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Previously on
Two and a Half Men...
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00:00:02,057 --> 00:00:03,466
I think
we can all agree
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00:00:03,491 --> 00:00:05,822
that Charlie lived life
to its fullest
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00:00:05,847 --> 00:00:07,704
and-and gave it
everything he had.
5
00:00:07,729 --> 00:00:08,929
Gave me herpes.
6
00:00:10,868 --> 00:00:12,410
I still don't see
why we have to sell.
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00:00:12,411 --> 00:00:13,339
I mean, he left it to me.
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00:00:13,340 --> 00:00:14,591
Obviously, he wanted me
to have it.
9
00:00:14,593 --> 00:00:16,426
Can you make
the mortgage payments?
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00:00:16,428 --> 00:00:17,977
Not per say.
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00:00:17,979 --> 00:00:18,995
Are you okay?
12
00:00:18,997 --> 00:00:20,380
Yeah, I'm fine.
13
00:00:20,382 --> 00:00:23,049
I was just trying
to drown myself.
14
00:00:23,051 --> 00:00:24,267
You tried to
commit suicide?
15
00:00:24,269 --> 00:00:25,468
Yeah.
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00:00:25,470 --> 00:00:27,787
I had no idea that the water
would be that cold.
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00:00:27,789 --> 00:00:30,390
I have been
where you are.
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00:00:30,392 --> 00:00:33,476
Uh, rejected,
friendless, broke.
19
00:00:33,478 --> 00:00:34,477
I'm not broke.
20
00:00:34,479 --> 00:00:36,196
I'm worth, like,
a billion dollars.
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00:00:36,198 --> 00:00:38,681
Beg pardon?
22
00:00:38,683 --> 00:00:39,799
I just went to one funeral,
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I don't want to be
involved in another one.
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00:00:41,403 --> 00:00:45,371
Why don't you and I go out
and have a drink and talk?
25
00:00:45,373 --> 00:00:46,322
About what?
26
00:00:46,324 --> 00:00:47,740
Why somebody would want
27
00:00:47,742 --> 00:00:50,343
to kill themselves when they
have a billion freakin' dollars.
28
00:00:50,345 --> 00:00:52,228
My...
29
00:00:53,497 --> 00:00:56,666
wife dumped me,
and I want to die.
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00:00:56,668 --> 00:00:58,835
I don't know
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00:00:58,837 --> 00:01:03,590
if I can ever love anyone
the way that I love her.
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00:01:03,592 --> 00:01:06,059
Oh, it'll be okay.
33
00:01:11,065 --> 00:01:14,334
Oh, God,
I miss my wife!
34
00:01:14,336 --> 00:01:15,435
Guess what.
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00:01:15,437 --> 00:01:17,820
I had sex
with two girls last night.
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00:01:17,822 --> 00:01:21,524
Great. Um, I masturbated
and cried myself to sleep.
37
00:01:21,526 --> 00:01:23,826
I like my night better.
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00:01:23,828 --> 00:01:27,196
Hey, I dig your house,
so I'm gonna buy it, okay?
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00:01:27,198 --> 00:01:28,731
O-Okay.
40
00:01:28,733 --> 00:01:29,749
You're the best.
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00:01:29,751 --> 00:01:31,184
Oh. Ugh.
42
00:01:31,702 --> 00:01:33,503
Whoa.
43
00:01:36,590 --> 00:01:38,925
Um, this is Walden.
44
00:01:40,094 --> 00:01:43,129
He's gonna buy
the house.
45
00:01:43,131 --> 00:01:46,599
Welcome to
my humble abode.
46
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:51,921
♪ Men. ♪
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00:01:51,923 --> 00:01:53,906
So, what do think?
48
00:01:53,908 --> 00:01:55,475
Will you stay on?
49
00:01:55,477 --> 00:01:57,593
I'd consider it,
if the price is right.
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00:01:57,595 --> 00:01:59,529
I'd also considersmothering you
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00:01:59,531 --> 00:02:01,597
with my sweet, sweet loving.
52
00:02:01,599 --> 00:02:03,683
Well, money is not an issue.
53
00:02:03,685 --> 00:02:04,701
Good to know.
54
00:02:04,703 --> 00:02:07,537
Ka-ching.
55
00:02:07,539 --> 00:02:08,705
What's down here?
56
00:02:08,707 --> 00:02:09,706
Ice.
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00:02:09,708 --> 00:02:12,108
Mm. I like it better on top.
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00:02:12,110 --> 00:02:15,328
Me, too, puppy.
59
00:02:15,330 --> 00:02:16,746
Anyway, what I
really need is
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00:02:16,748 --> 00:02:18,831
a housekeeper who's gonna
be here all the time.
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00:02:18,833 --> 00:02:23,136
'Cause, you know, I'm not very
good at king care of myself.
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00:02:23,138 --> 00:02:25,121
Oh, I can take care of you.
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00:02:25,123 --> 00:02:28,207
Oh, I cantake care of you.
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00:02:28,209 --> 00:02:29,959
Well, my car's all packed.
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00:02:29,961 --> 00:02:31,427
I guess I'm ready to go.
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00:02:31,429 --> 00:02:32,812
Great news, Alan.
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00:02:32,814 --> 00:02:35,598
Berta has agreed to be
my live-in housekeeper.
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00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:36,432
Really?
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00:02:36,434 --> 00:02:38,467
Yeah, he talked me into it.
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00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:42,138
I wonder what his sweattastes like.
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00:02:42,140 --> 00:02:43,656
Well, that is good news.
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00:02:43,658 --> 00:02:45,992
Uh, here are
a couple of sets of keys,
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00:02:45,994 --> 00:02:47,327
remotes for the garage,
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00:02:47,329 --> 00:02:49,195
and remember,
garbage pickup is on Tuesday.
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00:02:49,197 --> 00:02:50,947
Oh, you take care
of the garbage, right?
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00:02:50,949 --> 00:02:52,231
Nope.
77
00:02:53,267 --> 00:02:56,686
Well, uh, guess it's time
for me to go.
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00:02:57,538 --> 00:02:59,339
Wait. Come here.
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00:02:59,341 --> 00:03:00,673
Give us a hug good-bye.
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00:03:00,675 --> 00:03:01,958
Seriously?
81
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:03,209
Come on, Alan.
82
00:03:03,211 --> 00:03:05,595
Despite everything, you and me
have been like family.
83
00:03:05,597 --> 00:03:07,630
Uh, I guess.
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00:03:08,850 --> 00:03:11,751
I'm taking
your room, Zippy.
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00:03:13,454 --> 00:03:14,754
Of course you are.
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00:03:14,756 --> 00:03:17,140
Well, see ya.
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00:03:17,142 --> 00:03:20,293
I'll walk you out.
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00:03:22,029 --> 00:03:25,347
I could bite that asslike an apple.
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00:03:25,349 --> 00:03:27,900
Well, I hope you'll be
very happy here, Walden.
90
00:03:27,902 --> 00:03:29,902
Thank you. I don't
know if I can be
91
00:03:29,904 --> 00:03:31,437
happy anywhere
without my wife.
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00:03:31,439 --> 00:03:33,373
Oh, come on,
you're young, you're rich,
93
00:03:33,375 --> 00:03:36,659
and you've got a face
that gives women an erection.
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00:03:39,046 --> 00:03:40,362
What about love?
95
00:03:40,364 --> 00:03:41,764
What about commitment?
96
00:03:41,766 --> 00:03:45,218
What about spending a lifetime
with your spiritual soul mate?
97
00:03:45,220 --> 00:03:46,702
Hey, look, a peephole!
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00:03:48,722 --> 00:03:51,207
Hello!
99
00:03:51,209 --> 00:03:54,143
Man, I love peepholes.
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00:03:54,145 --> 00:03:56,763
Well, you know what they say.
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00:03:56,765 --> 00:03:58,898
People who love peepholes...
102
00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:03,152
are the luckiest people
in the world.
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00:04:05,272 --> 00:04:06,739
Okay, good luck.
104
00:04:06,741 --> 00:04:12,161
Hey, thank you
for all your help and advice.
105
00:04:12,163 --> 00:04:13,413
Oh, you're welcome.
106
00:04:13,415 --> 00:04:15,665
Uh, and if you ever need
a friend to talk to man-to-man,
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00:04:15,667 --> 00:04:16,783
you know where to find me.
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00:04:16,785 --> 00:04:18,334
Your mommy's.
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00:04:18,336 --> 00:04:20,319
Only temporarily.
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00:04:23,157 --> 00:04:24,123
Okay.
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00:04:24,125 --> 00:04:27,543
Well, uh, if I left
anything here,
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00:04:27,545 --> 00:04:30,546
feel free to, you know, keep it,
throw it away, whatever.
113
00:04:30,548 --> 00:04:32,432
Great. Bye.
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00:04:32,434 --> 00:04:34,750
Bye.
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00:04:38,539 --> 00:04:40,773
Bye!
116
00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:47,780
Okay, Walden Schmidt.
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It is time to start your new
life as a single man in Malibu.
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Hello?
119
00:04:59,994 --> 00:05:02,128
Dad?
120
00:05:04,665 --> 00:05:07,500
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
121
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♪ Ah. ♪
♪ Men. ♪
122
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♪ Two and a Half Men 9x02 ♪
People Who Love Peepholes
Original Air Date on September 26, 2011
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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♪ Men. ♪
125
00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:18,483
Why are you
unpacking?
126
00:05:19,669 --> 00:05:21,302
Because you told me
I could stay here.
127
00:05:21,303 --> 00:05:22,702
Temporarily.
128
00:05:22,704 --> 00:05:25,021
Yeah, a few days,
a couple of weeks,
129
00:05:25,023 --> 00:05:26,790
a month, tops.
130
00:05:26,792 --> 00:05:28,358
Yeah, right.
131
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:30,994
Why can't you just stay
with your girlfriend?
132
00:05:30,996 --> 00:05:33,380
Oh, oh, this isn't a very good
time for Lyndsey and I
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00:05:33,382 --> 00:05:34,497
to be moving in together.
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00:05:34,499 --> 00:05:35,298
Why not?
135
00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:36,499
Well, she's going through
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00:05:36,501 --> 00:05:38,552
one of those phases where,
uh, the very touch of me
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00:05:38,554 --> 00:05:39,669
fills her with revulsion.
138
00:05:39,671 --> 00:05:40,921
Um...
139
00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:43,039
I-I'm thinking
it's premenopause.
140
00:05:43,041 --> 00:05:45,809
Yes, I'm sure that's why.
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00:05:45,811 --> 00:05:47,093
Well, just so you know,
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00:05:47,095 --> 00:05:49,312
I'm not putting my life on hold
while you're here.
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00:05:49,314 --> 00:05:50,981
Oh, and I wouldn't
expect you to.
144
00:05:50,983 --> 00:05:52,315
Just go on with your life.
145
00:05:52,317 --> 00:05:54,818
Do whatever it is you would do,
as if I weren't here.
146
00:05:54,820 --> 00:05:56,069
Well, I have a date tonight.
147
00:05:56,071 --> 00:05:57,387
Oh, great.
148
00:05:57,389 --> 00:05:59,906
We'll probably
wind up having sex.
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00:05:59,908 --> 00:06:01,575
Sure.
150
00:06:01,577 --> 00:06:02,909
Rough sex.
151
00:06:04,412 --> 00:06:06,062
Right.
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00:06:06,064 --> 00:06:08,064
So, stay away from my bedroom.
153
00:06:08,066 --> 00:06:09,232
No problem.
154
00:06:09,234 --> 00:06:11,067
Even if you hear me screaming.
155
00:06:11,069 --> 00:06:12,953
Especially if I hear you
screaming.
156
00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:16,423
Unless I'm repeatedly
screaming "umbrella."
157
00:06:16,425 --> 00:06:17,907
U-Umbrella?
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00:06:17,909 --> 00:06:19,409
That's my safe word.
159
00:06:19,411 --> 00:06:23,179
Sometimes they can't hear it
through the leather mask.
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00:06:25,933 --> 00:06:29,252
Most moms would've stopped with
"I have a date tonight."
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♪ Men. ♪
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00:06:32,891 --> 00:06:34,908
Hey, Bridge, it's me again.
163
00:06:34,910 --> 00:06:37,477
What is the name of
that shampoo that I use
164
00:06:37,479 --> 00:06:39,929
that doesn't sting my eyes?
165
00:06:39,931 --> 00:06:41,931
Baby shampoo?
166
00:06:43,267 --> 00:06:44,934
Where do I get it?
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00:06:46,770 --> 00:06:48,822
Any supermarket.
168
00:06:48,824 --> 00:06:52,108
That is remarkably convenient.
169
00:06:52,110 --> 00:06:54,794
Oh, uh, while I have you
on the phone,
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00:06:54,796 --> 00:06:56,612
will you take me back?
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00:06:58,282 --> 00:07:02,085
Wow, it's like "no"
is your favorite word now.
172
00:07:02,087 --> 00:07:03,953
Okay, whoa, don't hang up,
don't hang up.
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00:07:03,955 --> 00:07:06,723
Hey, uh, what is
the toilet paper that we use?
174
00:07:06,725 --> 00:07:10,744
You know, the stuff that's
soft on my tushy like a cloud.
175
00:07:12,563 --> 00:07:14,648
You grow up.
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00:07:16,484 --> 00:07:18,151
H-Hello?
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00:07:23,658 --> 00:07:26,142
Hey, Berta, will you
run to the supermarket
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00:07:26,144 --> 00:07:28,244
and get me baby shampoo?
Sure.
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00:07:28,246 --> 00:07:31,831
Then I'll sit in the tubwith you and wash your hair.
180
00:07:31,833 --> 00:07:33,967
Oh, Berta.
181
00:07:35,286 --> 00:07:37,170
I miss her so much.
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00:07:37,172 --> 00:07:38,505
Oh, hey.
183
00:07:38,507 --> 00:07:41,174
Hey, everything's
gonna be all right.
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00:07:41,176 --> 00:07:42,926
Just wait and see.
185
00:07:42,928 --> 00:07:46,629
I've never felt
so bad in my life.
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00:07:48,466 --> 00:07:51,134
And I never felt so good.
187
00:07:54,638 --> 00:07:56,156
Don't!
188
00:07:57,341 --> 00:07:59,225
Stop!
189
00:08:01,028 --> 00:08:03,563
Don't!
190
00:08:03,565 --> 00:08:05,899
Stop!
191
00:08:05,901 --> 00:08:07,233
What are you doing?
192
00:08:07,235 --> 00:08:08,985
I said don't stop!
193
00:08:10,404 --> 00:08:13,022
I should be on the roof
with a rifle.
194
00:08:16,527 --> 00:08:18,878
- Oh. Hey, Walden.
- Hey.
195
00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:21,030
Uh, you left some books
in your room.
196
00:08:21,032 --> 00:08:22,332
Oh, thank you.
197
00:08:22,334 --> 00:08:24,534
Um, you didn't have to
drive all the way over here.
198
00:08:24,536 --> 00:08:26,336
Is it really possible
to hypnotize a woman
199
00:08:26,338 --> 00:08:27,554
and make her your slave?
200
00:08:27,556 --> 00:08:29,372
Oh.
201
00:08:29,374 --> 00:08:31,641
That was a, that was a
gag gift for my birthday.
202
00:08:32,844 --> 00:08:35,228
What about Ten Minutes a Dayto Incredible Wealth?
203
00:08:35,230 --> 00:08:37,564
Oh, good, that's
my poop book.
204
00:08:41,435 --> 00:08:43,269
Um, I'd invite you in,
205
00:08:43,271 --> 00:08:45,905
but my mom doesn't let
me have friends over.
206
00:08:45,907 --> 00:08:47,073
That's cool.
207
00:08:47,075 --> 00:08:49,725
Mm.
208
00:08:49,727 --> 00:08:51,911
You want to go out
and maybe do something?
209
00:08:51,913 --> 00:08:53,530
What do you
have in mind?
210
00:08:53,532 --> 00:08:55,081
Umbrella!
211
00:08:55,083 --> 00:08:56,199
Doesn't matter,
let's go.
212
00:08:56,201 --> 00:08:58,401
Umbrella!
Umbrella! Umbr...
213
00:09:02,039 --> 00:09:03,673
Nice car.
214
00:09:03,675 --> 00:09:04,758
What is it?
215
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:06,576
It's an
electric Fisker.
216
00:09:06,578 --> 00:09:08,461
State-of-the-art
lithium ion technology
217
00:09:08,463 --> 00:09:10,597
supplemented with a
turbo-charged engine.
218
00:09:10,599 --> 00:09:11,881
Solar panels
on the roof.
219
00:09:11,883 --> 00:09:12,882
Oh, blue Volkswagen.
220
00:09:12,884 --> 00:09:14,067
Punchbug!
221
00:09:15,853 --> 00:09:18,271
So, how much does
something like this cost?
222
00:09:18,273 --> 00:09:19,922
About a hundred grand.
223
00:09:19,924 --> 00:09:21,257
It's great for the environment.
224
00:09:21,259 --> 00:09:23,526
I don't know why anyone
would drive anything else.
225
00:09:23,528 --> 00:09:26,529
Speaking for myself,
bone-crushing poverty
226
00:09:26,531 --> 00:09:28,815
is something of
a stumbling block.
227
00:09:28,817 --> 00:09:30,400
Maybe you could lease.
228
00:09:31,768 --> 00:09:34,454
I got a confession
to make, Alan.
229
00:09:34,456 --> 00:09:35,572
Me, too.
230
00:09:35,574 --> 00:09:38,575
The hypnotism book
wasn't really a gift.
231
00:09:38,577 --> 00:09:41,795
I really came over because...
232
00:09:41,797 --> 00:09:43,713
I was kind of lonely.
233
00:09:43,715 --> 00:09:45,048
Oh, sure, sure.
234
00:09:45,050 --> 00:09:46,166
I been there.
235
00:09:46,168 --> 00:09:47,550
A lot.
236
00:09:47,552 --> 00:09:49,285
In fact, I'm there now.
237
00:09:49,287 --> 00:09:51,087
I've never really spent
much time alone.
238
00:09:51,089 --> 00:09:52,839
I've been with Bridget
since high school.
239
00:09:52,841 --> 00:09:55,425
Mm. High school sweethearts.
240
00:09:55,427 --> 00:09:56,843
When I was in high school,
241
00:09:56,845 --> 00:09:59,345
I was dating a poster
of Molly Ringwald.
242
00:10:01,098 --> 00:10:03,433
You know, back then,
she was crazy in love with me.
243
00:10:03,435 --> 00:10:05,318
I didn't even have
any money then.
244
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:07,187
Oh, I'm sure
she still loves you.
245
00:10:07,189 --> 00:10:09,305
No.
246
00:10:09,307 --> 00:10:11,658
She's changed.
247
00:10:11,660 --> 00:10:13,943
Her heart has become
cold and angry.
248
00:10:13,945 --> 00:10:17,113
Um, you're starting to go
a little fast there, buddy.
249
00:10:18,416 --> 00:10:20,416
I mean, who just wakes up
one day and all of a sudden
250
00:10:20,418 --> 00:10:21,651
decides they don't want
to be married anymore?
251
00:10:21,653 --> 00:10:24,037
Uh, well, actually,
it only seems that way.
252
00:10:24,039 --> 00:10:25,321
In my experience,
253
00:10:25,323 --> 00:10:27,707
they've been mulling it over
for quite a while.
254
00:10:27,709 --> 00:10:30,877
Uh, you know, the speed limit
is 35, and you're going,
255
00:10:30,879 --> 00:10:32,328
oh, oh, 80.
256
00:10:33,932 --> 00:10:35,715
I mean, what ever happened
to till death do us part?
257
00:10:35,717 --> 00:10:36,883
Yeah, who died?
258
00:10:36,885 --> 00:10:38,051
Not you, not her.
259
00:10:38,053 --> 00:10:39,686
Oh, good golly, 95.
260
00:10:40,722 --> 00:10:41,938
Whoa! Whoa!
261
00:10:41,940 --> 00:10:43,556
This thing really
takes the corners.
262
00:10:43,558 --> 00:10:45,558
I love her, Alan,
and I want her back.
263
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:46,559
Well, I know you do.
264
00:10:46,561 --> 00:10:47,861
Oh, 103, Walden, 103.
265
00:10:47,863 --> 00:10:50,563
Life is not worth
living without Bridget!
266
00:10:50,565 --> 00:10:51,948
Truck, truck, truck!
267
00:10:51,950 --> 00:10:54,183
It hurts so much, I
can't take it anymore!
268
00:10:54,185 --> 00:10:55,568
Umbrella!
269
00:10:55,570 --> 00:10:56,803
♪ Men. ♪
270
00:11:01,218 --> 00:11:04,020
I'm sorry I scared youby driving so fast.
271
00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:06,857
That's okay.
272
00:11:06,859 --> 00:11:10,377
I'm sorry I peed a little
on your seat.
273
00:11:11,763 --> 00:11:13,753
Where are we?
274
00:11:13,754 --> 00:11:15,187
We're going
to my house.
275
00:11:15,189 --> 00:11:17,133
I got to talk Bridget
into taking me back.
276
00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:18,083
Oh, no.
277
00:11:18,085 --> 00:11:19,551
No, no, bad idea.
278
00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:21,970
When a woman says she doesn't
want you, begging does not help.
279
00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:24,089
And I say this having spent
more time on my knees
280
00:11:24,091 --> 00:11:25,590
than any straight man
in America.
281
00:11:25,592 --> 00:11:28,476
What is this,
a gated community?
282
00:11:28,478 --> 00:11:31,179
No, it's just
my house.
283
00:11:31,181 --> 00:11:32,180
Wow.
284
00:11:32,182 --> 00:11:33,681
Instead of going
to chiropractor school,
285
00:11:33,683 --> 00:11:35,216
I should have
married a billionaire.
286
00:11:35,218 --> 00:11:37,435
Next time,
you'll know.
287
00:11:39,772 --> 00:11:41,573
What are you doing here, Walden?
288
00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:43,575
I just want to talk to you.
289
00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:45,410
Go away or I'll call the police!
290
00:11:45,412 --> 00:11:47,328
"Go away
or I'll call the police."
291
00:11:47,330 --> 00:11:49,397
Man, that takes me back.
292
00:11:49,399 --> 00:11:52,066
Um, what do you say
I drive us home?
293
00:11:52,068 --> 00:11:53,168
How about that?
294
00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:54,586
I'm not giving up that easy.
295
00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:56,004
Oh, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
296
00:11:56,006 --> 00:11:57,122
W-Where...?
297
00:11:57,124 --> 00:11:59,174
You heard what she said
about the police, right?
298
00:11:59,176 --> 00:12:01,409
I'm going to get my wife back.
Come on.
299
00:12:01,411 --> 00:12:03,077
Come on?
What's my part in this?
300
00:12:03,079 --> 00:12:05,013
I need you to help me
over the gate.
301
00:12:05,015 --> 00:12:06,014
O-Okay.
302
00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:08,016
Again, voice of experience here.
303
00:12:08,018 --> 00:12:11,469
Criminal trespass usually ends
with her dating the cop.
304
00:12:11,471 --> 00:12:13,471
Will you just come on.
305
00:12:16,393 --> 00:12:17,758
Here, give me a hand.
306
00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:20,195
Here, let me go.
I'm going this way.
307
00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:21,863
I got it.
I got it.
308
00:12:22,782 --> 00:12:23,982
Okay, okay.
I got it.
309
00:12:23,984 --> 00:12:26,651
Good luck.
310
00:12:26,653 --> 00:12:27,935
Come on.
311
00:12:27,937 --> 00:12:30,438
Again, come on?
312
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:32,457
I may need your help
getting in a window.
313
00:12:32,459 --> 00:12:33,825
Oh, terrific.
314
00:12:33,827 --> 00:12:35,577
Now I'm Spider-Man.
315
00:12:37,379 --> 00:12:38,746
I got you.
316
00:12:42,001 --> 00:12:44,802
Walden, do not make me
turn that gate on.
317
00:12:44,804 --> 00:12:46,888
W-What does that mean?
318
00:12:46,890 --> 00:12:48,139
Turn the gate on?
319
00:12:48,141 --> 00:12:49,958
Don't worry, she's bluffing.
320
00:13:04,990 --> 00:13:08,309
I still have
a buzzing in my ears.
321
00:13:08,311 --> 00:13:11,696
I can't hear you, I have
a buzzing in my ears.
322
00:13:11,698 --> 00:13:14,365
God, Walden, what
is wrong with you?
323
00:13:14,367 --> 00:13:18,419
Well, if loving you
is wrong, then...
324
00:13:18,421 --> 00:13:20,655
I am wrong.
325
00:13:20,657 --> 00:13:22,340
It's true.
326
00:13:22,342 --> 00:13:24,292
He talks about you all the time.
327
00:13:25,629 --> 00:13:27,795
Okay, I expect
this kind of thing from him;
328
00:13:27,797 --> 00:13:29,847
he has the emotional maturity
of a 12-year-old.
329
00:13:29,849 --> 00:13:31,115
What's your excuse?
330
00:13:31,117 --> 00:13:33,218
Uh, I live at my mom's,
and she's having
331
00:13:33,220 --> 00:13:36,487
rough sex with a stranger, and
I had to get out of the house.
332
00:13:38,107 --> 00:13:42,193
Honey, I just don't understand
why we can't work things out.
333
00:13:42,195 --> 00:13:44,312
Okay, I'll tell you again.
334
00:13:44,314 --> 00:13:46,314
Oh, this part
is never good.
335
00:13:46,316 --> 00:13:49,150
I'm tired of living
with a child.
336
00:13:49,152 --> 00:13:52,103
I'm tired of being
more of a mother than a wife.
337
00:13:52,105 --> 00:13:53,571
Whoa, oh,
whoa, whoa.
338
00:13:53,573 --> 00:13:55,823
You are not more of
a mother than a wife.
339
00:13:55,825 --> 00:13:57,314
Really? Who picks out
your clothes?
340
00:13:57,339 --> 00:13:58,410
You.
341
00:13:58,411 --> 00:13:59,622
Who tells you
when to go to sleep?
342
00:13:59,647 --> 00:14:00,847
You.
343
00:14:00,964 --> 00:14:02,830
Who does all the cooking
and cleaning around here?
344
00:14:02,832 --> 00:14:04,699
The cooking and the
cleaning ladies.
345
00:14:04,701 --> 00:14:05,866
Before we were rich!
346
00:14:05,868 --> 00:14:08,086
You.
347
00:14:08,088 --> 00:14:11,422
Look, Walden, you're a sweet guy
348
00:14:11,424 --> 00:14:13,841
and I'll always love you,
349
00:14:13,843 --> 00:14:16,261
but I can't live
with Peter Pan anymore.
350
00:14:16,263 --> 00:14:18,646
Uh, now, now,
to be fair,
351
00:14:18,648 --> 00:14:20,881
uh, Peter Pan
didn't want to grow up.
352
00:14:20,883 --> 00:14:24,402
Uh, from what I understand,
Walden's just never had to.
353
00:14:25,487 --> 00:14:27,772
Sorry.
354
00:14:27,774 --> 00:14:31,892
Seemed important
up here.
355
00:14:31,894 --> 00:14:35,530
Down here,
not so much.
356
00:14:37,166 --> 00:14:40,034
Bridget, believe
me, I can grow up.
357
00:14:40,036 --> 00:14:41,202
Oh, please.
358
00:14:41,204 --> 00:14:43,070
At least give me
a chance to try.
359
00:14:45,592 --> 00:14:47,625
I gave you 15 years.
360
00:14:47,627 --> 00:14:49,460
It's over!
361
00:14:49,462 --> 00:14:51,679
Okay.
362
00:14:53,132 --> 00:14:54,515
Can I at least play
363
00:14:54,517 --> 00:14:56,467
a little Donkey Kong
with Alan before I go?
364
00:14:56,469 --> 00:14:57,552
Are you insane?!
365
00:14:57,554 --> 00:14:58,553
Get out!
366
00:14:58,555 --> 00:15:00,438
Oh, yeah, fine,
I'm insane!
367
00:15:01,474 --> 00:15:03,558
Come on, Alan!
368
00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:06,444
Thank you for the water
and the...
369
00:15:08,197 --> 00:15:10,531
Hold on.
370
00:15:13,036 --> 00:15:14,552
Let's go.
371
00:15:21,293 --> 00:15:24,462
Where does she get off
calling me a child?
372
00:15:24,464 --> 00:15:27,548
Um, you seem a little upset;
maybe I should drive us. Um...
373
00:15:27,550 --> 00:15:29,334
She is a stupid-head.
374
00:15:29,336 --> 00:15:31,002
Oh, oh, white Volkswagen.
Huh?
375
00:15:31,004 --> 00:15:32,503
Huh? Come on.
376
00:15:34,340 --> 00:15:35,673
Oh, wait, wait,
I've got an idea.
377
00:15:35,675 --> 00:15:37,792
Why don't we stop,
have a drink and talk about it.
378
00:15:37,794 --> 00:15:39,677
Drinking is not the answer.
379
00:15:39,679 --> 00:15:43,130
No, stopping is the answer!
380
00:15:45,351 --> 00:15:48,135
Oh, dear God,
where is that toilet paper?!
381
00:16:27,509 --> 00:16:29,477
Oh, boy.
382
00:16:34,650 --> 00:16:36,851
Alan?
383
00:16:36,853 --> 00:16:39,821
Yeah?
384
00:16:39,823 --> 00:16:42,990
Why are you
lying on top of me?
385
00:16:42,992 --> 00:16:46,210
'Cause I didn't want
to be on the bottom?
386
00:16:49,965 --> 00:16:52,066
I think we're naked.
387
00:16:52,068 --> 00:16:55,202
Yeah. You can ignore
what's going on down there.
388
00:16:56,922 --> 00:16:59,173
That was a
morning reflex.
389
00:17:00,809 --> 00:17:02,844
Could you get it
off of me, please?
390
00:17:02,846 --> 00:17:05,763
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
391
00:17:10,185 --> 00:17:11,652
Do you remember anything?
392
00:17:11,654 --> 00:17:12,937
Uh...
393
00:17:12,939 --> 00:17:16,390
we went to a liquor store,
and then we came back here.
394
00:17:18,227 --> 00:17:20,227
Then we went
skinny dipping.
395
00:17:20,229 --> 00:17:21,279
Right, right.
396
00:17:21,281 --> 00:17:23,281
Whose idea was that?
397
00:17:23,283 --> 00:17:24,782
Mine.
398
00:17:24,784 --> 00:17:27,351
Shh.
399
00:17:30,422 --> 00:17:32,490
♪ Men. ♪
400
00:17:33,959 --> 00:17:36,627
Okay, your pants
are clean.
401
00:17:36,629 --> 00:17:38,379
Thank you.
402
00:17:38,381 --> 00:17:41,599
adult diapers.
403
00:17:41,601 --> 00:17:44,435
Look, Walden was driving
ridiculously fast,
404
00:17:44,437 --> 00:17:46,187
and-and I have
a nervous bladder.
405
00:17:46,189 --> 00:17:47,305
Save it, Zippy.
406
00:17:47,307 --> 00:17:50,241
This is not my first
pee stain rodeo with you.
407
00:17:54,730 --> 00:17:55,947
Hi. Is Charlie here?
408
00:17:55,949 --> 00:17:57,732
Oh, God, another one.
409
00:17:57,734 --> 00:18:00,651
You deal with it.
410
00:18:00,653 --> 00:18:03,120
Um, hi.
I'm-I'm Charlie's brother Alan.
411
00:18:03,122 --> 00:18:04,121
I'm Penelope.
412
00:18:04,123 --> 00:18:05,289
Is he here?
413
00:18:05,291 --> 00:18:08,292
Uh, maybe you better sit down.
414
00:18:08,294 --> 00:18:10,110
Is-Is everything okay?
415
00:18:10,112 --> 00:18:12,296
Um, no.
416
00:18:12,298 --> 00:18:15,950
Penelope, the-the thing is,
uh, Charlie passed away.
417
00:18:15,952 --> 00:18:17,502
What?
418
00:18:17,504 --> 00:18:19,253
It was very sudden.
419
00:18:19,255 --> 00:18:21,055
Oh, my God.
420
00:18:21,057 --> 00:18:23,140
I'm sorry, he was just
such a terrific guy.
421
00:18:23,142 --> 00:18:24,559
I can't believe he's gone.
422
00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:26,911
Hey, what's going on?
423
00:18:26,913 --> 00:18:30,014
Hello, I'm Penelope.
424
00:18:30,016 --> 00:18:32,350
Hi. I'm Walden.
425
00:18:32,352 --> 00:18:33,684
What are you crying about?
426
00:18:33,686 --> 00:18:35,586
I have no idea.
427
00:18:35,588 --> 00:18:38,189
Don't worry about me,
I'll let myself out.
428
00:18:39,024 --> 00:18:40,191
You smell good.
429
00:18:40,193 --> 00:18:42,944
Oh, thank you.
It's baby shampoo.
430
00:18:42,946 --> 00:18:44,712
"What are you crying about?"
431
00:18:44,714 --> 00:18:47,031
"I have no idea."
432
00:18:49,150 --> 00:18:51,669
Oh, Bridget. Hi.
433
00:18:51,671 --> 00:18:52,920
Hi.
434
00:18:52,922 --> 00:18:54,321
I came to talk to Walden.
435
00:18:54,323 --> 00:18:55,206
Really?
436
00:18:55,208 --> 00:18:56,207
Yeah, I think maybe
437
00:18:56,209 --> 00:18:57,959
I've been a little
hard on him.
438
00:18:57,961 --> 00:19:00,511
Well, um...
439
00:19:00,513 --> 00:19:01,512
Bridget?
440
00:19:01,514 --> 00:19:03,264
Hey.
441
00:19:03,266 --> 00:19:04,615
Walden?
442
00:19:04,617 --> 00:19:06,517
Look who came
to talk to you, Walden.
443
00:19:06,519 --> 00:19:07,518
Your wife.
444
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:09,186
You're married?
445
00:19:09,188 --> 00:19:10,471
Oh, yeah, long time married.
446
00:19:10,473 --> 00:19:11,505
Uh, they just met.
447
00:19:11,507 --> 00:19:13,190
This is Penelope, my girlfriend.
448
00:19:13,192 --> 00:19:15,393
What?
Shut up and walk.
449
00:19:17,946 --> 00:19:19,130
I'm-I'm glad you came.
450
00:19:19,132 --> 00:19:20,565
Come, sit-sit down.
451
00:19:20,567 --> 00:19:22,984
When I saw you with that girl,
452
00:19:22,986 --> 00:19:24,986
I thought that maybe
she was with you.
453
00:19:26,188 --> 00:19:27,822
You're kidding, right?
454
00:19:27,824 --> 00:19:29,991
I mean, come on,
Alan's the ladies' man.
455
00:19:29,993 --> 00:19:31,208
He's a total
pickup artist.
456
00:19:31,210 --> 00:19:32,359
Come on!
457
00:19:32,361 --> 00:19:34,629
Charlie's dead,
Walden's married,
458
00:19:34,631 --> 00:19:37,498
what's wrong
with me?!
459
00:19:38,300 --> 00:19:40,468
♪ Men. ♪
460
00:19:43,146 --> 00:19:44,397
♪ Men. ♪
461
00:19:44,399 --> 00:19:45,481
So, I was thinking
462
00:19:45,483 --> 00:19:47,116
we could go out to
dinner sometime.
463
00:19:47,118 --> 00:19:49,235
Let me prove that
I can change.
464
00:19:49,237 --> 00:19:50,503
I can be a grown-up.
465
00:19:50,505 --> 00:19:52,471
I guess I owe you
that much.
466
00:19:52,473 --> 00:19:54,840
Sweet!
467
00:19:55,876 --> 00:19:57,943
Sorry to interrupt.
468
00:19:57,945 --> 00:20:00,529
I was just on a little jog
with my lady.
469
00:20:00,531 --> 00:20:02,248
Uh, I'll, uh,
470
00:20:02,250 --> 00:20:03,582
get out of your way.
471
00:20:03,584 --> 00:20:05,217
Uh, hold on.
472
00:20:05,219 --> 00:20:08,220
I'm-I'm going to say
good-bye to my guest,
473
00:20:08,222 --> 00:20:11,007
because that's the grown-up
thing to do, right?
474
00:20:17,597 --> 00:20:19,065
Alan, thank you.
475
00:20:19,067 --> 00:20:20,716
You saved my
butt back there.
476
00:20:20,718 --> 00:20:22,685
Oh, I'm glad
things are working out.
477
00:20:22,687 --> 00:20:23,736
I owe you big-time.
478
00:20:23,738 --> 00:20:25,187
If there's anything
that you need,
479
00:20:25,189 --> 00:20:27,957
any way I can help you,
you just let me know.
480
00:20:29,743 --> 00:20:34,447
Well, since you mention it,
you could do me a little favor.
481
00:20:34,449 --> 00:20:35,414
Name it.
482
00:20:35,416 --> 00:20:37,033
Well, really uncomfortable
483
00:20:37,035 --> 00:20:38,167
living at my mom's.
484
00:20:38,169 --> 00:20:40,619
Um, do you think I could
stay here for a few days
485
00:20:40,621 --> 00:20:41,904
till I find my own place?
486
00:20:41,906 --> 00:20:43,172
No problem.
487
00:20:43,174 --> 00:20:45,074
Few days, couple weeks.
488
00:20:45,076 --> 00:20:46,092
Yeah, done.
489
00:20:46,094 --> 00:20:48,410
Month, tops.
490
00:20:48,412 --> 00:20:49,879
Whatever.
491
00:20:49,881 --> 00:20:51,246
Great, great. Thanks.
492
00:20:51,248 --> 00:20:52,631
And, uh, and don't worry,
493
00:20:52,633 --> 00:20:54,350
I'm not one
to overstay my welcome.
494
00:20:54,352 --> 00:20:55,551
Cool.
495
00:20:59,339 --> 00:21:00,673
I'm back.
496
00:21:00,675 --> 00:21:04,675
== sync, corrected by elderman ==33286
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