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When I was a child, I thought I would live forever.

In kindergarten I learned that only vampires can't die.

Later I learned that only the communist ideology is eternal.

My chances are not so good.

Two weeks ago everything was fine.

Am I too heavy?

No.

Alright then.

The kids're horny again.

Take them some grated apple.

Let 'em have fun.

Plus he'll cum before I make it upstairs.

3 minutes.

What... what are you doing?

My Birdy!

3 minutes, 10 seconds.

Easier than sports betting.

You wrapped your legs around me.

- I dunno, just a sudden impulse. - No, no, it was good. Good.

We could try it from behind sometime.

COMRADE DRACULICH

In Moscow, "strictly confidential" means that

if your dear wife learns of this information,

she'll soon find out the unpleasant effects of Ricin.

If you are prepared to hear the secret, Comrade Kádár, just say, "da".

Da.

I've achieved all a man can achieve.

World power, cars, watches, women. I've hunted and killed 200 bears.

One thing remains: eternal life.

You have 2 weeks to get it for me.

Or you both can spend Christmas at the Gulag.

The lens of Tessina Type L camera has an f 2.8 to 22 blade shutter.

Exposure time can be adjusted from 1 to 0.05 seconds.

3 turns yields 20 shots.

Let's see how to take pictures with a camera hidden in a purse.

4PM, a less busy hour in a cafe. Cheerful atmosphere.

The observers behave similarly to the others.

Their chosen position gives them a good view of the target individuals.

Use of the hidden camera is justified by the removal of a handkerchief.

Replacing the handkerchief, the observer takes pictures.

The observers stay in the café till the target individuals depart...

Comrade Kun! Comrade Esvégh summons you and Mária Magyar.

Dear students! The "Crime Evidence Wrapping" Class is cancelled today.

Motherfucker.

The "Give Blood for Vietnam" effort's guest-of-honor is visiting

Hungary again after spending 20 years abroad.

Comrade Fabian was born in 1910 to a peasant-laborer family.

He took part in the illegal communist movement as a young worker.

He and future Prime Minister János Kádár handed out leaves together.

Sorry, leaflets.

He went to Cuba in 1956 and joined the communist guerrillas.

He was the trusted man of Comrades Dr. Fidel Castro Ruiz Serna,

and Dr. Ernesto Rafael Guevara, and they marched into Havana together.

After the Cuban revolution, he departed to the USA.

At age 62, he's a blood-collecting ambassador for the American Red Cross.

In Cuba, he contracted a rare skin disease, margharita fotodermatitis:

Over-sensitivity to UV rays.

He asked us to schedule every program for the evenings.

Let's see the last photo.

Oops!

Comrade Telekes, too much cognac in the coffee!

Sorry.

He's got nice, shiny fur.

Yes.

He used to get beef, but he lost a tooth so we switched to our local cold cuts.

That worked wonders for his fur.

Comrade Magyar will be the ideal escort for the target: code-named Crimson.

Comrade Kun will direct the observation.

Crimson comes from the aggressor USA. You'll find out if he's a friend or an enemy.

The operation starts at Hotel Gellért with the blood drive's opening celebration.

Comrade Fabian, code-named Crimson, crossed the border from Austria.

In a fire-red Ford Mustang.

His time of arrival is estimated within an hour.

I request Comrades King Cobra and Water Snake to assume their positions.

I copy, Comrade Kun. Over.

Comrades Athos, Porthos and Aramis have 30 minutes

to plant Regulations 3/E and 3/R in the target's hotel room.

And I don't want cigarette ashes on the carpet.

On behalf of all Hungarian workers, don't fuck up the hotel, please.

Freedom.

Fucking hell! Hold this!

Those sexy lips beg for a kiss.

King Cobra here!

Comrade Kun, we're screwed!

What?

Crimson is in the garage!

Leaving a fire-red Ford Mustang-type motor vehicle.

His face is unclear, but it seems he's with a prostitute-like whore.

Looks like the old goat's pecker still works.

Stop fucking around then! Haul ass to your places!

We're in a big fuckin' shithole!

Birdy, the show is on! What the fuck are we waiting for?

Gotta fuck up this old American!

Goddamn blood of whores!

3 Musketeers, the cock crows!

What don't you get?

Crimson is here!

'Tis the final conflict; Let each stand in his place.

The International working class Shall be the human race!

'Tis the final conflict; Let each stand in his place.

The International working class Shall be the human race!

My old buddies!

Miklós, gimme a hug!

We kicked so many nazi asses!

Cheetah, the sex machine!

- Fábián. - Kovács Zoltán.

Navajo Charlie.

- Fábián, you haven't aged a day. - Like fucking hell I haven't.

But the battle must go on.

You were always a good communist.

But you guys really messed up with the '56 Revolution.

Where's Jancsi Csermanek?

I mean the prime minister. Kádár!

He couldn't attend, but sends his warm greetings.

I'm Mária Magyar, the regional secretary of the Hungarian Red Cross.

Béla Fábián.

I am honored to be your escort during the next 3 weeks.

Allow me to extend this bouquet on behalf of the National Peace Council.

Ibolya, look at the lovely flowers the Peace Council gave you.

How nice of them.

Now I'd like to introduce you to the Vietnamese delegation.

Goan Dhang Thrang, First Secretary

of the Budapest Embassy of the Democratic Republic of Vietnam.

Madam Ambassador, Thi Dinh Nguyen, member of the Bureau

of the Central Committee for the National Liberation Front of South Vietnam,

President of Women's Alliance for the Liberation of South Vietnam,

Deputy Commander-in-Chief of the People's Liberation Army of South Vietnam.

She's a whore.

And he's Chinese.

Please, follow me to the stage.

Now let me introduce the individuals beside me.

First, Yen Vou Ngou: the great son of Hanoi,

who, after 3 years of heroic guerilla warfare deep in the jungle,

is the recipient of our healthcare.

The hospital's staff adores him so much,

they even gave Yen a Hungarian name: Jenő!

To my left is Mária Magyar,

who has extremely rare, Rh-Negative blood.

Today she gives blood for the 55th time!

Honored Vietnamese Comrades!

The Hungarian people do all they can to help

the heroic struggle of our long-suffering sister nation

Vietnam!

We are with you!

And now let us greet the "Blood for Vietnam" Alliance's guest,

our pride: Comrade Fábián!

I'd like to ask Ibolya to say a few words.

Okay. Well.

Comrade Fábián asked me to tell you that there's a hair salon

where the girls will set a helium balloon into your hairdo.

And that's where I heard this joke: Bunny's crying in the woods.

And Fox comes along and asks: "Why are you crying, Bunny"?

And Bunny says:

"The whole Party will be here, with prime minister Kádár in the lead!

They're hunting bear! Where shall I hide?! Where?"!

"You're mad, Bunny. If they're hunting bear, why are you so scared"? Fox asks.

"Well, only because they've made even bigger mistakes in the past"!

I officially open the blood drive.

Jenő has a post-traumatic shock, which makes him sensitive to sudden noises,

so pop those corks quietly, comrades.

Let's knock the balloon-head out!

Thanks.

Cheers!

What did you put in her drink, mating powder?

She's like a girl from the choir.

Chloroform. Last time I knocked a big fat priest out with it.

You fucker...

Artillery!

To the basement! Comrades, hurry up!

Birdy, collect yourself! Quickly!

Here" this nice Vietnamese balm, it'll help.

He's definitely not 60.

- Maybe he sent his kid instead. - But he knew the old comrades.

I live with my mother. That's security.

If she lives, all's well. Alright, Ace.

Wait!

- What? - Nothing.

Comrade Fábián?

I... just wanted to ask... how you are.

Fine, thank you.

Sorry, it's the Vietnamese balm, I rub it under my nose...

Hey, neighbor, put the sausage away!

May I have a glass of water?

Sure, as you like, neighbor!

Thank you.

I'll get it.

Thanks, don't bother, I'm better now.

- Thank you. It really did feel good. - To your health.

May I have it?

The bandage.

Here.

Till tomorrow then.

Good-bye.

What's he doing?

He went out on the balcony with your bandage.

What?

Fucking hell, isn't that the Vietnamese lady ambassador?

I'd make that yellow lady swallow the trouser snake.

Discuss it with mama at home first.

Is the view nice?

All the Hungarian limp dicks should see this.

I'm dying!

I pull the wheel. That's always a good choice.

Comrade Fabian told a Cuban newspaper:

"Lovesickness brought me to Cuba.

I thought I'd rather die alongside Che Guevara for the revolution,

than hang myself in a worker's hostel in Budapest.

But we won, and I was reborn."

Look, Jani, Comrade Fábián's former love.

Pretty lady.

Please turn your heads so we can see your necks.

Comrade, please open the cigarette box.

Congratulations on your joke yesterday. I've never heard that one before.

I thought that after that joke, no one would suspect

I'm there by your order.

You're both a comedian and a Mata Hari!

Holy water.

Go on, drink it.

Don't stroke me.

We'll get nowhere with whores.

Sorry, I choked.

Thank you for coming.

Mária Magyar.

But the solution is right in front of us.

Birdy.

You're ordered to develop a trusting relationship with Crimson.

We must recruit him by the end of the blood drive.

He may be in possession of an anti-aging technology.

We want him to deliver it to us.

Crimson's ex-lover also worked at the May 1 Garment Factory.

After the blood drive, take him to a dinner and ask him about his romantic past.

Now stand over there and get undressed.

I was just kidding.

Okay, stand there please.

Comrade Telekes, please give her some tips on how to seduce a man.

Our Éva here has seduced many priests.

Two even committed suicide.

I think the girl's a real character.

Pull your skirt up a little higher there.

I can assure you, Mária has thin, but shapely legs.

Pull it up anyway. C'mon.

Oh, goodness, how skinny!

Look at those knees. You need to see a chiropractor.

What do you eat, air?

Where do you people eat?

The employee cafeteria, sometimes.

Make sure you eat more than just pottage and gravy. Get some meat too.

Maybe show some more neck, or a bit of shoulder.

I don't advise it.

Suddenly you're a fashion photographer?

Yes, well, let's not show that off. It looks like a trampled worm.

It's okay, honey, the point is to have character.

Be a little late tonight. It'll get Crimson fired up.

Let's work a bit more on her appearance.

You two go for a shopping. They've got winter sales now.

- You get some clothing money. - Hurrah!

Buy me an undershirt too. There's a cigarette burn in my old one.

Okay, go away.

Good evening, Comrade Fábián.

Sorry for being late.

I'm in no hurry.

I brought you something.

Vietnamese rock.

Oh, Carol Kim's on this?

You know her?

- The Tina Turner of Saigon? My favorite. - Mine too.

- Le Thu? - She's good too.

- Giao Linh? - Where did you get it?

From a Vietnamese exchange student.

Ready to go then?

Well done.

Nice Volga.

It has a remodeled version of the 2.4 OHV-system gasoline engine.

At average compression, it has up to 98-horsepower capacity.

I love the bone-inlaid choke valve best of all.

Let's go.

Our factory will also work a "Vietnam shift" on their free Saturday.

And they'll take part in the "Bicycles for Vietnam" effort as well.

But their main goal is to over-achieve our annual production plan to 105%.

Hey there.

What're you drinking?

Hüsi.

What's that?

A raspberry-flavored soft drink.

Could someone sing "Splashing Little Girl" for me?

Comrade Fábián, we need to continue with the program.

Just a few lines.

Just a moment.

Mrs. Béla Szmola!

You have a lovely voice.

C'mon now, don't make us beg.

When summer's here at last, the weather's nice and hot,

We go down to the beach, without a second thought,

While mama's getting dressed, my papa's getting mad,

She'll take so long to get dressed up, he'll end up an old grandad...

The heroes of the '56 revolution were executed to this song.

You're lucky to be his escort.

Next Tuesday, we have our lingerie collection's "For Women Only" show.

Your presence would honor our factory.

I'd be happy if you could come too.

Sadly, we're at the Red Star Tractor Factory for a blood drive on Tuesday.

Okay, everyone calm down!

Comrade Fábián!

Has anyone seen him?

Comrade Fábián!

Comrade Fábián!

Comrade Fábián!

Falcon. Birdy here. Over.

- This is Falcon. I copy. - Crimson's disappeared.

The guy's some fucking magician?

We had a brief power failure. Just a few seconds.

Shit, he's up on the roof, getting a neon-tan.

I'll check.

- Wear your hat, it's fucking freezing. - Copy. Over.

Finally! Everyone's looking for you!

Me and my girl used to come up here a lot.

What happened to her?

She was executed after the revolution.

My condolences.

Last time I was on a roof with Zsa Zsa Gábor.

The Hollywood actress?

Yep.

It was a roof-terrace in Beverly Hills.

A bikini was all she wore.

She tried to get my secret, why I don't age.

And did she succeed?

Of course.

You could tell me too.

First we have to build trust.

If we're done here, we could go to a restau...

Where are you going?

C'mon, lean back.

- And what if both of us fall? - That's exactly the point.

We build our trust in each other.

Don't you trust me?

I trust you.

Come on then.

Oh shit.

Let's go back.

No, it's your turn now.

I trust you, but you don't trust me?

Come on now.

Birdy!

Thank you.

Hey, look!

Laci's girl is flirting with this stranger.

What?

Look! The fella's showing off with an American car.

Do you live here alone?

Yes.

Or rather, no. With Jani.

- Who's that? - My bird.

Jani?

Nice name.

Indeed.

- This fella looks familiar. - How the fuck is he familiar?

I'm telling you!

"Give Blood for Vietnam opens at Gellért Hotel.

Comrade Fabian, hero of the Cuban Revolution, launches the blood drive".

And here's Laci's girl too.

Well, the starved mouse caught the big fish?

I'll pick you up tomorrow.

Thank you.

- Have a good night. - Same to you.

- Laci got fucked over. - Real hard.

- Dead sure. - Stupid kid.

Dragging a tire and shadow-boxing won't make him a real man.

If he was a better lover, everything would be okay.

What the fuck?

Gettin' horny from Birdy's blood?

You fucking pervert.

Oh shit!

Zsa Zsa Gábor?

She got the secret of his youth in a bikini.

Hey, shitface! I'll feed you to the neighbor's cat.

Laci!

Okay, okay.

That's why he eats the bloody cotton.

Why?

Have you seen Hollywood films? They're full of perverts.

They have good actors too. Charlie Chaplin...

Oh please!

American films are a peace of shit compared to Soviet War Movies.

"The Cranes Are Flying". "Moscow Strikes Back."

"Two Soldiers."

"Four Tank-men and a Dog."

Papa and I watched TV, clutched each other, and cried.

And each time the tanker won, I always got an Outstanding Worker Badge.

He took a drag of his cigarette, looked into my eyes, and you know what he said?

"You're gonna be the best communist in Hungary."

We were talking about why somebody might eat bloody cotton.

No, Birdy, you're way behind.

Have you seen Dracula with Béla Lugosi?

No.

- Like I said, you're way behind. - What about him?

Oh for the love of that sweet fucking mouth of yours.

He lives at night, doesn't age, and sucks the blood of pretty ladies.

That can't be.

You're right about that.

I'm gonna check out these bloodsucking cocksuckers.

And if I find some incriminating behavior,

I'm gonna call up some motivated gypsy boys

and they'll give him the old Vietnamese rock'n'roll

up the ass so hard, he'll knock out the wall.

"As the rising sun slid out from behind the mountain peak,

piercing the soft blanket of shadows spread over the valley,

the vampire collapsed on the ground,

wriggling towards the coach like a worm.

When the door slammed behind him, the horses galloped off,

sensing their master's agony...

Hey, what'cha find?

It says that the sun doesn't burn, just weakens them.

Look at that black vampire!

Shit.

This isn't realistic. Why doesn't he run? Just look at that.

Right hook, head-butt, and he's finished.

- Not a word to boss Esvégh about this. - I know. Buster Keaton.

- What? - Stoneface.

Try to get physically and mentally closer to the target.

You might try and make it to a kiss.

You two are a couple, right?

Yes.

Some actor couples have to kiss other actors,

in front of hundreds of people. Because they're professionals.

So are you two, right?

Yes.

Is something hard to swallow?

Nothing, Comrade Esvégh, just exhaustion. Pardon me.

Comrade Telekes, what's your opinion?

Don't worry, honey!

My husband and I tried to have a kid for years,

and then I got pregnant when 3 priests were courting me.

A bit of tension can spice up a relationship.

Sure thing.

Who could that be?

- Good evening. - Hi.

I didn't even hear you park.

Is that Jani?

Yes.

I just wanted to tell you to bring a bathing suit.

We'll sneak into the spa.

But we're going to the forge for the blood drive.

Gimme a break.

From age 12, I sweated in that goddamn place for 20 years.

We thought you'd gladly revisit the factory where you first felt the proletarian spirit.

You were wrong.

- What about the workers expecting you? - They'll be happy to go home earlier.

Look, Comrade Fábián, it could cost me my job.

Are you shitting yourself?

You think I'm scared?

So? Fresh air? Steam?

Wait here.

Talk him into coming here.

If you catch cold, the whole mission's fucked.

This is a good chance for me to get intimate, as I'm ordered.

All factory workers report for the blood drive!

Beer and wieners will be distributed afterwards!

Freedom!

Has the honorable lady already made her decision?

Not me, him. You come too.

To freeze my ass off while he soaks his balls.

Oh' is that the only problem?

No, the problem is that his hand might slip into your panties.

It won't. You taught me Judo, didn't you?

You can't do Judo underwater.

Sorry, I have to go now. Over.

Birdy! Copy! Birdy!

Hey!

He got into the building somehow.

- But you said he didn't leave the car. - He fuckin did. And now he's leaving.

How come you didn't see him come in?

I just didn't. He came in somewhere else.

Sure, love gave him wings.

That cap looks good on you.

You too.

I can imagine how dumb I look.

That scar...

On your shoulder... It looks nice.

Where did you get it?

At Stalingrad.

I see.

Want to play hold your breath?

Underwater?

Whoever holds their breath longest, wins.

If I win, we watch the sunrise.

Well, that's a lovely thought.

I can't stand the sun since Cuba.

Maybe you'll learn to like it again here.

There's definitely no sausages here.

Someone lit a cigarette.

But why is he hiding?

I'll go up and ask him.

Hey, you!

You got a cigarette?!

No?!

What's that vulgar gesture?

Fuck off! Before I go up there!

So he can stand sunlight?

I told you: in sunglasses.

Any other protective gear?

Sure. He took a coffin from the trunk and got inside.

You really mocked me at the spa.

I was just playing a role.

Playing, eh?

We're gonna try it from behind.

- Now? - Now.

- I want to say something first. - First you grab it.

You feel it, Birdy?

That's it.

I'd like to escort him alone.

Why?

He knows you're shadowing him.

He can shit his pants from me, but he trusts you.

They'll order me to sleep with him,

We should get his secret before then.

Right, sure, you can turn around now, Birdy.

So then?

Can I escort him alone?

S-sure, go ahead. C'mon turn around already.

We'll fire up our little stove.

Tell me how that Laci kid can't see what a slut his girl is!

Don't be a dumb, Jenő. He sees!

Jealousy makes his yogurt slinger so anxious.

There's gonna be a big trouble up there.

His "yogurt slinger"?

Dong, pecker, johnson, willie, cock, chopper, wiener, tool.

Was it good for you too, Birdy?

This morning, a dirty hand invaded the hospital blood bank's coolers.

And it wasn't looking for cold cuts. 5 liters of blood are missing.

What a monster. Just think.

500ml of blood could save the life of a Vietnamese child.

Do the math! 5 liters equal 10 children's lives!

Éva, honey, just keep eating your lemon wafers.

Pardon me?

Just a moment.

Hello, Comrade Esvégh here.

Ah, hello, Comrade! Did you enjoy the cow's belly stew?

It was him.

He stealed the blood. It keeps him young.

- Uncle Feri drank blood in the war too. - My father?

He told me, that's how they stayed human.

It was in the fucking Russian winter.

Forget about escorting him alone.

You can go.

You're ordered to invite Crimson up to your apartment.

- What should I do? - Try to kiss him.

Then tell him you just got over a breakup,

say you need time and send him away.

Make him emotionally dependent.

You are to be transferred to the observation brigade.

You will spend tonight at the hotel.

What? Irritated, Comrade Kun?

Cool down with a nice ice cream then.

Be proud of our comrade for her great work.

Freedom.

"The Lake of the Vampires."

The "Give Blood for Vietnam" effort

has already collected 5000 liters of blood in 2 weeks.

The life-giving blood sits waiting at the blood bank,

ready to flow freely again in Vietnamese veins.

The goal of the Hungarian Red Cross is to raise a further5000 liters.

So, the Hungarian aeroplanes will carry 10,000 liters of blood.

He likes that Hüsi drink.

I have a taste for it, watching him drink it up.

- Give it here. - Enjoy.

Ideal guest.

Doesn't eat a thing, but has drunk 3 liters of that shit already.

Probably even 5.

That place is full of sausage.

I'm not going in there.

It's the garlic you can't stand.

Yes.

These people have given their hearts and souls.

Chicken soup, fresh meat, and 100 liters of blood too.

They've been intimidated.

Sure, everyone's shitting themselves.

But if you also lived here, and it wasn't a Mustang under your hero's ass,

then maybe you'd be scared too.

Wait! Uncle Gyuszi!

Lovely swims the wild goose on the water.

In the meadow grazes my horse too.

Lovely on its neck the bell that tinkles.

Oh, this shitty Mustang!

You blood-slurping, fucking pervert.

Drinking Hungarian workers' blood?

We'll see how your teeth will look after you get the hammer's kiss.

- What're you doing here? - Nothing. I found it already.

He's stealing blood.

Pours it into Hüsi bottles. Drinks it.

That's enough evidence to arrest him.

We'll torture him till he sings us the truth.

I want to do this alone.

You want to get fucked by a dirty peasant vampire?

Leave him alone.

He's innocent like my newborn dick.

Are you a Mother Theresa, or what?

Wipe the shit from your eyes.

Say something before my brain explodes.

Birdy, what's wrong with you?

Let's not fall off the Merry-Go-Round!

Jenő, something's brewing here.

Magdi.

They're going upstairs.

- Leave your shoes on. - Thanks.

- This is Jani. - Hello, Jani.

- I live with someone. - I know.

He was there at the celebration.

I know.

I need a drink of water. You want one?

You know I don't.

It's too quiet.

- Good evening. - What do you want?

My wife sends these. She rubbed it with garlic.

The dirty peasant can fly too.

- Is Comrade Kun here? - No.

Comrade Kun!

Comrade Kun!

Comrade Kun!

One false move and I shoot you.

- Why exactly? - Why?

A typical love triangle.

You wanted to cheat László, but, he came up first.

László comes up, hides. You arrive, but notice him.

So the two of you kill him.

That's what happened, right?

Shall we call the police?

Hands up and mouth shut.

Give me that, or I'll stick that gun up your ass.

Surprised, Birdy? Never seen a white man before?

I found a shorter route.

Dancing, car-drifting, eh?

Feeding your blood to flying Romeo?

While I'm in the shitstorm.

As boss Esvégh would say, this is the end of the road.

Trust is nice, but it can suck my dick.

Will you think of me, when night time is ended?

Fantasies that now, the dawn has suspended.

Say that you'll cry, that we must part and say good-bye.

That your love is just for me, tho' it's all a lie.

Will you think of me, when you kiss another?

And how my heart will break, that hugs are now over.

Lie that you'll cry and how it hurts to say good-bye...

Comrade Esvégh.

Comrade Kun?

I know it's Saturday night. Forgive me for disturbing you.

What's wrong? Crimson fucked your lady?

No, but it's strictly confidential, high priority.

Okay.

Comrade Telekes, would you leave us alone?

My dog died today.

Lázár?

I was buying a newspaper.

I let go of his leash for a second.

He ran out into the street and got hit by the trolley-bus.

- My condolences. - Thank you.

- Cognac? - No, thank you.

Thank you.

Comrade Esvégh,

Crimson stole the 5 liters of blood from the hospital.

Then he poured it into bottles of Hüsi and drank it,

disguised as a raspberry flavored soft drink.

He drank the lives of 10 wounded Vietnamese children.

What? He's a vampire?

I'm glad you said it.

He drinks blood, hasn't aged in 20 years,

and I saw him move objects without touching them.

He got sick from this garlicky fried dough and flew out the window.

I submit to the lie detector.

And what about biting?

- He doesn't have vampire teeth. - But he can extend them somehow.

It's possible, yes.

At full moon.

It's possible.

I would like to ask permission for the arrest and interrogation of him.

Alright, son.

Lenin lived, Lenin lives, Lenin will live.

But Comrade Brezhnev should drop dead?

He'd like to point out that the gas flows from Moscow.

And if we don't deliver eternal life, by Christmas, we'll be freezing our a...

And beep-beep-beep...

"Birdy, you needed to be calmed down a bit.

You didn't want to get yourself fucked,

you just took your first mission too seriously.

I understand. But your competency ends here.

That's why I locked you in.

Now I'll fill a bucket with hungry rats, and I'll shove Crimson's head into it,

till he confesses to his appetite for human blood.

When this is over, we'll go off to the countryside and I'll kiss you to pieces.

Love, Laci"

- Who is it? - Mrs. István Bartha.

I'd like to talk to you about Comrade Fábián.

I'm locked in. I can't open...

Are you on your way to the hotel to see him?

Yes.

You want to warn him that he's in danger.

Is it too late?

No.

My sympathies.

Dear Comrade Fabian!

Comrade Magyar will join you later than expected.

Until then we kindly ask you to go to the pioneers' blood drive by yourself.

Thank you for your understanding!

Alright, bros.

The whole blood drive was a cover to get a vampire bite from Fábián.

To carry eternal life to our severely ill Comrade Brezhnev in Moscow.

I'm sorry, but you're wrong.

Comrade Fábián doesn't bite.

Every vampire bites, Birdy.

You will convince him to bite Mrs. István Bartha here.

If he does it, he can take what he wants from the hospital blood bank.

Could you tell me where László is?

In a good place.

Comrade Kun will be free, and we'll be very grateful to him.

But if the operation fails tonight,

we will ask the State Church Office to liquidate the vampire.

And Comrade Kun stays where he is.

We can go.

Let's go then.

Listen son, after you've got off your own, you catched the first bus to Budapest.

You came to us to become a cop. And I knew you were our man.

You have eyes like a falcon.

I took the Hüsi bottle to the lab. There really was blood in it.

My dog's death really upset me.

But I went to the market and ate a chicken liver. I calmed down.

And you know what I realized?

You may love your Birdy, but you're not in love with her.

Because then you'd have already married her.

You're the lone falcon you always were.

I'll let you go now, but I could get fucked for this.

You should be in the looney bin tonight.

Grab Crimson, and we'll torture him with all this church junk.

I've got wafers, a cross, a Bible, rosary, all sorts of holy crap.

There's holy water in the Hüsi bottle, so don't drink it.

The bosses don't want to retire. They might even let a vampire bite them.

Imagine having a hot goulash together 100 years from now.

Bright future, isn't it?

Do you have matches?

No.

Goddamn it!

Everyone stay seated! Don't look out the window!

Sorry about this, Comrade Fábián. Hooligans.

They've already tried to derail us once.

Would you mind telling the kids about the Cuban Revolution?

Your heroic acts, while I...

Good evening! Sorry for being late.

- Who are you? - Mária Magyar, my escort.

Have a seat.

Let's go!

Let our song resound from fresh voices lifted high.

The dawn paints a scarlet colored sky.

The earth's heart is beating, awakening mankind,

New roads each step will find.

Come stand in line, by the thousands to report...

If you don't offer them eternal life, Kádár will get you killed.

- I won't bite you. - It's not about me.

Kádár?

Mrs. István Bartha.

Kádár's interpreter would carry eternal life to Brezhnev.

In exchange, the blood bank is yours.

No deal.

Then get lost before Kádár's priests hunt you down.

Come with me.

Kampala, Uganda.

I'm not interested in Ugandan blood.

So you stay Kádár's whore.

We'll see.

- Take me to Kádár. - They're waiting at the train depot.

Outside, the kids would like to recite for you

a South Vietnamese child poet's work: "Rice in Every Bowl."

It's cold. They'll freeze.

Don't worry. We rehearsed it all yesterday.

Anyone who got sick was sent home.

Let's conclude the program with a battle cry.

Our common force will triumph.

Hands off Vietnam!

Hey there, peasant!

Your village isn't that way.

Has Jesus been up in your ass yet?

Leave him alone.

Like a squirrel in a tree,

pioneers are full of glee.

Songs forever on their lips...

God bless!

Easy, comrade! Everybody calm down!

Look who is here!

Hello there, Fábián.

Hi, János.

You look really good.

Mrs. István Bartha.

Béla Fábián.

Remember all the check-mates from me in prison?

You got many more from me.

Shall I suck her blood?

Don't you want eternal life?

Béla, we're the children of light.

When I was 13, I was struck by ball lightning.

Ever since, I've had close encounters of the fourth kind. But that's a secret.

In this land, I am, I was, and I will be eternal.

- I'll suck her blood. - Yeah.

If you publicly apologize for 1956.

Check-mate.

For you.

Birdy!

Birdy.

Birdy.

Comrade Kun, come here.

Are you awake? Make it snappy!

Comrade Magyar, as newborn vampire, will take eternal life to Moscow.

And you'll both receive the Golden Dagger Honor.

Now plunge this little stake into Fábián's heart.

And shove a head of garlic in his mouth too.

It's alright.

The secret police busted my balls so often, I can't feel a thing.

I can still fuck, but I'm...

The Austrian border is two hours away.

Go full speed ahead.

Would you open it?

Will you come with me?

I'll stay here.

- I want to see it all end. - It'll be a long wait.

- Flying? - You can.

- But it'll make you hungry. - I'll handle it.

Brezhnev never became a vampire,

and Kádár got nowhere with his encounters of the fourth kind.

In America, Laci made a nice career at the FBI.

After the fall of communism, Old Esvégh visited him.

Laci got so drunk at a barbeque that he landed face down on the grill.

Got plastic surgery in the USA.

He came back to teach young spies. With Vanessa, his wife.

I grab the garlic, like a hand grenade, and slam it into the vampire's balls.

Then, I stab him in the heart with a stake.

And if I've had some bacon, I would've barbequed him too.

He burnt to ashes before my eyes.

But that's the past.

Vanessa will show you the future.

Vampire exterminator.

Cucumber pickle with garlic, you know.

If the vampire doesn't want to evaporate, he leaves.

Grabs his hat, and good-bye.

We tested this for decades at the FBI before finding the right elixir.

- I read that... - Read this!

Not any ol' shit, buddy.

I wrote decades of experience in there.

But I read in several textbooks that if two vampires love each other,

they don't need outside blood. They can drink each other's.

Bullshit.

Laci also writes about me in his book.

He caught me in a New York based blood bank in 1997.

Since then I've been locked up in a secret FBI prison.

Nice fiction. But I really did steal blood in the USA.

I'm 74 years old, and I feel a bit tired.

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