Original subtitles

♪ Ooh‐ooh‐ooh ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Travel down the road And back again ♪

♪ Your heart is true ♪

♪ You're a pal And a confidante ♪

♪ And if you threw A party ♪

♪ Invited everyone You knew ♪

♪ You would see ♪

♪ The biggest gift Would be from me ♪

♪ And the card attached Would say ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

On the last episode of The Golden Palace...

Blanche: Girls, Dorothy just called from the airport.

She's on her way.

‐Group hug, everybody. ‐(cheering)

Well, I think that ma's much too old to be working this hard

and I want her to come back to Atlanta with me.

What?

Oh uh, Rose, I want to thank you for yesterday.

You know, your the only one that didn't give me any grief about marrying Beverly.

Well, I just figured it's your life.

I mean, if you want to throw it away

marrying some cheap tart in a drunken stupor,

who am I to object?

"I can't choose between my own daughter

and two women I think of as daughters.

I'm sorry. I just can't."

Well, I don't understand. What does this mean?

It means Sophia has run away.

(telephone rings)

Um...

Front desk. Oh, you have no soap.

Oh, I'm so sorry about that. We're a little shorthanded right now.

One of our maids ran away, and, and two of our maids have gone to try to find her.

I'll get you some soap right up to you.

All right. Thank you, sir. That'll be 303.

(telephone rings)

Front desk.

Oh, I'm sorry, those towels are on their way.

(telephone rings)

Uh, front desk.

Uh, look, I don't have time for this right now.

You're gonna have to try me again later.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought this was an obscene phone call.

Oh, w‐what's wrong with your meat loaf?

(chuckles) Oh, well, fine.

I'll get another one up to you right away,

and call me later.

Roland, Mr. Marshall got a dry piece of meat loaf.

Yeah, I know, I know.

Chuy, what is the number one rule of hotel cooking?

If it doesn't look right, cover it with parsley.

No, there's another rule.

No amount of parsley can cover up dry meat loaf,

so you wanna explain that chia pet that you sent up to Mr. Marshall.

Okay, yeah, I made a mistake big deal man.

Name me one other time I made a mistake.

Chuy, you just got married to a complete stranger after having a single shot of tequila.

Name another one.

Come on you got to focus, Chuy.

That's the third order that's been sent back today.

Okay, well maybe I'm not so happy, you know,

but things are gonna be just fine, once we, you know uh, make love.

Uh‐oh.

Have we found another problem that can't be covered with parsley?

Hey! Hey! Hey!

‐Hey, it's her, man. ‐Oh.

She says just because we're married doesn't mean she has to act like a tramp.

(scoffs) I mean, I was upset at first,

but then I realized, hey I'm lucky.

I'm a lucky man. Lucky, lucky, lucky.

Chuy, Chuy, Chuy, listen to me.

You are married to a woman who you don't know

who won't sleep with you.

You are this close

to losing a job that you desperately need

to pay for a car you can't afford.

You are a spotted owl in the forest of life, Chuy.

God needed to laugh today, so he chose you.

Is this like, what they call tough love?

Man, get out of here.

Oh, Dorothy, any luck finding Sophia?

No, and I went to all her usual hangouts in the mall.

Did you try that geriatric shoe store she likes to hangs out at?

‐What's the name of it? ‐Oh, "Still Kicking"?

Haven't seen her since last week.

Oh well, did you try the police?

Yes, but they told me not to expect much

because her description fits half the women in Miami,

and a quarter of the men.

Oh, this is ridiculous. We're never gonna find her.

Now, don't you lose heart.

Rose hasn't checked in yet, and she's a good little detective.

Well, she's not at Kiddieland.

Rose, what would she be doing at Kiddieland?

Well, I usually go on the little boats.

So, did you win any prizes today?

A plastic monkey on‐‐

You're making fun of me, aren't you?

Oh girls, let's not be mean to each other. Now, that won't solve anything.

Well, there wouldn't be anything to solve

if you would let me take ma home, like I wanted to

Since when is this my fault?

Since you started forcing my mother to do hard labor.

I don't believe you said that.

Oh, if I weren't a lady, I'd deck you.

You try it, and I'll have you on your back so fast

you'll think you're out on a date.

Now, stop it. Stop it! This isn't going to bring Sophia back.

Now, we just have to think where she might go when she's depressed

Wait. Did you try the cemetery?

She's only been gone a few hours, Dorothy.

It takes longer than that just to dig a grave.

‐Is this today's paper? ‐Yes.

‐Have you read it? ‐Yeah.

Oh, Chuy, any news of Sophia?

Nothing yet.

Oh, don't put away that cheesecake.

This is an emergency.

I think I'll join you.

Dorothy's just gonna kill us.

Well, I don't care.

I'm just so mad at Dorothy for telling us

that we work Sophia too hard.

Why she's got a lot of nerve.

Yeah.

I still think Dorothy's full of beans,

and I'm not scared to say it right to her face.

Say what to my face?

I think you look good in jeans.

Blanche, you know what your problem is?

You're all talk and no action. Just like your sex life.

What are you saying? Are you saying I'm not a tramp?

Then why do you think they call me the female Ted Kennedy?

Because you look like him.

Now, if you'll excuse me. I have to go find my mother.

Oh, Dorothy, sit down. We're just running around in circles.

Have some cheesecake.

I don't want any damn cheesecake!

I want my mother,

or are you all too thick to understand that?

All right, Dorothy, that's enough!

Ever since Sophia ran away,

you've screamed and yelled, and

and in general acted like a monster to me and Blanche,

and I'm telling you right now to cut it out!

Or what?

Or this!

Ooooh!

You hit me.

I'm sorry, but you deserved it.

You hit me.

Why did you hit me?

Oh, I feel like hitting you, too.

You do?

Ever since you left, I've been mad at you.

You just deserted us, and that hurt. You broke up our family.

You left us out here all alone.

For seven years, we turned to you for everything,

and then one day, you're just gone.

Well, what about you?

I wasn't out of that house two months before you bought this hotel.

Did you ever once ask for my help? No!

You just went out and did it.

I‐‐ I thought you didn't need me anymore.

We didn't want to bother you.

Bother me? How could you bother me?

You're my two best friends.

We are?

You are.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry, too.

(sobbing)

(choke)

And, Rose, you hit me once more...

And you won't live long enough to hear me say "Ow."

Oh, God, I've missed you!

I'm looking for Chuy Castillos.

You're looking at him. What can I do for you?

‐You're Chuy Castillos? ‐(softly) Yeah.

You look like one of the Super Mario Brothers .

Usually I get Brando in Viva Zapata.

So, uh, what can I do for you?

‐You're the guy that Beverly choose over me? ‐Who are you?

I'm Ramone. She never told you about me?

I'm the man that went steady with her, went to the prom with her

and have been in love with her since we were both 14.

Oh, well, I'm the guy who just skipped all that

and married her after a shot of tequila.

Well, you're a lucky man. She's a wonderful, beautiful woman.

‐I'm here to congratulate you. ‐Hey, thanks.

And just to let you know

that if you ever do anything at all to hurt her, I'll kill you. I really will.

Look, she's coming right down. Why don't you talk to her, man?

No, I cannot interfere with her life. I don't want her to see me.

I don't know why she's chosen you, but she has. So,

once again, congratulations, kill.

(murmuring)

Aw, Chuy, did you just break it off with Beverly?

No, I didn't. Oh, Rose... Hold me, Rose.

Oh, there, there, baby.

When did Rose become the strong one?

I don't know.

I'm looking for the manager.

Huh! That purse. Where'd you get that purse?

Some old lady left it in the back of my cab this morning

Looks like ma's. Let's see.

Bingo cards, brass knuckles,

Pocket edition of 101 Jokes for the John.

Yes, this is ma's! Where did you take her?

Well, got the log sheet right here. Let me check, let's see.

Picked her up, Golden Palace, 7:05.

dropped her off at a place called Shady Pines.

Shady Pines?

I thought it burnt down.

Well, they must've rebuilt it,

but it certainly can't be as bad

as Sophia's always made it out to be,

Can it, Dorothy?

Well...

Coin‐operated walkers?

Totally untrue. No, my mother made that up.

Ice cream cups given only to the top 10 orange pickers of the day?

Not true. Anyone in the trees got ice cream.

I've got Shady Pines on the phone.

They have a phone now?

Yes, we're looking for someone who checked in this morning, uh, Sophia Petrillo?

Oh, she has, she has? Well, can we speak with her?

Oh, she's in the middle of her exercise period.

Oh, my God! That's code for picking up litter on the interstate.

Ma? It's me.

Honey, what are you doing? You sound out of breath.

Well, you know the rules here. If you don't work, you don't eat.

Ma, we're coming to get you.

Don't. I would rather spend the rest of my life in this hell hole

than have you people fight over me.

But, Ma‐‐

Look, I can't talk now.

One of the screws is giving me the fish eye.

Goodbye, Dorothy. Whatever you do, don't come pick me up.

Let me die in peace. Don't come pick me up.

Ma‐‐

Oh, he's coming this way. I got to go.

Oh, no. He saw me.

It's too late! It's too late!

Is it too late for my massage?

‐Not if you hurry. ‐Hot oil, right?

‐If you'd like. ‐Hot dog!

No, we have to hurry.

They probably have her cleaning shellfish.

They try to pass that off as arts and crafts.

Oh, my God! What have they done?

It's beautiful.

It's paradise.

It's a fake!

You know, they must all be out back sweating away what's left of their lives

in some devilish fluff and fold operation

Hello, and welcome to Shady Pines.

I'm Meredith. I'm here to help you.

What have you done with my mother, you... you Nazi?

Security.

Uh, the smart‐looking one.

You wanna lay down on that floor, hands behind your back, please, ma'am?

What kept you out of the regular police,

manners or motor skills?

Come on.

All right now you back off. You take your hands off her.

She's my friend.

When did you become so strong?

I don't know.

Wow, I haven't had a workout like that since‐‐

‐Dorothy: Ma. ‐Orange trees.

Since they had me in the orange trees.

This woman claims to be your daughter, Mrs. Petrillo can you verify that?

Oh, what happens to her if I don't?

We call the police and have her jailed for trespassing.

I'll tell you what let's do that for now.

Ma!

Okay, she's mine. She's mine.

Okay. Show's over. Go on home. Go on. Go on.

What are you doing here?

Ma, you had us worried sick!

I hit Dorothy.

Don't lie.

No, I really did.

Oh, you did not.

She did.

You shall lead us now.

Sophia, we have to talk.

You got five minutes, then I have tennis lesson.

Ma, this is ridiculous. You can't stay here.

I have to, this is where I lived before I moved in with you three.

If I stay here, you all might be mad at me, but you won't be not each other,

and I won't be responsible for ruining your friendship.

You are not going to ruin our friendship. Ma, it's that I love you.

And I want you to live with me.

We love you too and we want you to be happy.

And whatever you decide is okay.

You're doing it again you're forcing me to make

a choice I can't make.

Sophia Petrillo is just gonna have to take care of herself.

Oh? And how are you going to pay for all this.

With a little something I like to call... Your money.

Ma, forget it!

All right then.

Girls, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to take out all the money I put into the hotel.

Oh, the only thing you actually put into the hotel

was that candy dish in the lobby, honey.

Keep it.

Ah, Ma, look, Shady Pines might have a new coat of paint,

but they can't take care of you the way I can.

‐Sushi? ‐Thank you.

Look at that tush!

Okay! But I'm your flesh and blood.

Hello, Meredith.

Hello, Ma.

Okay, but you're all cooped up here

at least with me you'll have some fun.

PA: Attention, Shady Piners,

circus night is starting in five minutes on the big lawn.

The circus. Pussycat, couldn't this wait till later?

No it can't. You have to come back to the hotel with us

So we can talk about this.

That's right. We're obviously not gonna solve anything here.

‐That's fair. ‐Okay,

I'll go pay the bill.

Rose,

you think you could stand up to Dorothy one more time?

I'd be glad to, Sophia.

$1200!?

You're on your own.

‐So, uh, how's everything? ‐Hmm.

Actually, the meat loaf is a little dry.

Beverly, I want a divorce.

Boy, you can't take criticism, can you?

Beverly look, I'm sorry to blurt it out like that.

It's just that I've been doing a lot of thinking, and...

and Beverly, I don't think I love you.

But, an hour ago, you told me you wanted to make me the happiest girl in the world.

That's because your old boyfriend came by,

and said, if I did anything to hurt you he'll kill me and he meant it.

Ramone? Ramone came to see you?

(gasp) Oh, that means he loves me.

Ramone loves me! Oh, Chuy, I owe you an apology.

I did all of this to make Ramone jealous.

I'm sorry.

Hey, no problem. (chuckles)

I hope you and Ramone are happy together.

We're getting divorced, right?

Oh, we don't have to. We were never really married.

What do you mean?

Remember when you got drunk and we got that priest

at 2 o'clock in the morning?

Well, he wasn't a priest he was a men's room attendant.

I was wondering why he had that jar of combs on the alter.

I will never forget you, Chuy Castolanzos.

It's Castillos. Chuy Castillos.

My plane leaves in a half hour

I have two tickets, I need your decision.

‐But first I wanna tell you this joke. ‐Oh, Ma!

‐Please it's important to me. ‐Oh, all right.

‐Knock, knock! ‐Who's there?

‐I'ma. ‐I'ma who?

I'ma not going home with you.

I thought the rejection would be easier with a little humor mixed in.

But seriously, I'm not coming home with you.

I can't believe this.

Pussycat, this isn't about you, it's about me.

Don't you see, Dorothy?

I need to be at this hotel now, I need to be busy.

When I was at Shady Pines they waited on me hand and foot,

that made me feel old.

That's how I'll feel if I went home with you.

Oh, Ma, I don't wanna be selfish.

It's‐‐ it's just that I love you and I, I wanna be with you.

Those are the best words a mother can hear.

And I promise you when I'm ready to slow down I'll be there with you.

I love you, Pussycat.

I love you, Ma.

Dorothy, we just don't want you to leave like this.

No, wait, wait.

Ma and I have been talking,

and we both agree it's better if she stays here.

You really mean that? We don't want to lose your friendship.

No, no, no I really mean it.

I really didn't think you'd be able to run this hotel.

I thought that you, Blanche, would lose interest,

and you, Rose, would marry Miles, and then Ma would come home, but...

I forgot what special people you are,

and I apologize for not having enough faith in you and,

I just want you to know I'm very, very proud of all of you.

You don't know what it means to me to hear you say that.

Oh, me, too. me, too.

Listen, Rose and I

well, we have this little present for you.

We made it.

A life‐time pass to The Golden Palace.

(Rose chuckles)

Read the back.

"This card entitles Dorothy Zbornak Hollingsworth

to stay in any room in The Golden Palace

and eat cheesecake, tell dirty jokes,

and have at least two friends

who will listen to her cry, complain, and laugh,

for the rest of her life."

Thank you.

I got you something, too.

Uh, this... This candy dish.

It's engraved.

"To Ma, love Dorothy."

Damn!

Roland: Blanche, Blanche, we're getting backed up over here.

Oh, I'll be right there.

You come back and see us, you hear?

Oh, the flowers are here. I have to take care of those.

Sophia, come on we've got to go over the menu.

They're going to work me to death you know.

‐Ma? ‐Just a little guilt for the road.

Goodbye, Pussycat.

Goodbye, Ma.

(telephone rings)

Golden Palace.

Devereaux, I have an appointment for a hot oil massage

Hi, Rose Nylund, I'm here for the circus.