Original subtitles

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That's not me.

- Next right, Cyprien. - Thanks, Diana.

Pastries!

Who wants to acquire chocolate breads free-of-charge?

Pastries!

Morning fresh delicacies!

- Look at all I picked up! - Jeez!

There's a Gaultier and a Dior...

I'm going to a gala with Eric Saturday.

I'll look hot in this.

Cool panties!

I've put on weight.

- I have. - I don't think so.

I'd like to point out, this is a work station.

- May I? - No, it's taken.

Enjoy your meal.

Have a great day.

Sorry, my fault.

Techie!

See you Tuesday.

- A quick update? - No!

We're closed!

- When do you open? - We don't!

Ever!

Leader One, you blow them away today at work?

An I.T. god like you, they must love you.

You're not entirely wrong.

- If you left, they'd be in shit. - Big time.

Gentlemen, a little vocal post-it note.

I'd appreciate total concentration.

Beat J-C Van Damme at Streetfighter World Championship 2003.

Guinness World Record holder for non-stop Matrix watching.

World Pacman Champion, Championship Edition 1981-1996.

2000: cracked the Millennium Bug without anyone noticing.

2003: hacked into the Pentagon as a bet.

Gentlemen, Takashi has pwned us.

Hey, dipshits, still running on MS-DOS?

Hey, Takashi,

if there was a B.S. forum, you'd be webmaster!

I hear your Mom's hitting on USB sticks in hell.

I click you, double-click you,

trash you and empty it.

You're a laser disc. You've ceased to exist!

Firewall!

Tough shit, pal,

he raised his firewall.

I liked laser discs.

Is your home environment

equipped with cable

or satellite?

We're dissing not asking.

Diss him.

Hey, Cyprien!

Make yourself an unlimited talk-free zone.

Game over!

Know what?

I got a 12-month talk-all-I-want deal!

That's what I should've said.

Chili con carne.

What's on the menu tonight?

No, thanks.

A bit hot.

I never heard that one.

Thanks, you too.

- Are you there? - I'm here, Gina.

Yes.

Cyprien...

She's taken a virginity pledge.

I guess that makes you equal.

Would you be so kind...

Are you sufficiently

magnanimous

to send the zapper my way, plz, 11:11?

The force...

Pick it up.

I told you, all this doesn't exist.

It's an illusion of the Matrix. None of this is there.

Why don't I get a job?

'Cos there's no point.

Like the pizza, gone tomorrow.

Sure, 'cos I'll pick it up.

Jeez, they're good!

Acquisition of pastries free-of-charge.

- Like your shoes. - They're Sergio Rossi.

And mine? They're just so Marilyn Monroe.

- What are yours? - They're Louboutin.

I love them.

- And yours? - Sergio Rossi.

This month's quiz.

Ready?

"Does your personality match your looks?"

Sure, I'll email it to you.

As soon as I can.

Cut it out!

See you later.

That guy sent me a text. What do I say?

Listen... You've got three choices.

"Be right there"

is coming on too hard.

"See you later" means you're in no hurry, but it's on.

"Bye for now" means you're hot to trot with principles.

What would you put?

I wouldn't reply.

Play it cool?

No, that pisses me off.

What about me? Am I coming?

No way, look at you!

No, c'mon, for a laugh.

Hi, Helena.

Hey.

- A quick update? - Yeah, if you want.

Gee!

You're gonna catch cold.

How come?

Leaving all these windows open on your computer

makes a heck of a draft.

That's funny.

Have a great day!

You, too.

You're gonna give me the runaround.

But I've put out bigger fires.

We'll have satellite link-up with Viviane in 3 minutes

to put the mag to bed.

Let's go.

Zilch! Did you set up the TV?

I don't know.

I think it's...

Hands off! Look at your hair.

The link's down.

- Sorry, Stan. - William...

The twins didn't sleep a wink.

No problem. Actually, I wanted a word.

Since you're a daddy, you're always late.

It's just not on, old chap.

You're fired.

What do you mean?

You're history, old boy.

Kindly remove from the room.

That'll be all.

Why the Britspeak?

Bad news sounds better in a funny accent.

That way you're not bitter.

- Please, don't do this. - Scram!

I have a wife and children. A mortgage.

Beat it.

Scumbag.

A family man gets trashed

and everything's cool?

I say, Mother Teresa has an issue here?

Call the Spazz.

This is Cyprien Gruwalski, I.T. manager.

Conference room, now!

4-eyes freaks me out

with those glasses.

Sorry to interrupt.

You forgot to hang up.

Picture operational.

We can't hear you, Mom.

Can't hear a thing.

But she's excited. You know why?

That's why!

Aurore Diamantis!

Sound operational.

Outrageous!

I'm gone 10 days and I find this.

A model on a mountain of steak!

Who do I thank for this?

Erwan.

Yeah, it was your idea.

Gotta give credit where it's due.

Even so, it's visually arresting.

It's what?

No, besides Helena's quiz,

which is acceptable,

the rest stinks.

So, Aurore Diamantis is a no-no?

Stanislas...

You living with that creature

is dubious enough,

but imagining her on the cover of my magazine,

that's just insane!

When our readers see the cover, I want them

to believe in God!

When you see this, you believe in fast food.

People have to say to themselves...

that God invented woman.

A woman like...

Gina MacQueen!

What the hell!

Great idea!

Where is he?

Where the hell is he?

Hey, sweetie-pie!

I knew she'd love it.

The cover wowed them, huh?

There's a slight glitch.

What?

I have good and bad news, which first?

The cover.

OK, the bad news.

She wants Gina Mac...

Pardon me?

She wants Gina MacQueen.

You're shitting me!

Not her! Not that bitch again!

You screwed up again!

She wants no one else.

It's the stupid geek's fault.

She's 26 years old!

I won't be quiet!

I'll yell if I want!

Calm down.

You promised me the cover!

You said you were a real man, a destroyer!

In fact, you're a nobody, a little shit!

A teeny-weeny little shit!

Calm down, Aurore.

I have good news, too.

I love you.

You're on the cover of my heart.

Can it!

I'm warning you, little shit.

This month, I'm the Dress Code cover

or you wave goodbye to these.

- Not that. - And to the rest.

Get lost, doofus!

She's crazy.

That's my fault, too.

He saved the day again.

The idea for the next cover girl? Buddy boy here.

If you left, they'd be in deep.

No kidding!

Already seen it.

Too late.

I got mail?

What shall we do tonight, then?

Hi, Gina.

How are you?

What's that darn thing doing there?

"Make your greatest dream come true."

Go away!

Some kind of scam.

There we go!

Goodnight, kids.

Screw you, asshole!

Honk to you, too, buddy!

Morning, Viviane.

Later.

Hey, Mom.

Have a good trip?

Gina MacQueen is totally unmanageable

since she began her spiritual quest.

The shoot's Thursday. Let's try to make it work.

Buy her a little gift from Vuitton.

I'm begging you, forget the idea.

Stan, be nice. Stay focused.

The gift, just the gift.

- Can I have a word? - Not now, Garfunkel.

- I'm Simon, not Garfunkel. - Scram!

Let me explain!

She just said yes.

She adores you, swears by you.

Pastries!

Who wants to acquire raisin heaven free-of-charge?

There was no reason to panic.

Look, I'll call you later.

See you.

What are you doing back, little spam?

This is harassment!

You leave me with no alternative.

I don't believe it!

Make your greatest dream come true?

Leave it in your hair.

Who's the boss here?

Just look at him.

May I?

Chilly.

Helena...

Can I ask you a question

of a relatively personal and intimate nature?

What?

When you hook up your hard drive to a firewire port,

do you reboot in failsafe mode?

Hold on, I'm lost. I have to finish this.

Sorry.

I didn't mean to be indiscreet.

Shit!

What?

It's crashed again.

Do you mind...

Not at all.

Au contraire.

I'm installing software

that should make life easier.

There we go!

"Installation successful."

What's so funny?

When I'm at Godzilla's with my friends

and we get the "installation successful" message,

we picture the programs in the computer

having some kind of party to celebrate.

"Good job, drivers,

"we dodged the start-up bug again."

"Our pleasure, mainframe, it's all about teamwork."

It's good to laugh.

Really good.

So, you're hot for Gina MacQueen?

Could be.

You can't fool me.

Anyway, I have a mission for you.

You'll give her our gift.

It's a very special gift.

This is between us. Mum's the word.

It's for Gina MacQueen?

My response is positive.

Good.

We're buddies, huh?

Yes.

- Mrs. Cailloux. - Look what I found...

Stuck in the elevator,

going up and down, scaring the neighbors.

Bye, Mrs. Cailloux.

What was that?

In two days,

Gina's being photographed for the magazine cover

and we've got her a thank-you gift.

They want me to give it to her.

What am I going to do?

What will I say?

And what if she rejects me out of hand?

She'll blow you off,

but I'll help you take it with dignity.

You wanna be a winner? First, you gotta taste defeat.

You gotta learn to accept that your phone doesn't ring.

Long wait, huh?

But the probability is zero

because we gave no one our number.

Precisely!

Kiki!

Women will humiliate you,

when you're most vulnerable.

It's busy.

You'll learn to work in enemy territory.

Shabbat Shalom, fags!

Is this place kosher?

I did it!

Above all, don't forget...

Never look straight at her breasts.

It's like Raiders of the Lost Ark.

- You'll be vaporized... - Immediately. I know.

- Cyprien Gruwalski? - Yes.

Dear Gina,

I really like your substance and your...

Gina, I love you.

No, too direct.

It'll be a great cover.

Do you have all you need?

Yes.

Cute little angel!

Yes, that's very good.

I sense...

a presence.

Yeah, me too.

I'll go get me a coffee.

Let's take a break.

What's this?

For Dress Code.

Let him go.

This has arrived for you.

From Dress Code for Gina MacQueen.

Relax, relax.

I'll be just here,

re-penetrating your inner being.

"Dear Gina...

"I'm honored to meet you. When I'm lucky enough to see you,

"I'm transported to another world.

"As if you were...

"a travel agency for the mind.

"I think you're wonderful in substance and style,

"so I'm...

"very honored to give you

"this gift

"that I have here."

You'll be vaporized.

Thanks.

A belt!

It's beautiful.

Look, Professor.

Yes, beautiful.

If it's not the right size, you can change it.

What is it?

Pervert!

Well?

What are you doing?

Answering a question I ask myself since I was a kid.

Get some bread while you're out.

Farewell, Kiki.

I don't have a second life.

I don't have the code to pull through.

My life's a mess.

My relationship with Gina,

that's a mess, too.

Game over.

If you don't go back to work, don't bother coming home.

I own this place.

OK, fair enough.

If you lose your job, what happens?

No cable, no internet.

The slippery slope.

Isn't it time you found a job?

Cyprien...

Yeah, you're right.

Tomorrow, you go look them in the eye.

And then...

You beg them to take you back, you get on your knees, you sob...

Like a man.

Who hired the pervert?

I repeat, who hired him?

Erwan. Don't worry, Mom,

I've taken every step to keep him out.

Where'd he get the idea?

Bullshit!

It is pretty wacko.

And pure genius!

Genius?

In the evil genius sense, I mean.

You're amazing.

Because of him, we've no cover.

The printer says next Monday is the final deadline.

What about Aurore Diamantis?

The photo was cool.

Hush, I'm thinking.

The mag will come out on time.

I want ideas for the cover before Friday.

Be nice, shut up.

Not a word.

Shut up.

There he is.

There!

It's him!

What the heck!

Whose face is that?

Whose voice is this?

How dare you show your face?

We'll bleed you like a fat sow!

We'll slit your slimy throat!

Who are you? What do you do?

Don't let him escape!

I.T.

Just walking in here to take a job, I like that.

Get outta here! And take your stupid scissors.

And you are?

I'm...

Jack

Price

Minister.

I'm Stanislas Wagner, Art Director of Dress Code magazine.

How'd you know the I.T. job was vacant?

Keeps his cards close to his chest. Very good.

There's something about you telling me to go for it.

I trust you. When can you start?

- Monday? - Mayday. Fine.

Great, Jack.

A techie with jokes and style...

I can't believe it.

Open up. I swear it's me.

What proof can you give me?

What proof...

In the first Star Wars trilogy,

how many different color light sabers?

Too easy, I refuse to answer.

Right answer.

In Back to the Future, what power is needed to travel in time?

2.21 gigawatts.

Correct.

But a lot of people know that.

Okay, in Indiana Jones...

and the Temple of Doom,

what does Mola Ram chant when he tries to rip out Indy's heart?

Kali ma shop tideh.

There's a bug in the Matrix.

Shit, nothing happens.

But it never runs out, it's crazy.

You're back to normal.

It's magic.

Good looks on demand.

From now on, anything is possible.

The Jedis,

E.T.,

time travel,

Dracula and Jesus Christ!

I can see Gina MacQueen again.

You are the chosen one.

You can have anyone you want. Forget Gina.

But now you're gonna need

some threads to keep you fresh.

It's Pretty Woman time.

No way will I sell my body.

Savings Account

Pastries!

Who wants to...

acquire...

This is Jack Price,

the new I.T. Manager.

OK, back to work.

Give him room.

This is your office.

And my predecessor's?

No, that was the storeroom.

- No one minds? - No one.

No, I'm busy.

Go on, say something!

Are you Mac or PC?

So, looks aren't everything.

It's sad women don't always remember that.

I wonder how much James Bond earns.

20 grand.

No way! James Bond does not earn 20 grand!

Drives an Aston Martin,

stays in 5-star hotels,

he's gotta earn 50-60 grand.

You're crazy, Kiki.

James Bond's a public servant,

like a Welfare official with a license to kill.

Her Majesty's service doesn't pay well.

He has an expense account.

Expenses?

So you're saying Bond has dinner with Goldfinger,

says to the waiter, "My name's Bond,

"can I have a receipt for expenses?

"Don't forget the sales tax."

Hell, he could pay with meal coupons!

We're full.

Is Cyprien here?

- Helena? - A girl!

What are you doing here?

I came to see how you're doing.

Wanna go for a walk?

I view the idea favorably.

Goodbye, ma'am.

- A walk? - I'll explain.

What's that?

The sign of peace on Vulcan in Star Trek.

Can I interview you and your pals?

Who'd be interested?

It's exciting to write about weird...

about unusual people who have

a profound connection to

video games and movies.

See what I mean?

What's the new guy like?

Totally superficial.

Really?

A good friend of mine,

who for secret reasons

has to keep his identity secret...

has a problem.

He doesn't know how to get a girl.

You're sweet.

It's not me, it's a friend, OK?

Seeing as you're an expert...

What's your friend say when he meets a girl?

"Hello, Chiquita,

"I suspect we're made for each other.

"Care to dance the blues?"

That's so lame.

Listen...

A pretty girl gets hit on 5 times a week on average.

If you work it out, that's 260 times a year.

In ten years, that means she's hit on 2,600 times.

According to official figures,

at 25, she's had 10 boyfriends.

2,600 minus 10...

Before she meets you, she's blown off 2,590 guys.

So your friend

with his "Chiquita, I suspect..." Yada yada.

Forget it.

What should he do then?

There's no one-size-fits-all system,

just 3 fundamentals.

You have to be mysterious...

What are you having?

I don't know. Guess.

He's so amazing!

- What did he say? - "Guess."

- Roast pork? - That's just not his style.

Unapproachable...

Unpredictable...

And self-confident.

Thanks.

Total class!

Thanks, Kiki.

First, let me say "Hello." I am known as Cyprien.

I'm into hi-tech high technology

and wireless wi-fi.

I'm ready to slide

like a USB stick into your hard drive.

Only with complete cordiality

and honorable intentions.

I'm the Art Director.

No, you listen! I've had it up to here.

I'm sick of it.

Listen carefully.

8 years I've planned these parties and nobody...

Hear me? Nobody...

Hi, Mom.

How are you?

Yeah.

The annual party will be a ball.

Honestly,

do I ever mess up what I undertake?

OK.

Can you have a little faith?

Can you have faith in your son?

Your only son. Your loving son.

She's hung up.

Good work, Jack.

I've been watching your style

and I'm not prone to compliments,

but I love your moves.

Nothing like that Spazz.

Sorry, who's "that Spazz"?

Listen up, everybody! Jack asks who "that Spazz" is.

Always helpful, always smiling.

"Cyprien, can you download Lost for me?"

"Have my sandwich, the trash is full."

"Put your finger in the plug to check the juice."

And they call me the Spazz.

Do I look like a spazz?

I'm here for the interview.

- Ready to roll? - Sure.

1, 2... 1, 2... Can you hear me?

Yeah, fine.

She sells sea shells on the sea shore.

Sorry.

Sorry, just...

Get my energy up.

Full name?

- Hey, Cyprien. - Hello, Helena.

- Profession? - None.

I'm CEO of this cybercafé

and its leading light.

I was also first to have Pacman in France.

- Kudos. - Thanks.

Webmaster at Dress Code.

Well, I was.

Currently writing a script for Keanu Reeves,

and other stuff.

Kiki-nu Reeves? Just kidding.

Girlfriends?

I nearly made love once.

- Once? - Yeah.

Girlfriends, Juju?

Actually, it's not that simple...

As a result of gaming, have you ever had...

epileptic fits?

Yeah, sure.

Not your dinky little fit, real humdingers.

The first 12 are pretty scary.

The first 12?

If you had a super...

Sorry.

If you had a super power, which one?

Pass.

Chernobyl.

Right...

5 years ago, he spent 6 months in Chernobyl.

He hoped to pick up a super power.

- And? - Ever since milk makes him sick.

But he's translated all of Tolstoy.

He speaks Russian?

No, not a word.

It's in 3 parts.

First, I split in 2.

Then I become miniature and enter myself,

and then I drive myself.

Kiki, take a left.

That's a super power.

- Robo-car. - Yeah!

Your favorite actor?

Michael J. Fox.

First thing you think of?

Cookies.

I find that question a touch personal.

Preferred means of transit?

Roller blades.

Me, too.

I'm over here.

- Your favorite drink? - Fizzy orange

and fizzy lemonade.

Dreamy!

Your guilty pleasure?

Do you have a female icon?

I'm a big fan of actresses

who combine glamour and pizzazz.

I'm thinking of...

Pamela Anderson.

You can be chic and sexy, that's my ideal woman.

If you could change something in the world, what'd it be?

What would you change?

Nature?

Human nature.

And if you could change something about yourself?

- About me? - Yes.

The tape's stopped.

Thanks, Cyprien.

What do you think of her?

She's superb.

Yo, brother.

So fresh.

Yeah! Nice, man.

What's this?

A book signing with a Star Wars actor.

We're not going.

We'd rather die than go crawling to Takashi's.

Who's he?

What's their problem?

We were all in the same gang of crazy young guys. United.

Then came the clash.

I'll never forget the date.

It was October, 1999.

The 13th.

The release of the second Star Wars trilogy.

We saw it sucked right away.

Takashi and his buddies loved it.

Said it was the future.

Bullshit!

They sold out!

All that for a movie?

It's not a movie.

It's Star Wars!

What's going on? What is all this?

Why are you on your knees?

Just doing my job.

That's beneath you.

You, get in there.

- Back to work. - The USB port.

Come here.

Listen up...

It's absolutely huge.

It is absolutely huge!

- What's wrong? - Nothing.

Nothing's wrong. Gina's gift was a set-up.

The Spazz'll get them for this!

It was a Matrix set-up.

Give me a break with the Matrix!

If you give me a break with your stupid spray.

You're only jealous!

I accept myself as I am.

- Your problem is that... - You're too easy on yourself.

As you are.

That's your problem.

Now if you'll kindly step aside.

I have things to do,

people to see.

Excuse me.

And if I show you this! And that!

Still got people to see?

You loser!

Looking for a guy on MySpace?

Just for fun.

Yeah, sure.

You put your real name for fun?

Your real job? All for fun.

I'd no idea your stats were 1m75 and 59 kilos.

You can talk!

Who was your last guy?

I can't find one.

You won't if you don't look.

As for my weight, I started a diet yesterday.

I am looking.

You're going to the party?

Sure.

I'd totally planned to go. Not you?

I'm seeing the text guy tonight.

Going like that, are you?

I have time.

I don't take 3 hours to get ready.

You'll see, this party's...

gonna really kick ass.

Gonna be really lame ass. I should've known.

A party organized by Stanislas Wagner, for Christ's sake.

It can't be worse than last year's at Aquasplash.

Can I get an autograph?

Feel the speed!

Hey, everybody!

On behalf of Dress Code and Viviane Wagner,

whose son I am honored to be,

and myself whose honor it is...

What a jerk!

Be right back.

Look!

May I say you're dazzling tonight?

An Igloo party!

It's worse than I imagined.

These damn skates!

I hear a lot of good things about you.

You think you can save us from this disaster?

Perhaps.

What a dreamboat!

Awesome!

Cut it out!

Come on!

Round and round!

No hands!

Hands!

Hands away!

Compliments of the Spazz!

Douchebag!

Left a bit more.

A bit more. That's good.

What are you doing?

Measuring Amandine's ass.

D'you think she'd appreciate that?

She knows.

3/4 of a thumb.

Thanks. Next!

Next contestant, Laurence.

Laurence?

Monique Crambart? Stupid idea.

Olga Razenec? You must be joking.

She looks like a man.

Eva Petrova?

That's more like it, but she did Vogue last month.

Find out.

Get active or June won't be ready before Xmas.

Is that all?

Don't say Aurore Diamantis.

Aurore, it's me.

Rack your brains.

Don't flee happiness.

What else can I say?

Call me back.

- Are we disturbing you? - Sorry.

I've been thinking about

your problem.

I have an idea

that I'd describe as pure genius.

Despite everything,

I suggest

Gina MacQueen.

She's vanished since the 4-eyes incident.

I have my sources.

- Why'd she accept? - I'll ask her nicely.

He'll ask her nicely. He's marvelous.

Thanks, Viviane.

It's also a mission for someone...

who's a very sharp cookie.

Helena.

You're kidding?

Yes, Helena.

What about me?

I had a long talk with Jack.

He told me a quite extraordinary story.

About Henry Ford.

You know, the carmaker?

He gave his son a job very high up in his organization

and he turned out to be a total stinker.

So he made him start over

right at the bottom of the ladder.

When old man Ford died, his son took over

and made it what it is. Amazing, huh?

A great story, Mom.

Yup.

Tomorrow, I'm stuck with the nutcase.

He asked me to go with him down south.

He thinks he can win over MacQueen.

What do you think

the world's most beautiful woman

wants to hear to be won over?

I'm not beautiful, but that's very sweet of you.

It's just I thought you and me were...

Friends?

Don't worry, I meant someone else.

I wasn't hitting on you.

After all,

who'd kiss a guy like me? Sooner die!

It's not so bad in movies.

The girl ends up losing her prejudices.

But that's make-believe.

If you don't like it, you can walk out.

Walk out of the theater.

Hold on...

That's not what I meant.

Shit!

I'm so stoked about going down south with you.

Two childhood buddies.

You can win Gina's heart

and I'll be there to applaud.

I hope the room has twin beds.

I'm not sleeping with you.

But no.

No road trip for the 2 buds, now you dumped me like a turd.

Enjoy your weekend!

Have fun with your magic spray.

It'll be wild.

I can't stand it.

Hollering like that you have no chance of seducing her.

How would you plan on seducing me?

That's easy.

I'd get myself a boob job, dye my hair blonde

and remove half my brain.

Touché, Chiquita.

Sorry, we're a tiny bit French.

Welcome, anyway.

We booked 2 rooms in the name of Dress Code magazine.

Why don't we just get 1 room?

Yeah, very subtle.

Don't scratch at my door butt naked tonight.

Look, Mr. One-Track-Mind, I didn't drive 800 kms

to take cheesy shit like that.

We don't talk at work, we're not gonna cozy up here and...

Burn, you scuzzball!

Say...

My friends and I are wondering where Ms. MacQueen is dining.

I beg your pardon?

I believe there's some mistake. I'm a bellhop.

We take an oath.

You're mistaking me for a simple doorman.

If you don't mind...

You?

Dinner at 9 at La Grande Vigne.

One night only, we'll pretend to be a couple.

Try to look presentable. Maybe...

visit the beauty salon.

I'm seeing you tonight

Hey, Gina

Tonight's the night

And I have the...

The spray!

Pizza?

Kiki!

Damn, no signal!

Yes, can I help you?

I know you've got the spray! Bring it here right now!

Catch a train, come down to Bordeaux?

That's kinda out of my way.

Look, let me check my schedule

and I'll get back to you.

Let's go!

Typical!

Nowhere to park.

Just great.

It's a question of life...

of life or death! Call me back.

I'm relying on you.

Try dressing as a girl more often.

So, this is your Château Lafite 2001.

Wow, serious stuff!

Thanks.

- Can we maybe lose the gum? - Oh, yeah.

- Who's the wacko? - Casper Boudoni.

Gina's guru. Your job's to get him out of the picture.

There she is.

Look and learn.

It's a pleasure to meet you at last.

What?

I learned a lot.

I'll have the sea bass.

She'll have breaded veal.

I will?

Breaded veal is perfect for you.

And for me...

the sea bass.

While she's with him, she won't look at you.

It's so predictable.

The need to be seen, the surrogate father...

Breaded veal.

The usual shebang.

Breaded veal.

I don't know...

Get to work. You're the shrink.

Good evening. The negative vibes inside are terrible.

Maybe this'll help.

My talents are required.

I'll be right back.

What about me?

I'm very sorry.

Together...

What's wrong with you?

This the blind table?

I'm not blind.

I don't believe it.

You act like you can't see anyone.

I know what's hiding behind your silly dark glasses.

A huge lack of affection.

A Daddy MacQueen. Not around.

You dreamed of being the prettiest little girl for him,

but he was never there for Baby Mac.

Now, it's time

to stop looking for a Daddy or a Boudoni.

It's simply time

to find a man...

A real man.

Hi, Gina.

Need massage. Let me do it.

Hands off or you're toast!

Coming, Professor?

Yes.

- The Lakeside Suite. - See you there.

She turns me on!

- The key? - Whose key?

I didn't come butt naked,

but I can't send my emails.

You're a gamer?

I'd never have thought.

You look stressed. Yes, you still have work to do.

Cut it out.

Give me your computer.

Thank you.

Your predecessor would have fixed it by now.

You got on with him?

Cyprien?

He was a nice guy.

Is that all?

No.

I kick myself for messing up with him.

He was funny, with a sense of humor that...

It was a strange sense of humor.

His jokes were...

- Shall I call for help? - No, I'm fine.

You're shaving?

Yes, I...

I didn't digest the appetizers.

You're sure I can't get help?

No, I'm fine.

Open up, you're scaring me.

I'm coming in.

Don't be silly, open up.

Open up, this is freaking me out.

- Who are you with? - No one.

You made it?

I reworked...

I reworked my schedule.

Give me the spray.

Are you sure?

Positive.

Remember Spiderman. With great power comes...

Great responsibility.

What's going on?

Come out!

Sorry.

It took me some time to find my aftershave.

Everything's OK.

Watch out, I'm coming in.

- Take me. - What the heck!

Take what?

Take me right now.

We're all looking for the perfect love

with a handsome Prince Charming.

I wrote a poem for you.

Gina

Gina

When my eyes see ya My heart beats...

Can it!

What's going on?

That's not a good position.

That's good.

I love you.

Stop being so damn polite!

Gina, you've lost your mind.

Allow me to propose marriage.

I'm not a machine.

I had a horrible dream.

I dreamed I woke up next to that pervert.

I have one hell of a headache.

Don't worry, it was just a bad dream.

Go back to sleep.

You did it!

My boy, you did it!

It's all in here, forever.

It was awesome, so awesome.

But Kiki, I'd...

I was so wrong. You were right.

She's just made for you.

Hold on, I don't care about her.

It's already over.

When will you tell her you're Cyprien?

Tell her what?

You don't seem to get it.

Get what?

You don't get there's anything to get.

I can't tell you, you won't get it either.

You're a jerk, Kiki.

Don't get me wrong, I like you,

but your life's a dead end.

You slow me down and I need to move forward.

I gotta go, got lots to do.

I don't know you anymore.

Really?

I know who I am.

Yeah, an asshole.

I say it because I like you.

You're irresistible, Jack.

Dress Code's first male cover model.

Cyprien's voicemail. Have a great day!

Your name's on everybody's lips. You're smoking!

Congratulations.

Would you agree to be the new Art Director?

Take your time. Think it over. There's no pressure.

You have a free hand.

I decide that tomorrow's trend

will be blondes with big breasts.

I want everybody in this office to go blonde.

Is strawberry blonde OK?

You're fired!

Goodbye.

You're fired.

He's a dictator, a fascist.

Please! Get off your high horse.

What are you doing? Give me that. I didn't fire you.

You want me to stay? To do the Top 100 big-titted blondes?

That's an awesome idea. Awesome!

Listen up!

Next month, we'll do the Top 100 big-titted blondes.

Pathetic. You disappoint me.

- What's your scent? - My secret. Why?

It stinks.

Erwan!

Divine.

Kiki, it's me.

I already left 2 messages. Call me.

I'm playing here!

Get that into your...

Crazy!

Get off me!

That's it, I've lost.

Fuck it!

You have reached

the dark side of my cellphone.

May the voice be with you.

Kiki, it's me.

This is my 5th message.

Call me.

Down, boy!

It's 4-eyes.

I don't believe it!

I don't know...

Call the Art Director. We'll ask his opinion.

I saw him! It's him!

What's wrong?

It's him, the I.T. guy.

The 4-eyed douchebag!

He sprays himself...

and becomes a hot guy.

Of course. We understand.

Jack's deodorant use surprised you.

Let us finish up here. We'll talk later.

You don't believe me.

I'll prove it.

I'll prove it!

It's pathetic. I'm embarrassed for him.

Falling so low.

You're fired.

Maybe we can look at the silver ones again...

No.

Let's...

Let's forget it for now.

You're fired, I said.

Look at the dorks they send me.

Hey, it's 4-eyes!

It is.

First, let me say "Hello." I am known as Cyprien.

I'm looking for someone who could love me.

A month, an hour, a day.

It'd be nice for you to be the love of my life.

I already love you with all my heart,

even though I don't know what to do. But I learn fast.

Maybe you're already cheating on me?

It's cool, I forgive you.

We're all looking for the perfect love

with a handsome Prince Charming,

who has all the qualities society demands.

For this article, I met the people least likely to find perfect love.

Nerds, geeks, losers, call them what you will.

They include Cyprien, Kiki, Juju, Godzilla,

fans of video games, movies and I.T.

They're the kind who opt out of life,

people you wouldn't give a second glance.

He may not know it, Cyprien could make a woman happy.

We all know a Cyprien.

Even if the world is what it is,

after this, I hope you'll want to meet these guys,

open up your eyes

and truly look at them.

I have an exciting life.

Every morning when I get up...

Hi, this is Cyprien, how are you?

I'm just back from vacation. That's why

I'm tanned.

If I'm good enough for you, you're good enough for me.

That sounds like a song.

If I'm good enough for you

You're good enough for me

Time is nothing for those who wait.

So...

I'll wait.

See you soon.

There you go. Goodbye.

Record-breaking weather. Sunshine all over the country

and don't forget the big news for fans.

Today, the new PlayStation is out.

What a bunch of saddos?

Us? Saddos? You're the saddo!

We're at the front of the line.

Amazing!

Hi, friends.

Hello. So you remember your friends?

No, he's gone over to the Dark Side.

Well? Everything OK?

Don't stay too long, we're all losers.

Traitor!

Well, friends,

I wanted to apologize.

I acted like a D.I.C.K.

It's too late.

Because of you, the Matrix has won.

No, back of the line.

I'm begging you, Master Yoda.

You're my only hope.

Give me a second chance.

I won't let you down.

Heads are gonna roll.

Looks that way.

Please! Excuse me!

Can I have your attention a moment?

Well...

Last night, I...

I had a dream.

I dreamed of a world where differences

would be riches. I dreamed

of a world where the mixture...

You don't care.

Don't worry, I'm not firing anyone.

In that case, we don't care!

Right, I wanted to say

I'm leaving.

I quit.

What are you doing?

I gave you my trust and responsibilities.

The hardest thing isn't to be a star, but to stay one.

No star lasts forever.

You're not quitting, you're fired.

I yield to you.

But if the star can give a final piece of advice...

Yes.

Give your son some love, he needs it.

I want a proposal for the cover before this afternoon.

OK.

And make sure he never finds another job.

- In any magazine. - No problem.

Ask my son to come see me.

I'll do it.

- You seen Helena? - No.

Hey, you!

I'm ashamed to be here.

Who does he play in Star Wars?

No way.

In episode 2, "Wounded Imperial Guard".

It's a major event!

Look!

That's him doing a stunt.

That's him.

That's him, too.

Check out how he catches the light.

There, behind Charly Bix, his brother-in-law.

They're always a team.

What's the difference between him and him?

That other guy is

Paul Trombo.

They don't act the same way.

- She hasn't got a clue. - She sucks.

I thought it was the second trilogy that sucked.

It's not that simple.

- Keep moving. - Take it easy.

- Who's that? - The dick.

I was looking for you.

What for?

I have to talk to you.

I'm not exactly what I am.

But one thing I'm sure of...

is that you count for me.

I never heard anything so lame.

Stanislas?

Yeah.

OK, Price,

duck! I'm gonna croak you!

Unless you're not Price, but 4-eyes.

So this is your shitty world?

I'm armed! I'll use it.

- Is that your woman? - Are you nuts?

I lost my woman! And my mother!

Is nobody gonna help?

You bunch of goggle-eyes! Bunch of squinters!

Little 4-eyes!

Come back here!

- Cool it. - I'll break your glasses.

I dodge every object.

That hurts!

- You baboon, what's going on? - Who's a baboon?

What's your problem?

I'll tell your mother.

Where are you going?

Hide!

He's gonna get gobbled.

Get out now.

Out!

It's just you and me, 4-eyes.

You can't escape.

OK, I'll take the stairs.

Think of Mommy.

Don't mention my mother.

It's creaking.

Chill out, Stanislas Wagner.

Not the clothes, we said.

Truce!

That's enough.

Let's be sensible.

- Violence won't solve anything. - I totally agree.

- Let's go for a drink. - See, we're cool.

You'll never see Price again!

Prepare to enjoy death.

I haven't thrown him yet!

This is aggravated 1st degree murder.

Leader One!

Hey, you mean you can walk?

It's not that simple.

I told you. But Stan's too stupid!

Don't move or he takes the big drop.

What does the baddie do?

Crushes the good guy's hand.

We get your point.

We agree with you.

But can you just let him go now?

He must pay for what he did to me.

And then...

And then, I...

You don't have a plan.

That's bullshit! You don't have a plan.

Yeah...

I don't have a plan. So what?

He hasn't got a plan!

I can't hold on anymore.

My buddy.

My friend. Hold on.

I can't hold on.

On your feet.

Go on, my friend. Go on!

Why didn't you say?

He's embarrassed he's so ugly.

Shut it!

He's not wrong, though.

I never heard anything so pathetic.

In any case,

you were right. Life's more exciting than movies.

Because...

Maybe we're mental retards.

And maybe

some of us

will live their whole lives

at their parents', in underpants

and eating frozen pizzas till they retire.

And some of us

will never be the lifeblood

of the nation.

And it's probable some of us

will spend their whole lives jobless,

thinking Matrix is for real

and watching pixilated porn.

But it doesn't matter

because we chose that life!

Nobody will ever tell us how to screw up our lives.

Because we may be losers, but we're free losers!

Wanna screw up your life with me?

We'll have to see,

but how about stopping by the dentist's first?

It's extraordinary.

This whole adventure hasn't taught me a thing.

I haven't changed. I'm still the same. Shiny.

Come here!

Somewhere out in the pampa

Subtitles by: Simon John

Subtitling: VDM