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1
00:00:05,006 --> 00:00:08,342
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
2
00:00:08,343 --> 00:00:12,597
♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da ♪
3
00:00:15,058 --> 00:00:17,643
♪ Everlasting Love
by Love Affair ♪
4
00:00:17,644 --> 00:00:19,645
♪ Open up your eyes ♪
5
00:00:19,646 --> 00:00:21,605
♪ Then, you'll realize ♪
6
00:00:21,606 --> 00:00:23,107
♪ Here I stand... ♪
7
00:00:23,108 --> 00:00:25,401
Mom? Mom? Mom! Mom!
8
00:00:25,402 --> 00:00:27,361
Will you turn that thing off?
I don't know how much longer
9
00:00:27,362 --> 00:00:29,405
I can watch you sensually
dance with a teddy bear!
10
00:00:29,406 --> 00:00:31,407
Ooh, what's that, Teddy?
11
00:00:31,408 --> 00:00:33,576
You think he should pay
for his own college?
12
00:00:33,577 --> 00:00:35,078
Oh, good idea.
13
00:00:36,788 --> 00:00:40,082
You know, your dad
got me one of these
14
00:00:40,083 --> 00:00:43,002
on our very first
Valentine's Day as a couple.
15
00:00:43,003 --> 00:00:45,379
Even before he and
I got together,
16
00:00:45,380 --> 00:00:48,048
he had a soft spot
for Valentine's Day.
17
00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:50,844
I'm just saying, Valentine's
Day is the worst.
18
00:00:51,803 --> 00:00:54,763
Wait, you're grumpy
about Valentine's Day?
19
00:00:54,764 --> 00:00:56,473
What a total curveball!
20
00:00:56,474 --> 00:00:58,809
Do you think it's a
"Hallmark holiday"?
21
00:00:58,810 --> 00:01:01,854
Yeah! I do. It's just an excuse for the
greeting card and chocolate companies...
22
00:01:01,855 --> 00:01:03,647
Alright! Alright.
23
00:01:03,648 --> 00:01:05,399
Not exactly a hot take, man.
24
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:08,444
Yeah, next, you're gonna say that
TikTok is shortening our attention span.
25
00:01:08,445 --> 00:01:10,613
It is! Our generation
can't even focus...
26
00:01:10,614 --> 00:01:12,908
I don't care what you
think, Love Grinch!
27
00:01:14,576 --> 00:01:15,826
Hannah's en route to the city,
28
00:01:15,827 --> 00:01:19,455
and we are gonna Valentine the crap
out of each other all night long.
29
00:01:19,456 --> 00:01:21,332
I love Valentine's
Day, too. Every year,
30
00:01:21,333 --> 00:01:23,667
I spend it with the
hottest piece in the city.
31
00:01:23,668 --> 00:01:25,753
This little smoke
show right here.
32
00:01:25,754 --> 00:01:27,546
Damn right, she does.
33
00:01:27,547 --> 00:01:30,007
Valentine's Day is
our day. We call it...
34
00:01:30,008 --> 00:01:31,926
Svalentine's Day!
35
00:01:31,927 --> 00:01:34,678
Sorry, isn't that what we all
call it, but with less spitting?
36
00:01:34,679 --> 00:01:36,931
No! It's Svalentine's.
37
00:01:36,932 --> 00:01:40,309
Like Sophie and Valentina's
Valentine's Day.
38
00:01:40,310 --> 00:01:42,019
Svalentine's.
39
00:01:42,020 --> 00:01:44,940
Is it a fresher take if
I hate Svalentine's Day?
40
00:01:46,191 --> 00:01:48,193
I hate this stupid holiday.
41
00:01:49,778 --> 00:01:52,363
Hey, bud. What the hell is this?
42
00:01:52,364 --> 00:01:55,491
It's supposed to be Rachel's
Valentine's Day gift.
43
00:01:55,492 --> 00:01:57,284
Because nothing
says "I love you"
44
00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:59,787
like a romantic
candlelight dinner
45
00:01:59,788 --> 00:02:03,582
under a nude frozen likeness
of the woman you love.
46
00:02:03,583 --> 00:02:05,709
But Rachel's aunt broke her hip,
so she went to Florida to help.
47
00:02:05,710 --> 00:02:06,961
Oh, what a sweetheart.
48
00:02:06,962 --> 00:02:08,588
I know! She's extremely caring!
49
00:02:09,923 --> 00:02:11,173
Sorry. Sorry.
50
00:02:11,174 --> 00:02:14,176
I was really excited for our
first Valentine's Day together,
51
00:02:14,177 --> 00:02:15,261
and now it's ruined.
52
00:02:15,262 --> 00:02:17,054
Does it make you feel
better to know that I've had
53
00:02:17,055 --> 00:02:20,724
a terrible, horrible, no good, very
bad Valentine's Day before, too?
54
00:02:20,725 --> 00:02:22,977
Aw, sweetie, no.
55
00:02:22,978 --> 00:02:25,813
Why would hearing about your
misfortune make me feel any better?
56
00:02:25,814 --> 00:02:27,231
Aw.
57
00:02:27,232 --> 00:02:29,233
Just kidding. It totally would.
Tell me, tell me, tell me!
58
00:02:30,735 --> 00:02:32,820
Okay. I was 8 years old.
59
00:02:32,821 --> 00:02:36,115
I was making cards for all the
important people in my life.
60
00:02:36,116 --> 00:02:38,367
My mom, my mom's
boyfriend, Steve,
61
00:02:38,368 --> 00:02:40,411
my favorite NSYNC member,
Chris Kirkpatrick,
62
00:02:40,412 --> 00:02:42,913
Ruthie and Teck from
The Real World: Hawaii.
63
00:02:42,914 --> 00:02:44,290
Stop right there.
64
00:02:44,291 --> 00:02:46,000
A pre-puberty story
doesn't count.
65
00:02:46,001 --> 00:02:47,918
Heartbreak before your
period isn't real.
66
00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:50,589
Oh, okay. Uh, I'm gonna
think of a different one.
67
00:02:51,631 --> 00:02:53,007
Ooh! When I was 13.
68
00:02:53,008 --> 00:02:56,344
Uh, no. You hang up first.
I'm not hanging up first!
69
00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:59,471
It's your turn to hang
up first. You go first.
70
00:02:59,472 --> 00:03:00,556
Next!
71
00:03:00,557 --> 00:03:02,601
Okay, uh, I'll go. Alright.
Um...
72
00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:05,269
My worst St. Valentine's.
73
00:03:05,270 --> 00:03:09,607
Uh, the year was 2012, and
I was a besotted young lad
74
00:03:09,608 --> 00:03:12,735
on a hunting trip in
Norfolk with my family
75
00:03:12,736 --> 00:03:15,279
and my girlfriend,
Jacinda Astley.
76
00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:20,910
the estate of my
family's dear friends,
77
00:03:20,911 --> 00:03:24,330
David and Rose, the Marquess
and Marchioness of Cholmondeley.
78
00:03:24,331 --> 00:03:26,665
There was a crisp
breeze that afternoon,
79
00:03:26,666 --> 00:03:28,542
so I went to close the window.
80
00:03:28,543 --> 00:03:32,171
But the curtains, well, were
fluttering so playfully in the draft
81
00:03:32,172 --> 00:03:34,632
that in the end, I
couldn't bear to end
82
00:03:34,633 --> 00:03:37,593
their delightful curtain dance.
83
00:03:37,594 --> 00:03:40,930
Oh, my God! We are telling
Valentine's stories in a bar,
84
00:03:40,931 --> 00:03:43,058
not doing set dec
for soft-core porn.
85
00:03:45,352 --> 00:03:48,646
Well, if you're such a masterful
storyteller, please, regale us.
86
00:03:48,647 --> 00:03:51,690
I would, but all my V-Days
have been straight-up bangers.
87
00:03:51,691 --> 00:03:53,192
Ooh, what about Brendan?
88
00:03:53,193 --> 00:03:55,236
Who's Brendan? Did he suck?
89
00:03:55,237 --> 00:03:58,364
- Ooh. Did he call women "females"?
- Well,
90
00:03:58,365 --> 00:04:01,158
it was freshman year of college.
Sophie and I hadn't met yet,
91
00:04:01,159 --> 00:04:03,828
and I thought I was gonna
be the next Lady Gaga.
92
00:04:04,204 --> 00:04:07,415
Brendan was a graphic design major I'd
been dating for a couple of months.
93
00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:11,418
Hi! I'm Valentina.
94
00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:13,504
Sophie Tompkins.
95
00:04:13,505 --> 00:04:16,423
Is today your favorite
holiday because of your name?
96
00:04:16,424 --> 00:04:19,301
That would be like if
I was... Halloweena!
97
00:04:20,971 --> 00:04:22,888
Not sure exactly what you're on,
98
00:04:22,889 --> 00:04:24,724
but you should have some water.
99
00:04:25,892 --> 00:04:28,227
Great tip. Thanks.
100
00:04:28,228 --> 00:04:31,105
Are you surprising your boyfriend
with a Valentine's Day gift, too?
101
00:04:31,106 --> 00:04:33,482
Yeah.
102
00:04:33,483 --> 00:04:35,485
It's pictures of my butt.
103
00:04:36,111 --> 00:04:37,903
Like, you sat on a copy machine?
104
00:04:37,904 --> 00:04:39,155
No...
105
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:41,323
Can I be honest with you?
106
00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:44,243
You could do so much
better than Todd.
107
00:04:44,244 --> 00:04:47,913
Todd? Ew! He's legit the
grossest man I've ever met.
108
00:04:49,374 --> 00:04:50,791
Harsh.
109
00:04:50,792 --> 00:04:53,586
Did you ladies come
here just to insult me?
110
00:04:53,587 --> 00:04:54,838
'Cause if you did...
111
00:04:56,506 --> 00:04:59,175
you mind putting these on and
let me turn my webcam on first?
112
00:05:00,719 --> 00:05:02,428
Turns out, Todd was developing
113
00:05:02,429 --> 00:05:05,264
a glam rock musical
version of Charlotte's Web.
114
00:05:05,265 --> 00:05:06,515
It was actually pretty good.
115
00:05:06,516 --> 00:05:08,559
So, if you aren't
here for Todd...
116
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:10,562
And you're not here for Todd...
117
00:05:11,938 --> 00:05:14,356
- We kissed the same guy?!
- We slept with the same guy?!
118
00:05:14,357 --> 00:05:16,609
Brendan! Legend!
119
00:05:16,610 --> 00:05:18,485
Shut up, Todd!
120
00:05:23,366 --> 00:05:26,869
That lying sack of crap!
121
00:05:26,870 --> 00:05:28,996
That smarmy little ass-clown!
122
00:05:28,997 --> 00:05:31,081
Oh, that sleazy
dick-nosed bastard!
123
00:05:31,082 --> 00:05:32,625
Oh, that butthead!
124
00:05:32,626 --> 00:05:34,585
Are you the Amish exchange
student I heard about?
125
00:05:34,586 --> 00:05:36,921
What? No. I could do better.
126
00:05:36,922 --> 00:05:39,089
That jerk! Oh!
127
00:05:39,090 --> 00:05:40,925
And his hair looks so dumb.
128
00:05:40,926 --> 00:05:43,261
No. His hair looks cool.
129
00:05:43,762 --> 00:05:46,597
He was bald by junior year. Hm.
130
00:05:46,598 --> 00:05:48,892
Sometimes, God is good.
131
00:05:49,768 --> 00:05:52,811
Brendan sucks, and we have
got to break up with him.
132
00:05:52,812 --> 00:05:55,898
Oh, we are going to do way
more than break up with him.
133
00:05:55,899 --> 00:05:57,691
We're gonna get revenge.
134
00:05:57,692 --> 00:05:59,777
God, I find being
around you exhilarating.
135
00:06:01,029 --> 00:06:02,404
So we
grabbed our bats
136
00:06:02,405 --> 00:06:04,908
and went to town
on Brendan's bike.
137
00:06:05,367 --> 00:06:08,452
♪ I dug my key into the side ♪
138
00:06:08,453 --> 00:06:11,872
♪ Of his pretty little
souped-up four-wheel-drive ♪
139
00:06:11,873 --> 00:06:14,250
♪ Carved my name into... ♪
140
00:06:14,251 --> 00:06:15,876
Hey! What are you guys doing?
141
00:06:15,877 --> 00:06:17,419
You cheat on me,
142
00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:19,380
your ride pays the price!
143
00:06:19,381 --> 00:06:23,093
Yeah! Exactly what she said,
but from my perspective!
144
00:06:23,927 --> 00:06:25,719
Uh...
145
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:26,972
that's not my bike.
146
00:06:29,391 --> 00:06:32,017
So, maybe we tanked
our revenge plan,
147
00:06:32,018 --> 00:06:35,688
but that's the night
I met my BFFTLATN.
148
00:06:35,689 --> 00:06:36,523
What?
149
00:06:36,524 --> 00:06:39,275
Best friends for this
life and the next.
150
00:06:39,276 --> 00:06:41,026
We both believe
in reincarnation.
151
00:06:41,027 --> 00:06:43,028
Yes, we're coming back
as treasured house cats.
152
00:06:43,029 --> 00:06:45,156
- Same house?
- Same estate.
153
00:06:46,866 --> 00:06:48,659
Are you two serious?
154
00:06:48,660 --> 00:06:51,370
How is a story of your adorable
Valentine's Day meet-cute
155
00:06:51,371 --> 00:06:52,872
supposed to make
me feel any better?
156
00:06:53,665 --> 00:06:55,332
- It's not.
- Our bad.
157
00:06:55,333 --> 00:06:57,793
I need something
gut-wrenchingly pathetic.
158
00:06:57,794 --> 00:06:58,837
Jesse?
159
00:07:00,255 --> 00:07:01,922
Fine.
160
00:07:01,923 --> 00:07:03,716
I
was 10 years old.
161
00:07:03,717 --> 00:07:05,801
Hang on, Ellen said no
pre-puberty stories.
162
00:07:05,802 --> 00:07:08,304
Actually, Jesse went through
puberty in third grade.
163
00:07:08,305 --> 00:07:11,182
Whenever he took me to the playground,
all the kids called him "sir."
164
00:07:11,850 --> 00:07:15,019
Today's lunch is fish sticks,
tater tots, fruit cup,
165
00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:17,438
and your choice of
regular or chocolate milk.
166
00:07:17,439 --> 00:07:20,691
Okay, guys, I'll let you in on a
little secret. One girl's advice?
167
00:07:20,692 --> 00:07:22,484
You're gonna wanna go chocolate.
168
00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:25,487
Mariah Moore was
the first girl I ever liked.
169
00:07:25,488 --> 00:07:28,198
We'd never actually talked, but
I knew all I needed to know.
170
00:07:28,199 --> 00:07:31,368
She was super cute, she'd
read all the Animorphs books,
171
00:07:31,369 --> 00:07:34,164
and her parents had
a trampoline. No net.
172
00:07:35,123 --> 00:07:36,790
I love you, Mariah Moore.
173
00:07:36,791 --> 00:07:38,543
I'm at work.
174
00:07:40,045 --> 00:07:43,339
You told a girl you were in
love with her way too soon?
175
00:07:43,340 --> 00:07:45,342
Why does that sound so familiar?
176
00:07:46,343 --> 00:07:47,844
Because he did it to Sophie.
177
00:07:49,554 --> 00:07:51,597
He also did it in middle school.
178
00:07:51,598 --> 00:07:53,891
Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Fine.
There was one other time.
179
00:08:02,984 --> 00:08:04,736
I love you, Olivia DeMarco.
180
00:08:05,779 --> 00:08:07,822
Um, Jerry, is it?
181
00:08:09,824 --> 00:08:11,242
And then in college.
182
00:08:13,703 --> 00:08:15,663
These
Wall Street fat cats
183
00:08:15,664 --> 00:08:18,707
have stolen from
America's working class!
184
00:08:18,708 --> 00:08:19,668
Yes!
185
00:08:19,669 --> 00:08:22,503
But do you know who really
belongs behind bars?
186
00:08:22,504 --> 00:08:24,296
Clarissa Yang.
187
00:08:24,297 --> 00:08:27,508
Because you stole
my heart, Clarissa.
188
00:08:27,509 --> 00:08:28,717
I love you!
189
00:08:28,718 --> 00:08:31,512
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
190
00:08:31,513 --> 00:08:32,805
Oh!
191
00:08:32,806 --> 00:08:36,308
So you say "I love you"
early on to, like, everyone.
192
00:08:36,309 --> 00:08:38,644
Well, you'll be happy to know
that all those people hated it
193
00:08:38,645 --> 00:08:40,605
just as much as you did.
194
00:08:41,565 --> 00:08:43,941
Cool. Noted.
195
00:08:43,942 --> 00:08:45,192
Wait, are you actually
upset about this?
196
00:08:45,193 --> 00:08:46,903
No. I don't care.
197
00:08:47,571 --> 00:08:48,571
- Great.
- Great.
198
00:08:48,572 --> 00:08:49,614
Great.
199
00:08:51,616 --> 00:08:53,617
Sorry.
When I get uncomfortable,
200
00:08:53,618 --> 00:08:55,244
I get Scottish.
201
00:09:01,293 --> 00:09:02,585
Stop glaring at me!
202
00:09:02,586 --> 00:09:06,131
Oh, you don't love that like you
love every woman you lay eyes on?
203
00:09:06,673 --> 00:09:09,175
Alright! Back to me then. Um...
204
00:09:10,051 --> 00:09:11,969
I have processed your critiques,
205
00:09:11,970 --> 00:09:14,347
and I am ready to tell
my story succinctly.
206
00:09:15,056 --> 00:09:18,183
So, we're at Houghton
Hall, awaiting the arrival
207
00:09:18,184 --> 00:09:22,104
of my beloved girlfriend,
Jacinda Astley.
208
00:09:22,105 --> 00:09:24,398
And, uh, I wanted things
to be extra special
209
00:09:24,399 --> 00:09:26,942
because, well, I'd always
had a bit of a thing
210
00:09:26,943 --> 00:09:28,861
for old St Valentine's.
211
00:09:28,862 --> 00:09:31,780
And Jacinda Astley...
212
00:09:31,781 --> 00:09:33,449
was a lady.
213
00:09:33,450 --> 00:09:36,201
And though the Astleys were
incredibly well-esteemed,
214
00:09:36,202 --> 00:09:39,955
their family name had not
gone unmarred by scandal.
215
00:09:39,956 --> 00:09:44,126
Rumor has it, her great-aunt was
sired not by Lord Phillip Astley,
216
00:09:44,127 --> 00:09:46,629
but by a mere stable boy.
217
00:09:46,630 --> 00:09:48,923
Of Wolverhampton!
218
00:09:48,924 --> 00:09:51,467
- No!
- Yes! And it gets even better...
219
00:09:51,468 --> 00:09:53,385
Dude, I'm not no-ing you.
Nobody's listening to you.
220
00:09:53,386 --> 00:09:55,429
True.
221
00:09:55,430 --> 00:09:57,723
They're diverting
Hannah's flight to Houston
222
00:09:57,724 --> 00:09:59,266
'cause someone said they
were having a heart attack.
223
00:09:59,267 --> 00:10:02,686
Like, dude, how hard is it to
just ignore your body's signals
224
00:10:02,687 --> 00:10:04,521
until it's too late
like the rest of us?
225
00:10:04,522 --> 00:10:07,483
So Hannah will get in tomorrow.
Is that such a big deal?
226
00:10:07,484 --> 00:10:08,817
Yes.
227
00:10:08,818 --> 00:10:11,821
Spending Valentine's Day together
is, like, super important to us.
228
00:10:12,530 --> 00:10:14,240
'Cause of our worst one ever.
229
00:10:14,241 --> 00:10:17,244
That sounds awful.
Tell us everything.
230
00:10:17,702 --> 00:10:20,579
Okay, so Hannah and I
are still in med school,
231
00:10:20,580 --> 00:10:22,915
and we just started dating,
so we weren't exclusive yet.
232
00:10:22,916 --> 00:10:26,252
Come on, man! Just have one drink with
me at the McLarens' place downstairs.
233
00:10:26,253 --> 00:10:27,878
Hey...
234
00:10:27,879 --> 00:10:30,839
We can mack on
some sweet Valentine's Day honeys.
235
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:34,802
Sid, you're not a virgin.
Why are you talking like one?
236
00:10:34,803 --> 00:10:38,222
- Also, you have a girlfriend.
- Hannah is not my girlfriend, okay?
237
00:10:38,223 --> 00:10:40,933
I'm a playboy. I can't be
tied down.
238
00:10:40,934 --> 00:10:42,477
What the...
239
00:10:44,104 --> 00:10:47,439
Look at this photo Hannah just posted.
Why is she all up on this dude?
240
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:51,111
Whoa. Looks like she's out
being a play girl, huh?
241
00:10:51,528 --> 00:10:52,736
Oh, my God, I'm an idiot.
242
00:10:52,737 --> 00:10:54,113
Dude, I am done playing games.
243
00:10:54,114 --> 00:10:56,156
I gotta go tell Hannah
she's the only one for me,
244
00:10:56,157 --> 00:10:58,117
and you are coming, too!
245
00:10:58,118 --> 00:10:59,743
Alright, fine,
I'll go with you,
246
00:10:59,744 --> 00:11:01,620
but I'm not putting
on real pants, okay?
247
00:11:01,621 --> 00:11:04,332
Because Valentine's Day is
a stupid...
248
00:11:08,962 --> 00:11:10,588
Now, focus. If you
249
00:11:10,589 --> 00:11:14,174
were a gorgeous young med student about
to throw away the love of your life,
250
00:11:14,175 --> 00:11:15,801
- where would you...
- It's a very small apartment, okay?
251
00:11:15,802 --> 00:11:17,094
They're right there.
252
00:11:20,223 --> 00:11:23,183
Okay. Come on. Jesse, dance.
Act like we're having fun.
253
00:11:23,184 --> 00:11:25,144
What? Why? I thought we were
here so you could tell Hannah
254
00:11:25,145 --> 00:11:27,021
- how you feel about her.
- Yeah, I was,
255
00:11:27,022 --> 00:11:28,981
but I'm pissed she's having
so much fun without me.
256
00:11:28,982 --> 00:11:31,150
I want her to see that I have
fun without her, too, you know?
257
00:11:31,151 --> 00:11:33,652
By dancing with me?
258
00:11:33,653 --> 00:11:36,238
Come on, Jesse! We didn't practice
Dougie-ing for nothing, okay?
259
00:11:42,287 --> 00:11:43,580
Ha! Ha!
260
00:11:47,792 --> 00:11:50,628
- Jesse! Running man! Now!
- Are we in a dance-off?
261
00:11:50,629 --> 00:11:52,839
Oh, I am! I don't know
what the hell you're doing!
262
00:11:53,632 --> 00:11:56,425
What's up? What's
up? Wh... Ow! Cramp!
263
00:11:56,426 --> 00:11:58,677
Are you okay?
264
00:11:58,678 --> 00:12:01,473
That is enough! Can you stop
massaging him right now, please?
265
00:12:02,682 --> 00:12:05,100
Hannah, I want to be your boyfriend.
I want you to be my girlfriend.
266
00:12:05,101 --> 00:12:07,019
I want this guy to just go away.
267
00:12:07,020 --> 00:12:08,854
Ha! I knew it.
268
00:12:08,855 --> 00:12:10,856
- Thanks for your help, Drew-shi.
- Of course.
269
00:12:10,857 --> 00:12:13,108
Drew-shi is a dish
best served cold.
270
00:12:13,109 --> 00:12:14,945
Wait, what?
271
00:12:15,403 --> 00:12:16,612
Did you set me up?
272
00:12:16,613 --> 00:12:19,740
- Hell yeah, I did.
- Look, Hannah knew if we made you jelly,
273
00:12:19,741 --> 00:12:22,341
you'd make things official. That's
why I brought out the big guns.
274
00:12:23,453 --> 00:12:24,955
I can do that, too.
275
00:12:25,830 --> 00:12:27,206
Am I doing it?
276
00:12:27,207 --> 00:12:28,583
No...
277
00:12:30,085 --> 00:12:32,253
Look, glad I could
help cupid you guys.
278
00:12:32,254 --> 00:12:34,922
The way she talks about you, I
knew you got something special.
279
00:12:34,923 --> 00:12:38,133
And people who love each other should
be together on Valentine's Day.
280
00:12:38,134 --> 00:12:40,929
That's why I'm gonna go
hang out with my mom. Later.
281
00:12:42,347 --> 00:12:45,516
I can't believe you tricked me.
That's, like, supes immature.
282
00:12:45,517 --> 00:12:47,851
Seriously? You're mad?
283
00:12:47,852 --> 00:12:48,852
Yeah.
284
00:12:48,853 --> 00:12:51,146
You've been acting for weeks like
you don't want to be my boyfriend.
285
00:12:51,147 --> 00:12:52,523
That's immature.
286
00:12:52,524 --> 00:12:56,485
We proceeded to have the kind of awful,
horrible, screaming, crying fight
287
00:12:56,486 --> 00:12:57,945
that you only have in your 20s.
288
00:12:57,946 --> 00:13:00,447
- I hate you.
- I hate you, too!
289
00:13:04,953 --> 00:13:07,956
I love you... Sweatpants Girl.
290
00:13:10,584 --> 00:13:11,584
Seriously?
291
00:13:11,585 --> 00:13:13,503
That one doesn't count!
292
00:13:14,296 --> 00:13:16,298
Have... you met molly?
293
00:13:19,134 --> 00:13:21,760
I also said "I love
you" to my cab driver,
294
00:13:21,761 --> 00:13:24,305
a fat pigeon, a-and a trash can
295
00:13:24,306 --> 00:13:26,224
I could "feel" had a soul.
296
00:13:27,058 --> 00:13:30,019
Anyway, um, that night,
neither of us slept,
297
00:13:30,020 --> 00:13:31,312
and when the sun came up,
298
00:13:31,313 --> 00:13:34,107
we both realized why. Um...
299
00:13:34,608 --> 00:13:36,818
the only thing we really
wanted was each other.
300
00:13:40,238 --> 00:13:41,239
Hi.
301
00:13:42,032 --> 00:13:44,450
- Hi.
- I, uh,
302
00:13:44,451 --> 00:13:45,952
I made you this.
303
00:13:46,745 --> 00:13:50,247
You arranged a bunch of
bagels in the shape of balls?
304
00:13:50,248 --> 00:13:51,832
Huh? No. Oh!
305
00:13:51,833 --> 00:13:54,001
It's supposed to be a heart.
306
00:13:54,002 --> 00:13:55,629
Made of everything
bagels 'cause...
307
00:13:57,172 --> 00:13:58,673
'cause you're my everything.
308
00:13:59,633 --> 00:14:02,760
And you used cream
cheese for the glue!
309
00:14:02,761 --> 00:14:03,803
Mm-hmm.
310
00:14:06,223 --> 00:14:09,683
And we haven't spent
Valentine's Day apart since.
311
00:14:09,684 --> 00:14:11,602
Aw...
312
00:14:11,603 --> 00:14:14,230
Oh, Jesse, those two
old ladies are leaving.
313
00:14:14,231 --> 00:14:16,148
Don't forget to tell
'em both you love 'em.
314
00:14:16,149 --> 00:14:19,151
I really don't get it. How are
you actually pissed about this?
315
00:14:19,152 --> 00:14:22,322
I'm not pissed. I'm... irked.
316
00:14:23,949 --> 00:14:25,367
You guys get why, right?
317
00:14:26,159 --> 00:14:28,077
No. No. Not really.
318
00:14:28,078 --> 00:14:29,704
Oh, my God. Fine.
319
00:14:32,123 --> 00:14:34,833
When you told me you loved
me on our first date,
320
00:14:34,834 --> 00:14:36,460
yes, that freaked me out.
321
00:14:36,461 --> 00:14:39,547
But it also made
me feel... special.
322
00:14:39,548 --> 00:14:43,175
And then hearing that
you've said those same words
323
00:14:43,176 --> 00:14:46,011
to roughly one in
four American women,
324
00:14:46,012 --> 00:14:47,514
that makes me feel...
325
00:14:49,724 --> 00:14:51,893
Less special?
326
00:14:53,645 --> 00:14:56,856
This was way too intimate
to say in front of everyone.
327
00:14:57,899 --> 00:14:59,984
I'm gonna
get a very strong drink.
328
00:14:59,985 --> 00:15:02,070
Oh!
Why am I doing it?
329
00:15:07,409 --> 00:15:10,452
S-so, Ellen? We were thinking...
330
00:15:10,453 --> 00:15:12,998
No, you can't use Ice
Rachel as a vodka luge.
331
00:15:13,873 --> 00:15:15,333
Surprise!
332
00:15:15,875 --> 00:15:17,126
- Oh!
- Oh, my God!
333
00:15:17,127 --> 00:15:18,377
You're here! HANNAH: I am!
334
00:15:18,378 --> 00:15:21,380
Oh, I pulled a full
"mom from Home Alone"
335
00:15:21,381 --> 00:15:23,757
and cried my way
onto a new flight.
336
00:15:23,758 --> 00:15:26,176
My favorite girl referencing
my favorite movie
337
00:15:26,177 --> 00:15:27,928
on my favorite day of the year?
338
00:15:27,929 --> 00:15:29,931
I
love this holiday!
339
00:15:31,141 --> 00:15:34,518
I have an announcement!
Hello, Hannah. Welcome back.
340
00:15:34,519 --> 00:15:36,353
I have taken your
collective feedback
341
00:15:36,354 --> 00:15:39,107
and distilled my story
into four sentences.
342
00:15:39,524 --> 00:15:43,027
My girlfriend was coming to visit me
in the country for Valentine's Day.
343
00:15:43,028 --> 00:15:46,196
I decided to surprise her by
wearing nothing but whipped cream.
344
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,334
Are the cherries too much?
345
00:15:58,335 --> 00:16:01,421
No. You look scrumptious, sir.
346
00:16:09,429 --> 00:16:10,931
I lay there all night waiting,
347
00:16:12,057 --> 00:16:13,098
and she stood me up.
348
00:16:13,099 --> 00:16:14,935
I wound up with
a broken heart...
349
00:16:16,186 --> 00:16:17,687
and a yeast infection.
350
00:16:18,688 --> 00:16:20,315
Which I didn't even
know men could get.
351
00:16:20,732 --> 00:16:23,317
That's a pretty good
story!
352
00:16:23,318 --> 00:16:26,028
I got a double cheese
pizza from Little Caesar's
353
00:16:26,029 --> 00:16:27,572
for... Ellen Gilbert.
354
00:16:34,246 --> 00:16:35,871
Happy
Valentine's Day, baby.
355
00:16:35,872 --> 00:16:39,041
I figure if we ate the same
thing together on FaceTime,
356
00:16:39,042 --> 00:16:40,709
it'd almost be like
we were together.
357
00:16:40,710 --> 00:16:42,378
This is perfect.
358
00:16:42,379 --> 00:16:44,797
I should have known you
would make today amazing.
359
00:16:44,798 --> 00:16:46,298
Aw...
360
00:16:46,299 --> 00:16:48,419
This is a private moment
between me and my girlfriend!
361
00:16:50,554 --> 00:16:51,554
Just kidding.
362
00:16:51,555 --> 00:16:54,349
We're cute as hell,
and I accept your aw's.
363
00:16:55,809 --> 00:16:57,977
Hey. Look.
364
00:16:57,978 --> 00:16:59,603
Yes, when I was
younger, I threw out
365
00:16:59,604 --> 00:17:01,981
a lot of "I love you's"
with reckless abandon.
366
00:17:01,982 --> 00:17:04,942
Okay? But then, I
stopped. For many years.
367
00:17:04,943 --> 00:17:06,820
- You did?
- I did.
368
00:17:07,779 --> 00:17:10,197
And, you know, after
Meredith left me,
369
00:17:10,198 --> 00:17:12,867
I-I thought I'd never say it
again, and...
370
00:17:13,994 --> 00:17:15,036
then I met you.
371
00:17:17,622 --> 00:17:18,665
Got it.
372
00:17:20,333 --> 00:17:23,002
Thank you for...
clearing that up for me.
373
00:17:23,003 --> 00:17:25,254
I feel less irked.
374
00:17:25,255 --> 00:17:26,380
Good.
375
00:17:26,381 --> 00:17:27,673
Okay, so finish your story.
376
00:17:27,674 --> 00:17:30,467
Wh-what happened to you on
Valentine's Day in third grade?
377
00:17:30,468 --> 00:17:32,928
There was a father-daughter
dance at school,
378
00:17:32,929 --> 00:17:36,765
and I put fliers with my
picture up all over town
379
00:17:36,766 --> 00:17:40,561
in hopes that my dad would see
it and come and surprise me.
380
00:17:40,562 --> 00:17:42,646
Did your dad live in your town?
381
00:17:42,647 --> 00:17:45,399
No idea. My mom only told me
382
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:49,278
that they slept together one
time at the first Lollapalooza.
383
00:17:49,279 --> 00:17:51,655
- Wow.
- Yeah. She actually said "did the nasty,"
384
00:17:51,656 --> 00:17:53,115
but I was trying to spare you.
385
00:17:53,116 --> 00:17:56,786
Thank you. Okay,
so-so-so what happened?
386
00:17:57,412 --> 00:17:59,706
I stood in the middle
of the dance floor,
387
00:18:00,206 --> 00:18:03,626
hoping my long-lost father would walk
through the door and surprise me.
388
00:18:03,627 --> 00:18:06,712
And after a while, a guy I'd
never seen before showed up.
389
00:18:06,713 --> 00:18:08,715
- Someone else's dad.
- I wish.
390
00:18:09,591 --> 00:18:11,842
Just a neighborhood pervert.
391
00:18:11,843 --> 00:18:14,511
- Oh.
- Security tackled him pretty fast.
392
00:18:14,512 --> 00:18:16,680
But, in retrospect,
393
00:18:16,681 --> 00:18:20,517
putting up pictures of a
little girl with the caption
394
00:18:20,518 --> 00:18:23,520
"Daddy, come dance with
me," was not a good idea.
395
00:18:23,521 --> 00:18:26,023
Oh, my God.
396
00:18:26,024 --> 00:18:29,109
The police said I saved a
lot of lives in the end.
397
00:18:29,110 --> 00:18:31,528
- Huh...
- What?
398
00:18:31,529 --> 00:18:33,697
Well, it's just you have
399
00:18:33,698 --> 00:18:36,201
a real reason to hate this day.
400
00:18:36,576 --> 00:18:39,662
But you just throw on a
smile and spend it with Val
401
00:18:39,663 --> 00:18:42,081
and have a ridiculously
good attitude about it.
402
00:18:42,082 --> 00:18:44,083
H-how do you do that?
403
00:18:44,084 --> 00:18:46,460
What is my other
option? To act like you?
404
00:18:46,461 --> 00:18:48,213
I-I'm serious.
405
00:18:48,797 --> 00:18:50,215
Chocolate helps.
406
00:18:51,299 --> 00:18:52,800
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
407
00:18:57,681 --> 00:18:59,890
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
408
00:18:59,891 --> 00:19:02,435
You know, maybe Valentine's
Day is not that bad.
409
00:19:04,521 --> 00:19:07,566
You see, son, love
just feels good.
410
00:19:07,941 --> 00:19:10,151
Especially on Valentine's Day.
411
00:19:11,444 --> 00:19:12,945
Just ask your dad.
412
00:19:12,946 --> 00:19:16,073
And people who love each other should
be together on Valentine's Day.
413
00:19:16,074 --> 00:19:18,784
I'd always had a bit of a thing
for old Saint Valentine's.
414
00:19:18,785 --> 00:19:20,286
Oh, my God, I love this holiday.
415
00:19:20,287 --> 00:19:22,871
You know, maybe Valentine's
Day is not that bad.
416
00:19:22,872 --> 00:19:24,582
I freaking love Valentine's Day.
417
00:19:24,583 --> 00:19:26,876
He wasn't
even in this story.
418
00:19:26,877 --> 00:19:29,545
Wait, did I miss something?
419
00:19:29,546 --> 00:19:31,256
Different Valentine's Day.
420
00:19:31,715 --> 00:19:33,090
We'll get there.
421
00:19:35,176 --> 00:19:37,178
I'm sure she'll be
here any minute.
422
00:19:38,346 --> 00:19:41,141
- Right, Rupert?
- Of course, she will, sir.
423
00:19:44,561 --> 00:19:46,562
♪ Open up your eyes ♪
424
00:19:46,563 --> 00:19:48,522
♪ Then, you'll realize ♪
425
00:19:48,523 --> 00:19:52,443
♪ Here I stand with
my everlasting love ♪
426
00:19:52,444 --> 00:19:54,403
♪ Need you by my side ♪
427
00:19:54,404 --> 00:19:56,405
♪ Girl to be my bride ♪
428
00:19:56,406 --> 00:20:00,367
♪ You'll never be denied
everlasting love ♪
429
00:20:00,368 --> 00:20:02,328
♪ From the very start ♪
430
00:20:02,329 --> 00:20:04,288
♪ Open up your heart ♪
431
00:20:04,289 --> 00:20:08,208
♪ Feel that you're part
of everlasting love ♪
432
00:20:08,209 --> 00:20:11,170
♪ Oh! ♪
433
00:20:11,171 --> 00:20:14,925
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪
33409
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