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1
00:00:37,079 --> 00:00:41,333
DR. EVIL: Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to my underground lair.
2
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:46,505
I have gathered here before me
the world's deadliest assassins.
3
00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:52,219
And yet each of you
has failed to kill Austin Powers.
4
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:53,929
That makes me angry.
5
00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:58,642
And when Dr. Evil gets angry,
Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset.
6
00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:01,603
And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset...
7
00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:04,231
---pe0ple die!
8
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:05,649
[SCREAMING]
9
00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:07,484
RAUGHS]
10
00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:10,404
Whoa! Aah!
11
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:13,991
DR. EVIL: Why must I be surrounded
by fricking idiots?
12
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:17,327
[BOTH SCREAMING]
13
00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:24,251
DR. EVIL:
Mustafa, Frau Farbissina.
14
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:27,087
I spared your lives
because I need you to help me...
15
00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:29,840
...rid the world
of Britain's top secret agent.
16
00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:36,471
The only man who can stop me now.
We must kill Austin Powers.
17
00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:46,023
- Yeah.
WOMAN: Oh! It's Austin.
18
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:49,026
[WOMEN GIGGLING]
19
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:50,944
[WOMEN CHATTERING]
20
00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:15,552
WOMAN:
Oh, it's Austin.
21
00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:18,513
Come on, babies.
Work with me, people. All right.
22
00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,474
Show me love.
23
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,726
[CAMERA CLICKING]
24
00:02:22,893 --> 00:02:24,394
Great, baby, yeah.
25
00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:28,231
Oh, behave.
26
00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:30,984
WOMAN:
It's Austin Powers!
27
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:34,196
[WOMEN SCREAMING]
28
00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:39,993
Yeah.
29
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,081
[ALL SCREAMING]
30
00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:56,635
-It's Austin Powers!
- Aah! Oh, my God!
31
00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:59,388
[CROWD SCREAMING]
32
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,275
[ALL CHEERING]
33
00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:38,427
[HORN HONKS]
34
00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:44,891
[CROWD SCREAMING]
35
00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:50,647
- Hello, Mrs. Kensington.
- Hello, Austin.
36
00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:53,775
Why don't you ever model for me,
Mrs. Kensington?
37
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:57,279
You know how Mr. Kensington
feels about that.
38
00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:59,322
Oh, behave.
39
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:04,327
Ha-ha-ha.
Yeah. Yeah, baby, yeah.
40
00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:06,246
Oh!
41
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,665
[COMMUNICATOR RINGING]
42
00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:14,588
Hello, Austin. I'm Basil Exposition,
with British Intelligence.
43
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:19,634
We have just received word that Dr. Evil
is planning a trap for you tonight...
44
00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:22,846
...at the Electric Psychedelic
Pussycat Swinger's Club...
45
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,514
...here in swinging London.
46
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,308
We'll be there.
47
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,025
[AUSTIN LAUGHING]
48
00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,821
[CROWD SCREAMING]
49
00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:43,784
AUSTIN:
Yeah, come on, baby. Whoo!
50
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:48,163
There you go.
Come on swingers, yeah. Yeah.
51
00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:51,750
[STRAWBERRY ALARM CLOCK'S "lNCENSE
AND PEPPERMINTS" PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]
52
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,546
MRS. KENSINGTON:
Austin, it's a swinging shindig.
53
00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:59,925
It's my happening, baby,
and it freaks me out.
54
00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:03,178
Yeah, man!
55
00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:23,406
- Can I get you a drink, Mr. Powers?
- Sure.
56
00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:26,409
Austin, we've got to look for Dr. Evil.
57
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:30,455
Wait, I've got an idea.
58
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:34,084
Austin, why on Earth
did you hit that woman?
59
00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,545
AUSTIN:
Right. Let me show you, baby.
60
00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:40,757
That ain't no woman. It's a man, man.
61
00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:42,551
[CROWD GASPS]
62
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:44,511
It's one of Dr. Evil's assassins.
63
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,430
MAN:
Look out, he's got a knife!
64
00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:49,432
[CROWD GASPS]
65
00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:56,940
Good work, Mrs. Kensington.
All right, get up. Get up!
66
00:05:57,107 --> 00:06:00,277
Right. Where's Dr. Evil, huh?
Where is he?
67
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,071
[CROWD SCREAMS]
68
00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:05,282
AUSTIN:
There's the bastard.
69
00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:06,741
[CROWD GASPS]
70
00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:09,911
Come on, let's go.
Excuse me, coming through.
71
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,621
Excuse me.
72
00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:18,128
- I've got you now, Dr. Evil.
DR. EVIL: Not this time.
73
00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:23,967
Come, Mr. Bigglesworth.
See you in the future, Mr. Powers.
74
00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:26,303
[DR. EVIL LAUGHING]
75
00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:31,600
My God, he's freezing himself.
76
00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:45,280
Oh, my God, look!
77
00:06:57,709 --> 00:07:02,255
BASIL: And so Dr. Evil escaped
and had himself cryogenically frozen...
78
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:05,091
...to return at a time
when free love no longer reigned...
79
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,302
...and greed and corruption ruled again.
80
00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:23,860
[PHONE RINGS]
81
00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:25,070
Yes?
82
00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:26,947
- Commander Gilmour?
- Speaking.
83
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,282
Commander, this is Ritter
in SoWest Com Three.
84
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:33,119
We have a potential bogey with erratic
vectoring and an unorthodox entry angle.
85
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:36,373
GILMOUR:
What are you saying, son?
86
00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:38,792
Well, it appears to be
in the shape of a Big Boy.
87
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:42,045
Good God, he's back.
88
00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:44,422
Well, in many ways,
the Big Boy never left, sir.
89
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:47,842
He's always offered the same high-quality
meals at competitive prices.
90
00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:51,888
- Shut up.
- Shall I scramble TacHQ for an intercept?
91
00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:56,851
- What's its current position?
- Well, I'm presently tracking it over Nevada.
92
00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:58,812
Oh, my God. The Big Boy's gone.
93
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:03,400
Listen, son, I want you to forget
what you saw here today.
94
00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:04,567
[PHONE RINGS]
95
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,111
GILMOUR:
Philips.
96
00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:07,696
- Call the President.
- Yes, sir.
97
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:11,449
Prepare the jet. Bring my overnight bag.
98
00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:17,747
And, uh, Philips, feed my fish.
Not too much.
99
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:20,250
I'm off to London, England.
100
00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:27,549
BASIL: Powers volunteered
to have himself frozen...
101
00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,759
...in case Dr. Evil should ever return.
102
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:32,512
GILMOUR:
Well, I hope your boy's up to it.
103
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:38,309
We don't wanna have to bail
you guys out again, like after WWII.
104
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,396
BASIL:
This is our celebrity vault.
105
00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:56,745
- Please.
BORSCHEVSKY: Who is this Austin Powers?
106
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:58,913
BASIL:
The ultimate gentlemen spy.
107
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,042
Irresistible to women,
deadly to his enemies.
108
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:05,587
A legend in his own time.
109
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:09,632
COMPUTER". Attention: Stage One.
Laser cutting beginning.
110
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:13,553
Laser cutting complete.
111
00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:30,361
Stage Two:
Warm liquid goo phase beginning.
112
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:35,992
Warm liquid goo phase complete.
113
00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:41,122
Stage Three: Reanimation beginning.
114
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:44,751
Reanimation complete.
115
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,961
[COUGHS]
116
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:52,509
COMPUTER:
Stage Four: Cleansing beginning.
117
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:55,845
AUSTIN:
Ahh.
118
00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:59,265
COMPUTER:
Cleansing complete.
119
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:25,917
Stage Five: Evacuation beginning.
120
00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:28,878
[URINATING]
121
00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,929
[URINATING CONTINUES]
122
00:10:44,519 --> 00:10:47,063
[URINATING CONTINUES]
123
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,070
[URINATING STOPS]
124
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,739
COMPUTER:
Evacuation com--
125
00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:59,492
[URINATING]
126
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,416
[URINATING STOPS]
127
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:07,750
COMPUTER:
Evacuation com--
128
00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,419
[URINATES]
129
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:12,213
COMPUTER:
Com-- Com--
130
00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:13,798
[URINATING STOPS]
131
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:15,258
COMPUTER:
Evacuation com--
132
00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:17,427
[URINATING]
133
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:22,140
I don't want Smarties,
I want a Mars bar, Mommy.
134
00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:24,350
[GROANING]
135
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:27,770
Wh--? Where am I?
136
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:32,192
You're in the Ministry of Defense.
It's 1997.
137
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,944
You've been cryogenically frozen
for 30 years.
138
00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:37,197
Who are these people?!
139
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:40,783
The shouting is a temporary side effect
of the unfreezing process.
140
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:45,455
Yes, I'm having difficulty controlling
the volume of my voice!
141
00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:48,791
BASIL: This is Commander Gilmour,
U.S. Strategic Command...
142
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:52,128
...and General Borschevsky,
Russian Intelligence.
143
00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:54,797
Russian Intelligence, are you mad?
144
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:59,135
A lot's happened since you were frozen.
The Cold War's over.
145
00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:03,640
Well, finally those capitalist pigs
will pay for their crimes, eh?
146
00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:07,769
- Hey, Comrades? Hey?
- Austin, we won.
147
00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:11,272
Oh, groovy. Smashing. Yea, capitalism.
148
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:13,942
Hello. Hello.
149
00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:16,444
Mr. Powers!
The President's quite concerned.
150
00:12:16,611 --> 00:12:18,655
We've got a madman
on the loose in Nevada.
151
00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:22,784
Dr. Evil. When do I begin?
152
00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:25,995
Immediately.
You'll be working with Ms. Kensington.
153
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,248
Mrs. Kensington.
154
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:32,543
Austin,
Mrs. Kensington has long since retired.
155
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:36,464
Ms. Kensington is her daughter.
156
00:12:36,631 --> 00:12:38,883
Ah, here she is.
157
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:44,847
Vanessa is one of our top agents.
158
00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:56,109
My God, Vanessa's got a fabulous body.
I'll bet she shags like a minx.
159
00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,613
How do I tell them
that because of the unfreezing process...
160
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,283
...I have no inner monologue?
161
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:08,454
I hope I didn't say that
out loud just now.
162
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,707
[CHUCKLES]
163
00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:12,542
[BASIL slel-ls]
164
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:16,713
Mr. Powers, my job is to
acclimatize you to the '90s.
165
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:19,173
You know, a lot's changed since 1967.
166
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:23,052
No doubt, love, but as long as people
are still having promiscuous sex...
167
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:25,638
...with many anonymous partners
without protection...
168
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:29,267
...while at the same time
experimenting with mind-expanding drugs...
169
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:34,647
...in a consequence-free environment,
I'll be sound as a pound.
170
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,566
[SIGHS]
171
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:43,823
- Danger Powers' personal effects.
- Actually, my name is Austin Powers.
172
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:48,578
- It says here, "Name: Danger Powers."
- No, no, no.
173
00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:51,414
Danger's my middle name.
174
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:54,751
Okay, Austin Danger Powers:
175
00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:58,880
- One blue crushed-velvet suit.
- Hey, all right.
176
00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:02,050
- One frilly lace cravat.
- There it is.
177
00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:05,011
One silver medallion with male symbol.
178
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:09,098
- One pair of Italian boots.
- Buongiorno, boys.
179
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:12,852
One vinyl record album:
Burt Bacharach Plays His Hits.
180
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:19,692
AUSTIN: Hey, Burt. How are you?
- One Swedish-made penis-enlarger pump.
181
00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:22,612
That's not mine.
182
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:27,367
One credit card receipt
for Swedish-made penis-enlarger...
183
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,077
...signed by Austin Powers.
184
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:32,121
I'm telling you, baby, that's not mine.
185
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:36,125
One warranty card
for Swedish-made penis-enlarger pump...
186
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:38,252
...filled out by Austin Powers.
187
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:41,964
I don't even know what this is.
This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.
188
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:44,967
One book: Swedish-Made
Penis Enlarger Pumps and Me:
189
00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:51,974
This Sort of Thing Is My Bag, Baby,
by Austin Powers.
190
00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:53,434
Ah.
191
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:56,562
- Just sign the form.
- Okay, don't get heavy, man. I'll sign.
192
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:59,982
You know, just to get things moving,
you know.
193
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:01,401
You all right, baby?
194
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:05,613
Listen, Mr. Powers,
I look forward to working with you...
195
00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:08,825
...but do me a favor
and stop calling me baby.
196
00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:13,955
- You can address me as Agent Kensington.
- Oh, come on.
197
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:18,501
- All right, then. Vanessa.
- Was that so hard?
198
00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:19,877
[VANESSA CHUCKLES]
199
00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:22,171
Now, come along.
We have to leave immediately.
200
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:24,757
We've preserved your private jet
just as you left it.
201
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:29,512
-It's waiting at Heathrow Airport.
- My jumbo jet? Smashing, baby.
202
00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:32,306
Ooh, sorry.
203
00:15:32,473 --> 00:15:34,434
[WHISPERS]
Mr. Powers.
204
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:41,524
Quickly.
Quickly, come on, now. Let's go.
205
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:46,362
[BAND PLAYING PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC]
206
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:58,708
DR. EVIL: Gentlemen,
welcome to my underground lair.
207
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:01,878
It's been 30 years, but I'm back.
208
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:06,340
Everything's gone perfectly to plan
except for one small flaw.
209
00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:10,052
Due to a technical error
by my henchman, Mustafa...
210
00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:13,723
...complications arose
in the unfreezing process.
211
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:17,643
- My design was perfect.
- Look what you did to Mr. Bigglesworth!
212
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:18,936
[MEOWS]
213
00:16:20,438 --> 00:16:25,151
But, Dr. Evil, we were unable
to anticipate feline complications...
214
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,028
...due to the reanimation process.
215
00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:28,362
DR. EVIL:
Silence!
216
00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:30,239
[YELLS]
217
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:32,950
[MUSTAFA SCREAMS]
218
00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:38,456
Let this be a reminder to you all...
219
00:16:38,623 --> 00:16:41,626
...that this organization
will not tolerate failure.
220
00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:44,086
[MUSTAFA GROANING]
221
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:50,551
Gentlemen, let's get down to business.
222
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:52,929
[MUSTAFA GROANING]
223
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:58,267
- We've got a lot of work to do.
MUSTAFA: Someone help me.
224
00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:02,438
I'm still alive, only I'm very badly burned.
225
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:07,944
Some of you I know.
Some of you I'm meeting for the first time.
226
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:11,906
MUSTAFA:
Aah. Hello up there. Anyone?
227
00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:15,868
Could someone call an ambulance?
I'm in quite a lot of pain.
228
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,454
Okay, you've all been gathered here
to form my evil cabinet--
229
00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:20,790
MUSTAFA: Ohh!
- Excuse me. Heh.
230
00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:22,833
- Yes, he's down there.
MAN: ls he dead yet?
231
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,295
No, not dead. No, burnt, badly.
232
00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:28,548
Should I take care of him,
possibly with a gun?
233
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,174
-'(es.
- Kill him?
234
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:31,634
Right.
235
00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:34,303
MUSTAFA: If somebody could open
the retrieval hatch down here...
236
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:37,431
...I could get out.
See, I designed this device myself.
237
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:38,808
[DOOR OPENS]
238
00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:41,727
MUSTAFA:
Oh, hi. Good. I'm glad you found me.
239
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:44,981
Listen, I'm very badly burned,
so if you could just--
240
00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:46,732
[GUNSHOT]
241
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,694
MUSTAFA: You shot me!
- Okay, moving on.
242
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:52,572
MUSTAFA:
You shot me right in the arm! Why did--?
243
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,490
[GUNSHOT]
244
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,584
[DOOR CLOSES]
245
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:08,588
Right. Let me go around the table
and introduce everyone.
246
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:13,759
Frau Farbissina, founder of the militant wing
of the Salvation Army.
247
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:19,640
Random Task, Korean ex-wrestler,
evil handyman extraordinaire.
248
00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:24,020
Random Task, show them what you do.
249
00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:35,656
[NECK CRACKS]
250
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:41,078
Patty O'Brien, ex-Irish assassin.
251
00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:45,041
His trademark, a superstitious man,
he leaves a tiny keepsake...
252
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:48,336
...from his good-luck bracelet
on every victim he kills.
253
00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:52,882
Scotland Yard would love to get their hands
on that piece of evidence.
254
00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:56,385
Yeah, they're always after
me lucky charms.
255
00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:59,013
[CHUCKLING]
256
00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:00,848
[SNICKERING]
257
00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:04,685
What? Why does everyone always laugh
when I say that?
258
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,563
They are after me lucky charms.
259
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:09,523
What?
260
00:19:09,690 --> 00:19:15,112
It's a television commercial,
with this cartoon leprechaun.
261
00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:17,573
And all of these children
are trying to chase him.
262
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:21,243
"Hey, leprechaun man, leprechaun man.
We want to get your lucky charms."
263
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:25,414
Ha, ha. Oh, and there's all of these
little tiny bits of marshmallows...
264
00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:29,210
...just stuck right in the cereal,
so that when the kids eat them, they think:
265
00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:31,504
"Oh, this is candy. I'm having fun."
Ha-ha-ha.
266
00:19:34,757 --> 00:19:39,345
Finally we come to my number-two man.
His name?
267
00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:40,930
Number Two.
268
00:19:41,097 --> 00:19:47,978
For 30 years, Number Two has run Virtucon,
the legitimate face of my evil empire.
269
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:54,777
Dr. Evil, over the last 30 years,
Virtucon has grown by leaps and bounds.
270
00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:59,615
About 15 years ago,
we changed from volatile chemicals...
271
00:19:59,782 --> 00:20:02,451
...to the communications industry.
272
00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:05,913
We own cable companies in 38 states.
273
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:11,794
We own a steel mill in Cleveland,
shipping in Texas, oil refineries in Seattle...
274
00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:16,382
...and a factory in Chicago
that makes miniature models of factories.
275
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,634
Naturally, yes.
276
00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,469
Gentlemen.
277
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,265
I have a plan.
278
00:20:27,518 --> 00:20:29,228
[MR. BIGGLESWORTH MEOWS]
279
00:20:33,816 --> 00:20:35,443
It's called blackmail.
280
00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:40,990
As you know, the royal family of Britain
are the wealthiest landowners in the world.
281
00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:45,286
Either the royal family pays us
an exorbitant amount of money...
282
00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:49,999
...or we make it seem that Prince Charles
has had an affair outside of marriage...
283
00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:55,045
...and therefore, would have to divorce.
284
00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:56,964
[NUMBER TWO CLEARS THROAT]
285
00:20:57,131 --> 00:21:01,844
Prince Charles did have an affair,
he admitted it, and they are now divorced.
286
00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:04,430
Right. Okay, you have
to tell me these things.
287
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:09,351
All right?
I've been frozen for 3O years, okay?
288
00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:15,858
Throw me a fricking bone here.
I'm the boss. Need the info.
289
00:21:16,025 --> 00:21:19,278
Okay, no problem.
Here's my second plan.
290
00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:22,490
Back in the '60s,
I developed a weather-changing machine...
291
00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:25,159
...which was, in essence,
a sophisticated heat beam...
292
00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:26,952
...which we called a "laser."
293
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:32,333
Using these "lasers," we punch a hole
in the protective layer around the world...
294
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:35,669
...which we call the "ozone layer."
295
00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:39,381
Slowly, but surely, ultraviolet rays
would pour in...
296
00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:45,471
...increasing the risk of skin cancer,
that is, unless...
297
00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:50,226
...the world pays us a hefty ransom?
298
00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:52,394
[CLEARS THROAT]
299
00:21:54,897 --> 00:21:58,067
That also already has happened.
300
00:21:58,567 --> 00:21:59,985
Shit.
301
00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:03,405
Oh, hell,
let's just do what we always do:
302
00:22:03,572 --> 00:22:07,409
Hijack some nuclear weapons
and hold the world hostage, yeah? Good.
303
00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:09,411
Gentlemen, it's come to my attention...
304
00:22:09,578 --> 00:22:13,082
...that a breakaway Russian republic,
Kreplachistan, is about to transfer...
305
00:22:13,249 --> 00:22:18,087
...a nuclear warhead to the United Nations
in a few days. Here's the plan.
306
00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:22,883
We get the warhead
and we hold the world ransom for...
307
00:22:23,634 --> 00:22:26,679
...$1 million.
308
00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:28,556
[CLEARS THROAT]
309
00:22:29,390 --> 00:22:34,186
Well, don't you think we should, maybe,
ask for more than a million dollars?
310
00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:38,107
A million dollars
isn't exactly a lot of money these days.
311
00:22:38,274 --> 00:22:41,819
Virtucon alone
makes over $9 billion a year.
312
00:22:41,986 --> 00:22:45,364
- Really? That's a lot of money.
- Mm-hm.
313
00:22:45,531 --> 00:22:50,244
Okay, then.
We hold the world ransom for...
314
00:22:50,995 --> 00:22:56,000
...$100 billion.
315
00:22:59,336 --> 00:23:01,797
AUSTIN:
Pretty groovy jumbo jet, eh?
316
00:23:01,964 --> 00:23:06,302
When you see this jet a-rocking
don't come a-knocking, baby, yeah.
317
00:23:06,468 --> 00:23:08,596
I'm gonna need you to sign
these release forms.
318
00:23:08,762 --> 00:23:10,639
- Release forms?
- You're not officially...
319
00:23:10,806 --> 00:23:14,351
...working for the Ministry of Defense.
These forms indemnify the Ministry...
320
00:23:14,518 --> 00:23:17,813
...against any, um, mishaps
that may occur in the line of duty.
321
00:23:17,980 --> 00:23:22,651
Mishaps? But isn't that what being
an international man of mystery is all about?
322
00:23:23,986 --> 00:23:28,490
Okay, name: Austin Danger Powers.
323
00:23:28,657 --> 00:23:30,993
Sex: Yes, please.
324
00:23:31,869 --> 00:23:33,287
[CHUCKLES]
325
00:23:33,454 --> 00:23:36,665
How does a hot chick like you
end up working at the Ministry of Defense?
326
00:23:36,832 --> 00:23:41,795
Oh, well, I went to Oxford
where I excelled in several subjects...
327
00:23:41,962 --> 00:23:44,340
...but I ended up specializing
in foreign languages.
328
00:23:44,506 --> 00:23:47,968
You know, I really wanted to travel.
You know, sort of see the world.
329
00:23:48,135 --> 00:23:51,180
That's fascinating, Vanessa. Listen,
why don't we go in the back and shag?
330
00:23:51,347 --> 00:23:53,724
- What?
- I've been frozen for 30 years.
331
00:23:53,891 --> 00:23:56,435
I've gotta see
if my bits and pieces are still working.
332
00:23:56,602 --> 00:23:59,355
- Excuse me?
- My wedding tackle.
333
00:23:59,521 --> 00:24:01,148
- I'm sorry. Uh--
- My meat and two veg.
334
00:24:01,315 --> 00:24:02,816
My twig and berries.
335
00:24:02,983 --> 00:24:06,028
- Hello, lads, are you still awake?
- Mr. Powers, Mr. Powers, please.
336
00:24:06,695 --> 00:24:09,490
I'd appreciate it
if you could concentrate on our mission...
337
00:24:09,657 --> 00:24:12,034
...and give your libido a rest.
338
00:24:13,202 --> 00:24:15,120
Can I, uh...?
339
00:24:15,663 --> 00:24:18,374
Can I show you something?
340
00:24:31,971 --> 00:24:35,641
I won't bite, hard.
341
00:24:40,270 --> 00:24:42,356
All right.
342
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:46,819
Let me ask you a question,
and be honest.
343
00:24:47,611 --> 00:24:48,696
Ooh!
344
00:24:48,862 --> 00:24:54,868
Do I make you horny? Randy?
Do I make you horny, baby? Yeah, do I?
345
00:24:55,035 --> 00:24:58,205
God, I hope this is part
of the unfreezing process.
346
00:24:58,372 --> 00:25:00,749
- Oh, turbulence. Oh, look at that.
- Oh! Aah!
347
00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:02,918
- Oh, turbulence. Oh, I fell over.
- Oh!
348
00:25:03,085 --> 00:25:05,838
- Oh, I fell over again.
- Get off me. Oh!
349
00:25:06,005 --> 00:25:07,923
Mr. Powers!
350
00:25:08,298 --> 00:25:12,094
I will never have sex with you, ever.
If you were the last man on Earth...
351
00:25:12,261 --> 00:25:15,597
...and I was the last woman on Earth,
and the future of the human race...
352
00:25:15,764 --> 00:25:18,308
...depended on our having sex
simply for procreation...
353
00:25:18,475 --> 00:25:20,728
...I still would not have sex with you.
354
00:25:21,603 --> 00:25:23,605
What's your point, Vanessa?
355
00:25:24,356 --> 00:25:25,441
[SIGHS]
356
00:25:27,276 --> 00:25:30,696
[THE MIKE POWERS POPS' "CALL ME"
PLAYING ON STEREO]
357
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:36,493
[VANESSA SCOFFS]
358
00:25:36,660 --> 00:25:37,995
[CHUCKLES]
359
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:41,540
Yeah.
360
00:25:41,874 --> 00:25:44,376
Remember when we froze your semen?
361
00:25:44,543 --> 00:25:47,087
You said if it didn't look
like you were coming back...
362
00:25:47,254 --> 00:25:49,048
...we should try to make you a son...
363
00:25:49,214 --> 00:25:51,717
-...so that a part of you could live forever?
- Oh, sure.
364
00:25:51,884 --> 00:25:57,139
Well, after a couple of years,
we got a little impatient.
365
00:25:57,306 --> 00:26:01,477
Dr. Evil, I want you to meet your son.
366
00:26:01,643 --> 00:26:02,811
MY Son?
367
00:26:02,978 --> 00:26:04,396
[SPEAKS IN GERMAN]
368
00:26:04,563 --> 00:26:05,814
- Scott!
- Ugh.
369
00:26:05,981 --> 00:26:07,107
[DOOR OPENS]
370
00:26:11,278 --> 00:26:12,446
[DOOR CLOSES]
371
00:26:14,573 --> 00:26:17,785
DR. EVIL: Hello, Scott.
- Hi.
372
00:26:18,118 --> 00:26:23,165
I'm your father, Dr. Evil.
373
00:26:25,167 --> 00:26:26,835
I haven't seen you my whole life.
374
00:26:27,002 --> 00:26:30,923
And now you come back
and just expect a relationship?
375
00:26:31,090 --> 00:26:33,300
Pfft. I hate you.
376
00:26:36,470 --> 00:26:37,679
What?
377
00:26:37,846 --> 00:26:41,809
- Can I have a hug?
SCOTT: No.
378
00:26:42,601 --> 00:26:43,852
- Give me a hug.
SCOTT: No way.
379
00:26:44,019 --> 00:26:45,145
- Come here.
SCOTT: I'm not.
380
00:26:45,312 --> 00:26:46,438
- Let's go.
SCOTT: Forget it.
381
00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:48,315
DR. EVIL: Pronto.
- What are you doing?
382
00:26:48,482 --> 00:26:51,819
I'm With it. I'm hip.
383
00:26:51,985 --> 00:26:54,655
[HUMMING]
384
00:27:00,994 --> 00:27:02,412
Hah.
385
00:27:05,541 --> 00:27:09,545
Well, don't look at me like I'm fricking
Frankenstein. Give your father a hug.
386
00:27:09,711 --> 00:27:13,465
- You're-- Hey. Don't touch me.
- Come on. Hug. Hug.
387
00:27:13,632 --> 00:27:16,844
- Get away from me, you lazy-eyed psycho.
- Hug.
388
00:27:30,649 --> 00:27:33,068
[TIRES SCREECHING]
389
00:27:33,235 --> 00:27:36,196
AUSTIN:
Viva Las Vegas, baby! Yeah!
390
00:27:44,830 --> 00:27:45,998
[AUSTIN CHEERS]
391
00:27:46,165 --> 00:27:50,252
- Yeah.
VALET: Welcome to Las Vegas, sir.
392
00:27:53,130 --> 00:27:58,760
- So which side of the bed do you want?
- You're sleeping on the sofa, Mr. Powers.
393
00:27:58,927 --> 00:28:01,096
In fact, I'd like to take this opportunity...
394
00:28:01,263 --> 00:28:03,682
...to remind you
the only reason we're sharing a room...
395
00:28:03,849 --> 00:28:06,935
...is to keep up the context
that we're a married couple on vacation.
396
00:28:07,102 --> 00:28:11,273
Right. Shall we shag now
or shall we shag later?
397
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:14,109
How do you like to do it?
Do you like to wash up first?
398
00:28:14,276 --> 00:28:18,614
You know, top and tails? Whore's bath.
Personally, before I'm on the job...
399
00:28:18,780 --> 00:28:22,576
...I like to give my undercarriage
a bit of a how's your father.
400
00:28:23,827 --> 00:28:25,078
I'm just joking, Vanessa.
401
00:28:25,245 --> 00:28:29,374
I'm just trying to get a rise out of you,
that's all. For shits and giggles.
402
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:32,044
Let's unpack.
403
00:28:38,008 --> 00:28:40,886
Gor blimey. Nerd alert.
404
00:28:43,055 --> 00:28:44,348
[AUSTIN slel-ls]
405
00:28:55,484 --> 00:28:56,777
How did this get in here?
406
00:28:57,319 --> 00:29:02,115
Somebody's playing a prank on me.
Honestly, it's not mine.
407
00:29:02,282 --> 00:29:05,827
Hey, Americans. Yeah. Enjoy that wine.
408
00:29:05,994 --> 00:29:07,371
Hey, there you are.
409
00:29:07,537 --> 00:29:10,332
- Do I know you?
- No. But that's where you are, you're there.
410
00:29:10,499 --> 00:29:13,835
Hey, viva Las Vegas, baby.
Hey, how are you?
411
00:29:14,002 --> 00:29:15,379
- Okay, Austin?
- Yes.
412
00:29:15,545 --> 00:29:18,257
Austin. There's a company in Las Vegas
called Virtucon...
413
00:29:18,423 --> 00:29:21,051
...which we think
may be linked to Dr. Evil.
414
00:29:21,218 --> 00:29:24,596
Plenty of the Virtucon executives
are gambling in this casino.
415
00:29:25,055 --> 00:29:28,350
AUSTIN: Smashing. Let's go.
VANESSA: Look. There's one over there.
416
00:29:28,850 --> 00:29:29,977
Changing a thousand.
417
00:29:30,143 --> 00:29:32,521
Hello. Excuse me.
418
00:29:36,191 --> 00:29:39,861
- Do you mind if I join you?
- Not at all.
419
00:29:41,488 --> 00:29:42,990
DEALER:
Game is blackjack, gentlemen.
420
00:29:43,448 --> 00:29:45,617
Ten thousand dollars minimum bet.
421
00:29:46,201 --> 00:29:49,037
King for you, sir. And a three for you.
422
00:29:51,164 --> 00:29:53,125
Seventeen.
423
00:30:00,257 --> 00:30:03,635
- Hit me.
- You have 17, sir.
424
00:30:04,386 --> 00:30:06,888
I like to live dangerously.
425
00:30:09,975 --> 00:30:11,977
Four. Twenty-one.
426
00:30:12,144 --> 00:30:15,564
MAN: Nice. Nice.
WOMAN: Nice.
427
00:30:15,731 --> 00:30:17,024
Well-played.
428
00:30:18,692 --> 00:30:20,235
Five.
429
00:30:22,487 --> 00:30:24,489
I'll stay.
430
00:30:24,656 --> 00:30:27,326
I suggest you hit, sir.
431
00:30:29,745 --> 00:30:35,751
- I also like to live dangerously.
DEALER: As you wish, sir.
432
00:30:37,919 --> 00:30:41,757
Twenty beats your five. I'm sorry, sir.
433
00:30:41,923 --> 00:30:46,887
Well, I won't lie to you.
Cards are not my bag, baby.
434
00:30:47,262 --> 00:30:53,060
Allow myself to introduce...myself.
435
00:30:53,477 --> 00:30:58,732
My name is Richie Cunningham.
And this is my wife, Oprah.
436
00:31:00,567 --> 00:31:02,778
My name is Number Two.
437
00:31:02,944 --> 00:31:09,117
This is my Italian confidential secretary.
Her name is Alotta. Alotta Fagina.
438
00:31:10,577 --> 00:31:13,580
- Come again?
- Alotta Fagina.
439
00:31:13,747 --> 00:31:18,293
I'm sorry, I'm just not getting it. It sounded
like you said your name was a lot of, uh...
440
00:31:19,628 --> 00:31:21,505
Never mind.
441
00:31:23,507 --> 00:31:27,469
- What exactly do you do, Mr. Number Two?
- That's my business.
442
00:31:27,636 --> 00:31:28,804
Oh.
443
00:31:28,970 --> 00:31:32,474
Now if you'll excuse me,
I have to go to the little boys' room.
444
00:31:33,475 --> 00:31:35,519
You keep your eye on the Italian bird.
445
00:31:35,685 --> 00:31:38,230
- We'll rendezvous back at the hotel suite.
- Okay.
446
00:31:38,563 --> 00:31:40,607
WOMAN: Anything else?
MAN: No.
447
00:31:54,996 --> 00:31:59,000
You didn't happen to see anything at all?
448
00:32:00,460 --> 00:32:02,170
[WHISPERS]
Sorry.
449
00:32:14,099 --> 00:32:15,183
ATTENDANT:
Ow!
450
00:32:15,350 --> 00:32:17,018
Howdy.
451
00:32:19,688 --> 00:32:21,690
[COUGHING]
452
00:32:21,857 --> 00:32:23,275
Whoo!
453
00:32:23,442 --> 00:32:25,694
That is one crazy getup
you got there, fella.
454
00:32:25,861 --> 00:32:27,112
Oh, thank you.
455
00:32:27,279 --> 00:32:30,991
- Are you in the show?
- Uh, no, actually. I'm English.
456
00:32:31,158 --> 00:32:35,537
- Ooh. I'm sorry.
- Right.
457
00:32:45,046 --> 00:32:50,051
- Hey, partner. Have a good one.
- Ah. Okay.
458
00:32:50,218 --> 00:32:52,095
[SIGHS]
459
00:33:00,228 --> 00:33:02,481
[CHARMS JINGLING]
460
00:33:03,565 --> 00:33:05,150
[GRUNTING]
461
00:33:12,741 --> 00:33:14,951
Hey, partner. Come on,
you gotta relax. Don't force it.
462
00:33:15,118 --> 00:33:17,579
Gonna blow out your O-ring, drop a lung.
463
00:33:17,746 --> 00:33:19,831
[GRUNTING]
464
00:33:22,167 --> 00:33:23,710
[WHISTLING]
465
00:33:23,877 --> 00:33:26,296
[AUSTIN GRUNTING]
466
00:33:26,463 --> 00:33:27,923
[PATTY GRUNTS]
467
00:33:30,884 --> 00:33:35,597
Who does Number Two work for?
468
00:33:36,473 --> 00:33:40,101
Who does Number Two work for?
469
00:33:40,268 --> 00:33:42,604
That's right, buddy.
You show that turd who's boss.
470
00:33:42,771 --> 00:33:45,357
[PATTY GURGLING]
471
00:33:45,524 --> 00:33:49,194
Hey. Hey, just grab a hold of something,
bite your lip and give it hell.
472
00:33:49,361 --> 00:33:52,405
Come on, we're gonna get through this.
473
00:33:52,572 --> 00:33:54,282
[PATTY GURGLING]
474
00:33:54,449 --> 00:33:56,535
[AUSTIN GRUNTING]
475
00:33:56,701 --> 00:34:00,121
Hey, that sounds pretty nasty.
How about a courtesy flush over there?
476
00:34:00,288 --> 00:34:02,582
[TOILET FLUSHES]
477
00:34:09,089 --> 00:34:13,468
Jesus Christ, boy. What did you eat?
478
00:34:13,635 --> 00:34:16,763
[BAND PLAYING PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC]
479
00:34:23,979 --> 00:34:27,732
DR. EVIL:
Gentlemen, the warhead is ours.
480
00:34:28,275 --> 00:34:32,571
Patch me through to the United Nations
Security Secret Meeting Room.
481
00:34:33,989 --> 00:34:37,158
Gentlemen, my name is Dr. Evil.
482
00:34:37,325 --> 00:34:41,997
In a little while, you'll notice that the
Kreplachistani warhead has gone missing.
483
00:34:42,163 --> 00:34:47,210
If you want it back,
you're going to have to pay me...
484
00:34:47,377 --> 00:34:49,921
...$1 million.
485
00:34:50,088 --> 00:34:52,173
[ALL LAUGHING]
486
00:34:52,340 --> 00:34:54,050
[NUMBER TWO CLEARS THROAT]
487
00:34:56,845 --> 00:34:58,013
Sorry.
488
00:34:59,347 --> 00:35:02,392
One hundred billion dollars.
489
00:35:02,559 --> 00:35:05,270
Gentlemen, silence.
490
00:35:05,437 --> 00:35:09,149
- Now, Mr. Evil...
- Dr. Evil.
491
00:35:09,316 --> 00:35:11,568
I didn't spend
six years in evil medical school...
492
00:35:11,735 --> 00:35:14,154
...to be called mister,
thank you very much.
493
00:35:14,321 --> 00:35:19,492
It is the policy of the United Nations
not to negotiate with terrorists.
494
00:35:19,659 --> 00:35:24,331
Really? So long.
495
00:35:26,499 --> 00:35:29,044
[ALL SHOUTING]
496
00:35:30,545 --> 00:35:33,256
Gentlemen, in exactly five days...
497
00:35:33,423 --> 00:35:37,469
...we will be $100 billion richer.
498
00:35:37,636 --> 00:35:39,971
[LAUGHING]
499
00:35:41,056 --> 00:35:43,725
[ALL LAUGHING]
500
00:36:06,456 --> 00:36:08,041
- Ooh-hoo. Heh.
- Ha,ha.
501
00:36:08,208 --> 00:36:09,751
[CHUCKLES]
502
00:36:13,797 --> 00:36:15,298
VANESSA [ON PHONE]:
Hello? Mummy?
503
00:36:15,465 --> 00:36:20,637
- Oh, hello, Vanessa. And how's Austin?
- He's asleep.
504
00:36:20,804 --> 00:36:24,891
- You didn't.
- No. I made him sleep on the sofa.
505
00:36:25,058 --> 00:36:29,688
- Vanessa, I'm proud of you.
- Why?
506
00:36:29,854 --> 00:36:34,192
Because you've managed to resist
Austin Powers' charms.
507
00:36:34,359 --> 00:36:36,778
Ha, ha. God knows he tried, Mummy.
508
00:36:36,945 --> 00:36:39,239
I actually had to end up being
rather firm with him.
509
00:36:39,406 --> 00:36:42,200
What about his teeth? It's really bizarre.
510
00:36:42,367 --> 00:36:47,122
Darling, you have to understand,
in Britain in the '60s...
511
00:36:47,288 --> 00:36:51,376
...you could be a sex symbol
and still have bad teeth. It didn't matter.
512
00:36:51,543 --> 00:36:52,836
Did you ever...?
513
00:36:53,002 --> 00:36:57,465
Me? No, of course not.
I was married to your father.
514
00:36:57,632 --> 00:37:04,431
- Did you ever want to?
- Austin is very charming, very debonair.
515
00:37:04,597 --> 00:37:08,893
He's handsome, witty,
has a knowledge of fine wines.
516
00:37:09,561 --> 00:37:12,647
Women want him
and men want to be him.
517
00:37:12,814 --> 00:37:16,401
Every bit
an international man of mystery.
518
00:37:16,568 --> 00:37:18,820
Yeah, you didn't answer my question,
Mummy.
519
00:37:18,987 --> 00:37:20,739
I know.
520
00:37:21,406 --> 00:37:23,491
Let me just say this.
521
00:37:23,658 --> 00:37:29,122
Austin was the most loyal
and caring friend I ever had.
522
00:37:29,289 --> 00:37:31,583
I will always love him.
523
00:37:32,709 --> 00:37:34,461
[AUSTIN GRUNTS]
524
00:37:34,627 --> 00:37:37,797
- Do you wanna speak to him?
- No, it's been too long.
525
00:37:37,964 --> 00:37:40,842
Okay, well, I'm gonna have to go, Mummy.
But I love you.
526
00:37:41,009 --> 00:37:42,051
Ciao, darling.
527
00:37:48,099 --> 00:37:52,812
VANESSA: A limo's just pulled up.
- Let me see.
528
00:37:54,397 --> 00:37:56,024
That's Dr. Evil's cat.
529
00:37:56,191 --> 00:38:00,612
VANESSA: How can you tell?
- I never forget a pussy...cat.
530
00:38:02,781 --> 00:38:05,533
VANESSA:
Oh, no. He's gone away.
531
00:38:07,869 --> 00:38:11,831
My God, Vanessa.
You are so incredibly beautiful.
532
00:38:13,082 --> 00:38:14,667
- Oh.
- That's it.
533
00:38:14,834 --> 00:38:18,046
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Come on, darling.
534
00:38:18,213 --> 00:38:21,299
I'm gonna take you out
for a night on the town.
535
00:38:21,466 --> 00:38:24,719
[PIANO PLAYING "WHAT THE WORLD
NEEDS NOW IS LOVE"]
536
00:38:32,018 --> 00:38:34,729
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Burt Bacharach.
537
00:38:34,896 --> 00:38:38,900
[SINGING "WHAT THE WORLD
NEEDS NOW IS LOVE"]
538
00:39:38,209 --> 00:39:39,836
AUSTIN: Oh, yeah.
VANESSA: Get on with it.
539
00:39:40,003 --> 00:39:43,423
AUSTIN: I'm gonna do it. Do you want me?
VANESSA: Unh! Oh, go on.
540
00:39:43,590 --> 00:39:46,134
- Do you want me to do it? Okay.
- Yes, go on.
541
00:39:46,301 --> 00:39:47,302
[VANESSA GRUNTS]
542
00:39:47,468 --> 00:39:51,431
AUSTIN: Right hand, green. Oh, no!
VANESSA: Ow! Aah!
543
00:39:53,099 --> 00:39:55,894
- Ha-ha-ha!
- You all right? You all right?
544
00:39:56,060 --> 00:40:00,315
Oh, you know what?
Wait a tick, I forgot something in the lobby.
545
00:40:01,149 --> 00:40:04,193
Why don't I take the stairs?
546
00:40:05,653 --> 00:40:07,322
[LAUGHING]
547
00:40:07,488 --> 00:40:11,618
Why take the stairs
when I could take the escalator?
548
00:40:13,244 --> 00:40:16,039
[LAUGHING]
549
00:40:16,956 --> 00:40:20,501
Why take the escalator
when I've got a perfectly good canoe?
550
00:40:20,835 --> 00:40:23,421
[VANESSA LAUGHING]
551
00:40:23,588 --> 00:40:26,925
I know what. I'll take the elevator.
552
00:40:28,009 --> 00:40:30,678
[VANESSA LAUGHING]
553
00:40:30,845 --> 00:40:33,473
- Austin.
- Yes.
554
00:40:34,015 --> 00:40:37,477
- Come and have some champagne with me.
- Okay.
555
00:40:37,852 --> 00:40:39,938
- Oh, I tripped. Unh.
- Ha, ha!
556
00:40:40,104 --> 00:40:42,690
You know, I haven't had this much fun
since college.
557
00:40:42,857 --> 00:40:44,609
Well, I'm sorry.
558
00:40:44,776 --> 00:40:48,529
- Why?
- I'm sorry that bug up your ass had to die.
559
00:40:48,696 --> 00:40:51,491
[BOTH LAUGHING]
560
00:40:52,116 --> 00:40:55,328
Always wanting to have fun, Austin.
That's you in a nutshell.
561
00:40:55,495 --> 00:40:56,829
No, this is me in a nutshell.
562
00:40:56,996 --> 00:41:00,583
Help. I'm in a nutshell.
How did I get into this nutshell?
563
00:41:00,750 --> 00:41:03,044
Look at the size of this
bloody, great, big nutshell.
564
00:41:03,211 --> 00:41:07,966
What sort of shell has a nut like this?
I mean, this is crazy.
565
00:41:08,132 --> 00:41:11,052
- Yes. Look at you.
- Ha!
566
00:41:11,219 --> 00:41:12,720
- You're smashed.
- No, I'm not.
567
00:41:12,887 --> 00:41:15,139
- Yes, you are.
- No, I'm not. I'm the sensible one.
568
00:41:15,306 --> 00:41:18,059
I'm always the designated driver.
569
00:41:21,396 --> 00:41:22,855
- Kiss me.
- I can't, darling.
570
00:41:23,022 --> 00:41:25,233
- Why not?
- Because you're drunk. It's not right.
571
00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:27,068
No, I'm not drunk. I'm beginning to see...
572
00:41:27,235 --> 00:41:29,862
...what my mummy was talking about
all those years ago.
573
00:41:30,029 --> 00:41:31,072
I can't.
574
00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:33,366
[SIGHS]
575
00:41:33,533 --> 00:41:35,910
All right, well, tell me
all about my mummy in the '60s.
576
00:41:36,077 --> 00:41:38,413
I'm dying to know what she was like.
577
00:41:39,288 --> 00:41:42,041
She was very groovy.
578
00:41:44,419 --> 00:41:46,963
Your dad loved her very much.
579
00:41:49,382 --> 00:41:52,260
If there was one other cat in this world
that could've loved her...
580
00:41:52,427 --> 00:41:57,015
...and treated her as well as your dad,
well, it was me.
581
00:41:58,224 --> 00:42:02,729
But unfortunately for yours truly...
582
00:42:05,398 --> 00:42:07,817
...that train has sailed.
583
00:42:09,402 --> 00:42:11,404
[VANESSA SNORING]
584
00:42:11,571 --> 00:42:15,783
Vanessa? Vanessa? Hello?
585
00:42:16,492 --> 00:42:20,163
- Come on. Roll over. Sleepy time.
- Oh...
586
00:42:21,039 --> 00:42:23,624
[COMMUNICATOR RINGING]
587
00:42:24,417 --> 00:42:26,586
[WHISPERS]
Okay, Austin needs his hand back.
588
00:42:32,383 --> 00:42:34,302
[MODEM DIALING]
589
00:42:34,844 --> 00:42:36,846
COMPUTER:
You've got mail.
590
00:42:37,013 --> 00:42:41,309
Hello, Austin, this is Basil Exposition
from British Intelligence.
591
00:42:41,476 --> 00:42:44,979
Now, I want you to find out
what part Virtucon plays...
592
00:42:45,146 --> 00:42:47,982
...in something called Project Vulcan.
593
00:42:48,149 --> 00:42:52,153
I'll need you to go
to Alotta Fagina's penthouse immediately.
594
00:43:05,875 --> 00:43:08,628
[AUSTIN GRUNTS]
595
00:43:19,555 --> 00:43:21,516
AUSTIN:
Hello, hello.
596
00:43:22,183 --> 00:43:23,518
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]
597
00:43:23,684 --> 00:43:27,647
Smashing. Love it. Okay. Yes, yes.
Okay, great.
598
00:43:27,814 --> 00:43:30,149
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]
599
00:43:31,776 --> 00:43:37,365
Project Vulcan.
Yeah, okay. Cheeky, huh? Yeah.
600
00:43:37,532 --> 00:43:40,368
Come on, baby. Give it to me.
Yes. Yes. Yes. No! No!
601
00:43:40,535 --> 00:43:41,619
[DOOR OPENS]
602
00:43:41,786 --> 00:43:43,037
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
603
00:43:49,168 --> 00:43:52,839
You seem surprised to see me,
Miss Fagina.
604
00:43:53,297 --> 00:43:57,552
What do you want,
Mr. Cunningham, was it?
605
00:43:57,718 --> 00:44:00,388
Your boss, Number Two.
606
00:44:01,055 --> 00:44:05,685
I understand that cat's involved
in big underground drills.
607
00:44:06,102 --> 00:44:07,395
How did you know?
608
00:44:07,979 --> 00:44:11,774
I didn't, baby. You just told me.
609
00:44:11,941 --> 00:44:14,485
We can talk about business later.
610
00:44:14,652 --> 00:44:17,238
Let me slip into
something more comfortable.
611
00:44:17,405 --> 00:44:20,241
Oh, behave.
612
00:44:24,912 --> 00:44:26,205
Oh.
613
00:44:30,376 --> 00:44:32,086
Good God.
614
00:44:41,554 --> 00:44:43,764
[PANTING]
615
00:44:50,104 --> 00:44:51,522
[MOUTHS]
Me?
616
00:45:09,165 --> 00:45:14,086
Come in and I'll show you
everything you need to know.
617
00:45:36,943 --> 00:45:38,945
AUSTIN:
Come on. Unh!
618
00:45:42,406 --> 00:45:43,950
[SIGHS]
619
00:45:45,326 --> 00:45:50,831
- May I wash you?
- Oh, groovy, baby. Yeah.
620
00:45:50,998 --> 00:45:52,500
[CHUCKLES]
621
00:46:00,508 --> 00:46:04,762
Mm, yes. That feels yummy.
622
00:46:04,929 --> 00:46:07,098
[AUSTIN CHUCKLES]
623
00:46:07,265 --> 00:46:09,809
AUSTIN:
Mm...
624
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:17,525
In Japan, men come first
and women come second.
625
00:46:17,692 --> 00:46:19,360
Or sometimes not at all.
626
00:46:19,527 --> 00:46:21,946
[LAUGHING]
627
00:46:23,322 --> 00:46:27,326
- Care for some sake?
- Sake it to me, baby.
628
00:46:27,493 --> 00:46:29,370
RAUGHS]
629
00:46:31,289 --> 00:46:35,835
Yes. Kinky. Clinky. Ha, ha.
630
00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:41,924
[PANTS THEN LAUGHS]
631
00:46:42,091 --> 00:46:44,677
Ooh. Ooh.
632
00:46:45,052 --> 00:46:47,388
How do you feel, Mr. Cunningham?
633
00:46:47,555 --> 00:46:52,893
Mm. I feel extreme relaxation.
634
00:46:54,353 --> 00:46:56,564
Oh.
635
00:46:57,315 --> 00:47:00,109
How dare you break wind before me.
636
00:47:00,276 --> 00:47:02,320
I'm sorry, baby.
I didn't know it was your turn.
637
00:47:02,486 --> 00:47:04,488
[LAUGHING]
638
00:47:06,907 --> 00:47:09,410
Pardon me for being rude
It was not me, it was my food
639
00:47:09,577 --> 00:47:14,040
It just popped up to say hello
And now it's gone back down below
640
00:47:14,206 --> 00:47:16,834
- That's beautiful. Thank you.
- Ah.
641
00:47:18,627 --> 00:47:24,550
Let's make love,
you silly, hairy little man.
642
00:47:24,717 --> 00:47:26,635
I say. Hello, vicar.
643
00:47:26,802 --> 00:47:28,721
[LAUGHING]
644
00:47:30,348 --> 00:47:33,517
Oh, there. That's the spot, all right.
That's the spot right there.
645
00:47:33,684 --> 00:47:35,561
Look at that now. Ha, ha. Good God.
646
00:47:35,728 --> 00:47:38,606
[BAND PLAYING PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC]
647
00:47:40,858 --> 00:47:45,404
Austin Powers is getting too close.
Any suggestions?
648
00:47:45,571 --> 00:47:47,323
[SPEAKING IN GERMAN]
649
00:47:47,490 --> 00:47:52,620
I have created the ultimate weapon
to defeat Austin Powers.
650
00:47:53,829 --> 00:47:56,248
Bring in the Fembots!
651
00:48:10,930 --> 00:48:13,474
Go, Fembots!
652
00:48:15,643 --> 00:48:19,772
These are the latest word
in android-replicant technology.
653
00:48:19,939 --> 00:48:26,654
Lethal, efficient, brutal.
No man can resist their charm.
654
00:48:26,821 --> 00:48:29,532
Send in the guards!
655
00:48:32,993 --> 00:48:36,247
Kill these women.
656
00:48:42,128 --> 00:48:44,797
[GUARD MUTTERING]
657
00:48:47,007 --> 00:48:48,259
[MR. BIGGLESWORTH YOWLS]
658
00:48:49,844 --> 00:48:51,846
[GUARDS GRUNTING]
659
00:48:56,350 --> 00:48:59,353
[EXHALES]
660
00:48:59,854 --> 00:49:04,358
DR. EVIL: Quite impressive.
- Thank you, Herr Doctor.
661
00:49:04,525 --> 00:49:08,821
I like to see girls of that "caliber."
662
00:49:12,908 --> 00:49:16,871
By caliber, of course I mean
both the size of their gun barrels...
663
00:49:17,037 --> 00:49:23,461
...and the high quality of their characters.
Two meanings, caliber. It's a homonym.
664
00:49:26,213 --> 00:49:28,090
Forget it.
665
00:49:31,385 --> 00:49:33,387
VANESSA:
At ease, boys.
666
00:49:35,473 --> 00:49:40,394
Austin, I want to show you something.
We're going to outfit you with this.
667
00:49:40,561 --> 00:49:45,524
It looks like a watch, but in fact
it's a geosynchronous positioning device.
668
00:49:45,691 --> 00:49:47,651
Very shagadelic.
669
00:49:47,818 --> 00:49:51,238
- And then there's this.
- Okay, let me guess.
670
00:49:51,405 --> 00:49:55,868
The floss is garrote wire,
the toothpaste is plastic explosives...
671
00:49:56,035 --> 00:49:59,413
...and the toothbrush
is the detonation device.
672
00:49:59,580 --> 00:50:01,165
VANESSA:
No, actually.
673
00:50:01,332 --> 00:50:05,711
Since you've been frozen, there have been
fabulous advances in the field of dentistry.
674
00:50:06,629 --> 00:50:08,130
What do you mean?
675
00:50:08,297 --> 00:50:09,715
VANESSA:
Nothing.
676
00:50:09,882 --> 00:50:11,592
Oh, look, here's Basil.
677
00:50:11,759 --> 00:50:13,344
- Hello, Exposition.
- Austin.
678
00:50:13,886 --> 00:50:15,721
Let me bring you up to speed.
679
00:50:15,888 --> 00:50:19,892
Dr. Evil has hijacked
a nuclear warhead from Kreplachistan.
680
00:50:20,059 --> 00:50:22,102
Only two things scare me...
681
00:50:22,269 --> 00:50:24,271
...and one is nuclear war.
682
00:50:24,813 --> 00:50:26,524
- What's the other?
- Excuse me?
683
00:50:26,732 --> 00:50:28,984
What's the other thing that scares you?
684
00:50:29,151 --> 00:50:31,612
- Carnies.
- What?
685
00:50:31,779 --> 00:50:34,573
Circus folk. Nomads, you know.
686
00:50:34,740 --> 00:50:36,492
They smell like cabbage.
687
00:50:36,659 --> 00:50:38,035
Small hands.
688
00:50:38,202 --> 00:50:41,705
- Oh. Indeed.
- Perhaps these photographs...
689
00:50:41,872 --> 00:50:44,208
-...are the last piece of the puzzle.
- Aha.
690
00:50:44,375 --> 00:50:46,794
I've uncovered the details
of Project Vulcan.
691
00:50:46,961 --> 00:50:49,505
BASIL:
Oh, good God, an underground missile?
692
00:50:49,713 --> 00:50:51,632
Austin, where did you find these?
693
00:50:51,799 --> 00:50:55,636
Austin did some reconnaissance work
last night at Alotta Fagina's penthouse.
694
00:50:55,803 --> 00:50:57,054
Oh.
695
00:50:57,221 --> 00:51:00,766
- Our next move is to infiltrate Virtucon.
-[MOUTHS] What?
696
00:51:00,933 --> 00:51:02,560
Any ideas?
697
00:51:03,310 --> 00:51:04,478
Oh, yes.
698
00:51:04,645 --> 00:51:07,565
Virtucon runs a tour
of its facility every hour.
699
00:51:07,731 --> 00:51:10,192
I thought perhaps we could
disguise ourselves as tourists...
700
00:51:10,359 --> 00:51:13,070
...and do some on-site reconnaissance.
701
00:51:13,237 --> 00:51:14,947
BASIL:
Top-drawer, Kensington.
702
00:51:15,114 --> 00:51:18,659
Oh, uh, Austin, I'd like you
to meet somebody.
703
00:51:18,826 --> 00:51:21,620
This is my mother, Mrs. Exposition.
704
00:51:21,787 --> 00:51:23,289
MRS. EXPOSITION:
How do you do?
705
00:51:23,747 --> 00:51:26,166
- Aah! Oh!
VANESSA: Austin!
706
00:51:27,001 --> 00:51:28,586
BASIL:
My God, man, what have you done?
707
00:51:28,752 --> 00:51:31,505
That's not your mother, it's a man, baby!
708
00:51:31,672 --> 00:51:33,757
- Yeah, yeah, come off.
- No!
709
00:51:33,924 --> 00:51:36,343
- Why won't this wig come off?
- My head!
710
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:38,596
MRS. EXPOSITION: Help!
BASIL: Austin!
711
00:51:38,762 --> 00:51:42,850
- Yeah, hold on, hold on, one second.
- No, no, let go of my mother!
712
00:51:43,017 --> 00:51:45,352
Oh, mother. Mother, are you all right?
713
00:51:45,519 --> 00:51:47,521
- What?
- Austin, have you gone mad?
714
00:51:47,688 --> 00:51:49,064
No.
715
00:51:49,231 --> 00:51:51,317
You have a lot of explaining to do.
716
00:51:51,483 --> 00:51:54,111
I'm sorry, Basil,
I thought she was a man.
717
00:51:54,278 --> 00:51:56,864
Damn it, man!
You're talking about my mother!
718
00:51:57,031 --> 00:51:59,491
- You have to admit, she is rather mannish.
- Austin.
719
00:51:59,658 --> 00:52:02,036
Well, no offense,
but if that is a woman...
720
00:52:02,202 --> 00:52:04,955
...it does look like she was beaten
with an ugly stick.
721
00:52:05,122 --> 00:52:07,124
BASIL: What?
- Really, Austin.
722
00:52:07,291 --> 00:52:09,752
[BAND PLAYING PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC]
723
00:52:13,130 --> 00:52:18,969
Okay, give in to the beauty of your feelings
and say the words. Come on.
724
00:52:19,970 --> 00:52:22,556
I love you, Dad.
725
00:52:22,723 --> 00:52:25,893
I love you too son.
726
00:52:26,060 --> 00:52:28,520
That's a breakthrough. Breakthrough.
727
00:52:28,687 --> 00:52:30,189
[MEN CHATTERING]
728
00:52:30,356 --> 00:52:33,942
Okay, group, we have some
newcomers here today with us.
729
00:52:34,109 --> 00:52:38,072
Say hello to Scott and his father, Mr...
730
00:52:38,238 --> 00:52:42,201
-"Avil"?
- Evil, actually.
731
00:52:43,952 --> 00:52:46,872
Dr. Evil.
732
00:52:47,247 --> 00:52:50,084
ALL:
Hello, Dr. Evil. Hello, Scott.
733
00:52:50,376 --> 00:52:52,002
Hello, everybody.
734
00:52:52,169 --> 00:52:54,171
So, Scott, why don't we start with you.
735
00:52:54,338 --> 00:52:56,715
What brings you here with us today?
736
00:52:57,758 --> 00:53:00,427
Well, I just really met my Dad
for the first time five days ago.
737
00:53:00,594 --> 00:53:03,180
I was partially frozen his whole life.
738
00:53:03,722 --> 00:53:07,267
That is beautiful
that you can admit to that.
739
00:53:07,518 --> 00:53:10,854
He comes back and now he wants me
to take over the family business.
740
00:53:11,021 --> 00:53:14,358
But Scott, who's gonna take over
the world when I die?
741
00:53:14,525 --> 00:53:18,737
Listen to the words he used: "Who's going
to take over the world when I die?"
742
00:53:19,446 --> 00:53:22,700
It feels like that to some of us
sometimes, doesn't it?
743
00:53:22,866 --> 00:53:26,245
So, what do you want to do, Scott?
744
00:53:26,662 --> 00:53:29,748
I don't know.
I was thinking I like animals...
745
00:53:29,915 --> 00:53:32,459
-...maybe I'd be a vet.
- An evil vet?
746
00:53:32,626 --> 00:53:35,254
No. Maybe, like, work in a petting zoo.
747
00:53:35,421 --> 00:53:37,214
An evil petting zoo?
748
00:53:37,381 --> 00:53:40,342
- You always do that!
- Wha--? I--
749
00:53:41,969 --> 00:53:45,889
I just think, like, he hates me.
I really think he wants to kill me.
750
00:53:46,056 --> 00:53:49,143
Now, Scott, we don't want to kill
each other in here...
751
00:53:49,309 --> 00:53:52,938
...we might say that we do sometimes,
but we really don't.
752
00:53:53,105 --> 00:53:54,440
[ALL CHUCKLE]
753
00:53:54,606 --> 00:53:57,401
Actually, the boy's quite astute.
I really am trying to kill him.
754
00:53:57,568 --> 00:53:59,653
But so far unsuccessfully.
755
00:53:59,820 --> 00:54:02,823
He's quite wily, like his old man.
756
00:54:04,908 --> 00:54:06,910
This is what I'm talking about.
757
00:54:07,077 --> 00:54:08,662
Okay, well...
758
00:54:08,829 --> 00:54:10,456
...we've heard from you, Scott...
759
00:54:10,622 --> 00:54:13,625
...now, uh, you tell us
a little about yourself.
760
00:54:13,792 --> 00:54:17,296
The details of my life
are quite inconsequential.
761
00:54:17,463 --> 00:54:20,507
Oh, no, please, please.
Let's hear about your childhood.
762
00:54:20,674 --> 00:54:22,092
MAN 1: Yeah.
MAN 2: Come on. Come on.
763
00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:24,553
- Come on. Come on.
MAN 3: Please.
764
00:54:25,471 --> 00:54:28,640
Very well, where do I begin?
765
00:54:29,099 --> 00:54:32,519
My father was a relentlessly
self-improving boulangerie owner...
766
00:54:32,686 --> 00:54:36,940
...from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy
and a penchant for buggery.
767
00:54:37,441 --> 00:54:39,860
My mother was a 15-year-old
French prostitute...
768
00:54:40,027 --> 00:54:42,654
...named Chloe with webbed feet.
769
00:54:42,821 --> 00:54:45,866
My father would womanize,
he would drink...
770
00:54:46,033 --> 00:54:50,204
...he would make outrageous claims,
like he invented the question mark.
771
00:54:50,370 --> 00:54:53,874
Sometimes he would accuse
chestnuts of being lazy.
772
00:54:54,374 --> 00:54:58,295
The sort of general malaise
that only the genius possess...
773
00:54:58,462 --> 00:55:01,048
...and the insane lament.
774
00:55:01,215 --> 00:55:03,467
My childhood was typical.
775
00:55:03,634 --> 00:55:07,054
Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons.
776
00:55:07,221 --> 00:55:09,973
In the spring we'd make meat helmets.
777
00:55:10,140 --> 00:55:14,353
When I was insolent, I was placed
in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds.
778
00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:17,022
Pretty standard, really.
779
00:55:17,189 --> 00:55:20,025
At the age of 12
I received my first scribe.
780
00:55:20,192 --> 00:55:22,861
At the age of 14,
a Zoroastrian named Vilma...
781
00:55:23,028 --> 00:55:26,281
...ritualistically shaved my testicles.
MEN: Ugh.
782
00:55:26,448 --> 00:55:29,409
There really is nothing
like a shorn scrotum.
783
00:55:29,576 --> 00:55:32,412
It's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.
784
00:55:32,579 --> 00:55:35,082
You know, we have to stop.
785
00:55:36,583 --> 00:55:39,253
VANESSA: Can I have a word with you?
AUSTIN: Of course you may, love.
786
00:55:42,047 --> 00:55:44,258
Look, I know I'm being neurotic...
787
00:55:44,424 --> 00:55:48,095
...but I can't shake off this suspicious
feeling about that Italian secretary...
788
00:55:48,262 --> 00:55:49,847
...you know, Ms. Fagina.
789
00:55:50,013 --> 00:55:52,391
I don't want to sound paranoid...
790
00:55:52,558 --> 00:55:55,227
...but I've had some bad relationships
in the past...
791
00:55:55,394 --> 00:55:58,355
...and I have been known to be jealous.
I'm sorry.
792
00:55:58,522 --> 00:56:00,566
No, don't be sorry, baby.
793
00:56:00,983 --> 00:56:02,985
You're right to be suspicious.
794
00:56:03,151 --> 00:56:05,445
- I shagged her.
- What?
795
00:56:05,612 --> 00:56:08,031
I shagged her rotten, baby, yeah.
796
00:56:08,782 --> 00:56:11,743
I don't believe you, Austin.
I mean, she was repellent.
797
00:56:12,119 --> 00:56:14,746
Saucer of milk, table two.
Rwar.
798
00:56:14,913 --> 00:56:17,040
- Well, did you use protection?
- Of course.
799
00:56:17,207 --> 00:56:19,126
I had my 9 mm automatic.
800
00:56:19,877 --> 00:56:22,379
You know I meant
did you use a condom?
801
00:56:22,546 --> 00:56:23,630
Ha-ha-ha! No.
802
00:56:23,797 --> 00:56:26,133
Only sailors use condoms, baby.
803
00:56:26,300 --> 00:56:27,759
Not in the '90s, Austin.
804
00:56:27,926 --> 00:56:31,513
Well, they should, those filthy beggars,
they go from port to port.
805
00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:33,974
Well, Vanessa, don't have a thrombo.
806
00:56:34,141 --> 00:56:38,270
- Alotta meant nothing to me.
- Well, it means something to me.
807
00:56:38,437 --> 00:56:40,314
If you want us to have a relationship...
808
00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:43,317
...you have to get it into your head
that times have changed.
809
00:56:43,483 --> 00:56:45,903
You can't just go off
shagging anybody anymore.
810
00:56:46,069 --> 00:56:49,615
And if you could,
I wouldn't because I'm not like that.
811
00:56:49,781 --> 00:56:51,491
Vanessa.
812
00:56:53,410 --> 00:56:54,953
You're everything to me.
813
00:56:55,329 --> 00:56:57,247
You just don't get it, do you?
814
00:56:59,499 --> 00:57:01,126
Good night, Austin.
815
00:57:01,293 --> 00:57:03,337
Welcome to the '90s...
816
00:57:03,503 --> 00:57:05,631
...you're gonna be very lonely.
817
00:57:27,361 --> 00:57:29,196
Hey. Hey, check this guy out.
818
00:57:30,322 --> 00:57:32,866
-[MOUTHS] Peace.
- Peace.Peace.
819
00:57:33,033 --> 00:57:34,284
[ALL LAUGHING]
820
00:57:39,206 --> 00:57:42,167
AUSTIN:
Jimi Hendrix, deceased.
821
00:57:42,334 --> 00:57:44,169
Drugs.
822
00:57:44,336 --> 00:57:46,546
Janis Joplin...
823
00:57:46,713 --> 00:57:48,382
...deceased, alcohol.
824
00:57:48,674 --> 00:57:51,385
Mama Cass, deceased...
825
00:57:51,551 --> 00:57:54,429
...ham sandwich.
826
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:05,899
[LOUD SCRATCHING]
827
00:58:11,655 --> 00:58:13,907
[SQUEAKING]
828
00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:22,958
MAN 1 [ON TV]: Oh, jeez, that's great.
ls the lighting halfway decent?
829
00:58:23,125 --> 00:58:26,878
MAN 2: Yes, indeed. They've got the flag
up now. You can see the stars and stripes.
830
00:58:27,045 --> 00:58:28,797
MAN 1 : Beautiful, just beautiful.
831
00:58:28,964 --> 00:58:31,508
[CROWD SHOUTING ON TV]
832
00:58:31,675 --> 00:58:32,968
[DOOR CLOSES]
833
00:58:33,719 --> 00:58:35,429
VANESSA:
Good morning, Austin.
834
00:58:37,097 --> 00:58:40,809
You know, I sometimes forget
you've missed out on the last 3O years.
835
00:58:41,560 --> 00:58:43,228
The fall of the Berlin Wall...
836
00:58:43,395 --> 00:58:45,772
...the first female British prime minister...
837
00:58:45,939 --> 00:58:47,357
...end of apartheid.
838
00:58:47,524 --> 00:58:50,736
Yeah, and I can't believe
Liberace was gay.
839
00:58:50,902 --> 00:58:55,073
I mean, women loved him.
I didn't see that one coming, no.
840
00:58:55,866 --> 00:58:58,910
GUIDE: The tour is about to begin.
So if you please take your seats.
841
00:58:59,661 --> 00:59:02,456
Welcome to Virtucon,
the company of the future.
842
00:59:02,789 --> 00:59:05,292
Virtucon is a leading manufacturer
of many items...
843
00:59:05,459 --> 00:59:07,294
...you can find right in your very own home.
844
00:59:07,461 --> 00:59:09,421
Do you think she's prettier than me?
845
00:59:09,588 --> 00:59:11,840
- Who?
- You know who.
846
00:59:12,007 --> 00:59:13,675
Oh, the Italian bird.
847
00:59:13,842 --> 00:59:16,303
No, baby, she's rancid.
848
00:59:16,470 --> 00:59:20,807
I think you're shagadelic, baby.
You're switched-on. You're smashing.
849
00:59:20,974 --> 00:59:25,145
We make steel, petroleum products
and volatile chemicals.
850
00:59:25,312 --> 00:59:28,482
But don't worry
about the Italian bird, okay?
851
00:59:28,648 --> 00:59:31,985
She's the village bicycle,
everyone's had a ride.
852
00:59:32,152 --> 00:59:33,653
GUIDE:
You're using a Virtucon product.
853
00:59:33,820 --> 00:59:38,241
On your right, you'll notice a door
leading to a restricted area.
854
00:59:38,408 --> 00:59:41,745
- Only authorized personnel are allowed.
AUSTIN: I'll take him.
855
00:59:42,245 --> 00:59:44,164
You take her.
856
00:59:58,845 --> 01:00:00,347
AUSTIN:
Let's go.
857
01:00:00,514 --> 01:00:03,016
It's Bolton. We've got a problem.
858
01:00:03,183 --> 01:00:04,768
[ALARM RINGING]
859
01:00:04,935 --> 01:00:06,561
MAN [ON PA]: Intruders in the compound.
860
01:00:06,728 --> 01:00:08,438
AUSTIN:
Aah! Watch out!
861
01:00:08,605 --> 01:00:09,689
[GUARDS SHOUTING]
862
01:00:09,856 --> 01:00:11,566
GUARD:
Security, this way. Where did he go?
863
01:00:11,733 --> 01:00:13,443
AUSTIN: Judo chop.
- Ooh!
864
01:00:13,610 --> 01:00:14,986
[GUNSHOT]
865
01:00:16,446 --> 01:00:17,531
VANESSA:
They're coming.
866
01:00:17,697 --> 01:00:19,574
AUSTIN: Hang on, I'm gonna floor it.
GUARD: Hey!
867
01:00:19,741 --> 01:00:22,661
Watch out. Move! Move! Move!
868
01:00:24,996 --> 01:00:26,206
Careful, Austin.
869
01:00:26,706 --> 01:00:28,458
No!
870
01:00:31,128 --> 01:00:33,713
- Watch out.
GUARD: No!
871
01:00:35,382 --> 01:00:38,426
- Watch out.
- No!
872
01:00:38,593 --> 01:00:40,512
[SQUISHING]
873
01:00:40,679 --> 01:00:42,556
- Oh.
- Ew. Oh.
874
01:00:42,722 --> 01:00:44,474
Let's go. Come on, let's go.
875
01:00:44,641 --> 01:00:47,018
[BOTH PANTING]
876
01:00:47,811 --> 01:00:49,604
Oh, thank goodness we made it, Austin.
877
01:00:49,771 --> 01:00:53,150
- All right, stay very cool, baby.
- Okay.
878
01:00:53,316 --> 01:00:54,818
[BOTH GRUNT]
879
01:01:03,994 --> 01:01:07,080
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY
OVER PA]
880
01:01:16,882 --> 01:01:18,675
DR. EVIL:
Mr. Powers.
881
01:01:19,342 --> 01:01:21,678
Welcome to my underground lair.
882
01:01:22,262 --> 01:01:23,847
You're just in time.
883
01:01:24,014 --> 01:01:25,849
Enjoy the show.
884
01:01:32,147 --> 01:01:36,026
Gentlemen, I give you the Vulcan.
885
01:01:36,193 --> 01:01:39,779
The world's most powerful
subterranean drill.
886
01:01:39,946 --> 01:01:43,283
- Does that make you horny?
- Not now, Austin.
887
01:01:43,533 --> 01:01:46,286
So powerful it can penetrate
the Earth's crust...
888
01:01:46,453 --> 01:01:48,788
...delivering a 50 kiloton
nuclear warhead...
889
01:01:48,955 --> 01:01:51,416
...deep into the liquid hot core
of the planet.
890
01:01:51,583 --> 01:01:55,212
Upon detonation, every volcano
on Earth...
891
01:01:55,378 --> 01:01:57,130
...will erupt.
892
01:01:57,297 --> 01:01:59,633
[WORLD LEADERS GASP, THEN CHATTER]
893
01:01:59,799 --> 01:02:03,511
It seems we have no choice
but to pay your ransom.
894
01:02:03,678 --> 01:02:05,513
You have my instructions. Bye-bye.
895
01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:08,558
[REMOTE CONTROL BEEPING]
896
01:02:08,892 --> 01:02:11,394
Check it out, Butt-Head,
this chick has three boobs.
897
01:02:11,561 --> 01:02:13,313
[BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD LAUGHING]
898
01:02:13,480 --> 01:02:14,898
How many butts does she have?
899
01:02:15,065 --> 01:02:16,149
[WORLD LEADERS CHATTERING]
900
01:02:16,316 --> 01:02:17,442
[REMOTE CONTROL BEEPS]
901
01:02:18,276 --> 01:02:20,570
[LAUGHING]
902
01:02:22,489 --> 01:02:26,243
DR. EVIL: Do you like your
quasi-futuristic clothes, Mr. Powers?
903
01:02:26,409 --> 01:02:28,745
I designed them myself.
904
01:02:39,714 --> 01:02:41,007
[DOOR OPENS]
905
01:02:41,174 --> 01:02:42,259
Ow.
906
01:02:42,425 --> 01:02:43,510
[DOOR CLOSES]
907
01:02:43,843 --> 01:02:47,097
Scott. Scott, my boy, how are you?
908
01:02:47,264 --> 01:02:48,348
How was your day?
909
01:02:48,515 --> 01:02:50,934
Well, my friend Sweet Jay
took me to that video arcade...
910
01:02:51,101 --> 01:02:53,895
...and they don't speak English,
so Jay got into a fight...
911
01:02:54,062 --> 01:02:57,190
...and he's all, "Quit hassling me
because I don't speak French."
912
01:02:57,357 --> 01:03:00,777
And the guy says something in Paris talk
and I'm like, "Just back off."
913
01:03:00,944 --> 01:03:03,822
And they're all, "Get out."
And we're like, "Make me."
914
01:03:03,989 --> 01:03:06,116
It was cool.
915
01:03:06,283 --> 01:03:07,534
Fascinating.
916
01:03:07,701 --> 01:03:09,703
What are your plans for this evening?
917
01:03:09,869 --> 01:03:12,872
I thought I'd stay in. There's a good
titty movie on Skinemax.
918
01:03:13,039 --> 01:03:16,209
And that's how you'd like
to live your life, is it?
919
01:03:16,376 --> 01:03:17,544
Yeah.
920
01:03:18,837 --> 01:03:21,464
- Pretty much. Yeah, okay.
SCOTT: What?
921
01:03:23,800 --> 01:03:25,051
Ow.
922
01:03:27,804 --> 01:03:28,888
Scott...
923
01:03:29,055 --> 01:03:34,185
...I want you to meet Daddy's nemesis,
Austin Powers.
924
01:03:34,894 --> 01:03:37,856
What are you, feeding him?
Why don't you just kill him?
925
01:03:38,023 --> 01:03:40,859
No, Scott. I have an even better idea.
926
01:03:41,026 --> 01:03:43,737
I'm going to place him
in an easily-escapable situation...
927
01:03:43,903 --> 01:03:47,407
...involving an overly-elaborate
and exotic death.
928
01:03:48,366 --> 01:03:50,076
SCOTT:
Why don't you just shoot him now?
929
01:03:50,243 --> 01:03:52,829
I mean, I'll go get a gun.
We'll shoot him together. It'll be fun:
930
01:03:52,996 --> 01:03:54,748
Bang! Dead. Done.
931
01:03:54,914 --> 01:03:59,711
One more peep out of you and you
are grounded, mister, and I am not joking.
932
01:04:02,005 --> 01:04:03,423
All right, let's begin.
933
01:04:04,090 --> 01:04:07,844
Dr. Evil, do you really
expect them to pay?
934
01:04:08,053 --> 01:04:10,680
No, Mr. Powers...
935
01:04:10,847 --> 01:04:14,225
...I expect them to die.
936
01:04:14,934 --> 01:04:16,603
Even after they pay me the money...
937
01:04:16,770 --> 01:04:21,608
...I'm still gonna melt every city
on the planet with liquid-hot magma.
938
01:04:23,526 --> 01:04:25,236
Release the sharks.
939
01:04:25,403 --> 01:04:27,697
Mr. Powers, you'll notice
that all the sharks...
940
01:04:27,864 --> 01:04:29,949
...have laser beams
attached to their heads.
941
01:04:30,116 --> 01:04:34,079
I figure every creature
deserves a warm meal.
942
01:04:34,245 --> 01:04:35,789
[CLEARS THROAT]
943
01:04:35,955 --> 01:04:37,123
NUMBER TWO:
Dr. Evil...
944
01:04:37,290 --> 01:04:39,292
...it's about the sharks.
945
01:04:39,459 --> 01:04:43,463
When you were frozen, they were
put on the endangered species list.
946
01:04:43,630 --> 01:04:47,967
We tried to get some, but it would have
taken months to clear up the red tape.
947
01:04:48,802 --> 01:04:52,097
You know, I have one simple request.
948
01:04:52,263 --> 01:04:57,227
And that is to have sharks with fricking
laser beams attached to their heads.
949
01:04:57,394 --> 01:05:02,774
Now, evidently, my cycloptic colleague
informs me that that can't be done.
950
01:05:02,982 --> 01:05:05,652
Uh, can you remind me
what I pay you people for?
951
01:05:05,819 --> 01:05:08,071
Honestly, throw me a bone here.
952
01:05:08,571 --> 01:05:09,948
What do we have?
953
01:05:10,532 --> 01:05:11,908
Sea bass.
954
01:05:15,495 --> 01:05:17,497
Right.
955
01:05:17,664 --> 01:05:20,750
They are mutated sea bass.
956
01:05:20,917 --> 01:05:22,085
Really?
957
01:05:22,252 --> 01:05:23,837
Are they ill-tempered?
958
01:05:24,003 --> 01:05:26,965
- Absolutely.
- Well, that's a start. That's something.
959
01:05:27,132 --> 01:05:31,678
All right, guard, begin the unnecessarily
slow-moving dipping mechanism.
960
01:05:34,180 --> 01:05:36,015
Close the tank!
961
01:05:37,016 --> 01:05:40,353
Wait, aren't you even gonna watch them?
They could get away.
962
01:05:40,520 --> 01:05:42,522
No,no,no,
I'm going to leave them alone...
963
01:05:42,689 --> 01:05:44,524
...and not actually witness them dying.
964
01:05:44,691 --> 01:05:47,360
I'm just gonna assume
it all went to plan. What?
965
01:05:48,403 --> 01:05:51,865
I have a gun in my room.
You give me five seconds, I'll get it...
966
01:05:52,031 --> 01:05:55,118
...I'll come back down here,
boom, I'll blow their brains out.
967
01:05:55,702 --> 01:05:57,078
Scott...
968
01:05:57,662 --> 01:06:00,331
...you just don't get it, do you?
969
01:06:00,498 --> 01:06:02,000
You don't.
970
01:06:03,209 --> 01:06:04,919
-It's no hassle.
- Shh.
971
01:06:05,086 --> 01:06:07,297
- But-- I'm--
- Shh. Shh.
972
01:06:07,464 --> 01:06:08,798
- All I'm saying--
- Shh.
973
01:06:08,965 --> 01:06:11,009
- They're gonna get aw-- I--
- Shh. Shh.
974
01:06:11,176 --> 01:06:12,552
SCOTT: I'm-- We--
DR. EVIL: Shh.
975
01:06:12,719 --> 01:06:14,345
- We--
- Shh. Knock, knock?
976
01:06:14,512 --> 01:06:16,181
- Who's there?
- Shh!
977
01:06:17,015 --> 01:06:18,641
- Look--
- Shh! Let me tell you a story...
978
01:06:18,808 --> 01:06:20,143
...about a man named Shh.
979
01:06:20,310 --> 01:06:22,896
Shh! Even before you start.
980
01:06:23,062 --> 01:06:24,898
That was a preemptive "shh."
981
01:06:25,064 --> 01:06:29,235
Just know I have a whole bag
of "shh" with your name on it.
982
01:06:29,402 --> 01:06:31,738
[SEA BASS SQUEAKING]
983
01:06:32,405 --> 01:06:33,907
- Aah!
984
01:06:34,407 --> 01:06:35,658
What's your plan?
985
01:06:35,825 --> 01:06:38,578
First, I plan to soil myself.
986
01:06:38,745 --> 01:06:41,372
Then I'm going to regroup
and come up with a new plan.
987
01:06:41,539 --> 01:06:43,416
Any thoughts?
988
01:06:43,583 --> 01:06:45,251
Wait a minute.
989
01:06:46,294 --> 01:06:48,213
I always have this with me just in case.
990
01:06:48,379 --> 01:06:51,883
Okay, I get it. I have bad teeth.
991
01:06:52,467 --> 01:06:56,262
No, Austin. The floss is to
swing ourselves onto the ledge.
992
01:06:56,429 --> 01:06:57,597
AUSTIN:
Oh.
993
01:06:57,764 --> 01:06:59,224
All right, hold on.
994
01:07:01,809 --> 01:07:04,270
Got it. Okay. Toothpaste.
995
01:07:04,562 --> 01:07:06,064
Hello.
996
01:07:09,234 --> 01:07:10,443
Judo chop!
997
01:07:10,944 --> 01:07:12,570
[SCREAMING]
998
01:07:12,737 --> 01:07:14,697
Hang on.
999
01:07:17,534 --> 01:07:18,618
[SCREAMING]
1000
01:07:18,785 --> 01:07:19,827
[YELLING]
1001
01:07:21,287 --> 01:07:23,456
[BOTH GRUNTING]
1002
01:07:23,623 --> 01:07:25,041
Judo trip. Hah!
1003
01:07:27,752 --> 01:07:29,796
No!
1004
01:07:29,963 --> 01:07:31,756
[SEA BASS CHOMPING]
1005
01:07:33,424 --> 01:07:34,968
Ooh! Ah!
1006
01:07:35,134 --> 01:07:37,303
[AUSTIN PANTING]
1007
01:07:38,179 --> 01:07:39,472
[SEA BASS BURPS]
1008
01:07:40,807 --> 01:07:43,393
Not a good time to lose one's head.
1009
01:07:43,560 --> 01:07:45,186
Indeed.
1010
01:07:45,853 --> 01:07:47,772
That's not the way to get ahead in life.
1011
01:07:47,939 --> 01:07:49,315
No.
1012
01:07:50,400 --> 01:07:53,152
It's a shame he wasn't more headstrong.
1013
01:07:53,319 --> 01:07:54,696
Hmm.
1014
01:07:54,862 --> 01:07:57,198
He'll never be the head
of a major corporation.
1015
01:07:57,365 --> 01:07:59,701
- Okay, that'll do.
- Okay.
1016
01:08:05,665 --> 01:08:07,417
No. What are we gonna do?
1017
01:08:07,584 --> 01:08:10,962
Oh, look, there's an emergency exit.
Go get help, I'm gonna stay here...
1018
01:08:11,129 --> 01:08:12,839
...and keep an eye on Dr. Evil.
1019
01:08:13,006 --> 01:08:15,133
Okay, I'll hurry back.
1020
01:08:16,801 --> 01:08:18,803
Listen, Vanessa.
1021
01:08:20,680 --> 01:08:22,557
Whatever happens...
1022
01:08:22,724 --> 01:08:25,602
...I want you to know
that I feel really bad...
1023
01:08:25,768 --> 01:08:27,854
...about that Italian bird.
1024
01:08:29,188 --> 01:08:31,232
What I'm trying to say is...
1025
01:08:31,858 --> 01:08:34,902
...that if you want me
to be a one-woman man...
1026
01:08:35,069 --> 01:08:37,113
...well, that's just groovy, baby.
1027
01:08:38,489 --> 01:08:40,158
Behave.
1028
01:09:16,653 --> 01:09:18,404
Come, everyone...
1029
01:09:18,571 --> 01:09:21,491
...let us repair to the main chamber.
1030
01:09:22,075 --> 01:09:25,286
Project Vulcan is about to begin.
1031
01:09:28,122 --> 01:09:31,376
Scott, don't you want to see
what Daddy does for a living?
1032
01:09:31,668 --> 01:09:33,252
- Blow me.
- Excuse me?
1033
01:09:34,420 --> 01:09:36,089
Show me.
1034
01:09:37,173 --> 01:09:38,591
0K8)'-
1035
01:09:49,435 --> 01:09:51,938
DR. EVIL [ON PA]:
Position the Vulcan.
1036
01:10:05,868 --> 01:10:08,579
Bring in the warhead.
1037
01:10:18,464 --> 01:10:20,967
[GRUNTS]
1038
01:10:21,509 --> 01:10:23,010
Ooh.
1039
01:10:37,024 --> 01:10:38,317
Hello, hello.
1040
01:10:38,693 --> 01:10:41,154
- Hello, Mr. Powers.
- Hello, Mr. Powers.
1041
01:10:42,530 --> 01:10:45,074
- Care to have a little fun?
- Care to have a little fun?
1042
01:10:45,241 --> 01:10:46,993
No, actually, I, uh--
1043
01:10:47,160 --> 01:10:48,745
I have to save the world.
1044
01:10:59,589 --> 01:11:01,674
Is it cold in here? Heh.
1045
01:11:18,024 --> 01:11:20,359
Arm the probe.
1046
01:11:24,113 --> 01:11:26,699
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER PA]
1047
01:11:33,372 --> 01:11:35,208
Yes.
1048
01:11:35,374 --> 01:11:36,375
Yes.
1049
01:11:36,542 --> 01:11:39,796
No! No. No. I've got to get Dr. Evil.
1050
01:11:39,962 --> 01:11:41,714
I've got to get Dr. Evil.
1051
01:11:41,881 --> 01:11:44,217
No. No. No. Uh, baseball.
1052
01:11:44,383 --> 01:11:45,718
Uh, cold showers.
1053
01:11:45,885 --> 01:11:47,178
Baseball. Cold showers--
1054
01:11:47,345 --> 01:11:48,679
FEMBOT:
Give it up, Mr. Powers.
1055
01:11:48,846 --> 01:11:51,265
Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!
1056
01:11:51,432 --> 01:11:53,851
Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!
1057
01:11:54,811 --> 01:11:56,562
VANESSA:
Gentlemen.
1058
01:12:00,483 --> 01:12:01,984
Let's lock and load.
1059
01:12:02,151 --> 01:12:04,111
MAN1: Right, lads.
MAN 2: All right, hup, hup.
1060
01:12:05,196 --> 01:12:06,322
[FEMBOTS CHATTERING]
1061
01:12:06,489 --> 01:12:07,990
- Don't go.
- Please don't go.
1062
01:12:08,157 --> 01:12:09,617
FEMBOT 1: Stay.
FEMBOT 2: Don't go.
1063
01:12:09,784 --> 01:12:11,327
BOTH:
You can't resist us, Mr. Powers.
1064
01:12:11,494 --> 01:12:14,080
ALL:
You can't resist us, Mr. Powers.
1065
01:12:14,497 --> 01:12:16,123
Au contraire, baby.
1066
01:12:16,290 --> 01:12:18,918
I think you can't resist me.
1067
01:12:24,340 --> 01:12:26,259
- Ooh!
- Aah!
1068
01:12:33,391 --> 01:12:37,270
[MOUTHS]
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
1069
01:12:38,020 --> 01:12:39,021
[ALL GASP]
1070
01:12:50,074 --> 01:12:51,617
[CIRCUITS CRACKLE]
1071
01:12:56,122 --> 01:12:57,582
[CIRCUITS CRACKLE]
1072
01:12:59,292 --> 01:13:00,376
[CIRCUITS BUZZING]
1073
01:13:03,296 --> 01:13:06,465
[CIRCUITS BUZZING]
1074
01:13:12,138 --> 01:13:13,639
[GROANING]
1075
01:13:21,480 --> 01:13:23,399
[FEMBOTS GROANING]
1076
01:13:44,045 --> 01:13:45,588
Austin?
1077
01:13:45,755 --> 01:13:47,465
Vanessa. Uh...
1078
01:13:47,632 --> 01:13:49,759
it-- It's not what it seems.
1079
01:13:51,636 --> 01:13:53,804
- At ease, boys.
- Likewise.
1080
01:13:55,514 --> 01:14:00,186
Vanessa, I can explain. See, what happened
was, uh, I broke in trying to get to Dr. Evil.
1081
01:14:00,353 --> 01:14:04,106
Then the Fembots came by and smoke
started to come out of theirjubblies.
1082
01:14:04,273 --> 01:14:07,526
So I thought I'd work my mojo,
right, to counter their mojo.
1083
01:14:07,693 --> 01:14:11,530
We got "cross-mojonations" and their
heads started to explode. You know...
1084
01:14:11,697 --> 01:14:14,575
...that thing and I ended up
in my knickers here and then...
1085
01:14:14,742 --> 01:14:16,160
[PANTS]
1086
01:14:16,744 --> 01:14:18,329
Okay, Austin, I believe you.
1087
01:14:18,496 --> 01:14:21,374
- Now, get dressed.
- Smashing, baby.
1088
01:14:22,375 --> 01:14:24,502
VANESSA:
Onward, boys.
1089
01:14:28,297 --> 01:14:31,384
Launching the subterranean probe.
1090
01:14:35,137 --> 01:14:39,016
MAN [ON PA]: Begin initial surface penetration.
1091
01:14:42,478 --> 01:14:46,691
Subterranean nuclear detonation
in three minutes and counting.
1092
01:14:46,857 --> 01:14:49,235
[MAN YELLING]
1093
01:14:56,283 --> 01:14:57,576
MAN:
Watch out!
1094
01:15:00,746 --> 01:15:02,373
[GRUNTS]
1095
01:15:03,290 --> 01:15:04,417
VANESSA:
Fight back!
1096
01:15:05,084 --> 01:15:06,919
MAN [ON PA]: Subterranean nuclear detonation...
1097
01:15:07,086 --> 01:15:09,422
-...in three minutes and counting.
- Aargh!
1098
01:15:11,382 --> 01:15:12,758
[SCREAMS]
1099
01:15:19,849 --> 01:15:21,767
DR. EVIL:
I tripped. Unh! Ow, ow, ow!
1100
01:15:22,935 --> 01:15:25,688
Open the fricking door.
1101
01:15:28,816 --> 01:15:31,152
MAN [ON PA]: World destruction, beginning in--
1102
01:15:31,318 --> 01:15:35,448
AUSTIN: Judo. Judo.
MAN [ON PA]: --10, nine...
1103
01:15:35,614 --> 01:15:38,576
...eight, seven, six...
1104
01:15:38,743 --> 01:15:39,952
[ALARM BUZZING]
1105
01:15:40,119 --> 01:15:43,789
...five, four, three...
1106
01:15:44,248 --> 01:15:46,459
...two, one...
1107
01:15:47,293 --> 01:15:49,795
[IN DEEP VOICE]
No!
1108
01:15:54,133 --> 01:15:56,635
MAN [ON PA]:
Abort. Abort.
1109
01:15:56,802 --> 01:15:58,721
- Abort. Abon'.
ALL: Hurray!
1110
01:15:59,764 --> 01:16:02,224
MAN [ON PA]:
Abort. Abort.
1111
01:16:02,391 --> 01:16:04,894
AUSTIN:
Now to Dr. Evil.
1112
01:16:05,227 --> 01:16:07,563
Din-din.
1113
01:16:07,730 --> 01:16:10,274
[SINGING] I want chicken
I want liver
1114
01:16:10,441 --> 01:16:13,986
Meow Mix, Meow Mix
Please deliver
1115
01:16:14,153 --> 01:16:16,989
I've got you now, Dr. Evil.
1116
01:16:17,615 --> 01:16:20,326
Well done, Mr. Powers.
1117
01:16:20,701 --> 01:16:23,913
We're not so different, you and I.
1118
01:16:24,663 --> 01:16:30,419
However, isn't it ironic
that the very things that you stand for...
1119
01:16:30,586 --> 01:16:36,509
...free love, swinging, parties,
are all now in the '90s...
1120
01:16:36,675 --> 01:16:39,136
...considered to be...
1121
01:16:40,346 --> 01:16:41,889
...evil?
1122
01:16:42,056 --> 01:16:44,725
No, man, what we swingers
were rebelling against...
1123
01:16:44,892 --> 01:16:47,019
...is uptight squares like you...
1124
01:16:47,186 --> 01:16:49,980
...whose bag was money
and world domination.
1125
01:16:50,147 --> 01:16:51,857
We were innocent, man.
1126
01:16:52,024 --> 01:16:55,486
If we had known the consequences
of our sexual liberation...
1127
01:16:55,653 --> 01:16:59,532
...we would have done things differently,
but the spirit would've remained the same.
1128
01:16:59,698 --> 01:17:02,618
It's freedom, baby, yeah.
1129
01:17:02,785 --> 01:17:06,038
Face it. Freedom failed.
1130
01:17:06,205 --> 01:17:08,499
No, man, freedom didn't fail.
1131
01:17:08,666 --> 01:17:11,961
Right now, we've got freedom
and responsibility.
1132
01:17:12,128 --> 01:17:14,547
It's a very groovy time. Heh.
1133
01:17:14,713 --> 01:17:18,259
There's nothing more pathetic
than an aging hipster.
1134
01:17:18,425 --> 01:17:22,555
All right, baldy, shut your cakehole.
Come on, let's go, on your bike.
1135
01:17:22,721 --> 01:17:23,764
Oh.
1136
01:17:23,931 --> 01:17:25,683
Not so fast.
1137
01:17:25,850 --> 01:17:29,061
It seems the tables have turned,
Mr. Powers.
1138
01:17:29,228 --> 01:17:35,067
- Go ahead, Austin. Don't worry about me.
- Hey, I can take my Sega, right, Dad?
1139
01:17:35,234 --> 01:17:38,571
It seems the tables have turned again,
Dr. Evil.
1140
01:17:38,737 --> 01:17:41,574
Not really. Kill the little bastard,
see what I care.
1141
01:17:41,740 --> 01:17:44,076
But Dad, we just had
a breakthrough in group.
1142
01:17:44,243 --> 01:17:48,164
I had the group liquidated, you little shit.
They were insolent.
1143
01:17:48,664 --> 01:17:50,124
I hate you. I hate you.
1144
01:17:50,291 --> 01:17:52,585
I wish I was never
artificially created in a lab.
1145
01:17:52,751 --> 01:17:55,880
Oh, Scott, that hurts Daddy
when you say that, honestly.
1146
01:17:56,755 --> 01:17:58,132
Ahh.
1147
01:17:58,299 --> 01:18:00,926
Number Two, your timing is impeccable.
1148
01:18:01,093 --> 01:18:03,053
Go ahead, take Mr. Powers away.
1149
01:18:04,054 --> 01:18:05,723
No.
1150
01:18:06,140 --> 01:18:07,850
- What?
NUMBER TWO: Dr. Evil...
1151
01:18:08,767 --> 01:18:12,730
...I spent 30 years of my life
turning this two-bit evil empire...
1152
01:18:12,897 --> 01:18:15,733
...into a world-class multinational.
1153
01:18:15,900 --> 01:18:18,861
I was going to have
a cover story in Forbes.
1154
01:18:19,028 --> 01:18:22,364
But you, like an idiot,
wanted to take over the world.
1155
01:18:22,531 --> 01:18:25,117
And you don't realize
there is no world anymore.
1156
01:18:25,284 --> 01:18:26,911
It's only corporations.
1157
01:18:27,077 --> 01:18:29,496
- Silence, Number Two.
- No.
1158
01:18:29,663 --> 01:18:32,458
I've had enough of you
pushing me around.
1159
01:18:35,669 --> 01:18:40,716
Mr. Powers, I have a business proposition
you might find very interesting.
1160
01:18:41,800 --> 01:18:44,261
All right, I've had enough.
1161
01:18:44,428 --> 01:18:45,888
[YELLS]
1162
01:18:46,055 --> 01:18:48,140
[NUMBER TWO SCREAMING]
1163
01:18:48,891 --> 01:18:50,976
- Judo chop.
- Ugh!
1164
01:18:52,853 --> 01:18:55,564
MAN [ON PA]: The complex will self-destruct.
1165
01:19:01,237 --> 01:19:02,488
Let's split. Let's go.
1166
01:19:05,157 --> 01:19:07,326
This place is gonna blow.
1167
01:19:10,162 --> 01:19:13,165
[ALARM BLARING]
1168
01:19:13,332 --> 01:19:15,876
MAN [ON PA]: The complex will self-destruct.
1169
01:19:16,043 --> 01:19:17,503
MAN:
Go!
1170
01:19:18,087 --> 01:19:20,005
Come on, let's go.
1171
01:19:22,341 --> 01:19:24,969
MAN [ON PA]: The complex will self-destruct.
1172
01:19:26,011 --> 01:19:28,013
VANESSA: This way, Austin.
AUSTIN: Come on, baby...
1173
01:19:28,180 --> 01:19:29,431
...it's gonna blow, let's go.
1174
01:19:29,598 --> 01:19:32,851
Move it. Alley-oop.
1175
01:19:33,018 --> 01:19:35,854
[GROANING]
1176
01:19:36,021 --> 01:19:37,273
[ENGINE STARTS]
1177
01:19:37,439 --> 01:19:38,440
Ooh.
1178
01:19:53,914 --> 01:19:55,874
[CHURCH BELLS RINGING]
1179
01:19:56,041 --> 01:19:58,085
[AUSTIN LAUGHING]
1180
01:20:00,671 --> 01:20:03,215
VANESSA: Ha, ha.
AUSTIN: Oh...
1181
01:20:03,382 --> 01:20:06,260
Yeah. Ah.
1182
01:20:07,136 --> 01:20:08,595
[AUSTIN CHUCKLES]
1183
01:20:08,762 --> 01:20:10,973
I love you, Mr. Powers.
1184
01:20:11,140 --> 01:20:15,060
And I love you, Mrs. Powers.
1185
01:20:15,227 --> 01:20:16,854
[COMMUNICATOR RINGING]
1186
01:20:17,021 --> 01:20:19,064
Oh, that'll be Basil Exposition.
1187
01:20:20,149 --> 01:20:23,986
- Oh, ignore it, Austin. Come back to bed.
- Duty calls, baby.
1188
01:20:27,364 --> 01:20:28,991
Hello, Austin.
1189
01:20:29,158 --> 01:20:32,745
Oh, I-- I hope I'm not interrupting
your honeymoon.
1190
01:20:32,911 --> 01:20:35,039
No, not at all, Basil.
1191
01:20:35,205 --> 01:20:37,583
Did you get that fruit basket I sent you?
1192
01:20:37,750 --> 01:20:42,046
Yes, we did, Basil, but you sent too much.
I'm gonna have to send some to my mother.
1193
01:20:42,212 --> 01:20:45,299
- Oh, don't forget these.
- Oh, thanks.
1194
01:20:45,466 --> 01:20:48,719
- There you go.
- Did you get my other gift?
1195
01:20:48,886 --> 01:20:53,307
- We did.
- Yes, Basil, nice rack.
1196
01:20:53,474 --> 01:20:55,976
But who in the world
gave us this drawing?
1197
01:20:56,143 --> 01:20:58,020
It's bizarre.
1198
01:20:58,187 --> 01:21:01,857
Well, as you know,
Dr. Evil has escaped in his rocket...
1199
01:21:02,024 --> 01:21:04,318
...which has disappeared
from our tracking system.
1200
01:21:04,485 --> 01:21:06,570
- Oh, dear. Hold on. Coffee?
- Oh, yes, please.
1201
01:21:06,737 --> 01:21:08,697
Okay. Thank you.
1202
01:21:09,031 --> 01:21:13,369
Oh, and Vanessa, by the way,
you have been made a full agent.
1203
01:21:13,535 --> 01:21:15,871
Oh, that's fantastic, Basil. Thanks.
1204
01:21:16,038 --> 01:21:18,082
- Milk?
- Yes, please.
1205
01:21:18,248 --> 01:21:23,128
Oh, and Austin, her Majesty, the Queen,
informs me that you are to be knighted.
1206
01:21:23,295 --> 01:21:25,089
Very shagadelic.
1207
01:21:25,255 --> 01:21:27,466
Well, the best of luck to both of you.
1208
01:21:27,633 --> 01:21:30,636
- Thanks, Basil.
- Goodbye.
1209
01:21:30,803 --> 01:21:35,516
You know, Vanessa,
I'll never forget the first time I saw you.
1210
01:21:35,682 --> 01:21:38,602
You were so incredibly beautiful.
1211
01:21:39,436 --> 01:21:42,272
So incredibly sexy.
1212
01:21:42,564 --> 01:21:45,025
I knew I had to have you...
1213
01:21:45,526 --> 01:21:47,945
...right then and there.
1214
01:21:49,405 --> 01:21:51,949
Did you feel the same way?
1215
01:21:52,116 --> 01:21:54,326
Actually, I couldn't stop
staring at your teeth.
1216
01:21:54,493 --> 01:21:55,828
Oh.
1217
01:21:55,994 --> 01:21:57,454
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
1218
01:21:57,621 --> 01:22:00,416
Oh, I ordered some champagne. Come in.
1219
01:22:00,749 --> 01:22:02,084
VANESSA:
Oh, lovely, Austin.
1220
01:22:02,251 --> 01:22:04,002
AUSTIN:
Right over there's fine, thank you.
1221
01:22:04,169 --> 01:22:06,004
VANESSA:
Let's go out on the terrace.
1222
01:22:06,171 --> 01:22:08,132
It's a beautiful night,
we can look at the stars.
1223
01:22:08,298 --> 01:22:09,466
AUSTIN:
Smashing idea, baby.
1224
01:22:09,633 --> 01:22:12,052
Yeah, look at you.
1225
01:22:12,553 --> 01:22:14,096
[NECK CRACKS]
1226
01:22:14,263 --> 01:22:16,515
VANESSA:
Oh! Look out!
1227
01:22:17,015 --> 01:22:18,934
OW! Unh!
1228
01:22:19,101 --> 01:22:21,645
That really hurt.
1229
01:22:21,812 --> 01:22:24,022
I'm gonna have a lump there, you idiot.
1230
01:22:24,565 --> 01:22:28,026
Who throws a shoe? Honestly.
1231
01:22:28,485 --> 01:22:30,112
You fight like a woman.
1232
01:22:32,364 --> 01:22:34,491
[YELLING]
1233
01:22:37,744 --> 01:22:39,538
[CHOKING]
1234
01:22:45,502 --> 01:22:47,004
Austin.
1235
01:22:48,130 --> 01:22:50,674
Honestly, it's not mine.
1236
01:22:50,841 --> 01:22:52,217
No, use it.
1237
01:22:52,718 --> 01:22:54,261
[RANDOM TASK GRUNTS]
1238
01:22:57,139 --> 01:22:58,891
[RANDOM TASK GRUNTING]
1239
01:23:12,196 --> 01:23:13,530
[CRASH]
1240
01:23:13,697 --> 01:23:15,115
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
1241
01:23:17,576 --> 01:23:20,037
Look how beautiful the night sky is.
1242
01:23:20,204 --> 01:23:22,372
Hey, isn't that the Big Dipper?
1243
01:23:22,539 --> 01:23:25,751
Yeah, and that looks just like Uranus.
1244
01:23:25,918 --> 01:23:28,253
- Austin.
- Well, you know.
1245
01:23:28,420 --> 01:23:32,758
- Hey, I've never seen that big star before.
- Yeah, what is that?
1246
01:23:35,052 --> 01:23:36,970
Good God.
1247
01:23:41,642 --> 01:23:44,895
I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers.
1248
01:23:45,062 --> 01:23:48,607
It's fricking freezing in here,
Mr. Bigglesworth.
1249
01:23:48,774 --> 01:23:50,692
[YOWLS]
1250
01:24:18,262 --> 01:24:21,473
Darling, you look fabulous.
Okay, baby, here we go.
1251
01:24:21,640 --> 01:24:24,017
All right, there we go. Look at that face.
1252
01:24:24,184 --> 01:24:27,062
Show me again, come on.
Bit of hair, bit of hair, bit of hair.
1253
01:24:27,229 --> 01:24:31,567
Smashing. Okay. It's coming around now.
Coming around. Yes.
1254
01:24:31,733 --> 01:24:36,989
Yes, great. Yes, yes, yes.
No! No! No. No, it's not working.
1255
01:24:37,155 --> 01:24:40,993
Darling, you go change, there you go.
Can you change her? Is that okay? All right?
1256
01:24:41,159 --> 01:24:43,745
Very good. Very good.
1257
01:24:43,912 --> 01:24:46,456
And right here.
Right here, looking right there.
1258
01:24:46,623 --> 01:24:48,792
Looking right-- I'm not even looking.
1259
01:24:48,959 --> 01:24:53,547
Oh, you're wicked. You got your mojo
working overtime, darling. Yeah.
1260
01:24:53,714 --> 01:24:56,008
Look, I'm not even shooting you,
it's insane.
1261
01:24:56,174 --> 01:24:59,678
Smashing. Beautiful.
Come on, can I get a smile?
1262
01:24:59,845 --> 01:25:04,016
Okay, come on. Come on, you boys,
get together, come on.
1263
01:25:05,017 --> 01:25:08,061
Okay, good. Loving it.
Let's make a Vanessa sandwich.
1264
01:25:08,228 --> 01:25:12,691
You're wearing horns, you're wearing horns.
Come on, Austin, give it to me. Go. Go--
1265
01:25:12,858 --> 01:25:14,693
Oh, behave.
1266
01:25:14,860 --> 01:25:20,157
Okay, you're an animal. An animal. Yes.
1267
01:25:22,409 --> 01:25:27,789
Yes, that's it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just the top of the hair, that's all I want.
1268
01:25:27,956 --> 01:25:30,626
Born, and shoot.
Again, try it one more time.
1269
01:25:30,792 --> 01:25:34,880
And I'm born, and shoot. That's it, yeah.
1270
01:25:35,047 --> 01:25:37,549
Let's go, come on, come on. Come on.
1271
01:25:37,716 --> 01:25:41,887
Ignore this. Ignore this.
Ignore me doing this.
1272
01:25:44,556 --> 01:25:46,725
Fabulous, darling.
1273
01:25:50,729 --> 01:25:53,523
Go, go, go!
1274
01:25:57,402 --> 01:26:00,280
Lord. Lord.
1275
01:26:01,948 --> 01:26:04,451
Yes, yes, yes. Okay, show me eyes.
1276
01:26:04,618 --> 01:26:07,454
Yes. Yes. Yes--
1277
01:26:07,621 --> 01:26:12,417
No! No! No! Never get-- And I'm spent.
1278
01:26:12,584 --> 01:26:13,710
[CAMERA SMASHES]
1279
01:26:13,877 --> 01:26:18,423
What say you we go out on the town
and swing, baby, yeah.
1280
01:26:22,427 --> 01:26:24,262
[PLAYING "BBC"]
1281
01:26:24,429 --> 01:26:28,016
[suns-me "BBC"]
1282
01:29:30,782 --> 01:29:32,784
98316
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