Original subtitles

BEING A GIGOLO ISN'T ALWAYS EASY.

Nick: I'M VERY PROUD TO BE CALLED A GIGOLO.

THERE'S NOBODY OUT THERE MORE COMPETITIVE THAN ME.

I TRY TO BREAK A SWEAT SIX DAYS A WEEK.

Brace: THE BRACE PHILOSOPHY

IS TO REALLY BE GOOD TO PEOPLE.

I'VE HAD SO MANY WOMEN IN MY LIFE IT'S JUST A BLUR.

I WANNA ENJOY THIS.

Jimmy: I'M THE GUY THAT EATS DESSERT FIRST.

I'M ADVENTUROUS. I'M WILLING TO TRY QUITE A LOT.

Steven: I'M JUST A NORMAL GUY

LOOKING FOR LOVE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.

THIS IS ME. YOU CAN TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.

Vin: I REALLY LOVE WOMEN--

LEARNING ABOUT THEM, LEARNING WHAT MAKES THEM TICK.

I WOULD CONSIDER MYSELF A REAL FEMINIST.

THAT'S VEGAS, BABY.

- MONEY, RIGHT THERE. - OH MY GOD.

- WHOO! - OH!

( dog howling )

- ( knocks on door ) - ( door opens )

- HELLO? IT'S ME. - HEY. COME ON IN.

- MMM, IT SMELLS GOOD IN HERE. - GOOD.

SO I MET THIS GIRL KELLY A FEW MONTHS AGO AT A CLUB

AND WE STARTED HANGING OUT A BIT.

LOOK AT YOU, MAKING ME DINNER AND EVERYTHING.

- MM-HMM. - WOW.

AND WITHIN I WOULD SAY ABOUT A MONTH

I TOLD HER WHAT WAS GOING ON, THAT I ESCORT.

- HOW YOU DOING? - GOOD.

- ( giggles ) MMM. - GOOD. GOOD TO SEE YOU.

THAT'S PROBABLY DONE.

- Kelly: YUP. - YEAH.

Jimmy's voice: SHE SEEMED OKAY WITH IT

AND I WAS SORTA STUNNED FOR A LITTLE BIT.

I ALMOST THOUGHT "WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS CHICK?"

IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG? I DON'T KNOW.

YOU KNOW, I WISH I HAD TAKEN MORE TIME

TO CONSIDER IT WHEN I FIRST STARTED DOING IT,

BECAUSE IT WAS JUST SORT OF A-- ( snaps )

A FLIP OF A SWITCH FROM STRIPPING TO ESCORTING.

- ( chuckles ) - BOOM, ONE DAY.

- YEAH, THAT'S A LOT. - BUT IF THE PERSON WHO I'M WITH

REALLY UNDERSTANDS WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING,

THEN THERE'S NO PROBLEM, THERE'S NO JEALOUSY.

YOU KNOW, NOBODY SHOULD EVER START ESCORTING OUT OF DESPERATION...

- YEAH. - ...BUT THAT ACTUALLY WAS KIND OF WHAT HAPPENED TO ME,

AND I JUST GOT LUCKY, BECAUSE I GOT HOOKED IN WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE.

( Kelly speaks )

- WELL, IT'S NICE. - ( chuckles )

HOW DOES BEING A GIGOLO AFFECT RELATIONSHIPS?

YOU'RE ONLY AS SICK AS YOUR SECRETS.

AND BECAUSE OF THAT REASON

I THINK THAT SHARING MY SECRETS

IS BETTER THAN HOLDING IT IN.

( moaning )

- ( sucks ) - OH YEAH.

OH YEAH.

I'M NOT ONE TO JUDGE PEOPLE

OR EVER SAY WHETHER SOMEBODY SHOULD

GIVE OUT THEIR SECRETS OR NOT.

( moaning continues )

I JUST SAY FOR MYSELF

IT FEELS BETTER WHEN I CAN BE MORE HONEST.

- ( both moaning loudly ) - Jimmy: OH MY--

I LOVE YOU.

( waitress speaks )

- HEY, HOW YOU DOING? - GOOD.

I WOULD LIKE TWO MIMOSAS, ACTUALLY.

YEAH, THE FIRST ONE I LIKE TO SLAM,

AND THE SECOND ONE I LIKE TO SIP.

HE'S THE SAME WAY WITH GIRLS.

THE FIRST ONE I LIKE TO SLAM

- AND THE SECOND ONE I LIKE TO SIP. - SIP ON.

- WOW. - Vin: YES, YOU WILL. YES, YOU WILL.

- ( laughing ) - Jimmy: SHE LIKES TO START EARLY. I LIKE THAT.

- Nick: THAT MADE MY MORNING. - Jimmy: YEAH, I PERKED UP.

- Nick: WOW. - I'VE GOT THESE FRIENDS COMING IN,

FRIENDS FROM COLLEGE THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN IN A LONG TIME.

WHAT'S THE OCCASION, JUST "VEGAS--

- VEGAS, BABY"? - A BACHELORETTE PARTY AND THEN A WEDDING HERE--

ONE OF THEIR OTHER FRIENDS I DON'T KNOW.

- THEY'RE BOTH CHICKS? - I DON'T KNOW THE GIRL THAT'S GETTING MARRIED.

- YEAH, THEY'RE BOTH CHICKS. - SWEET.

- ARE THEY HOT? - YEAH YEAH.

UMM, YEAH. I MEAN, THEY WERE HOT IN COLLEGE,

SO I WOULD ASSUME THEY'RE--

ONE OF THEM HAS HAD A COUPLE OF KIDS, THOUGH,

SO... YOU KNOW.

SHE'S SIMMERED DOWN A BIT.

- ( laughs ) - Vin: ARE THE KIDS COMING?

- Jimmy: THE KIDS ARE COMING. - WHAT?!

- Nick: OH YAY, FUN. - Brace: KIDS?

- TO VEGAS? - Jimmy: YEAH.

THE KIDS ARE STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE?

- Jimmy: YEAH. - OH MY GOD.

Nick: I AGREED TO IT, 'CAUSE IT'S ONE NIGHT.

- I THINK I CAN HANDLE ONE. - MM-HMM.

- Vin: ONE NIGHT? - WE'LL SEE.

- ONE NIGHT. - BUT I'M NOT GONNA BE THERE,

- SO IT DOESN'T MATTER. - Brace: YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE THERE?

- HELL NO. - I'D BE SO GONE.

- I WILL NOT BE THERE. - THOSE KIDS, THEY'RE PROBABLY GONNA HAVE YOU

- DUCT-TAPED TO A CHAIR. - Nick: I WILL NOT BE THERE.

I CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I WAS AROUND ANY KIDS.

SO WHAT'S THE DEAL? DO THE GIRLS FROM COLLEGE KNOW

THAT YOU'RE INTO WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

Jimmy: NO, 'CAUSE I HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN IN CONTACT

EXCEPT FOR MOSTLY EMAIL.

I'M KINDS WORRIED ABOUT WHAT THEY'LL THINK IF I DO TELL THEM.

- WHY DO YOU GOT TO TELL THEM ANYTHING? - NO, I DO.

I CARE. THEY'RE GOOD FRIENDS FROM COLLEGE.

BUT IF YOU TELL THEM, AREN'T THEY GONNA TELL

ALL THE PEOPLE THAT YOU KNOW?

MAYBE, MAYBE NOT.

THERE'S DEFINITELY A STIGMA

ABOUT WHAT IT IS THAT WE DO.

MOST PEOPLE CAN'T FULLY ACCEPT IT.

I DON'T THINK MOST PEOPLE WANT TO UNDERSTAND IT.

SO WHEN YOU TALK TO THEM, IF YOU SHARE WITH PEOPLE,

IMMEDIATELY START THREATENING THEIR REALITY,

THEIR INSECURITIES POP OUT.

AND SO THE ONLY PEOPLE YOU CAN EVER TALK TO ABOUT IT

ARE PEOPLE IN THE BUSINESS.

I'VE GOT LOTS OF BOYS, BUT I DON'T TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT.

WHY-- WHY DO YOU GOTTA TELL THEM ANYTHING? WHAT THE HELL?

I DON'T. I DON'T. THEY'RE JUST FRIENDS.

I MAY TELL THEM, I MAY NOT TELL THEM.

I DON'T LET ANYBODY KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING

FOR ALL THESE YEARS,

BECAUSE I'VE LOST A LOT OF FRIENDS

DUE TO THE FACT THAT I'M AN ESCORT.

OR THEY FOUND OUT SOMEHOW. AND IT SUCKS. I HATE IT.

YEAH, YOU TELL ONE PERSON, THEY'RE TELLING EVERYBODY.

YEAH, THAT'S PRETTY MUCH HOW IT GOES.

Brace: THAT'S WHY I DON'T TELL ANYBODY ANYTHING.

Jimmy's voice: I HOPE MY FRIENDS CONTINUE TO ACCEPT ME

WHEN AND IF THEY FIND OUT.

I'VE SORT OF JUST BEEN PLAYING SPIN DOCTOR FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

THAT'S REALLY ALL THEY KNOW,

IS THAT I STRIP, SO...

ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS, I GOTTA GO,

I GOTTA CLEAN THE APARTMENT.

- Vin: KIDPROOF IT? - YEAH YEAH YEAH.

- OKAY, SEE YA. - ALL RIGHT, BUDDY, SEE YOU.

- ALL RIGHT, MAN. - GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.

MAY GOD BE WITH YOU.

WOW, DUDE. I CAN'T BELIEVE HE AGREED TO THAT.

BETTER HIM THAN ME.

HEY, WHAT'S UP, MAN? HOW YOU DOING?

- I'M JULIAN. NICE TO MEET YOU. - NICE TO MEET YOU.

- COME ON IN, MAN. - HI.

- THIS IS MY WIFE CANDI. - NICK.

- HEY, NICK. - HI. HOW YOU DOING?

- GREAT, HOW ARE YOU? - REAL GOOD. REAL GOOD.

WHENEVER I HAVE A COUPLE--

EITHER A HUSBAND OR A BOYFRIEND PAYING FOR MY SERVICES--

I'M ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT WHAT THE GUY'S INTENTIONS ARE,

IF HE'S GONNA BE IN THE ROOM.

- ARE YOU GUYS FROM HERE? - NO, WE'RE HERE ON VACATION.

- VACATION? - YEAH.

- WHERE YOU FROM? - NEW YORK.

- IDAHO. - NEW YORK AND IDAHO.

- Julian: YEAH. - I'M FROM WISCONSIN, ORIGINALLY.

- WISCONSIN. - YEAH.

- CHEESEHEADS. - YEAH.

( all chuckle )

- SO... - HAVE YOU DONE THIS BEFORE?

I HIRED A GIRL FOR HIM.

HIRED A GIRL FOR HIM? SO IT'S HER TURN.

- COOL. - HE'S RETURNING THE FAVOR.

- IT'S PAYBACK TIME. - THAT'S A FAIR AGREEMENT.

WE'VE TALKED ABOUT IT, AND SO HERE WE ARE.

IF THERE'S A GUY IN THE ROOM, I HAVE TWO RULES:

ONE IS NO SKIN OR FLUID ON ME,

BESIDES FROM THE GIRL; AND THE SECOND RULE IS

IF YOU'RE A GUY AND NOT A GIGOLO, YOU KEEP YOUR PANTS ON.

Julian: PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING GOES WITH US.

BUT WE WANTED TO SEE HOW THE OTHER ONE FELT

WATCHING THE OTHER ONE, YOU KNOW,

BEING WITH ANOTHER PERSON.

NOT YOU. I THOUGHT YOU WERE WATCHING.

I AM. I'VE GOT A PLACE TO SIT.

- ( all chuckle ) - I'M JUST KIDDING.

I LOVED IT. DO YOU THINK YOU'LL LIKE IT?

YES. I MEAN, WE'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT IT.

- I THINK SO. - YEAH?

YOU ALREADY KNOW. YOU WENT THROUGH IT ALREADY.

- I DON'T KNOW YET. - I LOVE IT.

- WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES. - I LOVE WATCHING YOU FUCK SOMEONE ELSE.

- ( Nick grunts ) - ( kissing )

Nick's voice: THE HUSBAND, I THINK, WAS KIND OF AGAINST IT,

ESPECIALLY AFTER I SHOWED UP,

BUT HE HAD TO GO THROUGH WITH IT

BECAUSE HIS WIFE ALLOWED HIM TO GET A GIRL.

IT KINDA-- IT SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

( moaning )

I HAVE TO BLOCK HIM OUT.

- YEAH, MM-HMM. - ( moaning )

Nick's voice: IT WAS ONE OF THE FIRST TIMES

I KINDA HAD TO WATCH MY BACK IN THE ROOM,

'CAUSE I DON'T THINK HE WAS INTO IT AT ALL.

I WAS LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER HALF THE TIME

BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW IF HE'S GONNA GO A LITTLE JEALOUS

OR MAYBE ACT A LITTLE CRAZY

AND HIT ME OVER THE BACK OF THE HEAD 'CAUSE HE'S NOT INTO IT.

HE WAS A GOOD-LOOKING GUY AND ALL--

I DON'T WANT HER TO BE WITH SOMEBODY UGLY--

BUT I THINK HE CAME OFF AS A PRICK,

TO BE HONEST WITH YOU.

Candi: HE'S A PRETTY BOY.

HE'S VERY METROSEXUAL.

- ( speaks ) - ( Candi speaks )

DAMN IT.

- ALL RIGHT. ( chuckles ) - GOOD.

- Nick: ACTUALLY-- - Candi: HOW WAS IT, HONEY?

- DID YOU ENJOY IT? - IT WAS MORE FOR YOUR PLEASURE.

- THIS IS WHAT THE AGREEMENT WAS. - I KNOW. DID YOU ENJOY IT?

IT WAS-- IT WAS FUN, YEAH.

ALL RIGHT. WELL, I'LL LEAVE YOU TWO.

- I HAD A LOT OF FUN. I HOPE YOU HAD FUN. - THANK YOU.

- WE DID. - GOOD.

Julian: I DON'T KNOW. IT SEEMED LIKE HE WAS TOO INTO HIMSELF.

THAT'S THE THING THAT BOTHERED ME.

- I DON'T KNOW. - IF YOU LIKED IT, YOU CAN TELL ME YOU LIKED IT.

I MEAN, YOU CAN TELL--

- THAT'S-- THAT'S-- - NO.

I MEAN, HE WAS OKAY.

- YOU'RE BETTER. - WELL, I HOPE SO

- OR WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM. - ( both laugh )

- Julian: THANK YOU. - Nick: THANK YOU.

- HAVE A GOOD NIGHT. - Both: BYE.

( bird screeches )

Jimmy's voice: ESCORTING, PER SE, IT WAS BORN

OUT OF A DESPERATION TO SURVIVE.

ESCORTING JUST PROVED TO BE THE NEXT BEST ALTERNATIVE,

YOU KNOW, TO GETTING WHAT I WANTED...

WHAT THE FUCK?

...AND THAT WAS TIME

TO BE ABLE TO DO THE OTHER THINGS

IN MY LIFE THAT I WANT.

A COUPLE OF MY FRIENDS FROM COLLEGE,

THEY HAVE THIS BACHELORETTE PARTY GOING ON THIS WEEKEND

THEY ARE COMING INTO TOWN AND I REALLY WANT

TO BE HONEST WITH THEM ABOUT WHAT I DO.

ALTHOUGH WE HAVE THIS RELATIONSHIP

THAT IS SORT OF BASED ON SEMI-CONNECTION

AND OFTEN JUST CHECKING IN WITH EACH OTHER

VIA EMAIL OR MAYBE SOME TEXTS...

THEY STILL DON'T COMPLETELY KNOW WHAT I DO.

AND I FEEL THIS OBLIGATION TO BE HONEST,

TO BE MORE HONEST WITH PEOPLE ABOUT WHAT I DO,

BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE IT BALANCES ME.

IT FEELS LIKE IT LIFTS THE WEIGHT OFF OF ME.

FROM HAVING A SECRET TO HIDE.

IF THEY'RE NOT 18, I WON'T EVEN TALK TO 'EM.

- Vin: THAT'S NOT WHAT I HEARD. - NO. NO.

- THAT WAS GOOD. - ( phone ringing )

Steven: WHOSE GAY-ASS RINGTONE IS THAT?

YEAH. OH, IT SOUNDS LIKE A PHONE.

- Brace: I KNOW. - Steven: WHO THE HELL'S THAT?

- WHAT'S UP? - Jimmy: Uh...

I HAVE A HUGE FAVOR TO ASK.

I NEED YOU TO TAKE CARE OF, PLEASE,

my friend's kids.

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS, MAN?

( Jimmy speaks )

- I THINK NICK GOT SOMEBODY-- - Vin: CLIENT.

- NO, HE GOT SOMEBODY PREGNANT. - Nick: HOW LONG?

- HOW LONG? - SHE'S SAYING "I'M PREGNANT. WE'RE GONNA HAVE A KID."

IT'S NOT GONNA BE MORE THAN AN HOUR--

A COUPLE OF HOURS AT ALL, YOU KNOW.

- HOLD ON A SECOND. - WE'LL BE GOOD.

- ( sighs ) - Brace: WHAT?

Nick: WHO LIKES KIDS?

Vin: I LIKE KIDS TO GO HOME WITH THEIR PARENTS.

JIMMY'S FRIEND NEEDS SOMEBODY TO WATCH HER KIDS TONIGHT,

- AND I AM TAKING YOU TWO WITH ME. - BABYSITTING?

THANK YOU. CALL A BABYSITTER.

- YOU GUYS ARE COMING. - GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. I CAN'T BECAUSE--

- WHEN IS IT? - IT'S TONIGHT.

I'VE GOT A CLIENT. I CAN'T.

I MEAN, I'M FREE, BUT I DON'T-- WHY-- WAIT, WHY DOES--

CAN'T THINK OF NOTHING? ALL RIGHT, WELL, YOU TWO ARE COMING WITH.

THAT SOUNDED LIKE VIN. DID HE SAY YES?

- I HEARD SOMETHING. - HE NEEDS HELP.

- STEVEN AND VIN ARE COMING WITH. - IT'S GONNA BE CRAZY.

- THAT'S THE ONLY WAY THAT I'LL DO IT. - Vin: I ALMOST FEEL LIKE

WE NEED TO BE THERE TO MAKE SURE THERE'S NOT A MURDER.

- YOU DO. YOU DO. - HE WILL CHOKE THAT KID OUT.

ALL RIGHT, SO TEXT ME THE DETAILS--

TEXT ME THE DETAILS AND STEVEN AND VIN WILL BE COMING WITH.

- ALL RIGHT. - YOU HAVE TO GO, FOR SURE.

- ALL RIGHT, YOU OWE ME. - YOU'VE GOT A KID, SO YOU KNOW HOW TO DO IT.

- GOODBYE. - Brace: THEY'RE BOTH GOING.

- Vin: DUDE, ARE WE GETTING PAID? - Steven: THANK YOU.

ARE WE GETTING PAID TO DO THIS? 'CAUSE WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT IS

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT YOU AND I BABYSITTING THREE CHILDREN NOW--

TWO KIDS AND NICK.

- JUST KIDDING. - I CAN HANDLE KIDS. I CAN HANDLE DOGS IF--

- DOGS AND KIDS. - I JUST CAN'T DO IT FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME.

YOU CAN LEAVE DOGS OUT IN THE BACKYARD.

- YOU CAN'T DO THAT WITH KIDS. - YEAH, YOU CAN...

- Vin: WELL, WE CAN TRY. - ...IF YOU HAVE A GOOD FENCE.

I'M A BUSINESSPERSON, I'M VERY RESPONSIBLE.

AND I'VE NEVER LET JIMMY DOWN.

I DEFINITELY WOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITH THE KIDS.

SO I'M GONNA RUN HOME, JUMP ON WIKIPEDIA

- AND LOOK UP "KIDS." - ( laughing )

AND I'LL MEET YOU GUYS THERE.

Vin: ALL RIGHT. ENJOY.

Steven: I'M GONNA FINISH YOUR DRINK!

( doorbell rings )

( knocks on door )

- HELLO. HOW'S IT GOING? - Woman: HI!

DOING GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

- GOOD. - OH, IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.

GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT TO VEGAS.

- HI. - HI, HOW YOU DOING?

- WOW, THEY LOOK SO BIG NOW. - TYLER AND BRADEN, YES.

- HEY, GUYS. - SAY HI. DO YOU HAVE A HIGH FIVE OR A HUG?

I'M JIMMY. SO THIS IS MY HUMBLE ABODE.

WE'RE CRASHING AT JIMMY'S, WHO WE HAVEN'T SEEN IN AT LEAST FIVE YEARS.

IT MIGHT BE A LITTLE MORE, I THINK.

WELL, YOU'RE IN MOMMY TERRITORY, SO IT MUST SEEM LONGER TO YOU.

I HAVE BETTER MEMORY, THOUGH.

- OKAY, WE'RE GONNA GO WITH THAT. - ( both laugh )

BUT YEAH, HE'S GONNA TAKE US OUT,

WE'RE GONNA GET SOME CUTE STUFF,

MAYBE GET SOME STUFF FOR THE BACHELORETTE PARTY...

- Amee: YES. - ...SHOW US THE TOWN.

JUST GO AHEAD AND DROP THAT STUFF RIGHT THERE.

I'LL PUT THE LUGGAGE IN THE BEDROOM.

- NO KIDS. - HIGH FIVE.

- YES. - ALL RIGHT.

SO YOU GUYS READY TO PARTY IT UP IN VEGAS?

- OH YES. - VERY MUCH READY.

- NICE. - WE NEED TO GET MOM AWAY FROM HER KIDS.

- YES, FAR FAR AWAY. - ( Jimmy chuckles )

I LOVE YOU GUYS, BUT FAR FAR AWAY.

Jimmy: YOU CAN GO SHOP A LITTLE BIT.

Amee: SHOP, FOOD, DRINKS--

- ALL OF IT. - SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.

SO MY ROOMMATE SHOULD BE HERE PRETTY SOON.

- OKAY. - Kristen: AND THEY'RE GONNA TAKE CARE--

Jimmy: YEAH, THEY SHOULD BE FINE.

I FEEL LIKE I WOULD BE A GOOD FATHER.

I FEEL LIKE I COULD HAVE A VERY DECENT PLACE

IN SOCIETY BEING A FATHER.

- THROW IT. - ALL RIGHT!

- GOOD JOB. - GOOD JOB, BUDDY.

- GOT IT. - Jimmy: GOOD JOB.

- OW. - Jimmy: OH!

Amee: OH, HE'LL RECOVER. HE'LL BE FINE.

Jimmy: DOES THAT MEAN IT HAS TO HAPPEN NOW?

- WATCH OUT. - OH! TYLER.

- Tyler: SORRY. - NOPE.

BUT I WOULD LIKE TO CONTINUE

MY FAMILY LINE, MY HERITAGE.

I DON'T KNOW. CALL IT A PRIMAL INSTINCT.

( hisses )

- ( laughing ) - ( mimics biting )

- ( door opens, closes ) - I HEARD YOU GUYS DOWN THE ROAD.

- Jimmy: YO. - OH MAN.

- HOW WE DOING? - Kristen: HI.

- Jimmy: GOOD. - I'M AMEE. HI.

THESE ARE MY CHILDREN.

SPEED SPEED SPEED. I CANNOT STAND ANYTHING.

- YOU'RE NICK? - THESE ARE THE CHILDREN.

- I AM NICK. - Amee: YES.

- SAY HI, YOU GUYS. - Tyler: HI.

- HI. - HEY, BUT I HAVE A LOT TO TELL YOU.

ARE YOU READY? IT'S A LOT.

- OKAY. - OKAY, BRADEN, THE LITTLE ONE RIGHT THERE,

- HE CANNOT HAVE PEANUTS. - YOU GUYS ARE GONNA CLEAN THIS UP, RIGHT?

LOOK LOOK LOOK. NO, REALLY LOOK, OKAY?

HE CANNOT HAVE ANYTHING WITH PEANUTS IN IT.

- NOTHING. - NO PEANUTS. GOT IT.

Amee: NOTHING WITH EGG IN IT. JUST DON'T FEED HIM.

- YOU CAN GIVE HIM CHIPS... - YOU WROTE THIS DOWN, RIGHT?

...OR WATER OR MILK. NO, JUST THINK.

- NO WATER, MILK OR CHIPS. - NO, HE CAN HAVE WATER AND MILK.

- OKAY, ONLY WATER AND MILK. - YES. THIS IS EPIPEN.

YOU TAKE IT OUT-- AND THIS IS REAL, OKAY?

THERE'S A NEEDLE IN IT.

JUST LOOK AT THE DIRECTIONS, OKAY?

YOU REMOVE THE GREEN CAPS

AND THEN YOU JAB IT INTO HIS LEG AND COUNT TO 10.

THAT IS ONLY IF HE CANNOT BREATHE.

I WILL KILL YOU IF HE CANNOT BREATHE

AT SOME POINT, JUST SO YOU KNOW, OKAY?

SO YOU JAB IT INTO HIS LEG,

YOU CALL 911 AND THEN YOU CALL ME.

Nick: THE KIDS ACTUALLY WEREN'T THAT SCARY.

- AMEE WAS SCARY. - MY CHILDREN MEAN EVERYTHING,

AND IF YOU DO SOMETHING WRONG, IT MEANS THE END OF YOU.

OKAY? OKAY.

- I'M WATCHING THEM. - Tyler: ARE YOU GONNA MAKE ME AN ANIMAL?

- I LOVE YOU. - THEY'LL BE GOOD. DON'T WORRY.

- CAN YOU MAKE ME A TIGER? - Amee: I LOVE YOU!

CAN YOU MAKE ME A TIGER?

- MAKE ME A TIGER TOO. - OH MAN.

Vin: I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS, DUDE.

FRANKLY, I DON'T WANT TO WATCH KIDS EITHER,

BUT I'M JUST GOING FOR THEIR PROTECTION.

I CAN'T IMAGINE NICK ACTUALLY BABYSITTING

ANYTHING OTHER THAN A BOX OF ROCKS.

JIMMY CALLED NICK TO ASK HIM TO BABYSIT HIS FRIEND'S KIDS.

THAT MIGHT BE MY ABSOLUTE LAST RESORT.

I THINK I'D ALMOST DO CHARLES MANSON BEFORE NICK.

EVEN HE SEEMS A LITTLE MORE LAID BACK.

TAKE THE KIDS, GET 'EM A COUPLE OF LAP DANCES.

THAT'LL KEEP 'EM NICE AND QUIET.

RIGHT, THEN THEY'LL ALL GROW UP TO BE LIKE US. GREAT.

( both laugh )

Amee: SO WHAT ARE WE LOOKING FOR?

- Jimmy: IT IS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU GUYS. - Kristen: SERIOUSLY.

- Amee: IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME. - IT'S BEEN, WHAT, FIVE YEARS?

AT LEAST. WELL, TYLER'S FIVE NOW

- AND YOU DIDN'T EMERGE FROM THE HOUSE AFTER-- - YEAH, NEVER.

I THINK THAT I WILL LOOK FOR AN OPPORTUNITY

TO BE ABLE TO TELL THEM THAT I ESCORT.

I'M NOT SURE IF I'M GONNA BLURT IT OUT

I'M NOT SURE IF I'M GONNA ASK THEM ABOUT

WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT MALE GIGOLOS BEFORE MENTIONING IT.

I'M NOT REALLY SURE HOW I'M GONNA GO ABOUT IT AT ALL.

I DON'T HAVE A GAME PLAN,

SO... I DON'T KNOW.

Amee: BLUE, YOU CAN DO BLUE. THAT'S FINE.

Kristen: YES, IT IS A LITTLE BIT URBAN COWBOY.

IT REMINDS ME OF JON VOIGHT IN "MIDNIGHT COWBOY."

THEY TELL YOU ABOUT THIS STUFF I MADE FOR THE PARTY?

THE BACHELORETTE PARTY? I'M GONNA HAVE PENISES EVERYWHERE.

I'M GONNA HAVE A PENIS WAND WITH LITTLE FRILLIES UNDERNEATH IT.

A PENIS WAND, PENIS MINTS,

- PENIS STRAWS. - I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THERE WERE PENIS MINTS.

ALL OF OUR DRINKS. I HAVE STRAWS FOR ALL OF US.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE STRIPPERS AND WE'RE GONNA HAVE PENISES ALL UP IN OUR FACE,

AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE LAST TIME THAT HAPPENED

FROM SOME RANDOM PERSON.

JUST SOME RANDOM PENIS. THERE IT IS.

PENIS PENIS PENIS.

Nick: I WOULD LOVE TO MAKE YOU A TIGER

OUT OF THESE BALLOONS. ALL RIGHT. STRETCH IT OUT A LITTLE BIT.

YOU DON'T PASS OUT BLOWING UP THAT BALLOON, PLEASE.

- Braden: OKAY. - ALL RIGHT.

( all blowing )

Tyler: THESE ARE HARD TO BLOW UP.

THESE ARE TRICK BALLOONS. ARE YOU GUYS PLAYING A JOKE ON ME?

( Nick and Braden laugh )

ALL RIGHT, TRY IT ONE MORE TIME. READY? REALLY HARD.

( blowing )

( both pant )

IF I PASS OUT, YOU'VE GOT TO STICK ME WITH A NEEDLE TOO.

- ( laughs ) - ( Braden speaks )

- YOU WHAT? - HE'S GOING POTTY.

HE CAN DO THAT ON HIS OWN, RIGHT?

THERE'S A LOT OF CRAZINESS THAT GOES ON AT BACHELORETTE PARTIES.

I'VE BEEN-- WHEN I USED TO DANCE,

- I'VE BEEN BITTEN, SCRATCHED. - ( laughs )

I ONE TIME HAD A WHIP CREAM BOTTLE SCRATCH ACROSS MY FACE

THAT MADE ME BLEED. IT WAS FUN.

SO YOU KNOW HOW I TOLD YOU THAT I WAS OUT OF STRIPPING

AND WAS JUST DOING SOME TECH WORK ON SOME OF THE SHOWS AROUND HERE?

- YEAH. - I'M JUST A MALE ESCORT NOW.

I'M NOT ACTUALLY IN TECH.

THAT'S HOW I SURVIVE.

LIKE MALE ESCORT MALE ESCORT?

MM-HMM. YEAH.

SOMETIMES DINNER, SOMETIMES MORE.

BUT MOSTLY JUST FUN, COMPANIONSHIP.

- OKAY. - AND I SURVIVE.

- CLEARLY. - BUT IT'S NOT EVER ABOUT SEX.

- DO YOU GET-- WHATEVER. - IT'S JUST COMPANIONSHIP.

-IT'S JUST TIME. - AND YOU GET PAID FOR THIS?

- YEAH. - WELL, AT LEAST YOU'RE GETTING PAID FOR IT NOW.

- Jimmy: MM-HMM. - RIGHT. I GUESS.

Kristen: AS OPPOSED TO COLLEGE.

AND DOES ANYBODY ELSE KNOW THAT THAT'S WHAT YOU DO?

- Jimmy: MY FRIENDS KNOW. - ( silent )

LET'S SEE WHAT KIND OF ARM YOU'VE GOT. THERE YOU GO.

NICE. NOT BAD. THAT'S A GOOD SPIRAL TOO.

- ( grunts ) - NICE CATCH.

YOU WANT TO CHECK ON HIM REAL QUICK?

ALL RIGHT, GO SEE HOW HE IS.

- ( Tyler grunts) - Braden: STOP.

- HE LOCKED THE DOOR. - ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

- HE LOCKED THE DOOR. - ARE YOU BREATHING?

YEAH? EVERYTHING COMING OUT ALL RIGHT?

Braden: YEAH.

- Nick: YOU'RE NOT MAKING A MESS, ARE YOU? - NO.

ALL RIGHT, I'M TRUSTING YOU.

- ( door shuts ) - WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?

- ( Nick laughs ) - Tyler: I WANNA MAKE A FORT.

Nick: ALL RIGHT, SO IT HASN'T BEEN THAT BAD.

ONE OF THEM HAS BEEN IN THE BATHROOM FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES.

- ( babbling ) - Steven: WHAT DID YOU FEED HIM?

HE'S FINE. WE'LL JUST LEAVE HIM. LET HIM BE.

- Vin: WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING? - WE'RE JUST PLAYING A LITTLE FOOTBALL.

HE'S ACTUALLY GOOD. HE'S NOT EVEN IN FIRST GRADE YET

AND HE'S GOT AN ARM BETTER THAN STEVEN.

- Braden: NICK! - UH-OH, WAIT, SOMETHING'S HAPPENING IN HERE.

- Braden: NICK! - WHAT?

Vin: I DON'T THINK IT'S SAFE FOR HIM TO BE LOCKED IN THERE LIKE THAT.

- SOUNDS LIKE HE'S NARRATING A POOP. - ALL RIGHT, COME ON OUT.

- THERE WE GO. OH! - ( door thumps )

I THINK I'M PRETTY GOOD WITH KIDS,

BUT I REALLY HAVE TO BE DEFINITELY IN THE MOOD.

AND THEY'VE GOT TO BE,

I THINK, IN CALM MODE.

( kids laughing )

- OW. - LITTLE ARM CURLS.

- I'M SCARED. - ( yells )

- NO-HO-HO-HO. - ( kids laughing )

DON'T. HE'S GONNA STOP BREATHING

AND I'LL HAVE TO STAB HIM WITH THE NEEDLE. GO OVER HERE.

( yelling )

NO! NO CHOKING OUT THE BROTHER.

Tyler: I GOT HIM!

Woman: AND YOU JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND RELAX.

MMM, NICE.

I SAID, "I'M GOING TO MEET A CLIENT TONIGHT,"

AND ACTUALLY THAT'S BULLSHIT.

I KNOW WHEN I NEED TO GET AWAY, I KNOW WHEN I NEED TO HAVE MY OWN TIME.

AND I DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH A COUPLE OF SCREAMING KIDS.

I TOLD MY BUDDIES I WAS WORKING,

JUST NEEDED SOME TIME AWAY...

- OH. - ...'CAUSE I DESERVE IT.

- Woman: YOU GOTTA DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO, RIGHT? - MM-HMM.

I FEEL SO SEXY RIGHT NOW.

I DON'T HAVE KIDS BECAUSE I KNOW

THAT HAVING KIDS REQUIRES A LOT OF TIME.

SOME PEOPLE SAY IT'S SELFISH,

BUT IT'S A CONSCIOUS DECISION THAT I'VE MADE

AND I'M JUST DOING

WHAT I THINK'S BEST FOR ME.

OH. ( grunts )

- IS THAT OKAY? - THAT'S GOOD.

I LIKE THAT. OH.

JESUS' MOTHER, THAT'S GOOD.

- ( kids laughing ) - EASE UP, EASE UP.

- ALL RIGHT, BACK ON TIME OUT. - I DON'T LIKE BEING UP HERE.

- I'M AFRAID OF HEIGHTS. - BACK ON TIME OUT.

I'M AFRAID OF HEIGHTS.

WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T CHOKE YOUR BROTHER THEN.

I AM AFRAID OF HEIGHTS.

- SEE? TEACH HIM. RIGHT? TEACH HIM. - ( door opens )

- Steven: AHA! - Jimmy: HEY.

- HEY. - Jimmy: WE'RE BACK.

- Amee: ALL RIGHT. - ALL RIGHT.

- YAY. - ( laughing )

- BEING A GOOD BOY? YEAH? - ( breathlessly ) YEAH.

- WERE YOU GOOD BOYS? - Jimmy: SO DID YOU GUYS BABYSIT 'EM OR WHAT?

( pants ) YEAH.

I HAVEN'T BEEN AROUND KIDS IN A WHILE,

SO I DIDN'T KNOW HOW IT WAS GONNA GO.

IT ENDED UP GOING ALL RIGHT,

AND OF COURSE THEY LOVED ME,

BUT MAN, ARE THEY FUCKING EXHAUSTING.

- Tyler: I THINK THIS ONE IS YOURS. - NEEDLES OUT IN THE FRIDGE,

- THEY'RE ALL YOURS. - Vin: STEVEN!

- I DIDN'T DO THAT. I DIDN'T DO THAT. - Vin: LET'S GO, MAN.

- YOU GUYS HAVE FUN. ALL RIGHT. - Vin: BYE.

- OH LORD. - Vin: GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE.

I GENUINELY AM PROUD OF NICK

FOR HANGING IN THERE AND NOT KILLING AMY'S KIDS.

I HAVE TO ADMIT I THOUGHT WE'D BE COMING HOME TO A CRIME SCENE.

- HOW DO YOU KNOW THOSE GUYS? - I DANCED WITH NICK

FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS. WE WORKED A LOT TOGETHER.

YOU DANCED. ELABORATE "DANCED."

PRIVATE PARTIES, BACHELORETTE PARTIES.

- Kristen: NOT TAP DANCING. - NOT TAP.

- NO BALLROOM. - NO JAZZ FINGERS?

NO JAZZ FINGERS.

SO ALL OF THEM DO WHAT YOU DO?

- YEAH. - REALLY?

THEY'RE MY BUDDIES AND THEY'RE ALSO MY FAMILY.

I DON'T LOVE THIS FOR JIMMY, BUT I LOVE HIM.

AND AS LONG AS HE'S BEING SAFE,

- I WANT THE BEST FOR HIM. - I WANT THE BEST FOR HIM TOO.

- I WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY. - I THINK IT'S KINDA COOL.

IT'S-- IT'S INTERESTING.

SO YOU HAVE AN AGENT. HOW DOES THAT EXACTLY WORK?

- IS THAT LIKE A PIMP? - HOW DOES THAT WORK?

YEAH, HE'S LIKE A PIMP BUT A LOT NICER.

- Kristen: HE DOESN'T SMACK YOU AROUND? - NOPE, NOTHING.

IT FEELS GREAT TO BE ACCEPTED FOR WHO YOU ARE

AND WHAT YOU DO, OBVIOUSLY.

THERE'S A SENSE OF PRIDE, A BETTER SENSE OF SELF-ESTEEM

AND SELF-CONFIDENCE. IT FEELS PRETTY NICE.

ARE YOU GONNA CLEAN UP AFTER MY KIDS?

- MAYBE. - I THINK WE SHOULD MAKE NICK DO IT.

- Jimmy: YEAH, WE SHOULD. - Amee: YEAH, WE SHOULD.

Nick: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

( rock music playing )

Man: SQUAWK.