Original subtitles

[upbeat electronic music]

♪ Be yourself

[upbeat electronic music]

♪ Life's too short

[footsteps clacking]

Bud.

[hand smacks] Rise and shine, buddy.

You're gonna be late.

[Bud groans]

No.

You'll get fired.

Can't you just mercy kill me?

- What, like firing squad, lethal injection?

Just choke me.

- Yeah, that's not really my thing.

I could slit your throat.

[Bud sighs]

Too messy.

I'll join you in the bathtub.

That way, all the evidence goes down the drain.

[Bud grunts]

Fine.

Take a shower.

It'll make you feel better.

[metallic clank] [Bud groans]

[birds chirping] [horn blares]

[Tab sighs sleepily]

[Tab groans]

[water splatters]

Relax.

[soap thuds] [Benny chuckles]

Come on.

[birds chirping]

You wanna grab dinner tonight?

Two nights in a row?

I'm away next week.

Unless you want to come to beautiful Anaheim.

Pass.

Two desserts.

- Say when and where and I'm yours.

[upbeat jazzy piano music]

[restaurant patrons chattering]

- So, have you solved it at work?

[Patron] Solved it?

- Remember you used to split tips with Mickey?

I'm not giving you my tips.

This is sexual discrimination.

Oh, you know what?

That's actually a good idea.

You give me your golf buddies at table six

and I'll give you my gays at table 12.

Oh.

You're devious.

Oldest trick in the book.

♪ With gracefulness and class

- This is so inspirational. - Are you serious?

[restaurant patrons chattering]

Oh.

Oh Bud, what a pleasant surprise.

You work here now?

Pays the bills.

Old-fashioned must be you?

You remember.

[soft chanting]

Are you still in school?

On a break.

I'm saving up.

Oh, that's too bad.

I'd like you to meet my nephew, Colton.

I'm gonna need to see some ID.

Really?

It's the law.

[Colton chuckles]

You never asked to see my ID.

I've been through your wallet.

Seat belts are also the law.

Should he buckle up?

Yeah, he should.

[wallet clacks]

Here you go,

Colton.

Can I get you anything else?

- No, I think I have everything that I need right here.

[restaurant patrons chattering]

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- That was an exercise in humiliation.

Oh, is my gaydar that bad?

- It's my ex-fiance.

Oh shit.

I'm sorry, I didn't recognize him.

- Well, we were only engaged for one day.

Right.

Are you okay?

I'll be back in a minute.

[restaurant patrons chattering]

- He's special. - Hmm.

[door clacks]

- [Bud] Did he ask you to marry him yet?

- No, we only just said I love you.

You said it back?

Oh, it made him so happy.

- Did he know your real name is Eugene?

- No, because he's never checked my ID.

[water trickles]

Look,

I'm sorry you feel like you missed out

but you kinda get what you give and from the sounds of it,

you've been giving it all over town.

So finders keepers, all that.

Oh.

You think he chose you?

Don't you know an imitation knockoff when you see one?

Was he right in the middle of an orgasm

when he said "I love you?"

I'll go grab you a doggy bag.

I know how much you enjoy sloppy seconds.

♪ Day after day after day

♪ You want it day after day after day ♪

- [door slams] - Bitch.

♪ After day, day, day

I don't know if there should

be a geo-based limiter, you know?

'Cause people will travel to get a good stud.

Amen.

- And you can overnight ship a load of semen.

- What about we charge an upgrade

to bypass the geographic limiter?

Like a dating app.

Maybe.

- Have you given any thought to domestic animals?

- I'd really like to stick with the agricultural market.

I just feel like this app

would be worth a lot more to farmers.

Yeah, absolutely.

But when it comes to dogs and cat breeders,

we're talking about a whole different level of crazy.

We're talking purebred money

and it's not just professional breeders.

It's pet lovers who want Fefe

to experience motherhood just once before they tie her tubes

but only if it's purebred, not some litter of ugly mutts.

You're not just tapping into a much bigger market.

You triple the app's chance of success.

[soft guitar music]

[car horn honks]

How was your week?

I saw the developer today.

Oh?

Mm hmm.

How's my investment going?

- Well, he was just giving me like ideas to tweak the app.

Reach a bigger audience.

Is that what you want?

It could make more money.

- Well, if I wanted to make more money,

I'd go into fast food.

Cheap ingredients, franchise brands, good margins.

But I stopped at three restaurants

because my dream was to make something just right.

My vision.

Yeah.

Thank you.

You know, I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for you.

I was fully ready to move back to Canada but you know,

you decided to invest in my vision.

[Costas laughs]

- Might have just been my way of keeping you around.

[soft guitar music]

[soft chanting]

- I wanted to give you something.

[key jingling]

Oh, my own key?

I figured it's time.

- Can I have a party while you're away?

No.

How would you even know?

- Actually, I was thinking you could move in.

Move in with you?

It's been over six months.

We see each other two, three, sometimes four times a week.

Yeah.

- So, maybe it's time to level up.

Like a video game?

Yes.

I used a video game analogy.

Do I get extra points?

You get a nice place to live.

Stability,

security.

Someone to take care of you.

You don't have to work.

What do I get if I win?

My heart.

[soft electronic music]

- So would you order that shepherd's pie again?

- Hmm, I liked the burger better.

So what do you think?

Think about what?

Moving in with me.

- Well, there's kind of a problem.

What's that?

I'm not gay.

- Well, I know you're not gay gay

but you're gay enough for me.

I'm gay for pay.

I thought we'd grown

really close.

Super close.

So what would really change?

Everything.

I can't be your boyfriend.

I don't wanna be anybody's boyfriend.

♪ Right back where we started

♪ So what you gonna do

♪ I know

♪ Open it, make it grow

♪ So what you gonna do

♪ I know

♪ Living a life of control

♪ You want it day after day after day after ♪

♪ You want it day after day after day after day ♪

♪ You want it day after day after day after ♪

♪ You want it day after day

- [glass shatters] - Ow, fuck!

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

♪ Just one rest, one rest

♪ Maybe we're just running on that wheel ♪

♪ You wanna roll but you can't put in the weight ♪

♪ How many likes does it take to feel again ♪

♪ Again

This isn't your fault.

You've been very consistent since the beginning.

I'm the one that let my imagination run wild.

What's not my fault?

- I should have known I couldn't spend

all this time with you and not fall in love.

Oh shit.

So,

we've tipped the scales.

Being with you has gone from

making me feel good to making me feel bad.

I'm sorry.

- You got nothing to be sorry for.

You've always fulfilled your end of the deal.

- I filled your end pretty good too.

Yeah, you have.

But nothing stays the same.

But we really like each other.

- I prefer to stop while we still like each other.

No way.

You're like my best friend.

- A best friend doesn't charge a fee, Tab.

Mickey and Buddy are friends.

I'm your sugar daddy.

Ex-sugar daddy.

[soft electronic music]

[steady tempo drumbeat]

[computer chimes]

Oh, good.

I was gonna call you.

Yeah.

What's going on?

Chapter 11.

What?

Shutting down the office.

What about my app?

- You're gonna have to find a new developer.

Well, give me my money back.

Realistically, the judge

is gonna give your money to the bank.

It's always the way.

- You knew this was gonna happen when I paid you.

Sorry, kid.

Fuck.

- You lost Benny? [hand slaps]

Ow.

You lost his cleaning service

and all the free furniture and gift certificates?

He dumped me.

What did you do?

He fell in love with me.

- Ugh, what is with these sugar daddies falling in love?

Have boomers never heard of casual sex?

[Mickey sighs]

What's wrong with you?

My developer went bankrupt.

It sounds like a setback.

- I already paid him the entire budget.

How much?

30 grand from Costas.

- 30 grand? [hand slaps]

Okay, not cool.

- You're supposed to slap people when they're hysterical.

- You're being hysterical, we should slap you.

That actually sounds right.

Can you ask Costas for more money?

- I don't think I can ever face Costas again.

- So now no one's got a sugar daddy.

Can anyone pay rent?

[distant siren blares]

[jazzy trumpet music]

- Don't you start in like 13 minutes?

If I'm still alive.

Oh god.

What's wrong with you three?

- I'm a dropout who still has to pay student loans.

Mickey's in more debt than he ever was

and Tab has no future at all

and we're all spinsters.

Sounds pretty grim.

Don't gloat.

- You better start eating fast or you'll be unemployed too.

Bring me a fork.

[bird caws]

[toilet flushes]

- Good morning. - Hold on.

What's happening?

- I'll tell you what's not happening.

We are not sitting around on the sidewalk

while a bunch of second-rate liars

and cheats live it up on their sugar allowance.

What are you up to?

- The problem with us is we're too nice.

Oh, is that our problem?

Obviously.

Why do we have no money and no daddies?

Too trusting,

too honest,

too selfless.

We gotta toughen up and get back in the game.

I'm registering for classes and I'm putting

all our sweet asses back up on the sugar app.

We've got six days to make rent.

Oh no, not that guy.

[birds chirping]

- Oh, I didn't know you were taking this class.

I had to change my schedule.

Too many morning rehearsals.

For what?

- Non-disclosure agreement, sorry.

Good for you.

I look forward to seeing it, whatever it is.

See you inside.

[upbeat piano music]

Are you fucking kidding me?

- Bud, congratulations, you made your tuition.

I hope our tip helped.

Yeah, that was the 50 cents

that really put me over the top.

- Your service was worth every penny.

- We all do what we have to to make a buck, don't we?

My tuition's paid for.

- With Early's money and your ass,

pet, I know you'll go far.

I hope you stay there.

[birds cawing]

[glass clatters]

[Tab knocks]

You still in bed?

Nope.

What's the matter?

- Nothing, I just don't have anything left

to get out of bed for.

Don't worry so much.

Everything's gonna be fine.

How?

- Bud's gonna find us sugar daddies

and we're gonna make lots of money doing same sex stuff

and you're gonna sell your app and be a billionaire

and I'm gonna have a hundred million

in initial stocks that you give me.

- You think so? - I know so.

I know these things.

Thanks.

You wanna have practice sex?

Get off me.

♪ So give me one kiss goodbye

♪ Don't try to make me stay for awhile ♪

♪ Give me one kiss goodbye

♪ Shoot and I won't come back

♪ Just give me one kiss goodbye ♪

[up tempo ensemble electronic music]