Original subtitles

Robert Anton Wilson said,

"In order to eat, you have to be hungry.

In order to learn, you have to be ignorant.

Ignorance is a condition of learning.

♪ Spin my tires ♪

♪ Start my fires ♪

♪ I will wade on through... ♪

Pain is a condition of health.

♪ Castle red ♪

♪ I'll be dead ♪

♪ Long before you... ♪

Passion is condition of thought.

♪ I will die a poor man ♪

♪ Covered in dust ♪

♪ Dreaming of you... ♪

Death is a condition of life."

That was my mom's favorite poem.

To be honest, I never understood it until now.

But I think it's about balance,

like... when life gives you something sour,

having the patience to wait for the sweet.

Because it is coming.

I think.

I hope.

But right now, things are still feeling pretty raw.

♪ I will die a poor man ♪

...E-X-C-E...

Fissilingual.

F-I-S-S-I-L-I-N-G-U-A-L.

Are you okay?

It's Mom, sweetie.

Are you okay?

Just breathe, baby. Just breathe.

I am breathing, Mom. Get off my back!

♪ They got my blood up in their veins ♪

♪ "Hey, what's with the strange breed?" ♪

♪ They is my family ♪

♪ They is my family ♪

♪ They might be crazy ♪

♪ But they is my family ♪

♪ You can't get to them ♪

♪ Unless you get through me, yeah ♪

♪ You mess with them ♪

♪ You mess with me ♪

You okay, sweetie?

More than okay, Dad, just focused on the spelling bee.

Maddie, you're running words with me from 3:30 to 4:30.

Indubitably.

Indubitably.

I-N-D-U-B-I-T-A-B-L-Y.

- Indubitably. - Nice, kid, nice.

Dad, you're on the 4:30-5:30 shift.

Well, I'm afraid that I'm gonna be training until 6:30,

which renders your request...

irrealizable.

Fair enough.

I-R-E...

Ah-ah-ah.

I-R-R-E-A-L-I-Z-A-B-L-E.

- Irrealizable. - Boom.

Nice one, Dad.

Okay, Scout, you're on the 4:30-5:30, right after wrestling practice.

Yeah, sure, that's, uh... that's doable.

D-O-A-B-L-E.

Drumroll, please. That's correct.

Oh, man!

Seriously, guys, let me know when we're out of milk, okay?

We need more milk.

Funny. Just let me know, okay?

Taylor.

- Hey. - Ow.

Your shoulder's that sore?

Well, no pain, no gain, right?

That's the warrior spirit, huh?

You know, I remember one time I was wrestling

and I got injured pretty bad,

and Coach wanted to pull me out of the lineup and I told him,

"No way. I'm not letting my teammates down."

Yikes. That's my cue.

I'll, uh, leave you men to out-cliché each other.

No, no, no, no.

No, Maddie.

Maddie! Maddie, why?

- Maddie? Dad? Dad! - What?

What? What, what, what?

Look at this. Look at this!

Pink tie-dye?

You're gonna be real popular at wrestling practice today.

Oh, no!

Nice work, kiddo.

Not to be a tyrant, but my lucky shirt is now pink.

I'm not talking to you right now.

You understand why, right?

I'm not being too vague, am I?

Okay, listen, if I go to practice with this,

I'm gonna leave with a nickname.

Hey, don't blame me, I warned you guys.

If you're so unhappy about it, do your own laundry.

I'm gonna try not to think about the fact that you ruined everything today.

Whoa. Listen, we have to power through this, okay?

I've got training, you've got the spelling bee tonight,

which, by the way, you're gonna win.

The Pink Punisher.

Too soon. Too soon.

It's fine.

It's fine. It's totally fine.

I'll just tell them my sister's a total moron,

then they'll all laugh and move on.

Damn it.

Yeah, I don't know, it's...

You know, red, gray, and white

are the traditional Turtle Island Bay colors.

Now, it's not a hard-and-fast rule that you wear them every day,

but... polka dots, it's just not the best wrestling look.

Right. Well, I'm sorry, Coach.

It's just lately, my sister's been this thoughtless emo creature,

and on her first and only attempt to do the laundry,

she destroyed everything.

Sure, yeah.

Look, Scout, I know you've been through a lot, okay?

I see a lot of potential in you, son.

Same way I saw a lot of potential in your old man

when we used to wrestle side-by-side, you know?

Now, he was never afraid of a little hard work,

and I'm sure you're not either. Right?

- No. Yeah, sure, whatever you want, Coach. - Great.

I want you to wrestle Jason.

Jason?

- Yeah. - Jason.

Jason is a psycho, all right?

No offense, but I saw him head-butt a mirror.

That's not normal, right?

He has his quirks.

Quirks.

Quirks...

I, uh, totally get your reticence.

Uh, reti-what?

Hesitance, I mean.

Um... I'm Trevor.

Scout.

Cool. Yeah, yeah.

I think it's important for us betas to stick together.

- Betas? - Yeah.

Yeah, and you're totally right about Jason, by the way.

He's not really all there.

I mean, look at him.

The guy doesn't even blink,

and you don't even want to know what his nickname is.

Trevor!

Those water bottles aren't gonna fill themselves.

I got to go, but it was nice meeting you, Scout.

What about the... the nickname?

Quisquilian.

Q-U-I-S-Q-U-I-L-I-A-N.

What the...?

Oh, my...

I found the guy she was cheating on him with.

Who?

She was cheating on my dad

with a guy she went to school with.

How does that make you feel?

Don't you want to know how I found out?

How you know isn't as important as how it makes you feel.

Fine.

Betrayed.

How so?

She chose to get married,

she chose to have children,

she chose to betray us,

and that was a cruel choice. And stupid.

And my mom was never cruel or stupid.

So, why do it?

But she did, and now I know, and I don't know what to do with that.

I want to tell my dad...

but should I?

Have you asked yourself why you want to yet?

One final swipe at her...

knock her down a few pegs in my dad's eyes.

Like, "Look, Dad, she didn't just do this to you,

she did this to all of us."

Or am I trying to knock him down a few pegs?

Like, "Pretty stupid choice, Dad.

You picked a cheater."

Or do I just keep it all in?

Look, you're asking yourself all the right questions.

Who does disclosing the secret benefit, if anyone?

Is it to make yourself feel better, or your father?

Both have consequences.

Like removing a Band-Aid.

Pardon?

Well, there's two ways to remove a Band-Aid.

Fast and slow.

I pull it off fast, I devastate my dad.

I pull it off slow, I devastate myself.

Because this...

all of this, it's destroying me.

What's up, lover?

What are you doing?

I just finished therapy.

You get to skip class for therapy? I need to try that.

Court-appointed therapy.

Ah. Never mind. No thanks.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why so glum, chum?

I don't know, I just have a lot on my mind, I guess.

Come on, sit down. Talk to Dr. Gwen.

Come on, you can trust me.

What's on your mind?

I guess it's my mom.

I never thought she would actually die.

It always kind of just felt like the end of a movie or something.

Not the end of her... forever.

Were you guys close?

We talked about everything.

Almost... everything.

Well...

seems like she was pretty awesome.

I wish I could talk to my mom.

Why can't you?

Uh, the General gave up on me a very long time ago.

You call your mom "The General"?

It's my brother's nickname for her.

She shipped him off to some private military school,

so he's called her that ever since.

How did you avoid getting shipped off?

Well, she, uh...

She told me I wasn't worth the expense.

- Harsh. - Yeah.

So, uh... that's when I decided to come out here and live with my dad.

We are from two completely different worlds.

Did your mom ever sing you to sleep?

Yeah, why?

Just seeing how different we really are, I guess.

Let's go to class. Hop in.

Okay.

Hey, Jason.

- Okay. I just want to clear the air. I... - Did you call me psycho?

You know what happened to the last guy who called me psycho?

I went psycho.

I'm sure you did, okay?

No chance we can put this behind us though, right?

Wrestle!

- Bangkok. - What?

Bang... kok!

Like the nickname. Right.

Way to go, Jason.

Way to bring it. Way to bring it.

I love that flip.

Told you you wouldn't like his nickname.

That hard work is really paying off, isn't it?

- So what he did is cool? - Yep.

Gentlemen, second period.

Get set.

Wrestle!

Hey!

What are you thinking? You can't do that.

- That's illegal. - Illegal? What about Jason, huh?

Come on, Scout, Jason knocking a guy in the 'nads on the sly is one thing,

but what you just did will get you DQ'd from the match.

Your team can't take a loss like that.

Let me get this straight, Psycho there is allowed to punch me in the balls...

Don't call me Psycho!

Okay. Okay.

Come on, man.

Just relax. Let's sweat some of that testosterone off.

Give me some piggyback wind sprints, both of you.

I'm gonna kill you when this is over.

If you could do that before the wind sprints,

that would be great. Thanks.

Oh! Where you going, West?

Jason's up top first. Get back in there.

Come on.

Come on, get at it!

That's it, ride him like a pony.

Oh, damn.

Hello.

How's my Charlotte?

Alex?

You remembered.

You, uh, need help with that?

Alex.

What, no hug?

How did you...?

Well, you called, it sounded like you missed me, so...

I was just a few hours away.

I, um...

I thought I'd surprise you.

Hi.

I'm surprised.

Where exactly are you taking me?

What part of a surprise don't you understand?

Okay, step. Oh, there you go.

Ugh. It smells like fish.

Are you making me walk the plank?

I wish.

Because honestly, if you are, I will come back

and haunt you from beyond the grave.

Well, I mean, if I had to be haunted by anyone, I would choose you.

Feel free to take back that bit of weirdness.

You know, I regretted it immediately.

- Yeah. - Yeah, okay.

Okay, stay there.

Okay, take the blindfold off.

Maddie, you've won today's grand prize,

a luxury cruise around Turtle Island Bay on the SS Maddie West!

Wow.

Do you hate it? It's a dumb idea?

No, it's great.

Give it a chance, okay?

All aboard... Cap'n.

Come on.

You don't...

You don't seem happy to see me.

You never returned my calls.

Don't turn this around on me.

You left.

I always leave for hockey.

For five years?

Charlie, I got traded.

Look, I didn't come here to fight.

- Okay? I thought maybe... - You thought maybe what?

I don't know.

That we could talk.

My house burned down.

- So... - What?

Our house burned down?

Oh, my God.

You know the normal response should be, "Oh, my gosh. Are you okay?

- Do you have a place to live?" - Are you okay?

- Do you have a place...? - Okay, stop.

I called you because I need you to sign the insurance paperwork.

Let's not make a big deal out of this, okay?

Wow.

Sure. Okay.

Great.

Tomorrow at Pietro's, 8:00 p.m. for dinner.

I'm not going to dinner with you, Alex.

Look, we're gonna have to sign the paperwork somewhere.

At least...

let me treat you to something nice.

It's really good to see you.

Fine.

8:00 p.m., Pietro's.

I'll make a reservation.

Way to go, Sylvie.

Nice work.

Listen, this water rescue training is critical,

not only 'cause of the temperatures of the water,

but also because the currents can be so dangerous.

Yeah, they're also freezing.

Is there a chance we could send a search and rescue out for my testicles?

Thought your wife keeps them in a jar next to the bed.

Is that where your girlfriend keeps hers?

Listen up, listen up.

Sixty percent of these rescues involve a combative swimmer.

As tempted as you are to let someone drown that's trying to drown you,

Sylvie here was able to keep her cool, rise above it, and make the save.

So good on you, Sylvie, nice work.

And by the way, this one...

very strong in the water.

Nice job.

Yeah, nice job, Sylvie.

Good job.

Right, old-timer,

you want to take a break before you and I jump in

or how you feeling?

I think you have no idea what I can bring.

- Oh, I think I do. - Oh, yeah?

Oh, I don't know, Simmons.

I've never sucked that much water back in my entire life.

- I nearly drowned out there. - You might want to listen to him.

You know, I've watched you bully everyone here all day,

but, let me tell you, you're not gonna do the same to me.

- Bully, huh? - Yeah.

It's called training, Simmons. Training.

Okay, let me tell you something.

I'm the one that calls the shots around here, you understand?

Copy that.

- You sure? - I got it.

Okay, good.

All right, we're done with the water training for today.

Yes.

And now we're gonna take it inside for the written test.

- No. - Follow me.

All right, let's go.

I am doomed.

Hey, Broseph!

Why the long face?

It's nothing, it's just kind of...

I feel like I'm dropping the ball on this whole wrestling thing.

My dad was a rock star at this school.

- Is that him there? - Yeah.

Well, for starters, he's got those shoulders.

But, you know, my perspective might be a little bit off,

because he's surrounded by all those ribbons. Wow.

Champ three years in a row, huh?

John "The Hammer" West.

That's like the exact opposite of your nickname.

Oh, you don't know?

Oh, that's my girlfriend.

No, but you were saying, a nickname?

Ooh, long-distance call from France. TTYL, yeah?

- Yeah? It's just bad reception. - But, Trevor...

- I can't talk, sorry. - Trevor, come on.

- Bye. - Tre...

Great!

I'm home.

Hey, Tux. Where is everybody?

It's rhetorical.

R-H-E-T... O-R-I-C-A-L.

Rhetorical.

Tux, come here.

Shoot.

Come on, Jan, pick up.

Hi, you've reached Sarah West.

I'm either out chasing my dreams, or chasing after my kids.

I will call you back if and when I find either.

Mom, what's for dinner?

I want mac and cheese.

I want pi...

Hi, you've reached Sarah West.

I'm either out chasing my dreams, or chasing after my kids.

I will call you back if and when I find either.

Mom, what's for dinner?

I want mac and cheese.

I want pi...

Oh, I got it. I got it.

You know, this isn't actually, uh, half-bad.

Yeah, well, you ain't seen nothing yet.

Thanks for rescuing my new hat.

Your wish is and was my command.

Sorry you got a bit wet.

It's fine, don't... don't even mention it.

Well, I thought you were very brave and chivalrous.

So did I.

And you don't look half-bad in the life jacket.

Yeah, well, some people can rock emergency colors and... some can't.

Very funny.

Okay...

- see that right there? - Yeah.

The lighthouse?

A hundred years ago, the lighthouse master

let a pirate ship crash into those rocks there

so that he could steal its treasure.

He then took the treasure, moved to Brazil,

and became the first man to farm oranges.

Okay...

Or, the same lighthouse master

slaughtered his entire family one night,

and had them all buried by morning.

Oh, my God.

Uh...

oranges?

Please be oranges.

- Oh, my God. - Incorrect, Captain Maddie.

I know. I mean, they say you can still hear the ghost of the baby

crying all throughout the bay...

right from the top of the lighthouse. I know, it's weird, but it's true.

- That's so creepy. - I know.

Are there more stories like that about here?

Wouldn't you like to know?

Where is everybody?

- It's been a wonderful day. - Yeah?

Well, it's about to get even wonderful-er.

- Really? - Yeah.

Before that happens, I need to get a selfie in this captain's hat.

Oh, no. Oh...

What?

I was supposed to help my sister with something.

She's been texting me like crazy.

- We need to get a move on. - I'm sorry about this.

No worries. We can reschedule the wonderful-erness.

I'll work on that.

Oh, sorry I'm late!

Mercury must be in double retrograde or something.

- Uh, so why am I closing up? - Taylor's spelling bee.

Oh, right. Right, right, right.

- You okay? - Yeah, fine. Just been a weird day.

What happened?

Uh, I don't want to get into it.

Did I hit a nerve?

Alex was here.

I called him. I need him to sign paperwork for the house.

Did he sign them?

No, we're gonna do it tomorrow.

- Do you want me to come? - At dinner.

- Uh, that's not a good idea. - Jan, I don't need a lecture, okay?

He could sign them anywhere.

He tends to bolt under pressure, okay?

If he doesn't sign, I'm screwed.

- It's fine. - I just don't want you to get hurt.

I mean, he has this tendency to wrap you around his finger

and then disappoint you every time.

Just don't fall for whatever it is he's gonna try to pull.

And call me if you have any temptation

- to go home with him. - I got to get Taylor.

- Promise me. - Bye,

Man, that is not good.

- Thanks for giving me a ride. - Yeah.

I was starting to feel abandoned.

You're totally my hero.

I'm not even gonna dwell on the fact that you're late.

You know who you remind me of?

No, who?

Your mom.

She always wanted to please everyone so much.

Just like you.

When she would get overwhelmed, she would do this breathing thing,

where she would breathe in through her nose...

and out through her mouth.

That's right.

Look, whatever happens,

I love you.

And this is all gonna be over come 8:30,

which is exactly when we will be eating ice cream.

Good, 'cause I haven't eaten all day.

Yikes. We got to get you a snack.

But there will be ice cream, 8:30, I will bet you.

How much?

How much?

Hmm?

Lucky penny?

- Knock 'em dead. - I will.

- Love you. - Love you too.

Get out of here. I'm gonna park.

- You go in. - Okay.

- Bye. - Bye.

I hope you're happy wherever you are right now...

because...

it really sucks down here right now.

I miss you.

Give me a sign.

Hey. You're late, loser.

Wha... late for what?

- The spelling bee. - Oh...

Okay, well, you're not riding with us.

Hey, wait for me! Come on! Wait up!

Alrighty, well, here we go.

Uh, Taylor West.

Present.

Taylor, your first word is "Massachusetts."

Four syllables. Starting off easy, are we?

Massachusetts.

M-A-S-S-A-C-H-U-S-E-T-T-S.

Massachusetts.

That is correct. Well done.

Whoo!

Okay, who's next?

- Hi. - Okay, wonderful.

Now, moving on, our next contestant...

- Where's Dad? - I don't know.

Raji, are you ready to go? Okay.

Raji, your word...

I got an abandoned vehicle

on South Ridge Road, about mile marker 28-ish.

It's registered to an Agatha Lee.

Can you guys tell me what a medication called...

donepezil is used for? Donepezil.

Okay, searching now.

It looks like it's dementia medication.

Oh, boy, that...

That changes things.

Hey, John, Sylvie and I are gonna head in your direction.

I'm gonna take a look.

Agatha?

Mrs. Lee?

Agatha Lee?

Agatha Lee?

Hey, doggy.

Hey.

Hey, doggy.

Hey, where's Agatha?

Show me.

Where's your mama?

Yeah, good boy. Take me to your mama.

Whoa. Slow down.

Agatha?

Hi, Agatha. Hey.

My name is John.

I want to go home.

Okay.

Let's get you right out of here, okay?

- Okay... hold on tight. - Come.

Chiaroscurist.

Chiaroscurist.

K-I-A-R-O-S...

C-U-R-I-S-T?

Chiaroscurist?

That is incorrect.

Oh, no.

It's okay.

Now, Raji, since we are in the finals, you get the same word.

Chiaroscurist.

Definition, please?

Chiaroscurist, an artist

who utilizes the duality of light against dark in visual art.

Chiaroscurist.

C-H-I-A-R-O...

S-K-U-R-I-S-T.

Chiaroscurist.

That is also incorrect.

I am sorry.

It's all Henry's fault that I got lost.

Henry, you bad boy.

Oh, am I keeping you?

No, no, it's just my daughter has a spelling bee, but no rush.

In fact, my team's on their way now, they'll be here any second,

and you will be in excellent hands, okay?

Oh...

You know, if...

This would never have happened if my husband were here.

He passed recently.

Getting used to it is... very difficult.

I understand.

My, uh...

my wife just passed away too.

Oh, my, so young. I'm so sorry.

Thank you.

You know, you always assume you're gonna be the first to go.

You're never really prepared...

to live without them.

Especially if you have kids.

Oh, yes. You have to be father and mother.

You can say that again.

Uh, before he died, my, um... my husband said to me... he said...

He said, "Promise me...

that you'll live your life to the fullest.

You deserve to be happy."

Mmm. You do.

"Promise me.

I'll be watching you."

- That's great advice. - Yeah.

All right, now you... You are both still in the competition.

Ah, Raji, I believe it's your turn,

so if you would approach the microphone.

And your word is "perfidiousness."

Perfidiousness.

P-R-F-E-D...

I-O-U-S-N-E-S-S.

Perfidiousness.

I am sorry, that is incorrect.

Taylor West.

Perfidiousness.

Perf...

Perf...

- Could you repeat the word, please? - Certainly.

Uh, perfidiousness.

Perfidiousness.

Per...

Perf...

- Can you repeat the word, please? - Certainly.

Uh... perfidiousness.

P-E-R-F-I-D-I-O-U-S-N-E-S-S.

Perfidi...

The corners and the sides are for the little Nutella squirrels.

All right.

- Just the way you like it. - Thanks, Mom.

Why are you working so hard, honey?

Because I have to be the best.

Oh, come here.

But are you having any fun?

Taylor.

Taylor.

- Sweetie? Wake up. - Come on.

- Wake up. - Come on.

- Come on. Taylor, wake up. - Taylor.

- Come on, Taylor. - Taylor!

She's up.

Did... did I win?

- Yes, you won. - Yes!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Eat it, Raji.

I got you a cup of water.

I made a pillow for you out of my jacket.

Sorry.

Low blood sugar.

Speaking of which, isn't it ice cream-thirty?

You got it. Let's go.

Yes!

Here, one, two, three.

Hey, John, it's us.

No need to panic, but Taylor fainted.

She's totally fine, totally fine. School nurse checked her out.

- And I won! - She won.

Uh, we're not sure where you are, but we're on our way home now.

We will catch you in a bit. Again, no need to panic.

She's right. Bye.

Bye.

Hi, you've reached Sarah West.

I'm either out chasing my dreams, or chasing after my kids.

I will call you back if and when I find either.

Mom, what's for dinner?

I want mac and cheese.

I want pi...

Sarah, it's Charlie.

I got your gift.

Hey, angel.

Hey, Dad.

Sorry I missed it.

It's okay.

But you won.

So proud of you.

Okay, I've got an easy one for you.

Sesquipedalianism.

Really? Dad!

Can I stay here tonight?

You're gonna fall off the bed.

I already am half off the bed.

All right, home-wrecker...

you're mine.