Original subtitles

♪ Ooh‐ooh‐ooh

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Travel down the road And back again ♪

♪ Your heart is true ♪

♪ You're a pal And a confidante ♪

♪ And if you threw A party ♪

♪ Invited everyone You knew ♪

♪ You would see

♪ The biggest gift Would be from me ♪

♪ And the card attached Would say ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

(vacuum whirring)

I don't believe it.

The owner of the Mecca Hotel is suing us.

But we can't watch Sofia 24 hours a day!

And that wet T‐shirt contest was open to the public.

No, no, it's not that.

He claims that part of our parking lot is on his property.

Oh great, now we're going to have to get a lawyer.

Well, that's gonna cost us a fortune, whether we win or lose.

Maybe not. Maybe we don't need a lawyer.

I'll just have a meeting with this Mr. Gentry.

Everything will be all right.

Do you really think you can get him to drop his lawsuit?

Honey, if my dress is cut low enough,

I can get him to drop more than that.

All right, ladies.

Chalk up another volleyball victory for the Golden Palace.

Oh, who did we beat today?

We beat the Carlyle. Brad was on it!

No, no. Well, yeah.

Brad, you didn't hurt that big,

broad shoulder of yours again now, did you?

‐Oh, no, Blanche, it's fine, really. ‐Huh? Huh? Come here!

‐It's, it's, it's fine! ‐Brad!

I'm not gonna bite ya.

Well, you did last time.

Blanche: Oh!

You really do scare him, you know?

Oh, for heaven's sake, I'm just teasing him. I don't mean anything by it.

I don't do anything to really scare him.

What about the time you showed him

the attachments to your back massager?

What's the matter, Chuy, you're awfully quiet.

Didn't you have a good game?

Once again, I didn't get to play.

Once again, I got to sit on the hot sand and burn my butt

while Roland and Brad played the whole game.

And I know why.

It's because I kind of stink at volleyball, huh?

No, this is a racial issue, man.

Of course, it's because you stink at volleyball!

Look, we only have two games left to win the Championship.

I'm not going to change the lineup now.

As long as I'm the captain, Brad is playing.

I want to win that trophy.

Well, maybe I can help. I did play volleyball, you know,

back on the girl's high school team in St. Olaf.

I mean, I was known as Jump Up and Down Rose.

That was your nickname?

No, that's what they'd call out to me.

Boys can be so cruel.

Hey, Roland, what time do you want me at volleyball practice?

(laughing)

What's so funny?

You stink.

Yeah. What time should we be there, Roland?

‐We? ‐Didn't Roland tell you? I'm on the team now.

Wait a minute.

I come out all season waiting for a chance to play,

and Rose comes along and tells one St. Olaf story

about jumping up and down and she's in?

No, it wasn't like that, Chuy.

Now Rose and I went out on the beach

and she showed me what she could do.

And she's good?

Well, she's no Chuy Castillos.

(laughing)

So, yeah, she's good.

Well, you will not believe what happened to me today.

I was at a business meeting down at the bank,

trying to get our line of credit increased.

So I'm sitting there across the room from this

Mr. Reynolds, a vice president, mind you.

And, oh, he said the most upsetting thing to me.

Don't come back until you're wearing underwear?

Sofia, I always go to meetings

with men dressed like this.

To me, it's just a great business tool.

You know, it gives me a leg up.

Just one?

Well, I know it's not fair. I mean, is it possible

for any man to resist me when I look this way?

Well, is it?

(overlapping agreement)

So anyway, there I was, and I started coming on to Mr. Reynolds‐‐

Well, no, I don't mean exactly coming on to him.

You know, I just said one innocent little thing,

and I guess he must have thought I was coming on to him.

What did you say?

Well, I said I'd like to put him in a hot tub

and drink him like soup.

Blanche!

Well, don't you get mad at me.

He threw me out of the office.

I guess he's just a guy who doesn't respond

to a totally sexual human being.

Look, Blanche,

you came on to a man in a business situation.

Well, that's practically sexual harassment.

Yeah, but I'm not gonna file any charges.

Blanche, you sexually harassed him

and you made the hotel look bad.

I did?

Look, things have changed since we bought this hotel.

You're not a social butterfly anymore.

You're a businesswoman.

And you, you behave differently in business deals.

Well, look what you do to Brad, the pool guy.

Oh, but I'm just teasin' him!

Well, maybe you do have a point.

I think of it as teasing. But how does it make him feel?

Honestly, he feels that at some point

he's going to have to sleep with you

in order to keep this job.

‐Really? He said that? ‐Rose: Blanche!

Huh?

Oh, I'm doing it right now, aren't I?

Oh, well, hey, what am I going to do?

I have that meeting tomorrow with Mr. Gentry from The Mecca.

My plan was to seduce him out of those parking spots.

But that's wrong, right?

Right.

Oh boy, I've done this all my life.

I'm really ashamed of myself.

Well, I guess I'll just have to change my ways.

And I will, too.

From now on, Blanche Devereaux is a new person.

I will never again throw myself

at any man I'm doing business with.

Well, there goes our free cable.

I got it, I got it!

Roland: Set.

Yes, baby! Alright, 14‐5.

Time out, I got some sand in my eye.

Oh no, that's all right, man. Happens to all of us.

(mocking): Time out, I got some sand in my eye.

We're gonna kill these guys. Man, I love to win!

Now, don't get overconfident. These guys could come back.

Oh, no way, not a chance, man.

This game's history, it's over.

Hey, Coach, do I go in now?

Not yet, Chuy, they could come back.

‐Come on, man, put me and Rose in now. ‐Yeah!

Yeah, Go ahead, Ro. Give 'em a chance. They'll be alright.

Alright, look, we got one point to win.

It's our serve. Go get 'em!

(all cheering)

What are you doing, Rose?

‐Team cheer. ‐Okay. Come on.

Rigamarole, rigamarie, binga‐bonga, hip‐hip‐he!

Luga, lista, sis‐boom‐bah!

Ooga‐wooga, foom‐ba‐nah!

‐Shima‐wee‐‐ ‐Come on, Rose!

Oh, oh, okay, alright. Here we go.

Hit it to the guy who stinks.

Hey, Rose, you wanna serve first?

Oh yeah, I got a great serve.

Okay, alright! Here we go.

Ah!

Alright, side out.

That's okay, we'll get it back. Here we go.

Roland: Come on, you guys, get it back.

Come on, guys.

5‐14.

‐Oh, I thought you had it. ‐Oh, I thought you had it.

‐I'm sorry. Well, we got it. ‐Okay, come on. We'll get the next one.

‐Let's go. ‐Roland: Let's go!

6‐14.

‐I thought you had it. ‐I thought you had it!

Roland: Okay, now I've had it.

Look, one of you has to call for the ball

so the other one knows who has it.

(Rose and Chuy agreeing)

Call for the ball, alright.

‐Roland: All right. Let's go. ‐Let's go!

7‐14.

Both: You got it!

‐Time out. ‐Okay, hey, time out.

Huddle up. Okay.

‐You're out, we're in. ‐Brad: Alright.

8‐14.

(indistinct chatter)

Oh!

I got it, I got it, I got it!

Set.

Ah, yes, all right!

(crowd cheering)

‐Let's go, Brad. ‐Here we go.

This is it.

I got it, I got it!

Set.

Yes! Game, baby!

(whooping)

I can't believe it. This is a total waste.

I'm useless.

There's no reason for me even to be here.

Well, not at all, Chuy. You were terrific.

I mean, you took a boring, one‐sided game

and turned it into a real nail‐biter.

Alright, Rose!

Golden Palace!

(all chanting): Golden Palace, Golden Palace...

I'm ready for Mr. Gentry.

Who are you supposed to be? Dr. Quinn, Medicine Slut?

From now on, I'm not going to let my sexuality

interfere in my business relationship with a man.

I just couldn't respect myself if I did.

I have changed.

From now on, I'm Blanche Devereaux, businesswoman.

Excuse me, I'm looking for Miss Blanche Devereaux.

(sultry): I'm Blanche Devereaux.

I am Lawrence Gentry, and may I say

what a pleasure it is to meet such a beautiful woman?

I'll, uh, I'll be right back,

Mr. Gentry, I just want to run,

change into somethin' not so... hot.

♪

Blanche, we can't let you do this.

Now, you seemed so determined to change your ways.

You're afraid to use your brain instead of your body.

Now don't be ridiculous.

Why should I use my brain

when I can have these proud beauties stand up for me?

I've got news for you. They're falling down on the job a little.

See, I always knew Blanche acts the way she does

because she suffers from Sturgeon‐yankin.

Now, do we have to listen to this?

I have to. I can't run as fast as I used to.

When I was young, Dr. Sigmund Sturgeon,

St. Olaf's most controversial psychologist,

was called in when all the girls in town became‐‐

Oh, how can I put this?

Oh, what the heck? We're all adults.

Became like you, Blanche.

His theory was if you pulled out a girl's front teeth,

it made her less attractive,

and that solved the promiscuous problem.

So it was decided that all the girls in St. Olaf,

except the daughters of the members of the town council,

would have Dr. Sturgeon yank out their front teeth.

Thus, the name Sturgeon‐yankin.

Hey, you know, you may be right.

Rose, my wanting to look nice for Mr. Gentry

has nothing to do with my old way of doing business.

Isn't it possible I'm just attracted to him?

I mean, what's supposed to happen in the '90s

when two people meet at work

and they're just plain attracted to each other.

You want my opinion?

Keep your body out of it and just use your mind.

Is that really possible?

You want to be a professional?

Ah‐ha, okay, alright.

‐I'll try this. ‐That‐a‐girl, Blanche!

But I have to tell you, it feels very unnatural.

If it gets too tough, there is help.

As we say in St. Olaf, men don't chase toothless women.

Not until last call.

So sorry for keeping you waiting, Mr. Gentry.

I thought we'd just have our meeting right here.

Are you sure? You know, now that we met,

I'd much rather discuss business tonight, maybe over dinner?

No, we're here to discuss business

and I prefer to keep it businesslike.

Sure. Dressed in that wild Dr. Quinn outfit, huh?

I've got to tell you something.

You are very sexy.

And why a man like you

isn't running around in a loincloth, I'll never know.

But look, it's very important to me that we keep things

between us on a business level.

Fine, fine. If that's the way you want it.

Please sit down.

‐Thank you. ‐Tea?

Uh, yes.

One hump or two?

I guess I can try two.

Now, just what seems to be the problem with the parking lot?

Well, as you know, land down here

is at a premium and our hotels are so close.

I mean, we are so close,

we're practically on top of each other.

Sounds good to me.

Now, we're here to talk about business,

so here are some of my ideas

about the parking places.

You, uh, you have those lunches for businessmen?

And you have fabulous eyes.

Which are undressing you at this very minute. No!

No, we've got to stop this.

Can't you just relate to me as a human being

and not some fabulously luscious boy‐toy?

But you are, Blanche. You are!

Maybe it's time to leave the business

to those who can do it best.

And you should concern yourself with... what you do best, huh?

No, no, damn it.

Look, when I bought this hotel,

I did it as a challenge to myself.

Well, this new way of doing business

is just another challenge.

Of course, with a person like you,

it may be the greatest challenge,

but I can do it because I have to.

Now, will you please pay close attention?

Because here's what we're going to do to solve

the parking spaces problem.

You and I have very different clientele.

Oh yes, we do.

So we're going interface our computers

and study the traffic flow,

determine who gets the spaces at peak occupancy

and then just share them equally without interfering

with any of our guests.

Will you agree?

Well, I underestimated you, Miss Devereaux.

That's a very impressive solution.

So it's settled.

And maybe once in a while, we could have lunch together.

Ah, just to see how we're doing.

With business?

Oh, of course.

‐Well, I'd like that. ‐Good.

Well, so...

very nice doing business with you, Mr. Gentry.

Well, it's very nice doing business with you, Miss Devereaux.

You know, you really do have

a scintillating mind.

You are a fascinatingly intelligent woman.

Thank you.

Oh, by the way, I do own a loincloth.

I had a hunch.

Set.

(cheering)

‐14‐14. ‐Time out!

Hey, Rose, why aren't you dressed to play?

Well, see, I kind of decided cheering is what I do best,

so I'll just be cheerleader.

All right.

Your pompoms, madame.

Oh, thank you.

It's wonderful knowing that

at any age, your life can have purpose.

Go team, go team, go, team, go!

Set. Yours, Brad.

‐(Brad groans) ‐Are you all right?

Oh, man, it's my ankle.

He's hurt, he's hurt, he's hurt, he's hurt!

She's nuts, she's nut, she's really, really nuts!

Easy, easy. Watch out.

Rose, how do you feel?

Not too bad. How about yourself?

No, I mean, do you think you're ready to play?

Hey, don't do this, man.

‐Chuy, look, Rose can‐‐ ‐Come on, don't!

‐Okay, you're in. ‐Okay.

He's in, he's in, he's in, he's in, he's in!

Got it.

Got it.

Excuse me!

That's out!

All right. Way to play, Chuy.

One more point, we're gonna win this thing. 14‐14.

Time out.

‐What are you doing? ‐I want to talk to you, man.

‐Why are you hogging the ball like that? ‐Come on, man.

One more point, we're gonna win this game!

I don't care.

Look, I don't want to tell you this, but when I was a kid,

I was the guy who never got chosen for teams.

‐You know why? ‐We're back to you stinking again, aren't we?

Yeah, we're back to me stinkin'.

I mean, the other kids used to call me Señor Stinky.

And they said I lived in Casa del Stinky

and my bike was Stinky's bike.

See what I'm getting at?

Yeah, kids can really beat a good joke to death.

I was humiliated, man.

And I never wanted to go through that pain again.

And I thought as an adult, well,

my friends would never put me through that pain.

But you're doing it to me, so just don't do it to me, okay?

All right, champ, let's go.

All right. All right. Come on.

Oh, they're keeping Stinky in the game.

Yours.

Yes, side out!

We stink, we stink, we stink, we‐‐ oh.

Player: Game point.

(slow motion): Easy one.

(slow motion): What?

Yes, that's game!

‐What are you doing, Chuy? ‐Well, you distracted me.

I distract‐‐ you're going to blame this on me?

You're unbelievable, man.

You really are Señor Stinky.

You're the worst, Chuy.

Oh, hey, Chuy.

Hey, wait up, my man. Hey, my main man!

My main, main, main, main, main man!

Chuy! Main!

Man!

You're never gonna talk to me again, are you?

All right, I understand. I just came over here to apologize.

Look, I thought about this all last night

and I was trying to rationalize by telling myself

that I always play to win, but I lost.

‐You don't have to remind me ‐I'm not talking about the game.

I'm going to get over the game... someday.

Evidently, I'm losing you.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

I will never humiliate you like that again.

Does this mean I get to play next year?

No.

Good, man, because that would really be humiliating.

Come on.

You see, setting up those computers wasn't all that hard.

You were right again, Blanche.

You know, your hands are as smooth and soft

as rich Corinthian...

Well, let's just say they're soft.

Listen, now that our business is concluded,

perhaps we can open a new chapter in our relationship.

Well, I suppose that could work as long as

we can keep our professional relationship separate...

From our personal relationship?

Yes, if we can do that, why not open a new chapter?

What do you say we start tonight?

‐I say great. ‐Your hotel or mine?

Mine. They know me at yours.

Ha! I win, I win, I win, win, win!

All right, good job, Chuy!

Now, let's try the next one without the blindfold, okay?

Chuy: No!