Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,635 --> 00:00:04,965
TED:
In May of 2007, Aunt Lily
and Uncle Marshall got married
2
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,075
at the historic Van Smoot House
in upstate New York.
3
00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:09,039
(gasps)
4
00:00:09,077 --> 00:00:11,307
Wow, it's beautiful,
Lily.
5
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:12,875
Yeah.
6
00:00:12,913 --> 00:00:14,753
It's just how
I always pictured it.
7
00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:17,092
TED:
Well, that was a load of crap.
8
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:18,588
You see, kids,
when you get married,
9
00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:20,019
you learn a hard lesson.
10
00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:21,524
The wedding you set out to have
11
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,315
is almost never the wedding
you end up with.
12
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:24,487
So, we've decided
13
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:26,555
on a small,
outdoor wedding,
14
00:00:26,594 --> 00:00:29,034
just family
and close friends.
15
00:00:29,063 --> 00:00:30,903
No more than
25 people
16
00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:32,871
in a beautiful
garden somewhere,
17
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:35,340
maybe an acoustic
guitar playing
18
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:36,939
while we walk
down the aisle.
19
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:39,070
And maybe you already know
someone who went down
20
00:00:39,107 --> 00:00:41,737
to the courthouse and registered
as an officiant
21
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:45,375
so that he or she-- he--
could perform the ceremony.
22
00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:46,513
But you hate marriage.
23
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,177
Why do you want
to perform the ceremony?
24
00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:51,446
Because it subtly implants
in the mind of every woman there
25
00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:54,615
that when I ask a question,
you say, "I do."
26
00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:57,756
Yeah.
27
00:00:57,791 --> 00:00:59,231
The closer you get
to the big day,
28
00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:00,930
the more concessions you make.
Great.
29
00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:03,901
Now my mom's making me
invite the Lessners.
30
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,565
This puts our numbers
in the triple digits.
31
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:12,141
Wow. I guess sometimes,
Lessner is more... ner.
32
00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:15,211
You know how like
sometimes less is more.
33
00:01:15,243 --> 00:01:16,743
Yeah. This is one of
those times, sweetie.
34
00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:19,108
You know what?
That's okay.
35
00:01:19,147 --> 00:01:21,317
It'll be a slightly
big outdoor wedding.
36
00:01:21,349 --> 00:01:24,319
So it's not going to be
an outdoor wedding anymore.
37
00:01:24,352 --> 00:01:27,592
Marshall's dad is convinced
if we have an outdoor wedding
38
00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:29,921
in New York,
he's going to get mugged,
39
00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:32,257
so it's going to be
inside now.
40
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:33,293
It'll be great.
41
00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:34,957
We're still
going to have
42
00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:36,955
our acoustic guitar player.
43
00:01:36,997 --> 00:01:39,897
So now, instead
of an acoustic guitar,
44
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,203
we're having a harp player.
45
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,842
Yeah. My dad owes a guy, and...
46
00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:45,641
that guy's daughter
plays the harp.
47
00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:46,973
Is she hot?
48
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:49,137
I'd love to be able to cross
"harp player" off my list.
49
00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:51,247
How long is
this list?
50
00:01:51,279 --> 00:01:54,749
Dude, I'm not gonna count
how many pages the list is.
51
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,152
I'm not crass.
52
00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:58,994
Well, it doesn't matter
anyway. She's pregnant.
53
00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:00,889
Sweet! I can cross
off two things.
54
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:18,670
TED:
So the day arrived
for Lily and Marshall's
55
00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:21,806
very big indoor wedding...
with a harp.
56
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:22,842
Hi, Lily.
57
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:24,846
Wow. Andrea.
58
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,348
You really
are pregnant.
59
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:27,720
Yeah.
Um...
60
00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,778
How do you play the harp
with your belly so...?
61
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:32,017
Oh, I don't really-- I can only
reach about half the strings.
62
00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:34,822
You only play
half the harp?
63
00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:35,485
Yeah.
64
00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:37,333
Oh, no. Uh, okay.
65
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:39,028
Lily, I will
take care of this.
66
00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:40,059
Um, I'll just pluck
the other half.
67
00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:41,563
Is it hard to learn?
68
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:43,655
I've been studying the harp
for 12 years.
69
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,667
Yeah, but I'm
a fast learner.
70
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:48,469
You ever hear of "Guitar Hero"?
Learned that in a day.
71
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:49,672
Is there a "Harp Hero"?
72
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:50,703
Robin, it's fine.
73
00:02:50,738 --> 00:02:53,038
So, so, when
are you due?
74
00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:54,173
Tuesday.
75
00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:55,678
Wow, that's soon.
76
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,039
Last Tuesday.
77
00:02:58,246 --> 00:03:00,676
Holy crap, we have to fire her.
78
00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:02,824
She's gonna drop a shorty
in the middle of your ceremony.
79
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:06,420
Robin, I'm not going
to freak myself out.
80
00:03:06,454 --> 00:03:09,764
I hate those women who say, "Oh,
my wedding has to be perfect."
81
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,490
Things go wrong.
82
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:14,325
Sometimes the deejay
screws up your playlist.
83
00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:17,872
Sometimes you slip on placenta
during the recessional.
84
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:20,368
Hey, can I grab a scotch
and soda real quick?
85
00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:23,701
Nope; I'm not allowed to serve
anything until the reception.
86
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:26,567
Wow. You just cost yourself
a big tip, buddy.
87
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:29,437
I'm not allowed
to accept tips, buddy.
88
00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:31,077
You allowed to accept criticism?
89
00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:34,721
You, sir, are an ass... buddy.
90
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:39,117
Hey, you want to know what line
doesn't work on a harp player?
91
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:41,292
"Hey, baby, want to pluck?"
92
00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:42,962
Really? That didn't work.
93
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,590
Not even a little.
94
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,585
Huh.
Hey!
95
00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:47,757
Who's Bill?
96
00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:48,925
Bill?
97
00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:51,402
Yeah. This guy came up
to me at the bar.
98
00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:53,202
Can I ask
you something?
99
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,803
Where in the ceremony is
the place where they ask
100
00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:57,736
if anyone objects?
101
00:03:57,771 --> 00:04:00,741
Uh... Don't think
they do that anymore.
102
00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:03,314
Oh, so when do you think
someone should do it?
103
00:04:03,344 --> 00:04:06,084
Just wait for
a lull or what?
104
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:08,951
Oh, no.
105
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:10,822
Did he look like a guy
who tried
106
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,891
to be an umpire but failed?
107
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,420
He kind of did.
108
00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:16,986
That's Scooter.
109
00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:19,494
Your high school boyfriend,
Scooter?
110
00:04:19,527 --> 00:04:21,127
His real name is Bill.
111
00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:22,831
My mom must have invited him.
112
00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:24,103
Why? Why would she do that?
113
00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:25,831
Our families are really close.
114
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:27,266
But my ex-boyfriend?
115
00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:28,671
Come on, Mom.
116
00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:30,842
I didn't invite that
professional squash player
117
00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,511
Dad busted you with.
118
00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:33,840
Oh, I need
a glass
119
00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:35,944
of wine.
I'll get it.
120
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:36,636
Oh, thanks.
121
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:37,807
Hey, how's Marshall doing?
122
00:04:37,845 --> 00:04:38,805
He's great.
123
00:04:38,846 --> 00:04:40,606
He's about to get his hair cut.
124
00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:42,748
Oh. I'm worried my cousin's
going to cut it too short.
125
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,493
Me, too. I was up all night.
126
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:47,419
Hello, Lily.
127
00:04:47,455 --> 00:04:48,415
Hey, Bill.
128
00:04:48,456 --> 00:04:49,916
Hey, Barney.
129
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,827
Scooter, what are
you doing here?
130
00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:53,659
It's not "Scooter" anymore.
131
00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:55,334
It's Bill.
132
00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:57,873
A lot of things have changed
about me, Lily,
133
00:04:57,898 --> 00:04:58,928
but one hasn't.
134
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,966
I still love you.
135
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:03,201
And I came here to win you back.
136
00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:05,306
(laughing):
You're really cute.
137
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:06,669
Oh, no. Really?
138
00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:11,377
Lily, I-I know it's crazy,
but I love you, and if you
139
00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:12,952
can look me
in the eye
140
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:15,150
and tell me that you
want to marry Marshall,
141
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:18,122
I will leave right now and be
out of your life forever.
142
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,891
I want...
143
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:20,990
I...
144
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,855
...I want...
145
00:05:23,891 --> 00:05:25,391
Scooter!
146
00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:26,256
I need a glass of wine.
147
00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:28,663
And I need you
to get out of my face.
148
00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:30,156
It's for the bride, so...
149
00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:30,997
White or red?
150
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,401
White.
151
00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:34,903
And, uh...
152
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:36,735
she'd also like
a scotch and soda.
153
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:37,640
You got it.
154
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,541
She'd also like a bowl
of smoked almonds.
155
00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:41,913
I don't have any,
but I guess I could run out
156
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,012
to the corner and get some.
157
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,013
Well, it's only
the biggest day
158
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:47,345
of her life, so...
159
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:51,853
Let the games begin.
160
00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:56,024
Here. Can't stay.
Got to try something.
161
00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:58,256
Maybe my words
won't change your mind,
162
00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:00,861
but maybe the words
of a poet will.
163
00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:05,772
I read from "November Rain."
164
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:07,229
By W. Axl Rose.
165
00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:09,097
That is a good song.
166
00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:10,736
Barney said you
needed me to bounce
167
00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:11,941
some guy
named Scooter?
168
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:16,509
What's up with Bill?
169
00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:17,344
That's Scooter.
170
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:18,977
I'm on it.
171
00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:25,120
Hey.
Hey.
172
00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:26,452
Can I have your phone number?
173
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:27,957
No.
174
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:30,018
It's for the bride.
175
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:31,887
Oh. Hold on.
176
00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:33,285
Let me go get a pen.
177
00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:37,232
The bride wants you
to walk slower.
178
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:40,630
Oh...
179
00:06:40,668 --> 00:06:42,098
Oh, wow.
180
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:44,435
Oh. Robin...
181
00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:46,472
My makeup looks
perfect right now,
182
00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:48,477
and I'm about to cry.
Do something.
183
00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:50,079
Oh. Um...
184
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,710
Uh. I have hairy nipples.
185
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:52,745
Really?
186
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:53,980
No, but it worked, didn't it?
187
00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:56,548
Hey. Funny story.
188
00:06:56,584 --> 00:06:58,494
I tackled this guy
I thought was Scooter.
189
00:06:58,519 --> 00:06:59,819
Turns out it was
your photographer.
190
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:00,993
Don't worry.
191
00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,261
I got this sweet camera phone,
192
00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:03,959
so we're covered.
193
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,058
There's no photographer?
194
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:07,133
Oh, my God.
195
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,630
Okay, I just have
to call...
Robin, stop. Stop.
196
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:14,803
It's okay. I am not gonna let
anything get to me today.
197
00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:16,565
I just got a call
from the florist.
198
00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:19,114
The flowers won't be here till
halfway through the ceremony.
199
00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:23,012
I'm okay.
200
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:24,513
I hate to bother
you, but...
201
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:26,305
I think I found your veil
in the parking lot.
202
00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:29,018
I'm fine.
203
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:32,124
Just FYI: my water broke.
204
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:33,022
But I can
probably...
205
00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:38,592
(panting sharply)
206
00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:39,656
...make it through.
207
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:41,033
Totally cool.
208
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:44,626
Oh, no.
209
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:48,035
Lily, I think I forgot
your bridal panties.
210
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:50,198
I-I thought I had them.
I'm so sorry.
211
00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:52,437
Oh, it's okay, I'll just
wear the ones I have on.
212
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:53,142
Are you sure?
213
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:55,843
I'm marrying Marshall today.
214
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,206
So it doesn't even matter
215
00:07:57,244 --> 00:07:59,954
that I'm gonna walk down
the aisle without a veil
216
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,150
in a room
that has no flowers
217
00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:03,982
to the music
of half a harp
218
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:05,847
played by a woman
who's crowning,
219
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:07,016
as my high school
boyfriend
220
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:08,994
reads Guns N' Roses lyrics.
221
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,722
But that's okay,
222
00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:11,988
because there's
no photographer there
223
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:14,125
to take any pictures
of it anyway.
224
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,901
(chuckles)
225
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,029
Lily, are you okay?
226
00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:18,204
What do you think?!
227
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:19,501
Of course I'm not okay!
228
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:22,743
Everything that could possibly
go wrong at my wedding has!
229
00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:24,200
Well...
It's ruined!
230
00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:26,237
What happened to "I don't
want a perfect wedding"?
231
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:27,173
Oh, grow up, Robin!
232
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:28,907
Of course I want
a perfect wedding!
233
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:31,182
Oh, God.
234
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:34,411
I wanted... I wanted not to care
about the wedding, but...
235
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,877
I do.
236
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:39,016
I... I'm supposed to feel
like a princess today.
237
00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,222
And you will.
238
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:42,393
It's gonna be okay, sweetie.
239
00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:43,392
Why don't we
go outside?
240
00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:45,263
I have something
that'll make you feel better.
241
00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:46,862
(scoffs)
What could you have
242
00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:48,864
that could possibly
make me feel better?
243
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:53,198
(sighs)
244
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,403
God, I hope Marshall's
having a better day
245
00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:57,235
than I'm having.
246
00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:59,040
Oh, my God.
247
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:01,542
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
248
00:09:01,575 --> 00:09:03,035
Oh, my God.
249
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,046
Oh, my God!
250
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,108
What?
251
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,064
Well, it's not too short.
252
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:22,100
(harp playing,
people chattering)
253
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:23,729
(screams)
254
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,639
My hair! Look at my hair!
255
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,771
She ruined my hair!
256
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:35,076
I look like one of
the Backstreet Boys!
257
00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:35,978
(laughing):
You totally do.
258
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,439
And not even
the good Backstreet Boys,
259
00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:40,807
the older, lame dance move,
comeback tour Backstreet Boys.
260
00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:43,578
The good
Backstreet Boys?
261
00:09:43,617 --> 00:09:44,647
MARSHALL:
Guys! Guys!
262
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:45,815
What am I gonna do?!
263
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:47,763
What-what the hell
happened to you?
264
00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:49,788
Lily's cousin
is in beauty school,
265
00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:51,733
and Lily didn't want her
to do her hair,
266
00:09:51,759 --> 00:09:53,159
so she said she could do mine.
267
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,633
So, um, just not-not
too short, okay?
268
00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:58,103
Mm-hmm. Oh, no, we don't
even have to cut it at all.
269
00:09:58,131 --> 00:09:59,971
Could just give it
some style.
270
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,330
Oh, okay, yeah, that's great.
271
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:03,398
'Cause, um, when it gets too
short, it starts to look weird.
272
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,936
And I don't want to look weird
when I'm up there, you know.
273
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:07,943
Ooh, I could give you
some cool guy tips.
274
00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:11,575
I don't think I need advice
on how to be cool,
275
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:14,181
but yeah, great, lay them on me.
276
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,618
I can't get married like this!
277
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:17,690
There's no way!
278
00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:19,288
Ah, let me see
what I can do.
279
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:20,689
What? What can you do?
280
00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:23,191
I have a superpower.
281
00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:26,133
Lily is gonna
kill me!
282
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:27,089
Look at me!
283
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,157
She's not gonna want
to marry me like this.
284
00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:30,926
That's crazy.
Of course she will.
285
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:31,804
Would you marry me?
286
00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:33,502
No. But not because of the hair.
287
00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:35,043
It's because I have a rule:
288
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:37,438
never marry anyone you've had
a farting contest with.
289
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,970
Oh, great.
290
00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:41,536
So now you're saying Lily and I
shouldn't even get married?
291
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:45,847
Could I have everyone's
attention, please?
292
00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:48,354
It's for the bride.
293
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:53,953
One, the bride would...
294
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:56,487
like all of this tension
out of my shoulders.
295
00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:58,833
And she would like, let's say,
296
00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:00,189
you in the inappropriately
297
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:01,157
short dress
298
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:01,864
to rub them.
299
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:05,195
Two...
300
00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:07,572
What was two?
301
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:11,400
Okay, we have a bit
of a situation.
302
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:13,738
Let's not panic.
303
00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:16,784
Let's just find
a solution.
304
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:26,022
(both screaming)
305
00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:33,929
Dude, you shaved
your freakin' head.
306
00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:36,061
Yeah, yeah, but it's good.
307
00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:37,426
I ought to shave it all off.
308
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:38,874
What a great solution.
309
00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:41,399
Just be bald 'cause
it's cool, right?
310
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:43,774
Bruce Willis, Michael Jordan,
Britney Spears...
311
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:46,114
Oh, God, what did I do?!
312
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:47,909
How could you let me
shave my head?!
313
00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:48,611
What?!
314
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:49,541
You're the worst best man ever!
315
00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:50,406
I hate you!
316
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:52,183
I'm not going
out there!
317
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,512
I'm leaving
and I'm never
coming back.
318
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,116
I'm gonna go find
that money under the rock
319
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:56,218
by the tree and go live
320
00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:58,189
with the guys on the beach
in Zihautanejo.
321
00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,018
Dude, those guys are criminals.
322
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,222
Only Red Andy
was falsely accused.
323
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:03,955
Ted, you're my best man!
You got to do something!
324
00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:05,931
Okay, all right,
come here.
325
00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:07,029
Just breathe,
breathe, all right?
326
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:10,030
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
327
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,403
I'll just...
I'll take these.
328
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:13,831
No!
329
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,107
Uh, hi.
Uncle Ben, right?
330
00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:20,109
Yes.
331
00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:21,540
Yes, we're, we're having
a little bit
332
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:22,744
of a problem back there.
333
00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:25,046
Um, and I was wondering
if you could help us out.
334
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:26,108
Yeah.
335
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:31,276
Marshall accidentally
shaved part of his head.
336
00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:32,748
Oh, no!
Yeah.
337
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:35,216
Yeah, so here's
what I was thinking.
338
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:40,425
Um, what if I found something
to cover up the bald area?
339
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:44,830
Yeah, that would probably work,
but with what?
340
00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:47,665
Hmm, that's a tough one.
341
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:51,970
Maybe a wig of some sort
or a, um...
342
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:53,565
toupee.
343
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:54,666
Something that
344
00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:55,737
matches his hair color,
345
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,475
which is,
which is kind of the same color
346
00:12:57,510 --> 00:13:00,850
as the top of your hair.
347
00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:02,981
Mm, yeah.
348
00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:05,746
Does anyone here
wear a toupee?
349
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,915
Shouldn't be hard
to find out.
350
00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:09,355
Most of them are pretty bad.
351
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:12,029
That is true.
That is true.
352
00:13:12,059 --> 00:13:14,689
We just need to find someone
who wears a toupee
353
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:17,197
that is the same color
as Marshall's
354
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:20,270
and your hair.
355
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,470
Boy, that's a pretty
tall order.
356
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:26,343
Really? You can't think
of any place
357
00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:28,043
in the general area
where there might
358
00:13:28,075 --> 00:13:30,835
be a toupee of the kind
I'm describing to you?
359
00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:33,408
No, not off the top of my...
360
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:37,451
No. Can't.
361
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:38,894
All right, let me come at this
from a different angle.
362
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:40,219
I got $50 in my pocket
363
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:41,223
which is probably
a lot more...
364
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:42,324
The bride needs this.
365
00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:00,509
Actually, I think
it kinda works.
366
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:03,010
It totally does.
367
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:08,378
Barney?
368
00:14:08,415 --> 00:14:09,575
To be honest,
369
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:12,746
I'm, uh, I'm jealous
I don't get to wear it.
370
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:23,000
Okay, problem solved.
Crisis averted.
371
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:24,760
Let's get me married.
372
00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:25,997
It looks terrible, doesn't it?
373
00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:29,073
It kinda looks like fur,
374
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:30,172
which gives you
the appearance
375
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,573
of a cleaned-up Bigfoot.
376
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:32,614
Oh, you know...
377
00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:33,509
In a bad way.
378
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:36,610
Hey, cool hair, bro.
379
00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:38,414
What happened to your shirt?
380
00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:39,345
I got sauce on it
381
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,409
when I tackled the caterer.
382
00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:42,547
You gonna put
another shirt on?
383
00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:43,522
No, I'm good.
384
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,020
Hey, you guys
seen Scooter?
385
00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:47,252
What? What? Scooter's here?
386
00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:48,687
That guy's at my wedding?
387
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,261
Not for long, bro.
388
00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:52,260
Not for long.
389
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:57,032
Okay, you know what?
390
00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:58,134
I need some air.
391
00:14:58,165 --> 00:15:00,565
I think we should go
for a walk, okay?
392
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:01,940
Yep.
393
00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:04,399
It would cover up
the problem.
394
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:08,107
It's festive and
it celebrates
the heritage
395
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:09,281
of this great nation.
396
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:11,579
Okay, unless you actually
have one in your car,
397
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:14,781
stop suggesting authentic
Native American headdress.
398
00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:15,984
Oh, no.
399
00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:19,446
Oh, my God!
400
00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:20,316
Marshall...
401
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:21,923
Lily, you're not supposed
to see me.
402
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:23,215
Holy crap,
I don't think
403
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:24,616
anyone's supposed
to see you.
404
00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:27,662
What happened?
Did Amy do this to you?
405
00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:29,464
Just the frosted tips.
I did the rest.
406
00:15:29,496 --> 00:15:30,456
I'm sorry, baby.
407
00:15:30,497 --> 00:15:32,127
I've ruined the whole wedding,
haven't I?
408
00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:34,795
Oh, no, you didn't ruin
the wedding, sweetie.
409
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:36,174
It was already ruined.
410
00:15:36,203 --> 00:15:38,313
There's no flowers,
no photographer.
411
00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:39,908
Oh, and Scooter's here,
by the way.
412
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,139
Yeah, I know. I heard.
413
00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:43,644
My veil got thrashed;
the harp player is in labor,
414
00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:46,246
and I'm not wearing
my wedding underwear.
415
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,479
What? No "Property of Marshall"
across the back?
416
00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,475
How are people going to know
whose butt that is?
417
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:53,017
What happened?
418
00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:57,293
Remember the wedding we wanted,
the intimate outdoor ceremony?
419
00:15:57,324 --> 00:15:59,364
I wish we could have
that wedding.
420
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:03,531
So do it.
421
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:04,203
What?
422
00:16:04,231 --> 00:16:05,701
Get married now.
423
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:07,202
Right here.
424
00:16:07,234 --> 00:16:09,304
Look, it's outside
like you always wanted.
425
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:11,696
Intimate, close friends.
426
00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:13,138
There's no guitar,
427
00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:14,373
but it's pretty close.
428
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:16,137
Barney can officiate.
429
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:18,546
Yes.
430
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,008
Yes, I can.
431
00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:22,017
Uh, excuse me, guys.
432
00:16:22,049 --> 00:16:23,679
You all dropped something:
433
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:26,486
your jaws--
because Barney Stinson
434
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:29,359
is about to aid and abet
a marriage.
435
00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:30,959
Could we even do that?
436
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,960
I mean, what about all
those people in there?
437
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,362
Do that one, too.
438
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:36,134
And then when everything
goes wrong, you won't care
439
00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:38,573
because you already had
the real wedding out here.
440
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:41,470
What do you think, baby?
441
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,571
I love it.
442
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:44,873
Me, too.
443
00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:46,414
Let's do it.
444
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:48,209
Let's get married
before we get married.
445
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:49,041
Oh, great.
446
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:51,206
Wait, hold on.
447
00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:57,183
Excuse me, sir.
Could we borrow your hat?
448
00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:58,747
Okay.
449
00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,245
Thank you.
450
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:12,431
Hat. We thought of authentic
Native American headdress
451
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:14,195
before we thought of hat.
452
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,106
Thank you all for coming.
453
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:23,510
For those of you
who don't know me...
454
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:26,013
I'm not the biggest believer
in marriage.
455
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:31,975
But... you two are so great
together, you know?
456
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:39,927
Uh, it's like you were, uh,
made for each other.
457
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,229
He's gonna cry.
458
00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:43,801
No, I'm not.
459
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:47,870
(playing lilting melody)
460
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,900
I'm not, I'm not, I'm not,
I'm not, I'm not.
461
00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:55,283
(clears throat)
462
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:58,108
Lily and Marshall...
463
00:17:58,145 --> 00:18:01,475
when everyone sees you, they...
464
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,124
see true love.
465
00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:09,285
(voice breaking):
It's the best love...
466
00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:15,803
Can we just, um, move on
to the rings or something?
467
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:20,899
Oh, no.
468
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:23,173
I don't have my vows.
469
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:24,303
I don't have mine either.
470
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:25,437
You don't need
your vows.
471
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:28,012
Just say why you
love each other.
472
00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:33,853
Okay, I'll go first.
473
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:39,490
Lily, there are
a million reasons
why I love you.
474
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:42,357
You make me laugh
475
00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:44,859
and you take care of me
when I'm sick.
476
00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:47,161
You're sweet and caring
477
00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:50,104
and you even created an egg dish
and named it after me.
478
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,099
She puts a little Italian
dressing in scrambled eggs
479
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,801
before she cooks them.
480
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,643
It's called "Eggs Marshall,"
and it's awesome.
481
00:18:57,036 --> 00:18:59,836
But the main reason
that I love you is
482
00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:01,672
that you're my
best friend, Lily.
483
00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:03,108
You're, uh...
484
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,452
you're the best friend
that I've ever had.
485
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:06,208
I'm sorry, buddy.
486
00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:06,806
No problem.
487
00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:08,876
It's totally okay.
488
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:10,345
My turn.
489
00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:13,223
Oh, thank you.
490
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:15,193
Marshall,
491
00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:17,322
I love you
because you're,
492
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:20,727
you're funny
and you make me feel loved
493
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,360
and you make me
feel safe
494
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:27,226
and for our anniversary,
you gave me a sweatshirt
495
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:30,567
that says, "Lily and Marshall.
Rockin' It Since '96."
496
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:34,171
I kinda wish
I was wearing it right now
497
00:19:34,207 --> 00:19:36,707
'cause it smells like you.
498
00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:41,654
But the main reason I love you,
Marshall Ericksen,
499
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,781
is you make me happy.
500
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:46,748
You make me happy all the time.
501
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:53,525
Hey, I found your panties!
502
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,760
I'm good.
503
00:19:55,795 --> 00:19:57,855
Okay.
504
00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,397
Marshall, do you take Lily
to be your wife
505
00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:00,672
to have and to hold
from this day forward?
506
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:01,800
Slow down.
I can't.
507
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:03,004
from this day forward so as long
as you both shall live?
508
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,695
I do.
509
00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:06,207
Lily, do you promise to take
Marshall to be your husband
510
00:20:06,239 --> 00:20:07,339
to have and to hold
and support
511
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:08,244
from this day forward
as long as you both shall live?
512
00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:09,375
I do.
513
00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:10,539
Okay, then,
514
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:12,107
by the power vested in me
515
00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:15,114
by the very bitter old Pakistani
man who works down
516
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:16,877
at the courthouse
on Lafayette Street,
517
00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:20,686
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
518
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,050
You may kiss the bride.
519
00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:23,258
Oh...
Oh...
520
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:30,856
Do you smoke?
521
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:32,027
No.
522
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,534
Wow. First lie of the marriage.
523
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:35,637
That was fast.
524
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,040
After that,
we all went back inside
525
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,411
for the second wedding.
526
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,440
And yeah, a lot of things
did go wrong,
527
00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:44,105
but it didn't matter
528
00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:46,053
because when we all look back
on that day,
529
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:47,778
what I remember
is the first wedding;
530
00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:51,424
the intimate outdoor ceremony
with just close friends
531
00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:52,451
and an acoustic guitar.
532
00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:59,485
*
533
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:07,272
Oh...
534
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:08,340
How do you feel?
535
00:21:08,368 --> 00:21:11,438
Tired. I got married
twice today.
536
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:15,640
Ooh.
537
00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:18,235
So where do you want to do it
for the first time
538
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:19,577
as a married couple,
539
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:20,952
nice hotel room
or a reception hall bathroom?
540
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:22,850
What do you think?
541
00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:24,452
Bathroom, of course.
542
00:21:24,484 --> 00:21:25,994
Mm.
543
00:21:26,018 --> 00:21:27,148
TED:
Please don't.
544
00:21:28,855 --> 00:21:30,785
Sorry, Ted.
Sorry, Ted.
545
00:21:30,823 --> 00:21:32,493
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
35108
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.