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Previously on "Miracle Workers"...
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I want to do more to help.
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I will transfer you to the
Department of Answered Prayers.
4
00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:08,746
Impossibles go all the way to the top.
5
00:00:08,748 --> 00:00:10,510
And so, if anyone
can handle them, he can.
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00:00:10,512 --> 00:00:14,037
I decided to blow up Earth.
I guess that's it.
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If I answer one of these
"Impossible" prayers,
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00:00:16,739 --> 00:00:17,838
you spare Earth.
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It's a bet. [POPS LIPS]
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I really like this girl.
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00:00:21,110 --> 00:00:23,643
Okay, love prayers never work.
12
00:00:23,645 --> 00:00:24,811
But related prayer.
13
00:00:24,813 --> 00:00:27,114
I really like this guy.
14
00:00:27,883 --> 00:00:29,750
Okay. This could work.
15
00:00:29,752 --> 00:00:31,752
♪
16
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- [DOOR CLOSES,
- CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]
17
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♪
18
00:00:40,095 --> 00:00:42,429
Rosie, if anyone comes looking for me,
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tell them I'm in a meeting.
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With God!
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- Religion... stupid, dangerous, pointless.
- [DOOR CLOSES]
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Just [BLEEP] everything up.
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Hey, I got all your missed calls.
24
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- What's the emergency?
- MAN: Love you, Bill!
25
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Have you heard of this guy Bill Maher?
26
00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:00,884
- The talk-show guy?
- Yeah.
27
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Do you think he's funny?
28
00:01:01,984 --> 00:01:03,216
'Cause I've been watching his stuff,
29
00:01:03,218 --> 00:01:05,118
and I don't know about these jokes.
30
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- You mean the jokes about you?
- Oh, no.
31
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I don't care about that. I mean [SCOFFS]
32
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No, I just... I just don't...
I don't think he's funny.
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So, what do you want to do?
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Well, I mean, I wasn't thinking
about "doing" anything.
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00:01:17,825 --> 00:01:20,593
I'm just... But now that you bring it up,
36
00:01:20,595 --> 00:01:22,595
what's that thing
that where we can, uh...
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- you know...
- Kill him?
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[LAUGHS] Whoa! Sanj!
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Did you just drop the "K" bomb?
[LAUGHING] Wow!
40
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Wouldn't want to get
on your bad side, Ice Man.
41
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[LAUGHS]
42
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Ai-ai-uh-uh! Whoo! Uh!
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Ooh! Freezer burn.
44
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[BOTH CHUCKLE]
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But, yeah, kill him.
46
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Okay. Well, the good news is,
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Bill Maher's already scheduled to die
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along with everyone else, when
the Earth explodes in 13 days.
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You know what's funny, is that,
50
00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:50,589
you know how sometimes, like,
a day can feel so long?
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Okay, I'll go find a way to kill him.
52
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Ice Man.
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I love you, buddy.
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Okay.
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♪
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♪
57
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[BELL DINGING]
58
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♪
59
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[SCREAMING]
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♪
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Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
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- [BOMB TICKING]
- Okay.
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00:02:30,865 --> 00:02:32,364
If we're gonna get these humans kissing,
64
00:02:32,366 --> 00:02:33,866
- we need to know more about them.
- Right.
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00:02:33,868 --> 00:02:36,235
First up, we have Laura. 24 years old.
66
00:02:36,237 --> 00:02:40,272
Works at an escape room
called "Solitary Confunment."
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00:02:40,274 --> 00:02:42,541
Listen up, ya jailbirds.
68
00:02:42,543 --> 00:02:45,544
A couple of ground rules, see?
69
00:02:45,546 --> 00:02:47,579
Don't touch the actors, see?
70
00:02:47,581 --> 00:02:51,150
And if you're looking for
some clues, just ask the...
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00:02:51,152 --> 00:02:52,618
warden.
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WOMAN: End clip.
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What about Sam? What's his deal?
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00:02:55,756 --> 00:02:57,656
So, Sam is also 24 years old.
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00:02:57,658 --> 00:02:59,024
He was born with extra teeth,
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00:02:59,026 --> 00:03:01,160
and he seems to really love
his grandmother.
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BOTH: Yahtzee!
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[ LAUGHS]
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00:03:05,961 --> 00:03:07,566
Oh, this might be harder than we thought.
80
00:03:07,568 --> 00:03:10,169
Well, look, neither of them
are particularly socially adept.
81
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But I ran a compatibility check,
82
00:03:12,974 --> 00:03:16,041
and they scored a 98%.
83
00:03:16,043 --> 00:03:18,844
Whoa! They have so much in common.
84
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They both pretend to text in elevators
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in order to avoid potential small talk.
86
00:03:22,516 --> 00:03:23,983
They were both accidentally omitted
87
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- from their high-school yearbook.
- BOTH: Dang.
88
00:03:25,486 --> 00:03:27,286
They laugh at the same
insurance commercial,
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they cry at the same car commercial,
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00:03:29,090 --> 00:03:32,458
and they sing along incorrectly
to the same dumb commercial.
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00:03:32,460 --> 00:03:35,361
♪ Chewing some gum and having a fun ♪
92
00:03:35,363 --> 00:03:37,429
Ooh, they both love gye-ros
with extra green onions.
93
00:03:37,431 --> 00:03:39,031
I think it's pronounced
"jai-ros" but yes,
94
00:03:39,033 --> 00:03:40,666
and they both have
matching pollen allergies.
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[BOTH SNEEZE]
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No wonder they want to be together.
97
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Unfortunately, they are both so shy
98
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that they haven't actually communicated
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since the night they met.
100
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What are they waiting for?
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A sign.
102
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[GASPS] Cool. How does it work?
103
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We send them subtle clues to
gently influence their actions.
104
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- Huh.
- Yeah!
105
00:04:01,856 --> 00:04:03,455
Now, on the night they met, they had
106
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a fascinating conversation
about the game of badminton.
107
00:04:06,894 --> 00:04:08,494
Let's have a listen.
108
00:04:08,496 --> 00:04:10,896
So, I hit the badminton thing
with the badminton racket,
109
00:04:10,898 --> 00:04:13,298
and I was like, "Badminton's fun.
110
00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:15,534
I think I like badminton."
111
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Wow. I-I've never played badminton,
112
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but I really want to now.
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- You should!
- WOMAN: End clip.
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They spoke of badminton.
115
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Thus, if we remind them of badminton,
116
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they will see it as a sign...
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a call to arms.
118
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Each other's arms, as it were.
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[CHUCKLES]
120
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Yeah. I mean, I don't know.
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The game begins.
122
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[KEYBOARD CLACKING]
123
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♪
124
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So, I found some build-up
in Bill Maher's left ventricle.
125
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Looks like all we have to do
is thicken it up,
126
00:04:46,434 --> 00:04:48,967
and he'll have a massive
heart attack by end of day.
127
00:04:48,969 --> 00:04:51,370
Wow, that's great, Sanjay!
128
00:04:51,372 --> 00:04:53,439
- So we could explode his heart...
- Mm-hmm.
129
00:04:53,441 --> 00:04:54,706
...or his lungs...
130
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[SOFTLY] or his penis.
131
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Explode his penis?
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[LAUGHING] Whoa, Sanjay!
133
00:04:59,547 --> 00:05:01,013
Now, that's an idea!
134
00:05:01,015 --> 00:05:02,781
- Oh, no. I don't know if, uh, that's...
- Rosie!
135
00:05:02,783 --> 00:05:04,450
...something that...
136
00:05:04,452 --> 00:05:06,118
Wow, you're not gonna believe this.
137
00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:09,955
Sanjay, tell Rosie your idea
about Bill Maher.
138
00:05:09,957 --> 00:05:11,837
About his penis.
139
00:05:13,422 --> 00:05:17,467
I guess, uh... my idea...
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is to explode his penis.
141
00:05:21,035 --> 00:05:23,769
- Wow.
- I know.
142
00:05:23,771 --> 00:05:26,338
Ice Man is on the warpath. [LAUGHS]
143
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Better go handle that.
144
00:05:30,611 --> 00:05:33,745
So, uh, I guess, uh,
we should probably get started.
145
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No. This is all you.
146
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This is insane!
147
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I'm an executive.
148
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Have fun!
149
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Gust. Gust.
150
00:05:47,205 --> 00:05:49,728
Breeze. Zephyr.
151
00:05:49,730 --> 00:05:52,364
Quarter-breeze. Updraft.
152
00:05:52,366 --> 00:05:54,299
Yes! Boo-yah!
153
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In a mere six hours,
I've successfully blown
154
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a badminton birdie from a rooftop court
155
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all the way to Laura's living room.
156
00:06:01,609 --> 00:06:04,209
That is what I call a sign.
157
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:08,514
- Mmm.
- What is that?
158
00:06:08,516 --> 00:06:10,616
It's a mustard packet.
It's a little treat.
159
00:06:10,618 --> 00:06:12,613
You do something good,
you get a little reward.
160
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- Here. Have one.
- [COMPUTER BEEPING]
161
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Oh, hello. Look. It's happening.
162
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♪
163
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Hmm.
164
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[SIGHS] Okay. Onto the next sign.
165
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Craig, okay, I've been doing research,
166
00:06:28,169 --> 00:06:30,969
and it seems like people
never pick up on signs.
167
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Okay? No matter
how obvious they are. Look.
168
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- [ CROWS CAWING]
- Ooh!
169
00:06:35,109 --> 00:06:37,910
'Tis a crow-y day, indeed.
170
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Well, time for the theater.
171
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This will be a normal night.
172
00:06:42,149 --> 00:06:45,017
See? This badminton thing
is not gonna work.
173
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We need to be bolder.
174
00:06:47,087 --> 00:06:48,220
What?
175
00:06:48,222 --> 00:06:50,022
Eliza?
176
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Out of my way, black cat.
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- I'm late for my fun play.
- [ CAT MEOWS]
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♪
179
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♪
180
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Hey, colleagues!
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Ahh! I'm Sanjay from upstairs.
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- Love what you guys do down here.
- Oh, thanks.
183
00:07:23,657 --> 00:07:25,857
Um, we... we hardly ever
get acknowledged, so...
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Listen, I'm gonna need you
to explode Bill Maher's penis.
185
00:07:28,529 --> 00:07:30,596
- What?
- It's important.
186
00:07:30,598 --> 00:07:33,065
Um, sir, I-I think there's
been a misunderstanding
187
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about what we do here in Genitals.
188
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Our powers are extremely limited.
189
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We mainly just try to enforce puberty.
190
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Well, I need this dick exploded.
191
00:07:40,341 --> 00:07:44,142
So I guess you better get to it, huh?
192
00:07:44,144 --> 00:07:47,145
Thaaaaanks, guys.
193
00:07:47,147 --> 00:07:48,480
Okay.
194
00:07:48,482 --> 00:07:50,449
Do you guys know how to...
195
00:07:51,518 --> 00:07:53,819
Ha! I figured it out.
196
00:07:53,821 --> 00:07:55,487
We can get Sam and Laura together.
197
00:07:55,489 --> 00:07:58,357
We just need to engineer...
a Chance Encounter.
198
00:07:58,359 --> 00:08:00,559
Oh, no. Those are very risky.
199
00:08:00,561 --> 00:08:01,660
Check it out.
200
00:08:01,662 --> 00:08:03,762
They both live near the same hospital,
201
00:08:03,764 --> 00:08:06,164
so all we need to do is get
them there at the same time.
202
00:08:06,166 --> 00:08:07,866
Step one... injure Laura.
203
00:08:07,868 --> 00:08:10,936
I found a melon near an open
window along her route to work.
204
00:08:10,938 --> 00:08:13,238
We blow it off,
it clonks her on the head,
205
00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:14,840
and she goes straight to the ER.
206
00:08:14,842 --> 00:08:18,310
With Sam, I figure we
just pop his appendix.
207
00:08:18,312 --> 00:08:19,778
They spot each other in the ER,
208
00:08:19,780 --> 00:08:22,652
sparks fly, they kiss.
209
00:08:23,817 --> 00:08:25,322
World saved.
210
00:08:25,919 --> 00:08:28,387
Okay. It's very... It's... I don't...
211
00:08:28,389 --> 00:08:29,655
I don't know, though. Um...
212
00:08:29,657 --> 00:08:31,290
Oh, don't worry. Appendixes are easy.
213
00:08:31,292 --> 00:08:33,191
Look, there's even a button for it.
214
00:08:33,193 --> 00:08:34,359
Oh, you've seen that.
215
00:08:34,361 --> 00:08:36,094
Um... I know.
216
00:08:36,096 --> 00:08:38,563
This is not the kind of stuff
you usually do,
217
00:08:38,565 --> 00:08:40,832
and it's a little, you know...
218
00:08:40,834 --> 00:08:42,534
It's outside of your comfort zone,
219
00:08:42,536 --> 00:08:44,403
and I get why you're scared.
220
00:08:44,405 --> 00:08:46,171
Oh, no. No. I'm not scared.
221
00:08:46,173 --> 00:08:47,506
- You're not?
- No.
222
00:08:47,508 --> 00:08:50,142
I'm a bold, intrepid man
with a strong mind.
223
00:08:50,144 --> 00:08:51,143
I'm a risk taker.
224
00:08:51,145 --> 00:08:54,212
I'm a big, bad boy.
225
00:08:54,214 --> 00:08:57,015
So that's a yes to the plan?
226
00:08:57,017 --> 00:08:58,083
[UNENTHUSIASTICALLY] Yes.
227
00:08:58,085 --> 00:08:59,328
- Yes?
- Yes.
228
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:00,819
- Yes!
- Yeah.
229
00:09:00,821 --> 00:09:02,921
- Oh, yes.
- Okay.
230
00:09:02,923 --> 00:09:06,258
I hope these lovebirds
like hospital food.
231
00:09:06,260 --> 00:09:08,360
[KEYBOARD CLACKING]
232
00:09:08,362 --> 00:09:11,463
Oh, Jean-Claude, I'd be lost without you.
233
00:09:11,465 --> 00:09:13,098
Don't neglect the heel cap.
234
00:09:13,100 --> 00:09:14,399
You know what they say.
235
00:09:14,401 --> 00:09:15,734
It's not the clothes that make the man.
236
00:09:15,736 --> 00:09:16,787
It's the man who makes the...
237
00:09:16,789 --> 00:09:18,422
Aren't you meant to be off
dealing with that penis?
238
00:09:18,424 --> 00:09:20,672
Oh, yeah. I put someone on that.
239
00:09:20,674 --> 00:09:23,442
Part of being an executive
is knowing when to delegate.
240
00:09:23,444 --> 00:09:25,377
GOD: Sanjay! Get in here!
241
00:09:25,379 --> 00:09:26,678
You don't have to come.
242
00:09:28,582 --> 00:09:30,182
- Look at this!
- Bill Maher,
243
00:09:30,184 --> 00:09:32,050
or should we say "Bill More,"
244
00:09:32,052 --> 00:09:33,885
was feeling cocky as he dragged
245
00:09:33,887 --> 00:09:36,855
more than one hot dog down the street.
246
00:09:36,857 --> 00:09:38,023
His dick grew!
247
00:09:38,025 --> 00:09:40,225
We asked the anti-religious provocateur
248
00:09:40,227 --> 00:09:42,928
how he felt about his blessing,
and the funnyman quipped,
249
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:45,731
"God is as fake as my dick is huge."
250
00:09:45,733 --> 00:09:47,733
Happy birthday to Bill Maher!
251
00:09:47,735 --> 00:09:49,334
- Come on!
- I don't know what happened!
252
00:09:49,336 --> 00:09:50,602
I'll tell you what happened.
253
00:09:50,604 --> 00:09:52,270
You messed up, man!
254
00:09:52,272 --> 00:09:53,705
I thought you could handle this.
255
00:09:53,707 --> 00:09:55,974
You're supposed to be an executive.
256
00:09:58,145 --> 00:10:02,043
Stick around for more girthy
gossip right after the break.
257
00:10:02,716 --> 00:10:03,982
All right.
258
00:10:03,984 --> 00:10:06,685
Melon is in position.
259
00:10:06,687 --> 00:10:09,154
All we gotta do now is hit this button,
260
00:10:09,156 --> 00:10:10,589
and bonk! We're in business.
261
00:10:10,591 --> 00:10:12,758
WOMAN: Laura approaching.
262
00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:14,793
All right. Let's do this.
263
00:10:14,795 --> 00:10:17,262
♪
264
00:10:17,264 --> 00:10:18,530
Oh, no! Wait!
265
00:10:18,532 --> 00:10:20,732
Um, we... we don't have enough power
266
00:10:20,734 --> 00:10:22,634
- to execute this sequence.
- What?
267
00:10:22,636 --> 00:10:26,238
We need to increase the voltage
to the valve coil,
268
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:27,839
which is sort of down there a bit.
269
00:10:27,841 --> 00:10:28,774
Oh. Oh, okay.
270
00:10:28,776 --> 00:10:30,142
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Okay, thank you.
271
00:10:30,144 --> 00:10:31,443
- Dream team.
- Whoo-hoo, yes.
272
00:10:31,445 --> 00:10:32,811
[DOOR OPENS]
273
00:10:34,114 --> 00:10:41,052
♪
274
00:10:41,054 --> 00:10:42,954
[ SCREAMING]
275
00:10:42,956 --> 00:10:44,623
♪
276
00:10:44,625 --> 00:10:45,924
Huh.
277
00:10:45,926 --> 00:10:50,195
I couldn't find a breaker box
or anything resembling a...
278
00:10:50,197 --> 00:10:51,296
[GASPS]
279
00:10:51,298 --> 00:10:52,831
What the [BLEEP]
280
00:10:52,833 --> 00:10:55,467
What happened? Oh, no!
281
00:10:55,469 --> 00:10:56,835
Did it fall early?!
282
00:10:56,837 --> 00:10:59,271
Oh, what a disappointment for both of us.
283
00:10:59,273 --> 00:11:00,806
[SIGHS]
284
00:11:00,808 --> 00:11:03,341
So, I had an idea for a sign
285
00:11:03,343 --> 00:11:05,410
involving their matching
pollen allergies.
286
00:11:05,412 --> 00:11:07,345
Did you do this?
287
00:11:09,183 --> 00:11:10,816
- Yes! Yes, yes!
- Why?
288
00:11:10,818 --> 00:11:12,350
Because I... If I can be extremely blunt,
289
00:11:12,352 --> 00:11:15,821
I just thought that your plan
was maybe possibly...
290
00:11:15,823 --> 00:11:16,888
Stupid. My plan was stupid.
291
00:11:16,890 --> 00:11:18,156
No. Is that what you're saying?
292
00:11:18,158 --> 00:11:19,524
No, no, no, no, no.
293
00:11:19,526 --> 00:11:21,226
It's... It's just that, yesterday, you...
294
00:11:21,228 --> 00:11:23,261
you did cause that typhoon,
295
00:11:23,263 --> 00:11:25,597
which unfortunately
killed many people, and then,
296
00:11:25,599 --> 00:11:27,165
after that, you convinced God
to blow up the Earth,
297
00:11:27,167 --> 00:11:31,102
so I just think that a little
bit of caution is advisable.
298
00:11:31,104 --> 00:11:33,635
You're not cautious, Craig.
299
00:11:34,107 --> 00:11:35,440
You're a coward.
300
00:11:35,442 --> 00:11:39,344
♪
301
00:11:39,346 --> 00:11:40,979
MAN: Oh, shit. My melon.
302
00:11:40,981 --> 00:11:42,619
MAN #2: There goes our fruit salad.
303
00:11:42,783 --> 00:11:44,270
Barbara's gonna be furious.
304
00:11:46,487 --> 00:11:51,423
♪
305
00:11:51,425 --> 00:11:52,924
Oh.
306
00:11:52,926 --> 00:11:54,195
Good. There you are.
307
00:11:54,197 --> 00:11:55,961
Um...
308
00:11:55,963 --> 00:11:58,830
can we go back downstairs
where it's not as dangerous
309
00:11:58,832 --> 00:12:01,204
and there's not ledges to stand near?
310
00:12:01,902 --> 00:12:03,802
Uh, right you are.
311
00:12:03,804 --> 00:12:08,039
♪
312
00:12:08,041 --> 00:12:10,709
I'm very sorry that I broke the melon.
313
00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:12,344
It's fine.
314
00:12:12,346 --> 00:12:15,947
I was just trying to help, but, as usual,
315
00:12:15,949 --> 00:12:17,349
I made things worse.
316
00:12:17,351 --> 00:12:20,418
Eliza, you're down
on yourself, and I get it.
317
00:12:20,420 --> 00:12:22,587
If the world explodes,
then you will go down
318
00:12:22,589 --> 00:12:24,189
as history's greatest murderer.
319
00:12:24,191 --> 00:12:25,991
- Nobody wants that.
- From now on,
320
00:12:25,993 --> 00:12:28,265
I am just going to stay out of the way.
321
00:12:28,267 --> 00:12:29,661
No. Please no.
322
00:12:29,663 --> 00:12:32,364
- I need you in the way.
- Why?
323
00:12:32,366 --> 00:12:34,199
Because you were right about me.
324
00:12:34,201 --> 00:12:35,500
Right? I am not brave.
325
00:12:35,502 --> 00:12:37,769
Not even slightly. But you are.
326
00:12:37,771 --> 00:12:39,037
And... And that... That's...
327
00:12:39,039 --> 00:12:40,972
That's what Earth needs right now.
328
00:12:40,974 --> 00:12:43,909
And I certainly can't do this
without you.
329
00:12:46,079 --> 00:12:48,446
Also, I've been thinking
about it, and you were right.
330
00:12:48,448 --> 00:12:50,982
A Chance Encounter really might work.
331
00:12:50,984 --> 00:12:53,339
We just have to refine
the execution a bit.
332
00:12:54,388 --> 00:12:55,854
How?
333
00:12:55,856 --> 00:12:58,023
Well, I don't know yet,
but I was kind of hoping
334
00:12:58,025 --> 00:12:59,724
we could figure that out together.
335
00:12:59,726 --> 00:13:05,297
♪
336
00:13:05,299 --> 00:13:06,565
Okay.
337
00:13:06,567 --> 00:13:08,033
- Okay.
- Downstairs?
338
00:13:08,035 --> 00:13:09,267
Yes. Thank you,
339
00:13:09,269 --> 00:13:10,481
thank you.
340
00:13:10,506 --> 00:13:16,210
♪
341
00:13:16,877 --> 00:13:18,376
What the shit?!
342
00:13:18,378 --> 00:13:20,178
Oh, I-I-I can explain.
343
00:13:20,180 --> 00:13:23,181
We pumped Bill Maher's glands
full of hormones in hopes
344
00:13:23,183 --> 00:13:26,484
that his penis would expand
and then pop like a balloon,
345
00:13:26,486 --> 00:13:29,588
and everything was going
smoothly, but then...
346
00:13:29,590 --> 00:13:30,919
What?!
347
00:13:31,325 --> 00:13:33,725
As Bill's penis became larger,
348
00:13:33,727 --> 00:13:36,528
it grew more... more beautiful.
349
00:13:36,530 --> 00:13:38,964
At a certain point, we realized
it would be immoral for us
350
00:13:38,966 --> 00:13:40,699
to destroy something so perfect.
351
00:13:40,701 --> 00:13:41,967
I don't care.
352
00:13:41,969 --> 00:13:43,501
This is coming from the top!
353
00:13:43,503 --> 00:13:44,933
Just blow it up!
354
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:49,441
With respect, we refuse.
355
00:13:49,443 --> 00:13:51,232
This isn't the Department of Anuses.
356
00:13:51,234 --> 00:13:52,996
We have integrity.
357
00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:54,546
Okay, fine!
358
00:13:54,548 --> 00:13:56,527
I'll do it myself!
359
00:13:56,931 --> 00:13:59,064
WOMAN: Pump-O-Tron activated.
360
00:14:01,555 --> 00:14:03,254
Why isn't this working?
361
00:14:03,256 --> 00:14:05,390
You have to put your eyes up
to the eye hole,
362
00:14:05,392 --> 00:14:07,830
and, uh, stare at
the penis when you pump.
363
00:14:08,562 --> 00:14:09,791
Why?
364
00:14:10,410 --> 00:14:12,210
Uh, I don't...
365
00:14:15,036 --> 00:14:16,635
How many pumps is this gonna take?
366
00:14:16,660 --> 00:14:18,260
50,000.
367
00:14:18,305 --> 00:14:19,717
50,000?
368
00:14:21,087 --> 00:14:22,720
Yeah. 50,000.
369
00:14:23,810 --> 00:14:25,777
[SIGHS]
370
00:14:26,713 --> 00:14:27,831
[GROANS]
371
00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:29,414
1.
372
00:14:29,416 --> 00:14:31,216
- [GROANS]
- 2.
373
00:14:31,218 --> 00:14:33,351
Okay, here's our target...
Bob's Hummus House.
374
00:14:33,353 --> 00:14:36,375
It's perfect... halfway between
Sam and Laura's apartments.
375
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,523
And, most importantly, it
serves their favorite food.
376
00:14:38,525 --> 00:14:40,025
Gyros.
377
00:14:40,027 --> 00:14:41,426
Let's get them there.
378
00:14:41,428 --> 00:14:43,886
First step... cut off their food supply.
379
00:14:43,888 --> 00:14:46,865
Oh. Dang.
380
00:14:46,867 --> 00:14:47,999
Laura's a little trickier.
381
00:14:48,001 --> 00:14:49,467
She never has any food in the house.
382
00:14:49,469 --> 00:14:50,769
Always orders in.
383
00:14:50,771 --> 00:14:53,104
Lucky for us, there's a simple fix.
384
00:14:53,106 --> 00:14:56,141
We blow up the satellite
for her cellphone provider.
385
00:14:57,477 --> 00:14:59,444
[CELLPHONE BEEPING]
386
00:14:59,446 --> 00:15:00,812
Oh, dang.
387
00:15:00,814 --> 00:15:03,715
Nice work. Now to lure them in.
388
00:15:03,717 --> 00:15:09,554
♪
389
00:15:09,556 --> 00:15:14,826
♪
390
00:15:14,828 --> 00:15:17,362
Mmm, gye-ro.
391
00:15:17,364 --> 00:15:18,897
♪
392
00:15:18,899 --> 00:15:20,699
[SNIFFS] Mmm.
393
00:15:20,701 --> 00:15:22,267
Jai-ros.
394
00:15:24,004 --> 00:15:25,908
30 seconds to contact.
395
00:15:27,271 --> 00:15:29,040
Wait. Why is Sam stopping?
396
00:15:29,042 --> 00:15:30,909
[ DISTORTED VOICE] Ooh, pizza.
397
00:15:30,911 --> 00:15:32,110
No, no, no. What?
398
00:15:32,112 --> 00:15:33,478
No, I've scanned the route three times.
399
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,447
Every place Sam likes
should be closed by now.
400
00:15:35,449 --> 00:15:37,615
No, something's happening
at Pizza Bongiorno.
401
00:15:37,617 --> 00:15:40,218
If you're just joining us,
comedian Bill Maher
402
00:15:40,220 --> 00:15:43,288
is dead after a tragic
and confusing incident
403
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:46,424
that has shaken the world
of comedy and medicine.
404
00:15:46,426 --> 00:15:48,226
We have to close that shop. Now.
405
00:15:48,228 --> 00:15:50,328
Maher's family has announced
that the funeral
406
00:15:50,330 --> 00:15:52,630
will "definitely be closed casket."
407
00:15:52,632 --> 00:15:55,066
- [SQUISH]
- Aaaah!
408
00:15:57,037 --> 00:15:58,269
I did it.
409
00:15:59,873 --> 00:16:01,539
It's done.
410
00:16:01,541 --> 00:16:04,743
Look. Look, he's turning back around.
411
00:16:04,745 --> 00:16:05,752
Yes!
412
00:16:05,754 --> 00:16:07,846
Awesome work. We're back on track.
413
00:16:07,848 --> 00:16:09,013
Thank you, and this pizza gentleman
414
00:16:09,015 --> 00:16:10,115
is gonna live, right?
415
00:16:10,117 --> 00:16:12,283
We are back on track.
416
00:16:18,825 --> 00:16:20,024
No! They're gonna miss each other!
417
00:16:20,026 --> 00:16:21,059
What do we do now?
418
00:16:21,061 --> 00:16:22,590
I've got an idea.
419
00:16:24,064 --> 00:16:25,497
♪
420
00:16:25,499 --> 00:16:27,632
[BOTH SNEEZE]
421
00:16:28,401 --> 00:16:29,868
Matching pollen allergies.
422
00:16:29,870 --> 00:16:31,024
You're good.
423
00:16:31,026 --> 00:16:32,433
Gesundheit.
424
00:16:33,194 --> 00:16:34,493
Sam?
425
00:16:34,518 --> 00:16:36,251
Laura?
426
00:16:36,476 --> 00:16:38,476
Wow.
427
00:16:40,046 --> 00:16:42,080
Now what?
428
00:16:42,082 --> 00:16:45,316
Now we just sit back
and watch the sparks fly.
429
00:16:52,993 --> 00:16:55,160
Remember the bathroom line at the party?
430
00:16:55,162 --> 00:16:57,095
Yeah, yeah.
431
00:16:57,097 --> 00:16:59,063
[SCOFFS] It was long.
432
00:16:59,065 --> 00:17:00,999
Ohh, no.
433
00:17:01,001 --> 00:17:02,467
- Not like here.
- Nope.
434
00:17:02,469 --> 00:17:05,981
There's... There's no bathroom line.
435
00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:07,343
Nope.
436
00:17:08,108 --> 00:17:10,375
I can't watch this.
It's really hard to watch.
437
00:17:10,377 --> 00:17:15,380
♪
438
00:17:15,382 --> 00:17:18,116
Can I maybe get your number? Do
you want to hang out sometime?
439
00:17:18,118 --> 00:17:19,417
BOTH: Yes.
440
00:17:19,419 --> 00:17:20,218
What?! Yes!
441
00:17:20,220 --> 00:17:21,286
Yes! Go on!
442
00:17:21,288 --> 00:17:22,620
Oh, yes! Never in doubt!
443
00:17:22,622 --> 00:17:24,455
- Yes! Yeah!
- Yes!
444
00:17:24,457 --> 00:17:26,057
- Yes!
- Oh!
445
00:17:26,059 --> 00:17:27,192
- Go!
- Yes!
446
00:17:27,194 --> 00:17:28,906
Go, Sam and Laura.
447
00:17:29,396 --> 00:17:32,197
Oh, thank you. Help yourself
to one of these. Oh, no.
448
00:17:32,199 --> 00:17:33,375
I'm gonna put you in your phone.
449
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,033
- My...
- Your...
450
00:17:35,035 --> 00:17:37,202
- I'm gonna put my name as "Sam."
- Sam. Yeah.
451
00:17:37,227 --> 00:17:39,971
All right, Sanjay!
452
00:17:39,973 --> 00:17:42,140
I hope you're proud. You look proud.
453
00:17:42,142 --> 00:17:44,342
Tell you what, I'm proud of you. Wow.
454
00:17:44,344 --> 00:17:47,745
I mean, I know
how much you hated Bill Maher.
455
00:17:47,747 --> 00:17:49,714
How much he hurt you.
456
00:17:49,716 --> 00:17:51,716
And it would've been so easy for you
457
00:17:51,718 --> 00:17:54,252
to just keep taking the hits,
night after night,
458
00:17:54,254 --> 00:17:55,854
special after special.
459
00:17:55,856 --> 00:17:57,255
But you stuck to your guns,
460
00:17:57,257 --> 00:18:00,313
and that's why you are
one heck of an executive.
461
00:18:01,094 --> 00:18:02,857
[WEAKLY] Thanks, God.
462
00:18:04,030 --> 00:18:05,463
All right.
463
00:18:05,465 --> 00:18:07,582
I hope you're hungry for some gumbo.
464
00:18:07,584 --> 00:18:08,891
What?
465
00:18:08,893 --> 00:18:10,268
Aah!
466
00:18:10,871 --> 00:18:12,403
For Lazy Susan's!
467
00:18:12,405 --> 00:18:14,205
Oh, I bet you thought I forget
about our restaurant.
468
00:18:14,207 --> 00:18:16,574
Now, don't worry. I am still all in,
469
00:18:16,576 --> 00:18:18,443
fully committed to our dream.
470
00:18:18,445 --> 00:18:22,513
Now, I need you to taste-test
all of these gumbos immediately.
471
00:18:22,515 --> 00:18:25,617
They range from very thick
to almost solid.
472
00:18:25,619 --> 00:18:28,786
Can Rosie taste some of the gumbos?
I'm allergic.
473
00:18:28,788 --> 00:18:31,322
Well, that's more for you. [CHUCKLES]
474
00:18:31,324 --> 00:18:34,826
Ah, love you, buddy. I love you.
475
00:18:34,828 --> 00:18:36,117
Uh-huh.
476
00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:38,730
Oh, and let me know
if you find my tweezers.
477
00:18:38,732 --> 00:18:40,465
Oh, okay.
478
00:18:40,467 --> 00:18:41,833
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- No, no, no, no.
479
00:18:41,835 --> 00:18:44,302
Rosie, Rosie. Rosie, this is ridiculous.
480
00:18:44,304 --> 00:18:46,104
Okay, I'm not even hungry.
481
00:18:46,106 --> 00:18:48,139
I ate a full lunch.
482
00:18:48,141 --> 00:18:49,474
My arms are in a sling.
483
00:18:49,476 --> 00:18:51,776
I've got to come at this mouth-first?!
484
00:18:51,778 --> 00:18:53,111
This is crazy!
485
00:18:53,113 --> 00:18:54,913
- I'm an executive!
- [DOOR CLOSES]
486
00:18:54,915 --> 00:18:58,349
Good morning, good morning.
How's it going?
487
00:18:58,351 --> 00:18:59,617
She's already texting him.
488
00:18:59,619 --> 00:19:01,185
Oh, nice.
489
00:19:01,187 --> 00:19:02,487
Oh, thanks.
490
00:19:05,358 --> 00:19:07,325
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
491
00:19:10,096 --> 00:19:12,830
- Oh!
- I am so sorry.
492
00:19:12,832 --> 00:19:15,199
No, don't, uh...
493
00:19:17,203 --> 00:19:19,137
...worry about it.
494
00:19:19,139 --> 00:19:20,872
Who's this guy?
495
00:19:20,874 --> 00:19:22,240
I don't know.
496
00:19:22,242 --> 00:19:24,809
[CHUCKLES] You know, it's funny. I...
497
00:19:24,811 --> 00:19:26,678
I ran in here to get out of the rain.
498
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:31,153
And once we started talking,
the rain stopped.
499
00:19:32,118 --> 00:19:33,990
Maybe it's a sign.
500
00:19:34,988 --> 00:19:36,120
Maybe.
501
00:19:36,122 --> 00:19:38,222
- Not a sign. Not a sign.
- No. No. How?
502
00:19:38,224 --> 00:19:40,725
- How would that be a sign?!
- It's not a [BLEEP] sign!
503
00:19:42,329 --> 00:19:44,395
Pizza-shop owner and philanthropist
504
00:19:44,397 --> 00:19:47,031
Vincent Alfonsi is fighting
for his life tonight
505
00:19:47,033 --> 00:19:48,700
after his appendix ruptured,
506
00:19:48,702 --> 00:19:52,603
leaving him stranded for hours
inside his darkened pizzeria.
507
00:19:52,605 --> 00:19:54,806
Alfonsi, known for the Thanksgiving pies
508
00:19:54,808 --> 00:19:58,042
that he distributes personally
to the city's neediest children,
509
00:19:58,044 --> 00:19:59,849
will never walk again.
510
00:19:59,851 --> 00:20:01,813
In my 20 years as a journalist,
511
00:20:01,815 --> 00:20:04,949
I've never seen such a beloved
community fixture suffer
512
00:20:04,951 --> 00:20:07,251
so randomly and horribly.
513
00:20:07,253 --> 00:20:09,493
It makes one question everything.
514
00:20:09,495 --> 00:20:10,922
Sports is next.
515
00:20:10,924 --> 00:20:12,924
♪
35553
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