Original subtitles

[bang]

-Better than the Borgia.

[typing]

-[yelling]

-Spontaneous spirit of the devil!

-Don't!

Help!

-Hey, Junior!

-Workers arise.

Protect the sale of your company!

Your jobs!

-Junior, come on.

Will you--

Junior, please, come on!

J--

Junior.

[laughter]

-Junior, please.

Hey, what is that?

Plastic?

-Yeah.

-You invent it?

-Oh, no.

Wish I had.

But, uh, I mean, not that anybody would care around this

square organization.

-Mr. Stanford, Mr. Buckner is waiting.

-Ha, ha.

Boo!

Bye, girls.

[snickering]

-Roger, what is the matter with you?

-Well, what's wrong?

I mean, I came right over, at the moment you phoned.

MISS BISHOP [OFFSCREEN]: I was afraid you'd gone home.

I tried every place in the plant.

Roger?

What were you doing in your darkroom?

-Now, don't you worry.

You were underexposed.

-You didn't.

You-- you didn't develop those pictures?

-You know, I've been analyzing this stuff.

Why doesn't our plastics division ever make--

-Will you get in to your uncle?

He is very upset.

-No wait!

What is that stuff doing here?

-Benson dropped it off from the house.

I'm--

I'm going to have someone take it out to his car.

-But he isn't going to Pinewild

until tomorrow morning.

Now at breakfast, he told Aunt Dori that he--

-So he changed his mind.

Roger, please.

-No!

No, no.

Now wait a minute, have you checked to make sure that

Benson packed everything he needed?

I mean, the royal cravats, the, uh, gold toothbrush.

That's-- uh, uh, uh, no cigars.

[gasp]

Benson, you are fired.

And you, Miss Bishop, you are next.

Do you realize what will happen when the great DL wakes

up to find no box of Fidel's finest?

-I--

I was just going to get them.

-Now will you stop this?

Roger, he's got Quincy in there with him.

-Oh, you know, I love that worried

expression on your face.

So now you just hold it.

Hold it.

-Roger, stop this and get in there.

-Hey, come-- come on, now.

Give me a smile.

-Well, Roger, what do you think?

-Hm?

Smile.

Look over here and smile.

-Roger, would you put that silly camera

down, and tell me.

Now, what do you think?

-[chuckling]

Oh, I tell you, Quincy, when I was 17 years old I told my

aunt not to marry him.

Oh, DL, your syntax is terrible.

Listen to this.

I, Roger Stanford, the second--

-Roger, I have a management meeting I'd like the wind up.

-Who is going to believe this, anyway?

I mean, a statement from me approving the sale of a

company that my own father started.

I mean, he'd roll over in his grave.

-No, no.

You didn't read down to the bottom there.

The last paragraph.

They'll believe it, all right, if you tell that, mm, you've

lost your interest in chemicals, you don't care

about working here anymore, and you're, uh,

you're going to Europe.

-Oh.

MR. BUCKNER [OFFSCREEN]: I've got to calm my people down

around here, Roger.

I've got to get rid of this rumor, this silly fear that

the sale of the company is going to endanger their jobs.

It's not.

It's not going to change anything around here.

-Except at the top!

Because, besides being president of Stanford

Chemical, you would also be the big man in the

conglomerate now, wouldn't you?

-No, no.

It isn't just me, Roger.

-Yeah, and what about your vice president?

I mean, how long is Logan going to last when they find

out how he opposed you?

He thinks the sale of this company is criminal.

Me, OK, I don't matter.

I didn't inherit enough stock.

But Aunt Dori did.

And I tell ya, you haven't persuaded her yet.

-She'll go along, just as soon as you do.

If she hadn't bent over backwards to spoil you and

pamper you when she took you in as a kid.

-[chuckles]

Oh, Quincy, isn't he amusing?

I tell ya, he married my aunt, but he

couldn't marry her stock.

What's the matter?

Why can't you get her to give you control?

-It's almost 6:00, Mr. Buckner.

The roads will be wet, and we've got a long drive.

-Yes, let's get on with it.

-I thought there'd be something else.

-Yes, there is.

Now, Roger, I have been very patient with you down through

these past several years.

All the trouble you've caused here in this company.

Not to mention the half a million dollars you cost us by

fooling around in something you called research.

-Yeah.

That was kind of you.

MR. BUCKNER [OFFSCREEN]: But enough is enough.

Proceed.

-Item, I found a place where you gamble in Vegas.

Uh, this is a letter from a handwriting expert that will

swear you forged your aunt's signature.

-Oh, DL, now this is really beneath you.

-Go on, Quincy.

-Item, the drug thing in college.

Item, the mess in Acapulco And, uh, this is a photostat

of that, uh, car theft report.

-[chuckles]

Oh, Quincy, I tell you, you are superb.

You really are.

You know, you are the best combination chauffeur and

private detective in the business.

Yeah.

But what is the matter?

Now tell me, why can't he get, uh, something for you on Logan

and get rid of all your opposition?

Tell me now, Quincy, what is it?

What's wrong?

Your wiretapping.

That's it?

It-- it is not working?

Why can't you frame a harmless old bachelor?

[intercom buzzing]

-Yes, Valerie?

MISS BISHOP [OFFSCREEN]: Excuse me, Mr. Buckner, Mr.

Logan and the others are here.

MR. BUCKNER [OFFSCREEN]: Thank you.

It's all here, Roger.

Tomorrow, some of the attorneys from the

conglomerate are coming up to meet with me at the cabin at

Pinewild to discuss the terms of the sale.

But tonight, I want you to go see your Aunt Dori, and tell

her you don't care about working here

anymore, your quitting.

And tomorrow, you release that statement to the press.

Otherwise, I'm afraid I'll--

I'll have to show her all this.

-You really would, wouldn't you?

-I would.

-You know, DL, [clears throat]

I have been well aware of what you and Quincy have been up to

the past couple of months and, uh, [sighs]

well, seeing you've got my back up against

the wall, you win.

-Hmm?

You're, uh, going to give up this easily?

-I just know when, uh, I'm outclassed.

-Ah!

-I'll sign it tonight.

[clears throat]

Anyway, I mean, uh, who wants a chemical company?

Heh!

-Ah, gentlemen.

-Ah, good afternoon, gentlemen.

-Hello, Junior.

-Hi, oh, and, uh, goodnight, Uncle David.

-Heh, Roger.

-Hm, mm.

-Come in, gentlemen.

-Junior.

-Hmm.

-Well?

-Hm.

Well don't worry, they haven't sicked Quincy onto you, yet.

-If only you didn't feel it necessary to

play the fool so much.

-Hm.

-What was it this time?

-Oh, it's nothing.

Really, now, it's nothing at all.

Except, well, we have decided that it is time for people to

stop calling me Junior around here.

MISS BISHOP [OFFSCREEN]: Roger, shall we

see each other later?

ROGER [OFFSCREEN]: Why not.

Uh, I've got this little job to do first, but, uh, it

shouldn't take very long.

-Wasting your time, Fergie, it's going to rain.

-Goodnight, Junior.

-[snickering]

Oh, oh, Fergie, I am sorry, I forgot to tell you this

morning, but could you look under my hood?

I think I've got a loose plug wire or something.

-Yeah.

-Thanks.

-Ooh!

You have missed a spot here, Fergie.

My uncle will not like that.

Hmm.

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

-You're crazy, Junior, the wires are OK.

Hose clamp needs tightening a little, that's all.

-It does?

Well now, how did that get loose?

Oh, don't worry, Fergie, I don't want you to miss your

nickle tip.

[thunder]

[thunder]

[go-go music playing]

[explosion]

[keys jingling]

[typing]

[SOUND OF PAPER BEING PULLED OUT OF TYPEWRITER]

-Oh, sir?

-Uh, [sighs]

who are you?

-Uh, is it-- is that you?

Your aunt said it sounded like a car down here in the drive.

I mean, you're Mr. Stanford aren't you?

-But obviously.

And who might you be?

-Oh, I'm sorry, uh, Columbo, Lieutenant Columbo.

I'm from the police.

-The police?

-You-- you mean that old heap out there is yours?

-Oh, yeah.

It needs a coat of paint, doesn't it?

Uh, anyway, Mrs. Buckner, she asked me to get you quick.

There are no servants up there in the house.

And she was afraid you were going to go straight on to

your place, or something.

-Why?

What's wrong?

-Well nothing that we know about, so far.

But she's very upset.

So I suggest that, uh, you close your door and come right

away.

-Uh, my--

oh!

[chuckles]

Oh, no.

I don't live here.

I live in a guest cottage out back.

That's what she meant.

This is where the chauffeur lives.

You see, uh, I went-- was on my way home tonight, I thought

I saw his door open.

-You did?

-Yeah.

-The chauffeur?

-Yeah.

-You mean, Mr. Quincy, the fellow that was driving Mr.

Buckner tonight?

-Yes.

-Well I'd better look in here.

-Couldn't you find the light?

-Well of course I did.

I mean, that's how I found out nobody was home.

-Oh.

Well, everything seems to be in order.

Maybe somebody's been tampering with this lock.

-Lieutenant, uh, just what are you doing here?

Now what has happened?

-Well, Mr. Buckner, he, sort of, disappeared.

-They may have been attacked somewhere.

They warned him, didn't they?

They threw that awful stench bomb on our lawn yesterday.

-Yes, your aunt says there's been some kind of trouble out

there at Stanford Chemical.

-Well, he, uh, has been threatened.

And then there have been those anonymous phone calls.

But those are from hotheads.

-Hotheads?

Well, what are they hot about?

-He's been negotiating with a conglomerate,

dickering to sell.

Now a lot of the old retainers do not like this.

You might say there has been, uh, an excess of, uh,

corporate bad feeling.

-I see.

Uh, how did you feel about this, ma'am?

Did you side with your husband on this?

-Uh, I was in the process of making up my mind, which is

beside the point right now.

David is missing.

That's the only issue.

-Yes, it certainly is, ma'am.

Uh, tell me, do you know anything about

his whereabouts tonight?

-He left the plant around 7:00.

But he was going to Pinewild.

-Pine?

-Wild.

-Pinewild.

I'm not familiar with that, uh--

-We have a place up there.

He should have arrived hours ago.

The caretaker hasn't heard anything.

And I called the sheriff's mountain office.

They can't find them.

-Oh, look, maybe they got hungry.

Maybe they stopped off somewhere for a drink.

-Oh, Rog, you know that isn't so.

He told Benson he'd have supper up there.

You know how awful those roads are.

If he'd only taken the aerial tram and had the caretaker

meet him at the top, as I do.

It so much safer, faster.

-Well, ma'am, I checked with the highway patrol, and

there's no report of any accidents on those roads.

-There, you see?

Oh!

Uh, Lieutenant, I think we, uh, owe you a drink.

Oh, Aunt Dori, when he was out of town last week, you didn't

even notice he was gone.

Now what made you call the police, tonight of all nights?

Uh, do you want a drink?

-Roger, I called the Commissioner of Police, and he

said he'd send over his very best man.

-Is that a fact?

-Well my wife, she says I'm second best, but, uh, she

claims there are 80 fellas tied for first.

Uh, at any rate, uh, I don't mind being sent

out on a false alarm.

I just hope that this is one, because she

had a right to call.

You see, uh, she got this message.

Here, I'll--

I'll show you.

-Message?

-Yes, he called just before I got home from

the opera board meeting.

That was at 7:30.

COLUMBO [OFFSCREEN]: Uh, maybe you better operate this.

Because I'm not sure how it--

-All right, Lieutenant.

-You can tell that he's calling from a car.

You can-- you can hear it on the recording.

RECORDED MESSAGE: There's no one answering at the moment.

This is a recording device.

Would you care to leave a message?

MR. BUCKNER [ON ANSWERING MACHINE]: Ah, these modern

idiotic devices.

She's not home yet.

Quincy, look in the dash there, will ya?

-Dash.

You hear that?

Dash, from the car.

RECORDED MESSAGE: If so your voice will be recorded and the

connection won't be broken until you hang up.

QUINCY [ON ANSWERING MACHINE]: Nope.

What's the matter with Benson?

You sure your cigar case isn't in your coat pocket?

RECORDED MESSAGE: You may start your

message now, thank you.

MR. BUCKNER [ON ANSWERING MACHINE]: Yeah.

Uh, just give me the--

the box.

Thank you.

Hello?

Hello, darling, it's me.

Hold on just a second.

QUINCY [ON ANSWERING MACHINE]: You want me to pull over and

open that for you?

MR. BUCKNER [ON ANSWERING MACHINE]: Naw, that's all

right, I got it.

Uh, look, why I'm calling, I tried to get you earlier

today, darling, but I guess you were in one of those silly

committee meetings or something.

Miss Bishop couldn't get you from the office, either.

But what I was calling about, I'm, uh, I'm on my way up to

the cabin now.

So I'll see you, tomorrow--

no, Sunday rather.

Sunday afternoon or evening sometime.

But, uh, what I wanted you to know is that, uh, Roger is

going to come over to see you tonight.

He wants to talk to you about something.

So I just wanted to make sure that you'd be home.

And uh, wait up for him, will you?

It's, uh--

well, he's made a decision about something.

It might not be exactly what you figured it would be.

But, uh, to my way of

thinking, it's a wise decision.

So, uh, after you talk to him, uh, call me back at the cabin,

will you and let me know, what he decided.

Bye, bye for now, darling.

[click]

[glass shatters]

-Gee, I'm terribly sorry about that.

Here, I--

I've got something in my pocket.

Well, anyway, that's it.

Uh, he just hung up.

-Yeah, sure.

-Roger, you're just as concerned about him as I am,

aren't you?

-What?

-Well you seem so upset.

I'm surprised, because you don't like him

very much, do you?

-Oh, uh, well actually, I've been growing--

I've been growing much fonder of him, uh, lately.

Uh, did you call him back?

-Yes.

I tried to reach him on the car phone.

There was no answer.

-Lieutenant, look!

If-- if there's anything you can do, do it!

Yeah.

Go out there and find him!

-Well, I can assure you, I've started

all the wheels rolling.

We're doing everything we can.

Now this area, this Pinewild, uh,

that's out of our bailiwick.

But we, uh, we've got the sheriff's office and the

highway patrol, they're on it.

And I'm going to stay after them.

And don't you worry, Mrs. Buckner.

-Fine.

Uh, I mean, we're going to find him.

-Thank you, Lieutenant.

-Right, goodnight.

-Goodnight.

-I certainly hope you're right, Lieutenant.

My uncle is a very important man.

-Oh, I'm aware of that, sir.

Listen, by the way, uh, what about your

parents, Mr. Stanford?

Are they both alive?

-Oh, no.

They died when I was in college.

There was a freak explosion at the plant.

Aunt Dori became my guardian, and then she married David.

-Mm.

Were there any other children?

-No.

-Aunt Dori is your father's sister?

-Uh, yes.

-And on your father's side, were there other aunts and

uncles?

-Um, tell me, Lieutenant, why are you so fascinated with my,

uh, family history?

-Oh, no.

It's just that, uh, try to get things

straightened out in my mind.

-Well, in case you wondering, if anything does happen to

David, his money goes to her, not me.

-Oh, I wasn't thinking about that at all.

Oh, no.

Listen, by the way, I didn't want to mention this to your

aunt inside, but, uh, is it possible that Mr. Buckner

might have wanted to stop some place without telling anybody?

You know, visit somebody in private?

-Well, I don't think that's any of your business,

Lieutenant.

It certainly is none of mine.

-Oh, no.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry.

Goodnight.

-Goodnight.

-Is your watch broken?

-Hm?

-Your watch?

-My watch, broken?

No, why?

Oh, it's nothing important.

It's just that inside, I noticed you

kept looking at it.

-[sighs]

Well, you know, Lieutenant, um, people do

look at their watches.

-Yes, they certainly do.

Sorry.

Goodnight.

-Goodnight.

-Rog?

What did you want to talk to me about tonight?

What did David mean?

-Oh, that was nothing.

Nothing at all.

See I had this idea I might like to work in the legal

department for a while.

David said it was fine.

I start there Monday.

-Oh, life would be so simple if you two

would just get along.

-Hm.

We're going to.

-Where is he, Roger?

If he'd only listen to me.

If he'd only taken the tram.

-He's going to be fine, just fine, sweetheart.

OFFICER [OFFSCREEN]: Some view, huh, Lieutenant?

All the way to the top, 8,600 feet above sea level.

It's only a 15 minute ride.

Look down there.

About a 2,000 foot drop.

Now, uh, over here, the only way to scale that rock, you'd

have to be a mountain goat.

We had to use helicopters to build this thing.

Don't worry.

This tram is absolutely safe.

Designed to last.

Never had an accident.

Just sit back, and enjoy the ride.

-Sure a nice view, isn't it?

-Yes, it is.

-That's exactly what our problem is.

See, earlier this morning, the sheriffs found a shiny bumper

at the base of the cliff.

Now here we are.

Now it's just about a half hour or so down the road.

-Down, yes.

Well that would be good.

COLUMBO [OFFSCREEN]: What is that?

Quincy, the chauffeur?

OFFICER [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah.

We spotted Buckner's body further down there.

You can barely see a man working his way towards him.

Now, you step out here on this ledge, you get a better view.

Right over there.

-Thank you, very much.

That won't be necessary.

Thanks.

Thank you.

-OK.

As you can see, there's no guard rail.

The roads were slick last night.

-Now this stuff here looks burned.

-The bodies are charred.

There's debris scattered over thousands of feet.

We're getting more climbers.

I'll keep you posted on everything we--

we find.

[radio chatter]

-Look here.

-Glass.

-Yeah.

Scattered up and down the road all over.

Now we found the chauffeur's cap intact, around 200 yards

clear off to one side down there.

-Well, you know, sometimes the gas tank explodes.

-Well, yeah.

Well, maybe the car skidded and smacked that rock, and the

gas tank blew.

-Or maybe something inside the car blew.

-Exactly.

And, since they're just out from LA, well, I guess in a

way it's sort of your jurisdiction, Lieutenant.

Or at least your problem.

EVERETT LOGAN [OFFSCREEN]: The possibility of murder?

Well, that's ridiculous.

MRS. BUCKNER [OFFSCREEN]: What difference does it make?

Dead is--

is dead, isn't it?

-Now there's talk of the fact that it is not an accident?

I--

-Well, the lieutenant was here again today.

And he-- he said that they always have to investigate.

It's probably just routine.

He-- he didn't want to bother me too much, I guess.

Anyway, he's-- he's gone looking for Roger.

Oh, did I, uh, no.

Did I tell you that David had decided to put Roger in the

legal department?

-Did he?

Well, that is something of a switch.

Roger and I have become friendly.

Oh, I know he's made mistakes in the past, but I think he's

coming along very well.

-Yes, I--

I could never understand why David didn't like him better.

Of course, I never understood Roger too well myself.

But I--

I've tried to do the best I could for him.

And he is a Stanford.

And somehow, I always thought he might be

in charge some day.

Everett, you--

you don't think David was murdered, do you?

-Oh, of course not.

No.

Look, you just let me handle everything.

We're not even going to talk about

business for a while yet.

I'll take care of it all, newspapers, the arrangements.

-I know it's a dreadful thing to say, but I'm so glad you're

next in line.

I need someone I can trust.

-You just leave everything to me.

Hm?

And if either you or Roger have any problems with the

police, you let me know.

[clunk]

-Well, you do get around, don't you, Lieutenant?

[laughing]

-I was just waiting for you, and I came here, and, you

know, to look into the darkroom, and, uh--

-What are you doing, Lieutenant?

Looking for secret weapons?

-Oh, uh, secret weapons, no.

Just -- what is this, kid's stuff?

-Hey, Lieutenant--

Lieutenant I--

I, uh--

I was talking to my aunt and-- and-- and she said that, uh,

you think that maybe somebody killed my uncle.

I mean, she said that there was

something about the accident?

I don't know?

-Oh, no.

Uh, we don't know anything for sure, just yet.

No, it's just that, um, you know,

that's a wonderful darkroom.

Imagine having something like that right next to your own

office.

-Yeah.

-Wonderful.

You know, my wife's kid brother, he's a nut on

photography, too.

-Ah!

-Wonderful hobby.

-You know, Lieutenant, I also work on inventions in there.

And you were very lucky that you didn't knock over a bottle

of acid or some cyanide crystals or, uh,

nitroglycerine.

-Oh, don't tell me any more.

I'll have a heart attack.

[roger chuckles]

-Boy, you really know that stuff, don't you?

-Hm.

-I notice that medal you wear around your neck.

That's an honor society medal, isn't it?

-Oh, it's a National Science Fraternity.

I had my PhD In chemistry before I was 21.

But that's before my, uh, MBA, and, uh, lawyer.

-You don't say.

Hm.

You know, I knew you'd would be the one that could help me.

Would you come?

Now, you see, my problem with chemistry, that started way

back in high school.

Because in my junior year, I--

I had to get a better grade.

So I said, to heck with this chemistry stuff, I'll take

another year of wood shop.

[roger chuckles]

COLUMBO [OFFSCREEN]: You know, you just build a bird house,

and if you paint it red, you get an A.

[roger chuckles]

-So that's what I did.

Because that chemistry stuff, it's just too hard.

You follow my meaning?

ROGER [OFFSCREEN]: Uh, so?

COLUMBO [OFFSCREEN]: Oh, well, you see the fellas over at our

lab, they tell me that you can make all sorts of trigger

devices that don't use any powder.

Uh, they're sort of like explosive fire things, maybe.

Is that true?

-Oh!

So you think someone put a bomb in his car?

-Well, you know, there could have been an explosion before

they went off the cliff.

You see now, if that's the case, then we got a whole

different kind of a--

-Uh, Lieutenant.

-You see what I mean?

-Lieutenant, I um, I would not light that cigar now, unless

you, uh, wish to witness an explosion right now.

-Oh, uh, yeah, right.

I'm sorry.

No, I won't light it.

-OK.

And for your information, Lieutenant, there are, um, 30

PhDs in this plant.

And over 60 qualified chemists.

Yes, there are 10 private experiment rooms, just like

mine back there.

And that is not even to mention the, uh, main

laboratory building right over there where 2,000 more

employees toil away like merry little gnomes.

COLUMBO [OFFSCREEN]: You don't think that all of these people

wanted to kill Mr. Buckner, do ya?

-No idea.

But a large corporation is like a jungle, Lieutenant, to

coin a phrase.

I can't tell you how many executives there are in our

ivory tower who would, uh, commit felonious assault just

for the key to a private washroom.

That's not even to mention the ones who, uh, are very

unhappy, because my uncle wished to sell.

Yeah, you know?

Like those malcontents who kept threatening him?

-Well you know, somehow, we just can't get a handle on

those threats.

I mean, like that stink bomb.

The boys we sent the check it out, they say nobody even saw

a car in your neighborhood during that time.

-Well, that is unfortunate.

However, Lieutenant, I witnessed one of those phone

calls, myself.

-You did?

-Yes.

-Well, never mind about that.

I'll get somebody else to check it out, OK?

-Yeah.

-Because I have my own personal lead in this case.

-You have?

-Do you remember that recorded telephone message on your

aunt's phone?

-Yes.

-Well I've been listening to that over and over again.

It's all right in there.

And I'll tell you what--

good cigar--

this is one area that I do know about.

-His cigars?

-Yes, Benson told me that he dropped off Mr. Buckner's

suitcase here at 6:00.

But no box of cigars.

He said that you told him that you were going to

take care of that.

-Yes.

Y--

yeah.

I--I keep a supply right here.

-Go on, Miss Bishop.

Well, what's the matter?

-That's just funny you're asking about cigars.

That's all.

You see, Mr. Buckner had a little pocket cigar case.

COLUMBO [OFFSCREEN]: Careful.

-What?

-Don't touch that.

-Well, why not?

The cleaning lady just gave it to me.

She-- she said she found it underneath my desk.

It-- it must have been in Mr. Buckner's overcoat.

That's where he always kept it.

And you see, Benson put the overcoat on the suitcase, and

it must have fallen out.

That's all.

I guess I just didn't notice it.

-Oh.

-What's the matter, Lieutenant?

Did you think someone had stolen it?

-Well, it did seem like a kind of a coincidence.

On that telephone tape, you could just barely hear, cigar

case missing, no cigars in the dash.

-Oh, so, uh, you thought that someone wanted him to open a

box of cigars while he was still in the car, I suppose.

-Well, it was a possibility.

-Lieutenant, what's this all about?

I mean, why are you so interested in cigars?

-Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

It's just that we have to check out everything.

I know how badly you must feel at this point.

And forgive me.

Listen, by the way, Ms. Buckner said she tried to

reach you that night.

She thought you'd be working late here in the office, but,

that uh--

-Oh, no.

No.

You see, my-- my mother was expecting me to work late, and

I knew she'd be going to bed early, so I went to a movie.

-Lieutenant.

Lieutenant, you have not answered the lady's question.

Now will you tell her the truth?

Miss Bishop, the Lieutenant is from homicide.

And obviously, he is under the impression that the accident

was caused by, uh, an exploding cigar.

-What?

-Well, now you see, Lieutenant, uh, Miss Bishop

got the box of cigars from here.

Yeah.

I saw her.

And, uh, she put them over there on the suitcase.

Hmm.

Yeah, here.

Here.

Try one, yourself.

-Wow!

Never saw cigars quite like this, before.

Are all the boxes the same?

-Listen, uh, don't you tell customs.

They're from Cuba.

You know, that's $1 a pound.

-Now wait just a minute!

Are you suggesting that something was wrong with one

of those cigar boxes?

-Oh, of course not.

The Lieutenant is just simply wrong.

You see, if there was an explosive in that car, it

would have to have been placed somewhere else.

-No.

No, I'm afraid not.

Nope.

You see, on the way over here, I bumped into a very nice old

fella that works in one of your service stations.

His name is Ferguson.

And he cleaned that car before they left.

And he told me there was nothing else in that car

except a suitcase, a coat, and a box of cigars.

And the old boy who carried everything down, he said the

same thing.

-All right, then.

[clears throat]

Then the, uh, explosive must have been in the cigar box.

Yeah, I'll grant you that, Lieutenant.

Yeah.

And, uh, if somebody tampered with it, or, uh, switched it,

that would have to have happened here, right?

OK.

Miss Bishop, will you tell me how long did DL's suitcase sit

there in the middle of this floor, with

people coming and going?

-Oh, 20 or 30 minutes.

-But you were here at the time, weren't you?

I mean, didn't I hear you say that you were here?

-Oh.

Oh, no, no, no.

Now Mr. Stanford did not touch it.

No.

I just happened to know, he left without touching it.

-Oh, well, that's right.

But I can remember Mr. Logan, Joe

Stevenson, Bernheimer, um--

oh, look, Miss Bishop, would, would you make a list for the

Lieutenant?

-Oh, certainly.

-Yeah, and-- and put down anything

else you can remember.

Uh, anything like stolen boxes, boxes given away, oh,

just anything.

[office phone ringing]

-What's the matter, Miss Bishop?

-The vice president, well, he has a supply.

Well the-- the cigar orders sometimes come in together.

Mr. Everett Logan.

EVERETT LOGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Hmm, I have about, uh, about

four boxes left.

-Did you say four, sir?

-Yes, that's very strange.

Nancy?

-What's the matter?

Is something wrong?

NANCY [OFFSCREEN]: Yes, sir?

-Oh, here you've been keeping tabs on these supplies.

How many boxes of cigars were there?

Oh, well, I really haven't checked them much in the last

two days, but, did you take some home, Mr. Logan?

EVERETT LOGAN [OFFSCREEN]: No, I did not.

NANCY [OFFSCREEN]: Oh, well, they must be

in here some place.

-Uh, please don't touch the boxes, if you don't mind?

-Oh, that'll be all, Nancy.

Thank you.

You can go now.

-Yes, sir.

-Be sure and close the door on your way out.

-If you don't mind, sir, if you'll just lock this up and

not touch anything, then I'll call the fingerprint crew.

-Why, Lieutenant?

I thought you were

investigating David's accident.

-Just, uh, covering all bases, sir.

Uh, I mean, we haven't found anything suspicious.

-He thinks there might have been a bomb in a cigar box.

-What?

-Well, that's just a theory.

-Oh, well, of course we'll cooperate in any way possible.

I'm afraid that isn't very much of a lock.

And I have had several meetings here.

But, well, I must warn you, Lieutenant, unless you find

something a little bit more important than that, if one

word of a murder investigation is leaked to either the press

or anyone else--

-Oh, no, sir.

No.

And that's all I need for now.

Thank you very much.

Much obliged.

-[WHISPERS] Roger!

What the devil is going on around here?

Does he really think it wasn't an accident?

-Hop in, Lieutenant.

I'll give you a lift.

-Oh, thanks.

Boy, this plant of yours is really something.

You know, you can get lost here just wandering around.

-I told you, Lieutenant, this plant is not mine.

It belongs to my Aunt Doris.

Hey, and you know, uh, about Logan, you know he was right

when he said there were a lot of people in his office.

You know, anybody could have taken that box.

-This fella, Logan, he's quite a friend of yours, I guess?

-Hm?

Oh well, I mean, he, uh, he has been nice enough to take a

good deal of interest in my work, lately.

Why?

-Uh, you mean he sort of fires you up, like, maybe?

-I--

I-- what?

-And I found this in the waste paper basket in the apartment

above the garage where the chauffeur lived.

It looks like it's some kind of a report from Mr. Quincy to

Mr. Buckner.

And, uh, Quincy claims that Mr. Logan, for some funny

reason, was trying to upset you over this sale thing.

Using you to manipulate your aunt.

-Hey, let me see that.

-No, I'd rather not.

And it's just hearsay.

I don't want to spread these rumors around.

You know, I really don't understand

this business stuff.

Of course, I never could understand business.

My wife, she always makes out our taxes.

Oh, by the way, Benson mentioned that Quincy was one

time a cop?

-Well, I--

I knew that he-- or suspected rather-- that he did some

extracurricular work for my uncle.

You know, like, uh, checking up on people.

Why?

-Well you see, I couldn't find the typewriter that this

report was written on.

And Benson, um, he had an idea that Quincy might have had,

uh, another hideaway someplace.

Something else that he used as base of operations.

You know anything about that?

-Sorry.

Oh, no, no, no.

Now wait a minute.

What is the matter with me?

Of course!

[chuckles]

You know, one night I was dumb enough to get caught in a

poker game with him.

You know what I mean?

And, uh, quite by accident, I saw a piece of paper that was

in his wallet.

And it-- well, it didn't say Quincy on it.

It said, uh, O'Neil.

Yeah, that's what it said, Harry J. O'Neil.

Yeah.

-Well you know, I can check up on that right away.

Uh, car's right over here.

Thank you, very much.

-OK.

-Heh!

I knew you'd be a help to me.

-You're welcome.

-Bye.

[truck horn]

MISS BISHOP [OFFSCREEN]: Mr. Stanford!

Roger, wait.

-What's your problem?

-I nearly died out there.

All those questions.

All I could think to say was that I went to the movies last

night.

-Now, relax.

Relax.

DL wasn't really murdered, and you know it.

-Do you know that?

-That's a funny thing to say.

-I'm sorry.

Well, it's just that they keep investigating around here and

checking into everything, like those private personal files I

let you look at.

Like Mr. Logan's.

-Oh, I put those back days ago.

It was just curiosity.

Oh, how to succeed in business.

-Roger, I--

I don't want anyone to find out about us.

-Oh, well, how could they?

-You took those pictures of me.

-Ah, I cleaned out my desk already and the darkroom.

I got rid of everything.

-I'm sorry, it's--

mm, it's just the past few days I--

-Ah, you know, you need a rest.

Yep.

I authorize it.

Yep.

And don't worry about a thing.

It's all going to be over soon.

It is.

Believe me.

All soon.

-Well, it will be dark in a while.

But we'll send the climbers up again first

thing in the morning.

We'll try the lower cliffs.

-Hmm mm.

No piece of the cigar box yet, huh?

-No.

You know, it's funny.

Some things we're finding intact, others

smashed, others burnt.

Well anyway, we're still trying.

Here.

I thought you might want to see this.

-A piece of the gas tank.

-Yeah.

And it did explode.

-The autopsy report's not much help either.

-I heard.

-Just burned.

Nothing on the tissue to prove any foreign inflammable.

-Maybe some kind of petroleum jelly was used.

-Well, something will turn up.

-Well, how can you be so sure?

-Well, it's a big corporation.

Kind of like a jungle, to coin a phrase.

[chuckling]

[tires screeching]

[crash]

-There shouldn't be anybody in there.

Cover the front.

I'll get the back.

[tires squealing]

[tires squealing]

-OFFICE [OFFSCREEN]: Stop!

Stop!

[sirens]

[sirens]

-Roger, I don't believe it.

What were you doing?

-Nothing.

Oh, I do wish you would listen to me, Aunt Dori.

-You haven't answered me.

-I can't.

I can't.

Not with these two men here.

-Would you mind leaving us alone, please?

-Sorry, ma'am.

They told me to bring him over here, but that doesn't mean I

can let him out of my sight.

-Listen, I got here as fast as I could.

Uh, where is Ferrell?

Oh, good evening, ma'am.

-Lieutenant Columbo, I'd like an explanation of this.

-He's on the way.

Look, I told her where we caught him.

He broke and entered, tore up the place, resisted arrest.

-Uh, they literally jumped me.

-All right.

We're going to get this thing cleared up just

as fast as we can.

Don't worry about that.

Now, say, I thought you said to me that you had no idea

where Quincy's hideaway was.

-Well, I didn't.

But then I remembered this, uh, car salesman that Quincy

was friendly with, and he did.

Lieutenant, look, if I could just talk to you alone for a

few minutes?

-Excuse me, please.

-What do you have, Ferrell?

-I just brought a couple of things.

The typewriter was there.

Now we got quite a bit of information from his files.

Dossiers, actually.

I left Charlie there to go over them.

Now what I brought you is a couple of things here that I

thik--

-Dossiers?

What kind of dossiers?

Uh, something about Mr. Logan?

-Well, what makes you say that?

-You see, this afternoon I found something in the pocket

of one of David's suits.

Some sort of report about Everett Logan.

Personal information.

Very damaging.

-From Quincy?

MRS. BUCKNER [OFFSCREEN]: Yes.

-May I see it?

MRS. BUCKNER [OFFSCREEN]: I burned it, Lieutenant.

You see, I finally realized that David was using Quincy to

keep tabs on the executives.

-Mm.

All right, Ms. Buckner, would you give me a moment please?

-Now there is quite a bit of stuff on Logan, there.

Also on a couple of other executives.

Only take a look at this.

Quincy's bank book.

-New account.

Pretty big deposit.

-Yeah, nice guy, Quincy.

Looks like he's trying to put the bite on his own boss.

Oh, look at here.

This is what I took off the kid when I caught him.

That's the only thing he tried to get out of Quincy's.

And I guess he was in quite a bit of a hurry, because he

forgot the negative.

-Uh, Mrs. Buckner, uh, would you excuse us for a moment?

I want to speak to Mr. Stanford for a moment.

-Oh.

-I think we can settle this right now.

FERRELL [OFFSCREEN]: Hey!

Wait a minute, that's evidence, lady.

-Look, don't let her see them!

Aunt Dori, you give them back!

-Valerie Bishop and David?

-Look, why do you think I went there?

I knew Quincy would have something like that.

Now you've let her see the very thing I

never wanted her to!

MRS. BUCKNER [OFFSCREEN]: It's all right, Rog.

I have to see things.

I have to see everything.

But I'm the only one, do you understand, Lieutenant?

And I want this trash burned.

-But, ma'am, we can't destroy evidence.

-There's no evidence if there's no murder.

And you haven't proved there was a murder.

-But, ma'am if we had a little more time--

-Lieutenant will you please get out of here, and leave us

alone!

-Look, I'm sorry about what's happened here tonight.

-Lieutenant, please get out.

ROGER [OFFSCREEN]: I'm truly sorry.

MRS. BUCKNER [OFFSCREEN]: Oh, Rog, I liked

that woman very much.

All the time, she and David--

ROGER [OFFSCREEN]: I never wanted you to

know about this, ever.

I mean, I've known for a couple of years about them.

But, well, it's only recently that I realized that Quincy

was beginning to snoop around.

-You knew?

-Oh, yes.

I went to David.

I asked him to stop.

He refused.

MRS. BUCKNER [OFFSCREEN]: No wonder he turned against you.

No wonder he kept demeaning you in front of me.

Oh, Rog, dear, I've been--

I've been such a fool.

I've misunderstood everything so.

-There, there.

[door closes]

-Thank you, Benson.

5:00, please.

[typing]

-Ooh!

Oh, hi, Junior.

Uh, excuse me, Mr. Stanford.

-Good morning, Mr. Stanford.

-Good morning, Mr. Stanford.

[office phone ringing]

-What's wrong?

-Oh, excuse me.

I just found this on the desk.

It's from the personnel manager.

Well I--

I tried to reach you at the house, but you'd already gone.

And your aunt wouldn't come to the phone.

You know, she hasn't answered one single call from me since

the funeral.

-Oh, I sent her up to Pinewild for a short rest.

It was the doctor's orders.

Let me see this.

Well, that's a pink slip.

That stupid personnel department.

I mean, you're not fired.

-But I don't understand.

-You see, my aunt remembered how much your mother always

wanted to live in the desert.

In Arizona, wasn't it?

And--and-- and she thought that you might be happier

there, too.

-Roger, I can't afford that.

-Oh, I'll take care of that.

And listen now, don't you worry.

We'll see each other a lot.

A lot.

Yeah, a lot.

-I'm going to be here for quite a while.

You can come back later.

Would you tell maintenance I'll keep the

desk and the chair?

The rest of this stuff is just dreary.

Yeah, I'll, uh, have a decorator come in next week

and refurnish.

-And what about your office?

-Hm?

-Your old office?

-Oh, I don't care.

Wrap it up.

Give it away.

I don't particularly care.

[sigh]

[intercom buzzing]

-I don't want to be disturbed, Miss Bishop.

MISS BISHOP [OFFSCREEN]: Well it's-- it's Mr. Logan and

Lieutenant Columbo.

-Uh, well-- well tell them, uh, tell them to come in.

[clears throat]

Ah, gentlemen.

-Uh, I hate to interrup like this, Mr., uh, Stanford, but

Miss Bishop said you were in.

-Huh!

So I am.

What can I do for you?

--Uh, quite a surprise.

I mean, I went down to your old office, but they told me

you moved in here.

-Lieutenant, would you mind coming to the point?

-Oh, certainly.

By the way, Miss Bishop seems unhappy.

Did something go wrong?

-I have no idea.

Um, could you explain the reason for your interruption,

Lieutenant?

-Oh, yeah.

Well, I came to get you, and Mr. Logan, here.

Of course, the funny thing, I found him cleaning

out his desk, too.

-W--

well, whatever for, Everett?

-I've been fired.

-Fired?

Oh, I find that very hard to believe, Everett.

-Do you?

It was your aunt's request.

She wouldn't even talk to me on the phone when I called.

-Oh, obviously it's a mistake, Everett.

-Obviously.

We were rather close, if you'll remember.

You wouldn't have any possible idea why she might have

changed her mind about me, would you?

-Oh, no, no.

None whatsoever.

Uh, of course, it-- it is a family corporation, so she has

every right to do whatever she chooses.

-Uh, this must have fallen over.

-Lieutenant, [clears throat]

you take an inordinate length of time to come to the point.

-Oh, well.

I heard from the, uh, people at the

Pinewild Sheriff's Office.

They're going to meet us at the bottom of the grade.

-Oh, no, I'm awfully sorry.

Uh, I mean, perhaps Mr. Logan could go along.

But, I'm afraid I--

I'm just much too busy this morning to

go for a long drive.

-Oh, I see.

I just thought you'd want to know what they found.

I mean, you are interested in any latest development, aren't

you?

-Well, of course I am.

What was it?

-You know, they didn't say.

They just said it was very important.

-Well, that seems very peculiar they

didn't say what it was.

-Sure does.

All right, Mr. Logan, let's go.

-Fine.

Doris will be up at the cabin, and I want to talk with her.

-Uh, uh, just a minute, Lieutenant.

Uh, if this does concern my uncle's death, I suppose, in

good conscience, I should go along.

-Fine.

I've got the car outside.

Hi, Sergeant.

-Lieutenant.

-Is that it?

-Yep.

Pretty good shape, too, considering.

See right up there, to the left of the second dark crag?

You can't see the road from here, but it's right to the

left of that.

Just about a couple hundred feet from where they went

over.

-Well it must have been blown apart, like the cap and that

other stuff.

-Yeah.

Skidded right into a crevice.

-What is it, Lieutenant?

-I think that we ought to get this information to your aunt

in a hurry.

So let's go on up.

-Oh, no, no.

I set her up to the cabin so she wouldn't be disturbed.

Anyway, it would take us hours to get there in this old heap.

-No, no.

We'll be there in no time.

Here, Sergeant.

-Engineer's waiting for you.

-Thank you, very much.

This way.

COLUMBO [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah, your aunt put me on this

contraption.

She said it was a lot faster than driving.

A lot safer.

I hope she's right.

Well, uh, let's look in this, huh?

-Yes, I'd like to know what they found.

-Let's see what we have.

Uh, huh.

-Why that's--

that's David's cigar box.

-I told you this would be worth coming

out for, didn't I?

-Yeah.

Yeah, it sure is.

-You see, except for the hinges, which are a little

shaky, this whole thing is in one piece.

-Well, this means that David was not murdered, doesn't it?

Huh?

-Oh yes, sir, yes.

Uh, this changes everything.

There's no question about it.

Yeah.

Uh, must have been the gas tank, after all.

-Oh, that's--

that's comforting news.

I mean, for her.

Even so, I'm afraid she's not going to be very happy to see

me up there.

-Why?

Do you think that she blamed you for her husband's death?

-Well, I certainly do.

I mean, after all, I was the one that was fighting David on

this sell business.

Everybody knew that.

I figured some troublemaker misunderstood and stole the

box out of my office.

Fortunately, I was wrong.

I can't tell you how good that cigar box looks to me.

Now if-- if I can just get Doris to tell me

why she let me go.

-Oh, I can tell you that.

-You can?

-Yeah, I think she fired you for a couple of reasons.

Like those secret meetings that you had with the

competition last year.

Like that patent that you sold to a friend very cheaply.

-What are you talking about?

Those are lies!

-Really?

Well, Mr. Quincy wrote them all down in a

report to Mr. Buckner.

-Well then, Quincy made them up himself.

-Lieutenant!

-They're simply not true.

-Lieutenant, you promised Aunt Dori never to say anything

about that.

Now what are you trying to do?

Cause more trouble?

-Well, it doesn't make any difference now.

I mean, everything's changed now, isn't it?

Because of this.

You know, and then there was that thing with Miss Bishop.

-Lieutenant!

Now that--that is private information.

-Wait-- wait-- wait a minute.

What thing with Miss Bishop?

-Now I am warning you.

-Well you see, Miss Bishop and Mr. Buckner, you know, for the

past year or so, they were--

-That is enough!

-I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to hurt anybody.

-I just--

I--I--

I just don't know why we c-- well, why we

can't, uh, sit here.

Sit here and--and-- and just-- just and sit here quietly

while we ride to the top of the mountain.

COLUMBO [OFFSCREEN]: You know something, Roger?

The truth is hard to find.

Sometimes.

Or sometimes it's right in front of you, and

you can't prove it.

-What?

-Do you know, I had a whole theory worked out how you

could have fixed this box, here?

But I mean a-- a high IQ thing, so that the explosive

might not be discovered.

You might be get burned up with the gasoline.

Oh, yes!

I had a theory worked out how you could have done

all sorts of things.

Now, now, turns out to be just an ordinary cigar box.

[laughing]

-Yeah.

Well, listen, now that uh-- don't you think you should

take it to a laboratory and, uh, have it examined?

I mean, now you've got all these fancy theories.

-What on earth for?

The theories are all wrong.

And that would all be proven.

Oh, no.

That would make me look foolish.

-Let me see.

-Uh, Mr. Logan, would you care for a cigar?

EVERETT LOGAN [OFFSCREEN]: No, thank you.

-No?

You know, and the funny thing is this, Roger.

This whole thing could have been a plan of yours.

-Huh?

-Like those reports of Mr. Quincy's.

You could have forged those on his typewriter.

And the photograph between Miss Bishop and your uncle.

-Ah!

-Any good photographer could trick that up.

You know, just do some double printing.

-Oh, yeah.

-And replace one figure with somebody else's.

And even Mr. Quincy's new bank account, that could have been

opened by anybody.

Even you.

Yes, and Mr. Logan's cigars being stolen.

You see, now?

There you go.

You're looking at your watch again.

-Would you do me a favor?

Would you please keep quiet?

-Why?

It's only a dumb theory of mine.

I mean, it only goes to prove how wrong I could be.

You see what I figured?

I figured there was two people between you and the

presidency.

Mr. Logan here, and your uncle.

And now there's just you.

Of course, you had to fire Miss Bishop.

I mean, an executive secretary, she probably knows

too much.

-Everett, are you just going to sit here and let

him just mumble on?

-Why not, Roger?

It's all very interesting.

-You!

You are more of a fool than he is.

-The trouble is, even if I was right--

-What?

Will you just shut up?

[panting]

-Roger?

What's bothering you?

What's the matter?

-Shut up!

Oh my!

We have got to get rid of that box.

-Why?

What for?

-Oh!

God!

[gasping]

Give me that box.

Give me that box!

Agh!

Give me that!

[gasping]

-Good Lord.

Where did you get that, uh, that box of cigars,

Lieutenant?

-Uh, from your secretary.

-My secretary?

-Mm.

Yeah, she, uh, she had three boxes.

And--

and I hope you didn't mind?

-No.

Huh!

I don't suppose I do in this case, do I, Lieutenant?

-Oh, uh, aren't those supposed to be

evidence, Lieutenant Columbo?

-Yeah, I guess they are.

It's a shame, though.

[laughing]

-You.

[laughter]

[laughter]

[THEME MUSIC

[universal theme music]