All language subtitles for Alone.S11E04.Legacy.720p.AMZN.WEB-DL.H264-FLUX

Beaver. Oh, hell yeah.

Did I get him?

Oh, please, God, let
me have gotten him.

Oh, my God, there's nothing. .

Just look what I got here.

That is a beautiful rabbit.

First rabbit, here
in the Northland,

200 kilometers north
of the Arctic Circle.

Got him.

Knocked him right in the head.

I've come to realize that
I'm right where I belong.

Lost my fishing line
out of my backpack.

And I can't find it.

I'm worried that my body

will start becoming
weaker and weaker.

I got a fish in the
net. Look at that.

Check it out, people.
I got a monster pike.

This is the hunt of my lifetime.

I want this moose as bad I've
wanted any animal in my life.

Oh, my gosh.

Dropped about 10
feet in front of it.

I'm not tappin' out.

I'd rather die.

Here goes nothing.

Whoa!

Yes!

Holy [bleep].

This is the harshest
location possible.

We're 125 miles in
the Arctic Circle.

Never had an environment

make me feel like a
complete amateur before.

Everything is
against us out here.

Mother Nature went
and bitch-slapped me.

Looks like I've got grizzlies
and wolves as my neighbors.

Holy crap. They're just
hunting the shoreline.

Mother Nature is about
to dim the lights on us.

We're heading into
total darkness.

Hey, bear.

The cold and the dark is
going to sap people's souls.

Really makes you wonder
if it's worth it.

There is no camera crew.

There's no support system.

I'm completely alone.

Yes!

People go in one way...

Stop bleeding.

And they come out
entirely different.

This is the most difficult

survival challenge in the world.

Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!

$500,000.

That's completely
life-changing money.

It's beautiful.

Whoever can thrive the longest.

If they out here, ought
to be afraid of me.

Whoever can push through...

Wins.

I hope I've made the right
choice coming out here.

Really hate to do it
'cause it's gon' be cold,

but I can't stand dirty hair.

So...

It's hair-washing time.

Oh, my goodness.

All right, this stuff here's
a good abrasive stuff.

Man.

Gosh, I'm muddy.

Well, I hope that worked.

'Cause if it didn't, my
hair's gon' be a mess now.

Now I'm gonna turn
the camera off

and wash my other
end, in private.

Feel better.

Let's run down to
the fishing spot.

So I would really like
to catch some fish.

My goodness.

Hey.

I believe I see
that thing shaking.

Please.

There's something yanking on it,

so I'm preparing
myself for battle.

All right, guys.

Oh, please.

Please, please.

Feel something.

Oh, my goodness.

Ah, I got me a fish!

Don't... you ain't
going nowhere, buddy.

I'll stomp on
you. I don't care.

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Hey. Hey.

Gotcha.

Ah!

Yes.

That's a good-sized pike.

I'm gon' dispatch this guy.

There now. He's
not going nowhere.

Heck yeah.

This'll be good for me.

I hope.

Pike is a really bony fish.

If you ain't careful,
you're gonna get some bones.

I raised up eating catfish.

Oh, yeah.

Ain't hardly no
bones in a catfish.

Excuse me.

I like catfish a lot
better than pike.

Sorry about that, guys.

Hate to say that.
It's true, though.

Small, but cozy.

All right.

If you're inland, you
gotta be efficient.

I wanted my shelter to
be close to resources,

like, I gotta build a stove.

There's a lot of clay and
stuff at the edges of the bank

that I can haul down and
use to make a stove out of.

But that's the only
material that I gotta walk.

Everything else is close by.

So you're not gonna waste
as much energy building it.

Also, sizing the shelter
is very important

because a large shelter
takes more and more energy

to heat that air volume.

I spent a few nights in a igloo.

I know what body heat can
do in a small shelter.

One more trip of clay.

OK.

Whoa.

This is a skill not known
by many outside of Labrador.

You look for a
long, skinny stick.

And then you get a rabbit snare.

And you wind it around
on the tip of the stick.

And you put the snare
over his head and snare.

Let's go that way.

That's good.

One right there.

When I see a grouse, I watch
and see what he's doing first.

The key to getting
him is making sure

you get the stick
out in front of him

so he can't fly because
there's a obstacle in his way.

And then slowly try to get
that noose around his neck.

Damn.

Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh.

Awesome, awesome, awesome.

I tell you, persistence...
persistence pays off.

I'll bide my time and wait
for when they tame down a bit,

and then just do it again.

Gosh, I was surprised
to see so many.

Good sign. Real good sign.

Over here, in my
little food cache.

I got a couple different caches.

I don't store
everything in one place.

That way, if something
comes to one site,

they're not gonna get all of it.

Oh, see, he's going
over right there.

This is a skill that a lot
of people could benefit.

Maybe there's people out
there that don't know how

to shoot a bow like me.

Don't move. Don't move.
Don't move. Don't move.

Oh.

To show this skill
that others could use

to help them in
their adventures...

Yeah, get back and
get this cleaned up.

Toss that out there.

Back there on that branch again.

Aah!

Ugh, failing miserably.

I'm going to add layers
of debris for insulation.

An owl. Hi.

Oh, my God, you're so beautiful.

What is up with you, owl?

How magical.

Get you on video 'cause this
is too frickin' awesome.

I need my glasses.

What a blessing.

What in the world
are you doing awake?

I'm sure the Gwich'in
have some type of meaning

associated with a
visit from an owl.

Hopefully it's good.

Wow.

That was spectacular!

I'm gonna go do some foraging.

Let's go find some vetch.

My mind is blown at how well
I'm foraging in the Arctic.

Hmm, there's some
right over here.

Sweetvetch is an edible root.

There we go.

I'm gonna be focusing
a lot on the roots.

A lot of carbohydrates in roots.

Ha! And I got it that
time, the whole thing.

Yay.

The Arctic is similar
to my home in Alaska.

And my foraging skills,
that's gonna take me far.

Yum. That's a beast.

But I haven't gotten a
single source of protein.

All right, good for now.

I am going to go
over to the lake,

see if my beaver comes back.

Foraging is keeping
me in the game.

But gotta get some meat.

Let's go this way.

I did try some handline fishing.

But I can't catch fish if
I don't have real bait.

Sucks I missed that beaver.

But I just have to be ready.

What is that?

There's something
rustling around over here.

Oh, my God.

There's grouse up in that tree.

Holy [bleep].

Crap.

Please, God.

Could really use this.

Oh, my God.

Holy crap, I got it.

Oh, my God.

Ptarmigan.

Thank you for giving
your life for me

so I could sustain mine.

Wow.

This is a game changer for me.

I just got protein.

It's absolutely amazing,

this feeling of accomplishment.

He's not using his trails.

He might be gone.

I needed this.

And this is a lot
of food for me.

I'm looking at this ptarmigan,

and I should have a
week's worth of meals.

This is also some bait that I
desperately needed for fishing.

With the innards for bait,

I'm going to have no problem
getting fish from this lake.

I'm gonna make some
ptarmigan soup.

Because of my ownership
of a fishing lodge,

I am going to get a lot of grief

if I cannot feed myself
via fishing out here.

Sauté up a little bolete and
sweetvetch so I get my carbs.

If I can just store up the carbs

and keep hunting the protein,
I'm gonna keep going.

Mm, the meat's good.

This bird has changed
everything about this game.

Mmm.

My confidence is
starting to build.

That is amazing.

I don't know if my belly
hurts or if my damn back does.

Hard work, hard work.

I got a few little spots,

I can stack my extra wood
in here, keep it dry.

'Cause these boughs will...
will make the water shed.

So they won't let all of it in.

And won't let all the smoke
out till it hits the top.

But if not, we can
redo it, you know?

I gotta stay busy
all the time or...

I start thinking
about my family.

And that's not good to
do while you're out here.

When I first started
into this adventure,

I was afraid that I was
gonna have a lot of trouble,

missing home.

Now, I miss my family,

but I haven't missed it like
I thought I was going to.

Cut one more stick, and we'll
call it good for my crossbars.

My wife, I've been married
to her for 13 years.

And I wouldn't change
one minute of it.

She's a honest, good woman.

She loves the same things I
do, deer hunting, fishing.

But the most important
thing to me is

that's the best mama
in the world, you know?

She's right up
there with my mama.

That'll work.

So I'm pretty settled
with everything back home.

And I really don't got
nothing to worry about.

I'ma take a little
break from that

and catch y'all
in a little while.

Boy, I tell you, the...

the [bleep] I don't
get on camera.

But...

here's my first grouse I've
ever killed in my life.

I ain't gonna lie, I shot at
him, like, three, four times.

I was so excited to seen him.

I...

Poom. Miss him.

Ready?

Poom. Miss him.

I snuck around like I was
just gonna go around him,

like I wasn't after him.

Well, I closed the
distance that way.

And when I did, I
just turned back

and went, poom, like that.

And boy, I centered
it, rolled him over.

So first grouse.

Now, here's my
other gaiter here.

Now I'ma gonna grab ahold of him

and give him a little yank...

Just like that.

Possible to use them
as, uh, arrow fletches.

Oh, my belly.

Man, my belly.

I constantly burping too.

I don't know what
that's all about.

But I'm sure it's not good.

That's what's gonna
happen, though.

When you playing
the starving game,

you can watch yourself starve.

But when you got something
going on in your belly

and you don't know
what's going on,

it's a lot more concerning.

I'm scared to death that
I've caught some kind of...

Beaver Fever, or beaver...

God knows what out of that
damn creek over there.

I hope and pray to God it's not,

because that could
get bad quick.

Right above my belly button.

It started out as a knot.

It's progressed to a burning.

And now it's a sharp pain.

Ah.

I don't really know
what's going on.

Oh, I got lightheaded
on that one.

All right.

Later, my friends.

I don't have my
picture hanging up.

I need to get my
picture hanging up.

I didn't want a photo.

Yeah, I know what my loved
ones look like. I feel it.

But I didn't want to come
without anything cool.

Ta-da!

The grandkids drew this for me.

Elina, age 10, drew this.

James, also known as
"Monster," drew my house.

So this is my life in a
nutshell; bears and home.

I miss 'em all.

But I'm doing this to better us.

A couple more months.

All righty, back to work.

Now that I have some bait,

I am going to make
some gorge hooks.

I'm gonna carve a couple up.

And I'm gonna set them on
a long line in the lake,

and get some type of passive
protein source going.

Just looking for
the right stick.

There we go.

Now that I have ptarmigan
innards for bait,

I am going to fish
this lake hard

and hopefully
catch a bottomfish,

you know, some
pike, some burbot.

In case you're not
familiar with a gorge hook,

you sharpen both ends.

And a fish doesn't chew;
a fish just sucks it in.

And so it goes in,
and then it twists,

and it lodges down
inside of the fish.

So going primitive.

And primitive is sometimes
a little bit more brutal,

but usually a very successful
way of fishing passively.

Love them things.

Back home, I have
a family of jays

that I've been
feeding for years.

I hear ya.

Ooh, that's on there good.

See it?

One of the biggest decisions
we made as a family

was moving to Alaska.

OK, gorge hook number one.

We had two children, at
the time, living at home,

in Central Oregon.

We had a successful
masonry company.

But we had found ourselves

getting caught up in a lifestyle

of money was the most important.

And we were losing the
priority of our family.

Living remote, the
first couple months,

I can't believe our
marriage survived.

I can't believe we
physically survived.

We had to learn to...
to do it all on our own.

Just do a couple more.

But everything was about

bringing the family
back together.

It's a lot easier to
be focused on someone

when you go sit
around a campfire

and have a river
trickle behind you.

The outdoors just
helped unify us.

Everything was together outside.

That's what I have
going, gorge hooks.

And that's pretty cool.

I'm gonna get baited up.

In Alaska, I started to become
at peace with myself as well,

which has been an ongoing
battle my entire life.

Where did I put my bait?

I wrapped my bait
in spruce boughs.

Oop, there it is.

Fell down again.

Oh, my God!

Did something come
and eat my bait?

You ass[bleep]!

Oh, my God!

How's that even possible?

No.

Did something come
and eat my bait?

This [bleep] was secure.

And I hung it.

It had to have been a damn bird.

Canadian jays?

Well, they picked it clean.

You ass[bleep]!

Needed that bait.

This is a bit of
a serious setback.

Let me tend to my fire,

calm the [bleep] down.

I'm coming to the
end of my bird.

And using some of my meat
for bait isn't an option.

I need to eat that meat.

I cannot believe that happened.

That was a lot of bait that I
desperately needed for fish.

I'll figure it out.

Stay positive and figure it out.

It's all I can do.

I've spent my life
beating myself down.

And it comes to life
when I make mistakes...

See if I could flush
a grouse or ptarmigan

out of this row of spruce.

Out here, when
something goes wrong,

it's going to bring that
battle to the forefront.

If I don't improve on it out
here, it's gonna break me.

What is that?

Are those boletes?

God, they're huge!

Wow.

I have never in my life

come across a bolete
batch like this.

I'm gorging myself on mushrooms.

Unbelievable.

My daughter and
my granddaughter,

they have picked up
behaviors from me...

Oh, my God, there's
another bolete patch.

The insecurity, the
inability to make a mistake.

Unbelievable.

I need to show them that
it's OK to make mistakes.

It doesn't make you less than.

In fact, it makes you stronger
that you could push through.

Just keep trying.
Don't give up.

That one's beautiful.

Wow.

Unbelievable!

Large amount of food.

I am focused on making sure
my thoughts stay positive.

No luck on the birds.

But we'll figure that out later.

Uh, I'm about to get up.

Been lying around a lot
today, not feeling too good.

I've got a burning ball
of fire in my belly.

I got some worries
on my mind but...

We'll see how they
work out, I guess.

You can't plan on everything.

You can't say, "Well, today
is a good day to feel bad"

or "Today is a good
day to feel good."

happens,

and you just gotta deal
with it as you get to it.

All right.

Let's nibble on a
little bit of grouse.

I'm not hungry at all.

But I'm not gonna let it waste.

There's so much more to see,
to do, to experience here.

So I need to keep
pushing through.

I'm just gonna go ahead
and force myself to eat.

God.

I will not kill nothing else
until this gets settled.

All right.

My stomach feels like [bleep].

We're gonna go for us
a little walkabout.

Maybe it'll stretch
out or something.

Still burns.

It's got me worried to death...

If this is something serious.

Oh, God.

Makes it hard to walk.

I'm gon' turn this off.

I ain't gon' make
y'all watch me suffer.

All right, guys.

I'm gonna reveal...

my worries that I've had

for the last couple days

because they're
not getting better.

I've hid it...

and it's embarrassing.

But I haven't used the
bathroom in ten days.

The burning pain, it's
not getting better.

I mean, what am I
gonna get out of it?

Possibly put in the
hospital, possibly surgery.

This is one of
the hardest things

I've ever done in my life.

I'm throwing something away
that I'll never get back.

This is Dusty.

I'm officially tap...

I'm officially tappin' out.

I don't know if it's
nerves or what's going on,

if I ate the wrong kind
of berries or something,

but I haven't... went to
the bathroom in ten days.

And I've got a ball
of fire right here.

My wife said she didn't
care how long I stayed,

just come home in one piece.

And, uh, I'd rather walk out now

instead of y'all
carrying me out.

I'll have to live
without the money.

I have for 35 years.

I'm just proud
that I've actually

went on the adventure,
like, got out.

This is the first
time I've ever been...

anywheres in life.

Uh, means a lot to me.

I'm very glad that I come
out here to attempt this.

I wish it would have
went better for me.

But I don't need the money.

As long as I got my
family, I'm happy.

But this place,

it's made me open my
eyes to a lot of stuff.

You know, I always
said, "Where I was born,

it's just the perfect
place for me."

But I was living
in my dream world.

This place is beautiful.

It's just true wild.

It shows me that there
is a lot more out there

than just my home.

I think, at least once a year,

that me and my family
needs to make plans

on going different places,

seeing different things,

and enjoying life
a little bit more.

So I may have tapped,

but I didn't lose.

Oh, yeah, look at this.

Do the happy dance this morning.

Whoo-hoo.

Well, oh, down to the bare buff

and enjoy the sun.

Oh, yeah.

I got a nice bit of work
done with the stove.

Really happy with that.

Looking forward to grouse.

Oh, yeah.

Right now, I'm sweating more
'cause I'm working harder.

And staying dry out
here is gonna be key

for staying here long-term.

You don't wanna get
no sores on your feet

or anything, no chafes.

I only got two pairs.

And so I really enjoy
taking clothes off

and drying everything
out as much as I can.

But it's also a mental thing.

I'm not, like, a overly
religious person.

I like to follow certain
customs and things

that my grandmother
taught me, but...

Oh, my legs is getting cold.

I got a good food cache
up there on the hill.

I'll get the grouse in a second,

do my cooking.

Oh.

What the frig?

This, right here, is not

something I was
expecting to see.

Look at that.

Feathers...

feathers.

Oh, my God.

.

Empty.

Feathers.

Greedy bugger.
Never left a scrap.

Food, out here, I think
the only safe place

is in your belly.

It's one thing, getting food.

But looking after it is
almost a bigger challenge.

Sometimes I succeed.

And I thought this was one
of the safest places I had.

I think about how little I've
eaten over the last week.

And I feel hungry.

But I don't feel,
like, hunger pains.

But I'm getting sick of berries.

I need some meat.

Nothing, except a big tangle.

I think something got
in it and got out.

Pretty big disappointment.

I'm going to move
it to another spot.

I've gotta find some
deeper water, I think.

My dad used to say, "Life
is a series of choices.

"When something doesn't work,
you move on to something else.

Never give up trying."

My father was a civil engineer.

When I was a toddler, he would
take me to work with him.

He'd be running a survey
crew through the woods,

and he'd just turn me loose.

I learned all of the
sounds of nature.

I observed animals.

Nice and easy.

I'd come home with a pet...

Like a fox.

And my dad would let me hang
on to it for a little while.

And then he'd say, "OK,
it's time to put 'em back."

All right, we'll
see what happens.

That's what laid the foundation

for pretty much everything
I enjoy in life.

So I'm going to leave
it in overnight.

It's a little bit deeper there
than in other places around me.

All right. On to laundry.

So what I'm gonna do
to wash my clothes,

I'm just gonna boil 'em.

I can't fit...

I can't fit a sweater
in a two-quart pot.

But I can wash my
underwear in there.

I can't believe that I
didn't catch anything today.

But you just... go
on to the next thing.

My dad had a deep understanding

of the importance

of letting somebody scrape
their knee, fall down,

and pick themselves back up.

This'll burn better.

He didn't coddle me

and encouraged me to go
out into the unknown.

I forgot to bring gloves.

I learned, in survival,

things are never going
to go the way you plan.

All right, now we're
finally boiling.

So I think what I'll do

is just drop them in
there for a minute.

Aah, [bleep]!

All right, now we're
finally boiling.

Aah, [bleep]!

Well, that was smart.

Burned both hands.

It's weird. It,
like, took the...

Top layer of skin off.

It's getting swollen.

Kind of numb, actually.

Usually when I take my
pot off of the fire,

I use a leather glove.

But I left my glove up at camp.

So I took a handful of
grass and wadded it up

and used that as a oven mitt.

When I did that, the
handle of my pot scorched

its way through the
grass and into my hand.

That made me spill that pot of
water straight onto my hand.

All right.

Lesson in... doing
laundry in the sticks is

don't burn your frickin' hand.

Stupid.

Quit being such a baby, Jake.

What's the matter, never you...

never had a third-degree
burn before?

Oh, man.

This is gonna be a
lot of fun out here,

trying to shoot
my bow with that.

Pa-chow.

One careless act.

So I need to wrap pretty much
the whole half of my hand.

My hand is really
starting to ache now.

But I am not going
to stop working.

What I learned most from my dad

is that it's OK to
be uncomfortable.

And you're capable of
doing very difficult things

if you just make the decision
that you can grit your teeth

and put up with pain
and put yourself aside.

About seven years ago,

he went in for a
cataract surgery.

And surgery went fine.

And he was in the recovery room.

And his heart stopped.

And I got a phone
call from my mom.

And so I jumped in my car.

And they were doing CPR on him.

And no matter what they did,

they couldn't get him
jumpstarted again.

After a half an hour of that,
my mom and I had a talk,

and we told the
doctors to let him go.

And I held my dad
while he passed away.

And I think about this
situation that I'm in.

And I want to be
my father's son.

And so no matter what, I'm
just gonna tough it out.

OK.

Pretty demoralizing.

Making mistakes out
here is not sustainable.

But anyway, I'm done
thinking about it.

This is my perch.

It's as high as I
can get around here.

And I come down
and I stand here.

And I survey
everything around me,

but especially over there,

where a moose could
be likely to be...

Across that waterway,
right over there.

The feeling of defeat that
settled in was beyond words.

I've never wanted
an animal in my life

as much as I wanted
that bull moose.

To increase my chances
of getting a moose,

I've been getting out into
the edges of the meadow,

where I've seen
moose tracks cross.

Instinct is just telling me,

get there to where the
moose are every morning.

Nothing. All's quiet.

Hm.

All right.

My plan today is to try to
get a gill net in the water.

There we go.

I'm really gonna try to
harness the power of the river

to bring me food.

I believe that the river
could bring me as much meat

as a moose carries on its feet.

So I'm going long on river
techniques and tactics

and waiting for
opportunities on big game.

Happy birthday, Elliot.

This gill net, which I'm
making on your birthday,

will be your part
of this adventure.

And it'll be a good part.

I have faith that this'll
really help to feed me.

One big reason I want to
do this is for my kids.

Levi's the oldest.
He's nine years old.

Elliot is six years old.
He turned six today.

One stitch at a time.

This, right here, takes a while.

My boys' view of me
scares me sometimes

because, unfortunately,
they think I'm perfect.

And I want my kids
to fully know me.

I want them to be able to see me

in ways that they
wouldn't get to otherwise.

We tend to hide our own
struggles from our kids

because we're trying to
help them with theirs.

And they may lose
something because of that.

But I know that I'll
struggle out here.

And I want them to see that.

And I want them, at
the end of the day,

to be made stronger by it,

and know that they fully know me

and have seen me struggle and
fall flat on my face and fail,

but get up and
face the next day.

That's enough
gillnetting for tonight.

I didn't get it done.
A little disappointed.

But I'm gonna go run the
fish lines and look around.

Three more rows to tie tomorrow.

I'm just checking
some fish lines,

quickly, before night.

And I hope like crazy to
have a fish on one of 'em.

But from here, they
all look slack.

I didn't have the
camera rolling.

Look at this baby!

Yes!

He's huge.

I love it!

All right, let's check
these other lines.

Oh, yeah, there's
a fish on there.

Come to Papa.

Come, come, come, come, come.

Yes!

Yeah!

Thank you, Lord, for
this beautiful fish.

Tonight we feast.

I'm almost overwhelmed by
how much food I just got

in the last 30 minutes.

Happy birthday, Elliot.

Oh boy.

I have a big nosebleed.

And I'm trying to collect it all

until it stops so I can
throw the leaves in the fire,

and the blood will not
be here to attract bears.

It's weird. I haven't had a
nosebleed since I was a kid.

Plug that baby up.

The bears will smell
it and be like,

"The hunter that lives here,

"if he bleeds, he can be killed.

He's a mere mortal after all."

All right, I think
it's stopping.

Yeah, it might be stopped.

OK, to work.

I know what I shall do.

Shelter logs.

I have food security
for a couple days.

So my instincts
are telling me that

it's time to build a home.

I have to finally select a site

that I'm gonna try to
put a shelter in here

because it was a lot
colder last night.

And a lot colder weather
will be coming soon.

All right, it's time to start
cutting trees for my home.

I considered so many different
shelter designs for this.

And ultimately, what
it's governed by

is the materials that I see.

The materials that
I see are huge logs.

So I'm gonna be making
a typical lean-to.

That's not good for your back.

You might ask me,

"Timber, why are you
using such big trees?

"Use smaller ones.

They're more energy
efficient to cut."

Well, you're right.
And I'd love to.

There just aren't,
but, like, six,

and I've cut them.

It's not the right way
to conserve energy.

But it's what I have to do.

I'm basically building
the attic of a cabin,

with a wall in the back
that's gonna be my fireplace.

As I'm building, I know

that it's not smart to
use materials this big.

But I know that my body
can build and build

and build things
for a long time.

From my upbringing,
we survived largely

by what we could
grow in gardens.

I remember a couple
of years that

we had a seven-acre
field of corn.

And two of my brothers
and I had to take hoes,

just work that seven-acre field,

the whole seven acres,

several times each
summer with a hoe.

We're talking
seven-year-old boys,

eight-year-old boys, you know?

That's a daunting task.

That'll teach you fortitude.

Silas...

if God'll let you see
what's going on down here...

I wish you were right here
with me right now, dude.

'Cause you'd really
like this land.

My youngest brother
drowned in June 2001.

And that became such
a loss for my family.

One of the last things I
did with my little brother

was take him deer hunting
and he killed his first deer

with a recurve bow.
And he was so happy.

We won't make another one
of those memories together.

We won't go hunting again.

So I have this struggle
going on in my mind.

So I've got you here
in my heart, buddy.

Couldn't ask for a
better brother than you.

Here in the Arctic, the
solitude is different.

And I've spent time in
very desolate places

in the mountains in
Central Asia, very alone.

But in the brain,

it's different than being here.

Every barrier in your
mind, it crashes down.

And you have to face things

that you've never
processed fully.

Thoughts out here
will tear up your mind

'cause it's so quiet out here.

And so I'm wrestling with those.

And I'm trying to put those
thoughts in the background.

But at the end of the
day, that's tough.

No one around to hear me...

except God and the wilderness.

Look at my fortress!

Gotta redress my burn.

I can't do 60% of
what I was doing.

It's really important

that stuff does not
get in there right now.

If bacteria were to get in
there and I got infected,

this show'd be over.

Fighting infection out
here is pretty unlikely.

OK.

Fresh new mummy hand.

Oh.

All right, let's go see if
there's anything in the net.

Having my hand burned,
I can't shoot my bow,

which means that I really
need to rely on fish.

When you step into nature,

everything else is stripped away

and you are a vulnerable animal.

Having that ego
stripped away from me

is how I can start
building from ground zero

and become a better person.

OK, fishies.

Are you in here at all?

I don't believe it.

There's a pike in my net.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, there's two!

Oh, my gosh!

Holy crap.

I am on such a high right now.

Got him.

My net finally produced.

Look at that pike.

That is food.

I'm feeling really confident.

That is a big boy.

I'm gonna process these pike

and put the net
back in the water

and keep the fish coming in.

All I had to do was move
my net to the right spot.

This is awesome.

This is a turning point for me.

Everything is going
to be different now.

I'm just gonna do
a simple smoker.

I just want to get these
fish smoked real quick

'cause I am hungry.

After my dad passed,

I went through a
period of confusion,

of stepping into the unknown.

I went through a divorce, a
very dark period of my life.

I had to make a decision.

And that decision was,
who are you going to be?

Are you going to be
your father's son?

Or are you going to
let this beat you?

It wasn't an immediate decision.

It took me being able
to find my path again.

And of all of my interests,
all of my hobbies,

for me, fatherhood
is my life's purpose.

Oh, look at the fat in that.

My kids have watched me

go through some
very trying times.

This is so good.

The reason that I'm out here
is because of how tough it is.

And if they can see me do this

and be successful,

I don't think I could ever
ask for anything more valuable

to teach my kids as a father.

Mm, I've never gotten
emotional over food before.

Today was a good day.

Oh, yeah, look at that.

Look at that, right there.

That will strengthen me today.

That's a good breakfast.

Thank you, God, for
this delicious fish

that you keep on giving me.

Keep 'em coming.

You know, when I take a
minute to not be stressed out

about what has to
be done or whatever,

I realize that things
are going really well.

I've got meat.

My shelter's well on
its way to completion.

And I'm still alone
in the Arctic.

And I love it.

This is gonna be
another gorgeous day.

It's a gift from God...
to prepare for winter.

Gonna make the best of it.

Sounded like the
gait of a moose.

I heard something
walking right out here.

And then the owl tried
to chase me away again.

So I threw a few sticks
off at it to shoo it off.

And I'ma peek my head out
here and see what's out here,

if anything.

I definitely heard something.

Oh, my goodness.

I see a moose, over
in the far distance.

There. It's right there.

Yeah, it's just standing
there right now.

God, please help me
kill this moose now.

I think this smoke's
starting to make my head

go a little bit wrong.

What the heck?

Hey.

Oh, my God.

It's about 60 yards
away right now.

Everything for me this season
could come down to this.

They're really close.

I don't want to get
my face eaten off.