Original subtitles

CHARLES: Welcome to our killer reveal party,

where we will reveal Bunny's killer.

- We've been on to you since this afternoon.

- I just wanted Cinda to notice me.

[echoing click]

CHARLES: With that, another mystery solved. Wow.

Two murders back-to-back. - Yep.

- You're actually renovating.

MABEL: Well, it is about time. CHARLES: Hey, Joy.

- Are you asking me out on a date?

- Yes.

♪

OLIVER: Broadway?

I think I-I would be perfect for that.

And who's the star?

[knocking] Ben?

Everyone gets opening night jitters!

♪

- I'm good! - Fasten your seat belts.

[applause]

- What turned me into a creature of the night?

[birds chirping]

[thud]

[audience gasping] OLIVER: Somebody! Anybody!

CHARLES: He's not moving!

[murmuring] WOMAN: Ben! Call 911!

- You've gotta be fucking kidding me.

♪

♪ Orchestral music playing ♪

[audience chatter]

[curtains click, rattle]

CHARLES: All the world's a stage

and all the blah, blah, blah. We all know how that one goes.

But if you are a theatrical type,

there's a good chance you became smitten

at a very young age.

- ♪ The sweetest sounds I'll ever hear ♪

♪ Are still inside my head ♪

CHARLES: Seeing the wonders of a life

you might be part of one day,

full of stories and experiences

you can only dream about from the eighth row,

behind two beehives in row seven.

- ♪ The most entrancing sight of all ♪

♪ Is yet for me to see ♪

♪ And the dearest love ♪

♪ In all the world ♪

♪ Is waiting somewhere for me ♪

♪ Is waiting ♪

♪ Somewhere ♪

♪ Somewhere for me ♪

♪ orchestral music continues ♪

CHARLES: Once smitten though,

then comes the work.

Of classes and training...

♪

Of speech and technique...

honing your craft,

as you pound the pavement in New York City,

auditioning for anything and everything,

all in pursuit of that moment in the spotlight

where you hope someone might see you,

really see you, and say those magic words.

"Where have you been?"

But what if those magic words never come?

And it's only rejection,

over and over again,

year after year,

and near miss after near miss,

until you realize that near miss

has become your life.

How do you keep at it with any hope?

♪

CASTING DIRECTOR: Thank you, very nice.

So, someone's shown up

who's not on our list, maybe a walk-in.

I do know her. She's capable,

a little vanilla, but we've got about 10 minutes until lunch...

- Yeah, sure. [sniffs]

CASTING DIRECTOR: Ready, Durkin, you still there?

LORETTA DURKIN: Yes! [script rustling]

Yes! Hi!

Oh, hi. I-I'm so sorry, I thought...

My agent assured me that I was on the list...

CASTING DIRECTOR: It's fine.

Do you have the pages for the role of the nanny?

- Y... Uh, yes. Is it just the one scene?

CASTING DIRECTOR: That's right. Whenever you're ready.

[sighs]

[script quietly crinkling]

- [huffs] Enough!

Enough of your questions, Detective.

I'm happy to tell you who I am and what it is I do

without your insistent... probing.

I am a caretaker of children,

to whom I'm given charge.

Am I a substitute for the child's true mother?

[inhales]

Some would prefer I say no, but I believe...

I am. I must be...

their mother when it's only me with them.

Because

a child needs to feel, at all times,

safe.

They need to feel protected with the kind of ferocity

only a mother can summon.

[inhales]

It's no matter if they were born of my own...

flesh.

[inhales]

Would I kill

to protect a child in my charge?

That is the question you have for me, I assume, Detective?

♪

To that, I would say

without so much as blinking,

I would kill without compunction...

for the sake and safety of any child in my care.

So,

now, you have your answer.

- Where have you been?

♪

- Um...

CHARLES: But when you finally do land your dream,

your moment in that spotlight...

- I said, where have you been?

- Oh.

CHARLES: how far would you go to hang onto it?

- Oh! [gasps]

Oh, thank you!

Oh, thank you! [laughing] Oh, gosh!

♪ Lively theme song playing ♪

♪ vocalizing ♪

[applause, audience cheering]

♪ eerie music playing ♪

- Help me...

[thud] [audience gasping]

OLIVER: Somebody! Anybody! [shocked chatter]

- He's not moving!

WOMAN: Ben! Call 911.

MAN: I don't feel a pulse. [sirens wailing]

[sirens blare] [street chatter]

MAN: I'm trying to wrap my head around it myself.

No, don't you under...

No, they already pronounced him!

They pronounced him!

- Was there any foam around his mouth? Foaming would indicate poisoning.

- I only saw blood. Mabel! What are you doing?

Could be natural causes or one of those, uh, rupture things.

- Charles, please! It's opening night,

and a big star in the prime of his life drops dead on stage?

OLIVER: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He's dead.

He's dead. Ben's dead. My leading man is dead!

- Hey, it's not your fault, Oliver. - No, that's right it's not my...

What? Of course, it's not my fault!

Okay, Howard,

you go and tell everyone that it's all gonna be fine.

Tell them, uh, that we'll gather back at my place

for the opening night party I planned,

where we'll just sort all of this out.

- I really don't think people are in a party mood right now...

- Just do it, Howard! Do it!

- Hey, Oliver. - You okay, buddy?

- Oh, my God. Is this really happening?

How did I get here?

♪

[door knocking] [door opening]

Is this really happening? - Happy First Read-Through Day!

- Am I really going back to Broadway?

- I hope so. Why else would I be here?

- To support, to give notes,

to translate what the young people say for Charles.

And because who gets to see you anymore? - True! It's nice to see you.

- Well, you know, we're all just so busy-busy,

and, you know, who are we without a homicide?

- Oliver, I know you're nervous.

I know your last Broadway show was a disaster.

[elevator opens] Everyone knows it. The world knows it.

- Fast forward, fast forward. - But you, sir, are a talented young man.

You have a gift for leadership. And when you asked me to join this production, I...

- Hold, please.

[sloshing]

I asked you?! - Yes, you asked me!

You know what? Forget it. - Oh, no, no, no.

Please wax poetic about how I begged you to be in my play,

even though you haven't been on stage since men had to play all the women.

- You don't need to explain.

- In Shakespeare times, men had to play the women.

- Ah. - Women weren't allowed.

- It's a, a age joke. - It's also a career joke.

- And I loved it, but can we talk about me now

and how I cannot believe

I'm going to be in the same room as Ben Glenroy?

Hair up or hair down? Do you think he likes ears?

- Mabel, actors are just people.

Remember how nervous you were to meet me at first?

- I don't maybe remember that? - Yeah, but now look at us.

Hey, when we get there, how do you wanna handle the entrances?

Maybe you introduce me and then I come in? - Introduce?

This is a table read, Charles. It's not The Donna Reed Show.

Donna Reed was... - It's not worth it.

- Okay, now, please do not start this journey

by alienating all of your colleagues

with some desperate attempt at peacocking.

No peacocking!

Oliver Putnam in da house!

[applause, cheering]

I have a question.

Who wants to go to Broadway?

[excited squeal] [cheering]

[whistling] [scattered gasps]

- We thank you for your attention.

Brief anecdote.

I remember when I auditioned for Mr. Oliver Putnam

for this very play. - It's true.

- Do you remember what you said to me, Oliver?

- I sure do. I said,

"How about you be my assistant, instead?"

- [giggles] That's right. - Yes.

- Word for word.

The floor is yours.

- Thank you, Howard. [scattered applause]

Ah... [nervous laugh]

So our leading man is running a skitch late,

but let's go ahead and get started.

I welcome you all... to the world...

of Death Rattle!

[gasps, applause]

- Oh, my God! OLIVER: Yeah.

A story of death

that happens in a lighthouse

in foggy upper Nova Scotia,

where the only person in the room, when the deaths occurred,

is an infant child.

Now, some may call this chestnut of a play

a little dusty,

uh, but of course, I've been called that myself

a few times, frankly. [laughs] [all laughing]

[blows, coughs]

[laughter]

When our amazing producer, Donna Demeo,

first called me about... - With Clifford.

[nervous laugh] My son, Cliff,

who is making his first solo producing effort here.

[sighs] But with me.

[scattered applause] CLIFF: Thanks, Mom. Thank you, thanks.

I am so super excited because, like your characters

who are trapped in a hurricane in a deadly lighthouse,

we're gonna take Broadway by storm!

[gasps, surprised chatter]

- Wow! DONNA: How about that?

I'm so proud of my boy.

So, so, so, so, so...

[moans]

proud. [giggles]

He's gay, so I can kiss him like that. [quiet squeal]

[awkward chuckle, sniff]

- Alrighty, then. So, I think that...

[glass clinking]

- What?

Oh, I just like doing this.

[laughter]

No, no, if I may. Uh,

we're in a very small room here, and I'd like to address

the show business elephant inside it,

and that show business elephant is me.

- Oh, dear lord. CHARLES: Yes,

I played Aristotle Brazzos

in 224 episodes of dramatic television.

- Aristotle? - I can't.

- As well as a reboot, uh, which is currently on hiatus

because the producer is up on harassment charges.

I also starred in three made-for-TV movies,

uh, and also a series of TV ads

for the Dukakis campaign.

All this is to say

I'm just like you.

I'm nobody special.

I mean, I'm not any more special

because, in a way, we're all...

I think it was Gandhi who said, "Isn't everyone, though, just..."

- Thank you so much, Charles. How inspiring.

That was wonderful. - Did I stick the landing?

- The plane is literally scattered across the runway.

Alright then! As we await Ben,

why don't we now take a look

at the model for our set?

♪

[gasps, excited chatter] [clapping]

MABEL: Okay, secret?

I think theater is kinda lame.

People all dressed up in costumes

no real person would ever wear,

acting like nobody's sitting out there

watching them say things no real person would ever say.

But at least this piece of theater is a murder mystery.

That, I can get my head around.

And every murder mystery needs a victim.

- It really is... - Okay!

Okay! [soft gasps]

Who farted?

[laughter]

- Ben Glenroy, ladies and gentlemen! - No, stop, stop, stop, stop!

[applause, excited chatter]

Thank you. Oh, by the way, this is my manager, Dickie.

He's not just my manager, he's also my brother.

But please don't say nepotism

because he gets very insecure about his abilities.

- [laughs] Hi.

BEN: He's also the reason we're late.

Dickie had us a, a block over.

No way! You guys!

This is my cast? - Yes!

Yes, and we are so thrilled! - Hi. I'm Ben.

I'm also trained as an intimacy coordinator.

- Hi, I'm Kimber,

and I didn't realize we had any love scenes.

- What? We're in the middle of one right now.

- Oh. [laughs] - Timber for Kimber.

[Kimber giggling] And you...

are way too fuckin' handsome. Somebody fire him, now!

[laughter] - I'm Ty.

- Oh! If y'all would just please quick sign these NDAs,

and the last page telling us you're okay with us filming.

- I-I'm sorry, filming?

- Yeah. Two, uh, shows for the price of one.

My Broadway debut, and a documentary about my Broadway debut.

This is my documentarian, Tobert. You heard that right.

- It's Robert with a T.

Hey, Broadway, I am just an observer.

This is literally the last time you're gonna hear my voice.

- Hello, Ben. I'm Charles-Haden Savage.

- Fuck me! - Oh wow...

- Oh, the energy coming from this corner!

Am I right? Do we all feel this?

- Ben, this is our Nanny.

- Loretta. - Yeah.

- Oliver tells me you're one to look out for.

- Oh, well, Oliver flatters.

- Just don't upstage me.

[laughs] I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

No, I'm honored to work with you. LORETTA: Oh my.

Well, my friends are just beside themselves

that I'm gonna get to work with The CoBro.

- Oh God, no, please. Just... Just CoBro.

- Sorry? BEN: Yeah, no,

the "the" makes me sound like an asshole.

- Oh. - Like the Rock.

Or the Pope. I mean, come on, get over yourselves. Right?

But, in the films, I'm just the friendly zoologist

who morphs into a 20-foot cobra

and helps the cops save the day.

Hey, you.

- Oh, hi. I loved you in Girl Cop.

- Oh, that old thing?

[blows]

[Mabel giggling] [Ben chuckles]

- Alright, well, this is exciting.

Shall we take our seats and start the read?

- Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah! A read-through! [excited chatter]

I wanna read! Oh, hey, by the way.

Thanks for the tip on Amy Schumer's place.

Just moved in. - Oh!

- Tell her she left a bunch of cottage cheese in the fridge.

Fuck... Fuck... Fuckerballs. Fuck.

Dickie? There's cookies here.

- Oh no. Ben can't have cookies.

He's on a very strict diet for CoBro,

and cookies are [laughs] a weakness.

- Well, not a weakness. I just...

Where are they from? - Schmackary's.

- Oh... God, even the name is sexy.

- I'll take them. - No, it's fine, it's fine. Leave 'em.

Leave 'em! Just...

Let's read. OLIVER: Alright!

So, this is kind of exciting.

Shall we begin, KT?

- From the top, everyone.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I give you... page one.

[sloshing]

- I wasn't ready. [clears throat]

[dramatically] "It's a night in upper Nova Scotia."

- Oh, hot damn! That is a hot Schmackary.

Sorry. I just had a corner.

No more. It's alright.

Reading. [Howard clears throat]

- "A detective makes his way toward the audience.

He is our narrator."

- [deep voice] "What turned me into a creature of the night?

"Let me tell you.

"I just finished up a case in Halifax when I got a call

"about some curious goings-on at the old Pickwick Lighthouse.

I made my way to see for myself."

- "A lighthouse appears, and a storm shelter door opens.

A nanny emerges from the shelter."

- [thick Scottish accent] "Storm's comin'.

Don't think it's a night for roaming the rocks."

- I-I'm sorry, I think I missed some of those words.

- Oh, I was trying a Scottish dialect. OLIVER: Uh-huh.

Because the nanny's...

- The nanny refers to a childhood in Aberdeen.

- Right.

LORETTA: Um, or, or not.

- No, no, no, no, no. I-It's okay to try things.

L-Let's just go again.

- "A nanny emerges from the shelter."

- [Québécois accent] "Storm's coming.

Don't think it's a night for roaming on the rocks."

French Canadian.

Because it's up in the Maritimes there.

So, a lot of French... I'm sorry.

It's... [laughs] This is my process.

It's just how I... find the nanny's voice.

OLIVER: You know what?

Maybe we try it slightly more how you talk.

- "A nanny emerges from the shelter."

- Um...

[flatly] "Storm's coming.

[sighs] Don't think it's a night for roaming on the rocks."

[inhales]

- Um...

"I don't go roaming anywhere."

- [whispers] It's you.

- [gasps] Oh, my God, it's me! [laughs] Oh, I'm so...

[laughs]

Oh, I'm sorry, it's me, isn't it?

- I-It's your line, yes.

- You know what? I didn't highlight that one.

I'm gonna do that right now.

- Good. Now, you'll always have it...

there 'cause it's highlighted.

♪

[quiet chatter]

[Ben sighs]

- [quietly] Our nanny is a stinkeroony.

- [quietly] No, Ben, Ben, she'll be fine.

She's just finding the voice. You heard her.

- Do you hear me, Oliver?

She's a stinkeroony! [sighs]

I say give her the boo-tay before we...

get too far down the road. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Tru... Just... Loretta is very special.

Just let me talk to her, okay?

Just...

Hello. - Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I'm...

I get nervous

and I'm not good at table reads.

But, please, please don't give up on me.

- Listen to me. Um...

My first table read,

there was a young actor,

and he got very nervous,

and he was missing lines,

inaudible dialogue. It was painful.

- [sighs] Yeah.

- Everyone tells me to fire him

but I refused.

And you know who that young actor was?

- No. No!

- No one you'd know. Everyone was right.

He was a train wreck. I fired him three weeks later.

But you are not that.

You are the opposite of that.

And anyone who has not seen that yet

is either dumb, blind, or a combination of the two.

[giggles] You go,

I go.

- Oh, Oliver, gosh...

- You go,

I go.

Okay? [sighs]

♪

- Thank you. Thank you.

- Okay. Alright. [sniffles]

Oh, my God, Loretta. Where is Loretta?

- Loretta is in her dressing room. She is pretty upset,

but she said she'll try to make the... party.

- Okay. - Are you sure a party is a...

you know... - What?

No, no, no, no. Spit it out, Charles.

Heap some more suffering onto my already full plate!

There might be a little room next to the despair!

♪

- Party sounds nice. [panting, growls]

Party...

♪

LESTER: Shouldn't be too much longer, people!

Patience, people, patience!

UMA: Ugh. This is ridiculous.

- Safety first. Don't worry. It's all good. We'll get there.

Uma, I promise you, I'll get you in. I promise.

- What's going on? LESTER: We'll get there, don't worry.

- The elevator's out. - Ugh!

- Got them working overtime on it. Should be up and running soon.

- Okay, listen, guys... - The press is already up my ass.

We need to get a statement out. - "Ben Glenroy" is trending on Twitter.

So is "RIP Ben Glenroy." So is "Ben Dead."

So is... "Real Housewives"? Oh, my God, was tonight the reunion?

- Yeah, listen.

This is the moment where producers really matter.

Just because Ben is dead, doesn't mean the show has to die, too.

- Oliver, you're in shock.

The fact this happened in the Goosebury,

the same theater as your Splash...

[growls] I'm not saying you're cursed,

but it wouldn't surprise me if you pissed off

a witch or two in a previous life. [growls]

- Only seven at a time allowed in the one that's working.

- And tenants have priority status!

- Along with the hosts of the saddest opening night party in history!

♪

LESTER: That's it! That's it.

DONNA: 10? OLIVER: Yes.

- At least you had the consideration

to keep the body out of the building this time.

- You always know just what to say, Uma.

- It's a goddamn gift.

[quiet party chatter] [plates, glasses clinking]

♪ soft music playing ♪

[KT gasps]

JONATHAN: Oh, man.

Oh, you're using Ben's opening night gift.

- Yeah, didn't think I'd need it so soon.

- It really is a beautiful gift.

- I didn't realize assistants got one, too.

How very generous of Ben.

- And I didn't realize stage managers wiped their nose

with anything other than the bottom of their palm.

- You've got crumbs in your beard.

- ♪ And let's reach for stars... ♪

OLIVER: Oh, great. Let's just leave all the cellophane on the food.

- Hey, Oliver. How you holding up?

- I just ate a dinner roll.

- Wow, that bad?

- The lead of my play left my stage without a pulse,

and all I can think about is my career.

I don't know, Mabel.

Narcissism should really be more fun than this.

Maybe I am cursed. - Well, shit, Oliver.

[sighs]

My first thought when he went down?

Maybe he was poisoned.

And a podcast about the poisoning of a big movie star?

That could be big.

And maybe with their play shut down,

and a new podcast in motion,

maybe I could spend more time with my guys again.

- Me more than him, right?

- I don't pick favorite olds.

- Better to leave it unsaid.

[knowing growl]

[knocking on door]

[sighs] - How you doing, Charlie?

Aw... - Oh. Traumatized, uh, perplexed.

[quietly] Am I allowed to say relieved?

I mean, my nerves couldn't take eight shows a week.

But don't tell Oliver I said that.

- Oh, I'm a steel trap... Oh, Charlie. [sighs]

It's okay to be relieved that the show is over.

Means more time for us.

- It does. Hey, did you get Lucy home alright?

- Yeah. That girl's a lot.

I'm ready to get trashed.

♪ Soft piano music playing ♪

[quiet party chatter]

♪

- I didn't know you tinkered.

- Oh, I tinker.

[Oliver chuckles]

- Keep tinkering.

- ♪ And the dearest love ♪

♪ In all the world ♪

♪ Is waiting somewhere ♪

♪ For me ♪

BOTH: ♪ Is waiting ♪

♪ Somewhere ♪

♪ Somewhere for ♪

♪ Me... ♪

♪ stops playing ♪

[both giggle]

- I feel better now. How about you?

- Good as new. [laughs]

Hey. Can you look at the [sighs]

back of my earring? Is the thing snapped into the thing?

- Are these technical terms? - No. [sighs]

I just had to get outta my costume so fast,

I'm not sure I hooked it in right.

- Wouldn't you know it? The thing is in the thing.

- Good. [Oliver sighs]

- Thank you for making me feel lighter.

If only for a minute.

Oh God. [sighs]

I wanted tonight to happen.

For both of us, most of all.

[sighs]

- Well [inhales, exhales]

the show may be over

but doesn't that mean

we're not obliged to live by your show rule anymore?

♪

The one that keeps things...

professional...

[laughs] and platonic?

♪

[door opening]

BEN: Okay! Okay! [crowd gasping, screaming]

Who farted?!

[crowd gasping]

Mama's back, bitches!

That's right. I'm alive!

CHARLES: H-How could you... What? MABEL: What the fuck?

[Ben sighs, pants]

- I was dead, dude.

For, like, an hour. They said it was like a record in their hospital.

Right, Dickie? - Oh, they didn't say anything like that.

- They pumped my stomach. I barfed up a ton.

I don't know. They said maybe it was something I ate?

- But y-you had blood in your mouth!

- Yeah. Well, I bit the fuck outta my tongue when I fell.

I don't feel it now, though.

[heaves]

[crowd murmuring]

[heaves]

[gags] Oh, sorry.

The nurses... oh, my God. They were so freaked out.

The doctors were like, "Do not go anywhere!"

But I had to get back to see you guys!

My cast. My...

[phone recording] I just...

Oh, wow!

Sorry! [sniffles]

Shit! I did not expect to get emotional!

But, when I was dead, guys?

I saw the light.

That light, yes. The dead person light.

I saw it.

And I saw all the shit that I pulled with all of you

over these last few months.

And I thought, I can't die like this.

And so, I'm back, and I'm gonna be so much better.

And we are going to kick ass with this show.

You hear me, Oliver? - Oh, my God.

You're really alive...

and so soft.

[both sigh]

[snorts]

- Kimber...

[heavy breathing]

I'm so sorry I made everything messy between us.

I fucked up.

But I'm gonna make it right.

♪

Ty. Forgive me, please, for...

getting so mad at you for wanting to use my trainer.

It's just, Hutch is my secret weapon.

And, you know, there's no shot you can afford him,

but I-I suppose I could give you his digits.

Jonathan.

Jonathan!

My understudy.

[laughs] When this started,

I was never gonna let you ever step foot on that stage,

but, moving forward,

I'm gonna consider it.

Maybe a Wednesday matinee!

- Let's not over-promise here. BEN: Ha, Donna!

My beloved producer!

You and your...

boy. - It's Cliff.

- I know. That's what I said. Look, um... [sighs]

I know I haven't been easy to deal with,

with all my complaints about...

the... size of my dressing room,

and the... shape of my dressing room,

and the color palette of my dressing room.

Basically, everything I've ever said about my...

unnecessarily shitty dressing room.

I take it all back.

Uh... [sighs]

I'm really so sorry, Donna.

And I'm so sorry, boy.

- Cliff. - Right. [sighs]

Would be great if we could fix up my dressing room, by the way.

It's the last time I'm gonna mention anything, alright?

Pinky swear. Bobo!

Look at... Bobo. You know what? You're s... [sighs]

You're such a funny guy

and a-all I ever do is say no to you.

But I promise you.

No more no-nos for Bobo.

♪

KT, my bad

for accusing you of stealing my mangoes.

Ataulfo season is really short, and it's pretty much the only fruit

I can eat on the CoBro Diet.

- I know it was coming from a place of love.

- It wasn't, but thank you.

Oh.

And Loretta. [weak laugh]

The consummate professional!

♪

But...

CoBro knows a fellow snake when he sees one.

[long hiss]

[short hiss]

And Charles! - Oh, don't worry about me!

You can skip me! I get it! You're a new man, which is exciting.

- You and I never got off on the right foot.

CHARLES: Nope. - And if anyone here was happy

that I was maybe dead, I bet it was you.

- Yeah. - I know you don't have

many more years left to hone your craft.

And I get that every day counts.

And after this experience, I really get it now.

So,

to starting over?

- To starting over.

[phone ringing] DICKIE: Ben, you gotta take this.

- What? Oh. Ben's gotta take this. [scoffs]

Oh. Um... [silences phone]

Yeah, I'll go somewhere quieter.

Guys! I'm gonna go up to my apartment and crash,

shower up, maybe shake off the cobwebs,

but I'll see you this week, alright?

Death Rattle lives!

[confused murmuring]

CLIFF: Wow.

Word is out. Ben is back.

[door opens, shuts]

- It's a hell of a story to reopen a play with, people.

[quiet murmuring]

- So we're back.

We're all back on Broadway!

♪

[hesitant chatter] [scattered applause]

- Congrats. You must be thrilled. - Mm.

- I said you must be thrilled.

- Ben may be back,

but it doesn't change the fact

that he is a fucking asshole.

♪

[keys jingling, lock clicking]

[door unlocking]

[light switch clicks]

[sighs]

♪

[quiet street noise outside]

[texting]

[sends text]

CHARLES: I don't know what to make of any of it.

Dead, not dead. Show, no show. [Oliver sighs, sniffs]

- Wait, so you're just gonna reopen the show as if nothing happened?

- Oh, please. Are you kidding?

Donna and Cliff are gonna make a meal out of what happened.

Are you excited, friend? [laughs] - Yeah!

Eight shows a week! Trouper! [sighs]

OLIVER: Oh, I forgot to ask you. Whatever happened to Joy's crazy aunt?

- Oh, she broke up with the hair transplant guy.

- Oh, that's a shock.

Oh, and did her brother ever find out who sent the vulgar placemats?

- Yeah, Ron. - Ron, the guy with the chin?

- Guys, this is not fair! You hang out all the time.

I wanna know about Joy's crazy aunt and... Ron.

- No, no, no. - Oh, Ron's insane.

You don't wanna know about him.

- Well, let me know if he makes more placemats.

Just don't forget about me.

CHARLES: Huh? - What does that mean?

- You know, I can't get over what you've done with this place.

MABEL: Yeah, I know.

That's what the people who bought it said, too.

OLIVER: What?

Your aunt sold the apartment? [shuts door]

- I have to be out in four weeks.

- Seriously? - You're leaving the Arconia?

- I know, I know, but it's... [Oliver sighs]

it's time. I mean, I need to get my own life.

And you can come visit me in Brooklyn.

Or maybe Queens?

I'll come to you.

OLIVER: The most important part of chasing a dream

is the people who chase alongside with you.

- So I was checking our message boards

on our podcast site the other day,

and people were wondering where we'd been.

It's kinda nice to be missed.

- Yeah, it is nice. - Yeah, it is. It is nice.

Those who look beyond the doubters

and choose to believe your dream will happen...

[elevator dings] all in good time.

♪

- I guess they fixed the elevator? OLIVER: Hm.

- [clears throat] Should we take it?

I'm sort of nervous to take it.

It's been just a gaping hole for how many hours now?

- Hey. If there's one thing I know,

it's that we're good at living on the edge.

OLIVER: Those who will go with you

to help make that moment when you finally arrive

in your own big spotlight...

[elevator creaking loudly]

[metal grinding]

[grinding fades, buzzing]

they're the only ones who matter.

- You know, Mabel, w-we couldn't have done the podcast anyway

because Ben didn't die in the building.

[liquid dripping]

♪ suspenseful music playing ♪

[dripping continues]

- Wait. What's that?

- Hm?

[dripping increases]

♪

[metal creaking]

[glass cracking]

[elevator dings]

[crash] [Uma screams]

- You gotta be fuckin' kidding me.

♪ Music swells ♪

[Oliver growls]

♪