Original subtitles

Corrected and synched by Fingersmaster Enjoy!

Get out of my way!

Ok, here they are.

Philippe, wake up now, I bet you 100 � that I'll lose them.

- Philippe? - Deal.

Let's do this!

Gosh, you're on a good night.

Fuck.

You lost them alright.

Get out of the car! Hands on the hood!

I double. 200 � that they're escorting us.

You're gonna lose again.

- 200 � that they're escorting us! - Deal.

Come on! Show me your hands!

Your hands, goddammit!

- Wait. I'm gonna explain. - Shut the fuck up! Hands on the hood.

- Wait. - Get out of the car. Now!

- Take it easy! - I said, get out of the car!

He can't get out. He can't even open the door.

- What are you saying? - Look at him for god's sake!

There's a wheelchair in the trunk. He's disabled. Go check!

Easy! Get off me.

- He's telling the truth. - So!

What did you think?

You think I'm driving that fast for the fun of it?

I was going to the hospital. I'm working for him. He's having a stroke!

The more we wait, the worse it gets.

He can't move, he can't do anything. That's why I'm here.

I think we have a problem here.

Come see this.

- What the fuck do we do now? - That's right, think about it. Take your time.

But meanwhile, call his 15 year old daughter and tell her that her father is dead because of you!

Because if he's not taken care of within 5 minutes, it's over.

But take your time.

Think. Think fast. He's dying!

Alright, don't waste any more time. Go.

- Where are you going? - ER.

We're gonna escort you, it's safer. Let's go, we're escorting them!

They're gone. They're leaving.

Good.

Philippe, this is so gross.

You fool me every time with that. How do you produce this...

Alright, you'll really have to get your license eventually.

Yes, but meanwhile: "we're gonna escort you, it's safer".

A 200 � escort.

What? I never bet such amounts of money.

Let's celebrate a little bit.

"We're gonna escort you, it's safer."

Cool it. I helped you big time.

Philippe, an escort. A safe escort!

Here he comes.

We took care of it. A stretcher will be here in a second.

- Are you gonna be ok? - Yeah, it's fine.

- Good luck. - Whatever.

Now what?

Now you let me handle it.

THE INTOUCHABLES

Based on a true story.

Do you have references?

Well yes. I validated my CAFAD.

A certificate of aptitude to take care of disabled persons.

I validated it in a renowned institute in the Landes country in 2001

I have a high school "Proximity Services" diploma

and a bachelor's in "Social and Familial Economy"

I don't... like... I mean... I have been mostly studying rather than working.

What is your main motivation?

Money!

Mankind.

I'm all about mankind.

Good for you.

To help others, I think. It's good right? It's a good answer?

I like the neighbourhood.

I love disabled persons. Since I was a little child actually.

To promote disabled people's autonomy, I'd say.

Their social insertion.

Sports too. You gotta move, you know.

For the social life, I mean.

These people can't do anything...

I saw... had my first professional experience...

It was Mme Dupont-Moretti.

A really old lady...

really old...

I assisted her...

until the end, day after day.

In geriatrics there were good times too. We had King's cake... er...

Oh... I'm also an expert in administrative stuff...

Financial aid... Welfare...

I... I don't know...

maybe you qualify?

You'll check, Magali. But I don't think so...

- Yvan Laprade? - Yes.

- No, no, no. Get lost... - But it's my turn now.

I've been waiting for 2 hours. My turn...

Hello.

I'm coming to have a paper signed.

Please take a seat.

Do you have references?

References? I do.

So?

We're all ears.

"Kool & the Gang", "Earth, Wind & Fire".

Those are good references, aren't they?

I don't know them. Take a seat.

If you don't know them, you don't know anything about music.

I don't think I'm ignorant when it comes to music.

- Even if I don't know you "Sool" whatever... - No.

"Kool & the Gang".

What about you? You know Chopin, Schubert, Berlioz?

You're asking me if I know Berlioz?

I'd be surprised if you knew anything about Berlioz.

I'm a specialist, though.

Oh, really...

Who do you know there?

- Which building? - What do you mean which building?

But, man...

Berlioz was a famous composer before your residency was called after him.

Writer, critic of the 19th century.

It's a joke. I know who Berlioz is. But I see humour is like music for you.

You don't know anything about it.

Tell us about your paper.

I need a signature... To prove I came to the interview.

Just write that "unfortunately, despite my obvious qualities..."

Whatever usual bullshit you use to say you're still not interested.

I need 3 rebuffs to get welfare money again.

I understand, welfare.

- You don't have any other motivation in life? - Oh, yes, I do.

There's one right here. This here is really motivating...

So, it's not that I'm bored but, what's happening now?

Signing? Not signing?

I'm sorry I can't sign it right now.

Why is that?

Why?

That must be a bit annoying.

Because I have a deadline, and since I'm pretty late...

It's "a bit annoying", indeed.

Can't the motivation sign for you?

No, Magali can't do that.

It's a shame.

She could have dropped in her number as well.

You'll have to come back tomorrow.

9 a.m. Your paper will be signed.

I certainly wouldn't want to deprive you from welfare.

- Sorry I can't walk you to the door. - It's all good.

Don't get up. I mean... Stay seated.

See you tomorrow.

- Nina? - Yeah?

- Is she here? - No. She'll be back late.

No, no, no, no! No, no, no. Hey!

Don't use it now. Turn it off. It's using all the water.

Stop the water!

And get out. Get out!

- I'm showering, what are you doing here? - Leave me alone!

Get out!

Make them leave. Come on.

Bitou, I'm not joking.

Mina! Mina?

Get out, fatso!

Let it go!

Give me a towel. Why are you still here...

Get out, all of you! They don't get it!

Bitou, come one.

Hey! Bitou!

What do you think you're doing?

Sit down.

What do you want? Coca-Cola or this one?

I want Coca-Cola.

- Where do you come from? - School.

Can you wipe the trash can?

Where are you going now?

Horse-riding.

That's right, be a smart ass.

It's for you.

Where have you been?

- Holidays. - Holidays?

You think people don't talk around here?

That I'm incredibly stupid?

You've been gone for 6 months. Not one phone call. Nothing.

And you come back, as if nothing happened, giving me a Kinder egg?

Do you think I'm gonna pay the rent with that?

The groceries?

Do you think it's a hotel here?

Look at me when I'm talking to you.

Moron.

- It's impossible to talk with you. - You want to talk?

Alright.

I'm listening.

I'm listening now.

You know Driss...

I prayed a lot for you.

But God forgive me...

I have other children.

I still have hope for them.

I don't want to see you around here any more.

You're taking all your stuff.

And you get the fuck out of here.

Got it?

Leave.

Leave!

Let him eat his sandwich, guys.

Don't give him anything!

...and he's gone!

It's a good one, right?

- Ok, I'm off. - You don't think it was funny?

You don't think it was funny?

Yes?

- I'm here for my paper. - Yes, I was waiting for you.

- You know... the welfare. - Get in.

Can you tell Philippe the young man is here?

Of course.

- So? - The beets are not quite done.

- But the radish are almost good. - Fine.

Hi.

Let's go.

Just so you know, he's had a rough night.

Just like you, apparently.

The day starts at 7 a.m. sharp

with the nurse.

He needs 2 to 3 hours of care every morning.

I'm warning you. Most people give up after a week.

They come and go pretty fast.

Well...

I like the furniture, the music, it's cool and all...

but I don't think I'll buy it.

And I don't have the whole day.

Listen, I was asked to give you a tour, believe me I too have other fish to fry.

It's almost done anyway.

Here, you can communicate with a babyphone.

It's like a Walkie-Talkie. You hear him, he hears you.

According to the contract, you also have your own room.

Here, the toilets.

And there a private bathroom.

Hello?

It's here.

He's waiting for you.

Just a minute...

So I signed your paper.

It's in an envelope, on the little table.

By the way, how do you like it relying on others for a living?

What?

You don't have a problem living from other people's work?

Any conscience issues?

I'm good, what about you?

Do you think you'd be able to work?

I mean with a contract, a schedule,

responsibilities.

I was wrong. You are funny.

I'm so funny I'm ready to take you on on a one month trial.

Do you want the day to think about it?

I bet you won't make it past two weeks.

What?

You can't forget a single bone or a single muscle.

Everything has to move.

We want to keep the skin and the joints healthy.

In order to achieve this, you're going to have to be very meticulous.

Rigorous.

Ok? You get it?

Hey, wake up!

Sleep at night.

- I'm not sleeping. - Come help me.

We're going to bring Philippe to his chair.

And then, to the shower.

You know what?

Try yourself. Show me.

Don't be afraid. Go ahead.

I'm not afraid.

- There. Good enough? - Wait!

Never let him go until he's all strapped.

It's one of my sins.

She didn't tell me.

I'm in training.

Do you need gloves or what? Rub harder, for god's sake.

It doesn't foam! It's a weird shampoo.

- How is it going? - I'm washing his hair...

but it doesn't foam.

What do you mean?

What the hell... are you kidding me?

You're washing his hair with his foot cream!

Wait, wait...

Please tell me you can read.

You look really talented, don't you?

They look exactly the same. Why isn't there only one for everything?

There are 20 of them.

Ok, let's move on now. I won't stay here for 2 hours.

- So I'm using this one? - The one that says "shampoo".

- Are you gonna be ok? - Of course, he'll be ok.

My feet have never been styled so well.

Go have your lunch, Marcelle. Everything is fine.

Wow, do these come with a skirt?

Those are compression stockings. If I don't wear them, my blood won't flow

and I'll pass out.

I'm not putting stockings on you.

We're gonna have a problem here.

Since I won't do it, we'll have to... at some point... I mean...

we'll have to figure out if... Marcelle!

Maybe she can come back...

and do it herself.

Since she's a girl and everything, she knows how to.

I don't even know why we're debating, I'm not gonna do it.

Even for you, at this point you'd probably better pass out...

You have to say no, to stand up for yourself. Marcelle! We're not wearing them!

What's the matter? You're putting stockings on me, you have a cute little earring. I think it's coherent.

Easy on the sass, alright?

Looks like you have experience...

No? You never thought about...

starting a beauty salon or something?

All right. Done.

Now what are these gloves for?

Er... we're going to wait a while more for this.

You're not quite ready.

No. He's not quite ready.

What do you mean, Marcelle?

- What is that? - We'll explain at some point.

Marcelle, we have to talk...

There's a problem with the training.

It's not about being ready. I do not do that.

I don't empty a stranger's butt.

I don't even empty a friend's butt.

I usually don't empty butts.

It's a matter of principles.

Can we talk about this later? When I'm done eating, for example?

No.

No use speaking about it later. I'm done with this.

It's weird argument, I don't like it.

I didn't say anything about the stockings. But it costs me.

I'm making compromises, please do the same for me.

- I'm done with the butt-emptying issue. - I think I get it.

It's not right. I'm done.

- Enjoy your meal. - Thank you.

- Pretty, huh? - I love it.

Am I bothering you?

Is it a theatre or what?

- I'm trying to eat here. - Hey, what's up?

- Do you know where I can find a beer? - Try in your hair.

We had two 6-packs, did you take them?

I don't know. I don't care.

So take your feather duster with you and leave.

Come on, let's get out of here.

- It's the new guy working for my father. - Right!

The "guy" has a name you know.

Damn.

- What? - Sorry.

- What happened? - Nothing.

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

I'm massaging.

That is nuts.

Are you having fun?

You don't feel anything down there!

What the hell...

- What are you doing again? - Experiments.

He doesn't give a shit, he feels nothing! Look!

Stop it, you're gonna burn him.

Lawyer.

Lawyer.

No... this is personal. I'll read it later.

Personal file?

Ok.

Trash.

She has a little something, though.

Can't we create a hooker file?

- Enjoy your meal. - Thanks.

Please.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

Fuck. I keep forgetting.

Fuck, sorry.

That's good.

Driss?

Can you come?

Can you hear me, Driss?

Can you please come?

Driss.

Driss. Can you hear me?

What?

It's almost 9. Philippe is waiting.

It's 9 already? I lost track of time, it took forever for my bath to foam.

- This room's a piggery. - Make me a coffee, I'm coming.

You're supposed to keep the babyphone with you at all times..

And I want Nutella! Not the jams with weird fruits that nobody knows of.

I'm not going in there.

Even you!

I'm not gonna load you in the back like a horse.

What about this one?

This one is not fit for me.

- What do you mean? - Unfortunately, I have to be pragmatic.

Pragmatic?

Oh damn!

Son of a...

Feels good, right?

- It does! - So good.

It's nervous!

Let's go.

That's the neighbour again. He always parks here.

He thinks it's his own parking spot.

I see some change coming.

- Hi, how are you? - What?

How is it going Patrick Swayze? Would you like a cup of coffee?

- Can I see that? - What the...

Come here.

Now read this. Read!

"No Parking."

- Louder. I can't hear you. - That's the way to do it.

- Read the bottom of it. - "Reserved spot."

Now you print that in your mind and you get the fuck out of here.

Hurry up.

Get lost!

We're opening on tuesday. It will be sold by tuesday night.

Can we go? You've been staring at this for an hour.

You're gonna have to change the channel at some point.

This painting expresses an overwhelming serenity.

And some violence as well.

I find it very moving.

Red stains on a white background are moving?

How much for this thing?

I think it's 30.000 �. I can check if you want.

You'd better check indeed. It sounds exaggerated.

You're not going pay 30.000 � for this piece of crap!

- Unbelievable. - You'd better believe it.

This guy nosebleeds on a white board and asks 30.000 � for it?

Tell me Driss, why do you think people are interested in art?

- I don't know, it's a business. - No.

It's because that's the only print of our time on earth.

That's bullshit, Philippe.

For 50 bucks and a quick stop at a hardware store,

I can leave something behind as well.

I can even add extra blue for free if you want.

Stop talking nonsense. Give me a M&M's.

No.

Give me a M&M's.

No feet? No sweets.

Hey, I'm joking.

It's a joke!

- Oh, it's a joke! - Well, yeah!

- A joke... - A good one, right?

Really funny. Really funny joke.

It's a classic.

"No feet? no sweets." But with you...

Come on.

- It's so good! - Good joke.

Of course!

No legs, Philippe.

I'll say it again for Marge Simpson there. Too bad there's no audience.

Sorry, I was wrong about the price.

- Didn't I say so? - Yes.

It's 41.500 �.

I'll take it.

No shit!

Hi, Philippe.

How are you doing?

You summoned me, I'm here.

I'm listening.

What's so important?

I didn't "summon" you...

Can't you guess?

Who is this guy?

Everybody's worried.

Yvonne told me he's irresponsible, brutal.

He hit a neighbour.

Philippe, you know better than anyone you have to be careful.

You can't let anybody in.

Especially given your condition...

In this case...

I'm not quite sure you know who you're dealing with.

Go on...

I have my contacts in the police.

He's not Al Capone, but...

he's not Mother Teresa either.

He's just out of prison. Six months for robbing a jewelry.

If at least he was qualified...

but I hear he sucks.

Be careful. You know guys from the suburbs have no mercy.

That's it.

That's exactly what I want. No pity.

He often hands me the phone, you know why? He just forgets.

So you're right. He doesn't really feel any empathy for me.

But he's tall, strong, healthy, and not as dumb as you think.

So for now, given my "condition" like you say...

I don't give a damn about where he comes from and what he's done.

As you want.

That's all you wanted to say?

Hey, Magali.

- Do you have a minute? - No, not really.

It'll take only a second. I just want to show you something.

- What is it? - Don't freak out, you'll see.

- One minute, that's it. - Come on.

- So? - So I have a bathtub.

That's it.

- Really fascinating... - Yeah.

- So what? - I was thinking...

we could take a bath.

It's big. There's enough room.

I have bath salts, shower gel...

Alright.

Why not, after all?

Exactly. Why not.

Go ahead.

- Start undressing. - Oh, you're gonna play it naughty.

I like that.

I'm taking off my clothes. No problem.

What?

Where are you going?

You agreed!

We don't even have to use the salts.

What are you looking at?

I'm always anxious in the morning, when the mail arrives.

As Apollinaire once said...

Quote...

"I'm desperate when I don't hear from you..."

Wait. Wait a second.

I'm lost, you're going too fast.

I was at: "As Apollinaire once said...".

Quote "I'm desperate when I don't hear from you..."

You might not get it, but this is an intimate time.

- Nope, I don't get it. - Give it back.

I'll shut it down if you explain.

There's nothing to explain.

He's sending letters.

Letters?

- To whom? - To women, usually.

No kidding. Who is it?

There's one in particular. El�onore.

Who is El�onore? I've never seen her.

How come?

That's how epistolary relationships work.

It means they write letters

they only communicate by mail.

Yeah. I got it.

Are those the blue letters?

What a womaniser.

He's "epistoling" like a boss.

What about you?

Isn't there someone?

Not even Albert, the gardener?

- Not at all. - Come on, I noticed.

He always has a smile for you.

Am I right?

- Am I right or not? - Stop it now. It's ridiculous.

So did he get some or what?

- What are you talking about? - Did he plant his little cucumber?

What?

- I can't believe you... - Albert, Albert...

Soon.

Soon, trust me.

Fuck.

Hey...

Are you all right?

Do you need music?

Stay calm.

Calm down, Philippe.

Philippe. Hey, Philippe.

Try to relax.

Breathe slowly.

Can you hear me?

Slowly.

You're gonna be fine.

I need air.

Air!

The fresh air feels great.

- What time is it? - I don't know, around 4 a.m.

It has been a while since I took a walk in Paris at this time of night.

What happened?

Medication side effect.

Doctors call these "Ghost pains".

I always say that I'm a frozen steak thrown in a hot frying pan.

I don't feel anything, but it's still painful.

It has to stop. There must be something that will relieve you.

Yup. This could relieve me.

Well, we're all a little sick when it comes to this...

I might even be sicker than you.

By the way, I meant to ask you. About the ladies...

Can you...? How does it work?

I have to adapt.

But concretely... Can you do it or not?

Concretely, I don't know if you're aware, but I can't feel anything from my neck to my toes.

So you can't.

It's more complicated than that.

I can, but not always when I want to.

Also, there's pleasure to be found elsewhere.

Really?

You can't imagine.

I sure can't. What do you mean?

The ears, for instance.

What about the ears?

It's a very sensitive, erogenous area.

So you get your ears licked?

I would never have thought about that.

Philippe.

- Hit that. It will help. - What is this bullshit?

Come on, it can't get any worse.

Hit it.

Come on, harder.

Easy, let's share.

More.

- A bit more. - Enough for tonight.

Sorry to bring this back, but I'm really curious about the ear thing.

So if you have red ears, it means you're turned on?

That's it.

Sometimes I even wake up with hard lobes.

- Both of them? - Both of them.

I met my wife Alice when we were studying political sciences. We were 20.

She was tall and elegant.

Joyful bright eyes.

I saw pictures at your place. It's the blonde one, right?

Not bad.

We had an incredible story together.

I wish you the same once in your life.

God I loved her so much. So much...

Then she got pregnant once, twice...

She had five miscarriages.

Medical verdict came. Incurable disease. She was not going to live much longer.

We decided to adopt anyway.

Sir?

Please.

Please!

Yes.

I want...

I'm gonna have a tarte tatin, please.

But this time, cooked all the way. Because the chocolate cake had a problem.

It was runny, all fluid inside...

flowing everywhere. It was weird.

That's what a "mi-cuit" is supposed to do, sir.

- That's why? - Yes.

I'm still gonna have a tarte tatin.

I always liked competition.

Extreme sports, speed...

Going faster, higher...

I had it all with paragliding.

I got higher, could see everything. And breathe.

I was raised with the conviction I was good enough to piss on the whole world.

I'd like to drink something. My mouth feels dry.

That's one of the side effects when you smoke weed...

- What are the other ones? - It makes you hungry...

And chatty.

And then a day of bad weather, a day I shouldn't have gone paragliding.

But you did.

Maybe to share Alice's pain, because I knew she wouldn't make it.

In the end, two broken cervical vertebrae.

And only my head left to get high.

When the pain goes away, all I have left is my mind.

My true disability is not having to be in a wheel chair.

It's to be without her.

What do the doctors say?

You know, with the recent progress, they're gonna keep me alive until 70.

With massages and medication.

It's expensive... but I'm a rich quadriplegic.

I would shoot myself.

Well, you can't even do that when you're tetraplegic.

Oh shit. That's right.

That's tough, man.

What day are we today?

I don't know, the 8th or the 9th...

So it's official!

- What? - You did it.

Your trial is over.

- So I'm hired? - Of course you're hired.

- Can I count on you? - Yeah.

Good.

Then give me the "Faberg�" egg back.

It's a gift from Alice.

She got me one each year we were together. I have 25 of them.

They're really important to me.

I don't know. Why do you say...

I didn't do it.

What is it you lost?

Mina! Mina!

- What are you doing here? - Hurry up, get in the car.

Put your seat-belt on.

How are you?

How is school?

Why don't you answer my texts?

I was busy.

So tell me, who did you talk to on the phone?

A cop, he wanted to talk to mom.

I faked her voice and told him someone was going to pick him up.

Did you find my egg?

Did you find it or not?

I don't care about your stupid egg. I didn't find it anyway.

What did you tell them?

Nothing. I had nothing to tell them.

I only had 30 grams, you know the law. They couldn't do anything.

They kept me in custody and eventually had to let me go.

Do you want to have a sandwich?

- I'm not getting in this car. - Get in.

- Let me go! - Hands off! Who's taking you home?

Who's taking you home?

- Get lost. - It's none of your business.

Get lost!

Fuck.

Her polished eyes are carved in delicate minerals,

And in this strange and symbolic nature...

"And in this strange..."

"...and symbolic..."

- "...nature" - How boring is that?

'Where the pure angel merges with the antic Sphinx"

I never know if "Sphinx" takes a 'i' or a 'y'?

I'm so bored by all this.

It's a "I" and it's singular.

Do you really have to go through this bullshit?

A sphinx, daisies, angels...

Would you care for a guy telling you this?

Of course, some use a more basic method.

What's next?

What does this El�onore look like?

I don't know, I don't care.

It's intellectual. Emotional.

Before focusing on the physical I seek a mind to mind relationship.

Intellectual fine. But what if she looks like a dog?

You'd be having an intellectual "mind to dog" relationship.

Very elegant.

Really.

Nothing to add.

Bravo.

How long has it been going on?

He's such a pain in the ass.

Six months.

Six months?

And you've never seen her?

She really might be ugly. Or fat.

Or even disabled.

You should add that after the poem: "By the way, how much do you weigh?"

Write it.

Thanks a lot for your useful advice, Driss.

Let's get back to it.

Where was I?

I think a sphinx was eating daisies, running in the fields, doing weird stuff.

Let's see...

"And in this strange and symbolic nature"

And in this strange and symbolic nature...

You have to call her.

Where the pure angel merges with the antic sphinx...

I'm telling you. Call her.

Listen, Driss. I'm better at written communication.

Unbelievable.

Fine, but I'm gonna look for her phone number because this is stressing me out.

Hey!

She's from Dunkerque... that's not good.

Leave this envelope!

Never has a "Miss France" come from the north. They usually look like crap over there.

Give it back immediately.

She wrote her phone number, goddamn it. It's a sign. She wants you to call her!

Please. Let it go.

She wrote her phone number, Philippe. What do you think? It means "Call Me".

"I want to lick your ear lobe."

- Of course, Philippe. - You're not calling her, are you?

She doesn't give a shit about poetry. Six fucking months of poetry...

He's bonkers.

- I won't talk to her. - I'm gonna check if she has a weird accent.

Northern accent sucks..

Put down the phone!

She wants a piece of Philippe. She's gonna have some.

Hello.

Nice voice, for a start.

Hello...

No.

No.

- Hello... - Improvise! Talk about daisies and shit...

El�onore?

It's Philippe.

Well I...

I'm calling you because I really wanted to hear your voice.

And so far, your "Hello" already fills me with joy.

Hold on. I'm gonna get her.

Stop with your complicated sentences.

- Hello. - El�onore? It's Philippe.

Philippe?

Well, I was writing you a letter and...

And I thought, why not simply call her.

Don't forget to ask about her weight.

- Pardon me? - Nothing.

I'm grieving.

I want to cry.

I'm afraid. Lord give me peace...

Exactly, that's it!

I can't corner you.

- How great that you love "Rimbaud". - Sorry.

- I was first in line. Thank you. - El�onore.

I'm glad.

Yes, I am.

- What a big mouth... he can't be stopped. - I'm sending you kisses.

Everyone kisses, licking ears and all.

Good. So what's up?

There's good news and less good news.

- What about the good part? - 116 lbs.

- 116 lbs? That's really good.

Unless she's three feet tall.

On the other hand...

she wants a picture.

- So? - Come on.

Good evening. Can I see your tickets?

- Good evening. - It's over here.

- Perfect. - Have a good night.

- Good night to you. - We'll be just here if you're looking for us...

We won't be moving. Especially him.

Wait... What do you think women want?

I don't know.

A cute, charming, elegant man...

No kidding. They want money. Security.

Ask him.

And you have all that.

I might be naive, but I still hope I have something more than my bank account..

She spent 6 months reading your goddamn poems. And she likes it.

She's weird, don't worry.

I'm sure she doesn't give a damn about the wheelchair.

That's true.

Plus guys from the north drink so much they're all beating their ladies.

She'll see there's no risk with you.

Jerk.

That's pragmatic though, right?

Yeah, whatever.

The photo is a good test.

If she sends hers back, she's ready to go further.

You can send a picture of you with the chair, but not too obvious.

You don't have to send a Telethon-like picture...

Drooling and all...

Looking like shit.

Alright, alright.

He has a problem.

A big one.

Shush yourself.

He's a tree...

A singing tree.

In German?

Stop shushing me!

It's in German anyway.

As if it wasn't enough.

You're crazy.

Oh man.

- How long does it last? - Four hours.

Fuck.

You looked damn fine in the old times.

Which one?

This one.

There's also this one... I like it a lot.

The chair is not obvious.

But you can see something is going on, and you look really good.

- Are we doing this? - I don't know.

Didn't you have a blast on the phone?

I did.

Is that all?

- I had a fucking blast. - So?

So we're sending this goddamn picture.

That's what I'm talking about. Let's do it!

Give me a cigarette.

Don't you ever knock?

Are you painting?

- Yes, get out! - You're kidding me.

Ha, ha, painting. Did you learn how to read as well?

I told you to get out of here!

Or what? You'll beat me? Is that how women are treated in your country?

You're out of your mind. Get out!

- I'll leave if and when I want. - Right!

- See, I'm deciding to leave now. - Beat it!

God damn it.

Replace this picture with the other one.

Please post it yourself, and be discreet.

As you want.

Now throw the other picture in the trash.

I'm loosing it.

"HOOKERS"

- What's wrong? - Your daughter is.

- I was painting... - You were... painting?

Yes, whatever. I wanted to tell you...

She needs to cool it... otherwise I will nail her to the wall!

- Alright, cool it a little. - No, I'm not cooling anything!

Am I not your arms and your legs?

Yes.

Well I want to be your hands too. So she can get what she deserves.

Since you can't really do anything besides driving your chair over her.

Driss, don't you think you're overreacting. Yvonne?

Yvonne...

Well...

She might need a light admonition.

A light one?

She's 16, dressing and painting her face outrageously.

She's also making out with that feather duster all over the house.

But that's none of my business. It's her education.

What I have a problem with is how she looks down on everyone.

How she talks to me. To you! No respect!

What are we? Slaves?

So give me the go and I'll give her a lesson right now.

Alright, I get it. Let me take care of it.

Then take care of it. Fast.

I'm gonna break something...

He's painting? What is he painting?

I have no idea.

Get up, Philippe.

On your feet!

Power hose, here we come!

Fits you like a charm.

Right.

You don't respect the people working for me. It's unacceptable. Do you understand?

I think she doesn't. Toughen up.

By the way I don't want to see this sort of feather duster here any more.

- I get it! Leave me alone. - I won't leave you alone.

Do I need to drive my chair over you to make you obey me?

That's it. We're getting there.

- You did that? - Yeah.

I love it.

I'm not saying I would hang it at my place...

but it's...

How much do you think we'll get from it?

We'll see.

We'll see more or less?

It's...

- What the hell? - What?

- No tongue. I promise. - You're retarded.

Can't you go faster? I can't run in these conditions.

- I'm at the maximum. - The maximum... it's way too slow.

Nine miles per hour. Suits him?

Is 9 miles per hour ok?

Is that the best he can do? Can't we get more?

- It's the maximum. - It'll do.

Oh yeah...

No, no.

Stick to the ears.

There.

- Bye. - Bye.

Hi, Yvonne.

No, he can't hear me. He's too far.

He can't hear us, Yvonne.

Ok.

We'll be home at 8:30 sharp.

Yes, we'll be on time. Bye, Yvonne.

- What's up? She's freaking out? - Yeah.

It's your surprise birthday again.

It's half an hour earlier.

She's all stressed out every year.

She's inviting all my family, every year it's exactly the same deal.

They're mostly coming to see if I'm still alive.

Just checking...

And I pretend to be surprised.

Everyone's doing their best.

But in the end looks like we're all pretty much bored.

Sorry.

Excuse me.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Excuse me.

Would you mind changing seats? I called this one.

I would mind indeed.

C'mon, c'mon. Thanks.

Quickly. Scoot over!

There.

Very nice of you.

The suit makes you look like another man.

It looks good on you.

You look like Barack Obama.

Really?

She has the hots for me.

Barack Obama. How cool is that?

It's a bit like someone called you... Mitt Romney for instance.

Raffarin.

Or George Bush.

What are you doing? You're gonna miss the concert.

Leave me alone.

- Are you menstruating or what? - Get out.

What's up?

Elisa.

Elisa.

- Leave me alone, goddammit. - What did you take?

What did you do?

- Where did you find this? - In Yvonne's purse.

Imodium?

What was your plan?

Suicide?

- You're just gonna stop pooping for 3 months. - Leave me alone!

Wait... You took paracetamol too?

You're gonna die! It's dangerous!

What should we do? Call 911?

Why would you do that?

It's Bastien.

- What about him? - He dumped me.

He doesn't care about me. He called me a slut.

Not cool.

Nobody would care if I died anyway.

Bullshit! Stop saying that. Let's join the party.

Can't you go see him?

Talk to him?

- To who? - Bastien. I'll pay you.

What do you mean you'll pay me? You've really lost it!

Do you think I have time to deal with children's' heartaches?

- Please. - Talk to Bastien?

Paying me?

Who do you think you're talking to?

Please, Driss.

How much?

You're silly.

Well, there's something. There's a particular touch to it.

But I mean... 11.000 � for an unknown artist seems like a lot.

Hmm...

On the other hand, if I don't buy it it's going to be worth the triple in a year...

And you'll tell me: "I told you".

Am I right?

Hmm.

- You told me he has a gallery in London? - And Berlin soon.

Berlin?

Well that's...

I don't know...

11.000 � is a lot.

Come on, give me something. Does she have someone?

Yes. Fred.

What about Fred?

They've been together for two years.

But it's an on and off thing... There's a lot of tension.

Right now... I know it's not going that well.

- Maybe because of me. - Yup.

- Did she say something about me? - No.

Alright, of course she did.

A little bit.

Yes! I knew it! She's got the hots for me.

What, you're spoofing me?

- No. - Laugh as much as you want.

One day Magali will be in my bed.

Hope well and have well.

Careful with the appetisers, given your stomach issues...

I'm not a doctor, but I know if you take Imodium, something's wrong.

Pardon me. Please...

Can I ask you a favour?

A little piece for me?

No, Philippe! We were chilling.

Yes.

Vivaldi, the Fours Seasons. Summer?

You'll see, you'll like it.

What about that? Don't tell me you don't feel anything.

Nope. Nothing.

Not at all.

For me, it's not music if you can't dance to it.

Let's try something else.

Yeah. I know this one.

It's a commercial!

For coffee, right?

I shall leave thee now.

I am expected by the king at the castle.

I'm taking the minstrels there.

Let's go.

I'm a brave and good knight.

Wow, that's creepy...

It's about naked people...

They're running naked in the fields.

And giggling...

Alright, alright...

Bach was badass.

I'm sure he got all the chicks with his music.

It's the 18th century's Barry White.

Oh. I know this one.

Everyone knows it.

Of course.

"You have reached the Paris Social Welfare Agency."

"All our lines are currently busy."

"The estimated waiting time is: two years."

Isn't it Tom and Jerry?

Tom and Jerry...

What a jerk.

Help!

Rescue the masterpieces!

Now it's my turn. We listened to your classics, let's listen to mine.

"Earth, Wind & Fire". I told you about them. So good!

It's something else.

That's something else for sure.

Am I right? I'm here for nobody!

Driss.

- Driss. - I can't hear you.

Come on, it's a birthday. Let's dance!

Come on. For Philippe.

There.

So...

With all that, I didn't give you my little present.

It arrived this morning, but...

I didn't want to ruin the party, in case she was ugly or something.

You never know. But at least she replied.

Well... Good night!

Alright, I'll open it because knowing you, it's gonna take ages...

So?

She does not look like a dog. Not at all.

Oh damn...

It must be the only northern girl with all her teeth.

There's a note with it.

"I'll be in Paris next week. I'm waiting for your call." "Dot dot dot."

You know what "Dot dot dot" means, right?

What does it mean?

- That's good? - Of course it's good, she wants you.

One dot, two dots, three dots, she wants you, end of the story.

I'm gonna score...

Feels good, doesn't it?

- I'm too excited to sleep. - But you will.

I'm putting the picture here.

She's watching you sleep.

There.

Good night, Philippe.

Sweet dreams.

Let's try the hat again.

- Not bad. - No.

No. He looks like a chimney sweeper.

He can't be dressed too classic.

- What did I just say? - Ok, so it's too classic.

Forget the hat.

Regular or fancy?

There's something.

It works.

- Feeling good? - Jerk.

- Let's ride to Dunkerque... - Come on.

Yvonne will take me there. I'll go alone.

- Really? - It's fine.

Yes. I'll manage.

Alright.

I think I'm freaking out a little.

Don't worry, it doesn't show.

4... a... c - b square

- b square?

I found 20, not b squ...

Hey.

Go take a walk, blondie.

- So Bastien... You remember me? - Yeah.

- Oh yeah? - What's wrong?

I heard what you told Elisa. It's not very nice.

- I didn't say anything... - Shut up.

Now you'll act like a man and apologise.

- I'm sorry, man. - Hands off me.

- Not to me, to her! - Ok, to her.

And you'll bring her croissants every morning.

- Plain or with butter? - What?

- Plain or with butter? - Whatever. I don't care.

Do as you want, but do it right.

- You be nice. - Yes. I'll be very nice.

Now move. Move!

And take care of your hair. Put a hair clip or something.

What time is it?

4:45

Should I loose the hat?

Yeah. That's better.

What time is it?

46 - 47. It's not changing that fast.

I'd like a whisky.

Yeah.

Please?

One more.

I don't think this is a good idea...

Make it a double.

Sir, a double whisky please.

- Hello. - Hello, Driss.

What are you doing now? Are you busy?

I'm working out. How's it going?

Don't you want to get away?

No questions?

No. No questions.

- You want to leave? - Yes.

Where are we going?

Get some fresh air.

Get some fresh air.

A shower and I'll be there.

We're going. Take the hat.

- But it's barely 6. - We're going.

- Good evening. - Good evening.

Give him some champagne too. It'll help him relax.

I'm not stressed out.

- Really? - No.

It's only us?

The other people didn't come? It's just us.

Ok, I'm a little nervous.

Why?

I don't know.

We both know you're not the luckiest person.

The accident...

The chair... Your wife.

It's Kennedy-like scary.

- Miss? - Yes?

Can you give him the package?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Why?

What's that?

That's what you're worth in the art business. I got 11.000 � for your painting.

- You shouldn't stop, you have a hell of a talent. - Yup.

That's a good deal. I knew it.

I felt it. It was instinct.

With the music and all... It all blended...

And then, an epiphany! I saw a light.

Stay humble will you?

11.000 �, though, can you believe it?

What was that?

Nothing. Just a hole in the cabin.

Philippe, tell me if something's wrong.

It was very nice knowing you.

I don't like these jokes. Really.

You're used to drama, but I'm not.

You have to be really insane to do that.

A little bit.

I'll tell you something, Philippe.

- You're a serious maniac. - Really? I didn't know that.

- Now you get Driss ready. - Sure.

Right. In your dreams. I'm not doing any of this.

I'll be waiting for you over there.

I'll take pictures... "Get Driss ready..."

How are you gonna take pictures?

Laugh all you want. I'm not doing this.

- I don't want to any more. - Wait.

- Take it off. - Wait, wait.

I don't have to anyway, right?

Wait, what's going on?

Is something wrong?

Oh man.

Fuck.

Why is it going higher?

What's going on?

Oh my god.

Hey, Driss!

Relax, for god's sake.

I'm relaxed. Can't we get down now?

I've seen it, it's cool. I'm done.

What the hell!

What is happening now?

Come on, Driss.

Listen to this.

Where can you find a tetraplegic?

Where can you... I don't know.

Where you left him.

Awful.

You're awful.

Driss, someone's here for you.

What are you doing here?

Why did you hide this?

- You answer the question. - How did you find me?

The social welfare sent this. It mentions the address.

- And what's that? - Nothing. Let it go.

- What did you do? - I fell from my scooter.

- From your scooter? - Yeah.

Bullshit. Get up.

This way.

Damn.

That's your room?

- Tell me what happened. - Nothing.

- Tell me. - It's none of your business.

How is it not my business? You're hiding here but it's none of my business?

We were only four and they screwed us. But don't worry, they're gonna pay.

You're not gonna make anyone "pay". Does mom know?

No.

- Don't worry, I have it covered. - You have nothing covered.

- You're a pain in the ass. - Right.

Now you stay here and you don't touch anything.

- Can I lie down? - You don't touch anything!

Alright, I got it.

Moron...

I'm telling you, he's with me.

Stop crying Mina.

He's not wounded, it's just a scratch.

He's fine.

Calm down, Mina. Nobody's killing anybody.

Empty threats. It's only words.

Meanwhile I can't take care of him. I'm working.

No, don't tell her.

You go crying in your room if you want, but you don't tell her anything.

I think it's time for bed.

I'm gonna stay up for a bit.

Sit down.

Sit down here.

What do you think of that woman?

- She looks hot. - What else?

Can we go upstairs now... I have something to deal with...

I imagine her getting up...

and turning around...

so that I can finally see her face.

The boy looks like you.

- Adama? - Yes.

I saw him earlier.

I think if I had crossed him in the street,

I could have told he was your brother.

That's weird.

Why?

Because he's not my brother.

Really?

It's complicated.

Is he your brother or not?

Ok. I get it.

All right. Let's go.

My parents...

they're not really my parents.

They're my uncle and my aunt.

They came to Senegal to get me when I was 8.

They couldn't have children, so they went to see a brother who had a load of them.

They took the elder.

Me.

My name is Bakary.

That's my real name.

But there were several Bakarys in the neighbourhood so they called me Idriss...

somehow it turned into Driss.

Then what?

Then out of nowhere my mother... I mean my aunt...

she got pregnant twice.

Then my uncle died.

And then there were other guys, other children.

I told you it's complicated.

About Adama. Don't you think he needs a light admonition?

He came to get you, didn't he?

Driss.

I think it's the end of the road.

You weren't going to push a wheelchair your whole life anyway.

And since you worked well, you deserve your unemployment again.

Enough.

Let's go.

Come on.

Yeah.

Vassary Bakary. Bakary Vassary.

It's beautiful.

Very poetic.

It has an alliteration.

- Do you know what an alliteration is? - No.

- Good morning. - Good morning, Bastien. Thank you.

Oh we're having a brunch tomorrow. Could you bring something more...

Of course.

- Goodbye, Yvonne. - You didn't forget my little treats, did you?

No.

- Good, thanks. - Say hello to Elisa.

See you tomorrow.

Bastien, my friend. What's up?

So it's true.

- You're leaving. - Yeah.

Don't worry, I have your number. I'll call you... Keep in touch.

- I know it's gonna be tough for you. Be strong. - It's a shame.

You know I'm getting your room? There's a water issue in mine.

I might stay, in the end.

We'd have to get warm in the bed together.

It would be a little too small. I'm not alone.

Here she is.

- This is Fr�d�rique. - Hello.

Hi.

I get it...

- What? - I understand, it's your...

So that's why...

Yes.

Well.

I'm not giving you a kiss, then.

I have nothing a threesome you know.

Well... I'm down.

Not now though, I have to leave. But I can come back.

- I have stuff to do, but I'll be back. - I'm joking.

Alright...

See you, guys.

Mr Michel Sabourdy.

Keep it on all the time! Channel 2.

Are you mad about Magali?

No. Nice one.

Nice one, but...

it did seem weird that she would resist. It never happened to me.

Kiss?

Yes. Sure.

Yvonne.

You're good...

See you.

Yvonne.

Wait.

We won't need that any more.

Bye.

Watch your foot.

Let's go.

Wait.

What's your bank?

Ok.

Excuse me.

Could you please move your car? You can't park here.

It's written over there.

- I'm moving. - Thanks.

I'll call you back.

Why do you mind? We're not even driving.

It's a matter of principles.

Go on.

Wait for me over there.

What are you doing?

I'm coming.

I can cancel my date you know.

Of course not. Why would you do that?

Have a good time. Everything's fine.

Yvonne? I'm ready.

Good. I'll be here in a minute.

Well, everything's ready.

You just have to serve.

Call me if anything's wrong.

- Call me, ok? - Yeah.

So if you're ready, I'm gonna serve your meal.

Take these scrubs off. I feel like in an asylum.

- Alright. - Do you have a cigarette?

No. I don't smoke. Not any more.

To be honest, I gave up recently...

and you should do the same.

Even if you're not exercising or something...

it's better for your lungs, your breath.

You're not going to eat.

What the hell!

Come on. Be careful.

I'm sorry.

- Good morning, sir. - What?

It's the person you asked for...

For the head massage. It's Mr Jacquet.

Good morning.

Get out!

Leave me alone.

Leave!

- Did I say something wrong? - No, no.

He got up on the wrong side of the bed.

"Got up on"... Idiot.

Moron.

Driss Vassary?

- Yes. - It's your turn.

You've only had your driving license for a month.

Yes, but I've been driving for longer.

I mean I drove in private ways, out of the roads...

Parking lots...

I'm a good driver.

I read your file.

In your personal evaluation you wrote one single word: pragmatic.

Yes.

It is important.

You forgot to mention another important aspect in our company.

Did I?

You could just take the time to read the poster line.

Hey, that's an alexandrine.

Sorry?

You-could-just-take-the-time To-read-the-pos-ter-line

12 feet rhyme.

- That wasn't on purpose. - Your catchphrase is "Just in time".

Oh that's why you put Dali's watches..

A little artistic touch.

Maybe...

- You like paintings? - I do.

- I like Goya. - She's alright...

...didn't sing much since Pandi-Panda.

Yes.

I'm coming.

I'm on my way.

- Are you ok? - Yes.

Leave me alone.

Do you need water? A wet towel?

Get out.

- I mean I can... - Leave me alone.

There.

- Thanks, Bruno. - You're welcome.

- Have a nice week-end. - You too.

- What's going on? - He's not doing well.

- Where is he now? - He was in the garden earlier.

Ok.

So...

What's going on?

What's the deal with the beard?

Serpico?

Abraham Lincoln? An old dude, anyway.

Victor Hugo.

You need a good shaving. To take care of yourself.

It was high time I came back.

I'll be here in a minute.

Now what?

Now you let me handle it.

Don't you like that?

A sharp fast cut would relieve me.

It's good to see you're doing better.

I did my best. Open your eyes.

Oh my god.

It's terrible.

- It's really bad. - No! It looks good.

No.

Look...

leather jacket, without sleeves, stud bracelets.

A Village People-like cap.

I know! Jos� Bov�.

You look exactly like him.

Really weird. An orthodox priest or something.

- The pope. - Exactly, the pope.

Come on.

He's crazy.

What are you up to?

- I'm scared. - No you'll see, it's awesome.

I look like my grandfather.

Really?

Oh Philippe, the moustache is turning me on. What is happening to me?

- Ok, I'll shave the rest. - Thank you.

Alright.

No. Please. No.

No.

No.

Nein!

- Nein, is what you mean. - I'm not ok with that.

Philippe, ach, nicht gut.

So I'm your toy now.

You know you're mental, right? You have to get help.

Don't you feel like invading countries right now?

Ok, it would be best...

just to shave the rest.

You think it's funny?

Yes, I'm thinking about tetraplegic nazis.

How could they do the sign?

Right. Now, you had fun. Shave it.

- Hello, sir. - Hello.

Vassary. I have a reservation at 1 p.m.

- Yes. Vassary. Table 8. - Follow me, please.

- Over here. - Thank you.

Thank you, sir.

So, Philippe...

I'm not staying for lunch.

- Why? - I'm not leaving you alone.

You just happen to have a date.

A date?

What do you mean?

Don't freak out. It'll be fine.

What the...

Only this time you can't flee.

By the way...

I took my time, but I found it.

Give her a big kiss for me.

Driss!

Driss!

What's going on?

Hello, Philippe.

Philippe Pozzo Di Borgo now lives in Morocco. He's married again, and has two daughters.

Abdel Sellou now owns a company. He's married and has three children.

Philippe and Abdel remained close friends.

Corrected and synched by Fingersmaster Enjoy!