Original subtitles

Previously on "Web Therapy"...

You're dressed like...

I'm going to a reenactment tonight

of the signing of the declaration of independence.

Oh, thank God.

I'll be with the handsome governor.

Oh.

It's my way of cozying up to him

so that he will give kip an appointment

to the supreme court of Pennsylvania.

How are you privy to some of my sessions, hacker?

- Are you a hacker? - N-no.

There's a big distinction between what I do and hacking.

I work for the... the National Security Agency, so...

The NSA? So why would the NSA...

And we monitor a lot of web activity,

- a lot of internet traffic. - Uhhuh.

And we were turned on to your show...

This isn't a show. This is my life.

And I thought that... that you would be flattered by that.

S04E10 Lies and Alibis

sync and corrected by ninh www.addic7ed.com

Yeah, well, I guess what I'm saying is,

is that I need my computer firewall

to be so foolproof that even the...

Oh, I don't know. Just at random...

it's crazy... but that the NSA couldn't even get in.

All right? Because I'm healing people.

Right? So...

That's the importance... oh, okay.

And maybe you'll keep my charitable work service in mind

when you're billing me.

Yeah.

Hello, Abel.

It's me, Fiona.

What is it?

Well, I'm just calling to let you know

that we have a new security system,

so I noticed you probably gave up trying to contact me.

And that's why.

Okay, I mean, that's why you haven't been able

to see me if you've been wondering.

Well, um... Yes, we did.

We noticed that you got a bit of a firewall put up,

but it was a thin one,

and it didn't take more than a few minutes.

But yes, we did notice that, and it was a valiant effort, so...

What? What do you mean?

Congratulate the folks that worked on that.

It didn't work? I thought we...

Well, this is... let me show you.

He was Israeli. He was supposed to be good.

This is from a previous session yesterday you had.

See here?

But we put up this new firewall.

- And then we have this here. - Oh!

- And that. - Yes. Okay.

- So that's post... - Oh, Wednesday.

Well, you must have gotten a kick out of that one.

Security update.

That's a real loser.

Truth be told, Fiona...

And I didn't like my hair in that one either.

I really wasn't paying close attention.

So then your friends didn't tell you about it?

You know, something you said to me at the end of our session

it actually was pretty poignant,

and it... and it... it had an impact on me.

And that was, you said that

I need to refocus on protecting americans.

Yes.

And that is true.

And I started thinking about it, you know?

I was cycling, and I thought to myself,

"you know, the shoe bomber didn't kill anybody.

"Didn't hurt anyone. Didn't harm anyone.

Underwear bomber, same thing."

You, on the other hand,

you have personally ruined the lives

of 12, by my count, americans.

12? That's absurd.

Let me read you some names.

Richard Pratt, Austen Clarke,

Jackson Pickett, Nick Jericho,

Robert Lachman, Chris Endicott,

do you remember that poor individual?

That was my...

That individual had to mutilate their genitals

to deal with your impact.

No! Nonsense.

Yes, yes, yes.

That was my first husband

who was gay and then decided to become a woman.

Because he didn't want to be gay.

He wanted to... you know what?

- The way a dog decides... - That's... you know it.

To come indoors when its leash is pulled?

- I'm not pulling the leash. - You're not?

I wasn't in contact with Christopher Endico...

it's... Endi... wha... listen.

You know what? I am gonna protect americans...

- That was personal. - Against terrorist threats.

And my number one terrorist is you.

They're already damaged people anyway when they come to see me.

That's like accusing your terrorist

of killing people who live in a cemetery.

- Uh-huh. - They're already dead.

Well, my analogy would be you're an auto mechanic,

and someone brings in a crashed car,

and your solution is to set it on fire.

I don't think that's a good analogy.

If your clients... patients are damaged...

Yes.

Then what you're doing is further damaging them.

No, someone's bringing a car into my shop

that's already been totaled in an accident.

- Yes. Yes. - All right?

I'm unable to completely repair it.

You're blaming me because you can still see

that the car was damaged.

You take that totaled car.

You put it in the compactor,

and you turn it into the size of a washing machine.

It's just a little, dense nugget of metal

that couldn't serve any purpose

to anybody at any time other than being...

That's not true.

Melted down and turned into something entirely different.

- Right. - Like a man to a woman.

Then it is useful.

Because it's being used. It's being repurposed.

You treated a woman, Gal Snyder.

She left your session. She drove straight home.

She closed the garage door, left her car running.

It's not like I said, "go home"...

You can't prevent your patients from driving

from your sessions straight to their death?

I could if I tampered with her vehicle

or intervened and made a call, but I'm not allowed to.

Well, then you either need to change your policies

or you need to advise your clients

to have screened garage doors.

- To allow a lot of ventilation. - What? That's insane.

- That's insane. - I agree.

So unreasonable. I'm sorry.

That woman was a miserable person, okay?

And I can't help it.

So you would chalk that up as one of your successes?

Well, I think she chalks it up as a success.

She had tried three times before...

No, but I didn't push her to that.

I'm uncomfortable with this whole conversation about her.

- Okay. - All right?

That was very sad, and I was sad about it.

Well, I will be watching you,

but not as a fan anymore,

as an investigator.

I'll tell you what's going on here.

Here's what's going on.

I think that you are feeling so confused

and muddled by your disappointment in yourself,

which probably I pointed out in the session...

that's what rang true to you, okay...

that you're questioning everything,

and you're angry that you're questioning it,

- and you're taking it out on me. - Uhhuh.

That is the whole entire problem

with your whole generation and people like you...

- Uh-huh. - Where you have no direction.

All you do is watch and observe.

But you don't do anything.

You don't produce anything.

You're useless people,

and you're floundering around like blind mice

figuring out "what kind of impact can I have on the world?"

Well, you're missing it with this one, okay, friend?

You're missing it.

- Is that so? - That is completely so.

- Examine yourself. - Bring...

I urge you to bring a very strong SPF down to Cuba.

This time, I'm gonna be hanging up on you.

Well, I'm sure you can still hear me.

- You bet your ass I can. - Please examine yourself.

Okay.

Oh.

Time for my appointment.

Hello?

Oh, hello.

Hi, I'm Dr. Fiona Wallice.

And you're Tyler...

I'm Tyler Levin... Levin.

It says "Tyler Bishop."

My original name was Bishop, but I changed it to Levin.

Oh.

I just thought people would respond better to it.

I'm a very good lawyer,

and I wanted a very good lawyer name.

Right, and a jewish name is a good lawyer name.

- I guess. Yeah. - That makes sense.

Now, I see you're in Philadelphia.

That's what it said on your intake.

Yeah, no, I live in Philadelphia.

- You... okay, of course you do. - Yeah.

But you must be doing well because of... your office is nice.

- Yes. - Okay.

I can't imagine you have any problems,

because you...

I'm sorry if I'm being forward,

but I'm just inexplicably attracted to you.

Oh, that's very nice of you.

I feel a connection somehow.

Well, I did win the American Law Association

of America award three years running,

the... the ala-o-ala award.

But I don't keep 'em out.

- You know, 'cause I don't wanna... - That's bad taste.

- The fuck are those things? - I don't know.

It's funny, I'm not familiar with that association.

- My husband... - The ala-ola?

Yes.

My husband is, you know, in the legal profession himself,

and I've not heard of that,

but it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

- But you know... - Oh, it exists.

Okay.

Well, what can I help you with, Mr. Levin-Bishop?

Well, people have... it's just Levin now.

Just... okay, Mr. Levin.

Yes.

Um, I need your help because I'm being accused

of something that's kind of true that I...

I'm being accused that I lie a lot. Now, I know that's weird

'cause I'm a lawyer and lawyers have to lie.

Oh, well, yes, you do.

But I can't stop.

Oh. Shoot.

It's creeping into your personal life or...

It's creeping into my personal life

and also my relationships with people,

which is a big deal.

Look.

We all have to put on some kind of facade.

- Do we not? - Yes, or a false front.

Yes.

I used to be the heavyweight champion of the world.

- In what? - Boxing.

Oh.

- Really? - No.

Okay. Right.

Oh, so it's a compulsion you have.

My father, who... maybe we should talk about that, right?

We're supposed to talk about, like, my childhood, right?

Not too... well, not too much, because...

- Oh. - You know, that's not what I...

I don't really want to hear about dreams or feelings

or, you know, that sort of thing.

I don't have dreams or feelings.

Well, you found the perfect therapist.

But my father, um...

Can you hold on for one second?

Yes, of course.

Sorry. There was a fly.

Oh. All right, yes.

Just had to fly... swish away the fly.

It can be just too distracting.

My father invented the lighthouse.

- What? - What?

Really? Your father... the light...

weren't lighthouses, though,

already in existence for centuries?

- He's very old. - Well, he was the one who said,

"put a light at the top of it," though.

So he saved millions of lives just thinking of,

like, big ships just crashing into places.

Before, they were just weird, tall houses.

Uh-huh.

So the lying is an actual problem.

He was also involved in Gordon Lightfoot's career,

'cause his original name was Gordon Foot.

And he said, "throw a 'light' in there."

- Right. - And then...

because people were off-put.

They didn't like his songs if they just thought of feet.

Right.

So...

I don't know if I need to refer you

to more of a residential situation.

You mean I've got to move?

For mental health...

- more of a place with a bed. - Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I've... I'm completely in control of my faculties.

Okay.

So... but... so... so you're...

He invented the lighthouse.

Right.

But that's a lie. Is it not?

What are you doing?

I assume the fly is a lie as well.

There's flies just all arou... I probably should move.

Can I ask you something?

Do you have a substance abuse issue?

No, I've actually been sober now for quite some time.

- Oh. - About 13 years.

Well, good for you.

There's a lot of, um, bottles.

There's a bar, in fact, behind you.

Oh, yeah.

Well, the bottles are there

because I'm constantly asked to christen ships.

Oh.

- So I need to be ready. - Right.

And that's why the bottles are there.

But no, no, I've been sober for quite a while.

Oh, well, you're drinking something right there.

- Yes, this is... - That you don't want me to see.

It's alcohol-free scotch.

Oh, I wasn't aware that they made alcohol...

just don't have any... they don't have alcohol in it.

You really are a horrible liar.

Ask me any question.

- Any question... - I already did.

- And without thinking... - And I got a lie.

Without thinking, I will tell you the truth.

- This is proof. - Okay, what's your real name?

- I wrote the fly. - Okay.

Well, you know what? You have a lovely office.

You seem tbe doing very well.

Maybe this isn't a problem for you.

No, it... it is a problem.

In fact, in a week, I'm going to China to win an award.

That... that's... you're winning an awa...

- that's a lie. - That's a lie. No.

Okay, so what is happening in a...

- a week is the true part? - In a week.

This is the reason for the... for the internet call...

Uh-huh.

- And my need of your services. - Right.

I have... I'm being deposed about my lying.

Oh.

And if it's found out that I am a compulsive liar,

- then I'm gonna be disbarred. - Right.

So I was hoping that you could maybe

write a note or something on a piece of paper that...

I'm just... I'm just doing a hand gesture that's a pen.

- Yes. - This is just a...

I'm just pretending I'm holding a pen.

No, that's perfectly wonderful communication skills.

I understood that. Very good.

- Yes. - Good for you.

See, I'm praising you for your honesty.

So it's... I was really holding a pencil.

You know, I'm gonna be honest with you.

There's no way I can take you on,

because there's no treating you.

But now you're angry.

Of course I'm angry.

This has been a colossal waste of my time.

Let's talk about payment.

I'm willing to pay your... your fee,

which is quite a lot.

Really?

Well, each session, uh,

it's three-minute sessions.

Each session is 25.

$2,500 for... so let's do, like, five sessions.

So that's, like, $10,000 plus $500 and something.

Yes, I will. Yes.

- I will. - Oh, great.

Yes, you need help.

- Hello? - Hello.

- Oh. - Hello, darling.

Hi, mother. What are you...

Are you flying?

What are you doing?

Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Oh!

What's happening?

Oh, darling, I have to undo my harness.

Harness?

What are you, part of Cirque du Soleil now?

No, I'm...

I'm preparing to tamper with the brakes

on the justice's car tonight.

What?

In the Pennsylvania supreme court.

No, why would you do that?

Because I want to get Kip a seat

on the supreme court of Pennsylvania.

The governor only appoints a justice if there's a vacancy.

Well, I shouldn't hear about this plan.

You don't know how to do such a thing.

I know exactly how to do it.

And all I need from you is the password

to Jerome's YouTube account

because that's where the video is that shows you

how to tamper with the justice's brakes.

Oh, you're enlisting your daughter to become

an accomplice in this huge crime, this murder?

No, thank you. I don't even know...

Itsy bitsy bitsy bitsy bitsy bitsy.

Oh, yes, I'm itsy bitsy. I'm sorry. You're right.

I'm horrible. I won't help.

Oh, I'm gonna have fun tonight doing this.

I'm gonna be dressed up as if I'm going to

a high-end cocktail costume party.

I know. You're too conspicuous for this.

And then they're going to lower me down

like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible,

and I'm going to work on the brakes and tamper with them.

Right. Do you understand the brakes,

mother, are under the car?

- Not over the... - Oh, whatever.

You don't hover over a car to tamper with the brakes.

Wherever the brakes are,

I will find them and I will discontinue them.

Mother, I'm gonna do you a favor

and pretend this conversation never happened.

- All right? - But it didn't.

It didn't happen.

So is... this is the management office I'm speaking with?

Oh, good. All right.

This is Fiona Wallice in the penthouse,

and I already spoke with the doorman,

but I wanted to make sure that you also knew

I am now the only tenant, all right?

And so I also wanted you to know and have, um...

Um, I dropped off a picture

with the doorman and security of Putsy Hodge,

who is not allowed in my penthouse anymore.

Yes, that needs to be clear, all right?

So I dropped that off.

I also dropped off the maintenance fees

for the next year.

Okay. Good.

And, um, well, I think that's it.

All right. Thank you.

I should have gotten his name.

Oh. It's you.

How are you?

Hi. Oh, you're friendly.

You're happy.

What's happening?

Am I gonna be attacked by a drone?

Oh, oh, I'm not calling on any official business.

I'm just calling as a... as a patient

to tell you about, uh, the breakthrough that you caused

that has, I think, just liberated me.

Oh.

I think you really sent me

in just the best direction possible.

- I'm leaving the NSA. - Oh.

That's done.

You know, when you said that I'm just a useless

non-producer who just watches and judges,

that really hit home, and you know what, you're dead right.

I'm just... I was a barnacle on...

Society.

And now I'm gonna go to Google,

which is gonna be really fun, I think.

Wow. That will be fun.

Absolutely.

And I have you to thank for that.

And completely different from an organization

that has all private information on people.

- Real departure. - Uh-huh.

But I think I'll be able to catch up.

You know, I'm the type that hits the ground

with my feet running.

Or that expression. Yes.

- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah.

So thank you so much.

- You know what's... - You're welcome.

as a fan of the show,

watch other people have breakthroughs,

it felt sometimes a little bit false

or it just maybe is my own

lack of understanding of the process,

but now being on the inside of the program with you, it's...

It's not a program.

You can't help but feel your work on a cellular level.

You're welcome. I'm glad you get it now,

that this modality,

it is tough, and it's not for the faint of heart.

You know, you have to be a real survivor,

and you clearly are.

You're one of those superior individuals

- who are made of strong stuff... - Uhhuh.

Who can take that serious, deep look at themselves

and then make a change for the better.

- Congratulations to you, Abel... - Thank you.

or whatever your name really is, but I guess...

It's Mark.

That's a new blazer.

Oh, um, well...

I have a lot of red ones.

And, you know, so... maybe.

- It has... - The lapel seems a little wider.

Okay, yeah. It's a little...

And I'm seeing a little more peekaboo Patty.

- Oh. - You know?

Well, you know, so... oh. Well...

Just a bit. And just enough.

There is something under there, just so you know.

Keep the viewer tuned in.

It's not a show.

You know, I'm really just, as you know, as a patient...

not officially, though.

I mean, for anyone who's listening.

You know what would be really nice as a thank-you gift to me?

'Cause I really don't require

- a thank-you gift... - Uh-huh.

But it would be nice of you if you could maybe go

sneak into your former workplace or if you're still there,

and just delete all of the files that you have

on me and my clients, 'cause it's not fair to them.

Um...

You must be able to devise some...

We... we... we did...

- confinscate, um... - Confiscate.

a certain computer virus.

Oh, a little, like, cyber attack.

- That would be wonderful. - You know, that could work.

That really could work.

If I... if I could... I could... I could probably

keister the thumb drive...

- Keister? - In and...

- That would be wonderful. - That's not a bad idea.

Go into one of the files and...

- I... you know, and the more... - that's... that's a doer.

The more I think about it too, I don't like sharing this.

- Are they listening... - It should be some...

now?

Can they hear us now?

Oh, doctor, what a funny idea that you just...

what a joke you just made.

- It's a script that I am woking on. - That was really...

- I have something in my eye. - Mm-hmm.

What a funny joke idea, though...

For a different show other than yours.

But of course, we would never...

- This isn't a show. - Do that.

But this is a show of a plan.

- A plan that would be illegal. - Uhhuh.

- Yeah. - Right.

- Okay. - Mm-hmm.

- Great. - Okay, wonderful.

So as this being perhaps one of the last times

- I'm gonna talk to you, I... - We can speak...

once you're on your new job and maybe you can introduce them

to the idea of, "oh, it's a wonderful modality"?

"Maybe Google should do it.

"I experienced it myself.

This is a worthwhile purchase for 100, 150 million."

- You know. - Yeah.

They don't like it is the unfortunate thing.

- I did bring it up to them. - Oh.

'Cause it's why I was there.

They asked, "why the change of heart?"

And I... and I spoke very highly of you.

And it didn't really matter.

Okay, well, I don't need the details.

- I'll just keep doing what I do. - Yeah.

And then they won't be able to see it any other way...

I don't think they...

as, you know, a worthwhile endeavor, yeah.

Again, you got to be on the inside

to really feel the impact of your techniques.

From the outside, they seem...

- Right. - insane.

What? Really?

I'm gonna miss it, though.

I'm really gonna miss it.

Just the cast of characters you have on.

They're not characters. They're people, you know.

Yeah. Sure.

This is so funny.

It's kind of fun to have a fan.

I've never had someone that admired me so much.

Well, in this way, so much.

Of course, there's often transference,

and clients are often extremely attracted to me.

- You know. - Yeah.

But not in this way. This... this is different.

You're one of only, um, a few women I can think of

that I've had, you know, fan-like crushes on.

Oh. Who were some of the others?

Just so I can...

Oh, you know, different actors that have been...

Oh. Like...

- Bea Arthur. - Oh.

She's just phenomenal, um, actor.

- Just so talented. - Oh.

Just really liked her, her body of work.

Uh-huh.

Listen. I got to be honest.

I'm just... I'm gonna really miss you.

Oh, I'm... you know what? I'm gonna miss you too.

I have to... even though you've known me

longer than I've known you, but you know,

my husband's not that interested in my work,

and it's... it's nice to have someone

who is to talk about it with.

I mean, I... some of your sessions,

the people are so dull.

I don't know how you get through it.

- What do you... - Right.

So fascinating for you to see me cope with the dullards,

but then a real challenge for me

is to try to look engaged or sound engaged.

I... you know what?

I'll tell you my secret. All right?

- This is between us. - Yeah.

I sometimes doodle.

And then I have this game on my phone

that I think is really fun.

So sometimes I'm just playing that.

It's called... it's this game with the ball...

- colored balls and numbers. - Ah!

And you have to...

well, I'm losing this one,

but it just really helps so much to...

you know, 'cause I can be, "yes, no, no,

I just want to make sure I take notes on my phone."

Did you see me? What a great trick.

Oh, I take notes on my phone like young people do, you know.

I always think that you're taking notes on your phone...

Of course... of course I'm not.

And you're playing this game with balls.

I'm playing the... it's Drop7.

- Yeah. - Great.

Anyway...

This has been so helpful. Thank you.

All right, well, go do your packing.

And, uh, good luck to you.

Okay. Thank you, doctor.

All the best. Bye-bye.

Bye.

And if you're still listening,

I might be in D.C. next week if you'll still be there.

I'll delay my trip.

Oh, you didn't get that?

I didn't get it, mm-mm.

Okay, so what more do you need?

What do you need me to...

Just be better.

Okay. Well...

And then did you see throw-mo...

I mean, what an interesting name.

Where are you from?

Oh.

All right.

No, I have. Thank you.

Okay, if you see something, say something.

Let's see.

sync and corrected by ninh www.addic7ed.com