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1
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Yeah!
2
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Thank you, Brooklyn!
3
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We just want to let you guys know
4
00:00:11,282 --> 00:00:13,434
we're playing the Hudson
Valley Brew Grass Festival
5
00:00:13,459 --> 00:00:14,913
this weekend in Cooperstown...
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48 hours of nothing but craft
beer and bluegrass music.
7
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So come on down. We'd love
to have you, all right?
8
00:00:21,871 --> 00:00:23,486
Yay!
9
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Sounds like torture.
10
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No, I'm excited.
11
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- You're gonna go?
- Of course I am.
12
00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:30,918
I've put Josh through so
much, and he's been amazing.
13
00:00:30,943 --> 00:00:32,119
He comes to all my work stuff.
14
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I really need to show up for him.
15
00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:35,334
Plus, it's a really big deal for the band.
16
00:00:35,359 --> 00:00:36,598
Well, that's great, Liza.
17
00:00:36,623 --> 00:00:38,063
I have three words of advice:
18
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extra toilet paper.
19
00:00:39,816 --> 00:00:42,100
Oh, my God, Iris.
20
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:43,018
Who's Iris?
21
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,780
Oh, a girl I dated for 11 weeks.
22
00:00:44,805 --> 00:00:46,351
Wow, almost a full trimester.
23
00:00:46,376 --> 00:00:47,888
- Come say hi.
- Do I have to?
24
00:00:47,913 --> 00:00:49,187
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
25
00:00:49,212 --> 00:00:50,565
You must come.
26
00:00:53,311 --> 00:00:54,733
Hey!
27
00:00:54,758 --> 00:00:55,893
Great set, dude.
28
00:00:57,037 --> 00:00:59,733
Are you sure that you can't
just, uh, blow off work
29
00:00:59,758 --> 00:01:01,790
and drive up with me and the boys tonight?
30
00:01:01,815 --> 00:01:03,301
Oh, I wish I could, but I promise
31
00:01:03,326 --> 00:01:05,341
I'll leave straight from
the office tomorrow.
32
00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:06,790
- I promise.
- Okay.
33
00:01:06,814 --> 00:01:08,530
Okay, okay, okay, I believe you.
34
00:01:08,555 --> 00:01:10,377
Yeah, dudes!
35
00:01:10,402 --> 00:01:13,795
This weekend is going to be epic, man.
36
00:01:13,820 --> 00:01:14,784
I'm going full "Deliverance."
37
00:01:14,809 --> 00:01:18,048
I'm not bringing a tent,
toothpaste, or toilet paper.
38
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Just me, the music, and the sky.
39
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You know how that movie ends, right?
40
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What movie?
41
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- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
42
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_
43
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So cute.
44
00:01:38,562 --> 00:01:39,640
_
45
00:01:42,986 --> 00:01:45,195
It is a big deal, Charles.
46
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Being featured in "By the Book"
47
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solidifies your place among
the literary intelligentsia.
48
00:01:49,595 --> 00:01:50,939
You're gonna be in "By the Book"?
49
00:01:50,964 --> 00:01:51,562
In "The Times"?
50
00:01:51,587 --> 00:01:53,539
No, Liza, in "Cat Fancy."
51
00:01:53,564 --> 00:01:54,922
Yes, it's "The Times."
52
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That's the first section
I read every Sunday.
53
00:01:57,060 --> 00:01:59,115
Well, I can use all the help I can get.
54
00:01:59,140 --> 00:02:00,240
Deadline's Monday morning.
55
00:02:00,265 --> 00:02:01,243
Well, you know the basics.
56
00:02:01,267 --> 00:02:02,516
What's on your nightstand?
57
00:02:02,541 --> 00:02:03,903
How did you fall in love with literature?
58
00:02:03,928 --> 00:02:05,178
Which artist is most underrated?
59
00:02:05,203 --> 00:02:06,437
That's my favorite question.
60
00:02:06,462 --> 00:02:08,854
Just be sure to include one of our books.
61
00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,967
You know, maybe "The Male Feminist."
62
00:02:10,992 --> 00:02:13,624
You want to come across as
intelligent but not pretentious.
63
00:02:13,649 --> 00:02:15,282
That's our brand.
64
00:02:15,296 --> 00:02:16,976
It's funny; books are such
a big part of my work life.
65
00:02:17,001 --> 00:02:19,330
I can't remember which ones
are a big part of my life life.
66
00:02:19,355 --> 00:02:20,633
Well, you could start with the classics...
67
00:02:20,658 --> 00:02:22,898
You know, Tolstoy, Pynchon, Hume.
68
00:02:23,109 --> 00:02:25,031
Agatha Christie or Dashiell
Hammett might be cute.
69
00:02:25,056 --> 00:02:26,639
What about "Infinite Jest"?
70
00:02:26,664 --> 00:02:28,614
Uh... oh.
71
00:02:28,713 --> 00:02:29,843
Yes, Liza?
72
00:02:29,868 --> 00:02:31,474
Well, someone just said "Infinite Jest."
73
00:02:31,499 --> 00:02:34,321
Oh, was it Colson Whitehead or Tina Fey?
74
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Either way, I'd steer clear.
75
00:02:36,079 --> 00:02:37,111
Okay.
76
00:02:37,136 --> 00:02:38,077
Thank you, Liza.
77
00:02:38,102 --> 00:02:39,518
And I know it doesn't sound edgy,
78
00:02:39,543 --> 00:02:41,934
but I'd throw in some
unexpected nonfiction.
79
00:02:41,959 --> 00:02:43,570
Maybe Doris Kearns Goodwin or...
80
00:02:43,595 --> 00:02:45,320
Ooh, Rick James' memoir.
81
00:02:45,345 --> 00:02:47,345
There's a quirky curveball.
82
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I've had a lot of time
83
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to come up with my own answers.
84
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You know, in case anyone ever asks.
85
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Three, two, one.
86
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Well, no one asking.
87
00:02:56,797 --> 00:02:58,680
I have a meeting with Hugh Shirley.
88
00:02:58,764 --> 00:03:01,000
I guess I'll know he's here
when my assistant tells me.
89
00:03:01,025 --> 00:03:02,352
That's me.
90
00:03:07,609 --> 00:03:10,976
Oh, Diana, you look hot.
91
00:03:11,001 --> 00:03:12,123
You have a date tonight?
92
00:03:12,148 --> 00:03:14,201
Oh, just a meeting with Hugh Shirley.
93
00:03:14,226 --> 00:03:15,695
Oh, I should probably be in on that.
94
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:17,103
Oh, no, no, that's not necessary.
95
00:03:17,128 --> 00:03:19,161
It's just market... Strictly marketing.
96
00:03:19,231 --> 00:03:20,444
Oh.
97
00:03:20,469 --> 00:03:23,554
I see. I got ya.
98
00:03:23,579 --> 00:03:24,911
Well, I'm here if you need me.
99
00:03:24,936 --> 00:03:26,152
Thank you.
100
00:03:26,177 --> 00:03:27,609
I won't.
101
00:03:35,167 --> 00:03:36,780
That's better.
102
00:03:50,095 --> 00:03:51,200
That's better.
103
00:03:51,225 --> 00:03:53,175
Are we looking at any
Mid-Atlantic coverage,
104
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:54,199
or is it just the Northeast?
105
00:03:54,224 --> 00:03:55,446
Well, we'll start in New York City,
106
00:03:55,471 --> 00:03:56,702
Bluestockings downtown.
107
00:03:56,727 --> 00:03:57,804
It's pretty much home base
108
00:03:57,829 --> 00:03:59,999
for lesbians, social
workers... Same thing.
109
00:04:00,024 --> 00:04:03,490
And then we'll hit Park
Slope, Northampton, Ptown.
110
00:04:03,515 --> 00:04:05,234
How about Midwestern college towns?
111
00:04:05,259 --> 00:04:07,911
A huge portion of my audience
are transgender academics.
112
00:04:07,936 --> 00:04:10,600
Absolutely... Ann Arbor,
Madison, St. Paul.
113
00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,270
And there is a huge market for this book
114
00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:13,603
in Seattle and Portland...
115
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,390
Actually, anywhere in
the Pacific Northwest
116
00:04:15,415 --> 00:04:16,737
within ten miles of a vegan market.
117
00:04:16,762 --> 00:04:19,064
Great. I'd like to wake
up some straight men too.
118
00:04:19,089 --> 00:04:20,404
Maybe we could do surprise drop-ins
119
00:04:20,429 --> 00:04:22,988
at a VFW hall or strip
club here and there.
120
00:04:27,848 --> 00:04:29,097
- Diana?
- Huh?
121
00:04:29,122 --> 00:04:31,061
- Are you okay?
- Yup, absolutely.
122
00:04:31,086 --> 00:04:33,151
You were saying strip... strip clubs.
123
00:04:33,176 --> 00:04:35,927
I'm sorry. You need to know something.
124
00:04:35,952 --> 00:04:38,653
No, no, you deserve to know something.
125
00:04:40,035 --> 00:04:43,703
I am objectifying you right now...
126
00:04:44,304 --> 00:04:47,556
erotically, and I'm so sorry.
127
00:04:49,446 --> 00:04:51,551
Thank you for telling me that.
128
00:04:53,545 --> 00:04:55,703
Okay, now let's continue.
129
00:04:55,728 --> 00:04:57,102
Yes, uh, please do.
130
00:04:57,127 --> 00:04:58,880
Have lunch with me tomorrow.
131
00:04:58,905 --> 00:05:00,926
I swear I'll make you pay for half.
132
00:05:00,951 --> 00:05:03,915
I... I think I can, uh, be free.
133
00:05:03,940 --> 00:05:05,232
So it's a date.
134
00:05:06,493 --> 00:05:09,744
Right? It... it's a date?
135
00:05:09,769 --> 00:05:12,504
- Yes.
- Yes, yes, a date.
136
00:05:16,648 --> 00:05:17,730
Josh, hello?
137
00:05:17,755 --> 00:05:19,489
Hey... oh, hey, hey.
138
00:05:19,514 --> 00:05:21,073
Sorry, the signal just keeps cutting out.
139
00:05:21,098 --> 00:05:22,209
Which tent are you in?
140
00:05:22,234 --> 00:05:25,147
Which tent are you in?
141
00:05:25,554 --> 00:05:27,604
What do you mean, drop a pin?
142
00:05:27,629 --> 00:05:28,883
Like, on the ground?
143
00:05:29,141 --> 00:05:30,413
Josh?
144
00:05:30,438 --> 00:05:31,792
Josh? Hello?
145
00:05:31,817 --> 00:05:33,211
Hello, can you hear me?
146
00:05:33,670 --> 00:05:35,370
Ugh.
147
00:05:38,194 --> 00:05:40,663
Hey, I'm by the... Uh, the Bratwurst tent.
148
00:05:42,453 --> 00:05:44,578
I like mine with sauerkraut and onions.
149
00:05:44,603 --> 00:05:45,945
What?
150
00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:48,048
I'm kidding. It's... it's Charles.
151
00:05:48,074 --> 00:05:49,914
I'm so sorry to interrupt your weekend.
152
00:05:49,939 --> 00:05:53,131
I just had a quick question
about this "By the Book" thing.
153
00:05:53,156 --> 00:05:55,327
Oh, uh, yeah. No problem.
154
00:05:55,352 --> 00:05:57,137
Uh, what question do you need help with?
155
00:05:57,162 --> 00:05:59,259
"What was your favorite book as a child?"
156
00:05:59,284 --> 00:06:01,954
Uh, I don't want to lie.
157
00:06:01,979 --> 00:06:03,312
Why would you lie?
158
00:06:03,337 --> 00:06:05,178
I was never much of a reader,
159
00:06:05,203 --> 00:06:07,537
but I loved baseball,
so I just told everybody
160
00:06:07,562 --> 00:06:10,054
that my baseball coach said
reading would ruin my eyesight
161
00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:11,996
and I'd never hit a curveball again.
162
00:06:12,016 --> 00:06:14,046
I would have guessed you were a bookworm.
163
00:06:14,071 --> 00:06:16,159
Yeah, when... when your father
owns a publishing house,
164
00:06:16,184 --> 00:06:17,289
most people think that.
165
00:06:17,315 --> 00:06:20,272
Um, I... I did read comic
books at the dinner table,
166
00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:21,204
which he hated.
167
00:06:21,229 --> 00:06:24,476
So not reading was your form of rebellion.
168
00:06:24,501 --> 00:06:25,989
Yeah, until I was 12,
169
00:06:26,014 --> 00:06:27,187
and then I found more creative ways
170
00:06:27,212 --> 00:06:28,105
to torture my parents.
171
00:06:28,130 --> 00:06:30,372
Well, if you're going to lie,
172
00:06:30,397 --> 00:06:32,078
which I'm not suggesting, because...
173
00:06:32,103 --> 00:06:33,081
Because lying is bad.
174
00:06:33,106 --> 00:06:37,034
Uh, yes but, in certain cases, acceptable.
175
00:06:37,417 --> 00:06:39,804
Even necessary. Go on.
176
00:06:39,829 --> 00:06:41,725
I would go with "To Kill A Mockingbird."
177
00:06:41,750 --> 00:06:42,947
Excellent idea.
178
00:06:42,972 --> 00:06:44,616
I don't think that the
Hulk is going to cut it.
179
00:06:44,641 --> 00:06:45,664
Boo!
180
00:06:45,689 --> 00:06:47,665
- Oh, my God.
- What? Are you okay?
181
00:06:47,690 --> 00:06:48,843
- Liza?
- Yeah.
182
00:06:48,868 --> 00:06:50,313
It was just my boyfriend
playing a joke on me.
183
00:06:50,338 --> 00:06:51,671
Oh, I'll let you go.
184
00:06:51,696 --> 00:06:53,701
Thank you so much for your help.
185
00:06:53,726 --> 00:06:56,100
It was my pleasure.
I'll see you on Monday.
186
00:06:56,125 --> 00:06:58,044
Yeah. I'll see you Monday.
187
00:06:58,069 --> 00:06:59,347
Sorry.
188
00:06:59,535 --> 00:07:01,215
- Mm.
- Sorry I was working.
189
00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:02,680
I'm just so excited to see you.
190
00:07:02,705 --> 00:07:03,943
I can't believe you're actually here.
191
00:07:03,968 --> 00:07:05,598
Of course I am. I wouldn't miss it.
192
00:07:05,623 --> 00:07:06,685
You guys didn't play yet, did you?
193
00:07:06,710 --> 00:07:08,765
No, no, no, tomorrow, 2:00 p.m.
194
00:07:08,789 --> 00:07:09,506
Be there.
195
00:07:09,531 --> 00:07:10,312
Front row, center.
196
00:07:10,337 --> 00:07:11,465
Number one fan!
197
00:07:11,491 --> 00:07:12,941
Number one groupie!
198
00:07:15,515 --> 00:07:16,931
This is it.
199
00:07:16,956 --> 00:07:18,944
I pitched it myself.
200
00:07:22,373 --> 00:07:24,623
Welcome.
201
00:07:24,648 --> 00:07:26,184
Wow.
202
00:07:26,210 --> 00:07:27,810
Okay. Um...
203
00:07:27,835 --> 00:07:30,427
Should we blow up the air mattress?
204
00:07:30,452 --> 00:07:32,070
There is a hole in it.
205
00:07:32,095 --> 00:07:34,421
No worries, though, because...
206
00:07:34,446 --> 00:07:36,687
the ground is soft.
207
00:07:37,647 --> 00:07:39,422
Soft ground usually means...
208
00:07:39,448 --> 00:07:41,118
Yeah, it's wet.
209
00:07:41,143 --> 00:07:42,676
But we're roughing it.
210
00:07:42,701 --> 00:07:44,225
Yeah, we are.
211
00:07:44,499 --> 00:07:46,935
You're such a trouper. You know that?
212
00:07:47,854 --> 00:07:51,004
That is one of the things
I love most about you.
213
00:07:51,029 --> 00:07:53,208
That's me. I'm a trouper.
214
00:07:58,032 --> 00:07:59,406
- Guys?
- Whoa!
215
00:07:59,431 --> 00:08:00,558
I can't do this.
216
00:08:00,583 --> 00:08:02,583
Please, I'm not made for roughing it.
217
00:08:02,608 --> 00:08:04,094
All right, I don't know
how to start a fire.
218
00:08:04,119 --> 00:08:05,401
I'm covered in bug bites.
219
00:08:05,426 --> 00:08:07,094
And a raccoon ate all my Clif Bars.
220
00:08:07,119 --> 00:08:08,542
I'm gonna die out there.
221
00:08:08,567 --> 00:08:10,067
What happened to going full "Deliverance"?
222
00:08:10,092 --> 00:08:12,011
Yeah, that was until I got this bite.
223
00:08:12,036 --> 00:08:12,866
Oh, my God.
224
00:08:12,891 --> 00:08:13,838
Look at the size of that thing.
225
00:08:13,863 --> 00:08:15,321
It's like it's laying eggs under my skin.
226
00:08:15,346 --> 00:08:17,328
Don't make me go back out there.
227
00:08:18,834 --> 00:08:21,597
Ugh. I brought some calamine lotion.
228
00:08:21,622 --> 00:08:22,854
Oh, Liza.
229
00:08:23,141 --> 00:08:24,557
You're the best.
230
00:08:24,582 --> 00:08:26,669
Times like this, I'm glad you're old.
231
00:08:26,694 --> 00:08:28,846
- Oh!
- "Er," older and wiser.
232
00:08:28,871 --> 00:08:30,570
Look, you guys can still get freaky.
233
00:08:30,594 --> 00:08:32,565
Don't mind me, all right?
I won't make it weird.
234
00:08:32,590 --> 00:08:35,709
Look at these bad boys. Instant privacy.
235
00:08:41,151 --> 00:08:42,523
- Good morning.
- Hey.
236
00:08:42,548 --> 00:08:43,796
Good morning.
237
00:08:43,821 --> 00:08:45,583
Just what I needed.
238
00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,791
Thank you. Mmhmm.
239
00:08:48,979 --> 00:08:51,263
Wow. It's cold.
240
00:08:51,288 --> 00:08:53,678
And also not coffee.
241
00:08:53,703 --> 00:08:55,004
I couldn't find any coffee.
242
00:08:55,029 --> 00:08:56,389
It's coffee stout.
243
00:08:56,414 --> 00:08:58,108
Great, morning beer.
244
00:08:58,133 --> 00:09:00,380
You're at Brew Grass Festival, Liza.
245
00:09:00,405 --> 00:09:01,704
That's how we roll.
246
00:09:01,729 --> 00:09:02,832
We're gonna have so much fun today.
247
00:09:02,857 --> 00:09:05,519
We are going to check
out the clogging circle.
248
00:09:05,544 --> 00:09:07,095
We're going to hit up the whittling tent.
249
00:09:07,119 --> 00:09:09,252
There's the cornhole tournament.
250
00:09:09,277 --> 00:09:10,738
I'm just gonna hope
that's something different
251
00:09:10,763 --> 00:09:11,832
from what I'm imagining.
252
00:09:11,857 --> 00:09:13,156
Well...
253
00:09:13,181 --> 00:09:14,459
Where do I go pee?
254
00:09:14,484 --> 00:09:15,960
Porta-Potty that way.
255
00:09:15,985 --> 00:09:18,610
Okay.
256
00:09:18,636 --> 00:09:20,319
Good luck.
257
00:09:20,344 --> 00:09:22,391
- I'm a trouper!
- Yes, you are!
258
00:09:26,951 --> 00:09:29,280
_
259
00:09:29,305 --> 00:09:34,654
_
260
00:09:34,679 --> 00:09:36,758
Ooh, this one is full. Ooh.
261
00:09:36,783 --> 00:09:39,267
Trust me; you're gonna
want to go in the woods.
262
00:09:45,778 --> 00:09:48,362
Oh, God.
263
00:09:49,454 --> 00:09:50,703
Hi, Charles.
264
00:09:50,728 --> 00:09:52,905
You're really putting
me out on a limb here.
265
00:09:52,930 --> 00:09:56,819
Well, it'll be a "By the Book" first.
266
00:09:56,844 --> 00:10:00,345
Plus, the Hulk is cool!
267
00:10:00,370 --> 00:10:02,662
Although Robert Louis
Stevenson did it first
268
00:10:02,687 --> 00:10:04,219
with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
269
00:10:04,244 --> 00:10:07,445
So now I'm wondering about my answer to
270
00:10:07,470 --> 00:10:09,161
what book changed my life.
271
00:10:09,186 --> 00:10:12,020
And I should probably say "Freedom,"
272
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:14,241
but then I would have to explain why.
273
00:10:14,642 --> 00:10:16,808
That's a great book.
How did it affect you?
274
00:10:16,833 --> 00:10:20,118
It was the last book my wife read
275
00:10:20,143 --> 00:10:21,415
before she left me.
276
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,407
Oh, no. No, no, no, that's awful.
277
00:10:23,432 --> 00:10:25,885
Yeah, I... I still
can't quite bring myself
278
00:10:25,910 --> 00:10:27,336
to shake Jonathan Franzen's hand.
279
00:10:27,361 --> 00:10:28,929
And, I mean, look, I'm sure
280
00:10:28,954 --> 00:10:32,372
I may have had something to
do with her walking out...
281
00:10:32,397 --> 00:10:35,978
Okay, well, there are
two sides to every story.
282
00:10:36,413 --> 00:10:39,657
But she walked out on her daughters too,
283
00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:41,010
and that's...
284
00:10:41,035 --> 00:10:42,578
intense.
285
00:10:42,603 --> 00:10:44,842
Yeah, well, Pauline
was definitely intense.
286
00:10:45,490 --> 00:10:48,850
Uh, always looking to find
her place in the world,
287
00:10:48,875 --> 00:10:52,425
and "Freedom" inspired
her to... to find hers.
288
00:10:52,450 --> 00:10:54,105
In L.A., apparently.
289
00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:56,513
Hey, what are you doing out here?
290
00:10:56,538 --> 00:10:58,237
The whittling tent just opened.
291
00:10:58,262 --> 00:11:00,503
Let's go rip a huge bong hit
292
00:11:00,528 --> 00:11:02,172
and go whittle, huh?
293
00:11:02,197 --> 00:11:03,566
Come on.
294
00:11:03,906 --> 00:11:07,380
Relationships are complex.
295
00:11:10,289 --> 00:11:12,604
Do you think that we could
get "The Male Feminist"
296
00:11:12,629 --> 00:11:13,988
into elementary schools?
297
00:11:14,014 --> 00:11:16,019
Well, I could talk to my friend
298
00:11:16,044 --> 00:11:17,389
at the Department of Ed.
299
00:11:17,414 --> 00:11:20,269
It's certainly a book every
third grader should read.
300
00:11:20,294 --> 00:11:22,013
Yeah, that would be great.
301
00:11:23,347 --> 00:11:24,701
- You know, Diana...
- Yeah.
302
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:27,451
You channel this masculine energy,
303
00:11:27,476 --> 00:11:28,559
which normally I'd hate,
304
00:11:28,584 --> 00:11:31,384
but yours is stoic and brave,
305
00:11:31,409 --> 00:11:33,259
yet deeply vulnerable.
306
00:11:33,284 --> 00:11:36,381
A barely feminine mystique, if you will.
307
00:11:36,406 --> 00:11:38,374
You know, my grandmother
always said I reminded her
308
00:11:38,399 --> 00:11:39,773
of an Indian chief.
309
00:11:39,798 --> 00:11:41,247
Oh!
310
00:11:42,245 --> 00:11:45,013
She was a violent racist, but
I took it as a compliment.
311
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,046
That racist was on to something.
312
00:11:47,071 --> 00:11:49,423
Yeah, she saw you.
313
00:11:49,448 --> 00:11:50,998
And I see you.
314
00:11:51,023 --> 00:11:54,171
Do you see you?
315
00:11:54,196 --> 00:11:56,307
Oh, I see me.
316
00:11:59,321 --> 00:12:00,854
I would like to see you...
317
00:12:00,879 --> 00:12:02,962
With your full permission and consent...
318
00:12:02,987 --> 00:12:07,034
Naked, raw, and hungry.
319
00:12:07,058 --> 00:12:09,098
You want to suck on my peen pipe?
320
00:12:09,124 --> 00:12:12,186
It's funny, 'cause it's
shaped like a penis.
321
00:12:12,386 --> 00:12:14,520
I like how the balls are the bowl.
322
00:12:15,380 --> 00:12:16,915
That's hilarious.
323
00:12:16,940 --> 00:12:17,915
Oh, we got to go.
324
00:12:17,940 --> 00:12:19,118
We're gonna miss the clogging circle.
325
00:12:19,142 --> 00:12:20,269
Wait, can we come?
326
00:12:20,295 --> 00:12:21,821
Oh, my God, I really want to clog.
327
00:12:21,846 --> 00:12:24,110
Uh, yeah, sure.
328
00:12:24,135 --> 00:12:25,756
Oh, uh, you guys think
329
00:12:25,781 --> 00:12:27,070
you might want to put on a shirt?
330
00:12:27,095 --> 00:12:30,278
Or a blouse or maybe even a sheath, maybe?
331
00:12:30,303 --> 00:12:31,720
You know, there's gonna
be a lot of bouncing.
332
00:12:31,745 --> 00:12:33,278
I wouldn't want you to hurt yourselves
333
00:12:33,303 --> 00:12:34,408
or anybody else.
334
00:12:34,433 --> 00:12:36,453
Huh. That's hilarious.
335
00:12:37,188 --> 00:12:38,270
Come on! Let's go clogging!
336
00:12:38,295 --> 00:12:39,208
Come on, girl.
337
00:12:39,233 --> 00:12:40,384
- Okay.
- Let's go.
338
00:12:40,410 --> 00:12:41,425
Okay.
339
00:12:41,449 --> 00:12:42,531
Is this okay?
340
00:12:42,556 --> 00:12:43,249
Yeah.
341
00:12:43,274 --> 00:12:44,922
Is this okay?
342
00:12:44,947 --> 00:12:46,030
Yes.
343
00:12:46,055 --> 00:12:46,937
How about this?
344
00:12:46,962 --> 00:12:48,483
It's all okay, Hugh. Just put it in.
345
00:12:48,508 --> 00:12:49,468
Actually, you know what?
346
00:12:49,493 --> 00:12:51,212
This is feeling too phallo-centric.
347
00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:52,500
I feel like I'm dominating you.
348
00:12:52,526 --> 00:12:54,758
- I want you on top of me.
- Okay, let's do that.
349
00:12:54,783 --> 00:12:56,066
- Okay.
- Okay.
350
00:12:56,091 --> 00:12:57,724
Ah, that's... I think that's better.
351
00:12:57,749 --> 00:12:59,211
- Good for you?
- Yes, it's good for me.
352
00:12:59,236 --> 00:13:00,179
Yes. Wait.
353
00:13:00,204 --> 00:13:01,953
Do you feel like you have
enough agency in this power...
354
00:13:03,413 --> 00:13:04,736
No more talking.
355
00:13:04,761 --> 00:13:05,189
Okay.
356
00:13:05,214 --> 00:13:06,380
- Yes.
- Yes?
357
00:13:06,405 --> 00:13:08,693
Yes! Okay, this is more like it.
358
00:13:08,718 --> 00:13:10,606
Okay, this is what we're talking about.
359
00:13:10,631 --> 00:13:13,164
Yes, this is it. Yes! Yes!
360
00:13:13,189 --> 00:13:15,684
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
361
00:13:18,738 --> 00:13:20,792
Oh, my God, what just happened to you?
362
00:13:20,817 --> 00:13:22,844
I don't know, but it's bad.
363
00:13:24,182 --> 00:13:25,431
I'm gonna get my phone.
364
00:13:25,456 --> 00:13:26,453
- Just gonna get my phone.
- Ah!
365
00:13:26,478 --> 00:13:27,617
- No? Okay, I won't.
- Ah!
366
00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,260
I don't mean to complain, but my feet
367
00:13:29,285 --> 00:13:31,717
have never been stomped on
so many times in one day.
368
00:13:31,742 --> 00:13:33,729
I mean, at least the rain chilled out.
369
00:13:33,754 --> 00:13:35,463
Are they just with us
370
00:13:35,488 --> 00:13:37,605
the entire weekend from now on?
371
00:13:37,757 --> 00:13:38,889
Unknown.
372
00:13:38,914 --> 00:13:40,671
What I do know is that it's time for you
373
00:13:40,696 --> 00:13:41,495
to lose to the top.
374
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,520
Not enough moonshine
in the world for that.
375
00:13:44,641 --> 00:13:46,207
That's my cue. Wish me luck.
376
00:13:46,232 --> 00:13:47,159
Mwah! Good luck.
377
00:13:48,447 --> 00:13:50,664
Hey, excuse me. Will you spray us, please?
378
00:13:50,689 --> 00:13:51,805
Oh, me too.
379
00:13:58,362 --> 00:14:00,078
Thank you.
380
00:14:02,340 --> 00:14:04,380
_
381
00:14:07,082 --> 00:14:08,389
_
382
00:14:15,390 --> 00:14:18,818
_
383
00:14:20,596 --> 00:14:22,761
_
384
00:14:23,502 --> 00:14:27,276
_
385
00:14:29,770 --> 00:14:31,078
_
386
00:14:36,669 --> 00:14:38,478
_
387
00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:39,814
_
388
00:14:43,540 --> 00:14:45,369
_
389
00:14:46,087 --> 00:14:48,768
_
390
00:14:49,607 --> 00:14:52,893
_
391
00:14:55,343 --> 00:14:56,229
Howdy, folks!
392
00:14:56,254 --> 00:14:57,939
We're the Bedford Avenue Country Boys.
393
00:14:57,964 --> 00:14:59,287
Y'all want to hear some bluegrass?
394
00:15:02,329 --> 00:15:05,664
_
395
00:15:05,689 --> 00:15:07,275
Oh.
396
00:15:08,072 --> 00:15:11,118
_
397
00:15:11,143 --> 00:15:13,569
Aw.
398
00:15:13,594 --> 00:15:15,061
Oh.
399
00:15:15,086 --> 00:15:16,335
Uh...
400
00:15:23,898 --> 00:15:25,685
Oh, uh, I need that charger.
401
00:15:25,710 --> 00:15:27,202
I was here first.
402
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:28,700
Sorry, not sorry.
403
00:15:29,611 --> 00:15:30,684
Ow!
404
00:15:30,709 --> 00:15:32,986
Rude!
405
00:15:34,203 --> 00:15:36,492
Come on. Come on.
406
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,381
- Uh, Liza?
- Charles!
407
00:15:41,406 --> 00:15:42,410
I am so sorry.
408
00:15:42,435 --> 00:15:43,641
I meant to send that text to my boyfriend.
409
00:15:43,666 --> 00:15:44,998
We must have cross-texted.
410
00:15:45,023 --> 00:15:46,837
Uh, yeah, I guess we must have.
411
00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:47,646
I'm so sorry.
412
00:15:47,671 --> 00:15:49,545
I'm at this bluegrass
festival in Cooperstown,
413
00:15:49,570 --> 00:15:50,674
and my phone died.
414
00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:52,699
Well, it... it sounds like
415
00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:54,118
you're having fun, though.
416
00:15:54,143 --> 00:15:55,275
Uh...
417
00:15:55,300 --> 00:15:56,476
No, not really.
418
00:15:56,501 --> 00:15:57,867
It's, uh... it's not so great.
419
00:15:57,892 --> 00:15:59,391
It's really muddy,
420
00:15:59,416 --> 00:16:01,518
lots of mosquitoes, no plumbing.
421
00:16:01,543 --> 00:16:03,232
It's fine, Liza, really.
422
00:16:03,257 --> 00:16:06,686
You know, there is this
great B&B near Cooperstown
423
00:16:06,711 --> 00:16:07,836
called the Timid Whaler.
424
00:16:07,861 --> 00:16:09,289
My girls and I stayed there last summer.
425
00:16:09,314 --> 00:16:09,876
You'd love it.
426
00:16:09,901 --> 00:16:11,586
Oh, I don't know.
427
00:16:11,610 --> 00:16:12,757
Leaving here would be...
428
00:16:15,091 --> 00:16:16,340
Amazing.
429
00:16:16,365 --> 00:16:17,948
Go have fun, and enjoy your weekend.
430
00:16:17,973 --> 00:16:20,946
And thanks again for the help.
431
00:16:20,971 --> 00:16:22,906
I, uh... I couldn't have
done it without you.
432
00:16:22,931 --> 00:16:24,898
No problem. Sorry for
the misunderstanding.
433
00:16:24,923 --> 00:16:27,284
I'll see you on Monday.
434
00:16:27,309 --> 00:16:28,781
Fine, I hip-checked her.
435
00:16:28,806 --> 00:16:31,452
We have a zero-tolerance policy
436
00:16:31,477 --> 00:16:32,859
when it comes to violence here.
437
00:16:32,884 --> 00:16:35,780
Except for killer guitar riffs, right?
438
00:16:38,013 --> 00:16:39,513
Come on.
439
00:16:43,191 --> 00:16:46,974
Okay, so was it more of a pop or a crack?
440
00:16:46,999 --> 00:16:48,806
- It was a crack.
- Uh, pop.
441
00:16:48,832 --> 00:16:50,368
Definitely a crack.
442
00:16:50,598 --> 00:16:52,638
We were making love.
443
00:16:52,663 --> 00:16:54,713
Diana was on top, of course.
444
00:16:54,738 --> 00:16:58,975
And then she arched her back
like a Romanian gymnast.
445
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,749
It's from rigorous yoga.
446
00:17:00,774 --> 00:17:01,998
I'm very supple of spine.
447
00:17:02,023 --> 00:17:02,895
Hmm.
448
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:05,347
And then I heard a crack sound,
449
00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:08,735
and I felt a searing pain in my phallus.
450
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,240
Oh, my God, I think she broke your dick.
451
00:17:11,265 --> 00:17:12,390
Doctor!
452
00:17:12,415 --> 00:17:14,068
I don't understand. It's not even a bone.
453
00:17:14,093 --> 00:17:15,859
Well, technically, it's a penile fracture.
454
00:17:15,884 --> 00:17:17,633
It's when the lining
of the penis ruptures.
455
00:17:17,658 --> 00:17:19,309
It's not uncommon when the woman's on top
456
00:17:19,334 --> 00:17:22,038
and her entire body weight
is pounding and bending
457
00:17:22,063 --> 00:17:23,095
the engorged penis.
458
00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:24,028
Is that what happened here?
459
00:17:24,053 --> 00:17:26,174
- That's what he wanted.
- I wanted what you wanted!
460
00:17:26,199 --> 00:17:27,399
We're gonna need to take a sonogram
461
00:17:27,424 --> 00:17:28,518
before we can operate.
462
00:17:28,542 --> 00:17:30,749
And to do that, we'll
need you fully erect.
463
00:17:30,774 --> 00:17:32,524
I don't see how that's gonna happen.
464
00:17:32,549 --> 00:17:34,599
We can give you an injection in your penis
465
00:17:34,624 --> 00:17:36,290
to stimulate an erection,
or if you prefer,
466
00:17:36,315 --> 00:17:38,482
we can give you some
privacy with your girlfriend
467
00:17:38,507 --> 00:17:40,007
while she assists you.
468
00:17:40,032 --> 00:17:41,948
Get her out of here!
469
00:17:48,395 --> 00:17:50,061
Liza.
470
00:17:50,258 --> 00:17:51,767
What happened?
471
00:17:51,792 --> 00:17:53,375
Ugh, I'm so sorry I missed your set.
472
00:20:25,686 --> 00:17:55,810
I accidentally sexted
my boss instead of you,
472
00:17:55,835 --> 00:17:57,319
and I had to call to explain,
473
00:17:57,344 --> 00:18:00,238
and some "Hunger Games" tribute
tried to take my charger,
474
00:18:00,263 --> 00:18:02,647
and I... I hip-checked her.
475
00:18:02,672 --> 00:18:03,743
No way.
476
00:18:03,768 --> 00:18:05,568
And they kicked you out for that?
477
00:18:05,593 --> 00:18:07,126
Why is everyone so nonviolent here?
478
00:18:07,151 --> 00:18:09,087
We're not that far from New York.
479
00:18:10,483 --> 00:18:11,899
I'm sorry.
480
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,141
I know that this is really,
really important to you.
481
00:18:14,166 --> 00:18:15,198
Yeah.
482
00:18:15,223 --> 00:18:16,184
I clearly can't cut it.
483
00:18:16,208 --> 00:18:18,255
You have to be in your 20s
to do the festival thing,
484
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:21,248
and I hate saying it, but
I'm just too old for this.
485
00:18:21,273 --> 00:18:23,356
Yeah. Yeah.
486
00:18:23,381 --> 00:18:25,062
So am I.
487
00:18:25,087 --> 00:18:26,534
- Really?
- Yeah.
488
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:27,903
Plus, I stink.
489
00:18:27,928 --> 00:18:29,175
You do stink.
490
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:30,957
Whoa, whoa, so do you, babe.
491
00:18:30,983 --> 00:18:32,383
I know. I know I reek.
492
00:18:32,408 --> 00:18:33,911
Hmm.
493
00:18:33,936 --> 00:18:37,271
You know, my boss mentioned a B&B.
494
00:18:37,296 --> 00:18:38,958
It's 20 minutes away.
495
00:18:38,984 --> 00:18:39,944
Mm.
496
00:18:39,968 --> 00:18:41,434
It's supposed to be really nice.
497
00:18:41,459 --> 00:18:42,708
Do they have towels?
498
00:18:42,733 --> 00:18:44,038
Oh, they have towels.
499
00:18:44,064 --> 00:18:46,014
They have towels for days.
500
00:18:46,039 --> 00:18:48,290
Oh, tell me more about these towels.
501
00:18:48,315 --> 00:18:50,815
And they have pillows...
502
00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:56,143
Soft, warm, fluffy pillows.
503
00:18:56,168 --> 00:18:58,608
Gabe loves pillows.
504
00:18:58,632 --> 00:18:59,671
Mm.
505
00:18:59,696 --> 00:19:01,076
Babe.
506
00:19:01,101 --> 00:19:03,431
I love... I love pillows!
507
00:19:03,456 --> 00:19:05,250
I love pillows.
508
00:19:06,468 --> 00:19:08,077
Uh, Miller? Liza Miller?
509
00:19:08,102 --> 00:19:09,828
Excellent. A room for two.
510
00:19:09,853 --> 00:19:11,039
Oh, let me get...
511
00:19:11,064 --> 00:19:11,847
No, I got this.
512
00:19:11,872 --> 00:19:13,171
Actually, it looks like
513
00:19:13,196 --> 00:19:14,729
your room has already been paid for
514
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,170
by Empirical Publishing.
515
00:19:16,195 --> 00:19:17,142
Wow.
516
00:19:17,167 --> 00:19:19,423
Your boss is awesome.
517
00:19:24,180 --> 00:19:25,596
Wow!
518
00:19:25,709 --> 00:19:28,210
This is beautiful!
519
00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:29,682
Look, we got a basket.
520
00:19:29,707 --> 00:19:31,715
Got some vino.
521
00:19:32,036 --> 00:19:33,035
And a note.
522
00:19:33,060 --> 00:19:34,059
Oh, I'll open it.
523
00:19:34,084 --> 00:19:35,218
I got it.
524
00:19:35,243 --> 00:19:37,577
"Dear Liza, thanks for your help.
525
00:19:37,602 --> 00:19:38,974
"Couldn't have done it without you.
526
00:19:38,999 --> 00:19:42,917
Soon enough, you'll be the
one answering the questions."
527
00:19:42,942 --> 00:19:43,810
I see.
528
00:19:43,835 --> 00:19:47,626
Put this robe on, and get into bed.
529
00:19:47,651 --> 00:19:48,367
Why?
530
00:19:48,392 --> 00:19:50,250
So we can take a picture
and send it to your boss,
531
00:19:50,275 --> 00:19:51,274
say "thank you."
532
00:19:51,299 --> 00:19:52,762
Okay.
533
00:20:02,387 --> 00:20:07,102
All right, now why don't you
take all your clothes off
534
00:20:07,127 --> 00:20:09,326
and meet me in the bathroom?
535
00:20:14,253 --> 00:20:15,507
I'll be there in a second.
536
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:22,888
_
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