Original subtitles

[♪♪]

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.

DON'T YOU JUST...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- I NEED TO PUT - MY GAME FACE ON.

- HUTCH ANDERSON - BROKE UP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND.

[THUMP]

WHAT WAS THAT?

- RELAX. IT WAS JUST - A PIECE OF WOOD.

OR A CAT.

OR MAYBE A SLEEPING HOBO.

[BRAKES SCREECH]

OH! OH, WE ARE

GOING TO DIE.

- YOU CANNOT STEER - AND PUT ON MASCARA

AT THE SAME TIME.

[SIGHS] FINE!

YOU TAKE THE WHEEL.

WHAT?

I'M NOT OLD ENOUGH

TO DRIVE!

GIVE ME

THAT MAKEUP BAG.

THIS HUTCH

HAD BETTER BE WORTH IT.

GO LIKE THIS...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

BLENDING.

- YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY SHOULD BUY - A WARMER BASE

- IF YOU WANT - TO MAKE YOUR EYES POP.

HERE WE ARE.

WAIT. WHY ARE WE IN A FOREST?

- I'M NOT GOING - TO SHOW UP AT SCHOOL

WITH MY KID BROTHER.

[GRUNTS]

[ANIMAL CALLS]

IS THAT A COYOTE?

SURE IS.

[LAUGHING] WHAT A BOZO.

[HONKING]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

THAT'S THE LAST TIME

I WEAR MUSK DEODORANT.

UGH!

OW!

ZIPPER IN THE EYE,

ZIPPER IN THE EYE!

DERBY?

ADAM YOUNG?

LONG TIME NO SEE, MAN.

SORRY.

SLAB PUT ME IN HERE.

SLAB?

WHO'S SLAB?

IMAGINE IF GODZILLA AND BIGFOOT

HAD A BABY.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW

THEY WERE DATING.

HEY, HUTCH.

UH... HI.

- I JUST THOUGHT - YOU'D WANT TO KNOW

I'M FREE SATURDAY.

REALLY? YOU'RE NOT BOOKED

FOR A BIRTHDAY PARTY?

A PARTY?

- SURE, I'D LOVE - TO GO WITH YOU.

WILL YOU PICK ME UP?

WHY?

- IS YOUR TINY CAR - IN THE SHOP?

[LAUGHS]

WOW.

THAT CLOWN IS HOT.

THAT CLOWN IS MY SISTER!

I'M JUST SAYING,

SHE BRINGS OUT

THE ANIMAL IN ME...

THE BALLOON ANIMAL.

BUT STILL, REOWWW!

- SO, WHAT'S THE DEAL, - MR. GENIUS?

WE WERE, LIKE, NINE

WHEN YOU LEFT SCHOOL.

- I HEARD YOU BECAME - A UNIVERSITY STUDENT?

I DID.

- WELL, I GUESS THAT - DIDN'T PAN OUT, HUH?

- 'CAUSE HERE YOU ARE - IN HIGH SCHOOL,

JUST LIKE ME.

YOU'RE EVEN IN MY CLASS.

ACTUALLY,

YOU'RE IN MY CLASS.

♪ GOODBYE, SUMMER

HELLO, FALL ♪

- ♪ WE'VE BEEN TRYING - TO GET HERE ♪

♪ SINCE WE BOTH

WERE BARELY TWO FEET TALL ♪

♪ WHO YOU CALLING "KID"? ♪

♪ WHO YOU CALLING "KID"? ♪

♪ COULD CALL ME WHAT YOU WANT ♪

♪ BUT I WON'T HEAR A WORD WHERE

I AM HID ♪

♪ WHO YOU CALLING "KID"? ♪

HELLO, CLASS.

MY NAME IS MR. YOUNG.

WELCOME TO GRADE NINE SCIENCE.

A KITE, A STRING

AND A KEY.

- CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHO CONDUCTED - THIS FAMOUS EXPERIMENT?

YOU'RE A KID.

OKAY.

GOOD EMPIRICAL OBSERVATION.

NOW, BACK TO BENJAMIN FRANKLIN...

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

- NOT REALLY RELEVANT - TO THE LESSON,

MR... SLABINKSY.

OH, YOU MUST BE SLAB.

- YOU KNOW, - YOU WERE RIGHT.

I TOTALLY SEE BIGFOOT,

ESPECIALLY AROUND

THE UNIBROW.

[CRACKS KNUCKLES]

I'LL BE 15 IN MARCH.

YOU'RE KIDDING ME.

YOU'RE ONLY...

14.

14?

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

HE'S A GENIUS, ALL RIGHT?

LIKE ALBERT FRANKENSTEIN.

ALBERT EINSTEIN.

WHATEVER.

THE DUDE WHO MADE A MONSTER

OUT OF DEAD BODY PARTS.

CAN YOU DO THAT?

- WELL, THAT'S REALLY - JUST A STORY...

- 'CAUSE MY NANA LOST A FOOT - IN A VACUUM CLEANER ACCIDENT,

- AND SHE KEEPS IT - UNDER THE SINK.

I MEAN, IT'S ALL WRINKLED

AND CANKLY,

BUT WE ARE

MAKING A MONSTER HERE.

WE'RE NOT MAKING A MONSTER!

- OKAY, LOOK, - IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.

I SKIPPED A GRADE OR TWO...

OR 12,

AND GRADUATED IN THE SPRING

- WITH A DOUBLE MAJOR - IN ASTROPHYSICS

AND MOLECULAR BIOMECHANICS.

[SPEAKS SLOWLY] SCIENCE.

[CLASS]: OH...

WHAT KIND OF "GENIUS"

BECOMES A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER?

I HAD OTHER OPPORTUNITIES.

BUT I WANTED A JOB

WHERE I COULD GET KIDS EXCITED

ABOUT SCIENCE...

[LAUGHTER]

UGH... SEE?

WE'RE LEARNING ALREADY.

VELOCITY, ADHESION.

MOLD GROWTH.

HEY, DERBY.

BIGFOOT?

- I... I MEANT BIGFOOT - IN A FLATTERING WAY.

- HE DOES PROTECT THE FORESTS - FROM THE INTRUSION OF MAN.

STUDENTS, PLEASE!

- THAT'S ENOUGH! I WANT EVERYONE - BACK IN THEIR SEATS

BY THE TIME I COUNT TO 10.

ONE...

TWO...

THREE.

OKAY.

THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.

NOW BACK TO ELECTRICITY...

OOH.

OOPS.

HI, PRINCIPAL TATER.

- YOU LOOK LIKE - HARRY POTTER.

OR... OR

"NOT-SO-HAIRY" POTTER.

I TOLD THE SCHOOL BOARD

IT WAS A MISTAKE

TO HIRE A CHILD

AS A TEACHER,

AND AS USUAL...

WOULD YOU STOP THAT?

- I WILL NOT LET YOU - TURN THIS SCHOOL

INTO A CIRCUS.

I'M NOT GOING

- TO TURN THIS SCHOOL - INTO A CIRCUS.

YOU DID THIS!

OKAY, THAT

WAS BAD TIMING.

EVERYTHING'S FINE.

MR. TATER JUST WANTED TO KNOW

- WHAT KIND OF HORS D'OEUVRES - I WANT

- FOR MY WELCOME ABOARD - PARTY.

I KNOW I'M LATE,

BUT I WAS ON THE BUS

WHEN A FLOCK OF BATS

SWOOPED DOWN AND...

OH, GREAT.

- THE TEACHER'S - NOT EVEN HERE YET.

HE'S RIGHT THERE.

WHERE?

BEHIND THAT KID?

IT IS THE KID!

OH.

SORRY I'M LATE, MR. YOUNG...?

I'M ECHO.

ECHO. ECHO. ECHO.

IS THERE AN ECHO IN HERE?

OR IS IT JUST YOU?

ARE YOU SURE HE'S THE TEACHER?

YES.

WE'RE JUST LEARNING...

HOW TO MAKE A MONSTER.

WE'RE NOT MAKING A MONSTER!

WE'RE LEARNING ABOUT...

VERY FUNNY.

WHO TOOK ALL THE CHALK?

[BELCHES]

WHO HAS HEARD

OF THE WAR OF 1812?

UH, EXCUSE ME.

MRS. BYRNE, RIGHT?

OH, NO.

- I WAS WONDERING - IF I COULD BORROW SOME...

YOU'RE LATE!

CHALK.

YOU'RE LATE, CHUCK!

TAKE YOUR SEAT!

NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I'M A TEACHER.

SURE YOU ARE.

- DO YOU THINK - I WAS BORN YESTERDAY?

I CAN'T IMAGINE

ANYONE THINKS THAT.

TAKE YOUR SEAT!

YES, MA'AM.

THE WAR OF 1812...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- APPARENTLY, - LEARNING ABOUT THE WAR OF 1812

FROM SOMEONE

WHO LIVED THROUGH IT.

- OOPS. PASS THAT - TO YOU-KNOW-WHO.

NO PROBLEM.

WHAT UP, BOO?

[CLEARS THROAT]

[SLAMS BOOK]

WHAT IS IT, CHUCK?

CAN I GO TO THE BATHROOM?

NO!

- OH, COME ON, - DON'T YOU EVER HAVE TO TINKLE?

EVERY NINE MINUTES.

- BUT I DON'T LEAVE CLASS - TO DO IT.

I WEAR

AN ABSORBENT UNDERGARMENT.

WANT TO SEE?

[EVERYONE]: NO!

[ALARM SOUNDING]

AIR RAID!

AIR RAID!

MUSSOLINI FOUND US!

- ACTUALLY, MRS. BYRNE, - THAT'S WAS JUST A CAR...

DUCK AND COVER!

DUCK AND COVER!

[CAR ALARM CONTINUES]

[CAR ALARM CHIRPS, STOPS]

[SIGHS WITH RELIEF]

WELL, I'M GOOD

FOR ANOTHER NINE MINUTES.

MY KEY!

MY SAMMICH!

BURN.

BURN.

- YEAH, I GET IT, - YOU "BURNED" ME.

- I THOUGHT YOU WERE - MY FRIEND.

OH! OW! OH...

MRS. BYRNE.

OW, OW, OW!

THIS LITTLE CHIPMUNK

SAYS HE WORKS HERE.

ISN'T THERE A MINIMUM AGE

TO BE A TEACHER?

WELL, THERE'S CERTAINLY

NO MAXIMUM.

MRS. BYRNE,

- WILL YOU PLEASE GO BACK - TO YOUR CLASS?

AAH!

THAT'S

A SUPPLY CLOSET.

- WHY ARE ALL THE LIGHTS OUT - IN MY CLASSROOM?

[CRASHING]

- SHOULDN'T YOU - BE GETTING BACK TO CLASS, TOO?

RIGHT.

- OH, COULD I GET A SPARE KEY, - THOUGH?

- YOU DON'T HAVE - YOUR KEY?

WELL, ACTUALLY, I...

- BECAUSE TEACHERS - GET A MASTER KEY

- THAT OPENS EVERY DOOR - IN THE SCHOOL.

IF YOU'VE LOST THAT KEY,

- YOU'RE GOING TO BE - THE YOUNGEST TEACHER EVER

TO BE FIRED FROM THIS SCHOOL.

LOST IT? PFFT.

I'M JUST... USING IT

TO REPLICATE

BEN FRANKLIN'S KITE EXPERIMENT.

FINE.

THE JANITOR WILL LET YOU IN.

I'LL JUST CALL DANG.

YOU CALLED?

[YOUNG AND TATER]: AAH!

HOW DID YOU GET HERE?

ON FISHING BOAT.

HIDING IN HOLLOWED-OUT CARCASS

OF MANATEE.

[♪♪]

I APPRECIATE THIS...

DANG, WAS IT?

YES. DANG.

FROM DA NANG.

SO, THEY LET YOU BE TEACHER?

OUCH. SORRY.

THEY MADE YOU A JANITOR,

WHILE BACK IN VIETNAM,

- YOU WERE PROBABLY A DOCTOR - OR A COMPUTER PROGRAMMER

OR SOMETHING.

NO. I WAS JANITOR.

AT DUNG MUSEUM.

THIS IS BIG STEP UP.

ANYWAY, NEXT TIME

YOU GET LOCKED OUT,

EASY TO GET IN.

I SHOW YOU.

DANG!

YES?

THAT WAS AMA...

ZING.

[CHUCKLES] VERY FUNNY, CLASS.

PRANK THE NEW GUY.

BUT I'M GOING

TO NEED THAT KEY... BACK.

GREAT. EVERYONE DITCHED.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

ECHO! YOU CAME BACK.

- I COULD TELL - YOU WEREN'T LIKE THE OTHERS.

I KNEW YOU WERE DIFFERENT.

I KNEW YOU WERE SPECIAL.

YEAH,

I JUST FORGOT MY BACKPACK.

[TATER:] YOU!

- NO RUNNING - IN THE HALLWAY.

YOU!

PANTS ON, MISTER.

IT'S MR. POTATO HEAD!

AND SO, CLASS,

- BENJAMIN FRANKLIN - WAS THE FIRST

- TO LABEL ELECTRICAL CHARGES - AS WHAT?

UH... ECHO?

POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE?

YOU'RE POSITIVELY RIGHT.

VERY GOOD.

OKAY...

- FRANKLIN'S EXPERIMENT - LED US

- TO COIN MANY WORDS - WE USE TODAY...

BATTERY, CONDUCTOR, DISCHARGE...

- CAN ANYONE TELL ME - WHAT DISCHARGE IS?

OH, ECHO, YOU ALWAYS ANSWER.

- LET'S GIVE - SOMEONE ELSE A CHANCE.

HOW ABOUT YOU, SLAB?

[QUIETLY] WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M WAITING, MR. SLABINSKY.

[LOW VOICE] DUH...

DISCHARGE IS DA GOOEY STUFF

DAT COME OUT OF MY NOSE.

- I LIKE TO SPREAD IT ON TOAST - AND EAT IT.

[ZIPPER UNZIPS]

I SAID PANTS ON!

[LAUGHING] THAT WAS AWESOME.

YOU WERE AWESOME!

I LOVED THE WAY...

[BELL RINGS]

OKAY.

CLASS DISMISSED.

- HEY. THANKS - FOR DITCHING MY CLASS.

- I LEFT - IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE.

I WENT HOME TO GET NANA'S FOOT.

I MEAN, WE NEED IT

- IF WE'RE GOING - TO MAKE OUR MONSTER.

WE'RE NOT MAKING A MONSTER!

[SIGHS] I NEED HELP.

- I'VE GOT TO FIND - MY KEY BEFORE...

[GIRLS SHRIEKING]

BEFORE SLAB

OPENS UP THE BIOLOGY LAB,

- STEALS ALL - THE DISSECTION FROGS,

- AND SETS THEM LOOSE - IN THE GIRLS' BATHROOM?

[FROGS CROAKING]

[IVY SHRIEKING]

HEY, IVY.

HUTCH!

HI!

[LOUD CROAKING]

WHAT... WHAT WAS THAT?

OH, THAT WAS JUST ME...

BELCHING.

I HAVE A HUGE GAS PROBLEM.

[CROAKING]

SO, YOU BUSY AFTER SCHOOL?

BASEBALL PRACTICE.

YEAH, COACH WANTS ME

TO WORK ON CATCHING FLIES.

[CROAKING]

- OKAY, WE'RE GOING TO - HAVE TO SEARCH SLAB'S LOCKER

FOR THE KEY.

IT'S LOCKED.

WELL, WE TRIED.

DON'T WORRY.

THIS ELECTROMAGNET

SHOULD GAIN US ACCESS

BY SLOWLY DRAWING THE HINGES

OUT OF THE LOCKER DOOR.

OKAY, FIRE HER UP.

[MACHINE HUMS]

WHOA!

TURN IT OFF, TURN IT OFF!

WELL, IT WORKED.

EW, GROSS!

SAID THE MAN

WHO HAS A SEVERED FOOT

IN HIS LUNCH BAG.

- THAT'S FOR SCIENCE. - WE'RE MAKING...

- WE'RE NOT MAKING - A MONSTER!

BALLET SLIPPERS?

YOU DON'T THINK SLAB...

ATE A BALLERINA?

- WHAT DO YOU THINK - YOU'RE DOING?

I KNOW THE DRILL.

YOU DO BALLET?

OF COURSE NOT!

- IT'S NOT LIKE THE REASON - I'M ANGRY ALL THE TIME

- IS BECAUSE - MY PORTLY STATURE

MEANS I'LL NEVER BE...

- [VOICE BREAKING] - THE PRINCE IN SWAN LAKE.

- LOOK, SLAB, CAN I PLEASE - JUST HAVE MY KEY BACK?

SURE.

REALLY?

YEAH.

AFTER SCHOOL.

- BUT YOU'RE GOING TO - HAVE TO RIP IT

- OUT OF MY COLD, - DEAD HANDS,

EXCEPT MY HANDS

WILL BE ALIVE STILL,

AND YOURS ARE GOING TO BE

COLD AND DEAD,

BECAUSE I'M GOING TO

MAKE YOU NOT ALIVE ANYMORE.

AND IT'S COLD OUT.

WORDY, BUT I GET THE POINT.

GREAT.

- WHAT ELSE IS THIS DAY - GOING TO THROW AT ME?

[MACHINE HUMS]

- OH, NO, I CAN'T - TURN IT OFF!

SOMEBODY, PLEASE HELP!

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

[SCREAMS]

[METAL CLINKS]

THIS IS SO COOL!

- IT'S JUST LIKE - THE TRASH COMPACTOR SCENE

FROM STAR WARS.

[SCREAMS]

[CRUNCHING]

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

- IF I TELL TATER - I'M MISSING MY KEY,

I'LL LOSE MY JOB,

- AND IF I TRY TO GET IT BACK - FROM SLAB,

I'LL LOSE MY LIFE.

QUITE THE CONUNDRUM.

WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE BUTTER?

- MAYBE I SHOULD - GROW A MOUSTACHE,

CHANGE MY NAME TO PEPE,

AND MOVE TO GUATEMALA.

- CAN YOU EVEN GROW - A MOUSTACHE?

I MEAN, FEEL THIS THING,

IT'S SO SMOOTH.

SMOOTH LIKE JAZZ.

- I LIKE THAT - NICKNAME FOR YOU...

JAZZ!

- I'M GOING TO - CALL YOU JAZZ.

WILL YOU FOCUS?

I'M IN BIG TROUBLE!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

CHILL OUT.

I GOT YOUR BACK, JAZZ.

- I'VE CALLED SOMEONE - WHO CAN HELP... DANG.

HELLO.

[TOGETHER]: AAH!

I UNDERSTAND

YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TRAINED

IN THE ART OF SELF-DEFENSE.

- LOOK, DANG, - I APPRECIATE THE OFFER,

BUT THERE'S NO POINT.

SLAB IS TWICE MY SIZE.

BUTTERFLY CAN KILL MAN

IF LAND IN RIGHT PLACE.

NO! THAT STUPID.

BUTTERFLY VERY TINY AND WEAK.

BUT YOU CAN BRING DOWN ANY FOE

WITH PRESSURE POINT.

HUP!

YOWZAMONKEYPOOP!

COOL.

- THEN, WHILE - ENEMY IS DAZED,

LEAP ON BACK

AND PULL OUT HAIR

LIKE RICE HARVEST.

[RIPPING] YAAH!

ZOWIE-OWIE-OWIE!

NICE.

AND, FINALLY,

BY GOING IN UNDER STERNUM,

- YOU CAN TEAR - OUT MAN'S HEART

AND LET HIM WATCH

ITS FINAL BEAT.

WHAT?

- I DON'T NEED - TO SHOW YOU.

IT PRETTY

SELF-EXPLANATORY.

HELLO, MR. YOUNG!

MOM?

- WHAT ARE YOU - DOING HERE?

THE SCHOOL CALLED ME.

IVY'S IN THE NURSE'S OFFICE.

IS SHE ALL RIGHT?

DOES SHE NEED

MOUTH-TO-MOUTH?

I'M SURE SHE'S FINE.

THEY JUST SAID SHE HAD

A LITTLE FROG IN HER THROAT.

[FROG CROAKING, IVY GROANING]

- WELL, I SHOULD PROBABLY - GO CHECK ON IVY.

WAIT, MOM.

I'VE BEEN THINKING...

- YOU KNOW HOW - YOU WERE KIND OF BUMMED

- WHEN I DIDN'T TAKE THAT JOB - AT NASA?

NO. I GET IT.

- YOU WANT THE - HIGH SCHOOL EXPERIENCE

YOU NEVER HAD...

HANGING OUT WITH FRIENDS,

KISSING A GIRL...

GETTING BEAT UP BY A BULLY.

EXACTLY!

I'M PROUD OF YOU.

I KNOW HOW SCARY

HIGH SCHOOL CAN BE

WHEN YOU'RE COOL

AND POPULAR.

I CAN ONLY IMAGINE

WHAT IT'S LIKE FOR YOU.

[♪♪]

MR. YOUNG?

ARE YOU CRAZY?

ECHO, PLEASE,

WHEN WE'RE NOT IN CLASS,

YOU CAN CALL ME ADAM.

OKAY. ADAM?

ARE YOU CRAZY?

- YOU NEED TO - GET OUT OF HERE.

- I CAN'T RUN AWAY. - I'M A TEACHER.

YOU'RE A KID!

I'M BOTH.

THERE HE IS!

YOU SHOWED UP.

GUESS YOU'RE NOT SO MUCH

OF A GENIUS AFTER ALL.

- COME ON, SLAB, - LOOK HOW CLOUDY IT IS.

HOW ABOUT A RAIN DELAY?

YOU LIKE RAIN?

SAY HELLO TO THUNDER AND...

UMBRELLA FITZGERALD.

OH, OOH...

COME ON. DON'T GIVE UP!

OH, THANKS, IVY.

THAT MEANS A LOT.

I WAS TALKING TO SLAB.

[SHOUTS IN FEAR]

[KIDS GROAN]

- ALL RIGHT, YOU'VE - LEFT ME NO CHOICE.

PRESSURE POINT!

HYAH!

HYAH!

HYAH...

H... HYAH?

H-HYAH?

[MOANS]

[KIDS BOO]

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

ANY LAST WORDS?

YES.

NOW!

WHAT IS THIS?

[SNIFFS] STRING?

- NOT JUST ANY STRING. - KITE STRING.

NOW, I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO

WANT TO HAND OVER MY KEY.

[LAUGHS]

YOU MEAN THIS KEY?

- NOW, WHY WOULD I WANT - TO DO THAT?

ASK BENJAMIN FRANKLIN.

OR, NEXT TIME, JUST PAY

ATTENTION IN MY CLASS.

OW! HOT KEY! HOT KEY!

DON'T HURT ME,

OH POWERFUL WIZARD!

[KIDS CHEERING]

MR.... ADAM,

YOU WERE INCREDIBLE!

- YOU KNOW, - I WONDERED

- HOW BEN FRANKLIN'S - KITE STRING

- WAS ABLE TO CONDUCT - ELECTRICITY.

NOW I REALIZE

IT'S NOT THE STRING.

IT'S THE RAIN WATER.

- THAT'S RIGHT! - YOU'RE RIGHT!

I LOVE YOU!

WHAT?

UH, I... I LOVE THAT

YOU KNEW THAT!

SCIENCE ROCKS!

[LAUGHS AWKWARDLY]

HIGH FIVE?

[♪♪]

AH, MR. YOUNG.

- I SEE YOU HAVE - YOUR KEY AFTER ALL.

OF COURSE I DO.

- I MAY BE A 14-YEAR-OLD - TEACHER,

BUT YOU HAVE NOTHING

TO WORRY ABOUT.

HELP! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

[MOANING]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[SHUFFLING FEET]

DERBY, YOU MADE A MONSTER?

MONSTER? THAT'S MY NANA.

SHE'S MAD I STOLE HER FOOT.

AHHH!