

In eighth grade, we were reading the book

to kill a mockingbird. So when we were in class,

we would read page to page.

There would be kids of different ethnicity

who would say the n-word,

and they would laugh, and they would look at me.

And then after class, I would go to my locker

and they would come by me and they would say the n-word.

Or they... and I'd be like,

"you can't say that, it's not right."

And then they'd be like, "I have the n-word pass."

It caused my anxiety disorder and depression to flare.

The words you use matter, and they can hurt.

Social media can be a trigger.

It does trigger anxiety when I'm on social media.

It's hard to remember that most people are

only posting their highlight reel.

The constant feeling of having to post your happy moments,

to compare myself to other people, or to wish that I was

like some of the people who are social media influencers.

It can make people feel inadequate and insecure

about what's going on in their lives,

or that they are somehow missing out.

And it's ironic because while people are connecting,

they end up feeling more alone.

Triggers can be anything, like being around someone

who is ill, the end of a relationship,

or a frightening news event.

And they often change.

Keeping the lines of communication open

with your friend will help you understand what causes them

to experience too much anxiety, so you can support them.

It's amazing how much a simple text can help.

I really appreciate that McKenna doesn't

text me questions that'll make me feel bad, like,

"where have you been?" "Are you mad at me?"

"Why aren't you talking to me?"

I know she isn't feeling well,

just like I wouldn't take it personally

if she was home with the flu or allergies.

Some things work for some people and not for others.

Maybe just ask your friend what you can do

to help them feel better.

What makes your anxiety disorder and depression worse?

If someone's talking to your friend

and calling them crazy or insane,

you should step up and let 'em know that it's not okay.

Help that person understand that anxiety and depression

is a real medical condition, just like asthma or the flu.

I'm so grateful somebody helped me understand.

Now I try to help others understand it, too.

Because if we don't work together to

get rid of the stigma, it will be hard for children

like roshaun to be able to get the help they need.

If I'm ashamed to admit that I have anxiety

disorder and depression, how can I take care of it?

One stigma we need to work hard to eliminate

is that if people seek professional help

for their mental health, that they will be

forever labeled as "crazy" or have issues,

and it will somehow keep them from getting the job they want.

I know when I finally saw a doctor,

I was literally afraid he was gonna put me

in a straitjacket and send me to an institution

out in the middle of nowhere.

By taking roshaun to get help,

I really thought that, you know,

if there was a paper trail in regards to his mental health

that it could cause him issues in his future in regards to

getting a job, or, you know, getting into college.

I was always questioning what to do,

when in my heart I knew I needed to get him help.

Um, I just was very... I just lived in this fearful place.

I guess I just put it in the category of a criminal record.

Now I believe getting roshaun the help that he needs

for his anxiety disorder and depression

will provide him a future.

At first, I was afraid to go to a therapist.

I was afraid kids might make fun of me or call me crazy.

But Morgan is not crazy.

And Dylan is anything but weak.

It actually takes an extremely courageous person

to seek help from a therapist.

So please don't call people crazy, or insane,

or that they have issues. And that goes for me, too.

Now I know better.

Stop making people feel bad

for taking care of their mental health.

Support your friends and family when they're working hard

to take care of their mental health.

You're gonna make your life better

and your family's life better.

I've seen that in my own family.

It is hard work, but it is worth it.

It actually takes a lot of courage

to seek help from a therapist.

It can be really hard work,

and requires you to prioritize your own health,

and put yourself first.

I believe by getting help, it makes you more reliable,

qualified, and productive for jobs.

I know a lot of parents think that if they get

help for their kid's mental health,

that other parents will think badly of them.

I would tell you not to worry about being a bad parent,

because your child's mental health is more important

than what other people think.

Since I have been able to get help

for roshaun's mental health, I feel that more people have

come to me in regards to, uh, wanting to know how

we worked through it, and we haven't been judged.

Nobody has called me a bad parent

since I got roshaun help.

Roshaun has called me a good parent for getting him help.

And what's that mean to you?

The world.

I feel that I'm a better parent to roshaun.

It is so important for people to feel good

about going to a therapist.

A lifesaving step I took

when anxiety and depression overwhelmed me was when

I finally chose to talk to a therapist.

Anxiety disorders and depression

are a medical condition.

I don't take roshaun's pain personally anymore.

I just try to be there for him

and get him the help that he needs.

And just like I would never make fun of someone

with allergies going to see a doctor, I would never make fun

of someone living with an anxiety disorder

and depression going to see a therapist.

I really admire jana for having the courage to do

what she needs to do to stay well by going to a therapist.

It just makes sense.

I see a therapist too.

Everyone gets stressed or sad sometimes.

It helps me.

I just want to be the healthiest person I can be.

So please help end the stigma.

I did call roshaun ridiculous,

because I thought that he was making this up.

Please don't make the same mistake I did.

You would never tell a friend with allergies

to stop being ridiculous,

just like jana would never tell me my asthma is ridiculous.

You would never tell a friend with a bad cold

they were making it up.

And you would never tell someone who is hungry

to stop acting crazy.

So please, don't do that to Morgan or to kids like her.

I am friends with Allie

because she is a good person.

She fights for causes she believes in,

even if her voice shakes.

She is brave about joining protests.

She was even a featured speaker

at a walkout at her school. She offers me guidance when

I'm feeling anxious or depressed.

When you're in the hospital

for an anxiety disorder and depression,

you don't have your phone or access to your friends,

because your only focus is feeling better.

It's easy to lose touch, and some friends fall away,

but not Michael. He was one of my only friends who was

there for me when I got out of the hospital.

It meant so much to me.

"Poem I wrote about brotherhood."

"Miles and miles and miles away,

in the world that seems it's flying away,

finding myself in a state of despair.

But the man up... Up above gave me a vessel.

A vessel, yes.

I remember you teaching me how to ride a bike.

I remem... I remember putting water bottles in our bikes

to be loud."

"You saved my life. I love you."

That was really nice.

What inspired me to write that was just our story

and just the things that we've been through growing up.

Oh, yeah. I love you so much, man.

I love you more.

We joke that we think so much alike

that we share the same brain cells.

I've experienced moments of anxiety and depression,

and jana was there for me. She really listened to me.

She helped me work through it.

It's easy to be a good friend to someone

living with an anxiety disorder and depression.

Just treat them like any other kid.

Just treat me like any other kid.

And just like any other kid, kids living with

an anxiety disorder and depression want to be included.

Invite them to your birthday parties

- and sleepovers. - And please understand

if I say no or have to cancel last minute...

It's just the anxiety disorder and depression.

And if someone is being hurtful to a friend or classmate

living with an anxiety disorder or depression,

it's okay to stand up for them.

It's okay to teach that person about anxiety and depression.

Because maybe that person just doesn't understand.

Or have the knowledge.

You can give them the knowledge they need to understand.

You can give them the knowledge

- they need to understand. - Because when you have

- the knowledge... - The knowledge.

When you know what an anxiety disorder and depression are...

- You understand. - Understand why kids

living with an anxiety disorder and depression...

- May seem a little different. - Understand that we are

all different in our own ways.

And when you understand, you can accept.

- Accept... - That some kids live with

anxiety disorders and depression.

And they're still just a kid.

And when I share my story,

someone else might have the courage to share their story.

And when someone is in the... The deepest, darkest part

of depression, which is,

"nobody in the world understands how I feel.

Nobody cares how I feel, and I'm never gonna get better,"

that's the worst part.

But when we begin to share our stories with each other,

somebody can say,

"I understand. I'm just like you."

Just like you.

Just like you.

Just like you.

Just like you.

Just like you.

Just like you.

J“ why don't we lay j“

j“ and paint the skies j“

j“ why do we ever close our eyes j“

j“ with so much to see, you right here with me j“

j“ strawberry skies and freckled smiles j“

j“ 'cause you and! Were meant to be j“

j“ the world is such a lovely place j“

j“ when you're right here saying my name j“

j“ under the streetlight, dance like there's no chance j“

j“ to ruin our very perfect night j“

j“ because I want you j“

j“ why don't we lay and paint the sky j“

j“ why do we ever close our eyes j“

j“ with so much to see, you right here with me j“

j“ strawberry skies and freckled smiles j“

j“ 'cause you and! Were meant to be j“

j“ well, oceans stand between us j“

j“ but it don't stand a chance j“

j“ 'cause the love that we share j“

j“ will never, ever end j“

j“ when the whole world stands against you j“

j“ does it bring you to your knees j“

j“ when they take the words against you j“

j“ 'til you're begging them, please j“

J“ I am strong, I am fearless j“

j“ I've been broken just like you j“

j“ I feel happy, sometimes sad j“

j“ I am hopeful, just like you j“

j“ and when I run, sometimes I fall j“

j“ but then I stand and try again j“

j“ we're just the same j“

j“ we laugh and cry j“

j“ so now I know ican't denyj'

j“ I am wonderful j“

j“ I am marvelous j“

j“ I am beautiful just like you j“

j“ I am powerful and I am free j“

j“ just look at me j“

j“ I'm just like you j“

j“ you are strong j“

j“ you are fearless j“

j“ you are broken j“

j'iamtooj'

j“ you are happy j“

j“ sometimes sad j“

j“ you are faithful j“

j'iamtooj'

j“ and when we walk, we 're hand in hand j“

j“ we conquer all, we always win j“

j“ together we do so much more j“

j“ [really love you more than you'll know j“

j“ you are wonderful j“

j“ you are marvelous j“

j“ you are beautiful j“

j'iamtooj'

j“ you are powerful, and you are free j“

j“ [know you see j“

j“ I'm just like you j“

j“ I'm so glad to see j“

j“ that you have chosen me j“

j“ to be your friend, forever more j“

j“ until the end j“

j“ for all the friends j“

j“ we are wonderful j“

-j' we are marvelous j“ -j' we are marvelous j“

-j' we are beautiful j“ -j' you and me, yeah j“

-j' we are powerful j“ -j' we 're powerful j“

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j“ [know you see j“

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j“ we are marvelous j“

j“ we are beautiful, me and you j“

-j' we are powerful j“ -j' we 're powerful j“

-j' we 're powerful j“ -j' and we are free j“

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j“ just like me j“

j“ I'm like you, you're like me j“

j“ so glad to be just like you j“

j“ like you j“