Original subtitles

Previously on Shining Vale...

I'm not crazy!

I'm possessed!

You are a psychotic wife and mother.

You zapped Rosemary right out of me.

You're no longer a patient here.

You shouldn't cuss so much,

or they'll send you to the baths.

They don't want me to tell the story.

They did something monstrous.

Stay away!

Did anyone read the book?

I read it, and I fucking loved it.

Thank you, Principal Woodcock, for your passionate endorsement.

What the fuck?

Book sales are up nationally, and, oh, this is funny.

A woman who was reading your book killed her husband with an ax.

That's your testosterone. It's a zero.

Oh, my God, Terry, just take the testosterone.

I have a girlfriend now. Claire's a writer.

What happened to Claire's book?

The day after your party, she slipped into a coma.

Valerie He believed there is a demon living here.

This I keep for good luck.

Ciao, bella.

God damn, that's a hot exorcist.

What the H is this place?

Daisy.

Jake, where are you?

♪ ♪

- Oh, hey, Mom. - I'm so sorry.

I'm gonna be a better mom.

I'm out there trying to find out who I am.

I'm fucking pregnant, Terry.

Maybe I'm supposed to be a parent.

Your father and I want to try to make it work.

Aw.

Baby.

♪ Love me, love me Love me, love me-lo ♪

♪ Love me, love me Love me-lo ♪

♪ Bom, boo-loo, lo-lo-lo I need it, I need it ♪

♪ When the moon is bright ♪

♪ I need it, I need it ♪

♪ When you hold me tight ♪

♪ I need it, I need it ♪

♪ In the middle of the night ♪

♪ I need your honey love ♪

♪ Bom, boo-loo, lo-lo-lo ♪

♪ I want it, I want it ♪

♪ When the lights are low ♪

♪ I want it, I want it Just before you go ♪

♪ I want it, I want it ♪

♪ Because I love you so ♪

♪ Have a little a-mercy And give some honey love ♪

♪ I'm gonna get it, get it ♪

♪ In the morning sun ♪

♪ I'm gonna get it, get it ♪

♪ When the day is done ♪

♪ I'm gonna get it, get it ♪

♪ 'Cause it's so much fun ♪

♪ I'm gonna get me Some honey love ♪

♪ Love me, love me Love me, love me-lo ♪

♪ Love me, love me, love me Love me-lo ♪

♪ Love me, love me, love me Love me, love me, love me ♪

♪ Love me, love me Love me-lo ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Let's you and me get cozy ♪

♪ Just like the fingers In a glove ♪

♪ Let's kiss, kiss Kiss, kiss ♪

♪ Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss ♪

♪ That's the honey love... ♪

♪ ♪

_

♪ ♪

- Synced and corrected by synk - - www.addic7ed.com -

_

Hey, there.

Think it might be time to purchase

some more protein powder.

I think it's also time for you to get some clothes that fit.

Is that Gaynor's shirt?

Nope, I'm just getting swole.

Speaking of, uh, swole,

what do you say we take this party upstairs?

Honey, this party is over.

I think the baby's gonna be

born with dents.

This baby's gonna be born with heart disease.

I love me some protein, too, but, honestly, this is getting ridiculous.

Well, meat's all I've been craving.

- I think the baby's part lion. - Mm.

Mm.

Oh, God, another alert about a woman

who chopped up her husband after reading my book.

Another alert? Why didn't you tell me about this?

I have, four other times, and every time, you just say,

"Oh, speaking of an ax, I've got a boner."

Well...

I think my book's making people go crazy.

No. I think you're overly sensitive

'cause of all the hormones.

Maybe your readers are taking testosterone.

I read a story that rage is an actual side effect.

Speaking of that,

when are you planning on juicing down?

When I'm good and fucking ready, Pat. Why...

Sorry.

I just... honestly, I got so much energy right now.

You know, I think I'm just excited about the baby

and the... my ab.

Two abs. Three abs.

Wow.

Hi, sweetie.

Made your favorite...

- morning meat. - There's no time.

Um, do we have any more duct tape?

Also, do we have any powdered milk?

And, um, I'm gonna need little empty jars.

Actually, scratch that... empty buckets.

- You okay there, sport? - Uh, never mind.

I have to get back inside the wall.

Okay, well, we love you.

Don't join a militia.

Think he's okay?

Yeah, he's just at that age

where boys like to hide in walls and...

Oh, God. Please be a girl.

Morning.

Hey. Since when do you drink espresso?

Since when do old people hump so much?

Old people hump a lot. Nursing homes are the number-one place

to catch an STD right now.

Ah, well, then please move in there so I can get some sleep.

Someone's in a mood.

You haven't read my book, have you?

Oh, I don't read trash. I just come from it.

Ooh.

Please be a lion.

My mom is such a bitch.

Now she's bitching for two.

What are you doing?

Reading your book.

It's not a book. It's a journal.

And didn't they teach you in exorcist school

not to go through teenage girls' private shit?

It is very good.

You are a writer?

No.

My mother is, so I am not.

Speaking of, when is the Vatican coming

to arrest her?

Mmm. Your espresso is getting better, bella.

Okay, I get it, you can't talk about the investigation.

But I figured with Valerie He's letters,

the Pope's helpers would be like,

"Holy Mary, this woman is batshit."

Valerie He was not so concerned about your mother.

She was more concerned with, um...

someone else.

- My dad? - No.

- Jake? - Not Jake.

Oh, my God. Roxy.

Me?

She thought I was possessed?

I wouldn't say possessed, but...

Well, you kind of fucking did. I'm the most normal person here.

Gaynor, the Valerie He was just worried about you.

Well, she should've been worried about getting kebab-ed on a fence.

Jesus, I...

You lied to me.

I can't believe this whole time you've been investigating me,

when there's a 100-year-old pregnant woman

downstairs inhaling sausages.

- Calm, down, bella, there's... - Oh, don't "bella" me, okay?

And don't tell me to calm down.

You know what?

Get out. Go.

I'm not allowed to have priests in my room anyway.

Come on, bitch.

Just to clarify, am I the bitch, or are you the bitch?

I'm fine with either.

Talking to me.

- Oh. - Trying to psych myself up.

Well, whatever you're doing,

it's working.

You look like a mannequin at a Dick's Sporting Goods.

Thanks, Laird.

Yeah, I got this little guy coming,

and I want to be the best version of myself, you know?

If that means shooting up a little testosterone and HGH,

chugging some racehorse urine, so be it.

You know what I mean?

Absolutely not.

What?

My life's over. I'm just letting the clock run out.

Laird, don't talk like that.

You have dreams and hopes and ambitions.

You live in the best town in America.

Eh.

Well, I mean, you got, uh...

you got Fred.

- Yeah. - And you got, uh,

that little, uh, comatose girlfriend of yours.

- Claire. - Yeah.

She just came out.

- Oh, she's gay. - What?

No. No, no, no. She came out of her coma two weeks ago.

Laird, that's amazing.

We'll see.

You know how it is when you come out of a coma.

You don't want to see everyone all at once,

especially not me.

Well, you know what, Laird?

If I were a girl coming out of a coma,

you'd be the first guy I'd want to see.

Shut the fuck up.

Listen, I was able to do this. Want to see you do it. Come on.

- I'll spot. - Okay.

- All right, help me out. - Sure.

- Yeah. - Okay.

- Come on, motherfucker. - Yeah, bitch.

- Now I'm talking to you. - Oh, sorry.

Let's g... Oh, no!

Ow!

Ah! Push!

Push it!

♪ ♪

Are you sure it's a phone?

Positive. I looked it up on my phone.

It-it doesn't have a screen.

It's like it's from the future.

Dude. Stop.

Don't touch it.

Bro, chill.

What's the big deal?

I'm waiting for Daisy to call, okay?

I mean, she obviously wanted me to find this place,

but I don't know why.

And this thing hasn't rang once since I've been down here.

You need to relax.

You're living in a wall

with a bunch of candy and zero rules.

Don't you think that if I knew how to relax, I would?

Well, you're in luck,

'cause look at what I borrowed from my dad.

Marijuana?

Uh, yeah, I-I don't know.

Um, my family's kind of anti w-when it comes to drugs.

Aren't your parents on, like, six different medications?

How do you know about that?

I was looking for some reading material

when I took a dump in your parents' bathroom.

That was you? I took the heat for that!

Bro, you have a vein popping out of your neck.

You're gonna have an aneurysm if you don't lighten up.

I don't know.

Come on, you little fuckstick!

Okay, maybe, like, one hit.

Yeah.

You trying to have a baby or gout?

Just so you know, food shaming doesn't affect me.

I got plenty of other shit to be ashamed about.

You just broke the top 20 on the best-seller list.

You're killing it.

Oh, speaking of killing it, did you hear about the fifth woman

who axed her husband after reading my book?

The one in Harrisburg or Tampa?

No, I'm talking about Ithaca. How many are there?

Eh, eight or nine.

One was with a shovel, though,

so I don't know how they're counting that.

This is great. Why don't they just list my book

as a how-to for serial killers?

They're not serial killers. They're one-offs.

Ten one-offs.

Look, you sell a bunch of books,

women are gonna hatchet their husbands.

- It's statistics. - Do you know how many people

killed someone after reading my first book?

Zero.

A, we don't know that.

And, B, do you know how many people tried to fly

off the roof on broomsticks after reading Harry Potter?

- No. - Exactly,

because J.K. Rowling has a great PR team.

I wouldn't say "great."

Just enjoy this moment.

It's not gonna last forever,

especially since Claire Vanderbilt is awake.

She is?

That's fantastic.

Eh... I just... I wish she'd waited

until the fall to breathe on her own.

Ironically, that's really gonna suck the air

out of your book's momentum.

You're a good person, you know that?

Listen, I am just trying to think of you.

Speaking of, you were the first person

- that Claire asked to speak to. - Me? Why?

I-I've only met her once. I wonder if it's bad.

Just don't think about the bad. You took two decades between each book.

At this rate,

your next book is gonna come out posthumously.

Just enjoy this. You deserve it.

Hi.

I'm sure you get this all the time,

but I just read your new book, and I am such a fan.

Aw, thank you. That's really sweet.

Bitch, I fucking love you.

_

- Bella. - I think you're right.

I think I may be possessed.

I looked it up, and I have all the symptoms.

I'm angry, I fuck, I curse, I'm impulsive,

my general attitude sucks.

Gaynor, please, come here.

This, uh, is not possession.

This is being an American girl.

Well, obviously the Vatican thought something was wrong,

or they wouldn't have sent you here.

If the Vatican really thought there was a demon,

they would send old man, not a young priest in training

who is a first-time exorcist.

Then why did you stay?

I like it here.

I eat, uh, hamburger, I watch, uh, the Minion movie.

I meet you.

Oh.

Okay, so you're saying there's no such thing as being possessed?

No.

S-sometimes it is real.

But most times it is mental problem.

We do exorcism, and people feel better.

♪ ♪

I want you to do me.

- What is that, now? - Exorcise me.

You said it makes people feel better.

I-I want to feel better.

- I cannot do that. - Oh, no, sure you can.

Look, uh, say some Bible verses

and bless me with holy water.

- This is Purell. - Fuck. Okay, look...

something is wrong with me.

I'm seeing things and hearing shit,

and, honestly, I would much rather be possessed

than go crazy, so...

Please...

I don't want to feel like this anymore.

♪ ♪

Fine.

I will exorcise you.

Sweet.

Excuse me. Do you know what happened?

I think the mayor's wife killed him.

Please don't be about my book.

Please don't be about my book. Please don't be about my book.

Let go of me.

Oh, no.

- What are you looking at, huh? - Principal Woodcock.

Shit.

Get your cocking hands off of me!

Get off me!

You!

You! You!

I did this for you!

Her?

No, you!

No!

Aah! Motherfuckers!

Damn it.

Hey.

That's you!

I'm telling you, it was so scary.

She looked me right in the eye, and she said,

"I did this for you."

I wouldn't take it too personally.

She killed her husband after reading my book.

She pointed at me with my book.

I don't think reading a book makes you kill someone.

I almost killed you writing it.

Oh, I was so crazy, I thought I was possessed.

What if some of my psychosis got into the book?

I'm pretty sure that's not how psychosis works.

Really? How do you think psychosis works?

I wasn't expecting a follow-up question.

I feel like I'm losing control.

This is how it started last time.

It's really fucking scary.

No. Come on.

These arms... take a look.

They will protect you.

You really don't know how psychosis works.

- You're not worried? - No.

I'm not a worrier.

I'm a warrior.

I fear nothing.

Oh!

God, what the hell was that?

The baby's been doing these really weird things lately.

- Like what? - Well, like this.

- Holy shit, Pat! - Ugh, I know.

This baby is so different than the first two.

Gaynor was so fidgety when I was pregnant.

And Jake didn't move...

well, until third grade.

Okay, okay, okay, all right. Relax. We're okay.

Right over here.

- I got this. - Okay.

Sit down.

What, uh... what are you doing?

Here we go.

Shh.

♪ Twinkle, twinkle ♪

♪ Little s... ♪

♪ Star ♪

Whoa.

♪ How I wonder ♪

♪ In my car ♪

♪ Twinkle, twinkle ♪

♪ Little star ♪

♪ How I love ♪

♪ My baby shark ♪

- Wow. - Mm-hmm.

That was so sweet...

and weird.

Mm.

I can do anything.

- Come on. - Oh.

Yep.

- That ain't gonna happen. - Mm-mm.

♪ ♪

How do we know

that we're actually real and not just...

brains floating in vats in a government lab?

♪ ♪

We don't.

Whoa.

♪ ♪

Uh, this one ran out.

Bro, I'm out of rolling papers.

Chill, I got an infinite supply.

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ Keep it funky, people ♪

♪ Gotta keep it tight ♪

♪ Listen ♪

Excellent teamwork, bro.

♪ ♪

♪ You move your body ♪

♪ Gotta keep the time ♪

In nomine Patris et Filii

et Spiritus Sancti.

Amen.

Princeps gloriosissime caelestis militiae,

sancte Michael Archangele,

defende nos in proelio

adversus principes et potestates,

adversus mundi rectores tenebrarum harum,

contra spiritalia nequitiae, in caelestibus.

The power of Christ compels you.

Fuck, yeah, it does.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Oh, fuck.

It's only a dream. It's only a dream.

♪ ♪

Nellie?

Oh, my God.

Your boobs look fantastic.

They put a baby in me

so people would think I'm crazy.

Nobody listens to a pregnant woman.

Been there.

- Am there. - It won't work.

I'll show them what real crazy looks like.

I got to be honest... um, with boobs like that,

no one's gonna take you seriously.

Look at my eyes!

Listen to me, Pat.

Do not let them make you think you're a lunatic.

- You're not. - Oh, I know.

They told me I was psychotic, but they zapped it out of me.

They lied to you.

You never were.

Look in your "foil."

- Um, look in my what? - In your "foil," Pat.

I don't know what you're saying.

- Your "foil"! - My foy-al?

- I don't know... - Oh, for fuck's sake!

Look in the drawer!

_

Hi, uh, I used to go here.

And, um, I was wondering

if I could possibly take a quick look at my file.

- Pat Phelps? - Yeah.

I know who you are.

Um, listen, I've got a note right here

from my psychiatrist.

Um...

Okay.

Um, this is a McDonald's receipt

for $170.

McRib is in season.

Listen, I read your book.

And I fucking loved it.

Come on in.

- I'll be really quick. - Okay.

_

_

Holy fuck.

How many ways can you spell "schizophrenia"?

♪ ♪

What? "See session tapes"?

♪ ♪

Um, excuse me,

can I, uh, see my session tapes?

First you'll need to sign something.

Oh, I was really, um, hoping...

...to keep this on the down-low.

♪ ♪

- Oh, okay. - Yeah. Here.

Um, just write, "To Jenny,

I fucking love you."

Or whatever. You're the writer.

Okay.

But write that.

Okay.

- This way. - Okay.

Come on, pick it up, Laird.

Why are you going so fast?

You act like you're running away from my life.

No, no, no, no. We're running to your new life.

All right? Claire said she was gonna meet you here.

No. No, no, no. She said she'd try to meet us here,

and I might've heard differently.

Um, she just got her tubes out, so...

All right, well, try and have a little optimism, all right?

- Okay. - Hey! Asshole!

There's a trash can right here!

- I-I know. - People are so disrespectful

to this town. I'm trying to raise a family here.

You know what? I'm gonna c-change this place.

I'm sorry, Terry,

your... your passion really inspires me.

Oh, shit! It's Claire. Let's go.

- Claire. Let's go. Let's go. - No, no, no, no.

- Let's go. - Wait, wait, wait.

She's here to see you.

I know, but she's awake now.

It's a different ball game.

- All right. I'll help you out. - Okay.

Claire!

What the fuck, Terry?

Laird!

- Hi. - Oh, my God.

I-I was afraid you weren't gonna show.

No, it's me, Laird.

I showed.

I love her so much.

All right, well, try and be cool.

Okay. I love you so much!

Sorry, I can't hear you, but you look cute saying it!

What? Oh, hold on.

No, Laird!

Oh, my God.

Ah, ha, ha!

You saved my life.

Normally I'd be angry,

but now I have someone to live for.

Oh, my God.

These streets aren't safe anymore.

You should probably tell the mayor,

except he got all chopped up.

Yeah.

She looks so lovely standing upright.

♪ ♪

Claire!

Aah! Aah!

Claire!

I'm gonna clean this place up.

Claire.

It's like bits.

Oh.

Patricia McClary Phelps...

session nine.

Let's talk about what happened.

Can I see Terry?

Not until we find out what's wrong with you.

I love my family...

mostly.

You don't want to hurt them.

Do you?

No.

Well, yes.

I'm sorry.

That's why you're here...

to make these feelings stop.

But they can't stop.

Why not, Pat?

Why not?

Pat?

Why not, Pat?

♪ ♪

Why not?

Pat's not here!

Oh, God. Oh, God.

I was possessed.

- Synced and corrected by synk - - www.addic7ed.com -