Original subtitles

♪ Ooh‐ooh‐ooh ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Travel down the road And back again ♪

♪ Your heart is true ♪

♪ You're a pal And a confidante ♪

♪ And if you threw A party ♪

♪ Invited everyone You knew ♪

♪ You would see ♪

♪ The biggest gift Would be from me ♪

♪ And the card attached Would say ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

Sophia, wet floor.

I can't do that on command. I have to be scared first.

Uh, Chuy, wet floor.

What, somebody scare Sophia?

Well, don't you look nice?

It's taken two years, but as of today,

I'll have lost 140 pounds of ugly fat.

You used to be heavy?

No. Married.

Yeah, today's the day that Chuy signs his final divorce papers.

Oh, I bet you have mixed feelings about that.

Are you kidding? I'm thrilled it's over.

Eight years.

Eight long, miserable years.

You know what's it like to live with

a foul‐mouthed, vicious shrew for eight years?

Move it or lose it, you Danish dork.

I guess you do.

Girls, Dorothy just called from the airport.

She's on her way.

Can you believe it?

Our little family's gonna be together again.

Isn't it wonderful?

Oh, I can't wait for her to see the hotel.

Oh, Sophia, you must be so excited.

Absolutely, I haven't seen my baby in four months.

I'm living for the moment when I can see her and kiss her and hold her in my arms.

I can hardly think of anything else.

She's not staying in my room, is she?

Sophia, the hotel's booked solid for the next two days.

Honey, I'd let her bunk with me,

but I have a big date tonight,

and you know how Dorothy suffers from motion sickness.

Oh, look, I'm as thrilled as anyone that Dorothy 's coming,

but please don't make me share a bed with her again.

You remember what happened the last time.

You mean when she mistook you for her pillow?

Do you know what it's like

being fluffed by Dorothy at 3:00 in the morning?

You know what's worse?

When she flips you over so she can sleep against the cold side.

(chuckles) Well, I just can't wait for her to get here.

She's gonna be so proud

when she sees what we've done with this hotel.

You know, Roland, she didn't think we'd be able to pull this off.

She thought we were too old and inexperienced

to run a hotel this big.

You know, this is just a stab in the dark, but

was Dorothy the smart one in your group?

Hey Chuy, did you sign those divorce papers?

All right. You're free, man.

‐How does it feel? ‐I don't know. You know,

when I left the courthouse, I was feeling great, man.

I was whistling, (chuckles)

I threw my hat up in the air just like Mary Tyler Moore ,

Have you started running down the street like That Girl,

I started belly dancing like I Dream of Jeannie.

And then it hit me.

You need some male role models?

No. It hit me that...

I really am alone. it's over and

Dolores is gone forever.

Oh, come on, Chuy, Dolores isn't the only woman out there for you.

How do you know? Maybe she is.

Maybe nobody will ever be interested in me.

Man, what you need is a date.

Look, this is what I want you to do.

The next woman you see,

I want you to walk up to her

and talk to her and just ask her out.

I don't know, man. I'm really rusty.

No, no, no, no. Trust me, man. Just be aggressive.

What's the worst thing she could do? Say "no"?

Now I mean it, Chuy. The next woman.

(softly) Okay. The next woman.

Walk up to her and say, "hey."

(clears throat) Oye, mamacita!

Do you move as good as you look?

Walk away now, and no one gets hurt.

You must be Dorothy.

I've heard a lot about you. I'm Chuy.

Oh, hello. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too. Welcome to the hotel.

Yes, ma'am. May I help you?

I certainly hope so.

‐I'm looking for the people‐‐ ‐Uh, excuse me.

I was just counting this fare.

I think you forgot to add a tip.

A tip? A tip.

Uh, let's review your performance, shall we?

Let's see. You backed over my luggage,

took the causeway during rush hour,

stopped the car twice to sell fruit out of your trunk.

A tip? Walk away now, and no one gets hurt.

You must be Dorothy.

So nice to meet you. I'm Roland Wilson.

Oh, how do you do? How do you do?

Boy, you are nothing at all like I pictured you.

Why? What do you mean?

Well, it's just that from everything

that Blanche and Sophia, and Rose told me about you,

I'd expected you to be, you know taller.

Oh, well, how much taller?

About five feet taller actually.

And stronger, you know. (chuckles)

and meaner. (chuckles)

Why don't I just come back when they're all sleeping?

Dorothy! Oh, I can't believe you're really here!

Oh, look at you!

You never looked more beautiful.

Oh, God, I missed you guys!

We've been looking forward to this for so long.

It's gonna be the best three days ever.

Look at us. The three musketeers together again.

Blanche: The four musketeers.

Oh, Sophia, look! Dorothy's here!

‐Ma. ‐Pussycat.

Ma, I'm over here.

Get the hell away from me.

Pussycat!

Oh, isn't this wonderful?

We're all back together again.

Group hug, everybody.

Oh!

Oh, oh, oh.

I've never really been as into this as they are.

I got to get back.

Oh, it is so wonderful to see you all again.

And the place is beautiful.

I can't wait to see my room.

Oh, Dorothy, you know, we're just booked solid.

I hope you don't mind doubling up with one of us.

Well of course not. I'll sleep with Rose.

You know, she has the fluffiest pillows.

You don't mind, do you, dear?

No. That's fine.

Well, great. Let's show you the rest of the hotel.

Oh, another group hug!

Wait a minute! No, no, no, no, no!

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, Rose. That guy at table four

asked again where his English muffins are.

You tell that ungrateful vermin at table four

if he doesn't shut up about his damn muffins,

I'll pour hot butter in his nooks and crannies.

Dorothy fluffed you again last night, didn't she?

And I'm not so sure she was asleep.

Oh, Roland, thank God you're here.

That dining room is packed

and Chuy hasn't shown up for work yet this morning.

Do you have any idea where he might be?

What, Chuy's still missing?

Oh, no. This is my fault.

This is all my fault that he's missing.

Why? What are you talking about?

Well, he was so depressed about his divorce

that I thought he needed to get out, you know, and have some fun so,

I took him to the Velvet Slipper last night.

God, why would I even take him to such a cheap, sleazy dive?

I knew that was you.

I knew that was you.

Okay, you guys.

I'm ready to go to the beach.

Oh, Dorothy. You know, actually, this isn't a great time.

Oh, Chuy didn't show up for work this morning

and we're swamped.

All right. I bussed the tables.

Ma, what are you doing?

This is way too heavy for you.

Please, I do it three times a day, every day. I'm used to it.

Besides, it's no heavier than you were when you were born.

Ma, this tub must weigh 30 pounds.

That's exactly what the doctor said when he delivered you.

Oh, Dorothy, this is not what we had planned for this weekend,

but would you mind if we ask you to give us a hand today?

Well, honey, of course not.

As a matter of fact, I have had a little experience with this.

‐Really? ‐Oh, sure. When I was a little girl,

I used to love to pretend

I was a waitress. You know.

Ma would play along with me.

Pretend to be my customer.

I'd serve her dinner, and she'd complain about the service,

‐and threaten not to tip. ‐(Sophia laughs)

We sure had fun.

But after a while, she had me playing waitress all the time.

You know, when she had a dinner party,

when her bridge club came over.

I mean, I enjoyed it 'cause I thought it was a game.

I mean, what reason did a five‐year‐old have

for not trusting her own mother?

Here we go again.

You used me!

It was our quality time.

Quality time? You referred to me as "the help."

It was a nickname.

On Thursdays, you lent me out to the neighbors.

So, you learned a trade.

Ingratitude, that's all I've gotten from any of my employees...

Kids. My kids.

All right, sir. Here you go.

Excuse me.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Uh, like what?

Aren't you going to say, "Have a nice day"?

No.

Look, in the 45 minutes that I served you,

you complained about the food,

the coffee, the service, and said that in my case,

a sprinkle a day wasn't quite doing the trick.

I don't care if you have a pulse, much less a nice day.

Then...

Then you owe me some pie.

‐What? ‐It says at the bottom of the menu,

"If any waitress after presenting the bill doesn't say, have a nice day,

she has to give the customer a piece of pie

for free."

You owe me some pie.

This is ridiculous.

What idiot would institute a policy like that?

Have a nice day.

How about this?

You tell me to have a nice day now,

and I'll skip the piece of pie.

(softly) Have a nice day.

I can't hear you.

(muffled) Have a nice day.

Now say it like you mean it.

I'll go get your pie.

Rose, do we have anything that gets out stains?

No, I don't think we do.

Why do you ask?

customer: Hey, this is my best suit!

I spilled something.

Here's the last box of tomatoes.

Oh, I'll tell Roland to put it on the order list.

Whew.

Ma, what's the matter? What's wrong?

Nothing. I'm just catching my breath.

Why, look, I've seen what's been going on around here.

Rose and Blanche are working you too hard.

Look at you, you're white as a sheet.

That's because I'm in‐between heartbeats.

Come back in 15 minutes. I'll look like the last of the Mohicans.

Lucas? It's me.

Oh, honey, I miss you, too.

No, no. Ma's okay.

Actually, she's not, honey. That's what I'm calling you about.

Yeah, remember what we talked about, you know, before I left?

Well, after seeing what's going on around here, I think...

I think the best thing for Ma is if she comes home to live with us.

Chuy, where have you been?

We've been worried sick.

Man, I called everywhere looking for you. You okay?

Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I was just busy. That's all.

Busy doing what?

Wait for me, sweetie.

Busy... getting married.

Chuy, please tell us that this is a joke.

No, it's no joke.

Uh, Roland, Rose, Blanche,

I'd like you to meet, uh...

Beverly...

my wife. (chuckles)

We met last night at the Velvet Slipper.

I was behind him in the rumba line.

He had the cutest butt I had ever seen.

Please. Is that any reason to marry a man?

Yeah, Blanche is right.

How could you be so shallow?

(gasps) What about the chest? What about the shoulders?

Look, Chuy, this is crazy, man.

You two don't know anything about one another.

That's not true.

Chuy and I spent a lot of time talking last night.

We told each other our life story.

Even though we just met. I know everything there is to know about him.

Chuy Castillos, where have you been?

Our last name is Castillos?

Hey, look, can we all talk about this later, okay?

Oh, you stay right there, sweetie.

I'll go get the bags.

You already have luggage with this woman.

Look, I just got married. Can't you guys be a little bit happy for me?

Oh, we're sorry, Chuy.

So, was it... was it a nice wedding?

I guess so. (chuckles)

I don't remember too much about it.

Just we used the tequila worm as a witness.

Look, that is it.

We're gonna tell Beverly that this has been one big mistake.

We're gonna find that worm, get that judge, and have this thing annulled.

‐Now come on, Chuy. ‐Wait, man.

What's all this "we" business huh?

This is my life and my decision.

And I say Beverly and I are gonna give this marriage a shot.

Come on. You just met her. You haven't even dated her.

You don't know anything about her.

Marriage is serious.

It's not something you just hop into, like a bed.

It's more like a hot tub.

You have to kind of ease your way into it.

Test the waters.

You don't just hop into it.

Like a bed.

Chuy, you're vulnerable right now.

Like, you're obviously on the rebound from Dolores.

Well, look, I know it's kind of sudden.

but who's to say we can't be happy together, huh?

I just do not believe this.

How could this have happened?

Okay, I admit it. I got a little drunk.

Drunk? You had one margarita.

God, I'd hate to see what happened if you had two.

Oh, Chuy, I'm crazy about the new car you bought me.

That's what happens.

Oh, good. You're all here.

We need to talk.

Well, I guess we need to talk.

You've been here a whole day

and the four of us haven't had one minute to sit down and gab.

‐No, actually I want to talk to you‐‐ ‐Oh, wait.

‐We're talking about sex, aren't we? ‐Duh.

Well, what do you say? Should I get out the cheesecake?

Everyone: Duh!

‐Gotcha! ‐I'll get the plates.

You know, I really have missed you guys.

Oh, Dorothy, and we have missed you, too.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, this is gonna be just like old times.

Okay, now, Dorothy,

I want you to tell us

everything about the honeymoon.

Don't you leave out a thing.

Well... We got to the airport late.

But Lucas managed to find a sky‐‐

Yeah, yeah. Who cares? How was the sex?

Look, I know, it's been a while,

but didn't we used to let these stories build a little‐‐

We were younger, we had more time. How was the sex?

Well, I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but, um...

Lucas and I did a little experimenting.

With what?

Sulfur dioxide, Rose.

With sex.

We experimented with sex.

And?

‐Well, I tell you, it was amazing. ‐Oh!

I mean, for the first time in my life,

I just shed all my inhibitions.

I... I took risks, I threw caution to the wind.

What did you do?

Well, for starters,

I left the lights on.

Ladies and gentlemen, Madonna!

Oh, when Charlie wanted to spice up our sex life, we went out to the barn.

We'd sneak in to the stall right next to the cows and

just go crazy on each other.

Rose, how could you do it with all those cows watching you?

How could you not?

Well, I know you girls think I'm aggressive,

but George was a wild man.

He was so impetuous.

I remember one night after dinner,

he took me right there on the dining room table.

Were you surprised?

Well, when you've been lying naked on the Lazy Susan,

you kind of expect a little action.

Dorothy, you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I tell you, there's something

that I really have to talk to you guys about and...

It's just a little difficult for me.

Well, for goodness sakes,

You never had any problem talking to us before.

What's wrong?

Well, first of all, let me tell you

that I know how difficult this business has been for you,

and I think you've just done a terrific job, but...

Well, it's an awful lot of work.

Yeah. So, what are you getting at?

Well, I think that Ma is much too old to be working this hard

and I want her to come back to Atlanta with me.

‐What? ‐But we need Sophia. We depend on her.

I think you depend on her too much.

But she enjoys the work,

and we make sure she doesn't overdo it.

Can I say something?

Look, I know that you've done your best, but,

Rose, if you really care about Ma,

you won't fight me on this.

Right, and you care so much

that this is the first time you've been to visit in four months.

Can I say something here?

Look, after the wedding, Lucas and I needed some time together.

And I thought about Ma every day.

Oh, well, I think about Nick Nolte every day.

That doesn't give me the right to kidnap him, does it?

Does it?

Look, I think I know what's best for Ma.

Well, we think you don't.

Can I say something here?

Boy, it just went out of my head.

‐Ma! ‐Wait. I remember.

If anyone is gonna decide where I'm gonna live, it's gonna be me. Got that?

Okay. Where do you want to live?

More importantly, whom do you want to live with?

Remember, Ma, one of us is your flesh and blood.

Yeah, but also remember,

that two of us didn't put you in a home.

Ball's in your court, pussycat.

‐Look, Ma, just make a decision. ‐And if I can't?

Then, we'll make it for you.

Uh...

I need some time. I'm going to my room.

I can't believe I'm being forced to choose between the three of you.

‐Hey, morning, Rose. ‐Oh, morning, Chuy.

Oh, Rose. I want to thank you for yesterday.

You know, you're the only one that didn't give me any grief about marrying Beverly.

Well, I just figure it's your life.

I mean, if you want to throw it away marrying some cheap tart in a drunken stupor,

who am I to object?

You're a good friend.

Has she come down yet?

‐Who? ‐Amelia Earhart, Rose.

‐Ma. Has Ma come down to tell us her decision? ‐No, not yet.

Well, then I'm afraid I'm gonna have to make the decision for her.

She's coming home with me.

‐Dorothy... ‐Look, I'm sorry.

I only want what's best for Ma.

We all want what's best for her.

All right, Dorothy. I hope you're satisfied.

Look, don't start again.

I've made my decision about Ma.

Oh, really? Well I just went up to her room, and...

Her suitcase is gone and this was on her dresser.

Well, what does it say?

"I can't choose between my own daughter

and two women I think of as daughters.

I'm sorry. I just can't."

Well, I don't understand. What does this mean?

It means Sophia has run away.